I had always said that if you were to die, there would be a double casket but little did I know that you'd have time to get your side ready because you should know way ahead of time that our casket is going to be here soon. I hoped that you would go to the grave with me but all im taking is our memories. The memories are the most alive thing about me. Because the rest of me will be in the casket after I put a bullet through my brain or a razor across my wrist. You promised we'd never end up like this. You promised we'd always be friends, but where are you when I need a friend? Are you worried about my well-being? Because being well without you, my dear, well, that's impossible. I had always taken separation so easy until I got separated from the only person I had come to love, but was it love? I loved you, but I can't be so sure you loved me. Loved. See, you loved me at one point but you loved others, too. That's the time I started to fall apart. I seen what you said to other people and **** I lost it. Loved. You would put your arms around me and I could've swore I would never be more at home than I was when I was in your arms. Home. Home was the only place I felt comfortable the only place I could go to get away, and let me tell you, at the end of every day, you were home. Every day. Every day I would plan the future that I seen with you. With you. All I ever wanted was to be with you.
Nov 22, 2015
Nov 22, 2015 at 2:52 AM UTC
"I don't mean for this to sound harsh, but I really hope one day you realize that no one could ever care for you like I had. I hope that 10 years from now when you've had enough to drink on a hard day, I will be the one that drowns your thoughts.
And just know when that day comes I'll be waiting for your call because the whole world will feel as it's falling all around you and you wont be sure how you're going to make it home but then you'll realize home isn't home without me. So you will tell me you love me and I will silence you before you finish your slurred sentences, because at that point it'll be too late for that.
I'll remember how much it hurt to love you and I will remember the way it felt when I couldn't breath because I was drowning in my own blood and I will tell you that I can't do it anymore, I will apologize and call you a cab. I'll give him your address because I know every step to your door with my eyes closed, but you'll never hear from me again after that day. And I hope you're sorry and I hope its you who's left with a wound this time and I hope it lasts and you carry it with you everyday for the rest of your life just to remind you that you couldn't love me like I deserved.
-thewordstoabookillneverwrite"
M.S.
Oct 11, 2015
Oct 11, 2015 at 9:10 PM UTC
God,
Today I woke up and I wish I hadn't. I feel so alone and am back in a state of mind where contemplating suicide every day is comforting. Perhaps this is my suicide letter to you, God. My bestfriend is miles, cities, states away and she's the only one that could understand. My boyfriend sleeps with other girls and leaves me on the backburners nine out of ten times. So tell me, how do I know love? My body is disgusting. I don't understand how anyone could want to touch me, let alone love me. I can't even love me. I would rather be dying on the side of the road from a heat stroke than to have over 150 pounds on my body. I'd rather have no mom than a mom that doesn't care. So tell me, how do I know love? So my prayer to you is to let me find hope in another day. To let me not feel bad for living or eating.
Xo,
Brianne
Jul 12, 2015
Jul 12, 2015 at 8:30 PM UTC
School has taught me a few things..
The world is beautiful
The people are cruel
The person that holds your heart
Will slip it between their hands
And squeeze it until it explodes
The teachers do not care
They're just here to get paid
Wait until you're at your worst
Then see how many friends you have
And make sure you don't stand out
Because that's socially unacceptable
Mar 12, 2015
Mar 12, 2015 at 10:45 AM UTC
Here I am
Spilling everything out on a website
All the feelings you've bottled inside of me
And yes YOU have bottled them
Because I can no longer pour them into you
I have to watch what I say
What I do
You never had to say a word about missing me
I could tell by the way your heart was racing when my head was on your chest
You didn't have to say a word about missing me
I could tell when I was in your arms and you didn't care that you had a girlfriend
It was just pure bliss to be back into one anothers arms
You didn't have to say a word about missing me
I could taste it on your lips
I could feel it in the way that you couldn't stop holding me
We both know where your heart truly stands
Feb 18, 2015
Feb 18, 2015 at 11:53 PM UTC
I would shower in two hundred degree water if I thought that it would get your touch off of my skin
I would dive into the coldest ocean in the world if it would freeze my brain just enough to forget you for a few minutes
I would shred every inch of my skin if it would somehow take away the pain I feel in my heart and my head
But that's the thing...
I can't detach from your grasp
My brain wouldn't forget you in a million years
And I have to bear the pain that feels like a thousand pounds sitting on my heart
Just because you left me
Feb 9, 2015
Feb 9, 2015 at 9:38 AM UTC
You claimed that you didn't love me
But I beg to differ because at 5 AM you were in tears afraid that I was going to commit suicide
Was that not love?
At 5 AM you kissed every cut I had made upon my porcelain skin
Was that not love?
You came back to me time after time because you don't know how to live without me
Was that not love?
You left me a month ago but you still have a need to hear my voice
Is that not love?
Feb 8, 2015
Feb 8, 2015 at 2:53 PM UTC
I just got way too faded
Thinking about the times we used to have
You would always ask me to get high
And I would say no
I didn't need smoke to feel like I could conquor the world
I had you
But since you left
It's my only escape
From any bit of reality
That you're actually gone
But the way you left me is alright
Theres always someone better
I just don't understand how you could leave
When you already had the best
It's now 8:07 AM and I've written a poem about you.
Jan 24, 2015
Jan 24, 2015 at 8:08 AM UTC
I had always frowned upon the thought of being drunk
But my God, I hated being sober
****** smirnoff was the key to falling asleep in the arms of my lover
The bitter taste of alcohol made me forget about you
I never knew the downers in alcohol could make so many memories
I was sloppy drunk with my friends laughing until the sun came up
And no I didnt want it to end
I couldn't find which direction I was supposed to go
And I didnt care
I just wanted to catch the sunrise in his beautiful eyes
And the joy in the laughter of my friends
Jan 21, 2015
Jan 21, 2015 at 8:01 AM UTC
My love, you really broke me this time.
All I know are the hands that hit me
And the mouth that called me names
I hope you're struck by her stunningness
Or at least by the way she holds your hand
I hope she fills the empty spaces in which I could not fill
But just know that I haven't taken you off my mind since the day you left me.
Jan 21, 2015
Jan 21, 2015 at 4:47 AM UTC