"shouldve" poems
Next two years, college, poetry, poetry,
You, me, *** condoms, birthcontrol?
Mother, permission, cleaning room, cleaning life, windex, lemon scented windex.
Windows, escape, Ani Difranco, 32 flavors, 32 flavors and then some
I am 32 flavors and then some.
My grades are 1 A, 2 Bs, 3 Cs and 2 Ds?
Atleast I vary. Colleges look for variation.
I can cross my eyes. Only one other person in my family can cross their eyes.
This was my last quarter to make an impression.
Impress. Smile. Eye contact. I have to meet your mother.
I have to go shopping
With your mother.
I lied to my mother
Mothers dont like lying
My parents asked me if something tragic happened to me
I used to wish that something tragic would happen to me
Nothing tragic has happened to me
Unless you call immense boredom with tiny people on a tiny state tragic
Which for a matter of fact I do.
You ask me whats going on
I’m a smart girl
Im flattered that you think so
But I doubt your surgeon parents will agree
How many AP classes am I taking...
0.
This is so out of character.
Youve never avoided your problems like this before
Silly parents
You’d avoid your problems too if they were
Life ambition, college, *** condoms, birthcontrol?
1 A, 2 Bs, 3 Cs and 2 Ds, cleaning room, cleaning life
Cleaning out my character
Because I have to impress your mother.
Should we get you a therapist?
We shouldve gotten you a therapist last year
Dealing with stress is hard for anyone
You just need help.
I do not want your help.
Dealing with stress is not hard
Put your head in the sand and listen to Ani Difranco
32 Flavors
32 flavors and then some
I am 32 flavors and then some
Apr 13, 2014
Apr 13, 2014 at 5:14 PM UTC
Got that pretty boy swag,
got his pants down to his knees
got that gorgeous girl style,
still not good enough for his needs
supposedly im the bestest,
and we were gonn last forever
but then i found out he cheated,
second chance? no, never
**** life, **** love,
nothing cures my broken heart
the blood now rolls down my arm,
there is no end to this horrible start
no girl could ever be pretty enough,
***** got his ego so far up his ***
i definitly am way to good,
for the kid with the hidden **** stache
he's to **** for me?
just because he's got eight flowers?
no way he wouldn't cheat...
and now he's got a daughter..
and where am i in this ****
**** the little ***** and his ****** up ways
i am at the end of his priority list,
how long we been datin'? im done addin days
this **** ****** me off
and wrecked my heart to pieces,
this is one thing youll never fix
not even swearing on your grandmothers ashes..
**you probably feel ashamed
for the scarlet dress i now wear..
well you shouldve thought about that before
cause i know you truely dont care..**
Aug 30, 2010
Aug 30, 2010 at 4:55 PM UTC
I dont blame you
For walking away
Only now i realize
The gravity of my mistakes
I dont blame you
For givin up on me
I see now
The person i used to be
I wish you'd let me show you
How sorry i really am
I apologize, i apologize
For not being the best that i can
I wish i were the greatest
Love story you could ever tell
I wish i knew back then
So i could have treated you well
Coz you stuck by me
You cried but you understood
You were patient
You did the best you could
I dont blame you
I know how much you hurt
I wish you knew that i know
Just how much you're really worth
Baby you're not easy
Easy to throw away
Trust me, i know now
Now that you're not here with me today
How did you do it
How did you stick around
With a girl like me
Far better you could have found
Id like to say thank you
Id like you to know
How sorry i am
I feel so low
I shouldve treated you better
I should have treated you right
Kiss you every morning
Hold your hand at night
I wish you find better
Better than i had to give
I wish you all the happiness
Even with this guilt i feel
I should have been there
I should have thought it through
You should know baby
I dont blame you
Feb 24, 2013
Feb 24, 2013 at 1:55 AM UTC
I'm spirialing faster and faster
I need to rid the demons that are taking over my head
Please call over a priest or a pastor!
DeNts dEnTs...three dents in my car
If only I looked behind me
My mind had traveled too far
One bite...just one bite
I want to eat but my brain always puts up a fight
One, two, three,oh God theres more,four five, six
STOP COUNTING!!...the lines....red lines
I cant hold it back anymore!
Drip,drip, drip...tears stream down my face
I shouldve been there for you
I was the one to put u in this place
The world is black, the world is good
Cover my eyes and rock in place
Just like an unstable person would
Tap...tap..tap
Tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap
It's not working, I need my headphones
I open the plastic ....the sharp plastic
Pressing my finger to the point
The pains feels good.....
I put on my headphones
"They are empty, they are worn
Tell me what we built this for
On my way to something more
You're that one I can't ignore!!!
Mmm...
I'm gonna miss you
I still care
Sometimes I wish we never built this palace but real love is never a waste of time."
Close my eyes and listen .....
But they're are still pouring
Through tears is the only way the world finally glistens
Red ....red...I see red
I see blue eyes
I dig my nails into my thighs
to remind myself I'm not dead
My 1 yr old niece crys
and for a brief second I'm out of my head and I can actually stand up and try
Try to be normal, try to hold it in
But when I am alone once more
My depression once again lets panic and anxiety come in
...tap...tap....tap....tap.
Aug 8, 2019
Aug 8, 2019 at 5:50 PM UTC
sometimes I feel kind of low
alone..
something in my mind
I need to take back control
they can't comprehend
or even come close to understanding me
maybe if i was boring they would love me
maybe if i was simple in the mind everything would be fine
everything redefined
in the heart and soul of a mastermind
body shaped like a muse for fine art
don't fall apart
sometimes I feel kind of low
alone..
in this battle for the freedom of my soul
maybe I shouldve let go long ago
maybe I shouldve give in
swallowed the bottle
cutt a little deeper
felt the rush of pain
for those who don't understand
for those who don't relate
and for those who think I'm crazy
there's a fine line between genius and insanity.
I have erased this line.
Nov 11, 2013
Nov 11, 2013 at 1:24 AM UTC
I should've said it, all the words that slipt away.
You just stood there waiting for me to say something, anything would be enough
but all I said was nothing and all I had was nothing.
In my head I told you everything,
how your eyes shine brighter than all the stars in the world put together,
how everything reminds me of you,
when i pass by the bench in park avenue 16 i could've sworn i saw us,
**the old us sitting,
laughing, in love,
the way it was supposed to be**.
I shouldve told you that the silence isnt cause i dont love you, it's cause my love for you has left me speechles, breathless.
Its like i have so much to say, i just cant seem to find the words. I know im late, with you about to fall for the wrong girl and all, but before you leave,
Just hear me out, i know im all over the place and im not even close to being perfect
but what we have is as close as we'll ever get to forever.
Its always been me and you against the world.
I shouldve said it, maybe it was wrong to say nothing as you walked away.
Aug 11, 2013
Aug 11, 2013 at 7:07 PM UTC
I dont know if i was forcing feelings
or if i shouldve fought to hold onto the ones i had
or what
but in the midst of whatever IT was
I lost you,
and im sorry it took me so long to realize
that you had feelings
just like i do.
and i ignored them,
to benefit myself.
just like you did
to me
im sorry jonnie
Oct 14, 2013
Oct 14, 2013 at 10:17 AM UTC
The moon was just an illusion of a beautifull little girl, relaxing with wine and sigarettes, letting her mind go
Today is the day i finally fell in love, she was so beautiful, she was just enough
Its hard to save your heart. Its all gone now, youve torn myne apart. To save you was easier said than done
I shouldve known this feeling was well too kind. I allways knew this was coming but i had hope. In the back of my mind i had feelings to Elope.
This was our happy ever after, everthing you had is gone now, you were the star of the show, take a bow!
Jun 23, 2013
Jun 23, 2013 at 6:58 AM UTC
guess you shouldve thought about that
before you broke your mothers back,huh,sweetheart?
Sep 1, 2014
Sep 1, 2014 at 10:22 AM UTC
a bucket of water is in front of me.
half full to be exact.
my mother was sick in her room.
I knew how to bring her health back.
a handful of dirt
....dandelions and moss fluff...
...a bushes leaves and some other nasty stuff...
puddle water and my dogs chew toy...
for flavor...
banana peels and orange peels
and exract of rose...
i amcompletelety sure this will make my mother feel 18 again...
or so my 5 year old brain assumed.
the fume of my potion smelled of a polluted ocean in a very unpopular beach.
the smell of low tide and the texture of as snails body.
mommy was sleeping.
pacing my steps
...very....
...quietly...
...i apprached my mommy with the ocean potion...
...dipped my 5 year old hand in the pulpy potion with chew toys
peels
mud
...shivers reeled through my skin...
but i had to make sure my mommy would be mommy again.
" mah..." i whined
"maaaaa..MAAAAAAAH!"
as quickly as i screamed was as quickly as she awoke
she saw the potion and took a whiff of my improvised concoction and bolted to the bathroom
"oh poo.." i thought. "i shouldve added mushrooms"
Jun 26, 2014
Jun 26, 2014 at 9:05 AM UTC
Youre just a sad girl in an old oil painting
and im just the artist who hates his old work
youre just another name in an old hotel register
and im just the lonely night clerk
youre just another story about another broken heart
and im just the stranger who made it a song
you were in the wrong place at the wrong perfect time
and I shouldve not come along
youre the last broken string on this pawn shop guitar
and im the kid through the window who wants it
im just a back street on the wrong side of town
and youre the dark mansion that haunts it
youre just a lost letter in an old dusty mailroom
and I am he who will never receive it
im the car on the tracks youre the train bout to crash
but I stay cause I do not believe it
youre just an iceberg sitting under the surface
and me, well im just the titanic
youre just a plane crashing fast into a mountain
and I sit inside without panic
Im just a blind man stepping off into traffic
And youre just the one calling me
You were just a nightmare on a dark stormy night
When all that I wanted were dreams
Oh, you’ve got nowhere to go
And I can see right through you
Gift or curse I don’t know
(c)2009 CJG
Sep 22, 2012
Sep 22, 2012 at 12:34 PM UTC
its been a month
funny how time flies
it seems only yesterday
you were there
laughing
smiling
holding my hand
singing along to showtunes in the car
we were happier than we had ever been
i shouldve known it would end
life has a hard-on for ******* me over
ruining all the good in my life
.
.
.
whyd it happen to you
of all people
.
.
.
we had a lot of plans
college together
an apartment in the city
maybe getting married
adopting a kid or two
spending another thirteen years as best friends
and then some
but those plans never work out
do they?
.
.
.
i dont know how ill move on
.
.
.
i listened to the cd
the karaoke we did at the arcade two years ago
livin on a prayer
we were fifteen
freshman in high school
even when youre scream-singing
you have an amazing voice
had
you had an amazing voice
i envy the angels who hear you singing now
save a song for me
.
.
.
i hope this finds you
wherever you are
i figured polaris would help
.
.
.
you are my home
always have been
always will be
.
.
.
farewell
.
.
.
ill see you soon
May 25, 2019
May 25, 2019 at 8:34 PM UTC
3,650 days since the first time ive heard her name you think within that time frame i would know everything about her
but here's something i just noticed she's 5'4 but walks like she 4'5
its a walk with no purpose other than to get away from here
she has eyes that could light up the sky but they never leave the ground
all because 1 boy ruined her perception of beauty
it would explain why she shrugged off every compliment i gave
i tried my hardes to convicne her she was beautiful but she was convinced she was anything but
I am gonna give it one last try so you can see yourself through my eyes
just listen
theres a girl with fine hair the color of the suns glimmering rays just before sunset
with eyes so captivating that if you were handed a map , you would throw it away cuz theres no other place youd rather be lost
A smile that would make a ****** drop his spoon becuase he realized he's missing out on a greater high
lips that probably taste so sweet it makes sugar taste bitter
a body that curves in all the right places it makes a model seem like a manikin
but shes more than just eye candy
she has such a big heart because she does so much for everyone else and expects nothing in return
she has such a sense of humor that she'll laugh at a joke from a child or from a man with his mind in the gutter
she makes me believe God IS TRULY SELFLESS becuase i wouldve kept an angel like her in Heaven
So maybe youre right youre anything but beautiful because beautiful is such an original word to describe such a unique person like you
You're stunning
You're miraculous
You're drop dead goregeous
You're courageous
You're charismatic
You're Pulchritudinous , i didnt even know what the hell that meant until i realized it defined you
I wanna see you walk like you do after you just proved me wrong not like your 5'4 but like your 6'5
and after readign this you better call rehab because all i want is to see your smile
and you better realize that youve been looking in a mirror of lies , holding on to what you shouldve let go and that you finally realize what youre truly worth .. to me .... and everyone else around you
Jul 26, 2014
Jul 26, 2014 at 10:24 PM UTC
"Love is kind, love is patient"
I read that at Moms wedding
On the beach
A cold California day
And it seemed so out of place
For it to be raining at the beach
But it was the day of homecoming
And I cried and said it shouldve been
In a church
With a white dress
And family
And a pastor
But I don't even believe in god
So what sense does that make
None
Just like my red mini dress
And the dance floor lights
That made my glitter heels blush and giggle
And the way they called my name
"Calli!"
Yep, just like the state
Apr 15, 2013
Apr 15, 2013 at 3:29 PM UTC
*Lately the pain is driving me a little crazy
but lately I am getting through it faster
Lately the pain is driving me a little crazy
Lately I feel as if you will soon move on
And
Life will soon move on
and I will always think of you
but as time goes by I know you will stop being on my mind constantly
even tho all I want is you
for you to be right by myside
because with you I feel the best
the happiest
Im in love with you
I cant help that ****
I feel for you
but im losing it for you
cause baby as time goes by
Im not feeling like I used to about chu
I still want you I really do
but as time goes on I realized that you aint right for me
you never ****** treated me like you shouldve
you never loved me like you shouldve
been there like you shouldve
but baby lately
im losing those feelings for you
and lately im not thinking so much about chu
lately Ive been getting that money like im supposed to
and lately im alot happier with myself
like i shouldve been along while ago
and lately I realiezed
I can make money without chu
I can be better without chu
I can grind without chu
I can be alot happier wihtout chu
I dont even need you
I dont know what I was thinking
some reason I had it in my head that I needed you
but baby lately
I been feeling like **** you. *
Dec 2, 2016
Dec 2, 2016 at 1:19 PM UTC
*When I was younger
I was taught to never talk with strangers
For I was gullible
And they might fool me with no apparent reason
When I was a little older
Strangers turned into acquaintances
Acquaintances turned into friends
Friends turned into lovers
I learned that my elders were right
When they told me to never talk with strangers
For I was gullible enough to be fooled
I shouldve listened to them*
Jun 15, 2016
Jun 15, 2016 at 12:00 PM UTC
I remember the way your lips
Felt like rose petals
Soft and delicate
I loved roses and their sweet smell
When we kissed
Time slowed to a stop
So we could make every moment count
I shouldve known better
I saw you kissing her
Everything was in slow motion
But this time i wish time wouldnt stop
I wish time would faat forward
To when i no longer thought of you
Or rewind to when i was in her place
I shouldve known
You sweet aroma was poisoned
I guess i thought
You were covered in thorns
Because even the most beautiful things
Should be guarded from the world
Now i think its because youre a *****
Even the most beautiful of roses
Have the deadliest of thorns
I hope those kisses make her feel weak
Weaker than i feel now
I've never felt roses the same
In fact
I hate roses
Jul 12, 2015
Jul 12, 2015 at 1:04 PM UTC
I should have known that everyone was right,
But I wanted so desperately to believe,
That maybe you could actually care,
Its only myself I had to deceive.
I was blinded with hope and happiness,
My dreams were starting to come true,
But I wasnt worth any sacrifice,
Guess I didn't mean that much to you.
My heart feels lost, but still intact,
While hurting you don't feel,
This emptiness inside of me,
Just doesnt seem to be real.
I shouldve known from the beginning,
You would end up making me cry,
I just wish you would have told me:
That our last kiss was our final kiss goodbye.
May 17, 2017
May 17, 2017 at 12:37 AM UTC
Im serving lifes with this pen/
Convicted for Killing time
Im
Eternally trapped within/
For my sins
Solitarily confined
In these lines
where do I begin/
Can you read between them
It never ends/
The margin is marginal/
Carte blanch
Ive over stepped my boundaries
Broke the rule cardinal/
Now Im in an invisible/
cell feeling miserable/
My time shouldve been
More productive
This is NA Not Applicable/
23 hours in the whole
Lost ours in part
Another 60 gone/
Thought is food
scarf down words/
Appetite absurd clearly just observe/
work the mind
Stay fit/
only way to survive inside
Mental aerobics Various signs/
Shape it
chin up chin down equals a syllable/
My own worst enemy
My dictions despicable/
Train everyday to enhance
Considerable/
For I know never leaving
These sentences for life/
Are habitual/
Even before I got booked
They extradited my freedom/
The right to write
When I tried to free lance
I was just free writing/
They cuffed my free hands
Life sentence to this pen
Now they want my annihilation
Too many things gone missing punctuations
Jan 26, 2017
Jan 26, 2017 at 12:51 PM UTC
These walls were supposed to save me
but this corrupted cathedral made me
it's walls built with stones of my ego
I shouldve known it would never let me go
trapped by my compulsions
I can feel this rage pulsing
arrogance rushing through my veins
i can see its causing you pain
but I must admit
somewhere inside it gives me strength
these demons are vicious, selfish and impulsive
staring from these windowpanes I wonder
how did I become so self destructive
cursed is this empire of one
these walls suffocate me
only to resuscitate me
it's like
sometimes I think I need AA
but this addiction is just too great
staring at my reflection of lies
I dont recognize who's on the other side
these demons I hide inside
I traded my humanity
piece by piece like an american pie
all in exchange for vanity
this is my new sanity
filled to the brim with
my arrogance, my ego
This is my cathedral
Apr 1, 2013
Apr 1, 2013 at 7:44 PM UTC
They make you feel so happy
in your sad, miserable life
and you wish you could try them
and just take few
you only have those few options
to be happy
one bang
on the ground
two shots
in your head
three strikes
in your neck wrist and heart
four swallows
and the tears
You can lay it on the table
and stare at it
or convince yourself
that its not worth it
maybe they shouldve left earlier
then youd already be on the ground
in a pool of blood
and a sheet of paper
next to your head
titled: "in a happy place"
and subtitled "which isnt called earth"
then everything would be simple
and everybody would be happy
cause youre gone
and all thats left is
a sheet of paper
an empty room
a pool of blood
a cold body
and a ****** knife
with an empty pill bottle next to it
But they didnt leave earlier
like you wanted
and now its your decision to make
hopefully you choose the one
with the least suffering
because your main decision is already chosen
it always has been
Aug 10, 2013
Aug 10, 2013 at 2:57 PM UTC
Your eyes, they were my favorite, always so glistening.
Your lips, so addicting, loving when both of ours combined.
Your hair, so extending, waves cascade down your shoulders.
Your laugh, so adorable, l could never get enough.
Your beauty, so admirable, flawless in my eyes.
Your smile, so broad, ever so appealing...
i lost it all, not once but twice, just my luck, all for the wrong price. Now i'm sitting here, throughout the rain, in an immense amount of pain. I'd take it all back if i could, take my chance without a thought. Start from the beginning, shouldve known my mind was spinning. All those late night convos, turned into short hello's and goodbye's. Not saying it's your fault, but it was me who didn't try. What happened to the walks we'd take, meet up and come home late? Late night strolls around the mall, didn't even hesitate? All my fault, i was so selfish didn't see it from your eyes. How you'd feel afterwards, me telling all these lies. I lost it all, not once but twice, just my luck, all for the wrong price. Now i'm sitting here, throughout the rain, in an immense amount of pain..
Jan 12, 2015
Jan 12, 2015 at 12:13 AM UTC
I shouldve known something would go wrong
i shouldve known things wont ever go right
I shouldve known there was no point in trying
I shouldve known it wouldnt be how I expected
People say not to care
i guess thats only fair
I shouldve listened
Apr 18, 2013
Apr 18, 2013 at 3:49 PM UTC
mmm i should’ve
kissedyou at night
and mmm i shouldve
kissedyou in
th emorning
and i woke up
thinking about
it that’s all, you
and me under
my duvet, your
arm touching
my belly. i
remember in
the morning i
almost wanted you
to have morning
wood but there
was nothing and
i wanted to kiss you
we could be drunk and
wreckless with one
anothers hearts and
letsbe sober and hold
hands and giggle like
we dont know who
we should tell:
lets tell our best friend
lets tell nooone
teach me how to be happy
being silent, that magic
what do i want i don’t know
i don’t know you
i just want to kiss you
i think this poem
doesn’t matter
after the first
stanza because that’s
all i wanted to say;
i wrote a lot more
but it all means
mmmmmm
i should’ve
kissedyou
at night
and
mmmmmm
i shouldve
kissedyou
in th emorning
Dec 26, 2011
Dec 26, 2011 at 10:54 PM UTC
I gave everything I had and you just let it all blow away in the wind,
like nothing had ever crossed our once star struck paths, I was struck in the heart,
That blow should've killed me,
I shouldve drowned in the open sea
But you resuscitated me
I would have died you see
I can't look in your eyes
I know that's were my heart once lied, ,
I begged for you to be,
One hundred percent true to me
But you couldn't be
You hurt me
Left me bleeding into the ground
So lucifers hungry souls could feast
You were an evil beast
I miss the warmth and peace
Do you remember the melody
Your heart once sang with me
It was a masterpiece
It was truly unique
The gods bowed their heads in the presence
I used my last regrets
I promised That I wouldn't forget
That song that we once sang
Ill remember that day
When I saw you leave
It was so hard but so full of relief
I was sad for days
I resented the month of may
On may 28th
We'd sang out song
I remember how you smiled
I had felt at home for awhile
But you had evicted me
Do you remember the melody
Your heart once sang with me
It was a masterpiece
It was truly unique
The gods bowed their head in the presence
I used my last regret
I promised I wouldn't forget
That song that we once sang
I'll remember that day
Sep 9, 2012
Sep 9, 2012 at 11:33 PM UTC