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Helen Jul 2015
I'll walk towards you in stilletos
Naked as the day I was born
and fold myself across you
anticipating as the day is long

I'll bend my knees upon carpet
as decadent as your punishment
and hold my breath until blue
waiting for your commencement

Waiting for your roaming hand
to just simply stop it's caressing
anticipating that sharp sting
upon flesh so eager for addressing

Up and down the fingers splayed
beginning the real torture
wiggling brings a sharp reprise
and a whispered
what have I taught you?

There is no escape, essentially,
as you bend so enticingly
across my knee there is no escape
from me


and crack across my buttocks
brings pleasure to both of us
and an unspoken entreaty,
hips raised in motion
please...
More for me
R Mar 2013
Dear Poet,

I do not know you; yet I know exactly who you are.
I do not know your name; I know the verbs and the adjectives and the metaphors that can sprout in your mind like a flower ready to bloom at two o'clock in the morning. You're afraid, I know. You're afraid to open up to another person because you've been let down time and time again. You find it hard to trust people. No one knows how you feel except for that precious notepad and your favourite pen. Replace the paintbrush with a pencil and the canvas with some paper, and darling, you are an artist. Your world is coloured through the scribbled words in the margins of your study sheets, and the inspiration you get when you discover something amazing. The inspiration to write. To write about what's good in this world, to write about what's bad, about what makes you happy and what makes you sad.
You are not defined by your name. You are not defined by what others think about you. You are not defined by the way you see yourself in the mirror, or the way you interact with others. Instead, you are defined by your favourite colours. You are defined by the beautiful moments you have learned to capture in a single photograph. You are defined by the stories you tell about that day when you were 10 years old. You are defined by the songs you listen to when you're home alone. The movies that you watch; especially the ones that can make you break down in tears no matter how many times you've seen it. But most importantly, you are defined by the words you write. The string of thoughts that you could never say out loud. The words you should have said to that certain person can be told through your poems, and the words that you shouldn't have said can be scrubbed out with an eraser in the fraction of a second. See, this is why you matter.
You matter because you are a poet. You are not just an ordinary person; you have a passion like no other. You see things that the world does not; like the beauty of a sunset or the meaning behind a song or the sadness hidden through a smile. You over-analyse everything, but that's okay because you are a poet. You can find a reason to write just because of something someone said to you, or a good day, or a bad day. In fact, you cherish the bad days because those are the times when your writing shines like the sun coming up after a long day of rain.
You are so beautiful, and everyone can see it but you. You look in the mirror and count each and every flaw you see. You wish you could be prettier, you wish you could be happier, you wish you could be like the popular kids at your school. You wish you could play sports instead of hiding out in your room all day writing a bunch of crap. But it's not crap... It is the most pure and absolutely extraordinary thing in this world. Why? Because you are a poet. Your words are who you are. Don't you dare become popular; don't you dare change who you are. You are a poet. You are unique. You are so, so beautiful.
Hands stained with ink, pencil behind your ear, notebook hidden in your back pocket. No make-up, hair pulled up, wearing your comfiest hoody. You don't have brand name clothing, or an expensive car. You don't go out partying, or eat at fancy restaurants. Why? Because you are a poet. You drink tea, not wine. You wear sweatpants, not dresses. Converse, not stilletos. You are not a model. You are not an actress. You are not like the others.
You are not outgoing. In fact, you are extremely quiet and shy. But you are kind, so so kind. You care about others, not yourself. You are the listener, not the talker. You are the nurturer. You are the lover of books, of literature, of English. You are a poet.
I do not know you. But I hope to meet you one day, I hope to share my poems with you and cry over sappy love stories and get drunk off tea with you. Why? Because you are a poet. And so am I.

Sincerely yours,
Another Poet
Red* was not her colour
But a taste and sounds of her
No danglings, no bling-blings
Not even the *style
of Harry's.

She wear no stilletos
Neither pumps but fine kicks
Keds trend all over
Rockin' and spinnin'
With her preferred music.

At times, I then look down
Not to face the pebbled ground
Taylor's Red Collection
Became part of my up-to-date fashion.

(6/30/14 @xirlleelang)
Adele Jun 2015
She sat around a huge throng
At La Bellevilloise where the music turns up
matches her red lips and sultry dress
Pouring a bottle of Musigny under a frigid night

She curled her brunette hair an hour
chose the best stilletos
with a drop of parfum in her wrist

Tonight, the moon's her spotlight
she drown from every sip of wine,
as she dances her heartache
and catches his eyes

Her smile stings a heart
her words create an echo
enchanting to his ears

A poison of desire
a canvas of picturesque scenery
she was the quintessential beauty
that burns in sight

But on midnight,
where they said their goodbyes,
she looked at her face
with the mascara lines
and messy hair in the mirror

whispering, "tonight was a terror"

slowly wiping her eyes and exhaled with a smile
TexasRambler Jul 2017
A burning anger consumes my mind and scorches  all of my joy black.
Cruelty rests on the tip of my tainted heathens tongue,
but never shall your beautiful liars ears hear my mournful cries.


You love me yet you so carelessly dispose of all the lessons we learned.
I want to help you but you push me away like a phantom that never was,
and your life tumbles down like a boulder from your reckless abandon.



However both you and I are two hypocrites of a kind in a deck full of jokers.
A foolish gambit I took for your happiness and lost the people we once were.
I tragically know that no matter how many tears I cry there will never be an ocean that can sail me back through time.


Infatuation and naivety arrive to me in waves but quickly evaporate due to cynicism.
A pleasant day has yet to come to my devoid half complete tiny little world,
and I wonder about when or  if it ever finally will.
Just some venting when I have a case of the blues.
hadley May 2016
lackluster, with a sad smile
i wade into the deep ocean of self hatred
with my head anchored to my spine
in only the most casual of ways
lips curved into a hint of what could've been
a smile

as the water reaches my throat
i swear i could hear the click of her patent stilletos
against the sides of my ribs
as i try and recall
the way your calloused hands
brushed against my shoulder
released all of the world's winds
into the small of my back

i can't help but laugh
at the way mirrors seem to destroy me from the inside out
my brown eyes seem to condescend
at what i fail become
as i watch you fall in love
with all that she is
and all that i can never be

i drown.
i may delete this later
Madeysin Mar 2015
Blowing kisses,
Is inocent she said,
As she drew the eye liner a little thicker across her eye lids,
  
Biting your lip,
Is perfectly okay,
As her lips bleed red,
Shade 918,

Uncrossing your legs,
Is a little inviting,
As the stilletos gleamed against the dim lighting,
She said,

Tight clothes,
Make me wanted,
She said as her body bended down,
A hand came down ******* her ***,

Bra less see through shirts,
Add to the thrill,
Her ******* profound,

Lace lingerie,
Makes the boys drool,

I'm a burlesque babe!
Don't look shocked,
I was raised this way,
olivia rose Mar 2015
I had a dream that I saw you in a hotel room with two other women. I was chasing them down the hallway with my 6 inch stilletos, a knife sharper than my mind, and a heart full of rage.  I welcomed them with a formal greeting before I took their heads, "hello, my name is Delilah. I'm here to **** you. I'm sorry if I'm  sweating profusely. Now, if you wouldn't mind getting on your tartly knees." I kept thinking to myself, as I slowly inserted my mind into theirs, 'I never knew I was capable of doing such things.' And it wasn't until they were finally dead that you were finally gone.

You were the milk to my white oleanders; ever so soft, innocent, and pure and I could easily absorb you through my stems and blossom until I was plucked  from the bouquet the very next day.  Now, instead of your milk, only your stench remains and I can't seem to wash it off no matter how hard I try.  There's no longer that sweet flora and fauna that I once remember. You are now but an awfully sweet memory that remains in my bell jar forever.
Waverly Mar 2012
I've got a date
with the devil,
she never wears stilletos,
just a pair of chucks
and them lee dungarees,
if I order a drink for myself
I have to order one for her.

"Are you going to drink that?"
I ask.

It's just been sitting there for awhile,
so warm and hungry.

"No,"
she says,
and her eyes are already pocked
with burst blood vessels,
already glassy with my soul,
she's got it now.

So I take it,
and take everything she's got to give.

Which is a lot,
considering.
Ray Suarez Jun 2015
filthy brick
sitting in my rented room
drinking southern comfort
it's been a long time
I'll definitely be ******* in the sink
tonight
I hear the women outside
women,women,woman
clapping hooves on cement
stilletos of the apocalypse
smash my eyes and
break my teeth
tick,tick,tick.tick
tick,tick, tick.tick
give me the agony
it's in your skin
woman
Mateuš Conrad May 2020
with no real reference to u2: i still haven't found
what i'm looking for -
which is music in a nutshell...

            hell... with all those guitar virtuosos...
to name a few... joe satriani...
                           john petrucci or steve vai...
but it wasn't what i was looking for...

   working backwards... something on the lines
of tom verlain...
      something: more laid back - guitar music:
sometimes lyrics are... bothersome -
              
           well... and the virtuoso music is simply:
a mood killer...
then the youtube algorithm starts
to glitch and fond memories of the jukebox
pop up like phosporescent moles...

            tommy guerrero...
                              no mans land...
                     a real shame to be writing anything
while this is playing in the background...
i'd settle for a wasp's nest of a head -
busy body me with both hands tied -
sipping a ms. amber in a corset and stockings
(bourbon) with some pepsi through
a straw...

                      i did think i was looking for
this something with egberto gismonti's solo...
apparently not...

   and for all its worth: the cut-off point...
i.e. what was once a calm revelation
of a lake...
becomes a frothing waterfall:

sometimes words are like bones anc concrete...
but me, being lazy...
                 teasing dyslexia or...
whatever...
                       you can say all you want
about... kevin spacey...
i'm not going to play the devil's advocate...
but...
                drift off... drifting off...
the required amount of prescriptive sleep...
no dreams...
i so too thought: i thought so too...
we wouldn't be buying sleep and dreams
over the counter...
big pharma excavations....

lester burnham...
and of course... kaiser sow'z'eh...
          sure... otherwise a kim novak /
     james stewart...

                      proper immigration:
send us your women... your ukranian... women...
and the brain-drain:
the best folk...
blah blah blah... blah blah...
what a load of...
glued to the concept of island:
easy to spot a border...
i guess...
                   it's always the carte blanches:
of a cate blanchetts and neurosurgeons
that make it...

no wonder... rewards in ***...
hmm... how about a genocide worth of *****
into a tissue... flushed...
gets the blood boiling...
Paris pre and during and "sort of"
after lockdown...
spike in female depression... no no...
this that and the other...

    so much more with... ****** and ***** banks...
i feel truly sorry for... women...
that will have to give birth to...
worker ants... construction workers...
not those pretty battersea shelter for
"stray" cats and dogs "nurses"...
i will  feel really sorry for the women
who will have to "forget"...
what's that term... hyper-... no...
  gyro- no... hyperbolic... no no nein!

hypergamy! yeah... and some women will
clearly not... up and up and more up...
if only i were a milkman's son...
a tiny little enclave... a stage...
the sea... the cliffs: i the next...
fisherman... the next trucker...

women of the world unite!
but this article... rage...
women don't need men:
of the same class - of the same dada venture...
the same dandies the same:
throws out a perfectly good electrical appliance...
because... "forgot" to check the plug fuse...
same ****... different cover...
all stereotypes... slavs are good workers...
all the plumbers and electricians
circa 2004 - 2018 were polacks...

everyone's a ******* poet over in:
englishland...
and a journalist...
and a whitney houston diva!
        well... no mistake there...
since all the n.h.s. nurses are dancing tiktok...
and...
i once thought it was: slavery...
unless: but i was... wrong...
about that well explained aspect of:
not a slave... but... rather...
being... conscientious...

          well... if you say it like that...
the ex-patriates who had tea with mussolini...
they weren't immigrants or:
high price of culture...
nor that anywhere west of the river Oder
experienced the cultural enrichment
of: that one-time-hit of mongolia and
the golden **** horde...
or that... some pakistanis still have a name:
muhammad... and a surname: khan...

it could be worse... it could be... much worse...
i could be... circumcised...

hell... have children: teach them how to ride
a bicycle: have them listen to mylo's
sunworshipper -
or stick around aging people...
walk up and down creaking wooden stairs...
and hear them snore...
while the bed lamp is still on...

with children and the fear of the dark...
with aging people and the fear
of death... and that's the middle ground
of focus...

royskopp - so easy - elevator music...
horror movie soundtrack:
nostalgia for the 1950s / 1960s
of the 20th century...
now... i can almost understand...
nostalgia for... circa:
the three muskateers...
         vikings...
                            but this sort of
nostalgia: "early on"... em...
the graveyard is the new musuem
with the added splash of al fresco artistry:
the wind, the shine, the peckish sparrows...
the rain...
the hot the cold...

'french single women were supposed
to be miserable on their own...
      thrilled from the pressure to hook
up' - adam sage...
          sage my st. augustine's sololoqui
burnt and smothered in sand-paper...
***...
            
   the world of *** toys and ***** banks...
and... casual joe says:
tables and chairs... brick walls...
buildings... magically popping up...
thin again! thinning air...

oh... i'm not *******... the french ladies
the english ladies don't really care much
for: women of the world unite...
press the war button...
otherwise an invasion is riddled
without bullets of rifles...
written on a postcard: wish?!
i'm coming over...

                     who's paying for the viewcount
of / and credibility?
heidegger and blue boy: remember me:
i'm asking... me standing before
the mirror - in half of adam's attire...
whithered: en vogue...

                  musik for the jilted generation...
heated debated looking for alternatives...

*** toys and ***** banks...
       white knights and... placebo hearts...
how i sometimes wish...
this was an abortion of a beethoven
and this was the medium of the grave...

i would much have better not been sold:
the child, the boy...
whatever that was circa up to the age of 21...
dress me up... in stilletos...
and horse reins and claps...
and tell me: plough this 'ere field...
better that... than the myth of the child of man...
that man is ever a child...
beside the lie in waiting...
tugged and pulled along...
    constipated / claustrophobic language:
that much i can understand...

i wish for having pristine:
leather like skin...
but since my skin: isn't doing my bidding:
that i am doing its (bidding)...
fur... living fur... cats for cuddles...
there's one sleeping in my bed...
right now: and i know that if i pick her
up... one of those bath floating ducks
playthings of a box of music of meows...

sensations: regarded as bone thinning...
and via tooth-loss inspired:
fwench kissing...

- junk-box of suprises - as random as a kandinsky
canvas or a burrough's paragraph...
better this kid achieved maturity
within the confines of an abortion...
than... this... one sure short: missing ******:
insert - ***** and ditto...
the constipated and less so:
islamic harem of the martyrs...
when three holes are given the liberal
shakedown...

to be shamed by *******:
when one isn't conscripted into
               circumcision: that flake
of living skin: the new niqab...
is like: the old, the new, the old...
moral compass of mommy kiss your cherubs
goodnight... **** daddy's **** prior...

wunderbar!
                    learn from spewing stewart...
learn a ditto: at least...
learn:
|
|
|
|  this is how you get a marker and decide
on how a paragraph begins...
cooking a slice of tender beef: aside...
into the beauty of a mid-western...
half baked cookies...
cookie dough jam: the ice-cream...
the crucifixions of no new tomorrow -
the same old... replica of constipation...
and... orthodox jews learning the violin...
like it's a slaughterhosue for horses -
and by miracle of the ching-chang-wall'ah...
prunes! prunes of the squirm!
lemon meets Paris...
meets... lemon meets...
a wine connoisseur... mr. lemon has
a busy schedule... all of asia... "practically"...
mr. lemon arrives in beijing...
                  suddenly the concept of batman
spawns... a centipede torso of...
availability of movement...

cul de sac protests! of course...
bag a cockerely and interrogate him in...
finnish!
it's as if... "they" almost forgot... to...
circumcise and castrate...
and have a 1UP on us... for that...,
much desired... quack!
choir of castrated oink voltaires:
no... those we call...

                    Sardinian...
                                 and tenors...
and: purple ******* sacks of a culmination
of a beard / stubble...
all bishop: all kosher... the voice!
the crescendo: better: unlike rain on
copper roof plating... tulips in goth...
goth: some would call...
strawberries: looking plump...
as juicy... and edible...
             come the cushions of a december
plough...
                  
            i much agree for the concerns
of the: seasonal dietitians...
root veg through winter...
the rest will follow: choir imperatives...
            
             tap tap... drum-roll: more chaotic...
and all the right: lost precisions...
akin to the enigma of:
the ballett of soft teasing snow...
come night and the toll of moon...
                  
            striding to find accents of heaven...
with worded: brush strokes of
the easily irritated fathomability:
bulk prize - it's still... a ******* square...
leaning tower of Pisa or cubism...
Picasso or no... Picasso...

all are waiting, the encore,
the alphabet... the encyclopedic entries...
suggesting: no banter for a worth if a wriggling
seance worth of shrapnel...
or that... arachnophobia:
and the scuttling spiders...
or the ones you touch... coin-flip...
limps stressed: tense... folded...
preteding to... play dead is all they ever do...

tommy the satire gun: ownership contra
worship... like... something from
a ***** universe...
before the sober judge...
before the sobering jury...
the drinking... "aristocrat" of accusations...
i drink... i drink...
because that's when i tend to scubadive...
skydive... i tend to spew: stew...
tell the truth... that drinking and listening
to music is one of those hazard free
"side-projects"...

        i find my heart among the sparrows...
such is their love for life...
i find my tongue among the crows
and magpies:
such is their critique of life: per se...
i find my feet in that magic carpet ride
of the widow swan:
a fate near impossible... nay...
completely: not near: impossible!
petting a dog for its worth of thick
cranium...
   circles galore! circles and circles...
this is not me stroking a leash...
or.. being fidget genius
over a muzzle...

        thumbs up: the ****...
                   more sparkle?
more colour? more dehydrated shrimp
paste? shrimp *****
and mr. lemon serves up:
an experience of tourism from beijing,..
mongolian squint eye:
squiggly noon ugh... sun...

warsaw the parade of ghosts and echoes...
esp. the underground
when the trains roll in from Kiev
and further east...
karma-alcoholic & cinderella "ulterior"
opt outs...
            by best decipher for ads...
i.e. counter... oculus per oculus:
eye for an eye...  shylock and i agree...
a violin for a violin...
a horse's mane for a bow...

                             better than: the end...
             ditto...
                            lady justice gave both her
eyes up... to pressure
a box into abiding by rules
of the guillotine...
  like hell: will this supposed soul...
this branch of learning:
psychology and the logic of non-existence...
ever...
because of how asthma and irregular
breathing... mr. itsy-witsy
and mr. boogie rain-man..

                             **** up and **** with
the readily available...
i'll watch...        a best canape of voyeurism...
is akin to: faking a pose of
atlas... when... performing the banality
of the metaphor of sisyphus.
Mateuš Conrad Feb 2020
the world renowed english: black humour...
schwarzhumor...
better known by its "high german" -
alt-vater-zunge... schadenfreude term...
perhaps this anglo-slav of me always
found an iron maiden
of self-censorship to never
allow myself a pleaßure from this...
"sense of humor"...
it's not that i'm gripped with
either sympathy or empathy -
i guess i am... more or less:
arms tied... pretending to be a rock
or a ghost when...
we shared a laugh:
once upon a time... when one of us
was kicked in the *****...
or the football came full force
in a football match against the genitalia...
or how i was so wrapped up
in reading a newspaper while
walking... i'd walk into a lampost...
it's not laughing at misfortune is
general... it's a quick-equipped
circumstance of slapstick humor...
the base instinct... almost paranoid
in waiting... because you suspect
the universe to find the counter joke...
of close proximity karma...
you laugh nervously...
because: the 12th rule for life...
sorry... can anyone translate the fact
that petting a cat in a street...
is by far the hardest rule "for life"...
that cats do not come with:
readily petted... by strangers...
unless... so unloved by their owners
they become "missing"...
lost dogs and "missing" cats...
a cat is never missing...
i own two cats = i vacuum the house
every, single, ******* day...
sometimes i'm vacuuming spare air...
but i always wish for vacuuming
to be fishing-esque...
the need for the house to be clean...
shedded-furr-free is...
almost compulsive...
but it's necessary...
it's not that ****** easy to pet a cat
in the street...
it's too obscure to be a rule...
dumb dog will be whipped and either
turn around and bite...
or further his nostalgia for the all-loved-puppy...
distrustful creatures...
these cats... a black cat crosses your path...
the number 13... bad luck...
elsewhere... not here: not with me...
it's hardly a rule... because it can't be kept:
no random cat is willing to be petted
by a stranger on the street...
first of all... you need to walk the streets
at night...
but this is about...
never being inclined to entertain
schadenfreude...
among the western slavs... the polacks...
there's only plainsight jealousy...
i can stretch my palette when it comes
to the english schwarzhumor:
the ridicule and the terse accounts...
and the bombast...
i can entertain this dry scrutiny:
cptn. obvious in tow...
but the old rhine black forest humour?
schadenfreude...
i actually find it less difficult to avoid
encountering this mild sadism...
what's harder? faking apathy...
because when confronted with having
to disguise either empathy or sympathy...
is much harder than to give way
to schadenfreude...
back into the co-ordination of a self:
your self: reflective -
yourself: the reflexive...
it's a balancing act... and it's near impossibility
of stratifying "neuter"...
well...
apathy - what a paradoxical word -
a bit like psychopath -
the pathology associated with the existence
of a soul - psychopathy and exclusive materialism...
apathy: to be freed from all and any
pathology is a pathology per se:
which is apathy...
it's this automated "free ride" that
drags along minor details...
posists spotting microaggressions...
you see them... for your own pleaßure...
since there's no major hinderence...
no clarified pathos -
no obliterating ****** impetus -
the middle-ground: no-man's-land...
i currently have a cold - that famous...
voltaire definition of living in england:
the forever-cold...
the bounty of living on an island...
premature arthritis and constant colds...
away from the dry air compensations
of continental air...
sure... it does rain on the continent...
but you're not surrounded by water
all the time!
perhaps the + is that...
given so much water around...
the daytime hours come sooner
during the winter months...
than they do on the continent...
it's this... ******* island damp!
but - in all honesty... a cold is a welcome
period of: immediate discomfort...
with immediate remedies at hand...
discomfort as: less lethargy and more
nausea...
i know the signs of this minor discomfort...
all i have to look at is...
the uvula...
i know i'm in the chicken-shack enclosure
of the common, mundane cold:
ad nauseam when the uvula...
is... not swollen... but elongated... seemingly dripping...
when the uvula is touching the tongue
when the mouth is open... i know i have
been infected by a common discomfort...
would this ever stop me drinking?
hardly...
but tonight... no need to walk
the labyrinth of the outer english suburbian
streets looking for cats and foxes "to pet"...
the third tonsil is still in place -
it almost looks like a overtly-wrinkled
nutmeg stone...
and it protrudes itself in the gob
when an automated reaction to regurgitation
plays a role...
from the days when i used to mind
my weight and physique...
also having succumbed to classical
bulimia (roman) -
or eating and then regurgitating what
i ate... ******* down the throat
at first... until the oesophagus was
properly trained...
but an uvula that's "trickling" down...
like a mama goat's ****** that has been
****** off too many times...
and is lazily agitating the tongue it
rests on... then i know i have a common cold...
i experienced schadenfreude once...
but it was the immediacy that surrounded it...
it became an outburst of laughter:
spontaneously or rather:
if i were th lucky man, wearing a top hat
or a bowler... walking through trafalgar sq.
and having a pigeon **** on it...
but there's a doubled problem surrounding
schadenfreude... these days...
it's a humour associated: brooding-over...
or like reading a charles dickens novel...
something bogus like so...
it's hardly married to the child of spontaneity...
or the reflexive invitation: like water,
most unstoppable...
humour in a sense: pickling cucumbers
so that they become gherkins...
those tiny little oddities of the kingdom
of... the vegetative state of affairs...
i don't know why i would enjoy this...
ancient (not so primitive) sense of humour...
today i finally realised working my way
around the alarm clock...
and what a beautiful morning it was...
being woken up with music...
full blast: american head charge's debut
album... rather than some alien sound
of gongs and castrated gods, or sparrows...
a tonne of elephant **** landed in my room
and i became chirpy like a sparrow
without... what those gypsies get up to:
sing-along *******: happy r.e.m. -
peoples of the world: disunite...
two jokes: why do italian men grow moustaches?
so they can look like their mothers...
nick nolte: head full of honey...
decent film...
joke no. 2... why are all german jokes...
it's better than these people have a car to export...
there is no german joke...
little brother england - the expansion
of saxony is one thing... but hearing
a pomeranian joke is... watching the *******
tide becomes funnier the minute i close my
eyes and imagine: the need to blink upon
opening my eyes again...
this lazy uvula... soar throat...
more like: the uvula made a bed from the tongue
and forgot to dangle:
my mouth the church bell: the uvula the gong...
but not this lounging...
*****-****** ****** off too many times:
milking cow ******* thrice daily state of
sick... common sick... boring sick...
where the everest of the major discomforts...
like the ghost leg of an amputee?
teasing fate?
fun out of what? low i.q. or...
            karma-paranoia?
      choice of words... lepidopterological ask:
a cloud of:        e     d      r
                        a      b     n     o   r
                             i     h     m   p   w:
red baron whimp...
this... monolingual fetish for... best we not learn
another tongue in fear of becoming schizoprenic /
bilingual... need fortifications!
anagrams and crosswords!
the trouble of meeting an english native-speaker
half-way...
you'll never meet an english native-speaker
half-way... either way or no way...
a rare event... sooner coming across
a polyglot or a polymath than a willing...
native bilingual...
greenwich meridian: bellybutton people
of the world: the center of attention!
     even if the natives go against the welsh...
from the outside looking in?
not that many compliments going to scotland...
gaelic somewhat: more like mostly:
the trajectory of: but we kept the accents
the hark-and-harking-sense of sing-along:
tweed and tartan!
yes... but the welsh...
kept... llachar coch
    llaчar coх (cyrillics borrowed)...
or llakhar (kh - к) coх... draig...
gwyn heddwch (hedłх) rhag uchod...
gwyrdd porfeydd isod...
dazzling red dragon:
white tranquilty from above...
green pastures below...
              not so much can be said
about the scots: who "forgot" gaelic...
mainstream...
but: och! the glaswegian accent!
mein herr! what a bounty!
               i have a real problem with schadenfreude...
i don't know... perhaps...
i never appreciated the joke of:
having to walk in someone else's shoes:
literally...
if they are too big: the sensation of
walking the clown's walk
on a ground littered with dead squid...
slipping but not slipping...
otherwise the cramp and "claustrophobia"
of being a tip-toeing geisha...
or something from that chinese nightmare
of the lotus feet of the Song and Qing dynasties...
called: lotus feet... more like...
pork-stilletos choppers...
you can almost spot a hoof in this
man-made deformity...
blah blah all you want about the superiority
of the chinese ideograms: dear ezra...
sure... a chinese ideogram as... a brick
to be lent in building the great wall... against
the mongol...
but... at the end? what's being said:
the crude syllable: chin chong shin diggy diggy.
Mateuš Conrad Aug 2017
**** the face,
although sure, i'd love to **** it...
just show me your hands,
looking at your face doesn't
'elp much...
i just need to see your hands,
to say whether you're male
of female...
      i'm sorry, no work
of medicine transforming your
face, hiding your masculine
jaw-line will do it to me...
just show me your hands
and lets have the "circus" act
over and done with in
a matter of seconds...
babe, i'd ******* no matter what,
i'm not russian,
i'm a half-way house between
feral russian, and
  "western" european, and yes:
i'm not swedish.
funny? i always found a female's
hand the most ****** parts,
you can't fake the hand structure
with trans-gender women...
they're always asking for an axe,
always too big, yuck.
          if you wanna,
i'll break a few knuckles,
             and then shorten the fingers
by taking out some minor
bones... no?
    look at these faces...
chloe arden: i'd **** her...
     him, her... him... huh?
   show me the hands!
   theryn meyer: yup...
    blaire white: oh fyck yeah...
and i did write this while
listening to the stone roses'
song i wanna be adored...
mind you, i really did sketch this
girl i adored from high-school
listening to this track,
and yeah, i did ask her for a photograph,
which she did give me,
and i did sketch her...
    what was her name?
ah....  emma a lovely strawberry
blonde... a few freckles on her cheeks
                   and nose...
what a gall...
                 i might as well have cited
describing a rotweiler...
        a beauty by any care for
having been "almost" memorable...
love at first site... she is still memorable...
for some reason,
a smile that left you wanting
to pinch her cheeks like a grandma'h...
which is a shame,
given you wanted that sort
interaction: as a lover.
       oh but i can't forget her accomplice:
name? rebecca...
curly deep-brown hair,
**** me, how can i forget?
    they were the newbies at our 6th form...
you think i might forget that piece of ***?
wait... there is one anomaly...
  she was a classy lass...
i was a fugitive to my hormones...
  and there she was:
a celtic mysterium...
                   what was her name?
never mind,
      i still remember asking emma
for her photograph, and sketching her...
**** me, glad to have
angled that strawberry blonde
from the museum of memory...
what a beauty...
     freckles and dimples +...
              i don't mind transgenderism...
i mean, from what i've seen?
i can't tell the difference... unless of course
you show me your hands....
can't fake the feminine hand...
sorry? or is that oops?
     well double that up with an oops...
face? sure...
   **** as hell...
  but you can't fake the hands...
   sorry...
           with the names already stated:
you can trick me with a gorgeous face...
but when it comes to hands?
   if you can't make believe with the hands?
i'm sorry...
    don't do what the korean girls do
by breaking their tibia / fibula to stand
at 5 feet 9 inches without stilletos...
    you can do magic with the face,
but the hands?
      let you in on a little secret...
the hand that jerks off...
    isn't the eye that anticipates
                  the jerking off partner;
face? you can fake the transgender
approach? hands?
              that's hard to fake,
esp. for me, since those are the most
****** parts of a woman.
Mateuš Conrad Mar 2020
( either thrown beneath the trodding gods' apathy
and higher, rising, contempt -
or having to squalor in man's pyramids -
myriad grain on a heap -
consort or meander in the dung heap -
the mouthful of maggots -
      in this flesh eat flesh and the ******* of
bone-marrow of a couldron of human intrigue...
either...
          mad-riddled among the gods...
or castrated and shamed among fellow men...
in my cusp: a tenderness of beauty -
an imitation bowl or at least 10 volumes worth
of tablespoons - as that:
a ferocious gulping down of water...
               and at what point is death merely
a translator of the three factions...
                        of the harvest: a perpetual presence
as one would say: one born every minute...
what personification what mythology
      when... one is always oh so busy... ) a lovecraftian
                                                       pre-scriptum...
                                  
   interlude: thomas and timothy take to dancing
in limbo... thomas wears the stilletos...
timothy dons the straitjacket...

          and for lack of a better word...
when the jazz comes on there's no one wearing
corsets - or anyone who has any stoicism
leftovers... no wise-up maxims no other
in-depth and later let's call it life...

       some call it lazy - some call it lounging -
some even dare call it
an ottoman safina in a harem -
because... that better things to kneel on
when there's a required: height difference...
i can't imagine it otherwise...
the jazz comes on and these words
become: a blob of custard imitating bubbles
as it bubbles away...

                      a stoic striptease of language...
some have it in them...
the raw edible parts that become
a steak tartar...
                          red garland anywhere
but here... a miles davis quintet
playing ascenseur pour l'échafaud...
lift to the gallows...

        it has become a terrible, a most terrible
regret of mine:
to be somewhat easy on the eyes
and having a firm belief in education...
too bad this ambitions doesn't
translate into mandarin and back...

not gifted with an a priori outsider status...
i have to compete for...
what my father didn't beat me...
but i do remember that one time
my mother taught my a thing or two
about leather and belt...
but that's a non-contest memory...
you need to be the christ
and the father is asking for you to be crucified
thus becoming the
greenwich mean-time for over 2000 years...

shove a lovecraftian god into the affair...
although i haven't read any of it,
what's the worst that could come out of...
language that will not end up
being scribbled onto a postcard...
or made into a conversation over beer...
it either has to bloat and bamboozle my ergo-ergo
into a pop:
stray bullets... clinging into unwashed
dog hairs dragging along...
sweeping the cemented tiles...

the smell of a wet dog...
    the minor affairs of washing cats...
the screetching and scratches...
biscuit for a moon - a bite into the scythe...
crumbling and slowly melting chocolate...

two engineers came to my house today...
i greeted them with:
i'm sorry... i forgot how to speak...
i can write this: can you take this umbrella
and braille?
         the t.v. was sorted: somewhat...
i'll still have to phone up and deal with
the nitty-gritty woodcrawlers...

              a testament to: how to writer an,
autobiography, any alternative to this...

           i'm going through my jazz phase...
i've had my blues phase...
                   even by my current standards of
laconic - i didn't write anything better...
i just imagine all those autobiographies
that manage to shorten the passing of a year
into a single paragraph...
then allow the ghost, and writer...
to swoon in and scoop up some other
minor detail to throw back into the juggling act
of... a passing of a minute...

chip-on-my-shoulder! that's what "they" call it!
being educated is probably my single most
biggie of a regret...
            should have learned **** outside of school...
it's almost a sin to have loved learning...
but i never learned to be a terrible person...
a con- and that suffix -artist...
which is bad from the get-go...

               here's to drinking and interludes
with a lazy bladder!
   or not drinking and pretending that hours don't
double when everyone else is alseep...
and quadruple when the cats are sleeping...

because these words could somehow become
an event - an informal get-together when
the suits and skeletons are where they should
be: closet bound... but no, again: but no...

some variation of diatribe ensues -
and whenever you get a chance to exfoliate...
to don language like peacock feathers...
like some second to Konrad von Wallenrode -
not the right history...
or not...         tare here: a tier above becoming
better tailored...
improv. sequentials...

smoking  cigarette... feels less... less of anything...
esp. less of anything health related...
when listening to someone... healthily blow
out a tune from a sax or a hornet's needle: a trumpet...
the smoke is just the salt & pepper of
adding to the mystique of a listener...

imitation of writing and painting...
the nervous composition - tapping tapping tapping...
in any case not a frivolous amount
of "something"...

                jackson ******* met...
nikita the cossack... and.... cubism was left to
a fate akin to christine chubbuck -
that infamous myth of the immediacy of death...
when you shoot yourself in the head:
unlike Kafka who prescribed -
stabbing yourself in the heart...
too bad for the urban-myth of the cockroach
dying of starvation when decapitated...

the great injustice:
Kafka asked for his books to be printed
to enlarged scribbles...
they enlarged Bukowski's writing seeing just
how... oh but so little...
i call this: the statement of the nag...
the nagging daughter of a father-in-law
that would never allow...
            circus of words...
they still print books by Kafka by people
who are expected to read braille...
while they print Bukowski's books
expecting his oeuvre to become that of a Dumas...

i'm about this close to catching moths
and sneezing bookmarkrs made from
a dollop of dust... fingerprints and all...

a recurrent "theme"...
akin to: perhaps he's wondering why someone
would walk him into an empty prison
cell... and shooting him in the back of the head...
if he wasn't expecting him to lie
in that cell for a forthnight to come!

to better respect the bass...
whether in guitar form or: that sucker for
the plucker and:
no one was expecting to explain
a bow readied for a cello to him...
so... that's jazz...

                           i'm no better or: not exactly
worse... whatever this is...
i keep an immaculate list of affairs when
it comes to the confines of a living space...
i own two cats but my house doesn't
smell anything related to the scent of their furr...
or their **** or: god forbid the scent of
cat ****... it really doesn't take away from
cat's **** even if the male is castrated...
apparently the pungency of feline male ****
is not related to them owning a pair
of testicles...
i learned that... when i started to *******
by the tender, ripe, age... of being
unable to produce any *****...
so much for the dot dot clues...
                                        spasms of spam...

gregory corso had the voice...
but unlike a bukowski...
he wasn't doing a stoic striptease for:
the most basic forward of minimalism...
the lottery... and what's "better"...
before the mirror and how one would
begin to fashion beards and distinguish
them from a moustache...
the mullet from the comb-over...
and the focus came in the shadow
rather than... the pale ghost of the mirror...
or the lake... before the mirror started
to shine its sheen: snake shedding its skin...
no leftover boots to walk in...

beside the bedtime 20th century ref. -
that there are "too many poets"...
not right now there aren't...
well... there's enough of the rhyming kindred...
but what i'm looking at is...

                what if i had a fine peach ***
to go with the whole: golem affair?
thank god! there's "not enough" of us...
wording misers... but there's plenty of...
dissected body-parts clinging to the mirrors...
i'm content...

one more for the jazz fetish...
     and no more for the otherwise...
the "king" dons dawn as this crown...
and the night for his shawl...

                    in a language that only children
will understand... or borderline with...
the image...
                there are scratchings on
the wood... some believe them to be
the schematic of a future table, or chair...

the interpolation of:
soul as synonym of breath...
                         plato's reincarnation...
it was once upon deemed a lowering
of the "caste" should a man be reborn as a woman...
plato's take on gender dysphoria...
idle words thrown against the wind...

i almost wish i were about to striptease
into a stoic with a marcus "bukowski" aurelius...
but my tongue starts licking
the peacock and...            i have to forget whether
i'm moderately read...
or whether i have read at all...

           come to think of it...
for those that despise doubt...
       i much appreciate this plethora of feeling...
it's almost akin to being in love...
a darker, love...
how can one live with two certainties in life?
one being the impeding death of all mortal
itches... and the other: per se negatio - i.e. negation?

to be in love is to fall in love with
teasing and with doubting...
            to be reminded of it is... a labyrinth
of ecstasy!
             faith and negation are just
extreme certainties...
science the paradigm...
           but doubt... the plethora to
hercules' hydra...
                                      queen of thought
and the mind stuck to a pole...
peddle the wavering quivers of the winds
united...

then again: my words are not needed for the many...
or the better excuse:
insubordinate failure of a man...
reaching a grandfather status and a...
jolly ol' christmas to boot!

children: that one most prized asset of excuse...
to every other subsequent fancy of
events either being: to one's expectation...
or... lacklustre... sodden with grief
to sink into the depths of a watery grave...
of not having met expectations
to have given "it": the original investement in!

we could almost... unanimously ascribe
ourselves to a forgiveable wanton of:
raised in a nunnery... raised in an orphanage...
raised without psychoanalysis
or gender dysphoria to mind...
raised feral...
                            oh me... and my current concern
for a jazz fetish.
Mateuš Conrad Jun 2022
i can tell you where the best place to listen to Bob Dylan is...
on a train... travelling from St. Petersburg to
Moscow... no other place like it... no other rendition
of Bob Dylan doing Bob(by) Dylan(d)...

just before starting my last shift there was
this girl that spotted me...
i had to go through about 3 security loopholes...
and there she stood...
bleached blonde? maybe... who cares...
although i'd love an auburn mingling with ginger
type...
my guess was: not from around here:
maybe just maybe: Bulgarian...

but she said those magical words: oh... i recognise
him... he can go through...
**** me... it almost felt like being back
in the schoolyard...
                she recognised me ergo:
she took a fancy to me prior this time and from
the first time she saw me...
back to basics... thank god i was only fished by
one social media company: when...
oh when... it felt sort of respectable...
being in university and what not... club(e) exclusive(h)...

of all the girls i ******... this one feels special...
she looks on par with my looks...
i'm not a "10" or an "7"...
more bruises from bicycle accidents: to "replace"
rather impose the aversion of having tattoos:
but still a full smile's worth of teeth:
ah... the dashing look...
         no no... this feels different...
she has this girlfriend appeal...
             men are pedantic sometimes...
some men are pedantic sometimes, some times...
she recognised me...
hell... she's not a stunner...
sure... **** her up a little and she's probably
an "8"... whatever the hell this entire scale
means...
  
       we weren't flirting... no...
but we're talking about working with several companies
and we're talking... circa... a workforce of
around 2000 people... plus... + that's big PLUS...
it varies...
oh... i recognise you...
   **** me... Hunt for the Red October...
i'm about to be sunk...
         i'm on the girl's radar...
                   with scars on face and arm i look
all the more dashing...

and she truly is... this pretty Jane...
this mundane yet i want to grow old with you
pretty Jane...
she's the sort of pretty that made me have
a flashback of making my first mix-tape
for my first girlfriend...
   when people used to make mix-tapes...
when people used to get influenced
by books like Nick Hornby's High Fidelity...

oh this girl is burning out my eyes out with
a memory of her face...
i've made a full ****** into listening
one of my favourite songs from youth...
Reef's: give me your love...
           i'm always going to be spontaneously
in love...
   not love: "love" i.e. via contracts and marriage
rituals... flimsy love... love straight out
of a brothel... funny sort of love...
the sort of love good girls scream and finger
themselves over when it comes
to music idols / icons akin to Elvis...
                        that sort of love...

               i love the idea of love...
i like the euphoria of the unknown forever unknown...
and i think of of those suppose Muslim
"martyrs": could these... colts...
command an authority of 72 virgins?
could they?
   i've had trouble with two prostitutes...
sure... when was ******* me off
while the other pretended i was a toddler
******* on her *******...

always in 3rd person... it's fun to watch...
but when you're engrossed in it...
do you really want one girl shoving her ******
into your face while the other is doing:
whatever it is she's going...
i need an exoskeleton for that to work...

i pride and prey on eyes... i need eye-contact...
i'm sort of Norman Bates-y... within the confines
of that regard...
i like snuggling... i like to scratch my fingertips
on bricks... on roughage prior to touching
flesh... licking oysters before gulping them
down, whole...
lemon juice or champagne?!
perhaps both...

                           might it even matter?!
i will but i won't text... what's her name
Khedra... are you... upset with me?!
no... i'll wait...
to hell with hallucinogenic drugs...
i just need more women...
let's do this menial work...
   let me earn money for prostitutes
to earn the money to spend...
i'm already sitting on money...
                i'm not bothered...
i don't need to play some investor's game...
i'll just toy with my beard like i'm
able to play the violin...
come come...

                    that's why i'm thinking about
the Muslim martyrs... could they...
really be... more than... dog-walkers anonymous?
it's pretty hard to feel a hard-on
when over-excited while being in the company
of two... esp. if one is overtly-talkative...
talk during *** is such a turn-off...
who needs "god" when you can
have the satan-onomatopoeia?

                            i really: don't: want: to: know!
talking during *** is like talking
when eating... eating with your mouth open...
it ruins the "plotline"...
it's a bad habit... it's something the pornographic
industry...
               "implanted"?...
   incorporated... all that who's your daddy /
      please don't make "mummy" cwy... is that:
even, Velsh?! eh?!

talk during *** is bothersome:
it's a turn-off!
      i need hungry eyes...
             i need... teddy-bears and innocence coupled
with a transcendence into adulthood
of a... repertoire of missing ******-angst...
when naked i do not require "god" as my witness...
esp. when my nakedness implies
there's another nakedness involved...

to tease at life and be unable to testify its fullness...
its completeness...
what a silly life to live... what a life
of jurisprudence... what an iron maiden
of the thesaurus...
   what a life of a lawyer...
what becomes true hurt comes from the core!
from (the) essence...
i too find language pliable...
  to my advantage: or no advantage... per se...

by now? there's no argument no counter-argument...
there's nothing beside the flow of time...
enough has happened...
and enough will happen still
for me to shrink into nothing
because the world has won...
the affairs of the world were always going
to overshadow my own prized assets
of "individuality"... like the hell that mattered...

moneta esse moneta:
     lapis esse lapis...
                        money is essentially money...
a stone is essentially a stone...
elephants and walnuts...
   n'est ce pas?!
    
   cura... facio ego?!
                do i care?!
                              let me think and blink...
cogitare et coniveo...
              
i'm so terrible at translating...
it's almost like i don't care what third party
is involved...
whether Russian, German, Greek or Ancient Latin...
because?! ha ha: i don't...
best mistakes: for others to pick up on...

vivo tractus... the tractat of life...
         principium vita et vita finis....
        
i own my "rights"...
          
apologies are excluded..
                     paenitemus.. sunt...

risprudence excusatus...
the difficulty of "managing" lingo...
             death, dearest,  mother...
i'll just wait..... i'll wait...
life is a pristine ****-show
to begin with...
i like waiting...
                    i very much...
like.. waiting... i'm a sadist at best...
i like... waiting... time = patience...
i like the comfort of pain being returned...
having waited... i like waiting...
no no.... you have no governance
over this...
i said i like waiting... this is an old...
disagreement...
        the kites are flying...
haven't you heard?!
         no?! better aim at giving into
investing into hearing aids!

i'll ******* scrutinise you to death!
i'll **** you like a ******* rampant hog!
**** with me... i'll... ha ha!
i'll explode! savvy??
     no... yoi still think i'm "faking"...

like watching pretty girls walking
on stilts rather than stilletos...
i like watching young girls walking with
Pakistani rapists...
because England... what England?!
matters?!
to hell with your racial safety net
****! *******!

i don't even care about these wonen!
i'm assured by the Russian "queens":
no... ****... you're not coming close!
i'll ******* eat your eat your head off!
you heard me, ****! i'll bite your head off!
or the Russians will!
either they will: or i will...
playground of Darwinism!

nice was nice...
until... now i'm siding with the Russians!
to hell with western sensibilities!
bite a ****'s head off!
Aditya Roy Jul 2019
Freewill and inane, it got me tin-men
In the mirrored men, the selfish shells, that claim destiny
With the clams holding pearls of presently precious
Haranguing, the steps of the bedroom
The holding to the embarrassing forum, the childhood climb
The ladder's a light away, and tunnel unfurling
Mirroring the world, cars that flash-by give me the senescence Simplicity is innocence, without the age
Homeless and heralding the jazz of the lost-ages, the last of us
Stilletos, tax-cabs culminating into one free-speech station, and dream theater
The electric relaxation and steely epicures are ringing like wood-wind instruments
Here is how, and I'm living too deep like the slippery silver morning
Fear is how we sleep, with the midnight spoon
Afraid of the dark, learning light can come in the next induced thought, in your nightmares
That's why I don't like questions that don't have answers, but, it's an honor to be questioned properly
Answers can be questioned, as long as they free your imagination
If you hold your success, you can hold imagination until the very last breath
Thinking about the inherent goodness and utility of that non-living thing
That opens to doors, that cannot be short of the theory
That's why I'm scared of my own beliefs because they test my desires
Fear is good when used for getting another word, silence.
That's the world without words, like Jupiter, and Mars
Far and apart from the Solar energy, but, part of the revolution
Towards the heaps of Asteroids, and heat of gaseous modes
In our humble abode, fluid like the water expanding like the gases
Our Universe, truly an immaculate conception, if we thought about myopic inception
Without sight, we created the World
The world without words works like the eye in the sky
Shine on you crazy sky, with the lucid perception of changing the sheen
Mateuš Conrad Feb 2020
under ciara... the moon trickles
itself as quicksilver onto
metal, wood, and brick...
a rare lacklustre being revived -
and given that there's
no paparazzi frost...
the cure would never become
the stone roses:
because (a) i wanna be adored
and (b) fool's gold...
sally cinnamon: prior to brit pop...
the moon dilutes and becomes...
less a choccie broad hiding frenzy
of the buds...
and more... when the light freezes
a mirror and becomes a waterfall...
it's not white, it's not grey...
it's silver, it's not silver...
it's a gesticulation of the most absent...
under ciara...
i have seen crows turn into priests...
and i have seen priests turn into crows...
while at the same time vacant...
nothing to sell but lamb-shanks...
while Edward would tip-toe and pretend:
i eve's wearing stilletos!

how's whittle britain: way-lay-aside the,
"lady"?
fetch me a rollie that was smoked...
then died... from snuggling to
an added breath... then bring me back
a cohibian st. juan of...
wet cigars... i want wet cigars...
tobacco so wet i will have to
chew and chow-mein it rather than...
smoke it...

prize? attempting to keep cool...
with a cat burdened with a moth...
that's not a moth but a furr-ball:
that's not a ball that's a quasi-bulimia...

this, of the many...
the most memorable storm to plague
england;
because "says so".

— The End —