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"presumptuous" poems
I wanted to write about confidence Not the kind that makes a girl pout her lips and hide her spark away. Not the kind that makes a woman look presumptuous, even though she feels like a little girl inside. I wanted to write about real confidence The kind of inner beauty that simply shines through. The type of confidence that smiles at strangers and speaks her mind. I wanted to write about the type of walk that isnt afraid of little flirtig and the firm step that knows what she deserves and what she wants. I wanted to capture confidence to unravel it and put it into a formula but how can I do this if I still feel insecure most of the time?
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Sep 6, 2014
Sep 6, 2014 at 12:58 PM UTC
Confidence
One windy day the storm clouds came and blew the pages away. A book about presumptuous children who were lost in mediocrity. As the flickering reel of images flashes with burning waves, memories riddled with shame sunk into the ocean of flames. That is when the seducer of old cast his soul into me, into a river he fell, into the rivers of hell. From page to page the pen runs red with ink, as we drift into the darkness will you remember me? The final chapter is left for you to read, I close my eyes and say your name, then conjure you a king. Next to a fire wrapped in a blanket a beautiful smile follows a kiss. A flickering light across her face, with poison on her lips. He slumped to the ground gasping for air, then death took his breath. The serpent of false dreams forces men to crawl. A misplaced faith brings misery as kingdoms and nations fall. Into the burning windmill, the windmill of spinning dreams. As it burns a hole in your soul, will you believe what you see?
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Apr 19, 2013
Apr 19, 2013 at 12:50 AM UTC
The Windmill of Spinning Dreams
The solitude of when two hands meet garners thoughts of warmth and want for needs unspoken I miss the days when simplicity was as common as the delicate exhale shared when two lips release from one a other To gaze through sultry windows of the soul, soft yet weary with fervent witness, beckons notions of wanderlust to a place that shines brighter than any I've ever seen I watch, bound by valor for not seeking more through presumptuous ineptitude; bewildered by the plight you've been mired by, I wince at the thought of harm coming to you Your trust exudes a powerful purpose; wrought from the ashes of all that have claimed to impose before, I succumb to the surfeit of such a staggering meaning in that gift I hold myself in bated breath for the day you would ever need my heart for your own, but stay guided to be here in spirit, ever more Although my basic wishes be forlorn, in somber muse I find great purpose to be a part of this grand fate bestowed upon me You are all I've ever sought; and through disbelief, I am remiss of all that's mired me before If only, one day, perhaps we could be more..
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Dec 23, 2017
Dec 23, 2017 at 6:21 PM UTC
Sought
I never could quite imagine the day When a creature quite as wry and presumptuous Would break so serendipitously. She lay ruptured in the desultory plantation The Stygian colour of her fur rebelled against the sage of the contiguous earth And her eyes mimicked nothing but the pain that consumed her current thoughts. Her body was transfixed in an inert trance The fur on her hunched spine quavered in a subdued zephyr Quiet insecurities were hid well in her tranquil pained state. The moon intently watched me Waiting for me to alleviate the agonized entity But solicitousness was blank in my frozen psyche. The moonlight pierced the fox with intimacy I grimaced in the realization I had failed the universe With my perennial void mind broken in vain. The fox gathered some stoicism The blessing of the moon granted requital As the fox proceeded to maul my perception. I accepted my retribution with ratification As I was the soul who violated the creature A skirmish that clung to grandeur.
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Apr 25, 2015
Apr 25, 2015 at 4:47 AM UTC
Wounded Black Fox
When I put her out, once, by the garbage pail, She looked so limp and bedraggled, So foolish and trusting, like a sick poodle, Or a wizened aster in late September, I brought her back in again For a new routine-- Vitamins, water, and whatever Sustenance seemed sensible At the time: she'd lived So long on gin, bobbie pins, half-smoked cigars, dead beer, Her shriveled petals falling On the faded carpet, the stale Steak grease stuck to her fuzzy leaves. (Dried-out, she creaked like a tulip.) The things she endured!-- The dumb dames shrieking half the night Or the two of us, alone, both seedy, Me breathing ***** at her, She leaning out of her *** toward the window. Near the end, she seemed almost to hear me-- And that was scary-- So when that snuffling ****** of a maid Threw her, *** and all, into the trash-can, I said nothing. But I sacked the presumptuous hag the next week, I was that lonely.
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The Geranium
’Twas on a lofty vase’s side, Where China’s gayest art had dyed The azure flowers that blow, Demurest of the tabby kind, The pensive Selima, reclined, Gazed on the lake below. Her conscious tail her joy declared; The fair round face, the snowy beard, The velvet of her paws, Her coat, that with the tortoise vies, Her ears of jet, and emerald eyes, She saw; and purred applause. Still had she gazed; but ’midst the tide Two angel forms were seen to glide, The genii of the stream: Their scaly armour’s Tyrian hue Through richest purple to the view Betrayed a golden gleam. The hapless nymph with wonder saw: A whisker first, and then a claw, With many an ardent wish, She stretched, in vain, to reach the prize. What female heart can gold despise? What cat’s averse to fish? Presumptuous maid! with looks intent Again she stretched, again she bent, Nor knew the gulf between: (Malignant Fate sat by, and smiled) The slippery verge her feet beguiled, She tumbled headlong in. Eight times emerging from the flood She mewed to ev’ry wat’ry god Some speedy aid to send. No dolphin came, no nereid stirred; Nor cruel Tom, nor Susan heard. A fav’rite has no friend! From hence, ye beauties undeceived, Know, one false step is ne’er retrieved, And be with caution bold. Not all that tempts your wand’ring eyes And heedless hearts is lawful prize; Nor all that glisters, gold.
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On The Death Of A Favourite Cat, Drowned In A Tub Of Gold Fishes
Presumptuous, perhaps arrogant, My perception of reality. I invoke, with humility, The Great Spirit and Receive an answer. Heavenly manifestations In the form of trees, Birds and dreams. My reality. But, what about me? I am important. I am destined. I am. I Regulate and manipulate My world. Channeled energies, memories Are brick and mortar For the building of myself. I build and build, Adding rooms, Windows, staircases. My domain. My center draws farther From the edge. Understanding expands. I know more and more. I sleep. I dream of angels, Of nature in bliss, Of blue skies imbedded With soft clouds, Of worlds-- Many, many, worlds-- And, I dream of myself. I wake up. I wake. I Am aware, facing A being not of my choosing, Beyond myself. Shrill whistles, Bright, flashing bulbs, Agitated bees, Forgotten memories, Woven into the Space that unfolds-- And more. No longer under my control, The earth spins on Its axis. A world apart from me. Presumptuous, perhaps arrogant, My perception of reality.
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Mar 22, 2010
Mar 22, 2010 at 5:36 PM UTC
Arrogant Invocation
Look at all the parrots-- Parroting the words Of all the other parrots-- Of all the other birds-- Parroting profusely All the same refrains-- Parroting the constant patter In their parrot brains-- Parroting the preaching From the pulpit to the pews-- Parroting their parents' And their parents' parents' views-- Parroting their leaders And their pompous platitudes-- Parroting their peers' Pretentious attitudes-- Parroting the patriarchs' Proselytizing that'll Put your teeth on edge With their pathetic prattle-- Parroting the poppycock Of trite pontifications-- Parroting pernicious And sly manipulations-- Parroting the pretty birds Whose pageantry and glory Appeal to their prurient tastes In each pathetic story-- Parroting the songsters With parasitic pleasure And counting out the rhythm Of every pitiful measure-- Parroting the powerful Whose ploys are so profuse, Leaving the powerless Pummeled with abuse-- Parroting with passion Presumptuous prophesies With putative contrition, "Humbly" on their knees-- Parroting themselves-- Together all in sync-- How they love to parrot So they don't have to think! - by Bob B
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Oct 30, 2016
Oct 30, 2016 at 8:10 AM UTC
Look at All the Parrots!
Often, when I’ve escaped the strain, The weight, the freight, burdening encumbrance Of human society, community unleashed, Profound distress, and a bit on the side— I’ll contemplate Of their judgements unknown, Their penetrating, presumptuous eyes— They tell me they love me, reputation irrelevant, Trespasses, failures, habits—all disregarded, And still I laze in my quaking of Sleeplessness from apprehension Pondering their thoughts obscured by their words Heavens, a shrieking invasion! Please don’t take that as the slightest indication That I’m in any case a half-benevolent essence of them all My ruminations drenched with a display of myself, my actions, my appearance That’s proof enough that I can’t occupy a moment without me as the focal point How can anyone be so vain Low self-esteem shall consume my life, my breath, And all of those thoughts, So soon to drain...
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Jul 6, 2014
Jul 6, 2014 at 7:38 PM UTC
Low Self-Esteem
I AM just a poet. young naive anxious sensitive fearful and beautifully uneducated. Yet, eloquent with words as art. Writing is the red blood which pumps through my black heart. So presumptuous ******* before you judge me have mercy and remember **"she is only but a ******* poet"**
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May 17, 2014
May 17, 2014 at 11:52 PM UTC
naysayers
- A person must judge another by their character. Ignorance and bias media make issues out of race. If you are a person that does not understand any movement, then most likely you have never stood up for anything in your life. It is sad that divisions are at play between people when we are all the same. We are humans. Your *** race, or theology does not matter. What does matter is the fact that people come from different backgrounds. That is the only difference between people. You do not choose your parents. You do not choose your upbringing. A child that is handed everything will not understand the life a child has that only knows struggle. If you do not understand socioeconomic disparity and the reasons why they are in place, you will not understand injustice on a institutional level. When you see other races talking about ideologies such as "white privilege" it is completely justified because there are situations that a white man may not face ever in his lifetime, but a minority is aware of and taught at an early age because they will certainly come across it. The beauty of this country is being able to have an opinion without the fear of consequence, but understand that basic "Rights" are a fallacy. A right can be taken away. That in and of itself is a privilege. There is too much complacency within this generation and ones before it. You must have convictions. You must have beliefs that are not only based around religious faith, but the act of altruism. Does a person need to label something to reach a level a comfortability? No, not at all. That is a common misinterpretation of ignorance, when it is plainly a way to state that knowing what something is does not have to be explained. I'm not sure if some think education stops when schooling is finished, but it's not. And as much as people want to talk about this country and others falling to the wayside, it is because of inaction and not being able to unify and have empathy for others. Your life is your own, but to secure a future and continue progression we must all stand together and not be presumptuous, but rather be protective of community and critical thinking. There are too many losers in the system, and they aren't minorities, they're people not properly educated. You can't erase history as easy as you can erase atrocities that aren't just. Don't put your trust in your government, but your neighbors. But that doesn't mean that you should also exclude social programs that are needed as much as oxygen. This is the life you are given, and it is you decision to stand up or sit down. And if you do stand up, do it for the right reason: valuing life. If this message does not resonate with you, we have nothing in common, and that's fine, but don't talk about current events or social problems that are beyond your comprehension. - Charlie
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Jul 8, 2016
Jul 8, 2016 at 6:42 PM UTC
*Not A Poem* (Thoughts on current events).
- A person must judge another by their character. Ignorance and bias media make issues out of race. If you are a person that does not understand any movement, then most likely you have never stood up for anything in your life. It is sad that divisions are at play between people when we are all the same. We are humans. Your *** race, or theology does not matter. What does matter is the fact that people come from different backgrounds. That is the only difference between people. You do not choose your parents. You do not choose your upbringing. A child that is handed everything will not understand the life a child has that only knows struggle. If you do not understand socioeconomic disparity and the reasons why they are in place, you will not understand injustice on a institutional level. When you see other races talking about ideologies such as "white privilege" it is completely justified because there are situations that a white man may not face ever in his lifetime, but a minority is aware of and taught at an early age because they will certainly come across it. The beauty of this country is being able to have an opinion without the fear of consequence, but understand that basic "Rights" are a fallacy. A right can be taken away. That in and of itself is a privilege. There is too much complacency within this generation and ones before it. You must have convictions. You must have beliefs that are not only based around religious faith, but the act of altruism. Does a person need to label something to reach a level a comfortability? No, not at all. That is a common misinterpretation of ignorance, when it is plainly a way to state that knowing what something is does not have to be explained. I'm not sure if some think education stops when schooling is finished, but it's not. And as much as people want to talk about this country and others falling to the wayside, it is because of inaction and not being able to unify and have empathy for others. Your life is your own, but to secure a future and continue progression we must all stand together and not be presumptuous, but rather be protective of community and critical thinking. There are too many losers in the system, and they aren't minorities, they're people not properly educated. You can't erase history as easy as you can erase atrocities that aren't just. Don't put your trust in your government, but your neighbors. But that doesn't mean that you should also exclude social programs that are needed as much as oxygen. This is the life you are given, and it is you decision to stand up or sit down. And if you do stand up, do it for the right reason: valuing life. If this message does not resonate with you, we have nothing in common, and that's fine, but don't talk about current events or social problems that are beyond your comprehension. - Charlie
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taunted by the adrenaline he marched towards her reverie white colored walls, lavender scented halls his thought was this is his last resort it conveyed a lot emotions bubbling the excitement in him for he thought he’s the owner when he realized he’s the trespasser
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Aug 10, 2015
Aug 10, 2015 at 10:02 AM UTC
Presumptuous
There once was a presumptuous poet Who thought his poems were the best ever wrote, He was quite prolific, Thought he was terrific, But he never wrote anything of note!
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Mar 23, 2017
Mar 23, 2017 at 8:46 AM UTC
A Presumptuous Poet...
Sometimes, I wish my soul Wasn't so sensitive I extend my exposed hand out For others to grab Sometimes, my reach Is acknowledged and held onto Other times, it's crushed With the overwhelming and Presumptuous weight Of being a burden and A disappointment This pain is very strong This suffering tugs and Drags me down A sinkhole that I don't even Notice I'm falling through Until it's too late Until I feel lightheaded When my heart beats In fluttering patterns Until my chest tightens And I feel a knot in my throat It's hard to swallow this air I breathe For at times, it's so dense and thick But there's no fog, no illusion Just allusions to the fact That I'm tired... Fatigued... Exhausted... A barren tree A lot of life to give But an abandoned seed In my mind That's what my demons tell me This is my story of triumph That I'm still writing This is my journey That I'm still fighting.
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Oct 7, 2018
Oct 7, 2018 at 1:52 PM UTC
My IV (Inner Veins)
When I die burry me in a poem I am six foot six so make My poem seven foot long Make it from rich azure tales of Arabian nights Make it's walls strong to protect My remains from a Poe's delight Rest my head on a pillow of silken vowels Line the walls with chiffon And wolfen howls Place inside the words of my poems Lest I be presumptuous Under my tongue a copper coin Lest they forget , leave the calendar of my last living date So I can ponder how fragile life is Death a certain fate Finally , bury me six syllables deep I pray , that my poems For them to keep
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Nov 3, 2014
Nov 3, 2014 at 4:00 PM UTC
When I Die Bury Me In A Poem
The Marshmallows decided to have a top Party Dressed gaily in white, pink, red, green and yellow They mingled and floated around looking arty-farty We're going to dance in town not partying in a garage And guess what, We won't invite Toffee he's not like us Go melt and burn says Toffee with rightful disdain who wants to party with a bunch of soft silly buffoons Overblown and presumptuous you lot melt in the rain Nothing to you all but egging and hot air you poltroon Who wants to dance with mixed up softies with no brains I am Toffee hot and hard and always ready for the bite You can't lick me in a hurry and I take a while to crack I am brown with brawn and brains and ready to fight Got rhythm with the moves, tastes and flavours top whack Not some boring twirls or stumps gathered together tight Come try me if you dare and see me squash you down flat I'll go into you hard your softness yielding like knife on butter Can marsh you with my strength till you're nothing but mellow Or stick to your puffy wooly state and squeeze you still flatter Till you beg and squeal your surrender showing you're shallow I am not like you and don't think, see, look or taste like you I am brown and sweet, hard and chewy and I really don't care For emulsified vain brainless no substance marshmallow tools Who can only be brave and big when all packed together like So go party and kid yourselves softies I don't party with fools
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Sep 5, 2018
Sep 5, 2018 at 8:34 AM UTC
I'll Marsh You ..
1266 When Memory is full Put on the perfect Lid— This Morning’s finest syllable Presumptuous Evening said—
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When Memory is full
Hush’d are the winds, and still the evening gloom, Not e’en a zephyr wanders through the grove, Whilst I return to view my Margaret’s tomb, And scatter flowers on the dust I love. Within this narrow cell reclines her clay, That clay, where once such animation beam’d; The King of Terrors seiz’d her as his prey; Not worth, nor beauty, have her life redeem’d. Oh! could that King of Terrors pity feel, Or Heaven reverse the dread decree of fate, Not here the mourner would his grief reveal, Not here the Muse her virtues would relate. But wherefore weep? Her matchless spirit soars Beyond where splendid shines the orb of day; And weeping angels lead her to those bowers, Where endless pleasures virtuous deeds repay. And shall presumptuous mortals Heaven arraign! And, madly, Godlike Providence accuse! Ah! no, far fly from me attempts so vain;— I’ll ne’er submission to my God refuse. Yet is remembrance of those virtues dear, Yet fresh the memory of that beauteous face; Still they call forth my warm affection’s tear, Still in my heart retain their wonted place.
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On The Death Of A Young Lady, Cousin To The Author, And Very Dear To Him
It’s a bit like shock therapy When you’d come to. It was the Depression, sure, And I was barely clothed and fed But I woke up refreshed Realigned and adjusted. A clean sweep! Surrounded by my loving family. Back. So this is the way things are; The way things were, Before But it’s not so bad in comparison. That over there was a disaster The so-called “Loss of consciousness” Was I in a coma? With witch’s feet And those dancing trolls A road leading where and why? There are no other roads, so who cares the color? It was a horror story, not a morality play They were so presumptuous, What I needed! They told me that I had killed someone, a complete stranger and That’s when it all got worse. Bluebirds fly Yes I suppose they do! You are right! I got my wish in a sick kind of way I went beyond a “rainbow” as it were It was bad. I liked those gorgeous orange woozy poppies but so what, I was asleep anyway. Do you see what I mean? Chased by monkeys and people who don’t really like me. Not really. Not any more than anywhere else. Despite what they say. Anyway, everyone clearly had their own agenda. It was a matter of convenience and opportunities. What was mine again? Oh yeah. For it to stop. The Wizard was a Kansas Man He said so himself And when I showed up Well he decided to clear out I guess we were two Kansans too many Stay with us Dorothy! We love you! All of us! We don’t want you to go! Doesn’t that sound a bit odd? So I came back with this bit about Well “if I ever look for my heart’s desire again I will look no further than my own backyard Because if it isn’t there (It gets good!) I never really lost it To begin with!” Can you believe that? I also relentlessly repeated HOME Euphemistically speaking and the word LIKE Which isn’t really a total and complete lie And somehow it worked It came to an end I can’t really explain why but It could have been a Jim Jones situation. But do you think that I believed any of it? I escaped And now I think that I know how to do it. And I can do it again. But to someplace Else.
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Sep 30, 2018
Sep 30, 2018 at 7:19 PM UTC
YELLOW IS NOT MY FAVORITE COLOR
It’s a bit like shock therapy When you’d come to. It was the Depression, sure, And I was barely clothed and fed But I woke up refreshed Realigned and adjusted. A clean sweep! Surrounded by my loving family. Back. So this is the way things are; The way things were, Before But it’s not so bad in comparison. That over there was a disaster The so-called “Loss of consciousness” Was I in a coma? With witch’s feet And those dancing trolls A road leading where and why? There are no other roads, so who cares the color? It was a horror story, not a morality play They were so presumptuous, What I needed! They told me that I had killed someone, a complete stranger and That’s when it all got worse. Bluebirds fly Yes I suppose they do! You are right! I got my wish in a sick kind of way I went beyond a “rainbow” as it were It was bad. I liked those gorgeous orange woozy poppies but so what, I was asleep anyway. Do you see what I mean? Chased by monkeys and people who don’t really like me. Not really. Not any more than anywhere else. Despite what they say. Anyway, everyone clearly had their own agenda. It was a matter of convenience and opportunities. What was mine again? Oh yeah. For it to stop. The Wizard was a Kansas Man He said so himself And when I showed up Well he decided to clear out I guess we were two Kansans too many Stay with us Dorothy! We love you! All of us! We don’t want you to go! Doesn’t that sound a bit odd? So I came back with this bit about Well “if I ever look for my heart’s desire again I will look no further than my own backyard Because if it isn’t there (It gets good!) I never really lost it To begin with!” Can you believe that? I also relentlessly repeated HOME Euphemistically speaking and the word LIKE Which isn’t really a total and complete lie And somehow it worked It came to an end I can’t really explain why but It could have been a Jim Jones situation. But do you think that I believed any of it? I escaped And now I think that I know how to do it. And I can do it again. But to someplace Else.
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Whene’er I view those lips of thine, Their hue invites my fervent kiss; Yet, I forego that bliss divine, Alas! it were—unhallow’d bliss. Whene’er I dream of that pure breast, How could I dwell upon its snows! Yet, is the daring wish represt, For that,—would banish its repose. A glance from thy soul-searching eye Can raise with hope, depress with fear; Yet, I conceal my love,—and why? I would not force a painful tear. I ne’er have told my love, yet thou Hast seen my ardent flame too well; And shall I plead my passion now, To make thy bosom’s heaven a hell? No! for thou never canst be mine, United by the priest’s decree: By any ties but those divine, Mine, my belov’d, thou ne’er shalt be. Then let the secret fire consume, Let it consume, thou shalt not know: With joy I court a certain doom, Rather than spread its guilty glow. I will not ease my tortur’d heart, By driving dove-ey’d peace from thine; Rather than such a sting impart, Each thought presumptuous I resign. Yes! yield those lips, for which I’d brave More than I here shall dare to tell; Thy innocence and mine to save,— I bid thee now a last farewell. Yes! yield that breast, to seek despair And hope no more thy soft embrace; Which to obtain, my soul would dare, All, all reproach, but thy disgrace. At least from guilt shall thou be free, No matron shall thy shame reprove; Though cureless pangs may prey on me, No martyr shall thou be to love.
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To M. S. G.
So many times Trying to turn reasons Into rhymes Newest muse Desperate attempt Only to fall short As soon as attention Noticed Wide eyed girl Obsessed may I Lacking depth As soon as Emotions copied Or furthermore Replaced Gravity With weights and stools Climbing higher Reaching further Grasping air While the painted red smile Walked further north And the Abled girl With wide frames; golden bay Lingered patterned Against broken scooters and watched While I made a fool over feet In autumn leaves and new beginnings You held my arm While minds wander Of heavenly thought Of what it would be like To hold your hand And not mess it up With my idiotic tongue And presumptuous lip Always rushing Like one constant race When the rules Clearly states Walk not run Try to slow my tracking feet From making another big leap Intensively driven Pretty glass eyes girl Did you want me to admit my defeat?
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Mar 5, 2016
Mar 5, 2016 at 5:30 PM UTC
Break ups and bad beginnings
Look back - my sight was black and white, A decidedly dividing definition; “Surely now I see what’s right” – What a presumptuous premonition. Fast forward a few: “All scenes shall shatter.” Nihilism, not new; just Cognitive chatter. Even Nothing now ends in a burst of ferocious flame; The love that she sends renders the Big Bang tame. You ask what I believe: As though it’s set in stone; As though there’s some reprieve; As though I’ve fully grown.
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Feb 18, 2019
Feb 18, 2019 at 2:26 PM UTC
Growing Pains
it's been nine summers since we left last off, i never wanted to associate anguish with your face but it hits me that there are certain things i can never forget, i cannot forget, i will not forget, that you made me, shaped me in your delicate hands, wove me under a spell that i have yet to get out of-- you know you gave my childhood magic. we lived in a kingdom of treehouse stories and secret handshakes, our domain behind white picket fences. we left our child selves in your yard, remember? i picked up the pieces of half drowned memories, and put them by your bedside, in case you thought to look and perhaps it was presumptuous of me to say you felt the same way when i am the only one who is overdosed on nostalgia. i'm sorry. i am homesick for the arms i am not privileged to be held with, homesick for the stairs that creaked in your house, homesick for a love i never deserved but always wanted. i'm the old pick up truck your father threw away, the ramshackle closet that got replaced, the old curtains, oh god, oh, but this is not about me, this is about us. we both agreed that we always hated the small town life and planned to run away but why is it now that i'm still holding onto spider webs and your packed suitcase has flown you across the globe? is it sad to say that in my dreams we're still waiting in an empty parking lot, and your head resting on my shoulder, the lights on the pavement, it's already over, it already passed and the cars aren't there, and the moment is gone. maybe it's not the saddest thing in the world to lose your best friend when the love was never meant to be, and maybe it's not the saddest thing to love someone who will never love you as a lover, maybe it's not the saddest thing to lose someone who promised forever, even if forever was only until we parted ways, maybe it's not the saddest thing to lose the first true friend you ever had, maybe it's not the saddest thing to never be able to walk up your front porch and have you come running out to see me of all people, but it is the most painful happiness to see your smile and knowing that i am not the reason.
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Feb 29, 2016
Feb 29, 2016 at 11:07 PM UTC
suburban heartbreak
it's been nine summers since we left last off, i never wanted to associate anguish with your face but it hits me that there are certain things i can never forget, i cannot forget, i will not forget, that you made me, shaped me in your delicate hands, wove me under a spell that i have yet to get out of-- you know you gave my childhood magic. we lived in a kingdom of treehouse stories and secret handshakes, our domain behind white picket fences. we left our child selves in your yard, remember? i picked up the pieces of half drowned memories, and put them by your bedside, in case you thought to look and perhaps it was presumptuous of me to say you felt the same way when i am the only one who is overdosed on nostalgia. i'm sorry. i am homesick for the arms i am not privileged to be held with, homesick for the stairs that creaked in your house, homesick for a love i never deserved but always wanted. i'm the old pick up truck your father threw away, the ramshackle closet that got replaced, the old curtains, oh god, oh, but this is not about me, this is about us. we both agreed that we always hated the small town life and planned to run away but why is it now that i'm still holding onto spider webs and your packed suitcase has flown you across the globe? is it sad to say that in my dreams we're still waiting in an empty parking lot, and your head resting on my shoulder, the lights on the pavement, it's already over, it already passed and the cars aren't there, and the moment is gone. maybe it's not the saddest thing in the world to lose your best friend when the love was never meant to be, and maybe it's not the saddest thing to love someone who will never love you as a lover, maybe it's not the saddest thing to lose someone who promised forever, even if forever was only until we parted ways, maybe it's not the saddest thing to lose the first true friend you ever had, maybe it's not the saddest thing to never be able to walk up your front porch and have you come running out to see me of all people, but it is the most painful happiness to see your smile and knowing that i am not the reason.
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