"stabilizer" poems
Black, beautiful intuitive and strong
The matriarch the stabilizer the earth's backbone
From the beginning she excels determined to survive In her womb the seed of trillions through the ages she will provide
Unfazed by obstacles perpetual is her drive
Kings, Queens all royalty alike
are inherently in her blood line
Against all odds she presses on not a
moment does her love wane
She looks down through the annals of
time and realize she must maintain
Her aura of invincibility her spirit of
strong will Her disposition of I will
succeed regardless of the mountainous
hills She is black, bold and beautiful
her strength personified from birth
She is the matriarch, she is our mother
the backbone of the earth
Sep 25, 2014
Sep 25, 2014 at 2:00 PM UTC
I know you hide your thoughts
Behind smiles and comforting lies
You stare up at the ceiling
Your soul transparent through misty eyes
I can see your heavy burdens
Chaos swirling inside your mind
The air is cold with unspoken distance
Why can't you see I'm by your side?
It's clear that you have issues
Tormented by hidden demons
But you could self-medicate
By establishing human connections
Use me! Use me as your mood-stabilizer
To substitute underlying manic conditions
My kiss, to turn pain into pleasure
My body, your security blanket
In the depths of misperception
You try to convince me you're "okay"
Well baby, the things I would do
If only that were true
But through your bouts of crazy
I'll still be here
For you
Nov 21, 2012
Nov 21, 2012 at 2:38 PM UTC
Love is a drug.
It's a depressant, stimulant & hallucinagen.
Love is an anxiolytic & antipsychotic,
It's a mood stabilizer & antidepressant.
Love is the treatment for my instability.
So where is my psycho-pharmacologist?
Where's my script for rose-colored glasses?
Doesn't he see that I need my Klonopin;
My Zoloft is running low.
My Haldol is depleted & my Adderal is out.
I'm shaking with anxiety
My depression's dragging my down
To the depths I just escaped.
I'm seeing things that shouldn't be.
And I'm running in circles, too afraid to stop.
Where is my psycho-pharmacologist?
Why won't he give me my daily dose,
One simple touch to give me sanity?
Jan 15, 2012
Jan 15, 2012 at 12:25 PM UTC
Her veins have deteriorated
Narrowed and not ameliorated
With every pungent pulsating pump
Her quality of life she does expunge
To a beating that is crepuscular
And will gain no life from any stabilizer
It is bleeding desultory diaphanous crimson
Demoted by her own visceral volition
Until one day it ceases
As the walls to her capillaries deceases
Until a cardiologist by a different name
Imposes on her grotesque game
To replace these decrepit pathways
That does mellifluous passion decay
Until these capillaries are replaced
Through the bypass of an ethereal nature embraced
To heal such a slaughtered souls defeats
Until a her hearts ephemeral beats
Coalesce with the tranquil thundering
Of her shamans pulse
that dominates over her demons plundering.
Mar 19, 2014
Mar 19, 2014 at 1:14 AM UTC
When I was young and I did not sleep, my mother told me to count sheep one by one
Needless to say it didn't work
I still stayed up night after night terrified of what lurked in the dark on the streets
Even back then I knew of the monsters who were human: kidnappers, rapists, burglars
And as I got older, the doctors handed me pills
They told me: it'll make you tired, they'll help with your depression, it's for ADHD, ohh and don't forget your mood stabilizer, that'll make you better!
Yet, I spend night after endless night awake until early hours into the morning
I am no longer afraid of the kidnappers and rapists or burglars
I'm simply afraid of the demons that haunt the darkest spaces inside my mind
And so, I do not sleep
And I will not dream tonight
Apr 8, 2014
Apr 8, 2014 at 11:47 PM UTC
I'm a knock off brand of bipolar.
Prescribed with a mood stabilizer.
I shouldn't have to take pills to be normal.
Pills shouldn't be mixed with pills.
Side affects become the problem.
I'm a dammed race horse, spooked on a track when I see a stray piece of my own hair.
The walls and floor move because of my past addictions.
I can make myself sweat by only thinking it's too hot.
Protecting strangers just to protect.
I could take pills for that, but I'm sitting right here with my side affects.
Medication gives different perceptions.
Different life's to live, I'll just keep taking my dosage because I will not start over again.
Jul 19, 2014
Jul 19, 2014 at 8:26 PM UTC
For the lucky, a million chances are granted
before their first day sleeps.
Unnoticed - mostly unspoken to the
screaming, restless, 'just wont settle' infants -
they are to be carried on the shoulders of
protectors and handed down as time presents.
The chance to grow attached to that first teddy-bear.
The one in the attic with just one eye and
an off-white coat of the softest fur;
It holds all the heat from the nights you
nuzzled, before your imagination was clipped;
To wear your first little booties and
plod your first steps holding fingertips sky high;
To run headlong into the edge of a table
you could fit under but a day before;
To cry with your face scrunched up
and your eyes closed, mouth hanging ajar, after
falling from your bike;
And the chance to be embraced and told it will all
be okay by those same protectors, then handed another chance
with one less stabilizer.
Now let's replace the embrace with a thought -
For her;
Her protectors couldn't carry her chances.
When she awoke and filled her lungs
the chances handed down were a cold plastic bag and a
chance encounter with a passer by on the Steelstown Road:
Her chance at a first day, unnamed.
Given half a chance I would give her all of mine.
May 10, 2015
May 10, 2015 at 8:47 AM UTC
You are an additcion.
I wish I could kick the habit that is you
All you do is bring me more pain
More suffering
For a few hours of dopamine
I remember when you were the cure
When my chemistry was imbalanced
You were my stabilizer
Now, all you do is drag me down
Because you don't know
I'm too ******* hooked to let you go
I'm wasting away
Everyday I crave you're affection
But what's the point?
I'm not even in the span of your attention.
Mar 11, 2015
Mar 11, 2015 at 12:24 AM UTC
As the mood stabilizer took hold of her, the screen slid into place slowing the flow of tears. The nagging sadness was in the same spot it always was. Sitting somewhere between her heart and her soul. Waiting for the time to stop being released so it can get back to business as usual.
Jun 17, 2015
Jun 17, 2015 at 6:50 PM UTC
i take my mood stabilizer with my 3 pm coffee and ask her, politely, to be quiet for the remainder of the day. usually, she does not listen. i hear the pester of hums while i am trying to tie my shoelaces, or while i am trying to wash the sleep out of my hair, or while i am trying to listen to my voicemails. i feel a tap on my shoulder that caresses me in a way that tells me i need to run. i hide beneath the covers. i feel the twinge of guilt in the pit of my stomach. if i cannot see her, she cannot see me. i send her up in smoke, i hug myself soundly so that my heartbeat doesn't fall out of my skin. she makes her way into my conversations. she threatens the way my lips part when i kiss. she pries my fingers from his and sends me to my room without dinner. i wake up in a cold sweat and reach for the growing empty space beside me. i am desperate. she tells me i am playing make-believe with my worry. i am desperate. i take my mood stabilizer with my 4 pm coffee and ask her, politely, to be quiet and she does not listen and she does not listen and she does not listen
Jul 18, 2018
Jul 18, 2018 at 3:29 PM UTC
Breathe,
Please for the sake of your heart.
Stop yelling!
Stop digging your grave deeper.
He wouldn’t hear, even if I spoke louder than his anger.
The frustration is building.
His fear, his brokenness.
A man tortured by an illness
A life not lived,
a person not changed.
From the bottle
to the cigarette
to the stabilizer
Fifteen year chip and he’s still the same
A woman helpless to helping him
“What did I do she always asks?”
As if she is to blame for his outbursts
his anger that covers his depression and regret
She’s not a victim, she has a family that supports her
If she could find the strength after thirty years
Married under a church and steeple, for best or for worst
Well what about her best? her Worst?
What about his decaying health?
Someone just walk away
Is there anything worth saving?
Besides themselves?
Mar 31, 2018
Mar 31, 2018 at 8:43 AM UTC