"squarepants" poems
Supposedly too much television will rot your brain away
BUT... you can 't believe what everyone may say
KERMIT told us it ain't easy being green
TAYLOR SWIFT taught us people can be trouble & really mean
SEBASTIAN the CRAB told us it is better down where it is wetter
CINDERELLA taught us that eventually things will get better
SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS told us over & over he's READY! he's READY!
THE TORTOISE taught us that being quick may not always work
KAYNE WEST taught us people are rude, interrupting, annoying & huge jerks
MR KRABS taught us some people are money hungry & greedy
LINDSAY LOHAN taught us some people are attention needy
DORA THE EXPLORER taught us to live our life as an adventure & go explore
SWIPER taught us to always go for more
SQUIDWARD taught us not everyone has happiness to share
PATRICK STAR taught us that some people's heads are filled with air
PLANKTON taught us that you can never give up on reaching your goal
ALICE's curiosity taught us don't chase white rabbits with pocket watches down their hole
PETER PAN taught us to live carefree & have no worries at all
HORTON taught us that a person is a person no matter how small
THE LORAX taught us to take care of our trees
SNOW WHITE taught us that there maybe more than what the eye sees
TOMMY PICKLES taught us sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do
THE GRINCH taught us that deep down inside, the cruel have hearts too
NEMO'S DAD MARLIN taught us you can't protect people from all & or any danger
BARNEY taught us not to talk to a stranger
TIMONE & PUMBA taught us "HAKUNA MATATA"
LILO & STITCH taught us no one gets left behind or forgotten, that is "OHANA"
SOUTH PARK taught us not to give a **** & some friends can be a huge ****** BAG
JUSTIN BIEBER taught us what isn't "SWAG"
STEWIE taught us that even if you're talking not everyone is listening
NELLY taught us that not everywhere has air conditioning "HOT IN HERRE"
DOROTHY taught us is you want to go home just click your heels three times & repeat "THERE IS NO PLACE LIKE HOME"
SOUTH PARK'S TWEAK taught us that your underwear get stolen by the underwear gnomes
So much we've unknowingly managed to obtain
secretly stored in our brain
celebrities, songs, shows & even cartoons have taught us a lot
& that's what life lessons are all about
little hidden lessons & messages everywhere
& completely unaware you pass it on & share
Aug 17, 2015
Aug 17, 2015 at 4:00 AM UTC
Spongebob Squarepants
.--..--..--..--..--..--.
.' \ ('._ (_) _ \
.' | '._) (_) |
\ _.')\ .----..---. /
|(_.' | / .-\-. \ |
\ 0| | ( O| O) | o|
| _ | .--.____.'._.-. |
\ (_) | o -' .-' |
| \ |'-._ _ _ _ _\ /
\ | | '. |_||_| |
| o | \_ \ | -. .-.
|.-. \ '--..-' O | '.'-' .'
_.' .' | '-.-' /-.__ ' .-'
.' '-.' '.|='=.='=.='=.='=|._/_ '-'.'
'-._ '. |________/\_____| '-.'
.' ).| '=' '='\/ '=' |
'._.' '---------------'
//___\ //___\
|| ||
LGB ||_.-. ||_.-.
(_.--__) (_.--__)
Squidward
.--'''''''''--.
.' .---. '.
/ .-----------. \
/ .-----. \
| .-. .-. |
| / \ / \ |
\ | .-. | .-. | /
'-._| | | | | | |_.-'
| '-' | '-' |
\___/ \___/
_.-' / \ '-._
.' _.--| |--._ '.
' _...-| |-..._ '
| |
'.___.'
| |
_| |_
/\( )/\
/ ' ' \
| | | |
'-' '-'
| | | |
| | | |
| |-----| |
.'/ | | |/'.
| | | |
'._.'| .-. |'._.'
\ | /
| | |
| | |
| | |
/| | |\
.'_| | |_'.
LGB '. | | | .'
. / | \ .
/o'.-' / \ '-.'o\
/o o\ .' '. /o o\
'.___.' '.___.'
Jun 4, 2018
Jun 4, 2018 at 9:43 AM UTC
SpongeBob SquarePants is an American animated television series created by marine biologist and animator Stephen Hillenburg for Nickelodeon. The series chronicles the adventures and endeavors of the title character and his various friends in the fictional underwater city of Bikini Bottom. The series' popularity has made it a media franchise, as well as Nickelodeon network's highest rated show, and the most distributed property of MTV Networks. The media franchise has generated $8 billion in merchandising revenue for Nickelodeon.
Many of the ideas for the series originated in an unpublished, educational comic book titled The Intertidal Zone, which Hillenburg created in the mid-1980s. He began developing SpongeBob SquarePants into a television series in 1996 upon the cancellation of Rocko's Modern Life, and turned to Tom Kenny, who had worked with him on that series, to voice the titular character. SpongeBob was originally to be named SpongeBoy, and the series was to be called SpongeBoy Ahoy!, but these were changed, as the name was already trademarked.
The series was previewed on Nickelodeon in the United States on May 1, 1999, following the television airing of the 1999 Kids' Choice Awards, and officially premiered on July 17, 1999. It has received worldwide critical acclaim since its premiere and gained enormous popularity by its second season. The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie, a feature-length film adaptation, was released in theaters on November 19, 2004, and a sequel is currently in production, with a projected release date of February 13, 2015. On July 21, 2012, the series was renewed and aired its ninth season, beginning with the episode "Extreme Spots".[2][3]
Despite its widespread popularity, the series has been involved in several public controversies, including one centered around speculation over SpongeBob SquarePants' intended ****** orientation. The series has been nominated for a variety of different awards, including 17 Annie Awards (with six wins), 17 Golden Reel Awards (with eight wins), 15 Emmy Awards (with one win), 13 Kids' Choice Awards (with 12 wins), and four BAFTA Children's Awards (with two wins). In 2011, a newly described species of mushroom, Spongiforma squarepantsii, was named after the cartoon's title character.
Apr 28, 2014
Apr 28, 2014 at 4:22 PM UTC
Am I doing something wrong?
Who am I REALLY?
I think I'm right.
I know I'm wrong.
My true love seems about as real as Spongebob Squarepants.
Did you think he's real??
Sorry...
But he's not.
Can somebody find ME somebody to love?
No?
Yes?
Nooo...????
YES!?!?
MAKE UP YOUR MIND ******
Maybe he is real?
Where is he?
Right in front of me?
Behind me?
Way ahead of me?
I wish he was beside me....
I don't want to be alone...
But maybe that's all I can do...
Or maybe that person is YOU! O.o
Nov 12, 2010
Nov 12, 2010 at 8:33 AM UTC
~
Gumby, Wood Woodpecker and Me
~
somewhere in the mother lode
of a thousand poems scripted,
lies a pen-pained tribulation, an old ode,
to the taming of the shrew,
the shock and awe of my new born,
slept-on hair mode
Ogdiddy,
she says,
rise up quick!
thy self to the mirror dispatch,
see what god hath wrought
upon thy head this brand new morn
blessed am I,
at this late stage,
in posses of a
goodly and shocking amount
of hair au naturel
each of my body's parts has a mind of its own,
my hairs, each one a different opinion and resultantly
an amazing new creation born come dawn
sometimes straight up like Gumby
she quips,
sometimes a shocking tail to one side
in the style of one Woody Woodpecker,
she mockingly cries!
and on and on each daily
a new cartoon characterization proposition,
until one day in feigned wrath I do reply
*just you wait Mrs. Higgins, just you wait,
you will rue the day my do
will be best described and descried by you
as akin to that of one known as
SpongeBob SquarePants*
May 13, 2017
May 13, 2017 at 9:01 AM UTC
[Life]
I
A man with no shoes
walks by with a limp.
His arms -
covered
in tattoos
and scars -
are lethargic
by choice.
The biting
winter sun
delivers respite
from late December
northerlies.
He reeks of Franzia.
Redolent, it shadows
him, haunts
him like what he drinks
to forget.
His unkempt white beard
is stained yellow
around the mouth
from years of cigarettes
and no-shave Novembers.
He dons a jacket
- faded glory -
that is two sizes too small
and his pants stay together
like a couple for their kids.
Too proud to join
the Salvation Army
on Christmas Eve,
he finds his bench,
lies down
and survives
one
more
night.
II
A man in a suit
drives home in an Audi.
His collar
is stained
with cheap lipstick
and Chateau Lagrange
from last night's
late night meetings.
Angie, his wife,
waits anxiously
at the door
of their four bedroom,
three and a half bath
Victorian.
Her eyes -
still puffy
and red -
fixated up Swann St.
She is not blinking
and barely breathing.
The kids
have been sent to Grandma's
for the night.
They watch TV -
SpongeBob SquarePants.
The Audi
drives by a man on a bench
He looks asleep -
possibly dead.
The suit inside thinks to himself:
“That poor man.”
Nov 29, 2010
Nov 29, 2010 at 9:33 AM UTC
Oh krabby patty
Meals I've eaten since my days of milk tooth
Now
In these square pants drawers
Trying to hide the bones caused by those bottoms in bikini I can't believe
I'm still into you SpongeBob Squarepants
This is a very cheesy poem
Aug 29, 2015
Aug 29, 2015 at 1:55 PM UTC
She walked outside to get a breath of fresh air
She saw that there was snow on the ground
But she didn't have a jacket on
Just a skirt
With nylon leggings
The wind started to blow
And she felt the snow
Blow her around
And then it stopped
She shut the door
And went back inside
She walked over to the computer
And sat down in a wooden chair
And kind of shivered a little
As the snow was melting on her hair
She moved her head back and forth really quickly
And shaked the snow off of her hair
I don't look pretty
she giggled
She kind of smoothed out her hair
With her hands
And curled it around her fingertips
Then she felt kinda hungry
And left her chair
And started sliding a little
She got to the refrigerator door
She looked around
And there was a mountain dew
Yeah
She turned around quickly
And was spinning
And got a little dizzy
She drank her mountain dew
And burped
I'm drunk
She staggered back to the wooden chair
And set her pop by the computer
Which she's not suppose to do
But always does anyways
Hmmm
Hmmm
Hmm
Hmm
Hmmm
Hmm
Hmm
Hmm
Hmm
She clicked on a video on youtube
And clicked out really quick
And made a sour face and squinted
She typed something else in
She looked down the screen
Scrolled down
Double clicked
Waiting for it to load
Clicked out
Didn't load
She kinda got a little upset
And grabbed her mountain dew
Got up from the computer
And smashed her knees against the stupid computer thingy
Spilled a little mountain dew on her skirt
Whatever
She grabbed her mountain dew
Held it by the inner tab
And spun around slowly
Didn't cut herself
Spinned around again
Heart racing
Didn't cut herself
Slowly took her pointer finger out
And started drinking again
She walked into the living room
Going
Hmmm
Hmmm
Hmmm
Hmmm
Hmmm
Hmmm
Hmmm
Hmm
Sat down on the couch
With her kitten in the kitchen
By the computer
She turned the tv on
And watched spongebob squarepants
It was in the middle of the episode where mermaid man was saying
Evil
Eeeeevil
She just sipped her mountain dew quickly
And didn't swallow it right away
Then she rubbed her feet against the ground
And her kitten
Hopped away from the kitchen
And waited by her feet
She looked down
Made a face
And placed her foot on top of her kitty's head
And the kitten backed off and bumped into the tv
While the episode of spongebob was still playing
She changed the channel
Started kicking her feet
Back and forth
Without touching the ground
She looked outside
And the snow was blowing harder
So she got off of the coach
Opened the door
And felt the snow blow against her skin again
She shivered again
Shut the door
Shaked her head
Brushed down her hair
Ran into the kitchen
Then ran back upstairs
To her room
Turned around
And the kitten was at the bottom of the steps
She shut the door quickly
Fell to the ground
And looked under the door
And saw the kitten
She came close to the door
And pawed at it a little
Then hopped back down stairs
On the last step
Tumbled
She's left alone a lot
That's why she's so strange
She felt her stomach make a hungry noise
She was craving tacos
I wonder if there's any leftover tacos from yesterday in the fridge
She walks downstairs
Slides to the fridge
Kitten hops away
She opens the door
Nothing
She shuts the door
Slides back to the computer
Sat down
And started to feel really bored
Then got out of the chair
Walked over to the door
And felt it with her hand
Without opening it
It was cold out
Dec 8, 2014
Dec 8, 2014 at 5:47 PM UTC
Ever snorted *******
I watched some partiers snort ******* last night,
in a dark, Manhattan nightclub corner celebration.
But I’ve never crossed that line. The white line.
When offered some, with unctuous camaraderie,
I shrugged and said, “No, sorry, I’m allergic.”
What are you supposed to say, “Crack is whack,”
or “I prefer my coke with *** and ice?”
The white line. I don’t cross the line.
It’s not the first time, of course, I saw more drugs
in high school than I have at Yale. I’ve mostly seen
“study drugs,” there, like provigil, adderall and alza (concerta).
Do they give students an advantage? I don’t know, maybe.
Call me a boxcut or a squarepants, but my parents are doctors,
and I just don’t cross those lines - those little white lines.
May 10, 2023
May 10, 2023 at 7:51 PM UTC
Just in case,
you know,
just filling you in,
a word in your ear,
having a little
mention
& such,
Muslims breathe air,
like snacks,
wear clothes,
bite into apples,
make babies,
just like us.
Some like soccer,
Monopoly,
Spongebob Squarepants,
even going for
a short walk,
actually
just
like us.
They too marvel
at the starry night sky,
caress soft fur,
love their children,
read books,
like music,
which is
just
like us.
The fact
this needs
pointing out,
is a tragedy
of such proportion
that my poem
just ends
right
here …
Feb 27, 2017
Feb 27, 2017 at 10:49 PM UTC
soon enough
i'll grow out of spongebob squarepants
in exchange for sponge baths
and square framed reading glasses.
Oct 24, 2013
Oct 24, 2013 at 10:58 PM UTC
My Spongebob Squarepants boxers
Scrunch up the sides of my legs
And the ****** hole won't close
So my junk rubs my zipper
But I can't bring myself to throw them out.
Aug 29, 2014
Aug 29, 2014 at 9:50 AM UTC
Oh sorry—
I was just in the middle
of composing my SpongeBob SquarePants opera.
I am almost halfway done.
At this point, I think I’m going to cast
Alanis Morissette as Squidward Tentacles.
However, I am still not sure
if her voice can
handle the E flat
in the closing song.
Even with that, one cannot
ignore the sheer power
and vitality of Morrisette’s
vocals. In her songs,
Morrisette creates
a sense of remarkable vagueness.
In my mind, this is exactly
what Squidward Tentacles attempts
to accomplish in his
clarinet work.
Apr 7, 2017
Apr 7, 2017 at 1:24 PM UTC
I am afraid to end this poem
The year comes to a close too shortly
I fear it is an ominous omen
That I will sparsely remember fondly.
I have been alive nearly two decades,
And in 2020, I turn 19:
To find myself wandering Cascades
Pondering to see what I glean.
But I foolishly plead to have this be my year, our year.
Not a year of the pig but a year of the horse’s glory.
That we shall premier or fear to be sincere.
This is our story to be told in our oratory.
This is my final year, my undying year,
My undying fear, felt itself tense up,
When they demanded I take a career
In speculating the woes of grown ups
I deride my festooning derision
On the chains of Putin and the Zuck,
And they have not swayed my sick decision
To reminisce on our gnarly luck,
Because I find that Spongebob Squarepants taught
values of persistent positivity.
To blow bubbles at an askance onslaught,
Grit buck teeth in the maw of adversity.
I watched a nostalgic minecraft parody.
A three part series about maturity.
It powerfully displayed our legacy.
Captainsparklez made it for our posterity.
I planted my last tomato seeds
In the brackish mounds of my garden,
To return aged with a great many deeds,
With cash for the deed to my Tarpan steed.
I hope four years don’t saddle me with debt
Or wandering an infernal Lethe
With a briquette of burning, licking sweat
Tied to me, it exhausts me of slipping breath
I hope that I may make my living death
towards the hopes I lay my head to rest:
January 1st, may this year be blessed.
Dec 17, 2019
Dec 17, 2019 at 10:51 PM UTC
studious skinny scruffy scribe
Scathing, scolding, screaming,
scorning, searing, sniggering,
sociopathic sarin soaked skewed
squirt, sputtering, squawking, sleepily
staggering, stabbing, swaggering
sweltering sadistic, sarcastic,
savage, systemically systematically
stigmatized, supersized saber sharp
schick shaving, shunned, sabotaged,
scarred, scorched, smote, sanguine,
stippled, speckled schizophrenic
sensibility, spurring, seething,
somewhat stultified, sophisticated,
spellbound spirited scabrous
schlemiel schlemazel, stenciled,
sundered sniveling sanguine storied
snakebitten sojourning ********
skeptical shoddy sophomoric
screwball, subtly sagacious,
stunted, sclerotic, scrappily
shuffling short, Shylock
styled sideburns Semite,
sainted Shasta sipping
shriveled sad sack,
sullenly syncopated, synthesized,
slobbering sybaritic, scruffy
sheepish sketchy scalawag,
Socratically scrutinizing, seizure
stricken, stoically sneezing,
shamed Skidrow skeezer, shifty,
sweaty, sham shaman,
supremely spidery, schmaltzy,
sylan seeking subsidized succor,
self shuttered, sequestered,
sidelined, shiftless, shabby,
semantically snazzy, soldiering,
shrieking, skulking, somber,
stooping, Segway scootering,
schmart spendthrift, Swahili
speaking, straitlaced, streamlined,
spongebobbing, sandal shod
sealegs, squarepants sporting
spectacles, sedate, sensate,
sentient, ship shaped,
shanghaied, salubrious,
slithering, snakish, stuttering,
sluggish, smashface scarred,
sober, solitary, sangfroid
skidamarink singing, Shamokin
speaking scrivener, scuzzy,
spunky, starved, submissively
suicidal, sunburned,
salaried shuffling senescent
snoutish soundcloud shutterflying
snapchatting schnorrer.
Sep 1, 2019
Sep 1, 2019 at 4:32 PM UTC
Courtesy food pantries
Saint Eleanor's Saint Mary's,
Our Daily Bread,
the missus and yours truly (her spouse)
well stocked with good n plenti of
soap, shampoo and detergent.
Spongebob squarepants
would be in seventh heaven,
where sudsy clouds (resembling
Mister Krabs, Plankton,
Sandy Cheeks, Squidward, et cetera),
would drift across celestial vault.
Gratitude bequeathed to prophets of virtue
benevolent good samaritans
who trend righteous true
to the calling of helping hands who renew
faith (mine) in goodness of humanity
assisting not only yours truly
and the missus, but people
from South American country named Peru
or even indigenous tribes
accorded recognition comprising
population of inhabitants occupying New
Zealand, offered reparations
under the Treaty of Waitangi,
a process of reparation allowed
Maori to be fully recognized
at political level in lieu
of unfair practices inflicted upon
original occupant loosely similar
to descendents of long lost tribes of Israel,
endowed with (pure tin) pride
wishing I too could call myself proud Jew,
nevertheless attraction manifests destiny
(mine) someday to learn Hebrew.
Courtesy atheism more so Unitarianism,
I need not adopt
an explicit dogmatic, fanatic, humanistic...,
lunatic, narcissistic, puritanic... paradigm,
but only tout poetic justice (mine)
to recognize laudable traits
linkedin to orthodox faiths,
albeit rationalistic rubric
that caters to selflessness
for no other reason
than allowing, enabling, and promoting
random acts of kindness
without any forthcoming great expectation
downplaying remuneration,
no matter destitution begot mein kampf
hard times living within bleak house
slight hyperbolic exaggeration
poor as a cheesy church mouse poet.
Lemme coast to a fitting conclusion
bringing reasonable rhyming blather
originating courtesy me noggin,
within which wool doth gather
thus I a halt and
dial down philosophical lather,
cuz most likely
ye dear reader would rather
experience palmolive oil slather
preparatory to full body massage.
Dec 16, 2021
Dec 16, 2021 at 8:39 PM UTC