"timidly" poems
Went to my magwinya lady today,
she's contained at the canteens on north campus,
As she rose up her left eye was bluish ****** grey,
A lump in my throat formed not as big as the one on her face,
my eyes secreted their salty solution,
my mind quickly processed confusion,
"M-m-m-m-may i-i-i p-p-lease have five magwinyas"
She smirked at my muttered utterance as she began to fill the thin transparent plastic with the oily flour-filled *****
I reluctantly asked "What happened to your eye?"
She responded in Xhosa reasonably assuming my common cocoa coating meant our tongues matched until I told her otherwise.
Eventually she simply said, "Fight".
I said, "you got in to a fight?"
She said "Mmm".
I went over to my banana lady and said the magwinya lady has a black eye and she casually claimed, "Her boyfriend beat her yesterday."
Confirming what my teary eyes and lumpy throat knew to be true when I saw my sweet magwinya lady with a swollen eye ****** grey and blue.
Frustrated at the nothing I could do.
Powerlessly pirched on a brown bench as the black sparrows chirped pleading for a piece of my last magwinya,
Should I tell her to escape?
Is that even my place?
How many black eyes are blotched on this bruised land i, a fearful foreigner, trace?
I'll bury my brain in my book,
somewhat cowardly crook,
I'll see what i saw but take no second look,
like a camel's head in the sand,
I'll timidly tell myself these things are just too hard to understand.
Nov 3, 2021
Nov 3, 2021 at 6:43 AM UTC
Your suffering is always greater than mine,
you claim your fears are bigger.
Whine your feelings are better than mine,
insist my feelings are simpler.
Try to laugh my feats away like a joke,
but my will is more forward than yours.
Now don’t expect any warmth from me,
my spirit won’t be ignored.
You think you can quiet my defiance?
But I'm used to standing alone.
Your ego trips never get old
they only harden my resolve.
So you timidly try and silence me,
then make excuses to escape.
‘Cause your wits won't handle me long,
I’m the one you can’t sedate.
Sep 18, 2017
Sep 18, 2017 at 9:54 PM UTC
Pain is inevitable,
Suffering is optional.
The crossroads of success,
Is always constructional.
If we could become tress,
Solid and stoic, deep rooted
In Mother Earth's flesh;
We could stand firm
Through the tempest, unswayed.
But we are only humans.
Covered in darkness.
Hiding behind our fears,
Timidly withdrawing from
The ominous tempest.
So, embrace the fury,
The daunting gales that
Once were scary.
After all, you can't
Stop the waves,
But you can learn to surf.
And even if you sank,
Deeper into the void,
At least you'll drown
Knowing there was
Beauty In The Struggle.
Nov 11, 2019
Nov 11, 2019 at 10:42 AM UTC
I am a child in your eyes,
ever since I told you I sleep with my stuffed animals (mostly to keep me company).
I am a child in your eyes,
ever since you saw me bare-faced & naked (I don't like clothes).
I am a child in your eyes,
ever since you touched me in places even God Almighty wouldn't dare to look at.
I am a child in your eyes,
ever since I sang with the birds and played in the mud, losing my voice and getting my dainty dress and Mary Jane's as ***** as I can.
I am a child in your eyes,
ever since I asked you, timidly, if I could sleep with you because I was afraid of the monsters in my closet and the monsters in the walls.
I am a child in your eyes,
even if I am not a child, even if I am not your child.
I am a child in your eyes,
and you, the real monster, use that against me, especially when the town is asleep and the moon is hidden and my teddy bear is missing and I scream, "No, please, not tonight."
Jul 9, 2016
Jul 9, 2016 at 2:14 PM UTC
I could have known you
But I wasn't myself
A book far from view
To be left on its shelf
Forgotten memories
Of what could have been had
Out of place reveries
No more dreaming to add
I don't know who you are
But I tried to learn
Afraid to go too far
In the distance I burn
Out of nowhere and back again
Another friend lost
Let's meet nobody then
Make sure no one is crossed
We are the same
Just as everyone else
We keep things tame
Lest we fall as ice melts
And drown in the expanse
Of the void between souls
Timidly yearn to dance
With our own kinds of fools
Nov 4, 2023
Nov 4, 2023 at 9:34 AM UTC
Asleep alone
I got the light scare
Of a nightmare
With my plight there
Which wouldn't fight fair
Awake awaits
Chirping is all I hear
Dragging life into focus
Getting the lens clear
To see things are hopeless
My aches and pains
Are my body's refrain
To remind me of existence
Despite my mental resistance
I am lucid
I take my shoelace
And loop it
To run a new race
Timidly trembling
The violence in my dreams
Matches the silence and screams
That defile us and our team
Making the nightmares real
And the pain I can feel
So it's love I steal
A devil's deal
Hell unsealed
I can hear the vultures chirping
Or maybe they're just burping
Out the demons I ignored
My forgiveness they implored
To meet a silent scorn
Like a muted tribal horn
Banishing them to another realm
With my ostracism at the helm
Until the lonely are overwhelmed
And I see the error of my ways
Once I'm part of this chaotic haze
Practically paralyzed
I am lost
In this game
I've met the boss
He and I the same
He is a voice
Chirping in my ear
Saying I have no choice
I should give in to fear
And just drink beer
Until the end is here
Carelessly comatose
The birds that once sang beautifully
Now retreat dutifully
When they see my thoughtless anger
Turn me into a ruthless stranger
Creating danger
For those living righteously
They start fighting me
Trying to enlighten me
Which is only exciting me
Because I lack the sight to see
What the world could be
If we could harmonize
Like the birds
Not using argent lies
But soothing words
Yet there is no tax exemption
For my reluctant redemption
So my mind invented
No incentive
Soul slaughtered
The tear jerking
Birds chirping
Constantly remind me
Inside my sleep they find me
Thrusting me into a life unwinding
Through my window the sun is blinding
When I start to fear my brother
After seeing mirrors in others
Reflecting my attitude
Of ingratitude
I had a nasty nightmare
Of Camp Crystal Lake
Filled with misfit flakes
Paying for their mistakes
With pain and suffering
As deep as a submarine
Being torn apart
For every decision
Hiding their heart
To avoid incisions
And once all these losers are slain
The birds chirping start a new day
Jun 29, 2018
Jun 29, 2018 at 4:14 AM UTC
You cannot fathom the dizzying elation I felt when your lips touched mine, brief though it was, drunk though I was
Instantly sober, the electric shock
Sizzled
Light in my chest
Whispered "Did that happen?"
Breathe into my mouth, and I into yours
As you test, taste, tenderly
Tenderly, oh yes, hands slide up through your hair to cradle your skull
Gently, gently pulling back, my lips dance across your dancing pulse
Restraining myself, you are innocent
Teeth nip, your breath catching in my ear
You clutch me, unsure
Do what you like
Take the lead, explore
Or follow me, and do as I do
You know this dance, at least the steps
Hips moving, searching
At least the ache is similar
Similar but new, racing faster through your body
A moment of uncertainty, and I take your mouth to mine again
Lay your hand upon my heart, calm now love
Timidly, heart becomes breast
Beneath your palm
Explore away, love, not so different, yes?
Fingers roam, new planes and rises to discover
I inhale your scent, that is so very you
Dizzy
Would it help, to have a more familiar partner?
"I know this song, these steps"
He is waiting in the wings, if your desire is balance, old to new
Or do you favor a private instruction?
One-two-three...
Find the rhythm, the beat is there, under your skin
Glide upon it, upon me, into me, under me
Palm to palm, lip to lip, hip to hip
Listen to your breathing, revel in the new sound
Bodies roll, pleasures roll
Keep in time, savor it, love
Sensations swell, crescendo
Tempo in your veins slows as the music fades...
Shall we dance?
Nov 12, 2012
Nov 12, 2012 at 4:23 PM UTC
I sat there with friends
admiring cute couples
wishing that could be me
and in barely a minute
I feel a tap on my shoulder
I wonder who it could be?
I realized it was a boy
with a bright yellow sweater
how did he know, that that was my favorite color?
he said
I saw you from across the room
and wanted to say that you are really pretty
I thought my ears were lying
I was so shy
I didn’t even want to look him in the eye
thank you
I said so timidly
it felt like a dream
he started throwing off some cheesy pickup lines
I thought they were adorable
and he seemed so confident
he had major guts
for doing what he did
and I will always remember the day
that he and his heart
came <3
Mar 10, 2014
Mar 10, 2014 at 8:15 AM UTC
I see her there
A dark look in her eye
Smirking at me
Inviting "give it a try"..
My Shadow dares me
Into the ring
Smuggly she grins
Thinks I've nothin to bring..
"You know ur smoked!"
She gleefully taunts
"You wanna spar with me?
I'm fueled by your wants!"
I shuffle my feet
Timidly taking my stance
The first round, a blood bath
That b@tch kicked my A$$
Bruised and beat down
My trainer now pleads
Where is your fight girl?
Ya think I brought you to bleed?!
"But she's mean!" I sob..
As I spit out a tooth
"She breaks every rule!"
"So resentful and uncooth!"
Even still she is
A true part of you
Learn to dance in this ring
Or you, she will rule..
Now I stand with conviction
To face my brutal self
She may take her pound of flesh
But none will leave til its dealt..
We are not so separate
One good, and one bad
We move with congruence
Our conversation now had..
I dodge and I weave
As I feel her wear out
I take a few blows
But I leave her no doubt..
I am in this ring
Til our dealings be done
She may beat me down
But our pieces are one.
Mar 24, 2013
Mar 24, 2013 at 10:22 PM UTC
You’re frightened but, there is no need for fear.
Your eyes are barely open.
Your vision is blurred beneath your thickened lashes.
Blinded, you are.
Hazed, you are.
Sick, you are.
Lying on the minted tile floor,
back arched and your cheek pressed to a faded rug,
you roll on your side.
Tilting your head up, you moan.
The vicious pulse begins pounding your wounded head.
You roll again on your shrunken stomach,
bubbling over with an ocean of alcohol.
You drag your eyes up to the piercing light above you.
Adjusting yourself slowly,
your hands fumble for the floor beneath you.
The muscles in your arm strain as you push yourself to sit.
No strength.
The stained bathtub provides something stable to grasp.
Smeared makeup.
Hair stuck to your hollow face.
Memories scattering in the wind outside.
More pounding, but this time it isn’t in your head.
It’s booming outside the door.
Screaming and movement is caving in on you,
suffocating you.
Who’s outside?
What’s outside?
"It's okay”, he says “You’re fine now.”
You turn and stare.
How long has he been here?
He’s been watching you the entire time.
He knows something.
He’s done something to you.
That’s why your in this frightening room below the ground.
He stands and walks towards you.
You must stay strong.
Don’t flinch.
No weakness.
A gentle arm glides just under your leg
and the other behind your waist.
He lifts you up and a small whimper escapes your lips.
There’s pain.
He carries you into a familiar room through another door.
The pounding from outside grows softer.
Shoulders relax.
Forehead cools.
Sleepiness comes.
He sits on the bed with you in his lap.
Suddenly your alertness fades and you feel comforted.
“How much did you drink?” He asks timidly.
You lean your head back.
Funny.
“Just a little”,
your words slur from your swollen tongue.
You start to giggle.
Arms begin to sweat.
Stomach tightens.
Puke.
Tears.
Hushed.
“Shh now. You’re fine. It’s alright. Breathe. Breathe.”, He coo's
and slowly strokes your spine.
Tensions released.
He stands and walks to the door.
“No! Come back!”, You cry.
He’s leaving.
Why?
You reach your hand out,
like a child,
but draw it back quickly.
“Haven’t I always come back? This time is no different.”
Only a second passes and you’re out.
Not all the way.
Eyes closed.
A window opens.
The fan goes on.
A blanket covers you.
He’s there.
Jun 4, 2012
Jun 4, 2012 at 9:15 PM UTC
it started as a polite knock
tap tap tap
always three times
my heart asked timidly to leave my body
tap tap tapped
on my ribs
always in three
my heart has ocd you see
soon my heart progressed
thud thud thud
always three times
my heart started raising its voice
thud thud thudding
on my ribs
always in three
my heart has ocd you see
then my heart was angry
wham wham wham
my heart pounded in my chest
wham wham whamming
on my ribs
always in three
my heart has ocd you see
Jan 26, 2016
Jan 26, 2016 at 9:59 PM UTC
Law, say the gardeners, is the sun,
Law is the one
All gardeners obey
To-morrow, yesterday, to-day.
Law is the wisdom of the old,
The impotent grandfathers feebly scold;
The grandchildren put out a treble tongue,
Law is the senses of the young.
Law, says the priest with a priestly look,
Expounding to an unpriestly people,
Law is the words in my priestly book,
Law is my pulpit and my steeple.
Law, says the judge as he looks down his nose,
Speaking clearly and most severely,
Law is as I've told you before,
Law is as you know I suppose,
Law is but let me explain it once more,
Law is The Law.
Yet law-abiding scholars write:
Law is neither wrong nor right,
Law is only crimes
Punished by places and by times,
Law is the clothes men wear
Anytime, anywhere,
Law is Good morning and Good night.
Others say, Law is our Fate;
Others say, Law is our State;
Others say, others say
Law is no more,
Law has gone away.
And always the loud angry crowd,
Very angry and very loud,
Law is We,
And always the soft idiot softly Me.
If we, dear, know we know no more
Than they about the Law,
If I no more than you
Know what we should and should not do
Except that all agree
Gladly or miserably
That the Law is
And that all know this
If therefore thinking it absurd
To identify Law with some other word,
Unlike so many men
I cannot say Law is again,
No more than they can we suppress
The universal wish to guess
Or slip out of our own position
Into an unconcerned condition.
Although I can at least confine
Your vanity and mine
To stating timidly
A timid similarity,
We shall boast anyway:
Like love I say.
Like love we don't know where or why,
Like love we can't compel or fly,
Like love we often weep,
Like love we seldom keep.
4k
The frustration
Do these feelings only flow through ink?
Oh what a bursting soul
that devours its own love
inside such a collapsing frame
That desire for touch, the affection that transcends
the droning life of our spinning globe
So insatiable; so confused
Those lips were always a different being than the others
Your path to interject into my timidly drifting course
It burned the maps ever drawn up
The only route from here on was ultimately to the conjured fantasy
of a glorious victory for your love
How idiotic; why is it you?
I, such a wandering pawn in our time's game
to see a magical land in your eyes
Sep 12, 2014
Sep 12, 2014 at 4:49 PM UTC
Gods arise and i hide behind the sun
What could a soul like me do in the presence of divinity?
Eyes of gold cut toward me
And i know the message they hold
But i, the coward, simply look away into the flames
Its fitting here, lying on the sun
I pretend my agony is from the flames
Even though a soul has no physical body
Yearning has scarred me like glimpses of the moon
And i remember life in solitude
****** hits like sinking deeper into the sun
I look past the sky into the heavens above
Clouded by a lazy orange haze
I watch the gods weep to make rain
Sorrowful existence with no real meaning
A star burns in the distance
I pull fire over me as if i could feel the heat
Like comfort could ever come to me
And when a god sends way for me
They lift me from the flames like a leaf on water
Like a shell from the sea
They mold me a body and toss me away to the earth
Says ‘come back to me, my child, when you can feel bliss’
And i grow up desperate for love
Desperate to feel pleasure in the midst of pain
Learn a thing or two about happiness
And false hope of a single god
Wander the earth and revel in its beauty
Scar the skin they so gracefully gave me
And when i have lived as much as i can
I become cowardly again
I see their face in my dreams
I get old yet stay the same
Die in my sleep one day
My soul rests on the sun again
And they come to greet me
Says ‘did you learn what you could be’
Hugs my scarred body
As i nod timidly
I learned of pleasure
I learned of love
I learned to feel
At home in the heavens above
May 10, 2022
May 10, 2022 at 9:17 AM UTC
if you have the choice
*(you always have the choice in every ******* second)*
to be vulnerable or to be guarded,
choose vulnerability
because it’s honest
it’s clear, it’s concise, it’s the realest thing you’ll ever feel.
lying and reminding yourself to keep lying,
smiling and reminding yourself to keep smiling,
crying and reminding yourself to stop crying
can be such hard work
and honesty, even when throat throttling blatant,
even when timidly tender,
even when sharply studded, or sickly injured,
will always save you in the end
even if it hurts like dry ice whistling on your heart,
even if the person you love chooses to depart,
even if the pit in your stomach is knotting, or rotting
and you feel hopeless, worthless, foolish, guilty,
horrid, evil, mixed up or unhealthy -
honesty
will always save you in the end
Sep 19, 2012
Sep 19, 2012 at 2:22 AM UTC
I berated her
But she was stronger than me
I put pressure on her
But she was always magnificent
I judged her harshly
But she was always right
I tried to control her
But we both wanted freedom
I made her weep
But she made me see
I kept her locked away
But she survives
I tried to quiet her
But she sang, she danced
I asked her to take the lead
She said there's none to take
I mistrusted her
She waited patiently
I wore my checkered suit
She wore nothing but jewels
I spoke to her timidly
And she answered eagerly
I invited her in
And we arrived.
Feb 28, 2021
Feb 28, 2021 at 5:32 AM UTC
To M.
See, I should have kissed you.
I should have kissed you when I had the chance to. Should have pulled you closer, stood on my tiptoes, my hand tightly clutching your neck, and kissed you full on the mouth. Should have run my fingers through your spiky hair, smiling as your arms closed around me.
I should have found you, the taste of tiramisu still on my lips, and I should have kissed you, giving you a taste of the happiness in a box that you'd handed me so timidly.
Your voice still rings loud and clear in my head, I hear it when I read your messages, that distinctive accent, eyebrows raised, cheekbones moving. And that smile, so sly and cunning, your lips slightly upturned. I should have kissed those lips when I had the chance to do so. Then and there, among tears and sporadic, almost desperate hugs, I should have kissed you. When you held on to me for just a little longer, your hug tight, your hands running along my back, I should have traced your lips with mine. I should have sealed that promise with a kiss.
"You never see a person only once in a lifetime," you whispered in my ear, your breath tickling me. "That's a promise," I choked on tears, "You hear me, it's a promise."
I should have kissed you; instead, I hugged you once again as you held me tightly and rubbed my back. I should have just reached out. Fate or whatever mystical force there is ******* us up pretty badly. If only I'd met you earlier. If only I'd known you before I got mixed up with the wrong person. I wish we'd had more time. I wish I'd done a lot of things differently. My heart drops in my stomach every time you say you miss me. Your voice will fade away. I won't be able to conjure up your face without looking at pictures, and all your familiar features will be blurred by time and memory. The ephemeral imprint of your skin against mine will soon be gone forever. My heart will grow cold.
The taste of tiramisu will linger, though. Always in the back of my mind, the unanswered question of what it would be like to taste it from your lips. Have tiramisu some time. I hope it tastes like me. You never see a person only once in a lifetime, but perhaps you only have one chance to kiss.
I should have kissed you.
Jul 19, 2015
Jul 19, 2015 at 7:22 AM UTC
Indirectly,
Timidly, yet
Clearly
Making plans and
Testing waters.
Aug 11, 2016
Aug 11, 2016 at 1:47 PM UTC
I went to the dentist -
reluctantly, definitely -
and I closed my eyes and
I felt metal against my teeth
as the dentist probed my mouth
and then I heard his words:
*"Oh what a deep cavity...
Deep cavity...
Deep cavity"*
And I said timidly:
*"Come on, doctor...you needn't repeat
those words - I'm frightened enough
just coming here"*
"I wasn't repeating,"
said the dentist
precise in his words
"Those were echoes you heard"
Oct 13, 2014
Oct 13, 2014 at 4:23 PM UTC
concrete shades the yellow-lighted symphony.
The peso-heavy take taxis;
security valets motors steaming castle gates.
I ask, which way is the 158?
Indifferent, they say, walk straight neath the freeway —
there is a bus stop two blocks away.
****
****
****
Clocktower hands transpose Cindarella-brick
to embers of electricity,
a factory aside scrawled graffiti;
fingers timidly ricket pitchfork fences.
Palermo is 11 km north.
Where is the north star?
I look straight ahead, repeating what
the travel blogs said like,
Be lost, don’t look lost;
flappy plastic maps scream vulnerability.
Be lost, not rich;
iPhones in gotham alleys are batman signals.
Walk fast.
Don’t pay attention to the eyes that pass.
Careless ponytails and brass hair attract
glances back.
Two blocks deep into the homeless shelter
beneath freeways, blankets
in shopping carts toppled over,
cars screaming away the symphony
into shadowed silence between heels striking.
Tunnel breath emerging on the other side,
gasping past stacked Jenga towers,
wired with antennas and empty clotheslines;
families and crack ****** sleep inside.
Safety’s herd thins as couples dart left down
cobblestone tributaries
that either lead to bus stops or parked cars.
I walk straight ahead with
sleeve-covered hands that swing like sticks
in the wind.
The symphony turns to
heartbeats and footsteps
plucking quickly;
fearing the 180 behind,
to zombies with sunken eyes,
thirsty for a thirty-cent high.
Sep 5, 2014
Sep 5, 2014 at 8:45 PM UTC
delicately, our dragonfly conversations
dance in Japanese gardens,
where jewelled concrete pagoda’s
stand stilted, like
timeless geometries, in greening water
then wind rustles timidly through
creek beds and pebbled leaves;
bells ring like wine glasses at a dinner table
and we feel our arm hairs stand on tiptoes,
pricked up to weary voices
(chanting monks, those that sit in circles
monkishly chant, in unison
“there are three meanings of loneliness”)
here, chanting also, we
find ourselves again not alone
enchanted in the fragmented daylight.
but then again, I turn, apathetically, and declare
“let us rest
in the immense imagery of our imagination
for it is easier to sleep,
as rain creeps closer to our doorstep,
than to ***** barricades, levies
and trenches around our house”
Oh, but the way the light reflects upon the Japanese trees
is so splendidly delicate,
and our delicate conversations
feel all so perfect…
so now please, time, lose me
in your whisper.
Jan 28, 2013
Jan 28, 2013 at 3:28 AM UTC
the guitar is shaking
while it delivers a mellow sound
her voice is sweeter than the night before
"how'd ya make it so vulnerable?"
he asks timidly
"it's just the feeling"
maybe it's the guitar, I thought to myself
after she stopped singing
I bought her a drink
gave her a kiss
and call it a day for her
we went to sleep like the first time
we just stared at each other's eyes
listening to the night
sometimes I wish we could go back
Jun 25, 2016
Jun 25, 2016 at 2:35 PM UTC
Tiptoe timidly,
oh my tongue.
Speak not the words
That toe on your tip.
Swallow the surplus,
you swift little thing,
And mind that these slivers
Are given to slip.
Forget your fidgeting,
Fingers of mine.
Flee from the keystrokes
You’re fighting to flip.
Quiet your queries,
Your qualms, and questions.
Kith care not for clinging,
Nor for your quips.
Sep 18, 2012
Sep 18, 2012 at 4:23 AM UTC