I opened up recently, and it feels
amazing.
This is the first time I can think of that I've turned to poetry out of happiness rather than anguish.
I just went back and read every poem I had ever written.
My conclusions were thus:
The thing that hurt me and caused me pain was never who I was, but rather the fear that people would see the real me.
Now, I have shown myself to all the important people, and life has gotten so much better.
I knew I couldn't be
closed
forever,
but I never expected openness to feel this good.
Jun 20, 2015
Jun 20, 2015 at 4:09 PM UTC
My sexuality isn't something you get to determine.
Nor something you get to judge me for.
Nor something you get to passive-aggressively hate on.
My sexuality is, however, something wonderful.
It is fluid.
It is something I am discovering uninhibitedly.
*There is no need to define it.*
Plus, trying to define it is what has caused
me untold anguish in the past anyway.
Jun 20, 2015
Jun 20, 2015 at 3:26 PM UTC
It's rather peculiar how quickly people open up to me, given how much I keep bottled inside myself.
Thoroughly torturing myself with contemplation, I try to break through the mental barrier of who I am daily.
Years of norms that are anything but inclusive or supporting keep me held back, confused and feeling alone.
Someday soon I will be me. Someday soon they will see me.
I will not be
closed
forever.
Feb 18, 2015
Feb 18, 2015 at 11:54 AM UTC
i like my body when it is with your
body. It is so quite new a thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
i like your body. i like what it does,
i like its hows. i like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones,and the trembling
-firm-smooth ness and which i will
again and again and again
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,
i like, slowly stroking the,shocking fuzz
of your electric furr,and what-is-it comes
over parting flesh….And eyes big love-crumbs,
and possibly i like the thrill
of under me you so quite new
Nov 3, 2014
Nov 3, 2014 at 9:41 PM UTC
I need
my faith in life restored,
to know I can go on.
I've discovered who I am,
but fear has kept it hidden.
How will they treat me?
What will they say?
And perhaps more importantly,
will I ever want to take it all back?
These questions and others plague me perpetually
Oct 16, 2014
Oct 16, 2014 at 9:51 PM UTC
It's okay, it's okay, it's okay.
Just keep saying it.
It is OKAY.
The world will not end,
and you probably won't fail anyway.
Even if you did, there is always a backup plan.
Barring a backup plan, the world will keep spinning.
and...
in the catastrophically unlikely event that
our little planet stops going 'round,
you will no longer be.
That's a comforting thought, really.
That if anything were that bad, we wouldn't have to endure it.
Oct 8, 2014
Oct 8, 2014 at 8:46 PM UTC
The world spins and rushes around us,
everyone with their own agenda.
At times I hunger for silence.
Then other times I question the nature of silence,
and whether it is silence I truly yearn for or not.
I come to realize it is not silence I want, but peace.
Some tranquility, some slowness.
Some public silence.
Sep 9, 2014
Sep 9, 2014 at 10:28 PM UTC
I can lay
right next to you
and never touch you
I can see you smile
from across the room
without kissing you
I can watch you
leave the room
and resist hugging you goodbye
But sometimes
when I'm next to you
you have to ask me to move away
Because for a few minutes
I let fantasy get confused with reality
and I lean against you during a movie
And it's so warm
your arm and mine, touching
for that minute I'm at peace
But when you ask
of course I make room
Because I don't want you to feel uncomfortable
And if you weren't my friend
I would probably try it
just once, to know what it would be like to kiss you
But ideally,
I'll get over this
and when I am, we'll still be friends
So in the meantime
I try not to think about kissing you
and I only hug you when I have reason to
What I'm saying is
I will do what I can
to keep myself sane and our friendship intact
But just know
that with every look I give
I wish I could give so much more.
Sep 8, 2014
Sep 8, 2014 at 10:12 PM UTC
Late at night is when I think
And try to I clear my head
I often stay awake all night
Just laying in my bed
As soon as I get comfy
Thoughts start racing in
I start to question everything
and regret my every sin
At first the thoughts are gentle
Like what will I do tomorrow
But as time crawls by; they escalate
Till I'm drowning in my sorrow
I think of all my failures
Every detail of what I did wrong
After hours of reliving pain
I convince myself I don't belong
I suddenly feel isolated
and like the silence will never end
I feel like I will never escape
There's too much I just can't mend
I feel overpowered and worthless
Like I'll never do anything right
I hide till the world fades away
And I'm awoken by the light
I realize a new day has come
It's time to put on a brave face
I put those negative thoughts away
Until I return to this place
Aug 6, 2014
Aug 6, 2014 at 12:43 AM UTC
Today I realized people are meant to share.
I'm not speaking of a physical sharing,
but rather a sharing rooted in caring.
You see today my friend needed me,
she had lost her job and had to vent.
Two and a half hours later,
after hearing all the woes life had gave her,
we both were happier than we'd been.
Conversation, collaboration, communion, and caring.
We aren't meant to tackle life alone.
Jul 19, 2014
Jul 19, 2014 at 2:55 AM UTC