"underestimates" poems
Frozen in the darkness silence peacefully shrouds me
hoping that I am breathless, praying he wont see,
this sublime sorrow I am gasping in the pain
swallowing bitter tears seconds from insane.
Defining the emotion each and every time
trying not to echo, balancing on the line,
silence is a killer but not my reason to die
hearing in this deafness will always make me cry.
The shadows over take me, speak the unspoken curse
just as well I am dying can't bear to smell this hearse.
Weighed down by lost tomorrows my memory finally broke,
why is it always my own hands gripped to make me choke?
His hug comforts my stomach blindly in his sleep
not knowing in this darkness my eyes can't help but weep,
obscurity plays around me tries to steal my breath
every time I close my eyes I know I’m close to death.
Panic underestimates the power the black withholds
carving me so gently, painless as it moulds
I sweat out my reaction cause words can't find a voice,
helplessly devoted to lay I have no choice.
Everything suffocates can't bear to close my eyes
repeated optimism as I see how everyone dies,
my mind is there to haunt me it never gives me peace
all the pills digested at will, still wont make it cease.
Night is a blur now confused by chemical reaction
convulsions rage as death excels performing its extraction,
in the mix I see his face traumatised by my choice, it's made
but time has gone his actions futile as sight begins to fade,
regret stabs flesh repentantly too late to change effect
I know he’ll cry forever at his failure to correct.
My selfish, vengeful actions will speak louder than my word
he never seen the suicide…do you think he finally heard?
Aug 8, 2010
Aug 8, 2010 at 7:07 AM UTC
I throw comments to the wind
Ignorance keeps them afloat
I no longer take to heart
******** gliding from your throat
Your words grow weak
They wear thin
Confidence becoming strong
Don the realization that
Your home is where we don't belong
Insults get scattered like leaves
Falling from bare branches
Thoughts flow from your mind
Never-ending negative avalanches
Ashes I have been buried under
Remains of each mistake
Not charred hiding places but a jail
Out which I must break
Gotta keep from accumulating
Passive movements difficult to avoid
Hit walls hardest speeding fast
Crash like earthbound asteroids
It's great you are switching directions
Patterns easy to accurately predict
Mild
Temperate
Always fair-weathered
Around us come unhitched
You loved us once..
Has that gone?
Distracted by vultures' dying food
Rumors
Carcasses of gossip they feed on
Believing tails they allude
We are doing good
We are just fine
Have a job and a roof overhead
Everybody underestimates what we can do
By 30 we'll probably be dead
I anticipated this thoughts arrival
It still doesn't feel quite real
Stuff packed in bags and boxes
Across the porch surreal
We'll take pride and possessions
Say farewell spread with awkward "ums"
Mumbling how one day soon
We will spend some time that never comes
Dec 6, 2019
Dec 6, 2019 at 4:22 AM UTC
The hatchet starts it all.
Burrowing into the lower depths.
Spaces so small.
The layout underestimates, deceives us.
A need for freedom.
Attempts to resist are futile, outrageous
Then the sewers.
Murky, rancid and foul is the stench.
Senses dulling, aromas piercing like skewers
Don’t stop now.
Elbows, shoulders, calves are tense,
Faintly hearing the moo of a cow.
Just a little more
Finally the light beckons…….all hope is lost
The final barrage of bullets shake to the core.
Jul 31, 2011
Jul 31, 2011 at 7:01 PM UTC
fifteen is your first polaroid camera
fifteen is your poetry phase
and your journal phase
keep these poems
these journals
these ideas
because as much as you deny it they are all about someone
fifteen is the confusing dance of friendships
fifteen is the flaws your afraid of
and the person you dream of becoming
don't let your flaws eat you alive
become the person you are dreaming of
fifteen is goosebumps in class
fifteen is first love
and the first heart break
but everyone underestimates fifteen
when in reality fifteen is forever
fifteen is the first traces of alcohol on your lips
and the first fingers on your skin
fifteen is the late nights in the rain
fifteen lives in us always
fifteen is forever
Dec 8, 2013
Dec 8, 2013 at 7:03 AM UTC
She Is Long Gone Now & She Matters Not,
Would Her Own Image Ever Forgive Her,
Asking Now From That Celestial Mirror,
The Eyes She Would Never Stare Now,
Is The Pair Of Eyes Belonging To Her.
Hat Belonging To The Dress Man,
And Other Items She Had Worn,
Tiptop As A Dancer She Appeared,
Especially For Their College Fest,
Smallest Issues Saw Her Cousin Separated..
Knowing She Is Deep Inside Her Heart,
Righteous Moral Knowledge Absent,
Into A Never-Ending Pit She Falls,
Pitying Not Myself But I Know It,
Indians She Underestimates...
Oct 17, 2016
Oct 17, 2016 at 8:17 AM UTC
Why am I always like this?
Why can't I just relax and just be?
Here's a secret, a emotion deep and unseen,
I've been fighting the notion to die since I was fourteen
I've been trying to rationalize my own being
I know that giving up won't accomplish anything
But being alone is such a corrosive thing
Tying to suppress the song that the siren sings
I've been carrying this weight so long and struggling
And can't get anyone shift some of the burden from me
How do I cry for help if I'm dizzy from spinning
How long has been since I've been winning
Being stranded at sea barely swimming
So many verses and chapters I've started from the beginning
And it usually works for the first time
Then the thousand cuts come and I'm
Bathing in sea salt and lime
Emotions pivot on a dime
And nobody sees because they have no time.
So why am I like this? Because no one has shown me otherwise
What it's like to be a part of something instead of being stuck inside my on head going for rides
With my demon in confessional to whom
In pen in paper I confide.
And while it seems for a while I take it in stride
Every single person underestimates the torture I feel inside.
May 1, 2017
May 1, 2017 at 7:36 AM UTC
Undoubtingly blessed
He is doomed to suffer!
He is destined to falter
He seemingly loathes progress
He underestimates his abilities
He is oblivious of his potential
He believes not in later
But is fixated on now
No one is at fault for his demise
Until he arises
He is doomed to suffer!
Jul 11, 2015
Jul 11, 2015 at 4:13 PM UTC
He underestimates himself,
He only waits for a wonder,
He thinks he’s better off sad,
And afraid to become brighter.
He doesn’t wanna grow up,
So he sinks in his lies
Interfering strive for the top
And stop all of his cries,
He doesn’t even know
Why he is doing that,
Why he’s on his own
And why he is mad.
Here is another day,
Another torment as he thinks,
He need to turn it other way
And he will spread his mighty wings.
He wakes up again,
Cleans himself up,
Turns on Cobain,
Pours tea into his cup–
Everything is as usual.
Life loves him so much,
But her love is unmutual.
Some time and he’s at his work,
It’s only thing loved by him,
But he tells her no word,
So, it’s time to begin.
His boss wanna meet him–
He has no choice
And he left the whole team
To hear his voice
– Good morning, Mr. White,
How is your well-being?
– Good morning, Mr.Fry,
I’m good (that was a kidding)
– That’s why you’re here.
What’s with your mental health?
– I can tell you, but I fear…
– I’ll keep it all to myself.
– Why should I trust you?
– I swear, I’ll be true to my word.
– I’ve fire in my soul that I can’t stew,
Seems like I’m in hell and I’m burnt,
Why? I lost my last friend of suicide,
His dead hurts me more than my mother’s–
She’s never been on my side,
I think I'll be killed by my bothers.
Do you understand me and my feelings?
– You don't know, but I have no parents...
Your worries didn't lost their meanings,
But you have to cool down to gain a balance.
Please, take life easier than you’re doing,
Don't think that you are totally lonely,
Life is a place you infinitely grow in,
Even if you do it unbelievably slowly.
I hope you’ll never forget what I said.
– You’re orphan?… I’m so sorry..
You showed me my worldview is so bad,
Thank you for that, I mustn’t worry
To my awful mood become good.
I understood that I wasn’t right,
To be hapless or blessed– I may choose,
I hate myself 'cause I’m blind.
It’s time to comprehend the truth,
Time to amend my inner-self,
I know, this way will not be smooth,
But I can do this ’til I stop my breath.
– I’m glad to know I am understood.
Your work is looking forward to you.
Now you have to better your mood.
Take care, there is nothing else I can do.
– I can’t thank you enough, I’m off!
Many ideas turned over in his mind,
He revived his personal growth,
His life started to turn into a flight.
Two months later:
He forgot that once he was sad,
He became better
And his past problems are dead,
We really can say that!
Mar 12, 2021
Mar 12, 2021 at 12:35 AM UTC
Because suicide isn't quirky.
I am a friend of indecisive,
Of misdirected,
Of **** infested,
I am a friend of pain,
I have an enemy,
Who bits my ****
But he underestimates me,
He thinks I'm lame,
I am a friend of confession,
Depression,
Of bipolar,
Of anxiety,
You don't know who you are without me,
You become familiar with me,
You get close to me,
I'm the only thing you know,
With all certainty,
You can quote my regularity,
If other people push me out,
And your lost without me,
You'll invent me again yourself,
I am close cousins with stress,
But even closer to hate,
You will think of me In the wee hours,
You will miss my touch,
I have many faces,
Many things that keep me going,
Whether its your fear of failure,
Or you fear of any noise in the house at night,
Or Your mothers disapproval,
You weren't there for your best friend,
Why hadn't you read that text,
You have nightmares,
She's gone now she's dead,
I am best friends with PTSD
And abuse is my criminal partner,
You're scared of candles,
Scared of fire,
Because of the way you used to burn yourself,
You used to hurt yourself;
Everyone has bad days.
Some you want to take your life,
Others,
You can't believe,
You'd ever dream of it,
You'd ever think of it,
This is your last sunset,
But they never think that,
They only see bad things and i get it,
Suicide isn't romantic,
Depression isn't cute.
But my friends only think of reasons to die,
Never ones to live,
This is your last sunset,
This is your last sunrise,
Last baby's laugh,
Last tear you'll cry
And it sounds good at first,
At first it sounds so much better then Breathing;
But if you go on the bad days,
You'll never reach the good ones,
You're out,
You're the gender you've always felt inside,
You've found love,
You have a child,
You get sad to think,
That you could have ever thought that.
Stay strong.
Aug 1, 2016
Aug 1, 2016 at 1:33 PM UTC
it is 19:43 and I think of how you hate military time and how I always have to change it myself for you when you ask the time.
"recover holly!" you always say, but I think to last night when you handed me a blade. sure, it was was for styrofoam cutting and not skin cutting, but for a guy who remembers everything else so well, you seemed to forget that I would be triggered .
you never allow me to help you, and it hurts because everyone always underestimates what I'm capable of and what I can do and I thought you were different.
you assure me that my weight doesn't matter, but look how you spin Natalie and Alayna around. why can I not be skinny enough to fly in your arms?
I'll probably send this to Madison later, not you though. you're my inspiration, you help so much. but you hate poetry and my creative outlet is lesser than yours.
I feel as if I would be truly sad if you moved next year, but you wouldn't miss me.
and what will you do if I get better? you are nothing more than a 911 operator; you'll save me and then leave.
oh dear, I feel like I don't need you.
but I do.
I need you because you get me and I ******* hate how much you understand me. I wish you were a dumb boy.
I need you because no one else ******* cares about me anymore.
and no, I don't 'like' you. I just can't ******* lose my life line.
Mar 22, 2014
Mar 22, 2014 at 7:43 PM UTC
A beautiful creation
A powerful persuation
Underestimates nation
Build the foundation
In my heart navigation
Hey! You curly haired
The one let the coffee said
I'm warmer than her
Be careful!
Don't get burned sir!
Aug 5, 2019
Aug 5, 2019 at 12:56 PM UTC
When I'm all alone fighting my own threshold I can't see anyone but...The times I feel like life is not worth living I can't see anyone but...Those days I hide myself in my cave feeling enraged I can't see anyone but... The Times I need someone to lean on the most but they seem "ghost" I can't see anyone but...When I'm frustrated needing someone to talk to when no ones relating , I can't see anyone but... Those days I feel I don't belong even in this place called "home",I can't see anyone but...The days I wanna be loved but I get shoved away, I can't see anyone but... The man above, not even visible to the eye though the water is draining when I cry. I can't see anyone but...my father , the one who understands never underestimates my plans . I can't see anyone but.. the man upstairs the one I know who care and with my problems I share. Those days I feel like I can't he shows me I can . I can't see anyone but... the guidance of spirit who gives his unconditional love to the living. On my worst days when my heart is hurting in the held in tears start bursting. I can't see anyone but... I go against the odds and realize besides all these people he's beautiful in my eyes. No love is better it lives forever inside... (Thank God )
Feb 1, 2015
Feb 1, 2015 at 2:46 PM UTC
She has no pride
No self love to begin with
How can you tell her she is self centered because she eats before the lunch breaks or how she makes tea for just herself and no one else
When she has no ego
She doesn't boast about victories or laugh at her own jokes
She doesn't tell everyone about her new hair cut or ask them to notice what's different today.
She does envy...
She hates that she couldn't get her grades above average or how she never had anything to be proud of.
She was jealous of the way her friends were content with life and happy when she would sit in her room and wonder why she cannot be them!
This is the girl you laugh at and the girl you underestimate just as much as she underestimates herself.
Jul 31, 2017
Jul 31, 2017 at 12:57 PM UTC