One ****** thought
cast out centuries ago.
*******--
the mercury coats,
attracts the gold.
Some furnace reaps undeserved reward.
Big ***, floppy
fun replacable ***
much more effort

im just going to write a bunch of random ****
until i bleed this all out;
i've got a empty well of consciousness
and nobody knows me anymore,
or at least thats what i think

im not happy anymore;
im not sad anymore;
it's better i think, for the most part
but i miss me sometimes
but i cant look back

i have to stop trying to leave **** behind
im starting to block up
all the exits
i dont want to get stuck in this place
with all the nightmares we've had
and ignored
or maybe pretended never existed at all

maybe i seem stable these days
dont we all
i know suffering's everyones little secret
im not vain enough to think im the only one
with problems

but man
these days get heavier so quickly
and the nights last like desert storms

sometimes i get cold at night
but i cant wake up

some days i think ill **** the lights
and then myself
because i cant take living with you anymore
because you ****** me over so bad
and every day
i have to look at you look me in the eye
knowing you're telling yourself
what you did to me was okay

i dont understand
why am i so horrible
why am i so easy to leave
so replacable


you're horrible
why the hell am i the victim
when you're so twisted

Give me a rifle and I will shoot
Give me a knife and I will stab
Give me my fists and i will strangle
This is who I am
a killer at the hand of greedy men
It does what it's told with no hesitation
I am trained to ****, not to care
A replacable pawn in a game of chess
Sworn to obey my king
To fight for freedom, but yet I have none
I am made to ****
This is who I am
Give me a reason....
And I will come after you

Self rejection mostly occurs when your a teen,
There is you, rejection but friends in between,
Your "good" friends keep you from the thought of it alone,
Without friends you have to deal with it on your own,
You see...self rejection isn't easy to hide,
I personally try but only hurt my pride,
Keeping secrets from your friends isnt the best idea,
Friends arent replacable you cant buy them from Ikea,
My friends can easily see if Im depressed or sad,
They're practically the only ones that make me glad,
Friends give you something to live for,
Some of my friends I personally adore,

Dont worry,
Dont cry.
Dont keep making this so ******* yourself,
And keep wondering why you want to try.
You illuminating blinding light.
Watch out for how these sharp teeth bite.
The way they rip and fill you with fright.
Dont worry,
Dont cry.
Dont mourn when its soon to be my time.
Keep wondering why you want to try.
Your survival will be justified,
And im not even afraid to die.
I am a replacable soul,
So lets just dance to this rock & roll.
Dont worry,
Dont cry.
I love you.
Goodnight.

Don't chase, value, love or need
Mass produced replacable things
We seek with hopes they'll make us whole
They'll fill your house but not your soul

Don't skip the ocean to buy souvenirs
Or that's all you'll have in 20 years
Memories, people, experiences, time
You can buy more decor but clocks can't rewind

i am
unvaluble,
vunerable, easily replacable,
broken, scarred,
and damaged,this is too hard.
i can not manage.

i am
a mess, a tragedy, a living breathing catastrophe,
and nobody can save me, maybe i should **** myself,
i dont think that anyone would blame me.

i am
a ghost of the happy girl i used to be,
i lost all of my friends, and somehow i
cant stop making enemys.
i have been destroyed by stress and insecurity.

I’m so tired
Tired of trying
Tired of falling
Tired of never getting back up again

Everyone I see
Is only a better version of me
Prettier
Softer
Marketable

So I spend another night restless
Tearful and alone
Only to wake up once again
To realize how much I hate myself again

Some days I just can’t help but think
If I’m so easily replacable
Why the hell would anyone ever miss me?