The wind whipped around my face,
Blowing your hair into your eyes.
The corner of your mouth curved
Into a slight smile as I grasp your hand.
Lush pine trees bow down torwards us,
As if intensely interested
In how this single moment will happen.
I tenderly take hold of your hand,
Looking into your eyes.
The world dims around me
As my fingers are intertwined with yours.
I can feel the blood flowing in you
As the world slows down.

gravity has pulled its attraction
from under me

I feel myself drifting slightly
torwards the blue

I try to grab the thread you left behind
but I'm afraid it’s too thin
it won't hold me
or any of the memories of you
and I'm left with just that one

that only one

I imagine myself senseless bound by curiosity
of dispatch
and curiosity of prostitution in mind
I bring forth white flowers
perching saying acute names
powdered lies on your stagnant body
Your clothes are your skin
minus everything you are
**** in my small hands
I hold everything in the deeper side of you
I feel your childhood fear come out in my sighs
Ill breath everything out for you
from asphault my hunger torwards yourself grew

I confronted the insects
I bared my secrets
I spoke of my urge
and still hid so much away from me
in corners behind your eyes
my eyebrows searing
while staring up locked in intimate gaze
and sacred expressions that make me bend
in the late evenings

I am honored by your repulsive behaviour
to know I can have such an impact on your character
leaves me breathless
memories flood every *****

my blood feels thicker everytime a drop of you comes to my mind

my heart feels heavier

my eyes feel wetter

why do I feel posined by something so beautiful
why am I intoxicated and drunk of the thought of something so natural

do you wake up with glistening cheeks
like I do

no its not a dream
I understand that this is my reality
I always look back
watching as these thoughts retreat to everything I ever believed in

in everything I never believed in

no words escaped your lips when I slowly walked backwards torwards my sunless house
where only few flowers grow in its vast landscape
---
but I saw the look in your eyes

I
didnt know

exactly where to fall
or if I should have let myself fall at all

A shared cab toghther we grasp the nights end.
black stockings a well fitting suit hours have died torwards a blissful ending sidewalk's paint the
after thought as faces that  ghost's haunt other stories later I'll cast thoose stories towards paper.

Rearview glances traces memeories moved along silkend thigh.
In warmth  we cast aside a New york streets cold does this city sleep in time when even I seem worn?
Streets past my thoughts still will not erase a sense of no direction but a ending is always clear.

Above the lights apartment view downward we cast care topassion met in bed left as reackless
desire spinning yarns scattred across the floor.
A blizzrd outside seldom matches  the fire within.

Time makes us care and the effect never seems to last.
Goobye we set are eye's to a path we never seem to once again cross.
Iin bouban scented clothes tainted from the nights exploits washed clean in regert.

Maybe another night we will exist as starnger only to return to bed's now treated as tomb.
I cant imagine the direction through the door another shall fill the past's role.
Lovers and fools resemble each other all to often.

But what of the stranger who catches a nights tressure  from life's rear view.
A empty bar seats turned apon tables to sweep away dust like thoughts ive burried and broken glass.
Love like a match book is often burned up in passions and choices often given little thought.

A cab ride cross town takes such a diffrent view alone.
Maybe faces passed now can be given light.
through a srcambled haze the pen does embrace page.

Another night was the theme it's ending may never be the same.

To understand the edge is only to have crossed it at some point.
words like punches in some drunken brawl never lose there sting.

I spiral in directions and embrace every vacant streets view chasing all  lost cause but
never you.
Time has broken the clock set in stone was the nights moment i forever cast in a fools time.


                                           The end  till next time

You're the most confusing boy i've ever met. I can't decifer your feeling's torwards me or what is going on inside your awe inspiring mind. I dream about knowing you like the constellations of dots along my skin . I dream of pressing my lips against yours and pulling the air out of your lungs at lightning speed . You make my palms sweaty in the most amazing way. Now kiss me like your life depends on it.

all I truly care about at the moment
is curling up in your arms
speaking of my resentment and admiration
torwards your careless character
Im so abundant with nourishment and hatred
so filled with the emptiness of me and you

If I can so raise my voice
to were every soul would listen in praise
I would speak of nothing but my loneliness
hurl out and send words into the universe
of my collasal seclusion

my hair grows and with it months of solitude
I almost feel like I cant write anymore
like my words are meaningless
because you will never read them
I will never bare arms
I will never look in your direction
where will inspiartion come from

when your sitting in the park alone
the grass nestles and makes noises
damp from the rain earlier that day

the bench is dark brown
and I sit on it anyways
my pants get wet

I dont care

I stare at the sun
it stings my eyes
and I become further annoyed with myself
further annoyed with my day
and further annoyed with my life

the light makes me feel lonlier than ever
the sounds of the birds singing in harmony
make me feel hallow inside

the sounds of cars driving by

I hope you remember the days
I hope you remember the non exsistent apology you gave me

I will remember everything

I will dig into the deepest heap, where we left our subtle reminders
of fishing down by the desert
rose palm
long gone
and all in all
to bring up broken hands
the ones we wave with ,hello
a deep purple kind of yellow
treading torwards the light blue water
before I remember when it wasnt that light
the sun hits my eye's
slumber awakens those cries
that drip drop with my permanent happiness
somewhere
I'm unaware

Sister let us go
The clouds are slowly coming down
   She says: I hear that they are running from death.

I stand alone and alone

Only to wake up and realize im not alone

I awake to start a journey

Rather it be a short one or long

I dont know the outcome of each day

Only God does

I just know which ever way i travel

Its just a pathway torwards my home

And i realy open my eyes and realize Im not alone

If I could only drag you inside my mind to show you what my thougths have done, if you would only see how the seed that you planted in me grew day after day. All the storms it endured and all that it still has to go through. I have never felt so lost as I am now, I would love to keep trying but I see no interest in your eyes neither in your actions. Yet I have to live with this non-stop thinking, scenarios, memories. Normally I would go on but now I rather just hope you have a great life. This is probably my last goodbye to the emotions I have felt for you. If anything else it would be this. The common "prhase you are un-discribeable" this prhase to me is a lie. I can describe you to my hearts content in simple words. Days that ligth my day storms that keepd me lockd at nigth, winters cold that is my fears and hells fire that is my passion torwards you. How would i describe all that i love about you?  I would say... you're name.

As the light begins to fade
The Windows begin to shade
I watch our memories flash
Knowing they've already past
All I feel is ***** coming up with you as the after taste
My body too numb to remember what you did to me
It seems only at night
My darkest of fears shine right past my guard
I'm left with only dreams of you
To guide me through
Hate is what I'm supposed to feel for you
But sorrow is all I can manage torwards you

I can remember the first time
that I kissed
your soft and tender lips
I felt my heart skip a beat
reminiscing all times takes me back
to the place where I fell in love
laying in your arms
looking up torwards the heaven's above
Yeah Baby
I feel so blessed
Everyday thanking God
for the angel that he sent me
Your beauty and elegant
not to mention so ****
I'm expressing true feelings
how I feel inside
It's no secret anymore
tonight it's going world wide
chorus
I got to let them know
that I love you so
I will never let you go
To and Fro till the day
I grow old
You're my heart and soul

I've been kissed and i've been touched by a few boys but it shows how degraded this generation's idea of romance is that i have never been taken on a proper date , told that i matter for more than a pair of lips to drag the life from or hips to feel the weight of bones jut underneath the thin veil of skin , or felt my heart swell when they touched me at all .

  What is wrong with everyone that can not show the least bit of emotion torwards others other than to comment about the feel of my skin against there own. How sad a world we survive in .

On an imaginary pedestle

before imaginary crowds

I'm astounded that it's taken me so long

to learn to take the hard knocks

and not to cry out loud

and not to make excuses for my songs

but I'm sorry if my sanity

won't fit the mold you made for me

and my manifold iniquities

have exceeded your ability to forgive

Just let me live until I die

let me laugh until I cry

let me stop and ask you "why?"

then interrupt you in the middle of your answer

just an alcoholic dancer

stepping on your toes

I should learn to keep my mouth shut

I should learn keep the peace

I should learn to walk on water

and make the tempest cease

I should learn to be more considerate

torwards a world that's trying to sleep

maintane diplomatic apathy

with right wing fascist creeps

but I'm sorry if my psyche seems a little out of touch

and I'm sorry that I'm sorry that I apologize to much

just let me live until I die

let me laugh until I cry

let me stop and ask you "WHY?"

then interrupt you in the middle of your answer

just an alcoholic dancer

stepping on your toes

I tripped over a traffic speed bump
as I fell to the ground as I was walking
Such a fall felt like a mountain
when the vocal   fires of rebellion, toward me, started talking.
After caring ears failed to listen to my innocence
and then turned their backs torwards me
I started to build a wall.
As I was halfway through blocking out the world
I woke from this nightmare and listened to my heart
I smashed such bricks to pieces
and decided to make a fresher, and newer, start.
You are a link in the chains of my life.
What happens to me
It happens to you
So feel th winds of Karma return to you.
I shall still be waiting for you, standing.
As I am not a phony. I'm indebted to you friends to the very end.
When you are down with the mistake
The small one which I have made that you are now branding...
Feel like a puny fool as you walk back when you need me
and I am the one, only pone there...still standing

Isn't it sad how someone like you can make someone like me feel this way?
I shouldn't feel this way. I shouldn't be this way at all.     Thinking about you sickens me, but you're all I can think about. I want you out of my head. You ****** me up physically and mentally. I feel so many emotions, but two of them stick out the most, sadness and anger.
The effort you put torwards everything was lazy.
You made me feel worthless, yet I did absolutely  nothing wrong.
I'm so angry with myself, because I shouldn't have let you in nor should I miss you.

Suffering in silence, lacking compliance as I sit and wonder if I am going to be the father of a daughter or a little boy. If I will be able to watch my babies growth. With my luck, probably no. I have reached the end of my fall down the emotional stair case. "Am I falling into a distorted thinking trap", *Fallen into one already, I am trapped in my mind. Stuck inside a crushing hole, a deep grave in which I dug on my own. I stand on the outside of my mind, grieving at the grave of my lost mental state. Popping pills to stop my pent up paranoia, pulling out a pill bottle contemplating going ghost.

But no, I paint a smile across my face to push away any suspicion of my depression. Compressing the feeling of my contemplation torwards re-constructing my mental stability, but no. I cannot stabilize or regulate my self-hate, so instead I write it down knowing that nobody here knows who I am, just what I write.

*******... See nobody warns you, love is an addicting drug. Love is an addicting plug, Love causes more people a day to decide to pull the plug on their life. They choose to lie, they choose to die and commit suicide. But really, not me. I cannot loose what is mine. I cannot leave my siblings behind anymore, I will not end my life for just any *****.

I can't lie it was fun but I'm glad to finally say good bye.
Trapped in your web day in and day out, I don't know how I thought that was fly.
In a trance I danced to the beat of your drum.
Spent countless hours chasing you until the night submitted to the sun. The feeling you gave me was undeniable, only to you was I pliable. Spending all my time with a companion I would've never thought to be viable.
Internally racing but facing a feeling I'd never known better.
You flowed through my veins and hugged me daily like words cling on to letters.
The city was ours you was my main thing.
Everything I owned had a price tag if I needed to feel you sing.
My interracial love interest so white, soft and so pure.
What the hell was I thinking falling so hard for your lure.
You used me and played me.
Into something I wasn't I turned.
I thank God for his graces catching me because I would've never learned.
No regrets or bitterness torwards you the relief I feel won't allow me to cry. I'm just grateful for my broken leash and a chance to finally say goodbye!

Lost in space

Unseen by many

He puts on his “mask of gold”

People fail to visit this “stranger”

He remains an ingma of soul

Left frozen in lonely snows -so cold.

Remains the frozen sculpture

Who once was a warm and bright man

Neglect and failure of communications

Has scarred him uncertainty of how to regain interaction.

“Houston…we have a problem”

Rocket man outstayed his welcome

On the moon.

An astronaut pushing himself to the limits.

He would ask the aliens. He needs directions back to Earth, soon.

As his supplies have ran out.

However, he never got to learn the neighbors language.

“Houston…”

Static has been his answer

As the Earth lost interest to contact

To see his trip home carried out.

“Mission Star Construct”

Was cheered when his mission was about to start.

Fresh and new.

All of the public wanted a blast off view.

Having to his own answers..will Star Buck

Survive?

The fall is his failure of hope’s light

The strength was knowing people would want him back.

How shall he know where to blast off and drive?

Conflict is the metorstorm

The questionable reasons

As to why Ground Control Lost Contact.

Was he merely a relic

Which undesired legends must

Drive with no light, crash or burn,

Or simply blast back torwards the earth

In a gambling style Yearn?