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"prozac" poems
--- Sitting in his chair, Laughing at your pain, Abuse driven glory, His only aim, --- Withdrawn from society, Curtains drawn close, Prozac painkillers, Attention less ghost, --- Viral anger, Lack of remorse, Deflecting the pain, Of his parent's divorce, --- A knock at his door, The troll opens it wide, A recognised face, Looks him straight in the eyes, --- Fear grips his body, As she pins him to the floor, Their screams turned to silence, A troll he was no more.... --- The urban legend, Of the internet troll. Punished by the evil... That devoured his soul.
0
Jan 7, 2016
Jan 7, 2016 at 4:45 PM UTC
The Internet Troll
a bottle of scotch had bad dreams. bullets twitch, junk sick in 3 inch thick mustard **** toe nails clipped from yeti lay strewn about the **** stained corpse of a motel six dixie cup - root canal trophy, next to a black fez with scab tassel upended. down in it. belching apnea propaganda and belladonna waiting for curious george to find a shotgun and a yellow hat and a brick banana. blowflies inhale the rank damp of a fresh **** the odd dog whines like a clown in - a blender. [ the ] house wins with a marked card; jabbing fat fingers into acned rosacea bloated with sleep lack and mortgage back stab chasing twenty ****** with a hollow point pull from an acid flask while hailing a black cab. tinsel sutures stitch eyelids as a mercy shattered bone knit hand-grenade cozies old glory, at half mast half wasted fifty stars, no light dragging on the grounds of immunity to do a line of coke stock with a basset hounds' finesse. your taxes at work in columbia, hiding from a lost farm in Idaho your american dream turning tricks in shanghai for a counterfeit egga roll your meme, devoid like an ice cube tombstone your freedom, parking cars for italian escorts smoking skin flutes for ferraris and white teeth. your integrity, sold to a hedge fund for astroglide and a pez dispenser packed with prozac pressed by ' Jose the butcher' s abuela in a narco slum that ain't seen radio since cinder blocks had wings.
0
Dec 26, 2012
Dec 26, 2012 at 2:40 PM UTC
Black Cab Charybdis
Hydrocodone® Lipitor® Zithromax® Zocor® Zoloft® Prozac® Ambien® Fosamax® Coumadin® Klonopin® Neurontin® Naproxen® Simvastatin Albuterol Glucophage Metoprolol I am hurting on my knees Can't afford any of these!
0
Sep 10, 2018
Sep 10, 2018 at 6:03 PM UTC
Medical Genitals
she wanted to die. like you, except, only once at a time where you loved her but didn't know it yet. she - brown eyes, perfect smile (at least you think so), dimples, white teeth, obnoxious laugh. you - tripping fingers, shaky hands, full lungs, tapping feet, brown eyes. the two of you, dull. unnoticed, like the warning labels on your bottle of painkillers and her prozac. the warmth, absent and missing like the liquor someone must have taken from the refrigerator. you thought, it's useless to live for nothing except pain and numbness and numbness and numbness. she thought, it's useless to live for nothing. the two of you, wanting to die trying to die but didn't. couldn't, like that one time you wouldn't get out of bed. and now, together. both smiling, laughing fully but not complete. the warmth, there but not burning. about just enough to keep a fire going. though she swears she feels the heat, you are still gaining back your fingertips from the numbness. numbness. numbness. you thought, it's useless to die if she is here. and now, living. the missing, gone like the old medicine you flushed instead of taking. and your brown eyes, still dull. hers, too. except louder, now, and shinier. demanding, like the heavy parts of the earth. together, and complete. she wanted to die. and you wanted to die, too. and "never again" she says, "because you're never leaving me, and i'm never leaving you."
0
Aug 8, 2017
Aug 8, 2017 at 1:29 PM UTC
here
you are my ****** and I am addicted to having you flow through me but now I have to quit before I get hurt again, I am scared and it is hard to detox, it feels impossible to overcome it I wish it could go back to the beginning, before it turned on me when everything was perfect, and I was euphoric but now, my dear ****** I need my prozac back and I beg of you to return, because I long for you, my sweet ****** this infatuation, this addiction, this needle this love I am addicted to you, and it's hard to let go
0
Nov 12, 2014
Nov 12, 2014 at 6:17 PM UTC
******
i'll admit it i'm just trying to score some prozac; something to supplement the steroids that never seemed to ease the pain. my body never tolerated anything they gave me: all their alcohol distraction, all their **** carelessness, all their acid lifestyle, none of it. as for ecstasy, i never got the dosage right: i've been offered ersatz masterpieces and turned them all down, so they sacrificed their snatches to other gods, who happily and hungrily partook in the appetizing, dangerous bounty for which there is no cure. i was once appeased for my lust and committed love crimes, so i learned not take ecstasy until i tried the steroids. i'll admit it i'm just a pair of eyes in a white ocean
0
May 3, 2011
May 3, 2011 at 1:46 PM UTC
on ******** drugs and the meaning of life
American city, your roads make me gasp, Hold my breath with cancerous anxiety. Your sidewalks, Ancient ruins of time passed: A failed optimism for Utopian desire: A house, a yard, a car for every person. Now derelict, termite infested, but rented. Chlorinated chemical water runs through rusted, moldy spickets to Rinse pesticide seasoned vegetables. And yet they remain so tasteless. But who cares? Suburban middle class zombies? Created with media placed propaganda. Born and inoculated with DisneypepsiMccocacola ideologies. Oh Wal-Mart, how we love your homogenized Chinese products. Oh America, how we love your multi-million dollar cathartic films, They bring my mind to no place and inspire nothing. Your theme park inspired retail caters to any identity I desire: I am a professional, My wallet lined with the best credit cards, SUV, Hummer, Super boat, designer label, mall bought, bleached teeth smile, with slick greasy hair style. I'm cool, I pay for the gas. Beep your horn, and rev your engine. We are at war with each other. Everyone get out of my way: road rage lifestyle: compete or die. Big screen television dream. Bought it at Target. Open my cupboard: Macaroni and Cheese, delicious. Ambian, Prozac, antibiotic, Listerine. Collagen bovine beauty: Manicure, pedicure, dye and wax Acrylic nails, hair extensions And silicone sacs. Oh, American city How we want to steal your money and **** your blood. Chop your trees and cement your grass. American city you are dead.
0
Jan 11, 2010
Jan 11, 2010 at 6:22 AM UTC
American City
American city, your roads make me gasp, Hold my breath with cancerous anxiety. Your sidewalks, Ancient ruins of time passed: A failed optimism for Utopian desire: A house, a yard, a car for every person. Now derelict, termite infested, but rented. Chlorinated chemical water runs through rusted, moldy spickets to Rinse pesticide seasoned vegetables. And yet they remain so tasteless. But who cares? Suburban middle class zombies? Created with media placed propaganda. Born and inoculated with DisneypepsiMccocacola ideologies. Oh Wal-Mart, how we love your homogenized Chinese products. Oh America, how we love your multi-million dollar cathartic films, They bring my mind to no place and inspire nothing. Your theme park inspired retail caters to any identity I desire: I am a professional, My wallet lined with the best credit cards, SUV, Hummer, Super boat, designer label, mall bought, bleached teeth smile, with slick greasy hair style. I'm cool, I pay for the gas. Beep your horn, and rev your engine. We are at war with each other. Everyone get out of my way: road rage lifestyle: compete or die. Big screen television dream. Bought it at Target. Open my cupboard: Macaroni and Cheese, delicious. Ambian, Prozac, antibiotic, Listerine. Collagen bovine beauty: Manicure, pedicure, dye and wax Acrylic nails, hair extensions And silicone sacs. Oh, American city How we want to steal your money and **** your blood. Chop your trees and cement your grass. American city you are dead.
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39
I'm often faced with the question "why don't you just take medicine?" Zoloft Prozac Lexapro Paxil do they take away the memories or replace the words slipping through their mouths? do they stop the fluttering of thoughts racing around my tired brain? do those tiny capsules create apologies or never said goodbyes? do they stop my thoughts at the late hours of the night? do the scars on my wrists magically disapear? do they erase the images of every bad thing that's ever happened? do they suddenly make me good enough for everyone I wasn't?
0
Apr 19, 2014
Apr 19, 2014 at 12:56 AM UTC
Medicine
Dear Prozac, Thank you for saving my life. Maybe one day, I will be a good wife. Ill witted me, now singing softly. Dear Xanax, Thank you, for now I can breath. Too much, and I can’t talk . Just enough, I can barely walk. Dear Adderall, My favorite of the bunch, For you always keep me up. Grinding you in a powder, To feel your mighty ****** Dear Vyvanse, Always necessary and prescribed, When you can never eat, Who needs bulimia nervosa? The daily calories are in my mimosa Dear Ambient, Thank you for the sleep. All the others make me wide-eyed. With you, I feel the day, complete. No longer I will be, a zombie.
0
Mar 4, 2012
Mar 4, 2012 at 2:10 PM UTC
Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday
I wish to get this out in the open, I wish to clarify something I must confess something to those who care about my writing: My sense of humour is... well... If you know me in person, you know my sense of humour or what could be errantly said to be a sense of humour. I draw heavily upon: facetiousness, mythic interpretation, sarcasm, satire, excessive formality, irony, wordplay, a somewhat predisposed tendency towards not taking most things entirely seriously even and almost especially when I am 'supposed to', resorting to profanity on rare occasions, and quite simply and succinctly a ****** up world perspective* amassed over many years of living in this society and from living with my late, similarly minded, brutally honest alcoholic Father, in this society, nonetheless, who in fact was at least *quite ******* directly* responsible for my aforementioned errant sense of humour. If you knew him, you might say that I'm a "chip off the ol' block" in some ways, but I know I'm quite ******* deviant from it in others. So, to those of you who simply know of my existence via this digital outlet/public-sketchpad for my new-found passion of writing down every ******* thing I think it worthwhile to ponder again later, or perhaps even share with similarly minded, or at least accepting people; I wish to convey my deepest and most sincere pity, not in that it is anything that was your doing, just in that you can't possibly know my sense of humour and tasteless applications of irony and satire, and as such; I've probably offended some people. However, for some anomalous reason, some of you seem to like this stuff So I'm going to keep it up. If you read this: thank you, but if you did not, then **** you; however, if you didn't initially read this but were later directed to it by me or by some other personage, fictional or real, or for some other reason happened across it, I rescind the aforementioned **** you" in light of conveying my deepest and most sincere "Thank you for putting up with my weird-ass ******** I appreciate anyone who finds any value in my works. I also appreciate the improbable nature of anyone liking my brain-vomit. I love creating and I love sharing my creations, so when that all works out, I'm ******* fit as a fiddle; Giddy as a schoolgirl on Prozac; Happier than a young necrophiliac who achieves his boyhood ambition of becoming coroner.
0
Apr 20, 2013
Apr 20, 2013 at 7:02 PM UTC
Prelude to an errant sense of Humour
I wish to get this out in the open, I wish to clarify something I must confess something to those who care about my writing: My sense of humour is... well... If you know me in person, you know my sense of humour or what could be errantly said to be a sense of humour. I draw heavily upon: facetiousness, mythic interpretation, sarcasm, satire, excessive formality, irony, wordplay, a somewhat predisposed tendency towards not taking most things entirely seriously even and almost especially when I am 'supposed to', resorting to profanity on rare occasions, and quite simply and succinctly a ****** up world perspective* amassed over many years of living in this society and from living with my late, similarly minded, brutally honest alcoholic Father, in this society, nonetheless, who in fact was at least *quite ******* directly* responsible for my aforementioned errant sense of humour. If you knew him, you might say that I'm a "chip off the ol' block" in some ways, but I know I'm quite ******* deviant from it in others. So, to those of you who simply know of my existence via this digital outlet/public-sketchpad for my new-found passion of writing down every ******* thing I think it worthwhile to ponder again later, or perhaps even share with similarly minded, or at least accepting people; I wish to convey my deepest and most sincere pity, not in that it is anything that was your doing, just in that you can't possibly know my sense of humour and tasteless applications of irony and satire, and as such; I've probably offended some people. However, for some anomalous reason, some of you seem to like this stuff So I'm going to keep it up. If you read this: thank you, but if you did not, then **** you; however, if you didn't initially read this but were later directed to it by me or by some other personage, fictional or real, or for some other reason happened across it, I rescind the aforementioned **** you" in light of conveying my deepest and most sincere "Thank you for putting up with my weird-ass ******** I appreciate anyone who finds any value in my works. I also appreciate the improbable nature of anyone liking my brain-vomit. I love creating and I love sharing my creations, so when that all works out, I'm ******* fit as a fiddle; Giddy as a schoolgirl on Prozac; Happier than a young necrophiliac who achieves his boyhood ambition of becoming coroner.
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37
mouthwatering anxiety disorder dishes of psychopathy Bulimia and ADHD sparkle reach in a hand take a few and a few bottles of ritalin and prozac too you will love it
0
Nov 11, 2012
Nov 11, 2012 at 12:53 AM UTC
disorder
symptoms of anhedonia.                    a triumvirate, perceived                    Inanition& Inertia& Inaptitude:                                       they are ugly triplets who hide under leather                                       and self-loathing &stink of last night’s pinot                                       noir                                              from **** knows where.                    their fingers, cigarette-stained and calloused,                    reach into my prozac pillboxes                    &crunch my anxiety (meds)                    into fluoxetine powder and ivory between                    their yellowing teeth. I Do Not Cry When The Sandman Knocks                                       For He Sits At                                      midnight:the witching hour,whenthe My Porch Bearing Sweet                                      siblings curl up besides me to Dreams &Sister Death, Whose Touch                   ,                   ravage; I’ve Long Wished For                                                         *they will not                                                                                        leave me                                                                            untilthe                                                          cloyingly sweet                                          perfume of Death        is scrubbed clean fromthe                                                                             pulse                                                                             point                                                                             of                                                                             my                                                                             wrists* There is nothing There is nothing There is nothing There is nothing There is nothing for you here. Nothing will bring me back. In three years time I’ll still be dead. My bed sheet is my shroud and Death holds my wrists in a vice grip. He still leads me below.                                       here is the untruth:                                                          i am here,                                                          Penelope at her loom,                                                          waiting for a lost lover whom I know                                                          will take ten years to come back to                                                          my awaiting arms.                                       here is the untruth:                                                          in three years time,                                                          I’ll still be dead.                                       here is the truth:                                                          nothing exists six feet under except:                                                          hell                                                          chalk dust                                                          powdered calcium.
0
Jun 3, 2017
Jun 3, 2017 at 12:02 PM UTC
symptoms of anhedonia
symptoms of anhedonia.                    a triumvirate, perceived                    Inanition& Inertia& Inaptitude:                                       they are ugly triplets who hide under leather                                       and self-loathing &stink of last night’s pinot                                       noir                                              from **** knows where.                    their fingers, cigarette-stained and calloused,                    reach into my prozac pillboxes                    &crunch my anxiety (meds)                    into fluoxetine powder and ivory between                    their yellowing teeth. I Do Not Cry When The Sandman Knocks                                       For He Sits At                                      midnight:the witching hour,whenthe My Porch Bearing Sweet                                      siblings curl up besides me to Dreams &Sister Death, Whose Touch                   ,                   ravage; I’ve Long Wished For                                                         *they will not                                                                                        leave me                                                                            untilthe                                                          cloyingly sweet                                          perfume of Death        is scrubbed clean fromthe                                                                             pulse                                                                             point                                                                             of                                                                             my                                                                             wrists* There is nothing There is nothing There is nothing There is nothing There is nothing for you here. Nothing will bring me back. In three years time I’ll still be dead. My bed sheet is my shroud and Death holds my wrists in a vice grip. He still leads me below.                                       here is the untruth:                                                          i am here,                                                          Penelope at her loom,                                                          waiting for a lost lover whom I know                                                          will take ten years to come back to                                                          my awaiting arms.                                       here is the untruth:                                                          in three years time,                                                          I’ll still be dead.                                       here is the truth:                                                          nothing exists six feet under except:                                                          hell                                                          chalk dust                                                          powdered calcium.
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44
Prozac It’s my own drug Like a personalized brand of ******* Bringing me high as a kite Not on the effects of a narcotic But on fake happiness Prozac Almost as addictive as **** Leaving me with an ache behind my eyes When it fades away it leaves me with nothing No protection, no refuge from the insanity Only me Only me Only me Only me Only me. Prozac Oh how I breathe for you I desire to be carried away from this hollow place This empty room This cold-hearted house Fly me away Allow me to perch upon your pure white wings And get taken to a place that doesn’t exist
0
Oct 15, 2016
Oct 15, 2016 at 8:49 PM UTC
Fluoxetine
#1. What in the world          possessed you to do that!?@#$%^ My god . . . that was so stupid and careless! #2. Why? . . . I trusted my intuition. My heart believed, emotional logic compelled me. Fluid, spontaneous from the gut. #1. You’re crazy. I would never put myself at risk like that. #2. What risk? Getting harrassed by the mind police? They don't own me. #1. But they punished you. #2. No, just a little         desperate flaggelation. #2. But look at yourself all boxed up, stigmatized and branded. #1. You mean the labels? Those words they use to define me? #2. Yes, you’re a bad person. #1. No, I’m not. #2. Yes, you are. ... and they argued til dawn neither knowing nature does not declare winners but admires innovation.... like when Magellan sailed off no edges when Einstein confounded everyone by sailing in his head when the Wright Brothers lifted off when Tesla moved electrons when Christ embraced the centurions when Gautama just sat down when the librarian refused to take Catcher in the Rye off the shelf when Lenny Bruce swore on stage when Leary and Alpert left Harvard when Joan of Arc refused to recant when Gandhi and friends burned their English wool when Jung declared a spiritual psyche when the UFC earned a huge Neilsen so be your own guru take kava kava instead of Prozac barter with your hair stylist and when someone says you are wrong ask them why there are no dinosaurs in the Bible.
0
Dec 5, 2012
Dec 5, 2012 at 9:18 AM UTC
THE FIGHT
⚠Trigger Warning; the following poem contains subject matter pertaining to suicide, self-harm, and eating disorders⚠ ------------------------------------------------------------------- how do u know if ur having a nervous breakdown ------------------------------------------------------------------- signs of a nervous breakdown ------------------------------------------------------------------- can u be hospitalized for having a nervous breakdown ------------------------------------------------------------------- grounds for admission to a psychiatric ward ------------------------------------------------------------------- what's it like being admitted to a psychiatric ward ------------------------------------------------------------------- thirteen reasons why hannah baker suicide scene ------------------------------------------------------------------- how do u know if ur having a panic attack ------------------------------------------------------------------- are panic attacks and anxiety attacks the same thing ------------------------------------------------------------------- whats the difference between a panic attack and an anxiety attack ------------------------------------------------------------------- generalized anxiety disorder symptoms ------------------------------------------------------------------- thirteen reasons why hannah baker suicide scene ------------------------------------------------------------------- borderline personality disorder symptoms ------------------------------------------------------------------- thirteen reasons why hannah baker slitting her wrists ------------------------------------------------------------------- why are my hands always cold ------------------------------------------------------------------- prozac side effects ------------------------------------------------------------------- thirteen reasons why hannah baker slitting her wrists ------------------------------------------------------------------- bipolar disorder symptoms ------------------------------------------------------------------- seroquel side effects ------------------------------------------------------------------- does seroquel make you gain weight ------------------------------------------------------------------- thirteen reasons why hannah baker slitting her wrists ------------------------------------------------------------------- how to refrain from eating ------------------------------------------------------------------- how to force yourself to throw up ------------------------------------------------------------------- eating disorder symptoms ------------------------------------------------------------------- binge eating disorder symptoms ------------------------------------------------------------------- bulimia symptoms ------------------------------------------------------------------- anorexia symptoms ------------------------------------------------------------------- thirteen reasons why hannah baker slitting her wrists ------------------------------------------------------------------- insomnia ------------------------------------------------------------------- can you overdose on melatonin ------------------------------------------------------------------- thirteen reasons why hannah baker slitting her wrists ------------------------------------------------------------------- how did sylvia plath **** herself ------------------------------------------------------------------- carbon monoxide poisoning ------------------------------------------------------------------- thirteen reasons why hannah baker slitting her wrists ------------------------------------------------------------------- how many advils do I have to take to **** myself ------------------------------------------------------------------- thirteen reasons why hannah baker slitting her wrists ------------------------------------------------------------------- major depressive disorder symptoms ------------------------------------------------------------------- suicide warning signs ------------------------------------------------------------------- IS PATH WARM ------------------------------------------------------------------- thirteen reasons why hannah baker slitting her wrists ------------------------------------------------------------------- tortured artist ------------------------------------------------------------------- why did vincent van gogh cut off his ear ------------------------------------------------------------------- virginia woolf suicide note ------------------------------------------------------------------- thirteen reasons why hannah baker slitting her wrists ------------------------------------------------------------------- songs about suicide ------------------------------------------------------------------- thirteen reasons why hannah baker slitting her wrists ------------------------------------------------------------------- thirteen reasons why soundtrack ------------------------------------------------------------------- billie eilish lovely lyrics ------------------------------------------------------------------- thirteen reasons why hannah baker slitting her wrists ------------------------------------------------------------------- why do I feel so empty ------------------------------------------------------------------- thirteen reasons why hannah baker slitting her wrists ------------------------------------------------------------------- empty ------------------------------------------------------------------- thirteen reasons why hannah baker slitting her wrists ------------------------------------------------------------------- i wish i was dead
0
Jan 13, 2019
Jan 13, 2019 at 1:49 PM UTC
My Google Search History
⚠Trigger Warning; the following poem contains subject matter pertaining to suicide, self-harm, and eating disorders⚠ ------------------------------------------------------------------- how do u know if ur having a nervous breakdown ------------------------------------------------------------------- signs of a nervous breakdown ------------------------------------------------------------------- can u be hospitalized for having a nervous breakdown ------------------------------------------------------------------- grounds for admission to a psychiatric ward ------------------------------------------------------------------- what's it like being admitted to a psychiatric ward ------------------------------------------------------------------- thirteen reasons why hannah baker suicide scene ------------------------------------------------------------------- how do u know if ur having a panic attack ------------------------------------------------------------------- are panic attacks and anxiety attacks the same thing ------------------------------------------------------------------- whats the difference between a panic attack and an anxiety attack ------------------------------------------------------------------- generalized anxiety disorder symptoms ------------------------------------------------------------------- thirteen reasons why hannah baker suicide scene ------------------------------------------------------------------- borderline personality disorder symptoms ------------------------------------------------------------------- thirteen reasons why hannah baker slitting her wrists ------------------------------------------------------------------- why are my hands always cold ------------------------------------------------------------------- prozac side effects ------------------------------------------------------------------- thirteen reasons why hannah baker slitting her wrists ------------------------------------------------------------------- bipolar disorder symptoms ------------------------------------------------------------------- seroquel side effects ------------------------------------------------------------------- does seroquel make you gain weight ------------------------------------------------------------------- thirteen reasons why hannah baker slitting her wrists ------------------------------------------------------------------- how to refrain from eating ------------------------------------------------------------------- how to force yourself to throw up ------------------------------------------------------------------- eating disorder symptoms ------------------------------------------------------------------- binge eating disorder symptoms ------------------------------------------------------------------- bulimia symptoms ------------------------------------------------------------------- anorexia symptoms ------------------------------------------------------------------- thirteen reasons why hannah baker slitting her wrists ------------------------------------------------------------------- insomnia ------------------------------------------------------------------- can you overdose on melatonin ------------------------------------------------------------------- thirteen reasons why hannah baker slitting her wrists ------------------------------------------------------------------- how did sylvia plath **** herself ------------------------------------------------------------------- carbon monoxide poisoning ------------------------------------------------------------------- thirteen reasons why hannah baker slitting her wrists ------------------------------------------------------------------- how many advils do I have to take to **** myself ------------------------------------------------------------------- thirteen reasons why hannah baker slitting her wrists ------------------------------------------------------------------- major depressive disorder symptoms ------------------------------------------------------------------- suicide warning signs ------------------------------------------------------------------- IS PATH WARM ------------------------------------------------------------------- thirteen reasons why hannah baker slitting her wrists ------------------------------------------------------------------- tortured artist ------------------------------------------------------------------- why did vincent van gogh cut off his ear ------------------------------------------------------------------- virginia woolf suicide note ------------------------------------------------------------------- thirteen reasons why hannah baker slitting her wrists ------------------------------------------------------------------- songs about suicide ------------------------------------------------------------------- thirteen reasons why hannah baker slitting her wrists ------------------------------------------------------------------- thirteen reasons why soundtrack ------------------------------------------------------------------- billie eilish lovely lyrics ------------------------------------------------------------------- thirteen reasons why hannah baker slitting her wrists ------------------------------------------------------------------- why do I feel so empty ------------------------------------------------------------------- thirteen reasons why hannah baker slitting her wrists ------------------------------------------------------------------- empty ------------------------------------------------------------------- thirteen reasons why hannah baker slitting her wrists ------------------------------------------------------------------- i wish i was dead
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107
I don't need drugs. My brain is drugs. Maybe it's a side effect of a mother that dropped acid for the first trimester of pregnancy and then some. Maybe it's a side effect of the abusive step father that told me I would never amount to anything and that I am ******** My brain processes things at about a hundred miles per hour. In conversations I am always three steps ahead of what ever was said last. I make connections in things that are unconnected. They tell me this is adult ADHD. They tell me I should be proscribed a pill to help my brain focus. But focus isn't what I want. Nor is the drowsiness that comes with Lorazepam, the fog that goes with Prozac. I have been separately proscribed these things without ever filling the bottles. But I fear that if I fix all my chemical imbalances, my medical maladies, that I will disappear into a fog. Who am I without my OCD, without my brain over processing, over loving, over caring. Without the pain in my chest from another panic, my bouncing off the walls and singing to myself. Maybe I am unwell. But who am I without my unwellness?
0
Jul 17, 2015
Jul 17, 2015 at 2:37 AM UTC
Drugs
Looking back, we never saw this coming. Our roller blades had a relationship with the warm summer ground on Friday nights when our parents would gather over margaritas and wine; an escape hatch from the 9 to 5 work week. We killed fireflies the way we chew on hearts of the ones we love, rubbing their luminescent bulbs on the toes of our shoes so that our steps might light up the night for just a little bit longer and maybe, just maybe, we could hold off on growing up. Looking back, we all  wish we could have stayed. But bare foot soccer on concrete turned into binge drinking, and alcohol poisoning and neighborhood gatherings stopped being kind.  We swapped Air Heads and Pokemon cards for flavored condoms and a drivers license, only to find that everything we threw away was worth so much more than the high school bullies, and boys with roofies, and the girls with tears running down into their tissue stuffed chests.  We gave up our golden years, and to make up for it we stuff Prozac down our throats with a desperate belief that childhood happiness can be found in an orange pharmacy bottle. Hoping, I think, that someone will come along and tell us we've done everything right, and would we, for our reward, like our innocence returned. Looking back, I guess we just couldn't comprehend. We never knew that every day the pages turned and we were slowly losing our love of fun dip and cheap private-school valentines.  We were starting to forget the pride that came with the title of King in foursquare,  or the way it felt to let go and jump from the highest point of the swing.   Instead we staked out cafeteria seats and tried to figure out why having blonde highlights, or contacts instead of glasses suddenly made you better than everyone else. Looking back, it all seems so sweet. Then again, they say hindsight is 20/20.
0
Feb 17, 2013
Feb 17, 2013 at 12:38 AM UTC
Innocence
Looking back, we never saw this coming. Our roller blades had a relationship with the warm summer ground on Friday nights when our parents would gather over margaritas and wine; an escape hatch from the 9 to 5 work week. We killed fireflies the way we chew on hearts of the ones we love, rubbing their luminescent bulbs on the toes of our shoes so that our steps might light up the night for just a little bit longer and maybe, just maybe, we could hold off on growing up. Looking back, we all  wish we could have stayed. But bare foot soccer on concrete turned into binge drinking, and alcohol poisoning and neighborhood gatherings stopped being kind.  We swapped Air Heads and Pokemon cards for flavored condoms and a drivers license, only to find that everything we threw away was worth so much more than the high school bullies, and boys with roofies, and the girls with tears running down into their tissue stuffed chests.  We gave up our golden years, and to make up for it we stuff Prozac down our throats with a desperate belief that childhood happiness can be found in an orange pharmacy bottle. Hoping, I think, that someone will come along and tell us we've done everything right, and would we, for our reward, like our innocence returned. Looking back, I guess we just couldn't comprehend. We never knew that every day the pages turned and we were slowly losing our love of fun dip and cheap private-school valentines.  We were starting to forget the pride that came with the title of King in foursquare,  or the way it felt to let go and jump from the highest point of the swing.   Instead we staked out cafeteria seats and tried to figure out why having blonde highlights, or contacts instead of glasses suddenly made you better than everyone else. Looking back, it all seems so sweet. Then again, they say hindsight is 20/20.
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43
Some say the end is near. Some say we'll see Armageddon soon. I certainly hope we will. I sure could use a vacation from this ******** three ring circus sideshow of freaks here in this hopeless ******* hole we call L.A., The only way to fix it is to flush it all away. Any ******* time. Any ******* day. Learn to swim, I'll see you down in Arizona Bay. Fret for your figure and Fret for your latte and Fret for your lawsuit and Fret for your hairpiece and Fret for your Prozac and Fret for your pilot and Fret for your contract and Fret for your car, It's a ******** three ring circus sideshow of freaks here in this hopeless ******* hole we call L.A., The only way to fix it is to flush it all away. Any ******* time. Any ******* day. Learn to swim, I'll see you down in Arizona Bay. Some say a comet will fall from the sky. Followed by meteor showers and tidal waves. Followed by fault lines that cannot sit still. Followed by millions of dumbfounded dipshits. Some say the end is near. Some say we'll see Armageddon soon. I certainly hope we will cause I sure could use a vacation from this Stupid **** silly **** stupid **** One great big festering neon distraction, I've a suggestion to keep you all occupied: Learn to swim. [x2] Mom's gonna fix it all soon. Mom's coming 'round to put it back the way it ought to be. Learn to swim. **** L. Ron Hubbard and **** all his clones. **** all these gun-toting Hip gangster wannabes. Learn to swim. **** retro anything. **** your tattoos. **** all you junkies and **** your short memory. Learn to swim. **** smiley glad-hands with hidden agendas. **** these dysfunctional, Insecure actresses. Learn to swim. Cause I'm praying for the end; I'm praying for tidal waves I wanna see the ground give way. I wanna watch it all go down. Mom, please flush it all away! I wanna see it go right in and down. I wanna watch it go right in. Watch you flush it all away. Time to bring it down again. Don't just call me pessimist. Try and read between the lines. I can't imagine why you wouldn't Welcome any change, my friend. I wanna see it all come down. **** it down. Flush it down.
0
Apr 2, 2013
Apr 2, 2013 at 5:54 PM UTC
'Ænema' by Tool
Some say the end is near. Some say we'll see Armageddon soon. I certainly hope we will. I sure could use a vacation from this ******** three ring circus sideshow of freaks here in this hopeless ******* hole we call L.A., The only way to fix it is to flush it all away. Any ******* time. Any ******* day. Learn to swim, I'll see you down in Arizona Bay. Fret for your figure and Fret for your latte and Fret for your lawsuit and Fret for your hairpiece and Fret for your Prozac and Fret for your pilot and Fret for your contract and Fret for your car, It's a ******** three ring circus sideshow of freaks here in this hopeless ******* hole we call L.A., The only way to fix it is to flush it all away. Any ******* time. Any ******* day. Learn to swim, I'll see you down in Arizona Bay. Some say a comet will fall from the sky. Followed by meteor showers and tidal waves. Followed by fault lines that cannot sit still. Followed by millions of dumbfounded dipshits. Some say the end is near. Some say we'll see Armageddon soon. I certainly hope we will cause I sure could use a vacation from this Stupid **** silly **** stupid **** One great big festering neon distraction, I've a suggestion to keep you all occupied: Learn to swim. [x2] Mom's gonna fix it all soon. Mom's coming 'round to put it back the way it ought to be. Learn to swim. **** L. Ron Hubbard and **** all his clones. **** all these gun-toting Hip gangster wannabes. Learn to swim. **** retro anything. **** your tattoos. **** all you junkies and **** your short memory. Learn to swim. **** smiley glad-hands with hidden agendas. **** these dysfunctional, Insecure actresses. Learn to swim. Cause I'm praying for the end; I'm praying for tidal waves I wanna see the ground give way. I wanna watch it all go down. Mom, please flush it all away! I wanna see it go right in and down. I wanna watch it go right in. Watch you flush it all away. Time to bring it down again. Don't just call me pessimist. Try and read between the lines. I can't imagine why you wouldn't Welcome any change, my friend. I wanna see it all come down. **** it down. Flush it down.
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70
Pocket full of clacking around benzodiazepines Xanax, Klonopin, and ****** Am I late for class? Am I late for work? Am I late for my own life? (truth)   Is this really any normal kind of respite or relaxation? Chemistry really has come a long way to introduce us to induced relaxation(?) pills. My Mr. Dr. says it should help with my anxiety, but it only seems to cloud me in my depravity: I steal, I lie, and I wake up naked in unknown bedrooms in unknown cities with unknown women. Who…did they steal my wallet? And where the **** are my car keys? Better yet, where in Allah’s name is my car? OH! Lord Jesus Christ OH! God of the Jews I cry out, Forgive me (lie) for I hath sinned. I suddenly want to do every drug (truth) ever made, you name it, I’ll try it, just this once, of course. I don’t have an addictive personality (lie) The Dr. says it is OK if I take 4mg of Xanax a day (truth), hence it must be safe (lie), right?  A Dr. can’t lie, can he? Wait! Where am I again? And, what are we doing here? Oh…that’s right, we are kids going nowhere (truth), how silly of me to forget. If this is Prozac Nation, then I am the ****** State. My governor is the late William Burroughs (lie) and my deputy is the late Kurt Cobain (lie). We are not in this for the fame (lie), a state run by the deceased. So, how dare you point a finger at me in blame. This is Drug Nation, America-home of the sedated and land of the overdose.
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May 18, 2016
May 18, 2016 at 8:13 PM UTC
Prozac Nation (deceased truth living lies)
This is for all the men Who tell me I am beautiful I can't hear you Through all those years Of being an ugly duckling This is for my dog Big blue eyes My baby snugglebug Sniffing for donuts Chewing my hands in the morning And the nail biters And the chefs Who lose fingers to the meatgrinders And the farmers Staking lives On a drop of rain I am vain This is for the men Who have faith I am not the ****** Mary Just another pretty face Another lacy thong to take off This is for the underwear makers The firecrackers This is for the characters Who explode in the night sky Like the fourth of July And ordinary people Are blinded by the colors This is for the mothers And the big brothers And the Prozac poppers This is for the bees that have stung me I've eaten their honey And my cakes would not taste So sweet without it This is for the surgeons And musicians And fishermen For the men who have bought me dinner And never seen a return On their investment This is for the beards And chest hair This is for my little sister Who is finally growing up The word "love" on her tongue And this is for America: Land of the free Home of the mancave Beauty is only as deep As your mineral rights The copper and coal mines of your eyes Beauty flies as high as kite Melts away like cotton candy After a baseball game This is for the men who called me beautiful For all the beauty in the world All the beautiful This is for you
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May 18, 2013
May 18, 2013 at 9:43 PM UTC
Dedication
it's three months later and the tune of our love still echoes through the labyrinth of my prozac-poisoned cerebrum it's the sound of rainy evenings in whitewashed suburban neighborhoods overwhelming me as it ricochets off the cold stone it's the ghost of your hand holding mine so tight and it feels like home as I stand here alone even as the symphony changes key to red hair and bright blue eyes the cadence of you still rings in my mind
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Nov 9, 2013
Nov 9, 2013 at 7:36 PM UTC
cadence
Millenials. The world ******* hates us. We whine for a living We feed ourselves with Xanax and Prozac To remind the world that we are broken Problem? I don't think so We accuse the world of being awful We accuse life, a life we have not lived yet Of being too cruel when we are the ones Who cut ourselves open for a heart we long to love We look for the kiss that will heal our self inflicted injuries Well, dear millenial, "there is no tyrant like a brain" We will keep cutting ourselves Keep drinking ourselves to sleep Keep poisoning our mind with this "Golden Age Thinking" Until we understand that We are stuck here. And life does not need to be good to us Life owes us nothing. Poetry and Paintings won't save the world. Do it yourself
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Dec 9, 2015
Dec 9, 2015 at 10:34 PM UTC
Millenials
Back home, There is a boy With red hair, freckles, And eyes the shade of blue His mother calls "lady killers." He's colorblind; At least enough to believe In jellyfish. His father builds houses With a rib-less heart The boy calls home. His mother, Sews trust with her spine. And thirty years later They still find love In the lonely isles of The local Laneco. His teacher says He needs a pen pal, So after school He writes to me: "Hi, how are you." "I'm fine, thanks, and you?" And then he asks me What it's like to be "Grown up" And just how many Stars I've scarred With nothing but the rusty Edge of my name. So I fold the Envelope of this Crinkled heart into a letter Of tattered Bibles From hotel drawers of Lost loves and dead friends And find the courage To tell him what Being a man means. I tell him: We call it growing up Because boulders Always roll down. It's refusing CPR For every time you drown In your own pride. It's loving a girl For every time she tried. Tried to Convince your tunnel vision That her body is not a cave. That respecting a woman Is more important Than how well you pave Your parking lot heart. Shallow like a baking pan. This is an apology. For every man Who ever thought a woman's body Is the only temple worth praying to. Making four leaf clovers From petals of roses Trying to get lucky. I know it's not lovely, To kiss someone who Is so constantly Full of ******** And I'll admit it. I'm not yet Where I need to be But I thank God That I'm no longer Where I use to See I'm used to Smoking way too many *** scenes to know that There is not enough Alcohol in the world To ever clear my mind. And I have caused way Too many Prozac commercials To know that there is No effective dosage For this disorder Of indecency. To know that it is No measure of good health To be well adjusted To a sick society Of mechanical men Always worried about Who and when they're going To plug into. So I tell him: You are not a robot, A computer, or a program. And your choices are the only Thing that will ever make you a man. So strap up your boots, Bury the ashes, Shake the dust, And dandelion your Heart in every Direction of home. But most importantly, Go easy on the ladies; Because The older I get and More I learn about myself The more I'm writing With my eraser Than with anything else.
0
Dec 3, 2015
Dec 3, 2015 at 12:39 PM UTC
Lady killer
Back home, There is a boy With red hair, freckles, And eyes the shade of blue His mother calls "lady killers." He's colorblind; At least enough to believe In jellyfish. His father builds houses With a rib-less heart The boy calls home. His mother, Sews trust with her spine. And thirty years later They still find love In the lonely isles of The local Laneco. His teacher says He needs a pen pal, So after school He writes to me: "Hi, how are you." "I'm fine, thanks, and you?" And then he asks me What it's like to be "Grown up" And just how many Stars I've scarred With nothing but the rusty Edge of my name. So I fold the Envelope of this Crinkled heart into a letter Of tattered Bibles From hotel drawers of Lost loves and dead friends And find the courage To tell him what Being a man means. I tell him: We call it growing up Because boulders Always roll down. It's refusing CPR For every time you drown In your own pride. It's loving a girl For every time she tried. Tried to Convince your tunnel vision That her body is not a cave. That respecting a woman Is more important Than how well you pave Your parking lot heart. Shallow like a baking pan. This is an apology. For every man Who ever thought a woman's body Is the only temple worth praying to. Making four leaf clovers From petals of roses Trying to get lucky. I know it's not lovely, To kiss someone who Is so constantly Full of ******** And I'll admit it. I'm not yet Where I need to be But I thank God That I'm no longer Where I use to See I'm used to Smoking way too many *** scenes to know that There is not enough Alcohol in the world To ever clear my mind. And I have caused way Too many Prozac commercials To know that there is No effective dosage For this disorder Of indecency. To know that it is No measure of good health To be well adjusted To a sick society Of mechanical men Always worried about Who and when they're going To plug into. So I tell him: You are not a robot, A computer, or a program. And your choices are the only Thing that will ever make you a man. So strap up your boots, Bury the ashes, Shake the dust, And dandelion your Heart in every Direction of home. But most importantly, Go easy on the ladies; Because The older I get and More I learn about myself The more I'm writing With my eraser Than with anything else.
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112
Headphones and fried food, metabolisms and ****** moods. Broken condoms; beer pong, scraped up knees, rip the **** Scratched wrists; That kiss was more than just a kiss. Mirrors, scales, headaches, high heels. Anti-depressants, cold sores, ***** toe nails, clogged pores. Bare feet, torn shirts, sweat covered forehead, short skirts. Lace bra on the floor, don't forget to lock the door Pimples and Prozac; ************ and match making. You can always tell when she's faking. Pierced ears, cheap beers, blow jobs and rich snobs. To your last family party and first cigarette; Raspberry tinted ***** and the first name you try to forget. Stained underwear, tweezers and straightened hair. Mascara and flat irons, But in all honesty What the **** is a flat iron? To rice cakes and heartaches Lice and love and public bathrooms. Undercover cops, Plan B and mushrooms. A bruise so sore, what's there to live for? Can't have my love, can't have my ***** what happened to the right to choose?
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Nov 21, 2013
Nov 21, 2013 at 9:57 PM UTC
Seventeen
If you stare out of a window Across a bleak garden some September morning If the neem tree in the garden reminds you of home Vast, old, timeless If you remember playing under a neem tree in Allahabad And you can almost hear the laughter of children as they play In the heat of a sultry afternoon in June And because the window is small and barred and cannot open Because you want to breathe freedom Because you want to shower without them watching Because you silently swallow your screams Because your mind is starting to get fuzzy Because your tongue is starting to slur Because you have started drooling Because your fingers shake when you write Because the words Ritalin Prozac Depakote Lithium Have started sounding like poetry Because you feel your resistance slowly dying Because you start to say the words they want to hear Because you know the glazed look in the eyes of others Is in your eyes too Because this confluence of muscle and bone is wasting Because you sleep for hours Because you now smile at your doctors Because you scream when the ECT paraphernalia is wheeled in Because no one cares Because once you’re labeled, you will be forever Because asylums were once freak shows Because asylum is not what it means You go back to staring Staring Staring Staring Staring Staring Staring Staring
0
Feb 29, 2016
Feb 29, 2016 at 1:05 PM UTC
Staring