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Jeremy Betts May 2022
(too long version)

Life indeed pushed me to the edge of the cliffs end but the jump was my decision, no one there could ever be bothered to care enough to even explore the simplest question much less begin thinkin' about askin' what I was thinkin' when I settled on the option I ultimately, on more than one occasion, failed at miserably while attemptin', like the byproduct of rabbits ******' my faults are multiplyin' as my spark goes dark at the same time my shine went dim, not worth restorin' this vessel that sits as decoration in a white trash front lawn deterioratin', startin' from the back end then devourin' the engine

One step forward, two giant leaps back pedalin', that was the general motion of regression, lookin' like I'm plagiarizin' Michael Jackson when he's on stage performin', masterin' that classic moon walkin' he's known for doin', never as smooth as him but you get the picture I'm paintin', losing track of my destination as it began droppin' out of sight behind the horizon, followin' the trail the sun was blazin'

Can't see the forest for the trees and vegetation, could have heard the pre-lumber fallin' if you would only humor me and at least pretend to listen, but that there is somethin' you have zero interest in which is interestin' cause if the past has taught me anythin' about what you find pleasure in it's that you're lovin', above everythin', the chance to keep pointin' out and highlightin' how I'm a terrible human bein', a garbage person but not a man and no CDL license, I'm not pickin' up the trash I'm metaphorically dwellin' in only then to have it pile back up again times ten, ultimately creatin' my own land fill location within, wilfully lettin' recycled misfortune to continue hittin' me on the chin, it's due to inadequate trainin', not for the lack of tryin' to defend

No direction just a lie practiced to perfection too keep 'em from noticin' my state of depression, leave 'em guessin'. But to keep the honesty rollin' in I have a confession, I'd loan you the money to pay attention but you'd never take that good for nothin' offerin' and I ain't even placin' blame, just sayin', I know my position, I'm fully aware I'm on the losin' end of this game of tug-a-war life and I are playin', though I think it's cheatin', countin' cards to ensure a win, gamblin' that I'll give in and fold before noticin' I'm the mark bein' taken, the journey of life is a rigged expedition

What am I doin' besides losin'? Why am I here became the daily question, how do I get out this mess of confusion that's drownin' me to the point of extinction? It's an impossible equation even for a mathematician with years of education, so you know for certain I'm lyin' when, for no good reason, I have a go at answerin'. The slipknot is workin' just as I was expectin', slippin', goin' taunt, slidin' into its final position

I should mention, if you're thinkin' this has taken place solely for attention you're sorely mistaken, you never come to that realization, dodgin' conversation in an attempt to avoid confrontation, leavin' me noticin' there's no one standin' by and extendin' a hand to help and lookin' back there's never been. No one attendin' my lonely execution by decapitation in an effort to stop the spreadin' of harmful misfortune I feed myself, bad for my mental health, a deadly addiction that's become somewhat of a tradition through repetition, turnin' a weapon on myself, worsenin' my condition, that's a fact based observation not an opinion

No resolution in the hard hitting revelation that there's no salvation for someone who's gone and done what I've done and gone on livin' in a web of fear that I first spun for protection but couldn't stop the infestation from gainin' the traction it was needin' for the completion of my complete elimination

Cravin' anythin' real to place my faith in, I'm bein' told the hate and pain I'm bathin' in is of my own creation, I can see the connection as I sit broken down in the intersection of real life and fiction, I've lost control again and once again there's no mulligan. Am I seein' the glass half full or half empty or maybe it's all an illusion regardless of perception? Lost my vision, can't see through the pollution and corruption runnin' rampant with no solution comin', I'm a simpleton so this ***** gettin' confusin', a complete brain malfunction

I've awoken the beast within and just as I was predictin' we instantly began battlin' to the death, fightin' for position and a quicker end to the situation I'm always findin' myself in then findin' out for myself that it's always been my own reflection startin' back in my direction, the ugly inside is finally outwardly projectin', can't even pretend to be my own friend, enough is enough, I'm saying when

Its lurkin' just under the skin, waitin' for the moment to strike and beat me down to nothin'. When will it end? Never I'm guessin'. I'm gonna have to try to put an end to it all myself again, tirin' of the repetition to the point I usually take no action, sometimes due to exhaustion but still just lettin' it all happen like that's what I was plannin' from the beginnin' but that makes about as much sense as quittin' ****** right after the needles insertion or waitin' till after overdosin'

Frustration givin' way to aggravation and aggression leavin' little satisfaction even if I could squeak out a win, but I'm no longer wastin' time waitin' for that to happen so I'll probably most likely be caught sleepin', dreamin' about what could've been had I listened to my gut feelin' and put in the same amount of stock I place in what my treasonous mind and heart are always sayin'
and not let doubt creep in and claim top billin' as it's permanent position, knocking out compassion and reason, replacin' both with the hate and weight of a nation

It's a fools mission, I WILL be beaten' into submission, the last thing I'll hear as my energy gives up on existin' is the mortician statin' then time stampin' my expiration, that and the body bag zippin', family left pickin' out a coffin from the bargain bin, not worth payin' a fortune, only payin' little respect to the fallen then quickly forgotten at the drop of a pin

You're sayin' I have a purpose but I'm witnessin' me wastin' every minute of the earths rotation and never reachin' the conclusion that I was slackin', far to laxed in the preparation for a home invasion of this mental prison I'm caged in where I'm servin' a life sentence and I'm mentally and emotionally starvin' while my vision of any kind of future begins to darken

No open invitation, but that's not stoppin' my personal demon from just walkin' right in and startin' the killin' spree up once again, focusin' first on positive motivation just for existin', of course that's just my imagination, but could you imagine? A horrible vision to the average pedestrian, I know, but I still crack a grin at the thought of it happenin', the devil on my shoulder is at it again

My light fractured through a prism and some went missin' and I never got around to lookin' so no chance of gettin' it back into my possession, there's no raignin' it in, goin' from a fools errand to a search and rescue mission seemingly overnight but for what reason, just to teach me a lesson? I don't test well, I won't make it to graduation

Choices made out of desperation got me lookin' and feelin' like a felon, to survive I had to become the villain of the biography I'm narratin', this isn't livin', at best it's just barely holdin' on for dear life and weakenin', a measly attempt at survivin', forced into an intimate relation with the unforgivable, each of the sinful deadly seven

The line not to cross was paper thin, walked it like a drunk person in front of a couple corrupt police men, heathens but feelin' better than, lost control long ago, before I fell off the wagon, I ain't talkin' about drinkin', it started way back when with prescription medication, ones that were suppose to be helpin' but then used for wreckreation and that's when it began draggin' me down to an underground parkin' garage elevation

I didn't have a break down, like I said, it was a break in home invasion with the assumption there was somethin' worth takin' to begin with but everythin' inside is broken and you can see the corrosion of the foundation built on sand, makin' this temple worth nothin', even self worth is fadin'

Graspin' at the air and yet again findin' nothin', grapplin' with the notion I'm nothin', prayin' my emergency flotation device will suffice cause the water is ragin', feelin' the undertow currant strengthen in it's concentration, I think it's attackin' and there's no escapin' so I began blinkin' SOS in old fashion morse code hopin' you don't need help with the translation, if that's the case then I'm done for, why bother debatin', I'll take myself out of the equation, preparin' my soul for the comin' evacuation

You begin lyin' just to raise my spirits but I ain't buyin' into what you're sellin', counterfeit concern bein' spoken with no emotion or conviction, after the extensive evaluation I see it's no garden of Eden I'm livin' in, again, someone's been lyin', I'd be wakin' right into the den of a rabid lion shrouded in original sin, I ate the fruit knowin' full well it was forbidden, straight up poison but zero ***** were given, so this was bound to happen, the writin' was on the wall, who am I kiddin'?

You have my permission to begin the process so let's just go ahead then and get this over with so I can silence the voices within, I've eliminated every complication, layin' on the tracks at the crazy train boarding station, awaitin' the unavoidable, provin' I was correct in the assumption that this is the right time to initiate my endin', a personal Armageddon...oh, well hello, you must be that Satan guy I've been hearin' so much about from everyone preachin' directly in my ear then going out the other, it's still hard not to listen, I'm just tyin' up a loose end or two then I'm yours for the takin'

...alright, thanks for waitin', now then, let the journey to my endin' begin shall we? I'm takin' the lead on this one cause I know where we're goin' and I'm no good at followin' direction...obviously, it goes without sayin'

©2022
Dezneil Jun 2015
Nah, those ain't his kids, but **** they might as well be
He kept food on that table, made sure they was nice and healthy
They got a dead-beat father, but such a stand-up daddy
He can't figure out why his children's mom is so unhappy
He notice little things, she's startin arguments more often
And he ain't comin home to that plate of food like before when
everything was new and every night was tender love and care
Now he layin down on this side, she way the **** over there
Can't even look in his eyes, missin the way she stared
as he told her how he felt while his fingers ran through her hair
No communication, they whole relationship's hi and bye
He used to hate shoppin with her, now everything's buy and fly
The other day he asked himself, "You just sittin here cryin, why?
Them tears won't make you see things clear, ***** dry your eyes
Y'all best friends, this was built on a lot of lovin
You wanna get back to the top? Get to the bottom of this"
It don't feel too good on the wake up
No breakfast cookin, you could smell the scent of break-up
Time just runnin by while his heart is yellin "Wait up!"
How they still together but he prayin that they make up
It don't feel too good in the evening
No dinner cooked, you could smell the scent of deceivin
E'rybody home, still he feels all alone
And he did what no man should ever do, he went through shorty phone
Smiley face, L-O-L
"I miss you, when I'm seein you again boy, what the hell?"
And he replied, "Hey boo, you know I miss you as well
I just can't play this game no longer, now give that boy his farewell"
And she replied "I know but.." - homie could read no more
Threw her iPhone on the floor and let out the most hurtful roar
Then she walked in the door and said "Baby, are you okay?"
He said, "***** I ain't your baby, what games is you try and play?"
Held up her phone like "Really? This what you doin while I'm away
bustin my ***, takin care of them bills that you never pay?"
And all she had to say was "You went through my phone?" It's fine
He's screamin "How 'bout the kids?" She yellin "Well those is mine!"
The love turned into hate and the hate turned to despise
all in a matter of seconds, he wanted her not alive
Threw his hand around her neck and squeezed, she coughin for her breath
He lost it, wants to lay her in that coffin for a rest
Suddenly, she starts to feel the air restorin in her chest
His lil' boy is on her right side, his daughter on her left
They cryin, she cryin, he cryin, what a mess
Lookin around like "Man, none of this **** is right" and so he left
Filled his gas tank up and then came flyin out that Hess
Drivin while he's stressed, no kinda destination but my guess
is he ain't care where he was goin and how long it took to get there
His heart and soul was weak, he on the local streets in fifth gear
I was wrong though, he knew where he was goin and just why
He pulled up to that lake where they had met that one July
Lookin in his rear-view at a life that looks so dry
The water seem refreshin so he floored it, and told the world goodbye
His loved ones filled his wake up
Tears steady drippin, people trippin on the way up
They view him in that casket hopin maybe he would wake up
His suit is extra sharp, they did a good job on his make-up
Don't feel too good on this evening
A lot of dinner cookin, smell a scent of flowers breathin
Packed funeral home, still he feels all alone
Cause he did what no man should ever do, he went through shorty phone
William Lowe Jr Oct 2019
I believe I finally found,
the love of my life.
If she even give me one chance,
I'd gladly make her my wife.
Then live out my days,
with her by my side.
Leavin' our mark on this Earth,
just like Bonnie & Clyde.
In the way that we love,
you might call us sick.
But could I make it without her ?
And my answer is quick....
I don't think that I could,
nor will I ever.
Imagine a world lived without her,
cuz she's what I treasure.
And she will always be,
for as long as I live...
You see ~ I promised her forever,
And that's just what I'll give.
The redemption she's brought~
you just can't imagine.
Completely restorin' my heart~
through true love & compassion.
Now for once in my life ~
I think I'm finally able to see:
That I'm not all alone ,
tryin' to paddle my way up stream.
She's truly altered my course,
yeah ~ that's just what she's done...
whether we dance in the rain,
or walk in the sun
Now I'm on a new path~
without the sorrow & pain.
And for the times that I've failed~
you'll never hear me complain.
though I'll openly confess~
some of 'em cut like a knife...
But in the end they only help me,
find the true Love of My life

— The End —