"tearstains" poems
Tearstains unlock doors
You reach out in darkness and
Ask for me to come inside
We sit in the space in your soul for
Hours pouring out our hearts
Until the light peeks through the
Crack under the door
Stepping out you dance away
Into daybreak without farewell
Leaving me in an empty shell
My poured out heart is
A puddle on the floor that
You didn't embrace the way I did
I might see you again
When it gets dark
And you recall
Just how miserable
Seclusion is
Welcome back
I've been lonely
Jul 15, 2014
Jul 15, 2014 at 11:31 AM UTC
Shouting a hello to a dark and empty room,
Hearing my cry echo back to where I stand
Alone without friends in the space of my mind
Facing the harsh truth that my soul demands.
I look for sunshine even though I only see grey.
A level deep within takes pleasure in the despair
Of the vast empty sky, bereft of warmth and light.
Sitting here I loathe that which I feel I cannot repair.
Curled up on the bed, clutching the sides of a hollow body,
Wishing for comfort, for a companion to understand,
I know that I’ll be right here again tomorrow,
Even though there are some willing to lend a hand.
Because this darkness has become familiar,
Making it a comfortable, though destructive place.
I unleash the usual wealth of tears and hatred,
For frustration with who I am and who I’m not is a losing race.
Rubbing at the itchy tearstains on already-red cheeks,
I remind myself that I am not alone and that I am strong.
But I no longer wish to believe that for how can it be true,
When I’ve been crushed under this weight for so long?
Pain is a feeling, which is better than feeling nothing.
Crying for a faraway love, for feeling lost in my dreams,
Shattered under the expectations of others (and of myself),
Spiritless, with no motivation to sew the torn seams.
Ironic really, how this feeling can hurt so much,
Yet be craved with an incredibly forceful need.
Like an addiction, knowing that it is wrong,
But still I always choose the mind-numbing ****
For it takes away the hard reality of life
Allowing an escape into a world surreal.
Because that seems better than the truth
Of a world that I can no longer feel.
May 16, 2013
May 16, 2013 at 2:03 PM UTC
whispers of green that linger in the air
wafting through the grey morning breeze
the sun is shy today, i think to myself
while i hide behind my own wall of clouds
the water is cold and seemingly bottomless
when i dip my toes in the murky black
i watch it ripple
and fogs of blue leak from my lips
jump in
the tide is waist-high
and sends shivers spiraling down your spine
wash away the tearstains of night
and you'll find yourself
looking for the sun.
Nov 30, 2021
Nov 30, 2021 at 8:50 AM UTC
I wrote I love you in the sand at the beach
Tide swallowed the words and drowned them
But the waves were not the reason for impeding speech
My awkward asocial character is the one to condemn
Now the words are gone like the tearstains on my sheets that I have just bleached.
Apr 25, 2014
Apr 25, 2014 at 6:30 PM UTC
There are scars on my
Body that I will never
Know where they came from.
There are tearstains on
My pillow I don’t even
Notice anymore.
I’m told I need help
But I don’t even realize
That I am broken.
Sep 1, 2018
Sep 1, 2018 at 11:26 AM UTC
*Solitary, lie-back moments; of being in the coziest of places surrounded by the most mundane yet magical. Melancholy has a way of tinging itself with those little nuances of memory, and those little nuances of memory tinge themselves with shades of bittersweet and sad recollection over time. Silent reckonings, simplistically suppressing thoughts - all huge contradictions to the slow, natural motion of letting the waves wash over you.
Is this emotional maturity? Is this a step forward? Life is always full of too many intricacies to tell for sure.
The familiar scents of tearstains and revulsion being punctuated by the occasional flicker of light ahead; pain and perseverance, hope and the promise of heaven.
We are so full of contradictions - concrete, grounded beings yet with so many abstractions and complexities in our heads. A constant grapple, a relentless cycle. Coming back to places of washed up memories has this effect on you; but you pull through, you plough through quicksands, you pick up the small rationalities that have gone astray, and you move forward like you’ve always been doing before. It’s the only thing we know how to do.
Walk on our own, on our own two feet.
And pray that whatever knocks us down, will never be enough to sink us.*
Sep 25, 2016
Sep 25, 2016 at 10:31 AM UTC
If ever you resided within a chamber of my heart,
Know that it still wears your decorations of affection.
The crafts we built of time,
The wrinkles in the draperies,
The tearstains in the carpet,
That used to bring us comfort.
I may have changed the locks.
Shuttered it to yesterday.
But late at night,
When all is dark,
When silence falls upon my spirit,
My inner child,
A forgotten hope,
A life we birthed and buried....
Cracks the door,
From time to time,
And sparks a whispered vigil,
So light can touch the splinters
In the plaster of my soul.
A faded house of love...
A place we once called home
Jul 27, 2018
Jul 27, 2018 at 1:58 PM UTC
I am made up of fragments
Bits of memory stain my skin
And I can fade
Into the woodwork, silent wallflower
I have one foot stuck in the past,
And I don’t know how to get it out
Without twisting my ankle
Oh, like-minded soul,
Could you come
To take me home?
Oh, like-minded soul,
Please, take my hand and lead me home
It was so random,
I dont even know how
I spotted you through the fog of thoughts
You caught my eye, your skin tattooed with memories
Just like mine
I saw the shadow in your eyes
I couldn’t look away
I couldn’t turn away from you
Oh, like-minded soul,
Could you come
To take me home?
Oh, like-minded soul,
Please, take my hand and lead me
Home
I swear I see my own tearstains
Turning your skin blue
And I swear that those are my scars
Shining on your arms
And I might be looking in a mirror;
Those eyes match mine
Even though the color is off
Our souls are the same,
We feel the same odd heartbeat
So, like-minded soul,
Tell me, do you know way home?
Oh, like-minded soul,
Let’s go find the way home
Oh, like-minded soul,
Could you come
To take me home?
Oh, like-minded soul,
Please, take my hand and lead me home
Ooh, like-minded soul,
I’ve come to take you home
Oh, like-minded soul,
Take my hand, I’ll lead you home.
Mar 22, 2016
Mar 22, 2016 at 7:30 AM UTC
*I spend my days waiting for night to come,
And nights awake waiting for day.
It’s a hopeless conundrum,
Like waiting for a flight in permanent delay.
My bedroom has become a terminal
Where tungsten lights seep through tearstains,
Where happiness is a criminal
On the run from your grenade.
I’m waiting for your satisfaction
Your smirk of approval, your disdain,
And all I get is a kiss from your shotgun
Blown off, blind-sided once again.
What’s another day to me
One step closer to being depraved
Of meaning, of purpose, of distinction;
I’m just another patient face.
I’ll wait.*
Jun 29, 2013
Jun 29, 2013 at 2:37 PM UTC
there is something powerful about holding
a pen in your hand and writing down
all of the things that you know
and that you
don’t
so my tearstains litter the page like petals
falling from my pen
because my eyes have lost their caring long ago
I’m not sure when
but at some point being okay
became more important than being alive so
I don’t really cry anymore. can’t.
sometimes I know that I should but
the tears don’t come and I feel
a little less than human
but this is how i love myself:
honest ink tracing words of the heart
words that hold my essence better than i ever could
words that voice my joy and my hope and my anguish
words
words
words
Dec 31, 2017
Dec 31, 2017 at 12:36 AM UTC
I said I loved you,
I don't know if I ment it,
My mom asked me questions,
"What colour are his eyes?"
"I don't know blue I think"
"Is he left or right handed?"
"Left I think,"
"If you loved him you would be able to ansewer these."
I think that is when I knew,
That I didn't love you.
You were irivicably in love with me.
There was nothing I could do,
To convince you not to love me.
I tried to let you down gentaly,
And you apreared to handle it well.
But later I saw you eyes,
They were red and puffy,
There were tearstains on you cheeks,
And I knew that you still loved me.
I heard that you were going to **** your self.
The first thing I thought was,
"If he is going to **** you self over a girl you have some seriouse issues,"
Then I heard from someone else
That you were saying it to get my attention.
And I thought,
"He is way to desperate,"
I am glad I broke up with you.
I am not sorry I broke your heart.
Oct 30, 2012
Oct 30, 2012 at 5:10 PM UTC
"Once Upon A Time"
when I was a child
heard that line many times
In the end nobody cried,
everybody was happy,
love would ignite.
Always though that was the truth,
and that a Once Upon A Time
would come for me too
but now I have grown to realize
that fairy tales aren´t real life.
Love will never come
at least not in the way I thought.
But with pain
heartbreaks and tearstains.
My prince won´t be there.
and my happily ever after
won´t be the end.
Jun 10, 2013
Jun 10, 2013 at 1:21 AM UTC
*January 19th:
The plaid sheets that used to be home to all of our memories, is now stained with my tears. I want you to know that you’re still there and that your hoodie is still sitting in the back of my closet, its scent strong enough for me to smell the memories of those winter nights. Your half-empty box of Camels is tucked away in the opening under my floorboards. I always thought that would be what would’ve killed you, not that **** car.
“Those things ‘ill **** you.” I would always say.
“If these things are the one to **** me, I guess we weren’t together long enough for you to do it.” You would always reply, with that quirky smirk of yours.
These are the conversations that I miss the most. Sitting on those sheets and pretending you’re right there is how I spend my days. They said that we were young and stupid and didn’t know anything about love. That we wouldn’t even remember each other’s names come next year. I miss you, God I miss you and I just wish you would come home to where you belong, with me.
Jess
January 22nd:
It’s 11:27 pm and I’m sitting on your grave. I have permanent tearstains on my face I can’t stop crying. Stupid you and your stupid grin that I fell in love with in the first place. Stupid you and your stupid scar above your right eyebrow that you got when you fell off of your bike as a kid. Stupid you. I love you. Can’t you see that? I’m right here, and I love you and want you here with me.
Jess*
Dec 14, 2014
Dec 14, 2014 at 12:19 AM UTC
I am too much of a coward to say this to your face
But since this is a poem
I don’t feel as helpless
Because my thoughts always made more sense coming from my hands than my lips
Since this is a poem
I’m less afraid to confess
How I loved that you chose me
And how I will do anything I can to justify the trust you’ve given me
Since this is a poem
I will admit that this was the first time I have cried for someone else
And that the space before you answered your phone was wrought with a terror I’ve never known
Still, since this is a poem
It is easier to lie when desperation rips off the mask you have so carefully constructed
And you stumble into my arms
Asking—no, crying whenwillthisendwhenwillthisendwhenwillthisend
between gasps for air
Soon, my love, soon
I promise
Since this is a poem
Maybe you’ll finally listen
When I say that you are not a burden
Or a ****** friend
(I know because I have been both, way too many times)
Since this is a poem
I can whisper and SHOUT and emphasize my words
Until you understand
That you are the one person I have ever truly cared about
(And only you know what a big deal that is for me)
You can keep apologizing for being weak
But all that hurts me are the tearstains on your cheeks
And if you are an anchor
Then you must be chained to sky
Darling, haven’t you realized by now
You are the only reason I am still alive.
May 9, 2014
May 9, 2014 at 1:10 PM UTC
I wrote you a goodbye letter
I still have it folded and creased and hidden
Inside of my bedroom
The bedroom that has concealed so many of my secrets
Over the years
I know our bond died
Fourteen months ago
But our loyalty never did
And my love for you like a sister
Is undying
I didn't want to say goodbye
I couldn't think of the words
I put it off until the absolute
Last
Possible
Second
The morning of the last day of school
June 26th
Social studies final exam
Still unable to accept I'm saying goodbye to you
Forever
I typed it up at the breakfast table
Rushed words I over thought the night before
Tears refuse to stop flowing
As I write to you words
Of how much you mean to me
How much I miss the old you
How I will never forget our friendship
How the memories are eternal
And nothing
Has ever
Ever
Hurt
So
Bad
As losing
You.
I waited for you
Alone
For ages
For a thousand eternities that past
Within seconds
...
...
...
...
...
...
You weren't there.
I wrote you a goodbye letter
With tearstains and love
Even though I hate you
Because I love you
I wrote you a goodbye letter
That you never read
And I still keep it hidden away
And I feel you forgetting the mememories
The laugher
The blue heart
The loveliness
The strength
The love
Forgetting it all
With every breath
Forgetting me
...
It's okay
I'll be okay
...
It's just that,
Well,
You didn't say goodbye.
And I wrote you a goodbye letter
Oct 15, 2014
Oct 15, 2014 at 11:54 PM UTC
More often than not I find myself looking through space like there's something there for me to reach for
But you see ghosts are just the dead trying to fit their way back into our lives when they no longer can
And whispers only travel so far before they become hush hums in the winds you blow
I'd give anything to be able to share it with you and have you see past what you let yourself believe
But dandelions fly too far sometimes and they don't really ever find their way back even on the expressway
I only really wear the bracelets I bought to hide the secret lines I write at 3am on the bathroom floor
And you don't watch or look out for the silent flinches when someone grabs my forearm
Neither do you question the tearstains on my pillow when you come over never
So when I'm reaching into the vast amount of nothingness for something to keep me from breaking
I hardly ever come across anything that will help because you can hardly mend broken things that are still cracking at the edges and crumbling into dust
Jan 28, 2014
Jan 28, 2014 at 6:57 AM UTC
you take,
and you take,
and you take;
anything to fill the void,
anything to keep it going,
and it's always just one more.
you take pills,
you take hearts,
you take memories of those
who weren't fortunate enough
'cause in comparison it seems
that you are better than this,
but you know how much it hurts,
you know exactly how it feels.
so you lie,
and you lie,
and you lie;
with your tearstains on the pillow,
that's no way to live a life.
but there's nothing left of you,
you took it all to fill the void,
so now you have to keep it going
and you swear it's just one more.
Aug 14, 2024
Aug 14, 2024 at 10:00 AM UTC
Your tears will speak for you
while your loss dries up all words.
The spreading tearstains
on my shoulder
are eloquent enough.
Jun 26, 2019
Jun 26, 2019 at 7:28 AM UTC
I'm bleeding horizons into the carpet with every ideal I can't obtain.
Oxygen catching in my throat, my lungs don't want it anymore.
You left me heaving promises into thin air and holding myself up on a chair with a missing leg.
Who are you to tell me what I don't want?
I'm not scared of you. (I'm terrified.)
I can walk this earth alone and confident. (Will you catch me when I stumble?)
Tripping over my own tearstains is an accident I've grown used to,
but outsiders still think it odd...
Who would've known to be afraid of themselves?
Oct 9, 2014
Oct 9, 2014 at 4:33 AM UTC
When you make a friend,
Someone who knows you,
And feel like she will stay till the end,
A feeling develops within you,
The more we talk,
The more this love is there for you,
A friend who would mock,
A friend who would talk,
About endless dreaming with you,
Make plans with you,
Always talking over text,
Everything is perfect,
And everything blinds you,
Cuz you love her,
But.....,
She never loved you,
You imagined a life with her,
U can't leave her,
And she loves someone else,
She will be with her lover,
And you can't even talk to anyone,
Cuz you loved her,
And she was your best friend too,
You have no one to talk to,
You don't know what to do,
Just.....,
Feel this familiar pain,
A pain you are used to,
This is what you get,
For being kind,
Loving,
Caring,
And good,
To someone so much,
Just pain,
Just tearstains,
And sleepless nights,
And empty stomach,
And broken heart,
You are not ready to smile again,
To try yet,
Cuz everytime,
This is what you get.
Jul 8, 2018
Jul 8, 2018 at 1:34 PM UTC
I have never been sad.
Tearstains are nothing but memories of heartache
and I want to forget everything.
If I could love you,
and grace your lips with my touch,
without force,
would the notion be reciprocated?
I used to wonder what it felt like
to be a bird:
I am constantly trapped in a cage of my emotions.
My song knows no sweetness.
I am a Siren.
I am broken without sorrow
and sing only of those cold nights
that lack your presence.
Missing you is regretful.
I have always been destructive.
Aug 13, 2014
Aug 13, 2014 at 4:44 AM UTC
anklets and
bloodlust
what an unsettling concept
Mar 3, 2018
Mar 3, 2018 at 11:11 AM UTC
Open the door to where you store the pain,
where you sit on your swing in the driving rain.
Let me in to the coldness of your dark,
that yawning abyss untouched by your heart.
Open the chest that conceals your true identity,
weighing the cons with the wrong quantity.
The power you have in this world is fettered
only by your need to never feel bettered,
to have your own invaluable name unlettered.
Don’t hide your repositories from me,
unlock them all and let me see.
I am your ally in this battle, in this war,
hear me tapping gently on your bolted door.
I see the tearstains rotting the bedroom floor,
be brave and I won’t let your hurt any more.
Open the door to where you store the pain,
where you sit on your swing in the driving rain,
your feet off the ground with nothing to gain
by staying up high swinging in the rain.
Don’t forget what you’ve won and what’s still to gain,
open the door to where you store the pain.
Oct 5, 2018
Oct 5, 2018 at 2:57 PM UTC