"peeing" poems
A hairy ball of energy
Who loves to run and play,
Whose tricks and tomfoolery
Would brighten any day.
Almost hyperactive,
Without doubt lively,
Incredibly inquisitive,
Exploring constantly.
Chewing on everything,
Peeing everywhere,
Not fond of house training
but slowly getting there.
Extremely mischievous,
Just wants to have fun,
Loves to get pets from us,
Each and everyone.
Yapping so excitedly
At everyone and everything,
Such an incredibly funny
Lovable little thing.
Who looks at us imploringly
With great big brown eyes
That we fell in love totally
Should come as no surprise
This lovely little puppy
Right from the start
Became one of the family,
Captured every ones heart.
Apr 10, 2015
Apr 10, 2015 at 3:46 AM UTC
It's 3:09am
I'm im the library
Desperately trying to write a research paper:
'LGBT Familes'
How fitting.
Caffeine courses through my veins
Coffee overloads my bladder
Bathroom.
I hate bathrooms.
When you have no gender
The simple act of relieving yourself becomes a chore
The heavy weight of that key decision
Chokes your lungs as you stand outside the doors
Two doors.
Men.
Women.
Not me.
The choice becomes simplified:
While I sometimes pass as a man
I often do not.
I can choose the men's bathroom
The consequence of which could end in physical violence
The same hate I explain through my essay.
The same fear that plagues my community.
The women's restroom is also an option
The consequences likely less dire than the former:
Heavy side eye and the potential of yelling.
A much safer choice.
Obviously.
Per usual, I walk into the women's room.
I take three strides inside.
Then I stop.
I've never used the men's room.
My fear of violent reactions has always won.
Yet at a time like this
How likely is it that someone is inside the men's room?
Now is my chance to face my fears.
Now I have a safe chance at peeing in peace.
In a bathroom potentially more suiting
Of my gender identity
So I turn around.
Let the door slam behind me.
Half a step into the men's room
The smell of rancid ***** hits my senses
Toilet paper liters the stalls
I have missed absolutely nothing in my years in the women's room
Women have nicer facilities
A significantly more advanced hand dryer
Cleanliness
Air freshener
Men do not have these luxuries
Now I question,
Do men not take as good of care of their bathrooms as women do?
Do the workers intentionally prioritize women's sanitation?
What causes this undeniable divide?
Is the messiness of the men's room a result of their conscious decisions?
Or simply a response to societal expectation?
Regardless,
I think I'll stick to the women's room
While I add bathrooms to my compilation
Of more discrete gender inequality
Oct 31, 2017
Oct 31, 2017 at 2:23 PM UTC
I do not know how you see
A peeing puppy you want me to be
But I would rather have big feet
And a long tail on my seat
A pouch to hold my things
Puppies
You can always find them peeing
Ah wanna be a f***ing kangaroo
But because of stupid puppy lovers like you
My dreams'll never come true
Feb 21, 2011
Feb 21, 2011 at 4:20 PM UTC
I think there was something wrong with my bladder
I noticed I was starting to *** a lot
(Must have had an infection somewhere),
It was like every thirty minutes I was going off to the loo
At this rate I thought you'll have the handle of the loo worn off with all the toilet flushing you're doing,
A little while later I'm out in my back garden walking, getting some air
And there's this... there's this great big **** just growing there
And I think to myself "I wonder what'd happen if I peed on that ****
Would it **** it or have any effect on it'
So I started peeing on the **** and you know strangely it starts to become this kind of obsession with me
A kind of a scientific experiment, this peeing on the ****
(Probably shows how empty my life is LoL)
All through the day I go out to *** on my ****
Even at night I go out with a flashlight just to *** on my ****
And sure enough about a week and a half later
The leaves their all starting to wilt, the whole plant just starts turning to mush
Well that's quite a discovery I say to myself,
*** it's a a potent weedkiller
And then there's this other **** a different kind of **** and I start peeing on that one too
And y'know the same thing happens
After a week or two of being constantly peed upon
The other **** starts to wilt as well turn to mush
I'm suddenly reminded of the famous old scientist Issac Newton
The guy who was out in his garden one day and got hit on the head with the apple and then invented gravity
(What goes up must come down)
"Well", I thought, "Issac you're not the only one who discovered something in his garden
Us scientists, yea! we got to stick together, we're a rare breed altogether"
Anyway awhile later I'm down the shop and I bump into this neighbour of mine
He asks me 'Are you enjoying the lovely Spring weather ?'
I told him I was, that it was lovely weather
Then he asks 'Are you doing any Spring cleaning, that house of yours ?'
I thought for a second, then said "Spring cleaning...Naw!"
Then I smiled "But I have... I have been doing a spot of gardening though".
May 2, 2022
May 2, 2022 at 8:08 PM UTC
I was in a public restroom at the mall takin' a leak in one of those urinals.
There happened to be a TDH (tall dark and handsome) man standing next to me.
And as we were peeing in unison, I leaned over, leaned back,
Looked him in the eyes and said, "Nice **** ******
*Why is he looking at my ****
Is he gay?
Did he just call ME a ******
Is he confused about his sexuality?
Why do I feel insecure about my **** all of a sudden?
What just happened?*
I finished peeing before he did,
So I took my ***** self over to the sink and proceeded to wash my hands.
It wasn't long before TDH was by my side.
We were now washing our hands in unison and he looks over at me and says,
"Nice hands, ******
*Is he hitting on me?
Is he really gay?
Do I really have nice hands?
Does he want to touch them?
Is he just ******* with me?
I don't know what's happening but I like it =)*
Turns out he wasn't gay... nor was I.
We both just happened to be in the business of belittling strangers
With contradictory insults for no apparent reason.
It was a good day.
Nov 4, 2012
Nov 4, 2012 at 5:12 PM UTC
scaled your apartment in one of my favorite dresses
right before sundown
watched the wind billow the blue silk up my thighs,
parachute like
as i looked down,
several stories above your neighbors
(wonder if anyone looked up)
swallowed my human fear, counted the rungs
had opened our forties prematurely in your apartment
sure didn't make climbing any easier
that big map stretched out yawning across the bricks in your living room
spotted the city you were headed for
blame it on uninformed geography but didn't
realize you'd be completely across the country
(didn't tell you but
your cat kissed my nose from the bathroom counter
while i was peeing
and i thought it was one of the most endearing things
that probably ever happened to me)
got to your roof outta breath
all adrenaline and eyes
took off that big leather jacket lined with fleece,
wrapped it around our backs and sat
facing the city you'd be leaving and i'd be entertaining
watched the traffic crawl on the BQE
the sunset bored, you spilled your beer-
kept rolling in it innocently- ******
laughing, god i just
wanted to keep touching you
couldn't decide what to eat
both didn't wanna impose
neither of us could remember the name of that tree
littering pink slippery offspring in spring
for you and me to exclaim fondness over
you were the birth of a simplicity
it was so
terribly easy to be happy
May 11, 2013
May 11, 2013 at 11:31 PM UTC
Not many things are as satisfying
As peeing when you're drunk.
What a rush.
I always realize how lightheaded I am
And that makes me laugh.
Then it's back to the kitchen to replenish
My body's alcohol supply.
May 2, 2014
May 2, 2014 at 5:13 PM UTC
Eating strange things at odd moments
Peeing all hours of the night
Being mean to the ones you love
Hands on your lower back
And walking luck a duck
Painting blue, yellow, or pink
Memories of nesting
Pregnancy is a many splendored thing.
Feb 5, 2015
Feb 5, 2015 at 11:51 AM UTC
There's no health benefits
to fasting: still.
Your body responds
in some paleo-way;
calcium leaks from bones
to balance lost ones
escaping during the ***
Always this homeostasis
while peeing. A setpoint.
There are those who fast
because that is what's left
to them, a prisoner in cell,
on the street, sitting in cubicles
feeling rightness with the same
wrong skin as e's fellow mate.
E does the daily pet cheats
too, until e's tired of it all,
until e wishes that there WAS
a great fallen Leader
to blame, or a giant green Tank
to stand against rice's grain
while holding defiant plastic
shopping bags.
When even violence
has been taken away:
still. We believe in peaceful
God and fast, fast or set ourselves on fire
because the concrete doesn't burn.
Feb 26, 2013
Feb 26, 2013 at 9:18 AM UTC
Do you realize that races are overrated,
since God is no respecter of persons?
Colored perceptions of hatred and bigotry
may ultimately destroy our existence.
Who needs people that:
• Lack brotherly love and respect for others
• Lust for power, wealth and **********
• Lack vision and purpose
• Lack maturity and wisdom
• Have attitudes of superiority
• Are poor in spirit
• Lack discipline and self-control
Colored attitudes, regarding skin tones and hues,
pale in contrast to uncontrolled emotions.
Without responsibility and accountability,
people get themselves in trouble rather quickly.
Who really wants or needs:
• Red’s lustful, passion for someone other than your spouse?
• or Green’s destructional envy of others’ wealth or possessions?
• or Yellow’s fear, smelling of ***** from peeing ourselves?
• or White’s collection of powdered deaths?
• or Blue’s inner sadness or coldness towards others?
• or Brown’s poverty, shame and overall uncleanness?
• or Orange steadfastness for a Godless life?
• or Purple’s smugness from a self-conceived ideal of royalty?
• or Black’s foreboding sicknesses and death?
Our human collective needs to find real commonality,
within this brotherhood of man, as planetary stewards.
Under girded with a genuineness of concern and love,
true understanding can lead to harmonious relationships.
We all have the ability to commune with God’s Spirit;
however, we each must have a desire to do so.
Utopia may be unattainable, unlike… unity of community.
And yes, I forgive you, for thinking I might be racist.
Author Notes:
Loosely based on:
Acts 10: 34; Gal 2: 6; Deut 10: 17; 1 Pet 1: 17
Learn more about me and my poetry at:
http: //www.squidoo.com/book-isbn-1419650513
By Joseph J. Breunig 3rd, © 2012, All rights reserved.
Apr 11, 2013
Apr 11, 2013 at 7:42 AM UTC
The Rhyming Shuffle
Feeling all alone,
life is on postpone.
No one seems to care,
time is now to beware.
Stick me with a fork,
in my *** is a scented cork.
Farts smelling like a rose,
watching bodies decompose.
Climbing up Jacob's ladder,
peeing a lot cause of my bladder.
Calling me an Uncle Tom,
shaving my hairy palm.
Addicted to Candy Crush,
brain turning into mush.
Tired of always snapping,
I deserve some ***** slapping.
Grass is always greener,
with the little old lady from Pasadena.
On board the love boat,
left me with a sore throat.
Saving money is impossible,
spending is just unstoppable.
Writing rhymes is all I know,
all my ducts are in a row.
Going fishing without a pole,
one to many hits from my bowl.
Dying of old age,
took my final bow,
on the center stage.
Sep 27, 2013
Sep 27, 2013 at 2:12 PM UTC
I leant over, and read her notebook.
*Treasure pleasure:
seize the azure instant!!!*
She never forgave me for laughing.
Jun 28, 2013
Jun 28, 2013 at 4:48 AM UTC
It is harder to my overcome my feelings for you
than it is to *** in a bucket with a dog trying to lick my face
Either way there's a lot of spillage
but neither the *** nor the bucket nor the ground nor the dog care
Like I do
Jul 10, 2012
Jul 10, 2012 at 2:27 AM UTC
14th Feb 2014
They are all around us,
within, without, above, behind and before us;
Fanning the flames of the famous, the wealthy and fortunate
with secret agendas and infamous fame of their own.
I throw a stone
send it crashing through houses of glass; I see their
comings and goings in the Grove of Bohemia;
drinkers and liars; role-playing fraternity fools.
There are rules.
It takes more than just peeing at trees to be properly manly;
secrecy more than life is at stake when the fodder is human,
throw off your cares to the punitive furnace of hate.
Such ill-fate
that begets our world leaders, hatched out of a tangible darkness;
parasitic, calamitous, venomous world-gobbling evil
Mammon, devourer of souls, will preside at the feast.
And the Beast,
Fourth Beast of Daniel, squats at the head of the table,
fabled for pitiless torture of souls in transgression,
slavers and gloats over innocence lost and despoiled.
Feb 14, 2014
Feb 14, 2014 at 11:07 AM UTC
we were peeing on the side of my house,
too drunk to wait for a bathroom,
laughing about something I cant remember.
(I think it was goat cheese)
and as the headlights from that **** car nearly blinded us,
you surprised me.
you held me close.
you told me you weren’t ready to lose me,
and that you loved me...not friend love, real love.
(you were slurring your words at this point,
but since i have been waiting a year to hear this,
i’ll take it)
and as tears thick with salt, relief, and regret
rolled down my cheeks,
you kissed me.
then the car honked,
and you ran toward it,
tripped,
and threw up.
god, i love you.
Aug 15, 2011
Aug 15, 2011 at 12:50 AM UTC
such a treasure, and a chore! I have bought the local store
out of bleach, vinegar, baking soda, ***** and kibble.
A bother, yes, when I try
to walk to the bathroom or refrigerator
without being tripped up, and I shuffle along now,
I don't dare to lift my feet for fear of hearing a wounded
yelp. And bad breath, I thought the drunk begging a dollar for a small bottle who lives under the bridge when he asked, "spare a dollar, mister?", and my
eyebrows sizzled , had bad breath. These treasures breath smells like they eat and drink from a septic tank.
Let one whimper or get on their back legs begging me to pick his or her little sticky *** up, and I put it on my chest and watch her , or him, get all cozy listening to my heart beat, and it seems worth it.
Feb 3, 2016
Feb 3, 2016 at 8:16 PM UTC
as an only child to a mother wants three he buys two balloons already blown and fills the downstairs bath, the bath with the cold lever broken. it’s a one story house so any inclusion of down is a joke. his short arms match his legs so he needn’t kneel to put the balloons under. he loses them both below a minute and because they are still strong they make the ceiling. his mother is not there for long stretches but can’t take her eyes off of him nor put them on anything else. his father and stepfather are somewhere peeing on each other to keep warm. the balloons lose air at different rates so he has to lean toward the quicker to make himself develop. his father stepfather in unison and in blood dumb glory sway and are taken with the hymn when I raised him above my head his diaper sagging. his mother sees him taller as he should by now be getting and his mother no longer misses the baby untold where it went as in heaven there is no crying as in hell there is also no crying. the higher balloon hisses and can hiss all it wants.
Jul 3, 2012
Jul 3, 2012 at 3:59 PM UTC
Sirens and drunk laughter
outside my window
burnt ciggerete butts
Empty cases
outside my window
no flowers grow
outside my window
only people peeing
outside my window
***** ***** **** traffic
no white fence
outside my window
a group of lowlifes
junkies and ********
outside my window
wouldn't mind seeing a garden
or a hot girl tanning
outside my window
Walk outside
****** and drunk person
puking
outside my window
moving soon moving soon moving soon
where ill see a backyard outside my window
Jul 25, 2012
Jul 25, 2012 at 1:48 AM UTC
*T'is a man's natural bias to ***
as a **** sapiens erectus,
positioned standing up
celebrating the evolutionary advancement
of his genealogy, his ancestors' first
ah ha moment
but as time went on,
and much time did he possess,
in the course of a single life
full of multiple urinations,
to think upon this
deduced that a man peeing,
but a metaphor
for the unpredictably of life
to the right,
to the left,
but never straight ahead,
such is life denatured,
when you think the path is clear,
you *** on yourself unintentionally*
May 21, 2014
May 21, 2014 at 12:33 AM UTC
Thank you God for my little dog
Thank Lord for not being bored
Thank you Mary for fighting off the wicked fairies.
Thank you Jesus....save me from the sneezes
Thank you me for peeing on a tree.
Aug 31, 2018
Aug 31, 2018 at 8:29 AM UTC
Zain is peeing me off,
he is really annoying,
he is a big cow,
because he called me a cow.
Oct 19, 2014
Oct 19, 2014 at 6:48 PM UTC
Paul, he likes his lighters and his spoon
“Taste that kerosene.” he offers
‘Nah, I’m cool.’
There are people running naked in the street
This one girl, she slipped
Her blood becoming a perfect illustration of a fractal as it mixed with the rain water
Snaking through the leaves
Trickling to the gutter
On its way to the sea
Lucky blood
I wish it was me
I hold the syringe up to the light
Double checking I got it right
And I wonder, in this moment, what you would think of me?
“So then” Paul slides down the wall to the floor
Legs spread in a V, he winks at me
Like a drunken ********** offering more
“What’s your poison?”
****** But don’t get excited Paul, that’s not what I’m here for.’
I expose his skin, and let the needle sink in
“You used to be such a good girl. Goody goody.”
He laughs from his spot on the floor
“Goody; such a weird word. But that’s what you were.”
I recap the needle, carefully now
"What happened to you, Goody? What?” He twitches and slides down more
‘The hospital would be more suited for you, ya know.'
I pack up his insulin, store it back in the fridge.
‘Okay Paul. I’ll be back in the morning. Try not to OD again.’
“Goody Goody.” He laughs up at me from his spot on the floor.
“Goody Goody, that’s what you were.”
Apr 18, 2013
Apr 18, 2013 at 1:31 AM UTC
It took a very long time for A to find B,
and possibly even longer for A with B to get to C,
then D shadowed, and along came easy E,
F hurried, G stumbled, and before you know it,
H pushed, I shoved, J fell, K and L bullied,
doormen and bouncers hired,
and hooked red velvet guest rope installed.
M and N showed legs and other stuff,
O accommodated, P arrived peeing and puking,
Q wandered in by mistake,
R flashed cash, S slid unscathed,
T grinned teeth, U did what?
V spread, W wowed,
and the rest, X, Y, Z,
is history.
If death is nothing, why fear it?
Is it the indifference of nothingness that disturbs the living?
All the energy and effort spent?
Unfinished business? Dead silence?
Or is it the tickle on skin of summer breeze?
Astonishing possibilities?
Privilege of existence?
There are moments when I
almost do it,
a very fragile brink, I want to
call, see, be with her so bad.
No matter what, I miss,
adore her intelligence, sense of humor, moods, body, beauty.
Why?
If death is nothing, why fear it?
Eyes perceive
group of young men approaching
momentary assumptions of danger
passes as inner fear and distrust
process high-spirited partying.
Z: “This is confusing. Put your thoughts in order.”
Y: “But there is no true order.”
Z: “Before you speak another word,
what you got to bring to the table?
Money? Property? Prestige?”
Y: “I offer poetry, ash drawings, new architecture.”
Z: “Lay it on the line, you ****** or be punished!”
Y: “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
Z: “Burn this ******* on a stake,
then eat remains.”
******** runs in pleading for dickwad’s life,
but it’s too late.
******** sits chewing charred flesh at table.
Biscuits get passed around vigorously.
No talk about death.
A: “Who’s the one?”
B: “You are, Daddy.”
A: “But I’m just a tiny force of nature.”
B: “Let’s go see about C.”
A: “Am I not enough for you?”
C: “What and where is love?
Is it an illusion
I strive for an impossible chance?
When will we find each other?
Will I feel belonging?”
Apr 12, 2013
Apr 12, 2013 at 11:08 AM UTC