I was six years old
I got a stuffed piglet
From you
For my birthday.
I remember the picture you took.
Laying on the white couch
In my purple shirt
Hugging that tiny piglet
Tears in my eyes.
Tears of excitement maybe
Or maybe sadness because I knew I couldn't stay forever.
Stay in your house
Were I felt safe
Loved
Wanted.
I was eight years old.
We found out we could stay
Or so we thought.
You told us we wouldn't have to live with her anymore
We celebrated.
I was so very excited to be safe
Loved
Wanted.
I was nine years old.
We went to Washington to go to the water park
For my birthday.
You bought me a purple teddy bear.
I named him President Theodore Roosevelt.
I thought I was clever.
Karla sent Kate and I to bed so the adults could hang out
I cried.
I didn't get to say goodnight to my Daddy on my birthday.
I wanted one more hug
Before my dreams too me to a place
Where I could be forever safe
Loved
Wanted.
I was eleven.
We didn't go to the Enchanted Forest for the first year
For my birthday.
You bought me a giant stuffed dog
You somehow squeezed him in a rather small box
So I couldn't guess what it was
Because I was always able to.
I named him Beethoven
To be Mozart's new friend.
Wrapped up in his soft, tan body
I felt ever so safe.
Loved.
Wanted.
I was thirteen
My first birthday actually living in Oregon.
You made a huge chocolate-chocolate cake
The one with chocolate chunks sticking out of the frosting.
I blew out the candles not having a wish
The wish I made for the past twelve years finally came true:
I was living with you.
I was only allowed one piece of that amazing cake
For I had a swim meet in two days.
We celebrated as a family.
There was this picture taken of Karla and I.
Both smiling.
This may be the last one taken of us happy.
At the time I felt so safe.
Loved.
Wanted.
I was sixteen.
Most girls got to go get their license on their sixteenth birthday.
I spent my day in bed
Crying.
I asked for the day off from work.
You even made me call to ask if I could work
When you found out and yelled.
You screamed and yelled how I was always disobeying you
How once again I ruined your plans.
You made me stay in my room all day
My phone was taken away
I don't think I even ate that day or the next
You brought me a piece of cake before you threw out the rest
I simply stared at the chocolate-chocolate cake through tears
Hating myself for ruining my birthday.
Hating you for allowing me to hate myself
For not letting me feel safe.
Loved.
Wanted.
I was eighteen
I woke up to chocolate-chocolate cake
Tina made for me;
She didn't even know it was a tradition.
I was surrounded by friends all day.
But you never even called.
You didn't send a text,
Write a note on Facebook, or even a message.
My daddy didn't even wish me a happy eighteen birthday.
Instead I got to go swimming,
Eat veggie kabobs Sam made,
Surround myself with people who make me feel safe.
Loved.
Wanted.
Tomorrow I turn nineteen.
I am ignoring my birthday.
I will say thank you to those who write on my Facebook wall
But with no phone I will only call my mom.
We may go to dinner, my wonderful boyfriend and I.
But I refuse to celebrate.
That would in turn be thanking the man who created me
Who will not call
Will not write
That one that doesn't even give a **** if I am even still alive.
Who doesn't know where I am.
The one who kicked me out before I even turned eighteen.
That man who I am supposed to call my father.
My daddy who used to hug me
Hold me when I was scared
Made me feel safe
Loved
Wanted.
That same man who now makes me feel unworthy
Lost, confused, sad, angry beyond belief,
Because he won't even call me on my birthday.
So happy birthday to me!
I will not celebrate knowing the man who gave me life
The man who nineteen years ago held his baby girl
Not knowing he would one day ruin her
Make her feel so vulnerable
Unloved
Unwanted
On her birthday.

I don't know how it started

But it's an annual event

But I don't think that an egg hunt

Is the best way to present

The story of our saviour

Chocolate eggs you go and find

I don't think that's the image

That the church wants in our mind

Every year since I was little

Our family made a choice

Either host the Easter Dinner

Or go hunting for eggs and toys

This year we chose the egg hunt

It was better than the meal

But our egg hunt went all wonky

In fact it all was so surreal

Most years twenty people

Showed to hunt about the yard

so setting out some easter eggs

Didn't seem so hard

But this  year, thanks to facebook

People showed up by the score

When all was done the count was

One hundred twenty four.

With that many people coming

A family meeting then took place

One hundred twenty four people

This was way off base

With Uncles, Aunts and cousins

Grandparents and the rest

some new plans would be needed

to execute this test

I thought about logistics

There was only so much yard

To run an easter egg hunt

Was going to be hard

I checked the list of children

Eighty seven kids or so

But I said that we would host it

So I could not tell them no

I called up all the Uncles

Told them come around to plan

They all showed up as suggested

All fourteen, to a man

We needed eggs and then some

Chocolate, mallow...every kind

We had to hit the stores fast

We had to buy up every kind

Baskets, ribbons, bows and stuff

stuffed rabbits, all they had

We had near ninety children

And we could not have them sad

We drank and set agendas

We all planned out our attack

They would all come out before hand

And the goodies, we'd unpack

The women met as well though

Dying eggs would be their task

They got 100 dozen large eggs

and some colouring to mask

The last time plans were handled

on a scale as big as this

Was on D-Day for the Allies

And we knew that didn't miss

We had crepe paper for streamers

Balloons and chocolate logs

but the one thing we'd forgotten

We also had twelve dogs

We had to keep them busy

While we figured out just how

We were going to hide all of our presents

And we had to figure NOW!

We called up to the kennel

To book them all in for the night

But, they didn't have the space so

We'd have to make do with our plight

Two days before Good Friday

All the parents showed to meet

We would plan and hide the goodies

We would all be so discreet

We would hide the eggs on Friday

While the kids all went to pray

Then we'd come back here  for dinner

And we'd finish Saturday

It was easy, a no brainer

We would pull it off....with ease

It would take great execution

And the children would be pleased

On Friday night they all arrived

And were given tasks we all could handle

We all went out to the yard to hide

The eggs, by lighted candle

We stuck them up in trees and then

In bushes by our gnomes

We hid them in the veggie patch

We hid them in our home

When finished we'd put eggs and toys

Of every shape and size

We were all so ****** tired

We could barely blink our eyes

The next day all our work  was shot

When we went outside to see

That night after we'd finished

Some raccoons came out of the tree

twelve hundred eggs and four raccoons

Two skunks and nineteen rats

Decided that they like out smorgasbord

And to them then...that was that

Hard boiled eggs of every size

For them to come and eat

After surveying the damage

We vowed we'd not be beat

We set to work and dyed more eggs

another nine hundred in all

We sent all of the mothers out

To buy gifts at the mall

We'd lay them out before the hunt

We didn't care when they got hid

We had to have an easter game

For eighty seven kids

We strung the streamers through the house

We wrapped the willow tree

It looked just like "The Party Place"

Had blown up...just for me

We put balloons up everywhere

The kids would be surprised

Uncle Jack would wear a bunny suit

It was a good disguise

With lots of work and alcohol

We'd get this egg hunt done

And come hell or come high water

The children would have fun

On Sunday they came back from Church

And I want you all to know

That we had a real nice dinner

For we overlooked the snow

While sitting in the church pews

Hearing tales of Easters Past

A storm came in so vicious

And it came in really fast

By the time we'd reached the garden

There was one foot on the ground

It had snuck up on us quickly

And it didn't make a sound

So the egg hunt never came about

We took them out for lunch

It'll be our last time trying this

At least that is my hunch

If it comes down to a choice now

To ever utilize my home

For an egg hunt here at Easter

I won't answer the phone!

Take me to an art museum on our first date  
       Snip pictures of me next to the masterpieces and when im hungry buy me a veggie burger and strawberry smoothie
          Compliment my kinks when I take out my braids tell me on gorgeous even on  
            those "****** days ".
Support my dream to strut the runway but dont force me to go to church on Sunday
                 Love me for who i am
                       Is all I ask
            Effort will take you a long way
         Once you complete this task

Ya Know ....
  
I'm Beginning To Think The Truth Is ...
A LOT of Folks Are ... STUPID ... !!!  
    
You Can Tell By The Way They're Moving ...  
And Who They Choose To ... Move With ...  
    
It's CLEAR Some NEED Improvements ...  
Because They Deal In Looseness .............................. !!!!!  
    
Like CLAIMING Their ... " Religion " ...  
DEFINES How They Be Living ... ?  
    
Here's What I Mean You DON'T EAT PIG ...
Because It's UNCLEAN Is Your Religions' Theme ...  
    
BUT One Night You're At Home ...  
And Your Hunger Says ...  
    
"Yo it's time for some food !"  
    
So Do You Start To Cook ... ???  
NO You Go To The Phonebook ...  
INSTEAD And Have A Look ...  
For Something You Can Order ...  
    
An Option CLEARLY shorter ... !!!  
Than Cooking For ... Yourself ...  
    
So You Then GET A FEVER ...    
To Order Up ... Some Pizza ... !!!  
    
Ya' Hunger Says ... " Oh well " ...  
    
You Order Up ... " A VEGGIE " ...  
I Guess Cos' That Is ... " Healthy " ... ?!?  
    
ONLY To FIND Later ... That Night ...  
That Something MEATY Was Inside ... !!!  
    
Because THAT Night You Spent The Time ...  
With The Toilet By Your Side ... !!!!!!!  
    
It Now Becomes CLEAR ...  
STUPIDITY Steered Your *** To A Place ...  
Where It Had To ................................ DISPLACE ...... !!!!!!!!!!  
    
WHATEVER You Ate From That .... " Takeaway " .... ?!?  
    
Next Day When You Check ...  
The Pizza Then Said .... !!!?!!!
    
"If you didn't want meat,  
why did you eat me, without double checking !  
Why now are you stressing ?  
You were stupid to believe that you'd really receive,  
what we say we'll provide. The sales what rules our vibe !  
If you truly were, all that concerned about swine being a part  
of food you ingest, that makes you **** !  
You'd of got off your ****, and cooked at home,  
so that you'd of known, what it was you had,  
and wouldn't of eaten, a piece of ham !"  
    
You'd of Marked Your Own Card ...    
And Then Wouldn't Try To BLAME ... ?!?  
To .... "Cover Up Your SHAME" ... !!!  
    
It Seems Your Brain Is ... LAME ... !!!  
Cos' STUPIDITY Holds It's REINS ... !!!  
    
Your ANGER Is A FARCE ... !!!!!  
You People Make Me Laugh ...    
    
Actually ... YOU DON'T ... !!!!!!!  
Cos' STUPIDITY ROAMS ...................................
RIGHT THROUGH Your Bones ...  
And Into Zones Where It SHOULD NOT GO ... !!!!!  
    
It Seems That ALL YOUR Bleating ....    
DEFINES Much Like Your ... Leanings ...  
    
Your Faith To Be A SHAM ...    
And Quite Stupid At That ... !!!  

Just Like Wearing ... " LIONS " ... ?!?  
As If They Are ... YOUR TRIDENT ... !?!  
When NOT ONE Lion Roams ?  
In The Place That You Call ... " Home " ... !!!
    
Isn't That Something You STOLE .... ?!?  
From AFRICAN ... Time Zones ... !?!  
    
Somebody's CLEARLY LYING ... !!!!!  
And DOESN'T Come From ZION ... !!!  
    
I Clearly Am STUPID ...
To See THAT As FOOLISH ... !!!  
And PROOF of POOR Schooling ...
That Is Mind POLLUTING ... !!!  
    
Who'd They Think They're ...
..... " Fooling " ...... ???  

A GREAT MANY People ...
Like Those Under Steeples ... !!!  
CONFESSING Their SINS ... !!!  
Because of BAD THINGS ...  
That They Have Been Doing ...  
    
It's Church They Are USING ....    
To ACT As Their CLEANSER ...  
These STUPID PRETENDERS ... !!!!!  
    
USING Religion ...
To Give Themselves Visions ...  
of AGAIN Being ... PURE ... ?!!!!!?  
    
That's STUPID ... Fa' SURE ... !!!!!!  
    
A Leopard DOES NOT Change His Spots ... !!!  
    
He's A LEOPARD ... FOREVER ... !!!!!  
YES Humans Can BETTER ...    
Themselves ... YES IT's True ...    

But NOT In A Morning ... !!!  
That's STUPIDITY ... Calling ... !!!!!  
    
Is It Stupid To Say These Things Nowadays ... ?!?  
NOT IN My View But MANY Would Choose ...  
    
To Say .....  
    
" It is true, cos expression moves, and causes issues,  
and if you're not careful, may turn and bite you !"    
    
Man ... FEAR of YOUR TRUTH ...  
Seems Like ... FEARING YOU ... ?!!!?  
    
Something I View ...  
As YES A ... STUPID MOVE ... !!!!!  
    
Stupidity REIGNS ...  
When FEAR Takes The Strain ... !!!!!  

That's Now What's IMPRINTED .....  
And Runs Through My Veins ... !!!!!!!  
    
I Try To Use THINKING ...  
To Avoid ... STUPID TRAINS ... !!!  
    
Cos' Thought OVERPOWERS STUPIDITY's Power ... !!!  
    
As Does DISCIPLINE ...
Which Is Where I Begin ...  
    
NO RELIGION ... Within ... !!!  
    
Just Faith In Reflection ...  
And Thought FILLED Selections ... !!!  
On Life And It's LESSONS ... !!!  
To Give Me ... "PROTECTION" ...  
Against The INFECTIONS ... !!!!!  
    
STUPIDITY Spreads In UNDISCIPLINED Heads ...  
It's CLEAR TO ME Now That FOOLS Run Most Towns ... !!!!!  
    
And My Thinking That THOUGHT ...  
In People ... Runs FLUID ... !!!!!!  
    
Gives Me LIVING PROOF ...  
That I'm Being ........  
    
..... " STUPID " .....

*******
truth pretender
parents send her
life defender

he's a ******
slimy maggot
feeling ragged
bag and tag it

hurting words
spitting herds
cheezy curds
stupid nerds

mental case
dizzy space
ugly face
**** my race

Time to kneel
grab a feel
scary tweel
innocence steal

Eat a steak
garden rake
veggie snake
life forsake

Not pretend
we defend
savior send
the end

Welcome to the land of golden trout

Where black bears roam and hawks still shout

In the eastern Sierras, hills of the west

Tales of the Adventurers and their first test.

Forming an alliance in Santa Cruz

They left together, unwilling to lose.

Packing up and heading down the trail

They knew as a team they would never fail.

Without a moment’s hesitation nor shred of doubt

The crew took their Tools of Tenacity out

And in less than three months flat

The Adventurers finished, exclaiming “that’s that!”


But who composes this mysterious crew?

Wait just one moment, I promise I’ll tell you.

First, there’s Nico the Noble, the leader so fearless

Who also frightens many when he’s not beardless;

Followed by Ben the Benevolent with his hearty laugh

And never without his Capitals hat;

Kahn the Courageous has his wild antics

Telling stories with Buckeye semantics;

Jamie the Just and her vegan ways

Had to eat lentils for most of her days;

See Jen the Jubilant with camera-in-hand

Shaving logs for as long as she can;

The team’s newest member, Maggie the Merciful,

Has now experienced the wilderness in full;

Tim the Wise lacks alliteration, unlike the others

But has chased many cows, some scraping their udders;

And at last there’s me, the Notable Narrator,

So our crew’s legacy can live forever.


In our quest the crew has changed slightly.

Those unable to handle the tasks lightly

Had left- like Mary, Bobby, and Stary the Skeptical

All well-admired, and mostly respectable.


Now let’s shift our story to the work completed

In the struggling meadow, its health near-depleted.

Using fallen trees that have long-since passed

We found a clearing with their numbers quite vast.

Cutting the deceased into sixteen-foot longs

And lugging them over thickets and bogs

Our team stacked them perpendicular

To the stream, or creek, in particular

And in a magician’s “ta-da!” moment

Water rose up to our new component,

Flowing over the freshly-made dam

Then briefly meeting with dirt and sand

At the bottom. Multiplied by thirty

And that was work: rigorous and *****.

But why were the Adventurers sent there,

To build check-dams and do repairs?

It was, in part, human consumption

That led to the meadow’s near-destruction:

America’s insatiable need for beef

Will not, for a long time, see any relief,

So Industry has pushed forward, sending cows to the fields

Grazing and growing to become our future meals.

But little did Industry know how devastating

Hundreds of cattle leave an ecosystem suffocating.

Trampling grass and dispersing banks underhoof

The bovine are easily guilty, there’s so much proof.

Stupid, noxious, and obnoxious creatures

Recognized by these, easily their best features.

Incessantly screaming day and night

They are more like demons by every right.

Yet the Forest Service lets ranchers send

Hundreds of cattle, seemingly without end.

And while the Golden Trout crew fixed things,

It’s not enough to ease the strain the cows will bring.


So what can we do, if anything at all

If we go veggie will Industry stall?

Can the end of beef save the earth

Is society only worried when we gain in girth?

That’s not for me to say right now

It’s up to you to answer the “how?”


But I digress, I must end the story

Of the Adventurers and their summer glories.

In the end they saved the meadow, saved the day

Held the bovine rampage at bay,

Raised water levels, erosion erased,

Then was the time to leave that place.

So the Adventurers hopped in their van,

Eight warriors mean, lean, and tan,

And took off down the mountainside

To Santa Cruz and the oceanside.

Each followed one’s own path

But only after taking many baths.

The Golden Trout legacy will live forever,

Only made possible by the best crew ever.

Will you be a training woman? In case you are the amount of girl exactly who needs to stay fit, it is possible to termed as personal training toddler. It's very crucial to stay accommodate specially if you may be female. It is because you may be within an age your location impressionable. You must look hard together with the only technique to be certain this really to successfully keep fit. Numerous people perceive the saying health and fitness and they believe it is actually a word of mouth that is certainly and so difficult. To the contrary, retaining good health can prove to be a piece of cake should you have the correct outlook. You will find a handful of techniques in the case of maintaining fitness. The best thing is to include physical fitness on your daily life and discover certainly not regret it. It is vital to start with key specifics of the necessity of maintaining fitness. Outside of looking positive and even little, you can be determining to drive away sicknesses which can be via really being thus over weight. Such obstacles get rid of several on an annual basis and then, it doesn't matter what age you are. Subsequently, within the staying strong, embrace getting integrate life. No one has to get started on a extremely high collection the wonder on the subject of preserving good health may extra put it into practice, better suits you the idea. A workout infant might entice lots of fellas within the life Cheap Fitflop Malaysia. It is not even if associated with the girl elegance though, it's also resulting from your ex very good and also incredible restraint in your everyday living. Consequently, can be done some small things designed to be sure that you definitely are a exercise woman so that you can reckon by using. The very first thing children do the moment they want to are a suit lady is almost always to deprive yourself of food by themselves.

This is basically the inappropriate move to make. Skipping meals can refuse your physique essential goodness the moment expected. Therefore, tend not to argue your self cuisine. Actually, you should ensure that you consume if you can. I will be referring to choosing the best dishes in a number sections each and every day. What happens a good dishes to have usually are. The complete concept would be to eat when organic as feasible. People foodstuffs that will not will need cooking be more effective Fitflop. They are really mostly fiber rich foods. When you have to prepare dinner dishes, remember to use a most suitable oil in this situation, a bed that is healthy. Enhanced cooking oils often include high levels of. Still sebum for example essential assists simply correctly. As being a health and fitness toddler Cheap Fitflop Sale, you do not possess to consider similar to a peculiar guy.

One or two alters will guarantee that you will hold nourishing. Just like, instead of drinking alcohol coke, you can drink plenty of water and even veggie juice. And not taking in fries, to nibble on nut products. Hence, it is far from about granting yourself some manages yet changing individuals to get consistently good foods. Medication physical fitness, abide by it by. You may execute this from setting goals that are authentic and additionally feasible. Health and fitness will start in the thoughts and also, you'll be able to accomplish all you want normally indicate.
Relate Articles:
http://www.dailyexpress.com.my/iphone/FitflopMalaysia.asp

Its 3am and I'd rather be somewhere else.
I  made a veggie burger.
And ate a jar of pickles.
And thought about crying,
But I didn't want to exert the energy.

Marmite! (Veggie Mite) Peanut Butter!


Marmite and peanut butter,

My God what a terrible thought,

Both truly vile,

Pungent,

Repugnant,

Foul in texture,

Reviled in taste!

Never have I ever bought,

Incredible how some can love 'em,

I can't bear the taste,

Smell makes me feel really ill,

Worse than any bitter pill!

Please don't make me a sarnie,

Not with these,

No not ever,

By all means spend your time with me,

Please to you I thee beseech,

That these two dreadful foods so vile,

Hit the dustbin in big style!
By ladylivvi1



© 2013 ladylivvi1 (All rights reserved)

tootsie pops, pop rocks, rock candy
sweet tarts, smelly farts, war-heads, sour patch kids
reeses pieces, reeses stix, snickers lickers
fudge pile, chocolate smile, peanut butter bile, sugary style
baby ruths, almond joys, soy bean sauce, creamy steam
ill give u a payday, mayday, hay tastes good with parfai
milkyways stay gay to play games with sunrays
icing splicing with knife dicing
makes cakes, cook steaks, rumcakes
****** sprinkles, rip van winkle, diddily dinkle
gummy worms, germs impregnate firm, permed urns
angel food, carrots, pineapple upsideways
fruits, *****, parachutes, scooters, jello shooters
goobers, corn on the cobbers,
veggie wedgies, pepper leppers, squash boxes,
fry foxes, fleet rocks', carrot tops',
dishes of fishes,
witches brew platypus and fat kush
pushy slushies riding skateboards on gary busy
fussy hussies getting blushy about cussies
cereal made of creoles, bread straight from dreads,
rice is nice with spice, yeast is beast,
last but not least, wheat is a treat,
kiwis, shmiwis, dodos on go phones, starfruits,
bartlejuice, grape drank, sushi stinks.
ill eat anything.

Tis the season once again
For me to cast my vote
This year I'm going Bananas
Instead of Artichoke

When it comes to Apples & Oranges
They're pretty much the same
As I close the curtain on the booth
And just start punching names

Asparagus is tops on my list
Much more than Brussels Sprouts
What Veggie will lead the charge
We'll have to wait to find that out

So let's freshen up the voting block
And somewhere in between
As we vote raw our favorite vegetable
The rest of them we'll steam

Six-armed things of Asiatic trances,
temple belles entwined in temple dances:
mantra in one hand, the other holds naan.
One holding chutney and the other, paan.
Two hands left (befitting of deity):
one offers curry, one incense.  Aseity
signifies self-contented wonderment.
(One wonders as well what that mantra meant...)

Note the third eye in the figure's forehead:
a spare one in case left or right go dead?
But really—how freakish these idols look:
a ******-pantheon from a nightmare book.
(Outdone only by the Aztecs for fright
along with demons born of tribal night.)

Cobra-crowned elephant-headed mutants
sickly-sweet incense, divine pollutants
mix in with the stench of bodies burning
alongside the filthy Ganges churning
flowing with ashes from funeral ghats
excrement, corpses of humans and rats
that swarmed humble hovels of Hindustan
where gods are mass-produced for fallen man.

Maidens in saris with red tinted lips;
glossy vulgarity, loose at the hips
now growing more arms; an insect vision
enough to make one gag on religion.
The ubiquitous trident looms, a sign:
the eternally present un-divine.
Instead, it ought to stick some sacred cow
in its bovine buttocks, and so allow
beef curry for a hungry avatar
craving fresh meat in his juggernaut car.

Turn from this antediluvian scene
in sincerity, ask: what does it mean?
Were you created in these gods' image?
Is anything real behind their visage?
Blue skin and sick smiles, anointed with ghee:
exotic... but wrong theologically.
Till lingams are yonis I'll spell it out;
these Aryan idols should merit your doubt.
Such weirdness deserves some analysis
(as did old Diana of Ephesus).

Would you tingle if such a god showed up
and offered to refill your soma cup,
sending siddhis up your spinal column
with you in full lotus, clueless, solemn.
Would you offer puja in their temple,
bedeck your soul in a robe to sample
veggie-masalas, chapatis and dal,
peruse the Upanishads, and enthrall
your mind with the mystic old Rig-Vedas
fall for idolatrous sin conveyed
as spiritual truth when it's just a big lie...
bow before a multi-armed freak?  Not I.
Not for all the visions in Satan's world.
Better to call B.S. than to be hurled
to hell for living and loving this lie
embracing monstrosities. By and by
the books will be opened. The Lord will judge.
Consider this your transcendental nudge
toward something less false, less fearfully fake
than the idols Antichrist nations make.

Jocks

While lovely Eileen entertained us all,
with her wonderful words of lace and satin,
it made me want to answer the call,
make guys proud, like General Patton

the guys wear jocks to cloister their tools,
the perfect size so hard to find,
need to protect those precious jewels,
from errant kicks and grabs from behind

most are just elastic and cotton,
some are furry you get from **** shops,
absorb the sweat they smell quite rotten,
pick up with 1 finger or handles of mops

the backs are weird like gives you ******,
when grabbed by the band and yanked real hard,
guys in gym like to snap like frozen veggie,
then try to get you on their dance card

cause now you can sing those real high notes,
your face quite large like you have the mumps,
squeal like girlie man being attacked by goats,
don't bend over you expose those rumps    

but it is important to protect your package,
keep is safe for your favorite gal,
not real good to have swollen sackage,
not even if choice is a guy named Hal

Gomer LePoet...

“I'd love to tell you I had some deep revelation on my way down, that I came to terms with my own mortality, laughed in the face of death, et cetera.
The truth? My only thought was: Aaaaggghhhh!”

“I could have killed you.”
“Or I could have killed you,”
he shrugged. “If there’d been an ocean in Kansas, maybe.”
“I don’t need an ocean—”
“Boys,” she interrupted, “I’m sure you both would’ve been wonderful at killing each other. But right now, you need some rest.”

"My fatal flaw. That's what the Sirens showed me. My fatal flaw is hubris."
"The brown stuff they spread on veggie sandwiches?"
"No, Seaweed Brain. That's HUMMUS. hubris is worse."
"What could be worse than hummus?"

"How did you die?"
"We er... drowned in a bathtub."
"All three of you?"
"It was a big bathtub."

**Best chapter names:

I Accidentally Vaporize My Pre-Algebra Teacher
2.Three Old Ladies Knit the Socks of Death
3.Grover Unexpectedly Loses his Pants
4.My Mother Teaches Me Bullfighting
6.I Become Supreme Lord of the Bathroom
7.My Dinner Goes Up in Smoke
10.I Ruin a Perfectly Good Bus
12.We Get Advice from a Poodle
16.We Take a Zebra to Vegas
17.We Shop for Water Beds

next to prime rib
is a miniature fir
or bush
lumberjacked at
the trunk
you press like a bobblehead
plugging nostrils with green
steam and shake and
nobody wants to spitspoil red meat
and everyone agrees
so you collect veggie trees
arrange them in a forest
and reenact little red riding hood
with a cherry tomato
you bite -

you ******* werewolf
vampire where were you
when the fetus
crowned like a tulip pistil
harnesses by an umbilical noose
and the nurse paused and said
she's dead
and cried
and she cried too
while I waited with her father
her mother
and mine
and three friends
and nine months of this
for that
you ******* ******

not even john hancock
can sign a birth certificate
and a death certificate
in a nightmare
let alone in one night

Cracks in cover let
Sun in hits like
Bullets

Unwrapped window
Gives solar epiphany
To cocooned child

Flee fluorescent,
Flee faux verve
Doorframe: portal
Extra-terrestrial
World through eaves
Like bug zappers
See-through walls
Most envious glass
****** passage

Cold shoulder, concrete, masonry
Phosphenes gleaming, staggering
Hotfoot, addled eyes
Inverted wavelengths
Gravel clinging, unwise
Scrutinized steps to grass
Great big sigh
Saluting sky
With micro pupils
Torrid shell
Swollen locks
Rejoice

Westside: Central Avenue
Pack up, load up
Truckpower to State Street
Beer, veggie dogs
Corn-on-cob
Bag-of-fruit
Checkout scandal

Three-in-the-front
State to thirty-three
Thirty-three to thirteen
Chauncey, Jacksonville,
Trimble, Glouster,
Bonnie’s Home Cooking
Opposite British Petroleum
Exhausted loan office
Opposite Coal Miner Emeritus

Burr Oak: closed
Margin parking
Bathroom clothes
Tasteful vest
Bathroom tissue to brim
Feet welcome
Pass up close up camp spots
I feel a pull to the valley
Clearing: stop, rest
Crack, chug, more wood
Fire, crack, chug, more wood
Chat, crack, chug

Copper detuned chime
Of that ephemeral vibrato
Drone of nine-volt synth
Into kaput tape deck
& we sing & chant & cackle

Campfire chatter:
Bitter pill
Naïve philosophy
Crack, chug
Empathy
More wood

“So when I was seventeen still going to church there were these events they were called “lock-ins” we stayed the night at the church they took our cells our watches took down every clock & covered the windows so we wouldn’t be aware of anything only God & so there would be lectures & guest speakers & bible readings and discussions & also these ******* bizarre activities like they would turn off all the lights light a **** ton of candles & they would blindfold us and give us a little piece of paper and a little pencil and they’d tell us in a omniscient little voice to write down one sin we’ve committed on the little piece of paper fold it & nail it (still blindfolded) to this huge wooden cross with this little hammer & I guarantee every one of us wrote down *******.  

Now that I think of it the whole thing was about ******* every speaker had some story of how they used to ******* all the time and how they were released of the devils hold and that ******* is a sin and will send you to hell and all of us kids were boys and every single adult was a woman they all looked at us like they read our paper like we were sinners like we would always be sinners just slimy ******* who would always ******* (like we would ever understand what it felt to be a woman or what a woman felt like) & their eyes were gleaming with such shallow sympathy that you knew they were true god fearing Christians”

(All at once)
Stab, chug, crack, chug
Stab, chug, crack, chug
Stab, chug, crack, chug

Bliss

On a Friday afternoon, in the Burger joint for my weekly treat
Celebrating another week in, that I'd survived another week in the job
I ordered my usual, a Veggie burger meal
They have this lovely Veggie burger, it's a burger made of potato with a lot of other vegetables through it
Is very tasty, this and some nice big chunky chips/ fries along with it, with some sachets of tomato sauce
All rounded off with a nice Black coffee... very nice...
The restaurant was quite busy that day for some reason, my usual seat was taken
So I had to find somewhere else to sit

As I sat there feeling happy with myself
I was reminded of something I'd once read  about the great Irish poet W.B.Yeats
He was sitting in a teashop once looking out the window at the passing crowds
And he suddenly realised that life was good, that he could bless and be blessed
I thought to myself "I knew what he meant"
Then suddenly out of the corner of my eye I notice someone looking over at me... looking directly at me
Indeed they seem to be staring at me
I thought to myself "Better not make eye contact, might be some kind of ******"
Then I noticed someone else was looking over at me too
"What the **** are you looking at!" I thought to myself
And then there was another person and then another
"What the **** are you all looking at??!" I thought getting a little flustered at this stage
Every few moments a head would pop up and start looking straight over at me
I was beginning to feel very uncomfortable
Suddenly it seemed like they were all looking over at me... the whole feckin' room
"What the hell are you all looking at, you bunch of feckers", I thought
"Had I turned into the elephant man or something !!"
Finally I said I'm getting the hell out of here
Their all looking at me
So I stuffed my bag of chips in my pocket
Drained my cup of coffee and wrapped what was left of my burger in a napkin to take away
As I stood up to put on my coat I turned around
And noticed for the first time there was a big TV screen up on the wall right behind me
So that's what the feckers were all looking over at
It wasn't me at all!!!

"**** !" I thought, "spoiled my whole feckin' lunch
W.B. Yeats my ****".

for Jeannie Kristufek Hawrysz who once quoted me Shakespeare -
"Of all the words in the universe, when stated thrice, only one royal above all gleams best, an uncoded mathematical tripartite repetitive stating:
love love love this."
----------------------------

third attempt and just not happening
then recall a Ben Folds hand-me-down
heard on Tuesday, passed onto me by Sara B.
about writer’s block

“Kick the editor out of the room”

the best don’t even flow,
they fall out of ya, rough and tumbling,
screaming did ya get that,
are ya keeping up,
you can be the self-editing-I need-perfection roadblock
or the delivery guy, the one with the towel and the scissors, who brings ya a clean new baby, and/or a veggie pizza,
which ya gonna pick?

another nougat nugget:
when you’re stuck, write about the block,
what’s sticking you; one would have thought
some one thousand five hundred poems later,
this one would have been midwifed a long, long time ago,  
but at 4:32am, it’s all I got

rather than throw false news confetti on myself
from the rafters that don’t exist in a citified apartment,
I’ll reward myself with some
rock n’ pop,
a revisitation to the scene of the crime, and listen quiet like and maybe leak back to prone sleep,
in hopes that the rest of the gang,
hoping the words to a  poem-in-transit,
“confetti is just tomorrow’s garbage”
gets off at my dreamy new subway stop


should the wordy birdies shotgun come sneaking in
thru the correct ear
i.e. not the sunken pillow one,
so I have half a fat chance of
recalling its dimensions in an hour, 
when I wake up-officially,


fat chance

later, like 4:56am

https://hellopoetry.com/poem/2471979/confetti-is-just-tomorrows-garbage/

Twenty classless, eight cigarettes. 
Fighting over the radio at the 
Inpatient Mental Health Facility, 
A broken sense of belonging, 
And a dearth of veggie burgers. 

Listless with his lists, of course. 
Angst from the Anglophile, unable to 
Put a stopper in the pouring, 
Bleeding emotions. 
Open hands 
Stained red, and brown. 
Three breaks a day, scarring his 
Broken knuckles, they paint the walls. 

Code Smoking Gun, 
Code Smoking Green, 
Manic man, loading his shoulders with his 
Father’s burden, too big for Atlas’s arms, 
Or his mother’s shunning palms. 

Three breaks a day, 
Knee, shoulder, hip. 
The coffee’s decaf 
But your calves? Well, 
They’re just sore. 

They dish the brick every 
Other evening. But living, for 
No light, only serves to lessen your 
Love of life and make you 
Light-headed.

Broken beds with rock-solid
Pillows. Three breaks a day to
Remind you of your regression. We
Want you here as much.
Why’re you whining?

Busy doctors bust the doors, thank 
God for the freedom, the 
Fluorescent finish to your odyssey. The 
Flowers and grass greet you in 
Shades of pink and green your 
Greedy eyes hadn’t seen. 
Exhale. Ghost out your grieving.

She was only 15, no boyfriends yet
At a family gathering their eyes first met
Now Rob's not shy, with plenty of chat
So he gave her a call and they never looked back.

She went to Cambridge to get her degree
So every weekend, so did he.

When that was all done, what's next to do?
No more travelling, just me and you
In a cottage in Framsden made for two

With ferrets and fish and a couple of dogs
Oka cooks happy meat while Rob chops logs
A veggie garden appeared for a spell
A few came up, but the weeds did well.
Some chickens arrived and did their thing
Then so did the fox to commit his sin.

Now Rob loves his hobbies, it gets on her wick
When he's in his shed fiddling with his welding stick.
But life is quite settled, time passes like this
Living their version of unmarried bliss.

But something is missing, the feeling grows
She thinks to herself, will he ever propose?
Then leap year comes round, with it's extra day
That was her chance to have her say

Rob knew it was coming, he took the day off.
She said I want to be married, now don't you scoff!
But Rob wasn't scoffing, he said now I'm sure
I do love my Landie, but I love you more.

That brings us right up to this special day
We all wish you well, we all want to say
May your lives together be happy, healthy and long
May your love for each other keep growing strong.

I lived a childhood of dirt:
my beginning and end, my friend, my
frontier. Dirt was the reason why
when other kids were always sick, my antibodies
made me a demigoddess, a mud-pie,
sand-cookie, dirt gourmet
crunching lightly-rinsed carrots wiggled
straight from the ground.
It never hurt, never hurt at all.

Warm dirt under my knees and hands,
my nails blackened, feet buried like I
could root myself in the soil -- I was lettuce
with dirt at the center of each lacy skirt.
Horseradish, deep in the ground and bitter,
wanting to become something sweeter, a new
tree or rosebush or better yet a veggie,
like the wild dirt-skinned potatoes
I dug up in the yard.

But tubers don’t have moms who give
***** looks and shake their heads,
examine your hair and your nails.
She sighs at the dark stain of your
feet, and banishes you
to a white tub, where she scrubs
the back of your neck, muttering
“Dirt, dirt, dirt,” as if
she doesn’t know what you are made of.

So give me the dirt, because I know my onions.
Always digging for gossip, flipping up
the neighborhood skirt, curious whispers
the way cornstalks share their childhood
tales before being tilled down,
becoming rich, dark dirt.
Ashes to ashes, I recognize some
for what they are, just fertilizer
for the imaginations and vibrations of others.

I may be half dirt but don’t
treat me like it, full of grit and
covered in sand from my hands to
my elbows. But what I am won’t
put up with your *******. Dirt is
a mother, to feed and flourish, dirt
is a woman much like me, and you
will never know the dirt under my
fingernails the same way I do.

a pleasant anticipation they give to your chafing taste buds
for that taste once sampled is forever craved

their shapes beckon visually to
keen designer minds

and their ancient blessings go back to 2000 B.C.
much later, their nutrients American Indians praised

they give veggie hugs to those most in need
of a psychological boost or a tooth's soft sink

when you sit down to dinner and before you gleams their pale green
a smile might open your mouth for the tasty taste of a ....  ....