"unbeating" poems
The heart that beats within me now
Was silent for a while:
Shouldering the guilt of years
And clothed in my denial.
And when, those blurry months ago,
It stirred to life again,
I tried to still my beating heart
The way it was back then.
I should have known, I should have seen
Through my soul's sad disguise;
But ev'ry time I saw the truth
I quickly closed my eyes.
The heartbeat in my shackled chest
Was loud, but I was louder.
Sticking fingers in my ears,
I hummed to quell the doubter.
"Your heart's alive! It beats again!
The fears you loved have faded."
But I felt safe behind the bars
My jailed heart had created.
So, silently, this gentle Trust
That I had never known
Came whisp'ring through to save my heart
Of flesh, and not of stone.
Trust wrapped its arms around me
And lifted up my soul
From depths of blue obscurity
And I gave up control.
I opened up my eyes that day
And though they shone with tears,
The hurting heart inside of me
Felt stronger than those fears.
Feb 4, 2017
Feb 4, 2017 at 7:02 PM UTC
The birds hang dead, paired, on the hook.
Male and female, man and wife, are strung
Up in a brace of everlasting love,
Still warm. But time will soon freeze over
Freshening blood, encrust the opened eye,
Congeal warmth. And what remains is this:
A neck-to-neck unbreaking dull embrace,
The love gone cold, unbeating hearts kept close,
Reciprocating wounds, an unforgiving stare,
The silence in a breathless, parching throat,
A half-bent wing, refusing to enfold -
Time will wear love’s fingers to the bone.
Then bullet-hardened bodies take their course
And undo softly with a rising rot.
Jan 14, 2011
Jan 14, 2011 at 7:20 AM UTC
An ember left to burn within
Without a thought to let you in
Years have passed and hearts worn thin
We still remember
Who knew passion would burn again
From that small ember
Out of sight and out of mind
The lives that we had left behind
Beat us down, were so unkind
Hearts left unbeating
Yet, now the sun begins to shine
With this chance meeting
Two hearts united with elation
With just a simple revelation
Words not mere communication
They wrap us warmly
Falling hard into temptation
Uniformly
There is no maybe, there is no doubt
There is no way to do without
How were we to figure out
We loved each other?
Time brings clarity about
For one another
A warm embrace leads straight to passion
No going slow, no need to ration
No betting chips, it's time to cash in
On the hand we're winning
We leap forward in eager fashion
To a new beginning
Jun 2, 2012
Jun 2, 2012 at 12:52 AM UTC
It's unfair
to me and to you
to everyone that has cared and was unaware
and to who had a dare
to loved me more
more then just a freind
I understand its unjust
but as you lean in close
my heart doesnt reach out
it dosnt speed up
when you hold me close
and so I flee
when you call me dear
understanding I beg you be
I'm still waiting to like you
as you start to love me
I'm sorry my heart doesn't beat
it never has and I fear it never will
The butterflys in my stomach
must be in their cocoons
my lungs must be in good condition
for I never have trouble breathing
and my heart must be dead
because I never feel it beating
Aug 10, 2018
Aug 10, 2018 at 10:03 PM UTC
Where do you go? When you're not here? Do you miss me? I do.
I miss the me that was without all that you are.
I miss the me before that moment when the earth stopped spinning at your hello.
I miss the me that believed in love and had not witnessed the irony of your beautiful scars.
I miss the me that didn't hurt, that rode the wave and let things be what they would.
I miss the me that never felt your touch, that never brought his lips to yours.
Now, I am consumed. Swirling within your grief at being taken, drowning within my grief at the sound of our boy's laughter.
Now I am lonely, my thoughts of you driving me further from the light and deeper into a melancholy orbit, where the only existence is within your unbeating heart.
I see you, all the time, a suggestion of the life I could have had, had the reaper played fairly, his attraction to your flame stronger than mine.
There is no regret here, I loved, deeply and without remorse, every inch of your being.
But today, I'll die a little. For you.
Jul 21, 2014
Jul 21, 2014 at 5:11 AM UTC
Lay my head to rest on the pillow of sleeplessness and nightmares, the painting of my life on the canvass of linen and tweed and fears. Hiding scars and screams that dream and leave me lonely still. Restless thoughts that carry over restless wandering lives lost, unbeating hearts frozen to unliving and unfeeling wills.
May 1, 2012
May 1, 2012 at 9:23 AM UTC
At dawn I stood upon the shore
Of pirates' gold and sailors' bells;
The silent waves to me did call -
A tragic tale the ocean tells:
Her love set sail by light of moon
And adieu bade he goodbye in tears.
She promised love, and he, return,
Raising sails flown four thousand years.
Into the moon, her love sailed on,
Both trapped in the hour of part.
At dark descent her soul was torn
By visions of unbeating hearts.
A trimster lapsed, Hermia returned;
Her crew moored with strangled cries -
For in tempests' wrath their captain downed;
To quiet depths evermore confined.
Her shattered soul, anchored with grief,
Witheld by curse of lovers' cares,
Stood still on high rocks at dusk,
Plunging down into despair.
Remember the hour their hearts froze,
Gripped by fear of Love's own berth;
In watery graves their souls abide,
Bound by Love's eternal curse.
- c.t.
Oct 6, 2015
Oct 6, 2015 at 7:00 AM UTC
real; the unscabbed scars on my knuckles and arms remind
me of rough trees and the grimy surface of soil stomped
on, you compare them to wildflowers but i know that this is
only because you are the type of person to enter a restaurant
with a sign that reads caution and order something anyway,
simply because you are too nice and hate to think of businesses
shutting down and of people failing, maybe this is why
you love me, i still have not figured it out yet
real; walking into school makes me feel like a deflated balloon
and everyone that says hello to me is blowing me up
again with methane i am slowly becoming too big to be tied
down with a ribbon called responsibility and fear,
the anxiety that enters my mind when i am forced to stand in
front of strangers with judgemental eyes and fake smiles
becomes mind numbingly painful and it makes me question
whether or not i am still alive. i still have not figured out
why i am yet.
real; your smile lights up the lights on the lamposts by the
train station where we met it transforms phantoms into people
paper planes into reality and nightmares into dreams
your touch leaves nothing but good intentions and blissful hope
and it leaves my cold unbeating heart yearning for warmth. i
still have not figured out if i like it or not.
not real; you love me. you kiss my wrist because you care
about me not what i went through. you love talking to me, you
wonder about how stars could ever die because you
think i am a walking sun. you keep your promises and tell me that
you care every night. i'm a good person. i have aspirations.
those pills on my bedside are not mine. the mirror is shaking.
i never meant to hurt myself. i'm sorry for all the things i've done.
i have potential to be better. i am beautiful.
*not real not real not ******* real*
(h.l.)
Dec 2, 2015
Dec 2, 2015 at 7:09 PM UTC
(A Sequel to The Corpses Have Hearts to Speak)
Let me start my tell-tale long,
Or should I say my paintings old
Of question marks scribbled
With some words mingling in my specter—
The unseen are the most visible things;
they exist for what we believe
what we fear,
and reasons we never die to seek;
they drench, torment
and foreshadow time
as we slowly unveil
the skin we dangle in;
Let us see inside our own first—
Using a fatal mirror we loaned
Do you know who you are?
Do you do what you do?
Do you love what you are
and what you love?
What is it, that you love?
Aye, after the long journey
Of fragranced fragments I knitted myself
I will recite what I have known of myself;
I am the irony of the fragile lies
I am the thought of every sordid heart
I am none yet I am whole;
don’t call me demon,
for I am not angel
But back to the realmity
Call it, darling, my story perhaps
Realm of reality—
Within the shades of the eternal fifth day;
In a room full of world
I find a young soul crouching,
Loved yet unloved—
Beautiful yet ruined and ******
Wrenching my unbeating
Blackdusted heart
So I say to my ethereal self;
I am no more—
Yet how can I feel
That she is full of life
Yet dead beneath?
Make it clear,
I desire life for twice
She is hellbound to death
She would torment life
For the smile of old grey death
Oh,
and I would abandon my last daydream dear
For ungrateful loves long ago;
Is life, so underrated?
Is life, not so precious?
Is life, stop—
Do life, just stay still without a change?
Is life, a constant darling named Constance?
Oh,
such joy it is to live
and laugh?
Oh,
such joy it is,
To see what my ethereal self
Can never grasp
Ever again
Of love,
separated between world
Self—Regret
And constance
Dec 26, 2014
Dec 26, 2014 at 9:47 AM UTC
I crept past those
who wander night streets,
I slink in the shadows of doorways, and
past the light of
3rd and 5th street lay
an unbeating boy-awaiting
so patiently- for what I’ve stolen.
I cradle my most precious prize
as it glows and glitters in
my eyes and
illuminates my disgruntled grin,
“At least I had it for a while…”
God, I’m sorry, but there’s something
I’ve stolen,
And with a prolonged sigh I
let it free for
it dejected me…
With a pleased grin he
tossed and turned, the
beating boy regained his treasure.
God, he no longer
beats for me.
Aug 5, 2012
Aug 5, 2012 at 1:05 AM UTC
I dream fitfully needing somebody
my heart is still left unbeating in the dark
I need to stir from this numbing hibernation
A spark to ignite some fire into this cold heart
Please, help me, out this silent slumber
I need to hear your voice, your touch, your kiss
to wake me and make my heart beat again
©ShawnaRenea
Apr 10, 2013
Apr 10, 2013 at 11:55 AM UTC
Stitched together, standing apart
Dead but living, unbeating heart
Dead blinking eyes, doors to the soul
Whose secrets They will never know.
Jun 4, 2012
Jun 4, 2012 at 4:18 PM UTC
I still wake up
in the middle of the night
from nightmare
after nightmare
of your unbeating heart,
and every time
that I wish I could speak
to the demons
that leave you breathless,
my sweating soul
sinks with gravity,
and fear sews shut
my lips.
Apr 17, 2014
Apr 17, 2014 at 1:14 AM UTC
Rotting in this wasteland,
Right where you painted me,
A picture perfect defacing,
Of burning kerosene!
Drop your lighter to the stone cold pebbles,
**** all of the spectral levels,
Wavering and never tame...
The only body I possess,
Desecrated by her majesty's insolence!
Her kingdom of soldiers,
Are forced to enlist!
The knighted sheep will fight!
The palace door's locked!
And why do you check the clock?
You know you'll never leave!
Her majesty is the ***** of living,
Yet she owns the only key!
The ******** behind you,
Captain your only ship!
Because of them you'll never know,
Your subjects fell to ****
Bite back your pity,
While you bite off your own tongue!
Let the riots burn your city,
While singing my dying song!
May you ******* die!
Let you burn and die you ****
And I will not be alone!
Doesn't matter when! Now and then!
Watching your heart turn to stone!
I'll let it go you you ******* end!
Her makes ties insolence kills the serpents dead!
I'm begging you end it!
End it!
Rise mup to your pennant!
The flag of the mighty will dawn over severance!
******* end it!
End it!
Rise up to your pennant!
The flag of those left to die,
Will fly for our solace again...
(End scream)
I'm begging you end it!
Just end it all now I repent it!
Will your dry pity allow?
I tried oh I tried!
I gave up and lied!
Her majesty shot through this unbeating heart of mine...
OH WHY?!
Why do I try?
I tried oh I tried, I gave up and lied!
Feel the bullets of sorrow pierce through this GOOD HEART OF MINE!!!
Feb 10, 2014
Feb 10, 2014 at 10:04 AM UTC
your frozen heart barely pumps slushied blood all the way to your blue fingertips
you hope for me to grab your hands and warm you even just for a second
your heart is a rock
abiotic and unbeating
just a cold weight in your chest to remind you of your lost humanity
maybe once you knew warmth
but now you don’t even shiver
you are so far gone
you treat me like ice to freeze me just as you’ve been
Oct 24, 2018
Oct 24, 2018 at 4:17 PM UTC
This heart left unbeating
Soul slowly depleting
The skies blood red
I feel like I am dead
Just walking among these streets
As every night my tears stain my sheets
This hole in my heart
Strip by strip I fall apart
Alone I was always alone
With my mother is my home
A title makes you nothing to me
Just people living free
Swirling now inside my head
You were better off dead
Atleast then I wouldn't feel so hurt
So hello, now goodbye
There's the door
Feb 20, 2013
Feb 20, 2013 at 7:10 PM UTC
I have fought ****** battles,
Thought of humans as my cattle.
Tasted of such delights,
Seen morbid and hellish sights.
But nothing in all my thousands of years,
Has ever brought me this close to tears.
Your beauty shines so bright,
It takes away my keen sight.
Your delicious smell calls me from far away,
Your makes me unbeating heart sway.
Please tell me that you will be mine,
Asking you should be the sign.
Your dark looks unnerve me
So badly see...
I've never met a man,
Who so easily can...
Bring me to my knees,
Want to forever please...
Undo years of pure hatred,
We have to be fated,
To walk this world for millions of years...
I'll shed limitless tears
Until I have you in my embrace,
Able to kiss your exotic face.
Share my world of gore,
I am so sure,
That with you I can be
What I use to see..
Tame and mild,
Surely not this wild.
I want you to teach me,
Help me be free.
Free from my darker demons,
Bloodthirsty Demons.
Nov 9, 2014
Nov 9, 2014 at 5:16 PM UTC