Take off my lipstick
It makes me feel slutty
Rub off my eyeliner
Ill never be pretty

Change into pajamas
And then lay in bed
Pretend your cuddling with me
You cant take back the words you said

Those ugly words hurt
And they proved me right
Im not special just like I thought
But it still hurts that you want me out of your sight

Will i ever get to know
What about me is so bad
I try my best at everything
Is it cause im easily sad?

You think I dont know all my flaws?
They repeat in my head all the time
So you dont have to point them out
Id be lying if I said I was fine

Staring at my wall while feeling my pillow becoming a puddle of all the feelings i can't verbalize. They are always there, tearing me down from the inside and out
- as a reflection I leave the scars from my heart on my surface.
It's a cry for help.
I am worthless.
I am nothing.
They pretend to care, they don't think i know, but I do. Because every day I am pretending to smile.
Making it seem like I  want this life.
But i know that it's only a matter of time, before my inner demons takes over my body to make this unbearable pain end

I felt the earth bring me to life
rooted from the ground up
nourished in soil that was rich
but the earth has now brought me down
and my life is a tundra
because I'm alone
I am without a person to turn to and
it aches
I'm sorry that I'm mean
and I'm sorry that I'm full of problems
but I'm not sorry for everything I have given
to you
to everyone
how could an earth so great
pull me down to a level
of sadness and despair
I'm alone
and it's my fault
there's only one person to hate
and it's myself

I hate how I can remember every little detail. That makes me obsessive…doesn’t it? That’s one thing I don’t understand about our society; we’re always trying to be normal. We want…confidence for example. We want confidence and if we don’t have any we automatically have selfhate problems, but if we have it we become obsessed. Does anyone here really know the true definition of obsessed? Because I would really like to know, really. Alright, then answer me this, why is it always negatively understood? Is it all that bad that I know the exact moment when she is going to fix the undone bow on her left shoe because I can see how it has been eating her up inside for the last five minutes? But, she would never in a million years stop her speech to us to fix the undone bow on her left shoe. Is it all that bad that I know that she has been wearing those shoes for the past thirteen days and the bow came undone on the third? I know that she has a freckle right on her right jawline even though it’s small and not that noticeable at all. But, I noticed it. That makes me a freak, doesn’t it? And in addition to that, I am completely aware of her breath and the amount of time it takes for her to breathe in from her great, pretty nose and breathe out once again. I am completely aware of the way she always picks at her medium-length oval squared nails when she talks. I am aware that she wears two rings on her right hand, one on her *******, one on her ring. I know that she swears quite frequent actually, but catches herself every now and then replacing the cuss with a letter. You know something, I may be obsessed. I may be a freak and I may be crazy. But, no one else in this world has the privilege of knowing this woman or appreciating her as I do. Because no one ever took the time to notice the undone bow on her left shoe.

I refuse to take antidepressants
I refuse to be who I'm not
I'm not a happy person who wants nothing but joy
I am a person of selfhate
That's just me and I'm not going to be a fake

By Arcassin Burnham


Screaming from the shadows hoping somebody hears ya,
Even though nobody cares to notice ya,
Mindful eyes get left dry but they fall down on ya,
There's no secret to your flaws cause they're exposing ya,
I see the fire in your eyes , you're a tough one,
The cookies don't crumble here but others try to persuade the weak,
Reavaluating life choices and separating the good friends from
The bad friends knowing they all despise ya,
Here! You help me with this one thing and I'll promise you won't
Ever have to see me again , talking with everybody,
So you don't have to live with so much selfhate and doubt in ya,
You're strong,
I'm proud of ya,
You usually don't talk too much,
But out of these wannabes, you're a different breed,
With situations in life that'll make you hang yourself then kick over
The chair if you need,
But don't do that please.

I can't feel the same,
You came and forced your hate
Down my throat,
In my face.

I can't feel the same,
You want me to suffer,
So clearly and obviously,
While glorifying yourself as a deity.

I can't feel the same,
With years of regret and selfhate,
Being reopened and wounded,
Repeatedly again and again.

I can't feel the same,
When you stripped me of safety,
Security, love and peace.
You preach what you hate.

I can't feel the same,
I will never feel that way.
You've shattered my glass inner,
With a lack of mercy or empathy.

She can't feel the same,
Yet you'd use that as a way,
To justify your pain and hurting me
Just the same.