Cracked vinyl bus seats
Windows that have heard the stories of every passanger smeared with truth
The spit of the elderly woman who fell asleep while reminiscing about the son whom she's visiting that she hasn't seen in 35 years
The stubbled cheeks of the older gentleman who is counting the pennies in his pocket on his way to the store to get food for his daughter
The knitted scarf of the middle-aged woman who is slowly pulling her coat closer to her in an attempt to warm herself because it was the only article of clothing she could afford that year
The ponytail of the teenaged girl who is tracing the scars on her wrist from the last time she tried to end her life
They congregate for a common purpose, but
The doors to their hearts open like the hinged door, letting anyone haphazardly stumble in for a moment,
And
Their souls are brighter than the lights of the megabus as they are honest with themselves for even just a minute
And their walls are temporarily demolished because who would ever have to lie about who they are on a greyhound bus?

Smooth polished church pews
Floors that have been tread upon by every saint stained with lies
The flats of the elderly woman who is nodding off while pretending to pray for the son whom she hasn't spoken to in 35 years
The loafers of the older gentleman who is calculating the amount of money he can sneak from the spagetti dinner fund without getting caught
The high heels of the middle-aged woman who is slowly pulling up her skirt on one side in an attempt to catch the attention of the younger men further down the pew, while her husband holds her hand on the other
The tennis shoes of the teenaged girl who is tracing the bruises under her blouse from the last time she started a fight with her boyfriend
They congregate for a common purpose, but
Their masks are painted on more elaborately than the Sistine Chapel
And
Their lies are built up more intricately than the stained-glass windows that surround them
As they read their words to live by from a book collecting dust in drawers throughout America because who could be anything but holy in a church?

BASED ON TRUE EVENTS:


One evening in the fall my mom took my brother and I to get some food..
We wanted fried chicken so she took us to churches chicken..

We went through the drive through and noticed right away that a brown chevy nova was in front of us while a white ford pick-up was behind us..

I was in the passanger seat, my mom was driving, and my bro was in the back seat..

My brother had a drink with him and he moved up in the middle of the seat to tell me and my mom something..
He spilled the drink onto the front seat and my mom and i tried to avoid getting wet..

In that 3 seconds we all noticed it at once what had truly happened..
The chevy nova in front of us was now behind us while the white ford pick-up was now in front of us..

3 seconds they switched spots.. all 3 of us noticed it.. this is not impossible if the time suited it correctly..

this means the white truck would have to reverse all the way around the restraunt while the brown chevy nova would have to drive all the way around.. i still can not explain it till this day..

There's this thing called the ego,
It likes sitting on the passanger sit,
Until it takes the wheel,
Then it stirs us into a steep road,
Away from everyone in our lives,
It just drives us towards a steep hill,
Where everyone looks like ants,
And it continues driving,
Until it drive us crazily mad,
And we just feel like getting away from those ants
Or we just feel like stepping on those ants,
Because it feels like the ants,
are coming towards us,
As if the ants are walking on our skins,
And we itch and itch to just scratch
But this ego continues driving us away,
more and more towards that steep road,
Where everyone keeps looking like ants,
Unless we take the wheel back.

March 3, 2015

I'm invincible tonight
Snarling punk guitar riffs
Dilate us. Wetting our taste for the Killer
**** chases cops
As I trip out in the passanger seat
he drinks strawberry sodas and smokes cigarettes
I dream in full color
lingering on the edge completeness

I begin to fade into the seat
Watching cars pass on their way

He speaks but his words are lost
A cure for cancer and broken hearts
Head colds and chest colds

The highway breaks and becomes back roads
I pass the time alone with a running reel of thought pictures
None of them including you

He parks
The car doors slam like gunshots
The ground gives way beneath my feet
The stillness as we close in for the ****

The last of my money turns into mere milligrams of peace

We take our hits on the back porch
The dealer's girl and baby sleep on the couch

I turn inside out
The cool night air
I close my eyes
Listening
To my
Pulse
Quickening....  Beneath the skin things begin to heat up

Then its gone
The money and the dreams of growing old
Always tommorow, never today
The clouds float like a silver blanket on the moon's ray's

They speak in tongues beside me
If they asked me, I do not know

Then again she returns
The thorn among the roses
Just as the warmth took me
Just as I began to forget

I don't remeber the ride home
If that's what you call a home

If once it could be like the first time again
I might not die trying to forget the things I fought hardest to keep
Those you love will hurt you the most
Those who love themselves only find solace in oblivion
Somewhere between awake and asleep
The flutter of eyelids
Signal lights for the infinite

Crimson skies dwell above
A caliginous passanger to her allurment,
Her coarse body intertwined with the jagged thorns of a rose, reaching toward every vulnerable crevice.

Yet she stands ***** in her solitude,
Her beauty only amplified by the scars left from years of desolation.

She hides behind her labyrinth
A deceitful shelter from the elements

I journey through her path stumbling through the endless dark

occasionally I find myself aching from the pain as though I can no longer Travel through her unblazed path.

I only pray that one day I can Set my eyes upon her magnificient figure.

To see past her concrete walls and hold my Venus torment in all her pain and suffering.

The night was washed out in a errie blue grey. The moon made the beat for me a bit less anxious.. This part of the city aint never been kind. Taking a long drag from a stale ciggarette i thought about the dective boss man introduced me too at the bar. A Robert Cobalt. A steely dispostion and eyes that cut through in a way that didnt make total sense. He told me about a  lead. Riches and adventure await if I'd just put aside some morals and go with it he said. Diamonds.. Always been attracted to the worthless things, theyre just rocks but I bet a fist full of em.would make any man feel like a god. The light turned green and I wondered what would make a man get all twisted up and go after such a thing. Turning a corner towards 8th street I looked out my passanger window and saw something not too out of the ordinary on this side, a man approaching a women, knife in hand and a gait that meant bussiness. I turned on my lights and told the sunnuvabitch to stop where he was, guess the man was desperate cause he ran full force towards the women, after her bag id guess. Reflex and training set in and i went through the motions, the whole time thinking theres no way i could be fast enough to stop this. What i sae next surprised the hell outta me. Calm as could be, right before the man got to her and right as i was stepping out of the car she threw an elbow right into the mans chest. He doubled over, caught of guard by the heavy blow. She grabbed the back of his head by his hair pulled him up straight and flat laid him out with a well placed blow to the jaw. Subsequenctially my jaw hit the floor. I walked towards her slowly, the threat neutralized. She stood calmly and lit her self a smoke. She told me her name was Tessa. Tessa rosiere. A privite invistagator. I guess i looked more shaken than she did as she offered me a ciggarette. I stood there for maybe a bit too long without saying anything and the man started to groan and stir. I asked what she was doing out here this late already knowing the answer. Following a lead she says.. Before i can ask more theres a bright flash a strange smell and a dull pain. I look down and my stomachs leaking blood. Cant remember much after that. No idea who had shot me but waking up in the hospital on the east end was surprise. Still alive i guess. The sterile scent of the room made me feel like.running and the sight of all the tubes sent my heart faster than it needed to be. Shot in gut. Either by tessa or by that ***.. Maybe even some one else who knows. Still alive though.. Oddly the tgought of diamons crept into my scattered brain. The idea seemed more than appealing now.  No more late beats in a bad part of town. No more getting shot,  no more having to work. Just a fist full of diamonds and the freedom.to do as i wanted. My last groggy thought as the flourecnest lights blurred was of Cobalt.. I'd find the *******. And see what he had to say
.sleep took me like a riptide.

It wasn't long after when I got out of the hospital. The doctor gave me all kinds of prescriptions but I knew the only medicine i needed was waiting for me in a smokey room full of tired souls. A double on the rocks. I walked into the run down pub and the smell of cigars and whiskey welcomed me like a hug from my father. Only not as warm. "Double on the rocks. Keep me comin til I leave." I said. Muddy Waters was painting the whole place blue. "That's not gonna help you heal, jewels.." A voice said behind me. I turned around and it was special agent Heller and her trainee Agent Ronen. They had sweet faces but you'd be a lucky man to not be on their bad side. Heller blew smoke in my face with a smile. I guess that's as close as I'll get to a "welcome back". We sat and talked for a while while Ronen looked at her phone. She wasn't into conversation much. Once we were all sure we had one too many, we were ready to call it a night until Ronen got a call. "****. Don't pack it in just yet." Heller scoffed "I'll be ****** if I'm gonna go wipe some rookies nose this late at night." Ronen looked at her boss sternly. "You're gonna wanna see with one. It's not rookie this time. Murphy Pendleton just kicked the door in on a **** lab on 92nd street". Pendleton. That crazy *******. Hearing his name ****** me off. "You guys can go handle that ******* on your own. I'm not..." "No. You're coming. I saw your badge and Gun. You might as well be on the clock Jewels. Let's get down there before he scares off the camera crews again. It's gonna be a long night." Heller said putting out her cigarette in my drink. She was right. No one ever wants to walk in on a crime scene if Pendleton is involved. Chief Cobalts been after that ******* badge for years. But ******* does he get the job done. Tip the bartender, grab the coats. Time to see what fresh hell was waiting for us. Before we left, I put Tom Waits on the jukebox...

I don't even hear the sirens anymore. We all got in Hellers squad car and headed to the crime scene. I see the lights flashing from the roof of the car. But the sirens might as well be the sound of a car passing or a telephone ringing. When you hear something everyday, it just fades away. Heller and Ronen sat up front and I was in the back. I had forgotten how cramped it was back there. It took me back to when I was a stupid kid. Back when I was afraid of those same lights and same sirens. Back when i still saw people passing by, not just potential criminals. We pulled up to the crime scene and the press was everywhere. The whole front of the building was taped off. "Well at least there aren't any bodies in the street this time. Looks like Pendleton could be getting soft on us." I saw Ronen let a smile slip across her face. I couldn't help but laugh. We all know Pendleton's rep. I guess you gotta have a dark sense of humor for this ****. One of the rookies I liked was holding the line. "Ventus. What are we looking at?" I asked while lighting up a cig. Ventus looked down at her feet. "It's not good. He really just......it's not good." She said in a tired low tone. Heller put a hand on her shoulder. "Go home Tera. We can handle this. Jewels. You go on ahead with Ronen." Heller said. We walked under the tape and towards the scene. The door to the small shop was handing off the hinges. Bullet holes in the glass. Blood on the floor. The red trail led us to the back room. One. Two. Three. Four. Four dead bodies. Blood on the walls. And in the cleaning supply closet on the back wall off this moldy dreary **** lab sat Pendleton on a over turned bucket. He still had his pistol in his hand. "Ronen. I'm gonna..." I started. "Psh. You don't gotta tell me twice." She said before exiting back to the front of the store. A shoe shop with a **** lab in the back. That's a new one. I started towards Pendleton. It was hardly a graceful entrance on account of having to dance around dead bodies. About 3 feet from Pendleton is where I noticed, the man wasn't shaking. He was just sitting. "Pendleton. What the **** are you doing? What happened here?" I barked. "Got a lead on this lab and came to investigate. As soon as they saw me, the pulled their guns. I didn't wanna get left out so I pulled mine. The 2 up front ran to the back. Caught the tall one in the shoulder. Reloaded and came back here. Boom. Boom. Boom. Boom." He said. Calm and collected. "There's only 2 guns on the floor. The other two, why are they dead?" I asked. "**** Jewels. Maybe after I dropped the two with guns, the other 2 picked them up. Maybe I did what I had to. And maybe I'm not in the mood for all YOUR ****** QUESTIONS." He yelled looking up at me. His teeth showing like a mad dog. His gun was still in his hand. "Get your **** together Pendleton. This isn't the time or place for your ****. And put your ****** gun up. The cameras are right outside." I said quietly. Pendleton was a loose canon. And I made it known I hated his guts. But hey, you can't choose who you work with. "What's the matter with you? Normally you woulda left by now. Why are you sticking around for this one?" I asked looking around the room. Pendleton reached in his pocket and pulled something out. "I pulled the IDs on all these guys." He said handing me for drivers licenses. "Jacob Wrens, Joseph Brown, Tanner Wilcocks and David........Cobalt..." I read to myself. I darted my eyes at him. His face was dead. His eyes were grey. "Murphy.....are you telling me......one of these kids is the chiefs son?" I said slowly. He looked down at the floor, opened his mouth and said ".....was"

u find a strange heart,
ask it the cause of existance,
a wondrous expression,
and a reason of being gypsy...
on stalk of dreams,
flowy in windy breeze,
i rely my everything for sake of love,
from every direction comes only a gaze ,
of hatred and deception!!


for sake of love, a dead city,
awakens from the spreading of dust,
sun kisses in its golden color,
the blueness of vast sky,
and life is blown in souls rust,
just for sake of love!!


ur thought, a reflection,
shivers me thorough,
makes me tremble,
like an autumn leaf in season of fall,
i make a call,
for my fragile heart,
to be held and enslaved by the moment of love,
just for sake of love!!


it is falling slowly on island of dark hold,
i need a courage yet, to leave this place,
my eyes glare upon the paths unknown,
silence is its passanger,
and companions are nt sober too,
but,
i am waiting for moon to show me the way,
so i cross the leap,
dive deep,
the oceans of oceans,
in love,
just for sake of llove!!

😊🔥😍

What game are you playing dear?
Well to say that i do not understand what is happening between us is to say nothing!
I have always been the one and only.
You keep me waiting and wondering all the time.

Are you not serious about me or our relationship oris this not what you are looking for??
We can be the best couple if we only we both put in a little effort.
I am ready and willing, are you?

Just write me an answer and share your thoughts and plans about the future.
I need to know if i am part of your plans or just a passanger in your moving train.
You are often in my thoughts.
I am not the type to pursue a woman!
I am looking for mutual true feelings.
Waiting in anticipation for your reply.

In an amazing fashion today
Emotions broiled for lack of medication
The daylight as seen behind my closed wet eyes
A complexity's riddle of swirling reds, melting shades
Of midnight blues to explode against my lens yellow
A kaleidoscope of so many runaway misconceptions
I thought and lost hold then filled the role of passenger
Witness within without control watching
The systematic sabotage of something good being broken
It was my voice, but all too strongly laced with malice
My words sent by my device and typed out by hands like mine
Hurtful accusations that I knew could not be true
Blame and shame and petty thinking were tools that ruined
I fought, but I couldn't make my mind stop racing
Only break up a little more inside know the consequences
She would hate me, put up walls and take away new roads
Rightly so, I know how unstable my cursed and hated self
Looks to those that stand too close when it gets out
I've more than once lost and had to go alone following
Each time I've been made a passanger witness within
Again and again and I know, that connection it broke
Is gone for good, I hate him I hate that I am him to the world outside of my skin.