"pud" poems
Wala ko gihandom nga ikaw makit-an
ning mga mata
Ug wala usab ko gihandom nga ikaw
higugmaon ko pa,
Kay ikaw wala ko nahigustuan
niadtong mga panahona
Ug sa dihang naibog man nuon ko nimo
karon sa pagsobra-sobra.
Bidli man paminawon, apan kini
mao mo'y tinuod
Tinuod pa sa unsang kamatuoran, wala man
unta ni sa sugod:
Ug sa dihang karon pa na ko
nahibaw-an nga ikaw diay
Ang bugtong kalibutan ning mga tiil
ko nga gibaklay.
Apan ikaw usab langit ug ako
usa lamang ka yuta;
Apan ikaw lisod tawon abton
niining mga kamota
Ug sa dihang asa man ko
karon nga mulugar,
Kay gikinahanglan pa ang tanan
ko nga isugal?
Ug sa dihang gugma nga dili unta
sama sa giatay;
Kung ikaw maako ug ako maimo,
dili ka gayud magmahay:
Pagahigugmaon taka hangtod
sa walay kahangturan
Kay ikaw pud usa ka dyamante
nga tunhay nga handumanan.
Ikaw ra ang naa niining akong
utok ug dughan,
Ug bisan pa'g uklabon mo wala
nay lain, wala nay uban
Kay ikaw usa ka babaye nga lisod
gayud pangitaon ug ilisdan;
Ug sa dihang magapaabot na lamang
pud ko nga ako usab imong makit-an.
Nov 24, 2011
Nov 24, 2011 at 10:08 PM UTC
Kabalo ba mo nga ang love, pag-ibig,
gugma o unsa bay tawag ninyo ana
kay muabot ra nag iyaha?
Di lang jud nuon magsaba
kay wa man gud siyay baba.
Bitaw, unsa man jud tuod diay ng
TRUE LOVE?
O basin THROWN LOVE na ha?
Ana man gud na oh,
sakto na unta!
Siya na unta!
Eh, shunga-shunga man gud ka,
gibuy-an pa jud nimo siya.
Dayon magdangoyngoy ra ba,
maghinuktok ug muingon nga
"Sayang kaayo!"
Apan wa na jud kay mabuhat pa
para ibalik inyong napakyas nga
LOVE STORY.
Sumo biya usahay paminawon
inyong mga pagmahay!
Wa lang jud mi mabuhat
kay bespren biya mi ninyo!
Sige na lang dayon ug hilaka
ug kadugayan PEANUT BITTER na,
hay naku!
Busa, mao ni akong advice sa inyo...
Ana man gud sila nga...
Ang gugma daw mura ra nag itlog...
Basta hugot ra kaayo ang paggunit,
mabuak...
Apan basta luag ra pud,
mahulog ra ug mabuak japun...
busa kanang sakto ra jud...
Unya ako?
Kay danghag man jud kaayo,
busa naa ra ko diri karun
nagsubo ug nag-inusara...
Busa sa di pa mahuman ni akong balak,
naa lang unta koy ipangutana...
Gusto ba ninyo gunitan ang akong itlog?
Nov 20, 2013
Nov 20, 2013 at 2:15 AM UTC
Nakahinumdom ko,
sa una man gyud to
nga kitang duha nagakadungan pa ug baklay
padulong ngadto sa usa ka balay.
Naggunitay sa atong mga kamot
ug ming-ingon nga di gayud
boy-an ang usa’g usa.
Kuntito naman ko, ug gasalig ko
nga ikaw kanunay naa sa akong tapad.
Apan minglabay ang mga oras ug bulan,
paglingi ko usab sa akong kiliran
ikaw napanaw lang ug kalit
ug wa na ko kabawo asa ko ikaw makit-an.
Mingsulay ko ug tagad kay gihuna-huna ko
basin ikaw akong nabiyaan,
paspas biya ko mulakaw ug langay kay ka.
Apan wa man, sa pila na ka adlaw
nakong huwat-huwat, wa gihapon ka,
asa man diay tuod ka?
Ikaw man gud, langay kay ka.
Ug gapadayon na lang ko ug baklay,
pero hinay-hinay lang, para ikaw unta makaapas ra.
Sa paglakaw-lakaw nako,
Nakatagbo ko ug usa ka tawo,
ug mingsulay ko ug pangutana bahin sa imo,
basin ba, ikaw nakalabay na ug nakit-an ka niya.
Grabe, asa man diay tuod ka?
Ikaw man gud, langay kay ka.
Minglabay ang pila ka mga tuig, didto nako nakahuna-huna
basin ako diay gyud ang langay ba,
ug wa nako kaapas sa imoha.
Busa minglakaw napud ko ug paspas kaayo
para ikaw akong maapsan,
dasig lang, magkita ra lagi siguro tang duha.
Apan, ako tawo ra pud biya,
kapuyon ug uhawon pud ug inapas sa imo,
layo na kaya siguro ka ug naabtan.
Asa man diay tuod ka?
Ikaw man gud, gadali ra pud kay ka.
Ug sa dihang nakahapit na hinuon ko
ug laing balay para mupahuway, ug muinom ug tubig,
kapoy biya pud ug pangita nimo sa pila na ka tuig,
siguro, langay lang gyud diay ko,
kay katong tawo nga akong napangutan-an, dugay ko mituo,
nga ikaw pud diay nagtagad kanako,
nga ana pud ka, nga langay ra kaayo ko.
Magkita ra lagi siguro tang duha, hinaot puhon.
Sep 14, 2012
Sep 14, 2012 at 11:30 PM UTC
*gusto pud nako mafeel ang nafeel sa ubang baye.
kana bang panguyaban ka,
tapos isayaw ka sa laki sa tunga sa mga tawo,
haranahon sa balay, tagaan og bulak, magholding hands sa plaza, kantahan, ignan og pick-up lines, og uban pa.
kanang bang pakiligon ka niya.
gusto nako mafeel kung unsay feeling na naay nagmahal nimo.
pero unsaon man nako?
na ako usa ra man ka pobreng bayot
og maot pagyud
dili man ko usa ka baye
usahay makapangutana ko nganong wala pa man ko himoang baye sa ginoo?
muingon sila na ang yawa daw gahimo sa akoa
pero wala man nako gigusto na maning-ani ko.
manghinaot unta ko na naay mahigugma kanako pero kabalo ko nga wala*
hinaot unta na naa kay ako usa ra ka tawo nga nanginahanglan pud og gugma
Nov 14, 2015
Nov 14, 2015 at 8:55 AM UTC
Inday unom na katuig ang nilabay
sa dihang nahikagplagan tika milabay sa balay
sa handumanan ko nahipatik ang katahom sa imong hulagway
may mga panahon sa kasing2x og damgo ko imong kaanyag mobisita gamay
Karon dili masukod ang kalipay sa dihang nagkaila ta
Adunay panahon magkachat ta lingaw sige kog katawa
sa dihang nakahibalo naka sa tinuod og naglagot ka sa akoa
maayo man ng makahibalo ka sa tinuod samtang sayo pa
Kung moabot ang panahon mosugot na ka magdate ta
Por syur ako man jud ng gasto more pa
be conscious lang sa imong dayet aron conscious pud ko sa akong bulsa
kung cge na ta det2x chippy og tubig na lang gani ang order para natong duha
pasabot KKB nalang ta sunod, salamat sa pagsabot hap...
og kung ugaling dili na jud nimo maagwanta imo nakong sugton
ayaw kabalaka ipanaad ko imong gugma akong amumahon
sa kanunay ikaw akong panggaon sa mga gakus ko ikaw akong prisohon
tanan nimong gusto akong buhaton imong mga sugo akong tumanon
Og kung imo naman gali kong sugoon sa merkado
pwede ayaw pud ko paalsaha og bugas isa ka sako
basin og tungod sa kabug-at di nako makaya makaigit ko
kung pwede lang unta kilo kiloha pud na og mahimo.
Apr 11, 2015
Apr 11, 2015 at 5:07 AM UTC
Wala ko gihandom nga ikaw makit-an
ning mga mata
Ug sa dihang karon pa na ko
nahibaw-an nga ikaw diay
Ang bugtong kalibutan ning mga tiil
ko nga gabaklay sa panganod na way hulagway.
Apan ikaw lisod tawon abton
niining mga kamota
Ug sa dihang asa man ko
karon nga mulugar,
Kay gikinahanglan pa ang tanan
ko nga isugal?
Ug sa dihang gugma nga dili unta
sama sa giatay;
Kung ikaw maako ug ako maimo,
dili ka gayud magmahay:
Ikaw ang bituon sa ngitngit kong
baybayon
Ikaw ang katam-is Kalipay na way sama,
Kay ikaw pud usa ka dyamante
nga tunhay nga handumanan.
Ikaw ra ang naa niining akong
utok ug dughan,
Ug bisan pa'g uklabon mo wala
nay lain, wala nay uban
Kay ikaw usa ka babaye nga lisod
gayud pangitaon ug ilisdan;
Ikaw ba nasayod?
sa likod ning pahiyum
Ikaw lang Akong higugmaon
Unta ikaw maka dumdum
Nov 15, 2017
Nov 15, 2017 at 6:25 AM UTC
Ning 'wave' raman ko nimo, dibah maam?
Pero ngano man pud imo ko gireplayan?
Tan-awa naibog na noon ko nimo ug taman taman
Ambot kaha kung ako pa ni mapugngan.
Dili nako tumong sa sinugdanan na ikaw maibgan
Nitext ko sa imo inamego raman unta ang tanan
Kay kabalo ko wala jud kay pagbati sa ako gikan pa sinugdanan.
Pero ambot ngano sa kadugayan ikaw naman ang gipitik ning dughan
Maong ako maingon sa imoha kay salamat
Wala nimo gipasagdaan na ako mata maglurat
Imo gitagaan ug bili ang dughan ko na gikan natuali.
Imo ko gipasulod sa imong kinabuhing walay ali
Tungod ato nasood teka
Nakatext, nakachat, ug matag gabie pa maestorya
Kanindot ba sa niabot na grasya
Pwede ba akoa nalang ka?
Tinood bitaw, walay sagol yagayaga.
Murag binuang pero seryoso ning akong gipangmama
Pero ang tanang pulong na dili kaya isulti sa akong baba
Ako nalang gipaagi niining kabos ko na tula.
Mar 28, 2020
Mar 28, 2020 at 5:28 AM UTC
Nidag.um napod ang kalangitan,
Nanagan na ang mga katawhan,
mga katigulangan ug kabatan-onan,
Nagpangita na sila ug kapasilungan,
Mubundak napud ang kusog na uwan,
Mabasa' nasad ang mga kadalanan,
Nanirado na ang mga baligyaanan,
Kanselado na pud ang mga kalihokan,
Samtang ako ania ra amoang pinuy.anan,
Kanunay nga gahandum sa atong nasugatan,
Nagpangutana, nganung wala naka sa akong kiliran,
Unsa man gyud ang hinundnan ug naingnan,
Nganung sa gugma mo ako imong gihikawan,
Unsa man gyud ang imong basihan?
Dili ba diay ko angay na hatagan?
Hangtud nalang gyud ba ko sa handurawan?
Tinuod nga sa gugma sa ginikanan wala ko gihikawan,
Unsaon taman kining kasing kasing ikaw ang kinahanglan,
Bisan pag dli ni para sa imong kaayuhan,
Nasayud ko nga wala koy kadungganan,
kay matud pa sa uban dle kuno ko kasaligan,
Para mahimo kong usa sa imong mapilian,
Wala na gyud ba kini kalambuan?
Nangandoy lang gihanpon ko na kita mag.uban,
Nga unta puhon makig ila ila sa imong ginikanan,
Bisan nasayod kong wala na gyuy katumanan,
Kay ako usa man lang ka tawng walay hinungdan,
Usa ka taw nga matud pa,"sa kinabuhi walay padulngan",
Pero bisan in-ani ang permi nakong madunggan,
Kanunaay gihapon kong mangandoy ug kalampusan,
Bahala na ug puhon dli ko ma kwartahan,
Basta ang importante ikaw akong maangkon ug mahagkan,
Kung ako Mahimong usa ka taw nga gamhanan,
Magbuhat ako ug mga butang nga kahibulungan,
Usbon nako ang dagan niining kalibutan,
Tapigan ko ang mga buwan ug mga kabituonan,
Akong Hupingon ang mga panghitabo na dle ko masakitan ,
Akong kining hupingon hangtud tika makitan-an,
Kung ako mawagtang man gani pananglitan,
Dili ko maguol kay ikaw ra gihapon akong mapalgan,
Unya sa kung kitang duha mag kita' na man,
Pahunungon ko ang oras sa kailbutan,
Nga ang usa'g-usa ra atong mamatikdan,
Ibalik ko ang kahayag sa buwan ug mga kabituonan,
Magsayaw sayaw kita sa kawanangan,
Ubanan sa kahayag sa mga bituon ug buwan,
Dli na gyud mahitabong muuwan,
kay mga panganod akoang tapigan,
Buhaton ko kining tanan,
Para lang ikaw akoang makauban,
Akoang mahalon ug panggaon hangtud sa lubnganan,
Para kanako mao na kini tinud-anay kalampusan,
Jul 17, 2019
Jul 17, 2019 at 3:04 PM UTC
Extra! Extra! Read All About It !!
Recent Icelandic Sledding accident.
A mountain of Vanilla pudding was mistaken for
the Olympic Sledding Hill.
Professional sledders lined up, leaped on their sleds,
and found themselves floundering in pudding.
The mayhem was only multiplied by swarms
of wild parrots, squawking at sledders as they
thrashed about attempting to dislodge themselves
from the pit of pudding swallowing them whole.
Survivors were taken to Pud'N'Pie Clinic,
for treatment of acute pudding suffocation,
and treated with chocolate syrup and whip cream.
Jan 11, 2011
Jan 11, 2011 at 6:28 PM UTC
Why oh why do I love pie?
The ABCs of it and
the LMNO-Pie of it
A Apple Pie
B Boston cream Pie
C Cherry Pie
D Dutch Apple Pie
E Equation Pie 3.14
F Fruit Pie
G Grandma's Gooseberry Pie
H Humble Pie
I Ice Cream Pie
J Jell-O Pudding Pie
K Kidney Pie
L Lemon Meringue Pie
M Moon Pie
N Nutty Pecan Pie
O Oreo Cookie Crust Pie
P Pud'nin Pie
Q Quick Set Frozen Cream Pie
R Rhubarb Pie
S Sweet Tater Pie
T Tuxedo Pie
U Upside Down Pineapple Pie
V Velvet Truffle Pie
W Whip Cream Pie
X PIE IN THE FACE
Y Yummy Pie
Z Zesty Lemon/Lime Pie
Now you have the XYZ of it
and the PIE of it
Why oh why do you love Pie?
May 31, 2015
May 31, 2015 at 3:17 PM UTC
Christmas is upon us !
Another year is gone
It seems like only yesterday
We celebrated the last one
Adverts on the t.v
Toys upon the shelves
Children are told stories
Of santa and his elves
Food is on the table
Theres turkey , christmas pud
Children on their best behaviour
Trying to be good
Carol singers outside , singing in the street
In woollen hats and scarves they dress
With wellies on their feet !
A snowman stands a guard outside
With a carrot for a nose
Presents under christmas trees
Tied with pretty bows
Jingle bells are ringing
As rudolf pulls the sleigh
The saviour lord jesus
Was born upon this day
Christmas is a time for peace
To last the whole year through
May santa bring his greatest gift
Of christmas joy to you !
Sep 19, 2010
Sep 19, 2010 at 9:47 AM UTC
We doh cur fer fancy werters
Bring us bangers in mashed terters
Gie us pork-pie caressed wi mustard
Rhubarb crumble topped wi custard
If yo’ve got a full day werkin
Black-pudding, eggs, beans and bercon
Un doh keep saying, ‘it’ll do ya no gud!’
We wont loads o’ graerty pud
If yo’me hungry jus the job
A great big hondfull of suetey gob
Grannies rice-puddin wi a gob o’ jam
Branston pickle on hunied-ham
Fish-un-chips wrapped in old newsperper
Ma’s bread puddin, nah that’s the cerper
Un if yo’ve got a babby-sitta
Wash it daen wi Bonks’s bitta
Black-Country fowk doh wont fancy starters
We wont bercon wie grey farters!
Oct 4, 2011
Oct 4, 2011 at 1:48 PM UTC
At work Tinsel on the PC and lights scattered on the tree
Time off to spend with the family
Decorations throughout the house
Christmas Tree too big, needles dropping on the floor
Frantic last minute shopping for stocking gifts from the late night store
Wrapping presents, writing cards ready to send
Mince Pies and Mulled Wine drunk with friends
Laughter from the GrandChildren excited for the day
Elvis Christmas songs on in the car, set on loop to play
Presents opened in pjyjamas sitting on the floor
Lazy breakfast with the Kids, Grandchildren and more
Late meal on the day
Turkey, Pigs in Blanket, Roast Potatoes and veg, all the trimmings
Christmas Pud and Brandy Sauce
Turkey Stew and dumplings on Boxing Day
Meals shared with the family, everyone helping with the food, sharing the load and spreading the love as everyone should
Walks with the neighbours next door and anyone who wants to join in
Popping into the Pub for a welcome beer
Christmas Carols ringing out cheer
Board games out and playing begins, rules changing, shouting, laughing out loud, a bit of playful cheating can be heard
Wrapping up warmly with scarves, hats and gloves
snuggling up to the one that you love.
I love this time of the year - don't you?
Dec 8, 2017
Dec 8, 2017 at 11:45 AM UTC
'I'll see that plate clean,' she said,
'Or I'll send you straight to bed.'
Liver and onions lie in wait,
two choices up for debate.
'I won't hear a word till you've finished.'
It lay there still undiminished.
It's cold, unfit to eat, congealed,
and nowhere can it be concealed.
'You should have thought of that before.'
When I grow up I'll eat no more
of that cabbage, liver - lousy crud.
Give me sweets and crisps, perhaps rice pud'.
She should have thrown it in the bin.
Now I'm stuck, a locust for my sin.
I must eat all, my waists expanding.
Though Mother's gone, her ghost's demanding.
Aug 23, 2015
Aug 23, 2015 at 5:48 AM UTC
The Christmas tree resplendent, decked in magnificence
where peeping out from underneath, bought with benevolence
were gifts, keeping occupied, excited little fingers
the best so far, a wind up car, the worst, two woolly jumpers.
The aroma from the kitchen, kept wafting through the door
with greedy tum' a-rumbling, ( there's more presents to explore )
the table set in splendour, upon that festive day
the brilliance of the cutlery, displayed in bright array.
Crispy roast potatoes, Christmas ******* by each plate
brussel sprouts and chestnuts, ( our dinner guests were late )
roast pork and juicy crack-a-ling, fresh stewing apple sauce
sage and onion stuffing ***** were all for our main course.
Unwrapped and sat a-steaming, and crowned with holly leaves
Christmas pud' and brandy sauce, stared at with disbelief,
tangerines and nuts to shell, dried fruit and pre-stoned dates
and then... as a special treat, dark chocolate 'After Eights'.
Much later still, before bedtime, clothes filled with corpulence
my little belt let out a notch, to ease circumference
and then to bed, much over fed, with dreams of clockwork toys
of Boxing day, of games to play, of Christmas filled with joy.**
... ... ...
'trademark'
Apr 12, 2011
Apr 12, 2011 at 3:36 AM UTC
THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The best day of my life,
the day my son he took a wife.
The bride,
she wore ivory and lace,
there were no elephants involved.
As she brimmed with natural beauty.
She was shining like a holy diamond.
My daughter's they were beautiful creatures,
dressed in pink, as goddesses came,
Goddess bridesmaids.
My son developed a tail for the day,
it was attached to his jacket.
He wore no hat,
for,
it would have spoiled his hair.
The registrar spoke tales of legends
of wedding rings and other things,
My goodness what a day we had.
As she pronounced them man and wife,
God willing, for eternal life.
The bridegroom,
In his speech,
he spoke of family values,
and then we had a laugh,
with tales of swapping shoes with homeless chaps,
in the land of regency.
upon his night of stags and bucks.
The best man,
well, he obviously delved deep into Mark's little black book.
We had fountains full of chocolate,
with strawberries and fudge,
we had roast beef and Yorkshire pud,
Goodness me,
it was so good.
A great big day was had by all,
The music played we had a ball.
Congratulations to you both.
(C) Livvi
Aug 24, 2014
Aug 24, 2014 at 9:57 AM UTC
She was an old Mid-western woman.
She was a distinct type.
A stock-staple character,
Sort of half Beverly Hillbillies Granny,
Throw in a skosh Betty White,
Mixed in with a lot of that old lady
In Driving Miss Daisy.
Southern Indiana:
The Confederacy’s best kept secret.
But I digress.
She was my neighbor in Buckeye, Arizona,
A quaint agrarian township, way out
At the west end of Maricopa County, which is
An hour from the Phoenix airport, the so-called
Sky Harbor International Airport,
Which surely must be near the list’s top:
All-time most pretentious,
Hyperbolic Chamber of Commerce,
Municipal Boosterisms.
Wikipedia English - The Free Encyclopedia
Boosterism: the act of "boosting" (or promoting) a town, city, or organization, with the goal of improving public perception of it. Boosting can be as simple as "talking up" the entity at a party or as elaborate as establishing a visitors' bureau. It has been somewhat associated with American small towns. Boosting is also done in political settings, especially in regard to disputed policies or controversial events.
So, without thinking,
Walking down the driveway
To pick up the morning paper,
I let it slip:
“How are you?”
She’s leaning over the hedge,
As I bend down,
Picking up the local Pravda.
35 minutes later she sums up:
“I had to go to the doctor last night.
Gave me some cream for my pud.”
A twinkle in her eye—
She, my lascivious,
Old lady neighbor
In Buckeye, Arizona.
She had that sweet Mid-western thing
Working for her, her regional mojo.
And I’m right there on her wavelength:
The apple not falling far from my tree,
Or something like that . . .
I am losing my train of thought, here.
Last poem of the day, I guess.
May 21, 2014
May 21, 2014 at 8:50 PM UTC
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Member Doink
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******* Wanki
W a n g D ing
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worst Meat Pop
sicle Meat ther
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Sausage Tube
steak ****** P
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dog Magic wan
d Staff Divine R
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Third leg Tonsi
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drill Jack hamm
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Pole Joystick Ja
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onster Peter On
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snake The Sala
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Lesh trombone
Meat stick Meat
whistle Dobber
Wanger Woody
Shake weight T
iffy Frank and
the beans Ch o
a d t h e dirty
wise man *****
Harry nut cann
on Flesh flute
Satan's clarinet
Sexophone Th e Mayflower ( on
account of all the Puritans who came
on it ) The Wea p o n of A s s
destruction junk mail
Oct 28, 2014
Oct 28, 2014 at 1:37 PM UTC
Bahala na ko,
bahala na ka.
Bahala na tang duha,
bahala na ug magkinaunsa ta.
Ang gugma'ng walay pulos.
Dili na gyud nato mapugos.
Magkita nalang ta sa mga panganod.
Maglantaw sa gugmang gi anod,
sa makusog nga hapak sa mga balod.
Hinaot atuang makaplagan,
ang kalinaw sa atuang huna-huna.
Pag amping sa kanunay, kay ako pud.
Sep 10, 2019
Sep 10, 2019 at 9:53 PM UTC
"Is there anyone for stuffing?
Well done George, send us down your plate,
Auntie, if you've finished with the cranberry sauce
Could you please pass it across to Kate?"
"Brian can I interest you in my brussels?
There's nothing quite like a good sprout,
If anyone wants anything passed,
Don’t wait to be asked, just shout."
"Richard, will you please sit and eat,
And just stop irritating Claire,
No, you better wash your hands first,
You're getting gravy in her hair."
"Ted, you wanted more potatoes,
What, you only want one or two?
But the ones left really aren’t that big,
I'd better pile on a few."
"Sarah, you're not looking after your young man,
The poor boy's been left to starve,
Go and get him some more turkey dear,
Your Father will help you to carve."
“Malcolm, not too much in Grandma’s glass,
You know what she gets like,
Open another red for Father,
I’ll stick to the bubbly-white.”
"Well if everybody's had enough,
I think I'd better finish the peas,
Richard, don't cough over the table,
Remember your manners, please."
"Ah, make way for Father and the Christmas pud,
I hope he hasn't overdone the brandy,
Saints preserve us . . . Father’s on fire. . !!
Oh, well smothered dear, three cheers for Mandy,
Hip, hip, hooray,
Hip, hip, hooray,
Hip, hip, hooray."
"No, Louise, you can't pull the crackers yet,
We're saving those for tea,
Richard, take that stupid tinsel off your head,
And put it back on the tree.”
“Everyone go in the other room and play games,
Just leave all the dishes to me,
I’ll do the washing and drying up,
While I’m sorting out something for tea.”
“Richard please don’t tease the dog,
Claire don’t pin that tail on the cats,
Lloyd, play nicely, stop fighting with Louise,
You’re ruckling up all of the mats.”
“Hmmmnn … not quite enough sherry in this trifle,
Hick … I think there’s probably more in me,
I’m sure I’ve been working far too hard,
Hick … I’m feeling quite dizzy.”
“They say that Christmas comes but once a year
And aren’t I just glad that’s so,
It’s nice to see all of them for a while,
But it’s even better to see them go …”
Nov 28, 2017
Nov 28, 2017 at 3:01 PM UTC
In a room full of pundits and pud-pullers
I just wanna be the poet.
There’s not a ********* thing
that’s wrong with that either.
No, I won’t be that guy reading “Pride and Prejudice”
just so I can get a handle on the *******
zombie movie that’s coming out.
Give me a Mickey Spillane novel
and a slice of pizza.
Give me a Bukowski poem
and a pork chop.
That’s the problem here,
nobody seems to want to recognize their
base nature.
Nobody wants to admit that they still like *****
and ******** a nice ***
and an amazing pair of blue eyes.
Everyone wants to point out what everyone else
is doing wrong while
hiding behind hashtags and keyboards
like chickenshits.
I’ve had enough of it,
and I’ve narrowed my field of
vision, while widening my perspective
You see, I plan to be the best version
of me that I can be
today
then I’ll do it again tomorrow.
If I knock somebody’s drink in
their lap at some point
in between,
I won’t lose a second’s sleep over it.
I’ll just try to do better on the next pass.
***
-JBClaywell
©2016 P&ZPublications
Feb 7, 2016
Feb 7, 2016 at 11:28 AM UTC
Last sunday, we go videoke.
Kaming unom, grabe'g panganta.
Naay nice ug tingog, naay okay ra,
naay wala gyud sa tono, naay nag sabay-sabay ra,
ug naay feeler gyud kaayo nga singer siya.
Niabot ang time, naka feel na mig uhaw.
Ni offer ang isa, isa ka bucket ambot ug unsa.
TOK TOK TOK ayay naa na ang gihulat,
tambal sa uhaw gipatong sa lamesa.
PAK! SMIRNOFF ANG GIDALA!
Kami nagpadayon ug kanta,
kachada sa pamati, sa ilimnong ma'lami.
Niabot ang last nga kanta,
Obladi, Oblada, tala na mamauli na ta.
Nihapit's balutan, mao na po'y gitirada.
Nanglingkod kadjot sa seawall,
nagpahangin gamay usa musakay.
Nipara mig cab kay hapit na alas dose,
sa rural basin mabiyaan mi.
Wa na gibyaan gyud, maygani naay super 5, pero tag 50 gyud.
Kami naabot sa tagsa-tagsang panimalay,
wow kalami sa akuang katulog bai.
Pagmata nako, nganong init kaayo ko?
Wa ko kasabot sa akuang gibati, gitugnaw ko pag ayo.
Yati, ngano man ni? Nag inom man unta kog vitamin C.
Pagka uran2 naa koy gi share sa fb,
nag react akuang miga kay sgalain pud daw iya ginhawa.
Taod-taod nag my day ang isa, gi dextrose kay gihilantan sab siya.
Nag text kos isa pa, kung ga daot pud siya.
"OO" mao na iyang reply,
*** why kami gyud upat dai?
Ang isa silingan ra namo, wala may gibati.
So, isa nalang kulang, akua gitawagan.
Wala mitubag, akuang manghod iyang gi chatan.
"Yes dai gihilantan pud siya", mao nay reply.
Wala nay lain, ang SMIRNOFF mao jud akuang pasanginlan!
Kaming lima baling yarok, sa smirnoff nga mabugnaw.
Ang isa wala nag mind kay nagsaad di gyud siya mo inom.
Mao toy amuang gidangatan, gipang ubo, sip'on ug gihilantan.
Grabe, unsay naa adtong smirnoff nila?
Ngano kaming lima ang naapektohan?
Oct 10, 2019
Oct 10, 2019 at 9:20 PM UTC
His Schwanz stings
Whilst he's *******
In the snow
See it hissing
What a delight
Santa's naked tonight
Urinating in the deutsches Wunderland.
Gone away
Are the reindeer
Are they gay?
Are the elves queer?
Santa's pulling his pud
Looking zo good -
************ in the deutsches Wunderland.
In the mountains Santa builds his Schneemans
And does his lovely little German dance
He's wearing a red coat and, under, no pants
You can see his ***** if you get half a chance.
Later on he'll conspire
To arouse the desire
Of fairies and elves
To feel up themselves
All naked in the deutsches Wunderland.
In the meadow Santa parks his Schnee-sleigh
'Cos he wants us to see his Masturbations -
We’ll have lots of fun with Santa so gay
It will get rid of all of his Constipations.
When Santa comes
It’s so exciting!
For his hot *****
The elves are fighting!
So sing this nice song
And pull on your *******
Coming in the deutsches Wunderland!
Feb 11, 2015
Feb 11, 2015 at 12:48 PM UTC
Sitting round a camp-fire in the middle of a wood
I spied a dozen vampires eating treacle pud
Upon their bloodless heads they shrugged a ***** cowl
While pacing werewolves at their backs let forth an eerie howl
The setting moon was empty as was their heinous bellies
Before them lay uneaten heaps of pies and sweets and jellies
‘It is no good’, said one, ‘I am sick of this malaise.
What this pudding needs is a spot of Crème anglaise.’
May 3, 2015
May 3, 2015 at 6:21 AM UTC
Darl Dudley was a pud with a swelling in his nipper.
Shaving, he forgot to zip his zipper.
The morning was great, he was cheerful and able.
He decided to set the breakfast table.
Seeing the adelaide boots he became unstable.
Yanking at his crotch, before he was aware,
Yiks, he had caught a lot of hair.
Then he broke the zipper off and ashamed, began to swear.
His love entered the breakfast room
saw his bent over form and thought it was a dare.
Darl stood up and held his crotch, his pants slipped down
a notch; red faced he howled a prayer.
"My darlin," she exclaimed. "You seem to be in pain.
Let me help you get your trousers off."
Darl let out a heart felt sigh. Just wanted to cry.
His dinger, hot and swollen with a badly bruised side.
She bent down for a moment to see about his fly and
and ended up with a sharp poke in her eye.
Jul 13, 2010
Jul 13, 2010 at 4:44 PM UTC