"squidward" poems
Supposedly too much television will rot your brain away
BUT... you can 't believe what everyone may say
KERMIT told us it ain't easy being green
TAYLOR SWIFT taught us people can be trouble & really mean
SEBASTIAN the CRAB told us it is better down where it is wetter
CINDERELLA taught us that eventually things will get better
SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS told us over & over he's READY! he's READY!
THE TORTOISE taught us that being quick may not always work
KAYNE WEST taught us people are rude, interrupting, annoying & huge jerks
MR KRABS taught us some people are money hungry & greedy
LINDSAY LOHAN taught us some people are attention needy
DORA THE EXPLORER taught us to live our life as an adventure & go explore
SWIPER taught us to always go for more
SQUIDWARD taught us not everyone has happiness to share
PATRICK STAR taught us that some people's heads are filled with air
PLANKTON taught us that you can never give up on reaching your goal
ALICE's curiosity taught us don't chase white rabbits with pocket watches down their hole
PETER PAN taught us to live carefree & have no worries at all
HORTON taught us that a person is a person no matter how small
THE LORAX taught us to take care of our trees
SNOW WHITE taught us that there maybe more than what the eye sees
TOMMY PICKLES taught us sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do
THE GRINCH taught us that deep down inside, the cruel have hearts too
NEMO'S DAD MARLIN taught us you can't protect people from all & or any danger
BARNEY taught us not to talk to a stranger
TIMONE & PUMBA taught us "HAKUNA MATATA"
LILO & STITCH taught us no one gets left behind or forgotten, that is "OHANA"
SOUTH PARK taught us not to give a **** & some friends can be a huge ****** BAG
JUSTIN BIEBER taught us what isn't "SWAG"
STEWIE taught us that even if you're talking not everyone is listening
NELLY taught us that not everywhere has air conditioning "HOT IN HERRE"
DOROTHY taught us is you want to go home just click your heels three times & repeat "THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE HOME"
SOUTH PARK'S TWEAK taught us that your underwear get stolen by the underwear gnomes
So much we've unknowingly managed to obtain
secretly stored in our brain
celebrities, songs, shows & even cartoons have taught us a lot
& that's what life lessons are all about
little hidden lessons & messages everywhere
& completely unaware you pass it on & share
Aug 17, 2015
Aug 17, 2015 at 4:00 AM UTC
Spongebob Squarepants
.--..--..--..--..--..--.
.' \ ('._ (_) _ \
.' | '._) (_) |
\ _.')\ .----..---. /
|(_.' | / .-\-. \ |
\ 0| | ( O| O) | o|
| _ | .--.____.'._.-. |
\ (_) | o -' .-' |
| \ |'-._ _ _ _ _\ /
\ | | '. |_||_| |
| o | \_ \ | -. .-.
|.-. \ '--..-' O | '.'-' .'
_.' .' | '-.-' /-.__ ' .-'
.' '-.' '.|='=.='=.='=.='=|._/_ '-'.'
'-._ '. |________/\_____| '-.'
.' ).| '=' '='\/ '=' |
'._.' '---------------'
//___\ //___\
|| ||
LGB ||_.-. ||_.-.
(_.--__) (_.--__)
Squidward
.--'''''''''--.
.' .---. '.
/ .-----------. \
/ .-----. \
| .-. .-. |
| / \ / \ |
\ | .-. | .-. | /
'-._| | | | | | |_.-'
| '-' | '-' |
\___/ \___/
_.-' / \ '-._
.' _.--| |--._ '.
' _...-| |-..._ '
| |
'.___.'
| |
_| |_
/\( )/\
/ ' ' \
| | | |
'-' '-'
| | | |
| | | |
| |-----| |
.'/ | | |/'.
| | | |
'._.'| .-. |'._.'
\ | /
| | |
| | |
| | |
/| | |\
.'_| | |_'.
LGB '. | | | .'
. / | \ .
/o'.-' / \ '-.'o\
/o o\ .' '. /o o\
'.___.' '.___.'
Jun 4, 2018
Jun 4, 2018 at 9:43 AM UTC
I love you more than Holden loves Allie's glove
I love you more than the Doctor loved Rose
I love you more than Cosmo loved Wanda
I love you more than Squidward wanted to be alone
I love you more than Mr. Krabs loves money
I love you more than Gerard loves Lindsey
I could go on, but there's no point
Nothing can compare to how much you mean to me
You stupid twit.
Nov 7, 2013
Nov 7, 2013 at 9:10 PM UTC
Before you judge me, Let me tell you my life story
I sure hope its not boring
In middle school
i was the little fool
getting beat up in the bathroom for being to critical
What, you think my remarks are too cynical
Hey squidward tentacles, you got a big nose, want me to break it
no you must be mistaken
so they beat me up and striped me naked, and left me shaking
thank god they left my clothes in the next stall
woulda been pretty awkward walking **** in the hall
But this was just the fall, haven't mentioned winter or spring at all
So from sixth to eighth grade you could see the bruises on my face
from where those jerks tried to tell me that that was their place
one day in art class i was painting on the paper
when some guy sitting behind me shot me with a stapler
Now if my mind had been stabler I woulda let it slide
but i was crazy back then so i tried to fight
punched em in the head, he musta been high
cuz he didn't flinch at all not a single inch
he grabbed me by my hair and threw me down
started punching me in the face like a ticked off Chris Brown
Now there is nothing you can do to wipe off this frown
Ive been a sociopath ever since that day
Mar 5, 2014
Mar 5, 2014 at 8:00 PM UTC
I’ve been hauling a lot of baggage lately,
And they strike me as quite useless.
It’s like how Patrick brought a suitcase full of rocks
To the Krusty Tower just so that he’d have
Something to bring to the hotel
With a useless employee elevator.
The things we carry around with us
Are a lot like that—unnecessary
Backbreakers that threaten to unhinge us.
And days like this make me feel like Squidward:
Stuffy nose, heavy suction cups for feet.
Days like this make me want
To sit down.
Days like this make my food taste like they’ve
All been covered in cheese, toenail clippings,
And nose hair, which by the way reminds me—
“We shall never deny a guest,
“Even the most ridiculous request.”
(Days like this only lasts an episode.)
(Which is like, thirty minutes.)
(So keep going.)
Aug 29, 2014
Aug 29, 2014 at 11:40 AM UTC
To Tyler,
My bestest friend of all these years of developing youth and developing adult,
I will you my rifle. Produced under scrutiny, post-war, blued by Chinese furnaces and inspected by communist advisers. I assign this to you my friend in hope that you will recognize more in this object than its role in my suicide. Guns are not the enemy, only the tool. The tool of my execution carried out by the enemy, Our world. And Our society. And Our suffering.
This rifle, my prize. Is accurate. And powerful. And a threat to 5 lives at a time. A symbol of my free will, dissolved into the blood stains and skull fragments laced on its finely carved wooden stock.
In my life, I had loaned to you this talisman of my depression,
But now, in the wake of my death, you will see the weight of my previous actions. My prolonging of life and effort to resolve the suffering and dread I endure.
Tyler. ******* T-Swens. Sweeny Todd. Squidward. Twizzler. Squib.
Many names you have been known by myself and our peers, but erasing human choice and force, you have been known to me and my soul as a Savior of myself for far too long. You have been Beacon for my hope, Home to my catharsis, Shelter to my heart and Medic to my wounds. I love you as most one person can love another without supporting the same roof with the pillars of our spines. I love you as a brother and friend and father and son and twin soul and caring teacher and patient keeper. We are two peas as they say. We finish each other's thoughts. We read the same material and play the same games and breathe the same circles and eat the same vocabulary and sneeze the same curses.
Like two strings of ivy, supporting one another as they grow and twirl. We fight each other in attempts to suffocate our foefriend, at the same time as relying on our friendfoe for the support to grow higher and steal more light. I love you my ivy brother. And I apologize for everything.
Please do not take my death too hard. Mourn and grieve and move on. I was not a cinder block for your foundation. I was a twin building. Of sister architecture and of sister glasswork. We stood for not one score before my sore soul was stole by this full world. You will stand further. And I admire you for it, as much as I pity you for having to endure this slow acid rain and littering of broken cans and smoke rings.
Rest in peace for me, because there is no rest in death, you know this.
- Marshall. Jackledead. Pompous and loud ******* and drama queen. Forever friend.
Oct 31, 2016
Oct 31, 2016 at 6:33 AM UTC
Oh sorry—
I was just in the middle
of composing my SpongeBob SquarePants opera.
I am almost halfway done.
At this point, I think I’m going to cast
Alanis Morissette as Squidward Tentacles.
However, I am still not sure
if her voice can
handle the E flat
in the closing song.
Even with that, one cannot
ignore the sheer power
and vitality of Morrisette’s
vocals. In her songs,
Morrisette creates
a sense of remarkable vagueness.
In my mind, this is exactly
what Squidward Tentacles attempts
to accomplish in his
clarinet work.
Apr 7, 2017
Apr 7, 2017 at 1:24 PM UTC
Courtesy food pantries
Saint Eleanor's Saint Mary's,
Our Daily Bread,
the missus and yours truly (her spouse)
well stocked with good n plenti of
soap, shampoo and detergent.
Spongebob squarepants
would be in seventh heaven,
where sudsy clouds (resembling
Mister Krabs, Plankton,
Sandy Cheeks, Squidward, et cetera),
would drift across celestial vault.
Gratitude bequeathed to prophets of virtue
benevolent good samaritans
who trend righteous true
to the calling of helping hands who renew
faith (mine) in goodness of humanity
assisting not only yours truly
and the missus, but people
from South American country named Peru
or even indigenous tribes
accorded recognition comprising
population of inhabitants occupying New
Zealand, offered reparations
under the Treaty of Waitangi,
a process of reparation allowed
Maori to be fully recognized
at political level in lieu
of unfair practices inflicted upon
original occupant loosely similar
to descendents of long lost tribes of Israel,
endowed with (pure tin) pride
wishing I too could call myself proud Jew,
nevertheless attraction manifests destiny
(mine) someday to learn Hebrew.
Courtesy atheism more so Unitarianism,
I need not adopt
an explicit dogmatic, fanatic, humanistic...,
lunatic, narcissistic, puritanic... paradigm,
but only tout poetic justice (mine)
to recognize laudable traits
linkedin to orthodox faiths,
albeit rationalistic rubric
that caters to selflessness
for no other reason
than allowing, enabling, and promoting
random acts of kindness
without any forthcoming great expectation
downplaying remuneration,
no matter destitution begot mein kampf
hard times living within bleak house
slight hyperbolic exaggeration
poor as a cheesy church mouse poet.
Lemme coast to a fitting conclusion
bringing reasonable rhyming blather
originating courtesy me noggin,
within which wool doth gather
thus I a halt and
dial down philosophical lather,
cuz most likely
ye dear reader would rather
experience palmolive oil slather
preparatory to full body massage.
Dec 16, 2021
Dec 16, 2021 at 8:39 PM UTC