I put some money into a vending machine
I was in the mood for a soft drink
A man about my age was staring at me
I didn't quite know what to think
He walked up to me and said
"Do you realize you just paid 5 euros for that?"
"Is that too much?" I asked
He shook his head yes and chuckled
Feeling so embarrassed
I began to walk away
When he said out loud "Wait!"
He took some keys out of his pocket
and opened up the machine
He gave me back the money I was owed
I told him "You didn't have to do that"
He replied "I know that but I wanted to"
then he kindly smiled

We sat waiting for the bus
as we fell into conversation
He asked me if I was American
I told him that I was
"How are you liking Bristol?" he asked "Is it everything you imagined it to be?"
"Actually no" I answered "It's better than I imagined it."
We conversed about my stay here
I told him I was here visiting a friend
He admitted that he wished he would have met me sooner
because I seemed like an interesting gal
We ended up going for a walk
stopping for a break at St George Skatepark
He asked me if I was looking forward to going back home
I told him that I wasn't
"All you ever hear about is London, Manchester and many others city's
people think those are the only places in England worth getting to know
After being here in Bristol for this entire week
I have falling in love with this place and it will break my heart to go."

After a few seconds of silence he said "Then don't go. Marry me and you won't have to go."
"That is illegal" I replied back in shock
"Not if we never divorce" he said very seriously
"I don't even know you. I met you an hour ago" I said still in shock
"Alright" he told me taking a seat on the ground "Here is what you need to know
I am a bit messy, in fact I am a major slob
however I feel that after living with a woman for some time
that bad habit will eventually stop
I am a huge breakfast person
I could eat breakfast all day
I can cook too so if you are ever hungry just let me know
and I will start cooking away
I have a **** job but I make decent money
I don't live in a mansion or anything but it's a place to live
so either way I am happy
My friends are total idiots, they are in fact a group of arseholes
but they are there for me when I need them and
I know they would love to meet you
I know I am not that good looking but I will treat you right
I will put you first always as long as you never go to bed angry with me at night
I know we have known each other for only an hour
Maybe what I am asking is illegal
but I seem to have fallen in love with you
So marry me and we can work out the legal crap later."

I smoked myself a cigarette
okay maybe five
I thought long and hard about the situation
trying hard not to cry
I didn't even know this man
yet everything about him drove me crazy
How on earth could I marry a man
who barely even knows me
I put out my fifth cigarette
let out a deep exhale
"Okay" I said finally "I will marry you"
He got up off the ground, helped me up and then we started to run
For the first time in my whole existence
it felt like my life had just begun

I was 23 when I got married
I had no idea what I was thinking when I said yes to that man
I am 87 years old now
and I am still in love with him
In our 60 years of marriage he has kept his promise to me
to always put me first
I never go to bed angry at him
and we spend every Saturday afternoon at St. George Skatepark

To the girl that loves him next,

Please be careful with him.
He has a fragile heart.
He gets attached and frustrated very easily.
Don't push him away.
Just know he's willing to take a bullet for the people he loves and you're one of them.
But,
Communication is hard with him, mainly because he's very stubborn.
Stay calm.
He will eventually talk to you.
His eyes do change color.
When he is happy, they are the bluest things you'll ever see.
They're bright and trusting which makes you feel comfortable.
But when they're grey, you can see the discomfort grow in him.
The color itself describes how he feels.
Please try and keep them blue.
His heart is big but breaks easily.
Please be cautious.
Cuddle him.
Make him feel warm and fuzzy inside just by snuggling against his embrace.
They're the most welcoming arms you'll ever lay in.
He snores sometimes, but don't let that stop you from falling asleep in his arms.
Self admittedly he said he drools.
Embarrassing, maybe.
But it's just another little thing you'll grow to admire.
His favourite place is Las Vegas.
He grew up there.
It's a huge part of his heart.  
He keeps it close to him.
Don't ignore the stories that he tells about his time there.
Even if they're repetitive.
Yes. He's forgetful but listen to the repetition of his stories.
Memorize them.
Like how he ran from the cops with his friends late one night and managed not to get caught.
Like how he would walk the strip every night and never run out of things to do there.
Just know that he badly wants to go back because things were easier, more relaxed there.
That place is his home.
Also know,
He's gone through so much terrible **** for someone his age.
He's just 20 but his heart is wise.
Sometimes you have to filter yourself because you don't want to bring up any horrible memory.
There are things I can't even begin to tell you about.
He has gone through hell and back so tell him that you're ******* proud of him.
Because you should be.
Please, don't let him ever feel that low again.
His favourite drink is coffee.
He adds a bit too much sugar to it but it's sweet and somehow taste amazing.
His kisses are soft, which I'm sure you know.
Don't ever stop kissing him.
He rides bikes, scooters, really anything with wheels.
That's his go to thing to really make him feel his best so when he goes to the skatepark, don't stop him.
Take care of him when he hurts himself, because he will hurt himself one way or another.
He loves music.
If he has one headphone in, don't think he's ignoring you.
He's not.
He simply wants to get lost for a little while.
And that's okay because everyone loves to drown out their thoughts sometimes.
That's what music does for him.
He stays up late on nights that he doesn't work or go to class.
And he drinks.
Sometimes heavily and he may get into a funk.
Please, help him out of it.
He can get scary sometimes and I worry that it can go bad.
Show him that you worry too.
He smells like cigarettes but you'll grow to love the smell.
Like I did.
Please, always remind him that he's loved and has your full attention.
He isn't the best at being hopeful that things will turn out good for him.
Make it known that you genuinely love him.
Make him aware that he will have you for as long as he wishes.
Let him know that you will treat him as best as you can.

Because if you can't do that, please let me.

To the girl that loves him next,

Treat him like he's your world.
Because I didn't get the opportunity to show him that he was mine.
And he really ******* deserves it.


-From Someone Who Loved Him Before.
  --and always will.

How
I retry
Backside Pen Slide
Lyrics spirits quips glide
Elbows Shins Blood Blot Dried
When Wind Blows Wicked Words Rise
Idioms Soul Grind Infinite rails Applied
Thoughts Ollie Pop Manual quill Pipe bomb
Ultra Stick Ink Drips 360 Plot Shov-it Twist
Push Kick I Pedal Prose Skate Tricks, Morphemes Stick.
Perpetual Pendulums Prop People to Place Peckers in Potato Grits

Times Up!

i see saggy cargo pants, marijuana and at least three mall grips.
some pseudo outcast cool kids carving out skidmarks,
painting the concrete waves with wheels and their bloodstains.

hey look at that guy in the corner,
he just bought two burnt spoonfuls of a score.
it doesn't look like he can take any more, though.

or the guys playing six tricks roulette,
on a quarterpipe, on a bet,
for a cheap pack of cigarettes.

I'VE NEVER BEEN THAT GIRL ALL THE GUYS BOW DOWN TO.
IVE NEVER ACTUALLY MET A GUY WHO WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR ME.
NEVER BEEN A POPULAR PERSON.
NEVER BEEN PERFECT ON THE INSIDE OUT.
NEVER BEEN HOMECOMING QUEEN.
IVE NEVER BEEN ON A CHEERLEADING TEAM.
NEVER HAD GIRLS THAT WANTED TO BE ME.
NEVER BEEN CALLED PERFECT BY GUYS ON THE VARSITY FOOTBALL TEAM.
I'VE NEVER KISSED KEN.
BUT,
I AM ME.
I'VE BEEN THE GIRL WHO ALL THE GUYS HAVE RESPECT FOR.
I'VE BEEN THE GIRL THAT ALL THE GUYS CALL FRIEND.
I HAVE BEEN THE GIRL THAT HAS HAD IMPERFECT BUT PERFECT GUYS CRUSH ON ME.
I'VE BEEN THE GIRL THAT SPENDS HER WEEKENDS AT THE SKATEPARK OR RIDING DIRTBIKES.
IM THE GIRL THAT HAS SARCASM EVERYONE FEARS TO HEAR.
IM THE GIRL THAT WILL BE TOTALLY HONEST EVEN IF IT WILL HURT YOUR FEELINGS.
IM THE GIRL THAT CAN BE PRETTY.
IM THE GIRL THAT PREFERS SHORTS OR PANTS OVER SKIRTS AND DRESSES.
IM THE GIRL WHO LIKES FISHNETS AND COMBAT BOOTS.
THE GIRL THAT WILL GET CRAZY.
THE GIRL THAT DEFENDS HERSELF AND PEOPLE SHE CARES ABOUT.
I WILL GET IN YOUR FACE IF YOU GET IN MINE.
I WOULD RATHER HAVE ONE SPECIAL GUY THEN HAVE TWENTY FAKE GUYS.
IM THE GIRL THAT RESPECTS YOU IF YOU RESPECT ME.
IM THE HARD HEADED GIRL THAT IS STUBBORN AS HELL.
I DON'T FALL IN LOVE WITH JERKS.
I PLAY HARD TO GET IF I FEEL THAT YOU WANT ME TO BE EASY.
IM THE GIRL THAT WILL KICK YOUR ***  IF YOU MESS WITH ME.

When I was 17 I watched a man **** himself,
I remember the morning like it was yesterday,
the air bit at my heels
and it was too cold to be at the skatepark,
there was a lounge area of
weathered tables and pine trees
about 50 yards north,
I still remember the look in his eyes
confusion filled mine,
he was old, around 70
and I kept skating around,
he just sat there with
saltwater in his veins,
holding a long barrelled
30-30 it looked like,
I kept skating and fixating
my eyes on what he was holding,
it manipulated my vision,
reached out to hopeful ignorance
and yanked it through my throat,
we never made eye contact,
his eyes were buried down
a steel thief,
I kept rolling back and forth,
and I never knew thunder had
the ability rip the bearings
from the wheels,
the crack turned the bark
on the tree behind him
to a yelp,
and I’ve never saw blood fly
until that point,
I still remember how fast
it turned from a picnic table
to a crime scene,
how aimlessly the yellow tape
flew in the wind, as if nothing
ever happened,
time forged a signature
on a death note to man
who never felt the chill
bite at his heels that day,
that barrel screaming for forgiveness
knocked at a door with perspective
standing at the peephole,
I saw myself in his shoes
when I saw the life leave his body,
I went back that day
and saw the city worker
spraying the pavement,
running an eraser over
the pen-painted picture
in my mind,
the chill shattered my
porcelain heels that
day and shooed me
away from the
griptape forever.

Ive loved you
For two years and three months.
For 27 months.
For 118 weeks and one day.
For 827 days.
For 19, 848 hours.
For 1,190,880 minutes.
For 71,452,800 seconds.
Ive loved you
Since January 1, 2012.
Since I met you at the skatepark.
Since the day I gave you all of me.
Since the day that you actually made me feel wanted.
Since the day we had our very first kiss.
Ive loved you
With every fiber of my being.
With every inch,
With every corner of my heart.
With every warm touch to my body.
With every tear drop from my eye.
You dont want me
Youve left such an impact on me.
Youve changed my thoughts on love.
Youve changed me.
You still have all of me
Every ounce of my heart.
Every fiber of my being.
Im cold
I dont have a sincere smile.
I dont have a warm touch.
I dont have you.
And it has broken all of me

Its cold as *****
In this little bougie hotel
Tour guide refers to his mouth as
"His crawl."
The Deep South yawns strings of pearls and white linen
Out of its luxurious mouth
Honeysuckle Rose Martini
A dash of lemonade
Remember when you came up to me
Your little dancer boy swagger

And you so joyously but cautiously touched my shoulder:
"Can I call you Lemon?"
I remember turning to my left, looking at you
Such happiness and newness in my eyes
Twinkling, don't go to the skatepark
"Yeah!" I said
Just waiting for you to come back.

I guess I have spent a lot of my life
Waiting for him or that--
To come back.
A slew of I love you's
A slew of promises and futures
My heart half in and half out
Of every single bit of it
An invisible stop sign in my face
Breaking and tearing
But ultimately surrendering
Down my own path

Poverty
Women
Black lives matter
White privilege
Terrorism

Why why why?

Riots in Chicago last night
I'm not a traditional religious woman
But I whisper to the goodness of the universe
That everyone in this world
Be kept safe.

Heres a written letter of my possible fruitful future
Don't toss me away
Don't look past what I could do
Brother goes on and on
About solar panels
Do something for the world, he says
As we debate and pontificate over our
Abundance of food
Good company and heads on our bodies
All I wanted to do was call you.

I don't know why some people don't text back
And I don't know why some people put guns in their hands
And I certainly don't know why more people don't just sit down
To write.

Playing footsie with autumn leaves on the ground
Hearing story after story about Jim Williams
Restorationist, murderer--his spirit lives on
In this here southern lil town
Lets stare at his old paintings
Or right where he passed away
Wander through his house
And wonder how and why his legacy stayed.

Do something for the world?
Awaking numb, words are even such a chore
But you said, you said they were my tool

I plug my phone in across the room.

I had a dream about dinosaurs falling from the sky onto the skatepark from a paralell dimension...

Girls and boys.
Men and women.
Males and females.

The minds of each are so different, it blows mine.
Males are so simple, it's almost funny.
Females are considered to be the most complicated beings on earth.

This creates a dilemma on each side.
Especially in relationships.

The little things are all girls want to be remembered.
The little things are the most forgotten by guys.

If my mom asks my dad to come home early one day,
He’ll remember to come home early,
But he won't remember that it’s because today is their anniversary.

My dad will tell my mom, on Saturday I am going to the skatepark.
My mom will say okay, but then nag him for days
Because he didn’t pay attention that that was the day my sister had a show.

But then there's the day my mom will go to extra lengths for dinner,
Clean the house, shoo the kids, grab a new movie.

The day my dad comes home from work early,
A bouquet and a pound of chocolate in his hands,
With three simple words on his lips.

In today’s society between teenagers, things are the same and different.
They're the same in all of the petty little daily arguments.

But In my eyes they are different in the most significant way.
The vows that end with "I do" are not in play within such a relationship.
There is no "Becoming of One".

Those vows are what begin a new life, between two beings and one.
There are no "Lets talk later sweetie, I like you".
No "Goodnight babe, I'll see you tomorrow".

The day begins with "I love you"
And ends with "I'll never stop loving you".
All with that person by your side.
Because after all, Agape love is the most powerful emotion known to man.

Today i was hookin' at the skatepark...i got 4 new tricks.

You always told me to stay strong! You told me it's not manly to show I'm in pain, as a child I understood you were referring to the times where you brought me to the skatepark and told me that if I didn't drop in off the quarter pipe I was grounded and I fell, I fell, I fell, I fell I was covered in scrapes but I had to keep a straight face because IT WASNT MANLY TO SHOW MY PAIN. You were referring to the times that I'd get hit with the ball up at bat and I'd fall, youd scream from behind the fence "Get up and get to first base! Did I raise a son or a daughter!"
I'd get up and I'd walk... Then from behind I'd hear you, like you had a face on the back of my head like I was Professor Quirrell and you were He Who Shall Not Be Named "HUSSEL CONNOR FOR GOD SAKES HUSSEL" and I'd do it, I'd always do it because I thought it would change our rides home, the ones where you'd just ignore me until I tried to talk and then you'd just tell me what I did wrong, what I need to work on and that when I get home I better get my *** in the backyard and practice with my brothers. Instead of wasting my time on "Those ******* Video Games Connor!"
You told me it wasn't manly to show I'm in pain! I took it as its not okay to feel pain. So I ignored it, I ignored it until it grew to the size of you, to the shape of you, with your voice, your tattoos, your way of presenting yourself that made me feel so inferior. It grew to be you, to big to ignore it watched over my shoulder when I was with friends, it made me feel it before you did, like when
You reminded why I stayed in my room to avoid walking downstairs because I knew you'd have something to say, you always had something to say, that would ruin my day in a way you could never understand, it reminded me why I stayed in bed till 2pm, it reminded me why I play my games and drown out your voice when I play my music. You reminded me.
It was in a Sunday when I my 13 year old that I gained the courage after you told me to go to my room that I said, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! YOU DONT GET IT! YOU NEVER LET ME TALK!
!POW! Like a superhero comic book the sound echoed through my brain after you put me on the floor and it took me a moment to realize, you hit me, you laid your hand across my face the same one mom would, except you put too much force and it made my ears ring and my cheek sting. My hand rose to my cheek and you yelled PUT YOUR HANDS DOWN! And !POW! Again. Then you said "DONT YOU EVER TALK BACK TO ME AGAIN WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE THIS IS MY HOUSE!"
I cried, you told me "Stop crying or I'll give you a reason to" but you didn't understand you never stopped giving me reasons to.
You told me "ITS NOT MANLY TO SHOW YOURE IN PAIN"
Explains why you was like a brick wall. You must have never felt pain.
Now I know I have, so can you tell me how I was strong enough to break through you

****** oathe I am cool, mate
Don’t ya think
I am the coolest dude in Canberra
Don’t ya think
I really oh really the coolest dude around
I am cool very cool yes indeed
****** oathe I am very cool
Don’t ya think
I know how to be very cool
Don’t ya think
Everyone in this town
Thinks I am so cool
****** oathe I am cool
Don’t ya think
I am into watching football
I am into watching Netflix
I love life when I go out anywhere
I like watching sports like skateboarding comps
Because that kind of sport makes me cool
I have memories of being at the skatepark having fun
I never could ride a board mate
But I still had fun
Everybody knows I am the coolest dude around
And nobody can take my cool away
****** oathe I am cool mate
Oh yes I am
I used to party in the clubs drinking gross drinks
What I can’t understand why people choose to follow in my footsteps
Maybe it is because I am so cool
****** oathe I am cool
Everyone
I know people like me, ****** oathe.
I know ****** is rude but it is still cool oh yeah
I am cooler than everyone

day 7

I was so happy last night
sitting cross legged on the skatepark ramp
wrapped in the stocky darkness
graffiti bouncing atop every surface

beer glasses clinking
because two get me loose
and the sticker art I peel off to save in my phone case
Jess’s laughter and wild paces
back and forth while animatedly describing
everything I needed to know about the universe

and I wake
the drugs long seeped out of my system
but still lingering on my breath
I can’t remember the astronomical lessons
we shared that night
but I know I felt
something incredibly powerful,
almost break-through like

or
maybe that was the shrooms

(it all gets
hard to tell)

since when was the world full of bright brilliant colors?
since when did sunsets cast shades of pink and purple in the sky?
since when did coffee dates involve strands of yellow sunlight shining through frosted windows?
since when did skatepark dates involve soft green grass and ruby red roses?
since when has this world not been monochromatic shades of grey?
because thats all i can see.
help me understand these colors of yours, i would like to experience the beauty.