A broken love
the broken eyes
The reason why my mind is uncontrolable
Convince to the greater good
I try in my mind
but i don't to eyes
I look up to people
but I look down
The truth is unspoken
except to the broken
Cover up the oblivious
at the end
everything stays
unforgettable
unfixable
broken

Grasping hold of the glass i watched the night clock off,
Draining the paper held within my fingers,
Slipping down my throat till the tide had long gone out,
Feet tapping along with the throbing of the night.
I sit there observing that figure of male perfection,
Happy and cheerful, dancing this memorable night away,
And I stand, lowering my glass, stumble my way towards him,
Where he notices me finally, I smile, he smiles too.
I sway with him, and the others, always looking into the depths,
Losing my mind, feeling lighter than the balloons that hang freely,
And I think an uncontrolable thought, to reach out to him,
But as the moment passes, I swig another mouthful, and everything fades into nothingness.

I woke up on a black stained beach
In a country I wasn't sure of
The ocean appeared to me
More reckless than ever
With your body in it
Looking back at me

I somehow lost the pain
That was always inevitably connected to love
I found peace within you
And you helped me recreate it
Into faces with
Your unwavering blue eyes
And my uncontrolable lips

I could see the way you took my fear
And slowly replaced it with trust
And I could love again
Like it was always intended

The colour of love is Red.
It's thick like blood,
****, powerful, sinister.
Once you get it you need it to survive.

The colour of love is Blue.
It's like the sky,
Gentle, smooth, enlightening.
Wide, it can't be contained,
It only contains.

The colour of love is Purple.
It's like a bandaid,
Fun, mysterious, bold.
Covers and helps the healing process,
But hurts you when it is removed.

The colour of love is Green.
It's like a tree,
Free-spirited, fresh, youthful.
It gives life, food, norishment,
It only survives if you feed it.

The colour of love is Pink.
It's like a pair of high heal shoes,
Girly, happy, funny.
Elevating, increasing, aching,
Tall enough to be notice and to be ignored.

The colour of love is Yellow.
It's like the sun,
Bright, beaming, it stands out.
The bigger it is the more you see it,
And the closer you get the more you get burnt.

The colour of love is Orange.
It's like a good laugh,
Surprising, uncontrolable, ugly.
Once you start it's hard to stop.
It's addictive you yern for the feeling.

The colour of love is White and Black.
It's like ying and yang,
Needs to be balanced in order to exist.
Impossible to be live without and equally impossible to live with.
It's not a colour, can't be described.
                     ~Gabbriella with 2 b's~

Lost and confused..
Not a dream.
No relaxing thoughts.
Complete confusion..
Shadows dance and twirl.
Nothing making any sense..
No way there, no way back.
Wandering images.
Unread messages.
Dread and fear..
Uncontrolable silence..
Lost... Blind...

ac/04/17/05 revised 02/19/10/ac

Across oceans
Across moutains
Across islands
Flows like viper
Speed like lite
Thorns of pains
Deep down d heart

Compromising voices
Diverting hopeS
Ufailing memories
Uncontrolable tears
Beyond reach of man
He makes and own all
Unimaginable

It starts with a bubbling feeling
that fills then over flows
your cords start vibrating
your stomach knots and hurts
as you slap your knee
and threat urinating
toppled over in a joyous
social transaction
one that turns awkard to ease
and crippling pain into soulful healing
The greatest act to share with someone who cares
There's lots of magic in the little moments spent lost in uncontrolable laughter

It doesn't stop does it?
The falling.
If you never knew when it started.
Or never accepted it.
I guess then you wouldn't know when you'd hit the bottom

I don't know how to stop it
Reaching for his hand with all of me
But knowing there is too much of him
Or IT.
Whatever it, is.

Like watching a small child stumble and **** on their mothers arm.
But I can't be his mother
Lover.

And seeing the slow motion lurch open
in glorious high definition high spec
The tug on the tendons and thunk of sockets
ricochet and ripple uncontrolled.
So uncontrolable.

When did he trip?
Why can't I tell?
Or was the not telling the making as well?

I refuse to watch the rabbit hole swallow
If he goes down
I will always follow.

It's using the post / instead of sending an email / or loving to sleep / instead of loving a female

Don't mistake it for lazy / I want to be active / it's harder in life than / it seems to be in practice

It takes your energy / and it uses it as shots / to shoot your motivation / believe me it's hard

It's waking up early / to go back to sleep / so you can work up the nerve / to get up onto your feet

Imagine you slept for / an hour every day of / the week all you'd want / to be doing is sleep

You'd be emotionally / unstable and very / unsociable / with stress feeling uncontrolable

You're number one struggle/ would be the simplest of tasks/ what you do in a day / would be cut right in half

You want to be able  / to do that witch you should / at work or at school / or where ever you stood

But all you could think about / would be ending the pain / wishing someone understood / what flowed through your veins

You can't control your lack of love / or low energy / all you want is nothing to do / for all of today

When just waking up is giving / your very best n' / nobody understands / that's clinical depression

I could stare st myself
Endlessly
Never knowing who I am

This body
This mind

uncontrolable

Like the sea

Who am I
Who am I

Endless thoughts
Like the aquatic sea

Vague,strange and confusing.
You are the unparalleled  spirit of
The unborn crystal child.

Mesmeric as the soft drizzle of
Rain against the lilies,you are the coffee
Stain on pages of poetry.

A hot lacerating choking sensation
That completely engulfed your heart
As a lump of sobs you refused to loose.
In a paradise filled with nothing but  
Unrecoverable things.

It was astounding how you still look up
For the divine rebirth of the redolent blurred  fake memories.
With all these pack of desperation to find something
Made you smile , something claimed your rapaging soul.


When the sunset put his hat on with a half dozen stars were kissing the sky you soothed by the jingles of heaven's grief alluring lullaby.
Echoes of lyre's melodies brought the insomnia's starry vision of
Your elusory dream , those who barely wish for a drip of sweet hope back to sleep .
Receiving the thunderous quietness that shattered your tranquility.

"WAKE UP !" said the universe

It was there again...
Yes, a greedy hunger for the unknown pumping into your veins
Hither and thither had a sinlessness white,ravishing beauty and
unbearable lightness.

Unfortunately, for you it was just a suffocating shade of stagnation.
It was just you there as a reflection on the adornment unholy mirror.
You felt that one irresistible desire to observe a sad musing gaze filled the sharp abyss in your eyes.

Something calling you!

What incarcerated there was just a pure perfection
craved the vitality disturbance and the chaotic imperfection.
A glimpse of storm waited for its rage long enough with a fire's fading spark
Fighted to find anything burned for it.
But,Nothing was burning around , nothing just the nothingness.


A terrifying chill run through those unawakened emotions like a screaming
siren dragged those sloths feet into the hiding game .wondering if there
was any passing miracle could hold you before you catch up by the nonentity
As a comforting usurpation hard to capture , a missing destiny wandered out of
Your uncompleted written dairy. Eagerness swallow all of your sanity.

"when the restlessness keeps you yearning like a victim to thinking
While the lilac sky shed its tears watering all these pale tiny cherry
Flowers standing along the hill of immortality , there you will find an entity,
Who inflamed by obsession , the desire for addiction emitted as an
Anesthetic fragrant aching your lungs with uncontrolable breathing
Dive in the lovely warmth , just a stare will made you succumb and tumple down with
shivering knees . Now you could say
"good bye" to safe and souund

This is the den of passion.....

Let it tampr the fear inside your mind, playing with your
Sleepy creativity.
You had possessed ,he put a fever inside of you ,tearing up thought's monotony ,drown you with wave of curiousty till you feel these silkin butterflies
Fluttering in your chest .Bones ache , crazy heart's beats with huge
Smile dancing on your mouth , don't resist it ,welcome that unique
Pother ,racous and loudly deafening your surrounding.
Let him devours the angelic purity sulling you with sin's thrill
Enchanted by love's delirium.
Be a passion's lover

still the wires pass on the electrodes of warmth

the phone message sound that used to make my heart leap with an energy uncontrolable now someone else's exhillaration.

somewhere ovehead on the one freequency connected we keep our heart moves open for transmission

we deal with the thought of us, we live through our knowing of us, who we are and what we were born to do.

we keep on doing it apart as sure as its the same stars above in our eyes that keep us together in spirit.

and as we pass by on occasion the flood of relief drenches us as we look with one silent eye to eye transmitting a whole world of love

respect falls away passion takes over and before the damage is done in that one still moment lids fall,

pain takes over, this world of cruel understandings, has no place for us, thus we make our own in singular moments

and over the frequencies because a love like ours never dies and must be lived.

After struggling to accept my insomina, I realised that there was no point in forcing my sleep and so I just laid there in dark staring at the ceiling awaiting, my sleep.
As the seconds go by I submerge deeper and deeper into my thoughts 
Kinda like meditation, with scatted emtions and memories
Like seeds on an open field.
This rapid thinking eventually lead to a feeling of reminiscence
Envying the feeling of having a clear mind, wanting to have some sort of control over sufficating thoughts and emotions which contribute to my ever rising anxiety. Missing the uncontrolable yet comfortbale feeling of drowsiness that indicates that my sleep is near 
After going through a sea of emotions, I tire myself out and hear muffled sounds of birds chirping and dogs barking, signs of a new day arriving.
And that's when I start to lose control, slowly but surely. My mind is now at ease and I am at peace with my demons, my movements became timid my heavy eyes were shut. And "finally"
I whispered. I fell asleep.

Looking Up
A  Beautuful Ring  Of Mystery
Dark Cloudy Smoke with a
Blossoming  Interior

Calmly enjoying the Look
Startled.. Suddenly
Fire!!
High  Above the Ground
Nuclear Explosion
Except It Wasn't
Just  Below on the Hillside
Wall of Uncontrolable Fire
Moving  Quickly
I heard Myself Speaking on the Phone
Asking. Throwing the phone down, Running..
The Road Now Cut off
Car  Driving Quickly Quickly
Over  rocks and Sandy Sage
Uphill SideWays  Desperate
No Road. .. Running
Seeing
Like It was Frim A Chopper
First an Antelope, a Deer,  a Hund
Running
Looking
Running

They Saw Me
From Above
Shared On Facebook
LOST.....IT said

But They Found Me
Corralled  
Marked on a Map
A World Population Map:

Skills
Capabilities
Where Aboutd
Demeanor

Suddenly
I wondered
Are We Going To get Hit By An Asteroid?
Or Is THIS
A Giant Prison Camp
The Gulag
Of The  Next Tyranny

What Veil?
Hidden In A Consciousness
Already Known

Mapped  As An Animal
Protected As A Child
None An Accurate Portrayl
Or Was It
Just a Different Point of View

Vetted
For Extermination
On A Dying Planet
FOOD ORDER

Open eyes because despite their sleepiness, my tears and horrid flashbacks keep them open
My uncontrolable shaking hands because maybe if they shake enough I can shake the thought of us out of my head

M.S.B

so how did you spend last night?
- oh, you know, i stayed up
listening to music
with interludes of foxes making
noises...
       then for uncontrolable reasons
i wanted to achieve
  a transcendence via
arriving on the, plethora...
- how did you do that?
- as someone who enjoys pain...
i started to punch myself
in the head,
i figured: the amitriptyline
and paracetamol combo with
a liter of whiskey sometimes doesn't
work...
- how was it?
- i woke up... and...
         ****... it all started to fit
into a tuxedo-tight...
          i just had to know
the methods employed by young
western females
when inflicting self-harm...
- so?
- now i know,
   i can almost understand
the relief of inflicting pain on yourself,
akin to the burden of giving
birth, albeit...
  i'm confused...
   why not champion for
cesarean birth, rather than abortion?
hell, look at me,
male, a ***** strapped to an ego
inside a toy-thing of body...
- feelings?
- oh sure, even now,
i sense gravity working on my heart...
something south of the collar bone,
that "something"
  that's either over-rated
or under-rated...

point being: i know why i will
never write anything beside
verse:
   my weakness being:
   dialogues...
       unbalanced libra...
one side always dominating
the other side...
   like there's no "hypothetical"
scenario of a real-life event
of me visiting a brothel...
as for punching myself
in the head...
yeah...
            for someone who
enjoys pain
   like some cameo role
in a rammstein music video
akin to mein teil
my usual, melancholic,
morbid "european" self...

              i should have been born
in a time when the polish-lithuanian
commonwealth partition
was happening,
seeing what's to be seen
of england...

          doing the bidding
of the crucifix,
age old superstitions...
but all this modern scientific
sensibility,
         the snarky comments...
too much effort...
i write better when i do something
wrong...
  me? i can't entertain the sort
of thoughts crafted by an Einstein...
but i do know,
that the letter H... is only a surd
in translated hindi...
e.g. dhal
   (but you forgot the macron, a,
given that...
   you extend the breath
to compose daal, i.e. dhāl) -

well someone has to be pedantic,
it's not like i came from
a breeding stock,
with a generation prior to me
was ******* illiterate...

               code, no can do...
figure out a blank space in front of me?
sure...

          u'słuchać
   (which could also be written
without the scalpel apostrophe...
i.e. attached to the u
via                     úsłuchać) -

namely? buckling down...
before the internet filter algorithms
("paradox": rhythm)
      get on my ***,
i'll be long gone...
      trying to code in a filter
that appreciates
                    diacritical markers...

no... emotions are not over-rated...
they are merely over-stated...
when the heart chokes
the mind to usher out a tongue...
and the heart does choke...
but...
                      whatever is to be made
of the plethora is the whole
point...
              like religion...
privately...
          until the heart becomes
akin to that bird in the oxygen experiment
1768 (joseph wright of derby’s),
    
and requires the devil
to employ the hands to do more than
merely scratch one's head...
  fiddle, scribble...
  double consonants...
for the bounce-effect in a word...
            or a hooded extract:
double vowel, macron,
an extension...

           but i didn't "discover" the english
language to be barren
without diacritical markers...
it was without diacritical markers
to begin with...

        i know, the shame,
but of all the languages i've heard
with this print: label Latin?
the pollacks have been the most
consistent
         in the play of rubric
of the syllables...
                  that clarity...
unfathomable within english,
or french...
              the french?
they write one thing, speak another...
that's why i didn't learn it,
it was enough for my custard
fest of using english...

         belittle...
         lite...
                    eh... that iota...
(looking up, no halo)
   does it really require an 'ed?
i'm repeating myself
but... ιota...
   there... no levitating...

                   i still believe in the plethora...
given there's no
worth for the current
                         plateau / zeitgeist...

get thrown into the deep-end
of the pool
   and learn to swim -

    the blah blahs will come
    any **** worth the parade,
i'll stick to the claustrophobia
of the heart giving me prompt,
than the "unaware" claustrophobia
of regurgitated opinion
of the mind's joke of a juggling act.