Whenever they ask me "What Happened"
I just look at them and say "It's complicated"
I thought it was going so well then all of the sudden,
We go back to strangers; as if we never dated,

It started off as a simple game
I never planned to make you mine,
I never thought you'd feel the same,
We just started talking; from exchanging half gearted insults to cheesy pickup lines,

The thought of us being "more than friends" seemed so sureal,
So I honestly didn't know how to feel,

Until I finally gathered enough courage to ask you,
If you felt the same way about me too,
After your "yes", the happiness was basically all a blurr
But Like they say, love barely lasts forever,
I started to have second thoughts about us being together,
I lost motivation,
Even to reply to your simplest questions,
I didnt keep up a conversation,
I took you for granted,
Barely gave you things you wanted,
Yet somehow I still hate how we ended,
Countless nights contemplating my mistakes,
Countless attenpts to forget you for every shot I take,
Drinking away all the things I did wrong,
Reminiscing from a stupid love song,

Maybe it is true,
That I probably didn't deserve you,
I can't believe how fast you found someone new,
It kills me to think about my biggest regret;
Letting go of a girl I can never forget

He stared off into the distance a stranger to all including himself.
Often when men stand apon that ledge there is little to be said befor the leap.
We all joked poured drinks and passed beer's paying little are no true attention
like the word we mocked we were ******* far from friends.

I saw the thought and spoke nothing I cant stop a trainwrweck  yet i can always get a good view.
He knew like a sappy western sundown would bring death  in a lost stance.
Even with a slight buzz I always saw the view of destruction in a writer reason with poetic sense.

I gotta go there was no soundtrack to warn no ******* follows traggedy
only seconds were left a hourglass count began silent to drunks and in honest
verse none would care.

He handed me his last beer and without question I knew goodbye was not a question.
The chapter had been written.
dark clouds didnt set the canvas to what would happen are laughter matched the light of a early summers embrace.

The sirens i'll always remember the the sirens a invite to a choas coated scene.
The others only looked in that puzzled deer in the headlights moment.
Doc  as we knew him had left the party  drove a mile down the road  
and turned a relaxing friday evening to a day spoke about in often twisted truth.

What had caused it?
A woman as simple as that a fight over a married woman and between the
two neither was her husban.

At the scene it was a sureal event  a fight had broke out Donald  laid
face down in the yard a blood spattred bloated lawn ornament from hell.
And in the truck the man I knew as friend in only names sense lay slumpped over the wheel.

It's a strange thing to absord in one's mind movies are just ****** up lies.
And the source of this chaos went unscathed.
And like any small town it would be talk of every conversation.

And like a snowball from a fragment it turned into a story that held no truth.
And with time it was forgotten replaced by gossip's ever turning wheel.
All had forgotten but I never have for it replays like some ****** up theater act within my thoughts.

Yeah i hate that ******* id love to scatter his brains across the the floor.
the ******* of anger seldom faces the reallity's of truth.
Whats behind the dark glasses is  more than foder for a barooms laughter.

More truths are in jokes than a simple conversation.
Ive viewed the trainwreck often in my life.
But this is just one view into many of my life's backpages.

I often hide behind laughter.
And shield my reallitys to mask what none should understand.
You were more than a memory sorry I never did more.

Most forgot but I never have.

       Dedicated to Russel Bishop.

my whole world has come crashing around me-
since you left-like a kindergardener running out of elmers glue,
i cant hold myself together,
you've left me to fix a broken peice of work
(you used to think it was a masterpeice)
the love you confessed seemed so sureal
now i dont think it was so,

Sky of bleeding red
Lift not one soul today
Let rain come dripping
Drops along a canvas unscathed
Seeking creation along paper terrain

Yellow sun glides along
Causing streaks of hope yet found
Still inside the dry paint sits a comglomeration of an artist's palate
Seeking new ways to finger paint a story
Yet too sureal to let the imagination roam

An unusual free reign to feel insane
To smell the blue of rain
To hold the golden grain
To end the familiar pain
Black streaks daily

Maybe....

We all have a hidden palate
Born by given talent
Tucked away in the cracks of self doubt
Building towers of color
In a great amount
But sown into the cloth of everyday wear

One day our hands will shed different colors
Will spread along each line
Cascading down like waterfalls in the mist
We will hand print our worlds
And become a new picture
In a world full of torn pages

From my mind to the keyboard
words that do spill
quill to paper
cursive sureal
imagination stirring
fantasy abounds
a bird sings from pine
flowers I do smell
a jet flying high above
white plumes it makes
writing letters to gods
on clouds they do lay

I look at the waves
and feel the ocean breeze;
the cold atmosphere to my skin
leaving me with goosebumps
But not until you come
and wrap your arms around me
We'd sit together and look at the stars
Play connect the dots
while trying to find the constellation
We form our own shapes
and talk about how we'll create
our own little Utopia
while looking at the midnight sky

Ohh,
the grapes you pop into my mouth
The sweetness is like the kisses
you plant on my lips,
even when I cry
And everything I do,
you wrap your arms around me
and let my tears wet your shirt
You then rub my back and remind me
that the good outweighs the bad
even on my darkest days

I swear you're magnetic
because even when you're away
I can still feel your aura
The burning passion and affection
that we have for each other
is predestined for eternity
and
NO ONE CAN BREAK THAT
But baby,
when we arrive home
the land will carry us
and we'll uphold our values
for pessimisstic beliefs
are just myths
because love does exist
And man, this one that we have
is sureal
It's real,
but it's like it's not
because it's like living in a fantasy
It's just orange soda you see
Tastes delicious
when it touches my taste buds
and goes down my throat
into my stomach
**** IT'S APPETISING

Tupac said to Jada
that she brings him
to ****** without ***
and baby, I give those words to you

I wanna live with you
FOREVER
even when we're ghosts
or magical creatures in Utopia
So that we can plant our love
on various people who are like us;
Predestined for eternity

You're my euphoria...

Old reflections and new revelations seem mired by my past.
Words thrown together for amusement the wreckage now simply a skeleton for children to play.

Sandalwood spent offerings the afterglow has long since left us cold now it lingers only in whispers somewhere within the catacombs of a dream I so eagerly forget and relive with each tune played .

Does it  still seem the same from you distant view my dear?
And old fights passions spent dried blood and a once in the moments ecstasy and a bitten lip.

How it seems a stranger now a old sentiment for a even older fool.
To hell with the memories they stand a tides pool of nothing I give a **** to embrace .

Maybe the nights are backdrop a story overplayed but none so beautifully ****** up as you.
Sureal is it now as my pavement of reality old faces and new enemies it's so ******* overplayed sweetheart almost as I.

We are nothing more than the example of the carnage .
Scars shared echoes of a illusion and are shared delusion how we laughed with the crash.

Tell me do they linger fragments misspent with others we react are ways with such bit players and one night stands where did we become
so jaded in a perfect sense.

Its all a act of repeat .
I dialed the number and simply hung upo before there could be a response .

For that train was derailed long before it met the station my dear .
just because I never reached out .
Don't ever believe I once did not care .

Lies we tell to are souls turn us to bitter old fools .
And this was my cue.

Exits are simply roads to yet another stage .
And mine was set long before my words reprise .

Yeah sometimes you just can't avoid that rear view mirrors
gaze no matter what kind of ******* you have become.

Remembering that day, unknowingly the last
Bitter, sweet, haunting, visions of the past
He was vibrant and seemed so free
Wasn't long for this world then gone was he

A courageous man with a great big heart
A viking warrior, right from the start
A magical mind, an enlightened brain
Your big Brother's passed, the violent pain

Three years on and still so sureal
Grief is horrific, how does one heal?
He was my hero, biggest inspiration
A rare intelligence with fierce dedication

We feel him at times, his energy is there
Smiles and sadness, in this we share
I found a white feather on the ground
It's his way of saying, he's still around

Can't bring ourselves to say goodbye
Another question that begins with WHY?

Mankind in a wasteland
Sacrificing quality for quantity
Naked money trees
Blood stains on the leaves

Risking love for war
Creaked yet open door
Beyond this dusty floor
Reveal a future that does not miscarriage
For I'm tired of losing hope
Inside this worn graveyard

Should I sacrifice my life for torn petals?
Should I question drinking cyanide?
Or tasting acid strips on rainy days?
Base my life on human imperfection
To define what my mind could dream
Judge what in life is serene

Mankind in a wasteland
Too sureal to feel a need to smile
Human kindness rotting
Smelling foul

But beautiful could it be
Love in sweet serenity
Living to love another's skin
Lending a dream
To a man in need
Children born by a lonely seed

Laughter killing the cyanide
Stars inside my cup
As I sip on paradise
On human wastelands

Is it over yet?
Has it come to a close?
My days off are long. ..too long.
Im getting ready to be whole.
Whilst digging my way out of the deep dark hole of myself.
Radical Acceptance they pour into me.
It's all sureal and doubtful.
Going against the very gain in which I believe.
There is so much we can yet achieve.
But we are just tools .
To move as they please.
I've been fighting forever to not be one of These...
Getting more tired each day of the games we have to play with Those.
To just have a small piece of peace..

Sometimes I wonder if I exist at all,
Like, what if this is all a dream,
Sometimes I wonder if I am living someone else’s life,
Like, what if they come and ask for it back,
Sometimes I wonder if I even experienced some events that happened in my life,
Like, they seem so sureal and deep away in my memory that I cannot even confirm that they happened,
Sometimes, I really wonder!

Sometimes I wonder if I have actually lived in a different lifetime or parallel universe,
Like, all those deja vu moments are a telltale sign of this alternate existence,
Sometimes I really wonder!

Sometimes I wonder if people can tell that I am tired and bored,
Like, all they say I have heard before and I have had enough,
Sometimes I wonder if my friends can tell if I have lied to them,
Like, they let me off the hook because they love me or completely have no clue that I just lied.
Sometimes, I truly wonder!

Sometimes I wonder if my clients will notice that I don’t know everything,
Like, can’t they tell that I am arguing to throw them off course,
Sometimes I wonder if .....
Well, Sometimes I wonder if I’ll be declared a fraud,
Like everything I have done is not worth anything,
Sometimes I just wonder!

And Sometimes, I actually Wander....away!
Into Oblivion.....

Rember the sounds,the sights,our laughter
The joy that rushed us and filled our evey being
the pulsating beat of an excelerating moment
the thumbing of our hearts to the waves of the music
our touchs and our glances and our disires
the satifaction of a gentle brush of skin and plastic
melting in you,energizing you,flowing through your body
the washed-out,blurred faces emulating heat
the soothing flashes of colorful light swirling in mid air, fading and reviving
with a gaint dark mass underneath and in it,
moving and sawying in sync, as if it's one intity,yet it's many individuals,faceless and pure
the smell of over heated,moist bodies glowing in the light
so sweet and alluring and sureal,overdriving our senses
mixing them together into euphoria,into exstacy,flowing into our veins,tingling
then it's gone, all in one moment,
your alone,your scared,your not one intity but one person
reasoning flys back to you,reality lingering in
memories and regrets and lies and happiness sink slowly into your brain filling you with emotions
you recall your last moments of exstacy
then walk away
leaving everything in a shattered mess,not bothering to fix or face it
taking one moment,one piece, from thousands and your gone...it's gone