Every night I load my riffle
take my post
and wait

The waiting is the worst part
it's like fishing
you have too much time
to think about ****

I usually think about my life
and how much of a loser I was
living under my brother's perfect family home
like a troll under a bridge
distracting myself with Call of Duty
and beer

But then the world ended
and it was the best thing that could have happened
for me, that is

Not so much for my brother
who met his demise while on an evening jog
on an otherwise insignificant Saturday

I didn't know any of this until two days later
coming out of my cave to get more beer
to realize that the only one still there
was my brother's beautiful inconsolable wife
she thought I'd been dead
like everyone else
and awkwardly hugged me

She had just gotten word about her two missing children
the ******* little boy was found
gnawing on his little sister's arm
the rest of her was motionless, on a street a mile away

Killing them is too easy
way easier than I thought it would be
you just follow the rules laid out for us in the folklore
aim for the head
keep your distance
don't second guess yourself
double tap

I'm not a religious man
I have no particular thoughts about the soul
I leave those questions for the priests and philosophers

I don't care
I do my job
and I do it well

I've won
I've taken my prize
I spend my days with the woman I've always  loved
but could never have
and my nights doing what I do best
playing a game

I pull the trigger
it's head explodes
in a gust of red mist
...just like in the movies

This is my sanctuary,
A blank page where I exist.
Where the waves can crash me down
Just to feel the water pound, perfect.
I've been thirsting but, don't drink.
Starving without something meaningful to sink
My teeth into and grip hold.
I'm an old soul stuck in this body I captured,
A sold soul stuck waiting for my rapture.
Don't look at me here, look at you.

If these walls are holding ghosts
At what point do I flow into them too?
At what point do they host my reflection
And in what direction am I wired to move?
Could I be the old grooves in the wood
Waiting for some simple symphony of motion,
The water dripping from the leaky faucet
Still dreaming of being an ocean?

Could I just be these simple bones?
Being pulled by an imaginary fate I trust
Until that reckoning to unknown,
From ash to ash, dust to dust.
This is my sanctuary,
A blank body where I exist.

In a juncture of three years he traipsed ***** nilly close to christ
He was the treasurer and all the finances he kept safe in a pouch hanging on his chest
He was a chosen in the midst of the chosen twelve he existed
All the miracles the son of man performed he witnessed
In his gospel all he recorded
Yet deep within he charred with bitterness he was dissapointed with the long awaited messiah
Tears of hatred soaked his soul
Ironically he felt betrayed this is not the saviour he had longed for
His iron heart had yearned for revolution
All his selfish heart wanted was the surrender of the roman
His heart pumped blood saturated with patriotism and christ with his spiritual
Kingdom was a foe of the jews whose throat were parched with the thirst of a political king
He had been preordained and he had to fulfill the divine decree
It was a calling he couldn't overcome
Thats when the ministry of christ was done and together they sat to eat the last meal the lord dropped a hint about him
He sopped a bread in wine and urged him to hastily fulfill his mission as the other disciples sat there clueless
This was a golden chance for he knew by assuming the role of a traitor he will precipitate the action of messiah and induce him to manifest his miraculous powers
For he longed for this savior to perfom the miracle he had pergorme throughout judea
For thirty pieces of silver he betrayed his master Because of his greed he condemned an innocent man to be banished from the land of living to abyss
And when the son of man was condemned his sense of guilt stirred from a deep slumber
He became despondent at his repulse by the  chief priest and elders he cast down the accursed payment into the santuary
The gnawing guilt took him to a tree and with a thread rope he terminated his life
He burst asunder and for hundred year the smell of his bowels lingered in the potters field of which the betrayal money bought

On the hill of skull the man on the cross breathed last and into hell he descended not only to settle scores with the lord of underwords lucifer but to free the soul of his follower from abyss
For it was written he had to die for salvation of humankind and his betrayer was the first to b redempted

The man called judas triggered a series of pretold happening
The man called judas fulfilled old centuries prophecy
The man called judas ensured redemption knocked in every sinners door
The man called judas jumpsttsarted the birth of christianity
The man called judas need a better slot in our history

in your room, your santuary,
open your laptop,
sit down, relax, let go of the burden you carry.
think of the good, the bad and the worst,
think of what helped you smile the most.
you still feel insecure and alone,
thinking about the past thats gone.
think of the future, the guilt and the pleasure,
weigh it out, see if your life is still a treasure.

by living we learn,
how much our souls can burn,
how much our hearts can mourn,
how much our minds can scourn.

but sometimes we have to let go,
believe that there can be something more,
believe in fate, time let it slow,
let our souls smile and let it glow.

Fading, fading, into black,
The dark envelopes my mind.
Stars turn misty and clarity is lost,
As I fall into the world of dreams.
Nothing can hurt me here,
Everything is calm and perfect.

Suddenly the evil rips through,
The smooth reflection of perfect dreams.
This world is invaded, disturbed, torn apart,
And I awake,
To yet another nightmare...

My santuary is has fallen down.
I need another way out,
Another way to become numb.
Somewhere where the hurt can't find me.

I need somewhere to hide,
Can I not help myself?
I just want my world of dreams again.

But that world is gone,
Nothing is left.

And I pray I'm not alone.

I was born  an Angel
blessed with wings of light and tenderness
I was destined to fly

you broke my wing

you held me back

you took my light
then hid it in
the darkness
of
your illness and dispair
After years of                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  
ha landed in a santuary of healing

you

Born to do right
Truth my might
Taught to hate evil
To fight it with light

Raised in a santuary
Where no one could see me
An angel hidden from sight
In fear of exposure to the world's delight

Time said hi
And I grew by
The gates were opened
And i could fly

Enthralled by a world
Taught to me, decieving
I roamed everywhere
Without a thought of stopping

I met time by a bench
And he waved again
And now im comfortable
With this world's trend

Im still aware of my values
Heck, its etched into my hippocampus
I know I wont betray
And never will I disobey

As I roamed
I found an abode
Where i felt welcome
In this very mysterious world

I came by every day
And I grew more attached
Some days I stayed
And soon overnights were an always

Ofcourse my teachers knew
Of my new found visiting
To the unknown abode
And didnt let it go

They were scared
Of what I could become
That I would be tainted
That I would no longer be perfect

They kept warning me
At first I understood
And wanted to share
The forseen likelihood

It was reasonable at first
But it started to sour
And their warnings
Started to shower

Soon the shower turned to downpour
And It became out of hand
It had no more logic
And I wanted to leave my land

I ran away
And hid in the world
And again I found that home
Which considered me as their own

I met with friends
That lived in the world
And learned to coexist with them
Learned to appreciate the world

As I grew acquainted
Something grew in my head
A feeling that I have felt before
And has returned once more

Memories of my past return
And this feeling began to churn
I felt heaps of coal burn within my chest
And as I unlock my past regrets

Hatred of my home rekindled
Leaving my sanity bewildered
Thoughts of resovle was constant
But Rage became triumphant

Engulfed in Wrath my decision was clear
To turn away truth was painfully near
Now put my former self aside
And wonder whats like on the other side