Am I really here?
Is this really me?
Is there a real me?

I'm not so sure

For all I know there is no me,
I don't matter any more than a leaf
Falling from a tree in November
Twirling to the ground,
Whether or not anyone is around
To see it fall.

But of course I FEEL
Of course I MATTER to ME
Or at least somewhat

Will this ever come to an end
Will I ever be able to live,
Unafraid, unabashed?

Will there ever be a me worthy
Of unabashedness?

I've not only lost reality
I lost the taste of saltiness
the granular sand 'tween my toes feel
the rush of flesh
being peeled back open
sharing throes wetness kisses
unabashedness
track of tracks
where are they going
on into a distance I am stunted frozen
wide eyed  stunned
at the fastness it
happened