He Fights to be the Provider,
Hiding the Pain he Sometimes feels,
Trying to be your Healer,When you both have to seal -Deals ...
In life that give way to many...
Mistakes, He lifts you up when your feeling down,
Holding all he feels deep, Down,
Worries about what you don't have while trying
to make you Laugh,
Sometimes Sitting  up, Late at night thinking
of another way to give everything
Helping you
Through the old wounds of pain caused by another Mans
Abuse,un truths or lies you never forgave,
Taking blame even thou its not in him to hurt
this presious women,
To him You are everything,
Asking Nothing of himself,
When your in pain he leands the help,
taking all your worries away
Pain Skecthed on his face,
You dont Notice, your too stuck in your own
Turmoils, You dont think..., What dose he need,
A Mans Struggles
Is beyound us,We only know what we WANT, As Women
Some of Us don't trust enough or care long as we
Get OUR share..,
We aruge with him,
Fight and fuss,
Making it harder on him to just be a Man
His Struggles,
Not to mention The Father or daddy to some of our kids,
Even when their not even his,We burend you with our self
conclusions and confusions, Make you Pay Everyday
for something you didnt do or Never Could..
Mistreatment is evident as
We give to him
Our own Abuse ...Words Hurt him too,
Even thou he Holds it ALL in
As Girls, Ladies and Women,We concurred you,
With looks of our own Deceptions and lie to get you in our web,
Black Widows Grasping at you, laying you on the plater not really
knowing what "lies" Ahead,
Not All Women but Many of THEM...,
Taking him from Man to the Beast paying for
The ******* by other old peeps family
or the Other Ex's
Not leaving Room for him to be Next,
Or The Best...,
**** His Struggles and let him deal with mines,
Let him see me as I want him to,
his girl we say, His Lady, His wife,
His Baby Momma
With all the strife and Drama,
Causing him to be Not Man but less of Him,
Make him the Next Abuser,
No its not Right but
hey Thats life,
or THE Way you want it to be..
You wanted more of his time,
stopped him from making a Dime or paper,
To Recreate him
Not in God's Image but as You want it..,
Women Listen...
He's
Giving all he can, Working Paying bills..,
In the street or 9to 5 ...,
Doing anything to let You get by,
THIS MAN STRUGGLES.
Yeah he gets a little satisfaction
from all that he's done to just put
that Smile on your face ...,
See his kids say
Hey my Daddys great,
But Given His Struggles His way of doing things..,
its time to sit and think
what it means to be a MAN,  Be Men....,
A Mans Struggle's
We dont talk much about...,ONLY what he do "WRONG"
or what he's NOT willing to Do for you,
You Complain
About what's NOT Given  or  
NOT done (done/doing RIGHT) whats not yours
or what He DONE gone in did AGAIN & AGAIN...
This Song Continues,
And now hes got your Tune Stuck in his Head,
Negatives not Words of Encouragement,
NO  Praises and Thanks for helping Rasie these bad as kids ...,
Putting food and gifts & Roof over ya Heads,
Saving up, time to spend and taking work off...not that its a cost
YOUR willing to make
( cuz Some just Aren't Going to Take it/US Women)
or to even say THANKS,
Some Of us Women just dont Get it,
Can't Say all Women but
I know Plenty of THEM,
Not willing to take his place on any given DAY...
Making him..,
Not a man but worse than sin, taking away his "self"
Esteem and the MAN you ONCE Fell in love with,
is No longer him,
Changing him Again til he's unreal...
Saying "I do" just to Get his Dibbs,
Saying "I love you" just to pay a bill,
STOP WORRYING
ABOUT WHEN HIS NEXT PAY IS,
OR IS HE GOING TO BE THE NEXT
to do what the Ex's did to you...,
ABUSE YOU,
THINK OF THE ....
Love he's giving..,
You as a women and for
giving the realationship a chance,
Wow to just be a ma!,
HIS STRUGGLES,
GOT ME IN a TRANSITION OF FEELING HIM
AND LISTENING TO ALL YOU MEN!...
I  Apologies if this Was ever me
(I bet I did it too acted petty and lost a good Man,)
I AM THANKFUL AND YOUR HEAVEN SENT.
AGAIN TO ALL THE GREAT MEN...
To all you Wonderful MEN...I say AGAIN TY...
I know some of the ****
your in and I feel your pain at times Too,EVEN
if I don't ALWAY Understand You,
Even when I'm Yappying my Mouth...,
Talking a bunch of ****,
I give Thanks to you,
all you men For DEALING with it!
Hench I dedicate this
to You Men
Cuz I can only Guess About.....
A MAN'S STRUGGLES!!!
Always Me Ayeshah

i wish you were ugly

if every single time i thought of u and saw a beast

would you really mean the same to me?



if i saw you for what you truly are on the inside

would i still have let u pry

through my skin and shred my heart

and let the thoughts of u

ridethrough my vains

almost as if you were truly in me



how could u posses me with something so invisible only air could see it

why couldn't i see it

its strange how we know the things that can hurt us

but when there right in front of our eyes we become blind

and even though at that moment our ears become the strongest

we still cant believe it



see now its one thing to love

and its something completely different when u try to be it

maybe it wasn't you

maybe i loved you so hard i hurt myself

well guess thats only cuz i was working on that project

and u chose not to help



i wish u were ugly

then maybe the moments i held the closest to me

wouldn't have been

those tears i shed

and u put me in your arms and promised me things ive never heard before

is that why the sounded so lovely?



or how bout when u started calling me jelly bean?

you know the nick name that my mom used to call me?

AND YOU KNEW HOW MUCH SHE MENT TO ME!!!!!



or how bout when u were going through it

and i stayed there by your side just because it made me feel better

but u pushed me away

didn't appreciate me

i should of known better



or the times when we laughed and joked

about who got who in trouble this time

and i should of known u were trouble the last time



or the wlks in the park that we shared

just talking abut the things most precious in life

the whole days ...weekends....OR HOW BOUT YEARS

we spent together?



or maybe your lips

i never liked to kiss

but kissing you each time made me feel like a princess

and no matter how hard i tried

i couldn't get a crown from you

u told my u loved me

i didn't see it as a  hard thing to do



but i do give you this you were always there when the lights shut off

maybe if i was a cat i could of seen u were ugly

but instead i choose 2 feel

who knew all the passion and pleasure turn into

pain and tears

and fears

that ill ever see u again



maybe if you were ugly i wouldn't have had those presious moments that felt like forever

and ended so quickly



but then again how could you see that ur ugly

when i was the one who tried 2 show you that you were beautiful?



wish u were always ugly

Ghost
Act l
“ The sparrows came
for in their thousands they called ,
In flocks weaving and falling in thick blackened skies
did they fall
they followed me everywhere.”

Woman
“ If I had not been so bold
If I had shed tears and wept at you’re feet ,
If in sorrow I looked into you’re eyes with a heavy heart ,
Spat out what I Could not eat,
It’s seeds formed good out of evil could we not start again ?

If If If we were still friends ?
Now the rains fall on me and darkness decends now
In arragance i seek you for in love I am blind ,
in carnal thoughts love is not kind .

My lover has fled and now eats the  beasts of the field ,
and I am alone in my sorrow ,
with nothing I yeald ,

the sparrows are coming in their thousands array ,
and it’s them I look for at the eve of the day .

From a rib was I formed and now cold and hunger do I live ,
the once blue skies above me are now teaming with rain .
Act ll
Snake
“  Rise up for garlic and herbs I shall give you from you’re sick bed arise  ,
To become like God in the heavens on horses wings you will fly ,
Man will build temples for you to rest you’re feet on tiny wings
no more will you suffer like a god see these things .”
Woman
“I have had temples and statues built in my name
Man bowed down to me like ants ,
given me gold and presious stones and beasts from the field ,
their corpses are scattered in blood on my land .

Act lll
War has come war lords in their anger apose and here am I all
Shrivelled and old ,
the times I met in the garden with God
for the love and the joy and the peace have all gone ..
Actllll
Now in a hole in the ground do I lay
In a bed of  fruit ,
all around me decay ,
beads around my skull my flesh withers and dies ,
how I lived am dammed to these lies


The sparrows are coming to peck at my corpse
In their thousands from the mountains and trees do they call .

For now did snake did I listen ,
and to God do I call .

Im held to the ground by my imperfections. Dodging bullets thrown by those in need of correction. Understanding that life is filled with much uncertainty, acting only on the knowledge that I am most certainly free. Held to my actions and words by the thought of perfection, being only that which determins selections. Into a realm by which the humble are seeking, gained only by those whose words are worth speaking. Determined by a world whose ear seem cut off and closed, and unwilling to listen to that which they are opposed. But truth can be heard by the hearts of the few, whose minds are filled with possibilities anew. Whos lives are practice in the faith of whats real, but whos minds are not blinded to what true beauty can reveal. Because truth doesnt come through trial and error, truth comes from understanding that we are all rare. Held together by a contract of emotions and deeds, that defines us as a society with real human needs. To be loved and accepted, held and adored. To act on these wishes and hope to find reward. Because when the reaper comes to collect on our debt, we are all going to wish to wake in a cold sweat. To find more presious time, in our running hour glass. To hold on to each grain and not let it pass. Without cherishing the moment and giving it our heart. Without telling those we love, they are a work of art. Painted by the Picaso of the ground that we walk. Whos motives no one will ever unlock. But disagree on forever, untill the end of time we will. And break our human contract with the blood that we spill. Of our bothers and sisters who feel just the same, as the men and women who share our last name. So read me your books and give me your shame. For logic is my shepard for this world i look to tame. For i hold in my heart a truth unknown. One not found in a book or scripture alone. Or known by those who try to speak fear, through a book whose hypocricy is well too clear. One only found when you see a mans true soul, and realize 'that is all i need to know.' To stare at the only perfection this world will ever know, and hold him in the same regards as winters first snow. Or summers true spirit, or falls pure brilliance. Or when the sea meets a rocks true resiliance. Imperfection may hold me firm to the ground, but my spirits true beauty holds no bounds. And when the world can see one another through each others eyes, then humanities posibilities will break all its ties. Will be stripped of its shackles and free of its chains. Will be free of its stife and know no pain. And we as a beautify creation of perfection itself, will finally find peace in oneself.

Your curls
Your laugh
That smile so sweet
Your heart is huge
And those tiny ties
The way you love
The way you hug
The way you smell
too Presious
Such innocence

I'm so very  sorry ..
I can't be in your life
I made mistakes
I broke your little heart
I need your hugs
I can't seem to breathe
Tears flow down my cheeks
Remembering you
I'm sad it's true
Your six years old
Heart pure  as gold
The love that don't grow old
I miss you everyday in everyway..
March 17th 2015
They took u away for good
Now I'm sad n blue
I hope u know that I still  love you eternally unconditionall
Forever
My sweet angel

We are gathered here in this sacred theatre to share our lust of life and poetry.. Here you can be anyone
A poet, A misfit, A lonesome warrior..
When I was young I was told.
Take your meal stupid child..
Don't you wanna grow up??
Don't you want to be big and powerful..
.
.
As a child we were told how beautiful and lovely this world is..
And you can be anything..
Through the depths of innocence
And our fragile eyes, we saw this world as a radiant, beautiful place..
And there were signs of total chaos that we choose to ignore
And buried our feelings like it didn't matter..
.
.
.
Don't grow up.. Don't ever grow up..
Be a child .. Fillied with hope ..be persistent..Wear a majestic smile that can ease pain in strangers eyes..
Be fearless ..
Just don't grow up, you know
It's the end my friend
Be a child forever..
Because the children are insane
No pride, no respect, no false promises...
Don't trade your vales to fit in..
Be crazy man..
Be unique
.
.Of all the things that you can be
Just don't ever be lonely..
We live and we die
And sometimes death not ends it..
I have seen the dead walking
Trapped in a clueless maze
No idea where to go
Or where they came from
.
..
Did you know freedom is a lie?
Are you free?
Are you free of your insecurities
Free form your responsibilities
Are you a slave of money ?
Can you live without your presious degree?
Do you really love you job?
Are you free from your own depressing thoughts???
So freedom is a lie..
And it only comes at a price..
.
.
We all wandering in this wilderness that we call life..
No matter how hard we try
We can't make evil into good
We can't turn the metal into gold
If we seek the absolute truth
Yess life can be so much painful
Like a rotting piece of fruit which can't be saved
But in the mist of hunger, violence and betrayal
.
.
There are moments, you know
Those small magical moments..
Which can revive the deceased
In those moments the flower of our happiness blooms till eternity
And those moments are worth the wait
In those tiny moments
Everything comes to life
Everything shines bright
Everything makes sense for a while
So live for those moments
And shine like a star my friend
Shine like a star.

dear mom
for the times i hurt you and lied to your face. for the times i told you i hate you. i watched you die and you took me with you . those drugs that took your life have stollen something presious. a poets pain deep inside my heart, i wish i could see you one more time, hear you laugh one more time a wish indeed it is to have you here . i miss the words i love you, i miss your beautiful voice, my heart breaks to hear the screams all over again. you said you would never leave me. you left me and i went with you

broken to shreds ,lost all hope ,for the pills you took are my nightmares and ,watching your heart stop was enough
to think i would of done something more than call my dad
i could of saved your life but instead i just watched '
im sorry i couldnt stop you i couldnt save your life

Your cash lined pockets can’t hold all your gold
Your beautiful castle made of ice cold
And there you sit upon it’s thone
I still don’t envy because you are all alone
There you are with all your presious  “things”
And what happiness does it bring?
When you meet your love and she has inner “Gold” will you see her for what she holds?
Will you pass her by unknowingly without the slightest glance or peer from your eyes
What you will miss is the love of your life
How sad this makes me my heart aches
You will die sad and no one by your side
Because you walked right by her side and you didn’t know her worth while alive

It's been fourteen years since the fire in my eyes started to ignite.
Everyday is a different battles that I have to fight.
Words are the guns that would **** me if used right.

'Lil ol me would never put up a fight.
So of a sand bag taking punches,
Every punch being taken rips the bag , letting presious sand flow out.

Being a new solider in war where veterans surround and judge your every move,
will constantly break you down.
Pushed around for not knowing better.
To be used until your no longer useful.

Sooner or later the fire burning in my eyes, will die out.
My will is what keeps it alive, but once it runs out
You'll never hear a sound escape from my mouth.