The heart that beats within me now
Was silent for a while:
Shouldering the guilt of years
And clothed in my denial.

And when, those blurry months ago,
It stirred to life again,
I tried to still my beating heart
The way it was back then.

I should have known, I should have seen
Through my soul's sad disguise;
But ev'ry time I saw the truth
I quickly closed my eyes.

The heartbeat in my shackled chest
Was loud, but I was louder.
Sticking fingers in my ears,
I hummed to quell the doubter.

"Your heart's alive! It beats again!
The fears you loved have faded."
But I felt safe behind the bars
My jailed heart had created.

So, silently, this gentle Trust
That I had never known
Came whisp'ring through to save my heart
Of flesh, and not of stone.

Trust wrapped its arms around me
And lifted up my soul
From depths of blue obscurity
And I gave up control.

I opened up my eyes that day
And though they shone with tears,
The hurting heart inside of me
Felt stronger than those fears.

It's unfair
to me and to you
to everyone that has cared and was unaware
and to who had a dare
to loved me more
more then just a freind
I understand its unjust
but as you lean in close
my heart doesnt reach out
it dosnt speed up
when you hold me close
and so I flee
when you call me dear
understanding I beg you be
I'm still waiting to like you
as you start to love me
I'm sorry my heart doesn't beat
it never has and I fear it never will
The butterflys in my stomach
must be in their cocoons
my lungs must be in good condition
for I never have trouble breathing
and my heart must be dead
because I never feel it beating

Authors Note- this is something I have never done and this may is just a one time thing, this is a poem I wrote about an anime but taking the persona of a character and writing in her point of view
(I put it in the point of view of Yuno Gasai from Mirai Nikki)

Deus ex machina
god of time and space
why do you ruin my life?
why create a game, survival, pain and strife?
the future is clear but just 10 minutes ahead
make a wrong move and you will end up dead.
what kind of god are you?
merciless and cruel.
watching us amused,
my mind just isn't right
you've made me so confused.
Blood drips from my dart, my ax, my knife,
this isn't what I wanted,
"A more exiting life".

My phone is part of my soul now
the dying defeated take their final bow.
creating the ultimate test
searching, killing all the rest.
First, Second, Third, all the way to twelve,
some going crazy, taking out themselves.

Two of us are left, the love of my life and I,
who is going to strike first?
which one of us will die?
I plunged the dagger deep to my heart
so Yukiteru can live
there's nothing more for me to say or do, I've managed as much as I can give.
final words leave my lips as my soul fades into black,
its ok Yuki, I'll find a way back.

I look at you and close my eyes, a tear runs down my face
thank you sweet death take me away, help me leave this forsaken place.
my body goes limp and you lay me gently on the floor
that one small open wound, it no longer feels sore.
it was always yours, right from the start,
my cold, unbeating, dead, loving heart.

you're god now, nothing can go wrong,
all you need to do for me is pretend to stay strong.
my death was painful but it was quick
like wind blowing out a dancing flaming candle, dousing the wick

blood and guts and brain and gore,
the worst is over, there is no more.
rain falls down and washes away all memories
I remember though as it starts to pour.
I'm gone now my dear, so far away,
I thought we'd meet in the sky but it seems there's no way.

too long I've been gone and its starting up again,
that game I lost, way back then.
you're slowly coming closer to your deathbed,
im not sure its true, but that's what murumuru said.
will we be together? can that dream come true?
or have we both moved on and there is no "me and you".

look love, there we are again,
I stabbed out my heart but on paper with a pen.
there is no real blood, only ink
that is where we met. that's the missing link.
if we'd have never met there would never be a game,
life would go on normally, life would be the same.
friends we could be, but for our future sake that's all,
I don't want to die again.
I must break the space-time wall.
I don't want you to see me fall anymore.
I don't want another dead end.
I don't want to see yours either.
but I cant help these feelings for you,
maybe its best to let fate run its course again in the cycle,
I'll regret it later but that's ok because I was meant to die,
and now the game begins again.

I hope you can forgive me for trapping us like this,
but you don't know anything about that now do you?
let it start for the eighty second time,
I'll keep us going forever.

maybe this will be the time when we can finally go see the stars together,
like I promised you so long ago.
like I promised you that last time I saw us for the first time.

The birds hang dead, paired, on the hook.
Male and female, man and wife, are strung
Up in a brace of everlasting love,
Still warm. But time will soon freeze over
Freshening blood, encrust the opened eye,
Congeal warmth. And what remains is this:
A neck-to-neck unbreaking dull embrace,
The love gone cold, unbeating hearts kept close,
Reciprocating wounds, an unforgiving stare,
The silence in a breathless, parching throat,
A half-bent wing, refusing to enfold -
Time will wear love’s fingers to the bone.

Then bullet-hardened bodies take their course
And undo softly with a rising rot.

Where do you go? When you're not here? Do you miss me? I do.

I miss the me that was without all that you are.
I miss the me before that moment when the earth stopped spinning at your hello.
I miss the me that believed in love and had not witnessed the irony of your beautiful scars.
I miss the me that didn't hurt, that rode the wave and let things be what they would.
I miss the me that never felt your touch, that never brought his lips to yours.

Now, I am consumed. Swirling within your grief at being taken, drowning within my grief at the sound of our boy's laughter.

Now I am lonely, my thoughts of you driving me further from the light and deeper into a melancholy orbit, where the only existence is within your unbeating heart.

I see you, all the time, a suggestion of the life I could have had, had the reaper played fairly, his attraction to your flame stronger than mine.

There is no regret here, I loved, deeply and without remorse, every inch of your being.

But today, I'll die a little. For you.

Lay my head to rest on the pillow of sleeplessness and nightmares, the painting of my life on the canvass of linen and tweed and fears. Hiding scars and screams that dream and leave me lonely still. Restless thoughts that carry over restless wandering lives lost, unbeating hearts frozen to unliving and unfeeling wills.

I crept past those
who wander night streets,
I slink in the shadows of doorways, and
past the light of
3rd and 5th street lay
an unbeating boy-awaiting
so patiently- for what I’ve stolen.

I cradle my most precious prize
as it glows and glitters in
my eyes and
illuminates my disgruntled grin,
“At least I had it for a while…”

God, I’m sorry, but there’s something
I’ve stolen,
And with a prolonged sigh I
let it free for
it dejected me…

With a pleased grin he
tossed and turned, the
beating boy regained his treasure.
God, he no longer
beats for me.

Stitched together, standing apart
Dead but living, unbeating heart
Dead blinking eyes, doors to the soul
Whose secrets They will never know.

I still wake up
in the middle of the night
from nightmare
after nightmare
of your unbeating heart,
and every time
that I wish I could speak
to the demons
that leave you breathless,
my sweating soul
sinks with gravity,
and fear sews shut
my lips.

Manuscript of an unbeating heart

I walk the same path everyday and pass an abandoned lot filled with dirt

I watch the yellow flowers grow each spring in the rubble of what once was a home to somebody

And i wonder how they continue to grow, how the petals continue to grow,  through the neglect

Untaken care of and beaten down, by earth itself, but fed by a soil that keeps its heart beating

Continuing to paint beautiful bright colors of yellow and green in a field of black. Surrounded by life unbeating, but pulsating louder than a battlefield of drums.

Rotting in this wasteland,
Right where you painted me,
A picture perfect defacing,
Of burning kerosene!

Drop your lighter to the stone cold pebbles,
**** all of the spectral levels,
Wavering and never tame...

The only body I possess,
Desecrated by her majesty's insolence!
Her kingdom of soldiers,
Are forced to enlist!
The knighted sheep will fight!
The palace door's locked!
And why do you check the clock?
You know you'll never leave!
Her majesty is the ***** of living,
Yet she owns the only key!

The ******* behind you,
Captain your only ship!
Because of them you'll never know,
Your subjects fell to ****!
Bite back your pity,
While you bite off your own tongue!
Let the riots burn your city,
While singing my dying song!
May you ******* die!
Let you burn and die you ****!

And I will not be alone!
Doesn't matter when! Now and then!
Watching your heart turn to stone!
I'll let it go you you ******* end!

Her makes ties insolence kills the serpents dead!

I'm begging you end it!
End it!
Rise mup to your pennant!
The flag of the mighty will dawn over severance!
******* end it!
End it!
Rise up to your pennant!
The flag of those left to die,
Will fly for our solace again...
(End scream)

I'm begging you end it!
Just end it all now I repent it!
Will your dry pity allow?
I tried oh I tried!
I gave up and lied!
Her majesty shot through this unbeating heart of mine...
OH WHY?!

Why do I try?
I tried oh I tried, I gave up and lied!
Feel the bullets of sorrow pierce through this GOOD HEART OF MINE!!!

From a distance I glimpse your brilliance
Surrounded by multiple characters yet you shine
Suppressed by your mistaken hidden beauty
Yet I can see through the strength in your eyes
You come across as mature even a little older
You have the hope of a child in disguise
Those steps you move make me determined
But I know I’ll never be worth your time
With every breath you take I draw closer
My unbeating heart senses I’ve lost my control
Your presence leaning forward as your smells wafts to me
You are a continuous mystery that I want to know
I feel protective as your imposturous guardian
So fragile you look sleeping against stone
Murmuring as your eyes flutter simple(meaningless?) little words
Something so simple that has made me whole.

your frozen heart barely pumps slushied blood all the way to your blue fingertips
you hope for me to grab your hands and warm you even just for a second
your heart is a rock
abiotic and unbeating
just a cold weight in your chest to remind you of your lost humanity
maybe once you knew warmth
but now you don’t even shiver
you are so far gone
you treat me like ice to freeze me just as you’ve been

I have fought ****** battles,
Thought of humans as my cattle.
Tasted of such delights,
Seen morbid and hellish sights.
But nothing in all my thousands of years,
Has ever brought me this close to tears.
Your beauty shines so bright,
It takes away my keen sight.
Your delicious smell calls me from far away,
Your makes me unbeating heart  sway.
Please tell me that you will be mine,
Asking you should be the sign.
Your dark looks unnerve me
So badly see...
I've never met a man,
Who so easily can...
Bring me to my knees,
Want to forever please...
Undo years of pure hatred,
We have to be fated,
To walk this world for millions of years...
I'll shed limitless tears
Until I have you in my embrace,
Able to kiss your exotic face.
Share my world of gore,
I am so sure,
That with you I can be
What I use to see..
Tame and mild,
Surely not this wild.
I want you to teach me,
Help me be free.
Free from my darker demons,
Bloodthirsty Demons.

I have changed, like you've changed.
In shadows and wrapped in lies.

This concrete heart, still estranged,
searches for stars in black skies.

I feel it deep, unbeating.
I've tried for it become alive.

Trying to stop the bleeding,
I've learned to cry,
I've learned to mourn,
for one day, this love to revive.

Your distant name, I can now hear.
In silence, without violence.
A fading smile that shows no fear.

The bright sun, embracing light.
Bringing hope, dispelling fright.
Letting old love come racing through.

Come starfire, wildfire..
Burn long enough to make pain stop.
I'm here but I can't apologize enough.

Now there's no more shadows, just further lies.
I still ask, who will come to rescue us?

Whoever arrives, I hope they take us to where we need to go.

It is six fifteen in the morning
when you call me,
worried that I'm not well.

I hold you in a little tired slice
of choke-glass blooming
in an smear-eyed hand -

I face you with all my blotches,
try to splint the break,
to be where you are.  

Maybe you're right -  
your love undoes me.
The hours are pauses, aches,

each more or less intolerable.
If my heart slumps away
one of these smoked spring nights,

an unbeating gore-stump,
carry me back to Dublin
& spread my ash-seed

in Iveagh Gardens,
where I carelessly left a dream
among the cane apple husks.

Drink whisky
& recite one of the hundreds
of poems I sent you

to the water-ruined statue
near the rose cage;
maybe someday you'll be curious,

and find the ones I never sent,
filled with sorrow's rennet,
sour-salted, reeking of rain,

retch-cairns
to the halved honeycomb-husk
it seemed like we were becoming.

So of course I both live and die
when your ****** chime
breaks my false, papery day:

I love you above all things,
even now, when you turn half away -  
I don't think you will turn back -

but are you really done here?
Are the white lilies really dead
in the bleachy vase?

This is not what I wanted -
the black wing, a door closing -  
I am living the wrong life.

O stately boughs, who’ve shed thine leafy fleece
Sunken canopy, laden upon Earth,
As craquelure glacier; glassy sheets, sinking firth
Ebbs to the dark sea floor alone, in peace.
Too ebbs the sky: azure, then gloom from east
And distant torches flood the sunlight’s dearth
Emblazoned night, pale glow on mountains inert
Snow sank softly, fluttering silent elegies

Winter pastoral, thou lyrics embossed!
Return thee to halcyon days I’ve lost
Circular is nature yet linear is life.
O, what sorrowful disquiet this strife!
To rise as dost sun or bloom in Spring’s start,
Is to belie death – his unbeating heart

for the day that i go
beyond the grave
please know
these words that i say:
i'm happy here
it's what i've always craved.
spaces to fill unseen
without meeting any stares.
no longer losing hope
or places to be
ending endless penance
for straying from god's will.

the fault lives with none
except with me,
who did nothing of use
but hurt everyone i see.
- - -
so when i leave you
within my wake
my departed soul
wants this for you to take:
this was my song
sung by swans
singing the words
of my deepest love
before i return again
but as a mourning dove.
remember now
my unbeating heart
rests finally full
in a world revealed
only to those who look.
- - -
go in grace
and live life freely
when you call my name
find me perched upon
the nearest tree
watching over lovingly
and being proud of you daily
from the moment you rise
and smell the air
to the close of dusk
as you go up the stairs

wherever you meet me
just as you are
i'll be happy to share
with you the moment
and show you i care.
- - -
yes i've left
before i'm old
but the bell waits for no one
and continues to toll

so i bid you adieu
and have given you the words
to know and to remember
you can find me among the birds.