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"panic" poems
I dreamt that I'd tell you,   I dreamt I'd convince you. I dreamt you would love me and I too would love you. I dreamt of perfection, a dream so romantic. I dreamt you would smile and carefully panic. I dreamt you would hug me.   I dreamt we would both see, together we're better -   I dreamt you weren't choosy. I dreamt up the ways of how I could tell you. I dreamt up bouquets and a time and place too. I dreamt that I told you.   I dreamt that I could do. I dreamt that it happened.   I dreamt of a breakthrough. instead i told you at 3am   drunk   on facebook and i took it back the next morning
0
Jun 11, 2012
Jun 11, 2012 at 6:22 PM UTC
Imperfect Perfection
Anxiety is love's greatest killer. It makes others feel as you might when a drowning man holds on to you. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his panic.
0
Oct 21, 2014
Oct 21, 2014 at 11:03 PM UTC
Anxiety
Here is the inimitable Jeff Buckley's poem, "My New Year's Eve Prayer," which he performed live at Sin-é in Manhattan, NYC, in 1996. "You, my love, are allowed to forget about the Christmas you just spent stressed out in your parents' house. You, my love, are allowed to shed the weight of all the years before, like bad disco clothes. Save them for a night of dancing ****** with your lover. You, my love, are allowed to let yourself drown every night in bottomless wild and naked symbolic dreams. You, my love, in sleep can unlock your youth and your most terrifying magic; and dreaming is for the courageous. You, my love, are allowed to grab my guitar and sing me idiot love songs if you've lost your ability to speak. Keep it down to two minutes. You, my love, are allowed to rot and to die and to live again, more alive and incandescent than before. You, my love, are allowed to beat the **** out of your television, choke it's thoughts and corrupt its mind. **** **** **** **** the ************ before the song of zombiefied pain and panic and malaise and it's narrow right-winged vision and it's cheap commercial gang **** becomes the white noise of the world. Turn about is fair play. You, my love, are allowed to forgive and love your television. You, my love, are allowed to speak in kisses to those around you and those up in heaven. You, my love, are allowed to show your babies how to dance full bodied, starry eyed, audacious, supernatural and glorified. You, my love, are allowed to **** in every single endeavor. You, my love, are allowed to be soaked like a lovers' blanket in the New York summertime with the wonder of your own special gift. You, my love, are allowed to receive praise. You, my love, are allowed to have time. You, my love, are allowed to understand. You, my love, are allowed to love. Woman, disobey, when little men believe; You, my love, are Rebellion."
0
Aug 3, 2015
Aug 3, 2015 at 5:08 PM UTC
My New Year's Eve Prayer by Jeff Buckley
Here is the inimitable Jeff Buckley's poem, "My New Year's Eve Prayer," which he performed live at Sin-é in Manhattan, NYC, in 1996. "You, my love, are allowed to forget about the Christmas you just spent stressed out in your parents' house. You, my love, are allowed to shed the weight of all the years before, like bad disco clothes. Save them for a night of dancing ****** with your lover. You, my love, are allowed to let yourself drown every night in bottomless wild and naked symbolic dreams. You, my love, in sleep can unlock your youth and your most terrifying magic; and dreaming is for the courageous. You, my love, are allowed to grab my guitar and sing me idiot love songs if you've lost your ability to speak. Keep it down to two minutes. You, my love, are allowed to rot and to die and to live again, more alive and incandescent than before. You, my love, are allowed to beat the **** out of your television, choke it's thoughts and corrupt its mind. **** **** **** **** the ************ before the song of zombiefied pain and panic and malaise and it's narrow right-winged vision and it's cheap commercial gang **** becomes the white noise of the world. Turn about is fair play. You, my love, are allowed to forgive and love your television. You, my love, are allowed to speak in kisses to those around you and those up in heaven. You, my love, are allowed to show your babies how to dance full bodied, starry eyed, audacious, supernatural and glorified. You, my love, are allowed to **** in every single endeavor. You, my love, are allowed to be soaked like a lovers' blanket in the New York summertime with the wonder of your own special gift. You, my love, are allowed to receive praise. You, my love, are allowed to have time. You, my love, are allowed to understand. You, my love, are allowed to love. Woman, disobey, when little men believe; You, my love, are Rebellion."
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46
I think sometimes, about what it means to be transgender. I probe and probe for answers, because as the possibility for a new age of enlightenment and safety increases, the others want to know. I’ve come up with many answers, but I can hold to none. I don’t deserve to paint the definition of a culture with the limited experiences I’ve had. I don’t see myself in the transgender identified people allowed on television. I don’t see myself in the transgender identified people making news feeds and giving high profile interviews. And as my nation’s exposure to our culture increases, likely will their curiosity. Am I transgender? Do I have the right? I’ve heard doctors, psychiatrists, may refuse transgender patients access to hormone therapy based on how dedicated or convincing their portrayal of their identified gender. If you want to be a man or woman, you’ll have to look like the women and men on TV. If you want to be transgender, you’ll have to look like the trans identified people on TV. Every single one of us who has an active role as either participant or observer in our society is prey to the crisis of validity. Am I pretty enough? Am I strong enough? Am I brave enough? Mom enough? Dad enough? Competitive enough? Successful enough? Rich enough? **** enough? Pious enough? It never ends. We’re, as a nation of people, being crushed and compartmentalized by this ever present lens, looming over us, exploiting our weaknesses and fears so it may grow wider, and support itself as it follows us, seemingly forever into the future. And one of the worst fears this camera of existential torment exploits, in most of us every day, is, “Do I have a reflection?” “What does it look like?” “Do I look like me?” What does it mean to be transgender? I can’t get away from that question. But I don’t have an answer. There are varying degrees of anguish, depression, panic, anxiety, and other wonderful emotional states that creep up on you and breathe down your neck nearly every waking day. Absolute contempt for the lie of a life you’ve lived till now, and contempt for the fragments still stuck to you, in memories, attached to your body and mind. Fear of those in your own community who would purposefully humiliate, invalidate, or attack you, choosing their own universal moral code over the innate urge and capacity to support the health and continued well being of another human. A ******* neighbor. A ******* pupil. A ******* employee. A ******* sister, brother, son, daughter, mother, father, cousin, ******* blood. What is being transgender like? By my experiences, it’s just like being anyone else in the country. But with a lot more fear, death, exclusion and medication.
0
Feb 5, 2015
Feb 5, 2015 at 5:07 AM UTC
What is Transgender?
I think sometimes, about what it means to be transgender. I probe and probe for answers, because as the possibility for a new age of enlightenment and safety increases, the others want to know. I’ve come up with many answers, but I can hold to none. I don’t deserve to paint the definition of a culture with the limited experiences I’ve had. I don’t see myself in the transgender identified people allowed on television. I don’t see myself in the transgender identified people making news feeds and giving high profile interviews. And as my nation’s exposure to our culture increases, likely will their curiosity. Am I transgender? Do I have the right? I’ve heard doctors, psychiatrists, may refuse transgender patients access to hormone therapy based on how dedicated or convincing their portrayal of their identified gender. If you want to be a man or woman, you’ll have to look like the women and men on TV. If you want to be transgender, you’ll have to look like the trans identified people on TV. Every single one of us who has an active role as either participant or observer in our society is prey to the crisis of validity. Am I pretty enough? Am I strong enough? Am I brave enough? Mom enough? Dad enough? Competitive enough? Successful enough? Rich enough? **** enough? Pious enough? It never ends. We’re, as a nation of people, being crushed and compartmentalized by this ever present lens, looming over us, exploiting our weaknesses and fears so it may grow wider, and support itself as it follows us, seemingly forever into the future. And one of the worst fears this camera of existential torment exploits, in most of us every day, is, “Do I have a reflection?” “What does it look like?” “Do I look like me?” What does it mean to be transgender? I can’t get away from that question. But I don’t have an answer. There are varying degrees of anguish, depression, panic, anxiety, and other wonderful emotional states that creep up on you and breathe down your neck nearly every waking day. Absolute contempt for the lie of a life you’ve lived till now, and contempt for the fragments still stuck to you, in memories, attached to your body and mind. Fear of those in your own community who would purposefully humiliate, invalidate, or attack you, choosing their own universal moral code over the innate urge and capacity to support the health and continued well being of another human. A ******* neighbor. A ******* pupil. A ******* employee. A ******* sister, brother, son, daughter, mother, father, cousin, ******* blood. What is being transgender like? By my experiences, it’s just like being anyone else in the country. But with a lot more fear, death, exclusion and medication.
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1
Polite Typical Smiley Daughter Pointlessly Trusting School District Professor Turns-blind-eye Struggling Drastically Packets Turn-to Stacks Deficient Panic Attacks Turn-to Self Destruction Pulling Teeth Sick Design Plans To Stop Discussing Peace To-her Silence Disturbs People Talked She Distracted Passed The Snacks-to Dinners Pulled The Same Dimensions Pre-K Then Smaller Didn't Pause Third-Grade So Dead Parents Though She Drowned Piled Thoughts Suffocated-her Dexterity Patient There Suffering Depression Problems To-many-to Score Dispute Progress That Shockingly Developed Potentially Taken-away-the Suffering Dramatically Poor Tiny Sweet Doll Part Traumatized Sleep Deprived Phobic though Sixth grade Doesn't Play Though Six-Years-of Death Until... The little girl, learned she had, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and, school treating her badly is only one of her three traumatizing events.
0
Apr 24, 2015
Apr 24, 2015 at 7:59 PM UTC
PTSD
Panic attacks for me are shakey. I start to think everyone's starring, I wonder what they're thinking. My resoloution is to get out. Then the tears come pouring down. As they do my body follows. I sink to the ground and try to hide myself. The sleeves of my jacket become soaked, And then my heart feels like it'll explode. Anxiety is a whole nother code.
0
Apr 2, 2015
Apr 2, 2015 at 8:02 PM UTC
Panic Attack
You are my wind You are my sun The blood in my veins The bones to make me stand I've been drowning And i thought you were my life raft I thought you were my island My safe place to escape But turning away from the water Won't make it go away Running from the sea Won't make it less deep I've grown so used to finding my boat So used to hiding from the tide I panicked when it wasn't there Has my boat sailed away? The panic gave me a cramp Tied weights to me And I began to sink faster How could my boat do this? How could it sail away? But the more I missed my boat The more I needed it to stay But not as safety Not as refuge But a love to share And laugh and grow I still need my boat But not like I did before No more hiding No more dry land I need to swim Because boats are fun And great for days But the sea is a beast That no boat can match No she doesn't care that I'm a mermaid Who fell in love with a fisherman She doesn't care I've spent too much time on dry land I forgot how to use my fins A mermaid that can't swim What a pathetic life it is But she's cruel She wont keep the boats around So don't forget how to swim Don't forget how to use your fins We are strong us mermaids Making deals with sea witches Seducing men to their death All fine folk tales But you have to believe the myth Always been strong Because regardless of what Disney said I can't grow legs I'll always be a mermaid But what use is it if I can't swim When I learn how to swim again I hope my fisherman will come back I hope he hasn't sailed too far away When I'm on deck of our boat again We will dance and sing Maybe have dogs And flowers to remind us of land A piano in the dining room And guitars lining the walls Music will echo They can hear us from land The happy fisher and his happy mermaid Living together again But storms always come Because that's how nature works It rains It snows It storms Than the sun returns This time when the storm comes And makes waves that could touch the moon And I get thrown overboard I won't forget how to swim I'll play with the fish Make friends with sharks And await the return of my beautiful fisherman But you will always be my wind My sun The air in my lungs But soon I will have gills So I can breath when the water comes You can't be my fins anymore You can't be my dry land You can't save me from drowning Because mermaids are free But if you want You can be free with me So please return my beautiful sailor And we can live on our happy boat And I'll be one with the sea Because this sea is a part of me
0
Aug 18, 2014
Aug 18, 2014 at 11:39 PM UTC
My beautiful fisherman
You are my wind You are my sun The blood in my veins The bones to make me stand I've been drowning And i thought you were my life raft I thought you were my island My safe place to escape But turning away from the water Won't make it go away Running from the sea Won't make it less deep I've grown so used to finding my boat So used to hiding from the tide I panicked when it wasn't there Has my boat sailed away? The panic gave me a cramp Tied weights to me And I began to sink faster How could my boat do this? How could it sail away? But the more I missed my boat The more I needed it to stay But not as safety Not as refuge But a love to share And laugh and grow I still need my boat But not like I did before No more hiding No more dry land I need to swim Because boats are fun And great for days But the sea is a beast That no boat can match No she doesn't care that I'm a mermaid Who fell in love with a fisherman She doesn't care I've spent too much time on dry land I forgot how to use my fins A mermaid that can't swim What a pathetic life it is But she's cruel She wont keep the boats around So don't forget how to swim Don't forget how to use your fins We are strong us mermaids Making deals with sea witches Seducing men to their death All fine folk tales But you have to believe the myth Always been strong Because regardless of what Disney said I can't grow legs I'll always be a mermaid But what use is it if I can't swim When I learn how to swim again I hope my fisherman will come back I hope he hasn't sailed too far away When I'm on deck of our boat again We will dance and sing Maybe have dogs And flowers to remind us of land A piano in the dining room And guitars lining the walls Music will echo They can hear us from land The happy fisher and his happy mermaid Living together again But storms always come Because that's how nature works It rains It snows It storms Than the sun returns This time when the storm comes And makes waves that could touch the moon And I get thrown overboard I won't forget how to swim I'll play with the fish Make friends with sharks And await the return of my beautiful fisherman But you will always be my wind My sun The air in my lungs But soon I will have gills So I can breath when the water comes You can't be my fins anymore You can't be my dry land You can't save me from drowning Because mermaids are free But if you want You can be free with me So please return my beautiful sailor And we can live on our happy boat And I'll be one with the sea Because this sea is a part of me
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97
Are you listening to the whispers? are you feeling scandalised? Harbouring ***** little feelings that you wanna sanitise? Walk through the swinging doors of a catholic franchise Ask em for that sailors knot a black-n-white man-ties To the pairs of prying eyes his practical rebuke Is a marital disguise and a tactical puke Throw the garter ‘mongst the pigeons, the voluntary victims... Whose single minds are filled with matrimonial conviction Paired up poets pool their miseries; the price of art Each miserable synergy - the sum of its parts Did he swear that he’d hold you ever dear to his heart? To love and to cherish til your knees did part? If she wants you like her father and you want her like your mother What the hell are you gonna do when you’re bored of one another? There she stands on ceremony all silk and sinew While the vow evicted from his Adam’s apple continues To stutter as the panic builds like stifled farts Til it splutters its devotions on her lady parts Her eyes sentence you to sit though your neck-hairs stand She’s the ****** ****** written in the lines on your palm Old scores squeeze sideways through her gritted teeth And he takes on the debt of every promise she believed Hide the love-bites in a polo-neck, your love life in a Rolodex When the ***** hand of happen-stance runs its evil down your keks Cos like the indelible digits on your bathroom mirror Love is for life until you dress it with liquor If she wants you like her father and you want her like your mother What the hell are you gonna do when you’re bored of one another? We are but experiments, seven billion shades of wrong The clever ones stay celibate, the others pass it on That’s an easy line to settle-on in present company Single-riders in the peloton to pick up the debris
0
Mar 7, 2018
Mar 7, 2018 at 5:44 PM UTC
(You Will in Your) Holy Matrimony
Are you listening to the whispers? are you feeling scandalised? Harbouring ***** little feelings that you wanna sanitise? Walk through the swinging doors of a catholic franchise Ask em for that sailors knot a black-n-white man-ties To the pairs of prying eyes his practical rebuke Is a marital disguise and a tactical puke Throw the garter ‘mongst the pigeons, the voluntary victims... Whose single minds are filled with matrimonial conviction Paired up poets pool their miseries; the price of art Each miserable synergy - the sum of its parts Did he swear that he’d hold you ever dear to his heart? To love and to cherish til your knees did part? If she wants you like her father and you want her like your mother What the hell are you gonna do when you’re bored of one another? There she stands on ceremony all silk and sinew While the vow evicted from his Adam’s apple continues To stutter as the panic builds like stifled farts Til it splutters its devotions on her lady parts Her eyes sentence you to sit though your neck-hairs stand She’s the ****** ****** written in the lines on your palm Old scores squeeze sideways through her gritted teeth And he takes on the debt of every promise she believed Hide the love-bites in a polo-neck, your love life in a Rolodex When the ***** hand of happen-stance runs its evil down your keks Cos like the indelible digits on your bathroom mirror Love is for life until you dress it with liquor If she wants you like her father and you want her like your mother What the hell are you gonna do when you’re bored of one another? We are but experiments, seven billion shades of wrong The clever ones stay celibate, the others pass it on That’s an easy line to settle-on in present company Single-riders in the peloton to pick up the debris
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32
If I travelled, across the landscape of my mind, And, I chose to take you with me – guess what you might find? I’d talk you into many things, I’d make you see the sea. We would buy some wood Pay by cheque, which you would check And build an arc upon an ark. And you’d, set sail with me! Whether we had the weather or not We’d sail a week, and you’d feel so weak You’ll beg me for dry land! And so, we’d end the feat on our two feet And, tow; toe-to toe. Until ashore, we land. We’d shout aloud, if that’s allowed? To see if we’re alone? We’d find we are and start to panic But get woken by the phone. Steve Collins. 24/8/10
0
Aug 24, 2010
Aug 24, 2010 at 1:06 PM UTC
Homophone Dream
everyone keeps saying "we made it" and it's actually a little confusing because it's almost like they thought we couldn't five teenagers on lockdown have never caused so much panic but I guess we're just the deadbeat generation (knock once for failure, twice for rebirth, three times to see your life in twenty years- who knows, maybe you'll have a life in twenty years) we pick locks on bad days turn back the clocks on good days if we try hard enough maybe we'll go back to the glory days I wanna blast music from the busted up speakers in the back of my car I wanna live like I used to we're anthems and parades and kids crying out in the middle of the night when the hole in their stomach opens up or closes we're caught up in a whirlwind of scientific facts and figures and sometimes I want to scream at the top of my lungs as if that'll help me escape the noise in my head punk isn't about living through the fall of something it's about living through the rise of me I am real I am here I will scream it from the ******* rooftops if I have to I will tap my fingertips on tables even when I'm told not to I will tattoo myself a thousand times over, an endless mantra of existence i exist i exist i exist this isn't a happy ending, or at least it isn't the one I was promised but it's something it's okay and that's good enough because okay is ******* wonderful lace my fingers with yours call me a queen tell me you'll never let me go because I will never let you go we are the kids who will never stop living even when they tell us that we are impossible we are heartbeats pounding on cracked pavement, leather and cheap beer, lather me in love lay me down to sleep with the promise of tomorrow promise me that tomorrow will still be there when I wake up you can have a house but not a home I was a house but not a home until I met you deadbeat degenerates make a better family than most.
0
Jun 24, 2014
Jun 24, 2014 at 8:37 AM UTC
deadbeat generation
everyone keeps saying "we made it" and it's actually a little confusing because it's almost like they thought we couldn't five teenagers on lockdown have never caused so much panic but I guess we're just the deadbeat generation (knock once for failure, twice for rebirth, three times to see your life in twenty years- who knows, maybe you'll have a life in twenty years) we pick locks on bad days turn back the clocks on good days if we try hard enough maybe we'll go back to the glory days I wanna blast music from the busted up speakers in the back of my car I wanna live like I used to we're anthems and parades and kids crying out in the middle of the night when the hole in their stomach opens up or closes we're caught up in a whirlwind of scientific facts and figures and sometimes I want to scream at the top of my lungs as if that'll help me escape the noise in my head punk isn't about living through the fall of something it's about living through the rise of me I am real I am here I will scream it from the ******* rooftops if I have to I will tap my fingertips on tables even when I'm told not to I will tattoo myself a thousand times over, an endless mantra of existence i exist i exist i exist this isn't a happy ending, or at least it isn't the one I was promised but it's something it's okay and that's good enough because okay is ******* wonderful lace my fingers with yours call me a queen tell me you'll never let me go because I will never let you go we are the kids who will never stop living even when they tell us that we are impossible we are heartbeats pounding on cracked pavement, leather and cheap beer, lather me in love lay me down to sleep with the promise of tomorrow promise me that tomorrow will still be there when I wake up you can have a house but not a home I was a house but not a home until I met you deadbeat degenerates make a better family than most.
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32
Whatever you do, keep smiling. Be nice to everyone and stand up for your rights. There are many paths to the top of the mountain but few of them are on the map. Keep running, never give up, and watch out for the seriously weird. Avoid psychopaths, if you can recognize them, be polite to witches and warlocks, eschew cannibals, beware of the hippopotamus in heat, don’t drink the second bottle when dancing the Funky Chicken, and only massage someone without pimples or hairy legs. Never give up and keep smiling. It's a hard life, it's a beautiful world, life's a ***** it's great to be alive, life is nasty, brutish and short, don’t give up and keep smiling. Everyone is a guru but ignorance is everywhere, and don't mix hallucinogens with depressants. If someone tells you that they're honest, treat them with the greatest suspicion. Live to the limits, we're only alive once, and that's just as well, because imagine if people you didn't like were immortal. Keep smiling, never give up, always hawk to windward, and never leave your underpants or ******* behind. Everyone's equal but only the strong survive, especially when they take from the weak because what you seize is what you get. The meek shall inherit the earth, but the earth that they inherit will be of poor quality with no mineral deposits. Party lots, work hard, never give up, and keep smiling. Don't work so hard you don't enjoy yourself, remember that the bird is on the wing, then it falls off its perch and becomes a miserable pile of feathers and feet. The fast lane is the best lane but it's very smooth and slippery and there are no road rules. Watch out for lawyers. Seriously. They put the devil in the details while their hand is in your wallet. Everything comes to you if only you can wait, but this takes too long. Clean your teeth, obey authority, except for arrogant ******** and don't forget that love and pleasure are most important, despite what anybody else says. When you panic, other people will panic, which is good, because in this confusion, you can make your escape. Mike T Minehan
0
Oct 31, 2012
Oct 31, 2012 at 9:14 PM UTC
Advice from Others
Whatever you do, keep smiling. Be nice to everyone and stand up for your rights. There are many paths to the top of the mountain but few of them are on the map. Keep running, never give up, and watch out for the seriously weird. Avoid psychopaths, if you can recognize them, be polite to witches and warlocks, eschew cannibals, beware of the hippopotamus in heat, don’t drink the second bottle when dancing the Funky Chicken, and only massage someone without pimples or hairy legs. Never give up and keep smiling. It's a hard life, it's a beautiful world, life's a ***** it's great to be alive, life is nasty, brutish and short, don’t give up and keep smiling. Everyone is a guru but ignorance is everywhere, and don't mix hallucinogens with depressants. If someone tells you that they're honest, treat them with the greatest suspicion. Live to the limits, we're only alive once, and that's just as well, because imagine if people you didn't like were immortal. Keep smiling, never give up, always hawk to windward, and never leave your underpants or ******* behind. Everyone's equal but only the strong survive, especially when they take from the weak because what you seize is what you get. The meek shall inherit the earth, but the earth that they inherit will be of poor quality with no mineral deposits. Party lots, work hard, never give up, and keep smiling. Don't work so hard you don't enjoy yourself, remember that the bird is on the wing, then it falls off its perch and becomes a miserable pile of feathers and feet. The fast lane is the best lane but it's very smooth and slippery and there are no road rules. Watch out for lawyers. Seriously. They put the devil in the details while their hand is in your wallet. Everything comes to you if only you can wait, but this takes too long. Clean your teeth, obey authority, except for arrogant ******** and don't forget that love and pleasure are most important, despite what anybody else says. When you panic, other people will panic, which is good, because in this confusion, you can make your escape. Mike T Minehan
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53
i slipped out into the waves of watercolour that broke themselves upon the shore of the horizon and i disappeared as they darkened into black i escaped through the sunset as words were climbing up my legs setting fire to my ears and forcing me to retreat away from the choking letters and sinking ink that tattooed all this sound into my skin at first, the sunset saved me and the waves that gently hit the dock felt like a heartbeat telling me that this was how it would always be but soon, i began to miss the panic just for the simple fact that it was a feeling and the sunset had stolen them all from me leaving me bare, black and stretched high above unable to land on the ground again unable to even blink stars down onto the grass unable to do anything other than wait for the sun to rise again but solstice has already passed and the dark hours grow longer again and i am pulled thin, veiling a world that accepts me as the night and doesn't even miss the stars
0
Jul 11, 2014
Jul 11, 2014 at 11:05 AM UTC
sunset
When you have b.p.d you can't really control your emotions. Everything hits you like a wave. And you can't take it all in because It's exactly like being hit by a wave. You panic, and try to grab hold of The ground to keep you from going Deeper but your grip loosen and the next thing you know you're neck deep.
0
May 13, 2014
May 13, 2014 at 2:45 AM UTC
Neck deep.
I rolled out of bed to start my day, but the power was off my all electric home, as still as a grave. No coffee, or toast. The refrigerator not cold, the freezer started dripping the contents soon to spoil. No computer, no cell phone service! I began sweating profusely, no air conditioning to cool me. Not even a TV Emergency Broadcast Alert, to release this uneasy feeling of topsy-turvy . I drove into town seeking a pay phone, with not a single one to be found, gone the way of the dinosaurs, extinct now too I assumed. My old truck had no computer chips, most cars did and were dead in their tracks. I needed gas but the gas station pumps electric computer driven, all DOA to boot. The Nations electric grid had crashed, blacked out, stone cold dead everywhere. All heavenly satellites blacked out, expired. Everything computer related (and that is about everything), had ceased to function as had the electronic reliant world we had created.   The street throngs of dazed people walked around like zombies, clutching blacked out dead computer devices, knowing not what to do. Not even talking, forgotten I guess how to do that too. As dependently defectively programmed as the useless devices in their hands. In a panic I did awake finding that this scary dream world was indeed all fake, a nightmare of fearful unconscious thinking. My electric clock was still churning, It's music alarm blaring, birds outside still singing, my cell phone started ringing, it was merely another Robot call, Welcoming me back to the 21 century.
0
Jul 17, 2017
Jul 17, 2017 at 10:51 PM UTC
Dinosaurs and Devices
I rolled out of bed to start my day, but the power was off my all electric home, as still as a grave. No coffee, or toast. The refrigerator not cold, the freezer started dripping the contents soon to spoil. No computer, no cell phone service! I began sweating profusely, no air conditioning to cool me. Not even a TV Emergency Broadcast Alert, to release this uneasy feeling of topsy-turvy . I drove into town seeking a pay phone, with not a single one to be found, gone the way of the dinosaurs, extinct now too I assumed. My old truck had no computer chips, most cars did and were dead in their tracks. I needed gas but the gas station pumps electric computer driven, all DOA to boot. The Nations electric grid had crashed, blacked out, stone cold dead everywhere. All heavenly satellites blacked out, expired. Everything computer related (and that is about everything), had ceased to function as had the electronic reliant world we had created.   The street throngs of dazed people walked around like zombies, clutching blacked out dead computer devices, knowing not what to do. Not even talking, forgotten I guess how to do that too. As dependently defectively programmed as the useless devices in their hands. In a panic I did awake finding that this scary dream world was indeed all fake, a nightmare of fearful unconscious thinking. My electric clock was still churning, It's music alarm blaring, birds outside still singing, my cell phone started ringing, it was merely another Robot call, Welcoming me back to the 21 century.
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44
Off to Heaven tonight Drifting in a beam of light Rising up to the clouds on high Upon golden wings I fly I was dead from the very start With panic did my eyes dart I watched with heavenly agony As your arrow pierced my heart Melting away, my mind does flow Taking with it your hand to hold You didn't even give the onlookers a show When love struck me down in one swift blow
0
Feb 7, 2012
Feb 7, 2012 at 12:00 AM UTC
Struck
A subtle panic like a slow death creeps, the anxiety within me, for here's where it sleeps. Quietly loud enough to cover the sound, of the glassware you've thrown, now strewn all around. Rocking all positive lullaby's to sleep, ensuring all menacing thoughts I'm to keep. It's adept like the teen who's stayed out beyond curfew, sneaks in armed with oceans with which it will drown you. All because of the lies that were said, went in through your ears and lived in your head. The life you once had held aloft like a prize, you breathe your last breath and then close your eyes. Poetry by Kaydee.
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Dec 18, 2017
Dec 18, 2017 at 4:04 PM UTC
The Prize.
You do the math and I'll provide the irrationals, as I tend to cling to panic in the asymmetry of life. In this Twenty-First century women still suffer from laws streaming out of councils of men. These are not self-stabbing heroines, they do not ask the heavy deluge of derision. They are faced with laws stemming from an abbatoir, from men who wish to usurp the birthright. Men who have become strangers to their own mothers, men whose ***** dispense a fouled milk, men who deserve an **** ultrasound colonoscopy. So, I beg you to balance the inequality of the equation, gather our sisters in this non-Euclidean space: this is one we solve by inspection!
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May 5, 2012
May 5, 2012 at 10:57 PM UTC
Moral Algebra
Her eyes spoke to me; The deadliest story, A burden of trust in true loves mourning. When two hearts meet, A beating vessel will rhyme, A chime for two at loves first time, A pump that quickens, A panic arise, How cruel can Love be—when at first sight?
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Feb 26, 2015
Feb 26, 2015 at 10:46 PM UTC
The Fault in Love at First Sight
In a dream, Or a nightmare, Everything seems            out           of                           place. Things start out right, And then,                                     You’re dropped into an ocean.                You’re naked and drowning,           Sleeping and awake.         Slipping away into a panic,      Floating on a wave of  d i s c o n n e c t. Grasping for anything,      You hold on to thin air. Feeling good with just that,                                      The darkness grabs your s                                                                                          e                                                                                           n                                                                                             s                                                                                              e                                                                                                s. Gaining visual on your position, You swim a short mile.       Lost with no vision, You look outside yourself a while. Your view from up above,      The ocean seemed to move.       God knows how long it has been Below,        The water blackens.                You lose faith,                                                                         The darkness wins again. ©Copyright 2014 Written and Edited by Racquel Davis
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Jul 31, 2014
Jul 31, 2014 at 2:16 PM UTC
Anxiety
In a dream, Or a nightmare, Everything seems            out           of                           place. Things start out right, And then,                                     You’re dropped into an ocean.                You’re naked and drowning,           Sleeping and awake.         Slipping away into a panic,      Floating on a wave of  d i s c o n n e c t. Grasping for anything,      You hold on to thin air. Feeling good with just that,                                      The darkness grabs your s                                                                                          e                                                                                           n                                                                                             s                                                                                              e                                                                                                s. Gaining visual on your position, You swim a short mile.       Lost with no vision, You look outside yourself a while. Your view from up above,      The ocean seemed to move.       God knows how long it has been Below,        The water blackens.                You lose faith,                                                                         The darkness wins again. ©Copyright 2014 Written and Edited by Racquel Davis
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In front of the mirror doing my hair, It’s all in the prep work, don’t despair, Soon be time for the big event, all this grooming is time well spent, walk like a robot, keep a straight face, don’t want a single hair out of place, grab the phone, yes this is the spot, set it all up for the perfect shot, try to look natural, find the right pose, hide the blemish that’s on my nose, impossible angles, arm muscles ache, the phone in my hand is starting to shake, follow the light, keep stumbling back, I think I’m having a panic attack, all this stress is really no fun, but a click of the button and the deed is done !
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Oct 8, 2014
Oct 8, 2014 at 10:27 AM UTC
Selfie
I'm a relationship engineer Building engines to persevere Through the loneliness I fear That makes me panic And seek out a mechanic That tinkers With my blinkers But doesn't fix a thing When I'm left with a sting From what's defined as a fling My pistons pumping The way I'm ******* When I find a rocket scientist That formulates the highest bliss In his carefully calculated kiss But I start to viciously ***** When our problems are subatomic Because every decision Creates nuclear fission Which causes decay And explosions of energy His thoughts he relays He sees me as the enemy So I find a Christian To pump my pistons He has the morals of God Which I figure can't be flawed Though they may seem odd But he doesn't love me He feels he's above me He acts like a martyr Which makes me fall harder But I'm left alone on the cross He has forsaken me He thinks I'm made of frost He has mistaken me I feel alone In the brimstone Of his dial tone I found loneliness In their phoniness My engine needs trust Otherwise it develops rust But when everyone tries to act cool Pain becomes my alternative fuel Love once seemed like a jewel Until my blood made a pool I tried to get repairs To find that nobody cares I learned that science Was of no reliance And the pious life Brought riot strife So I find nowhere to turn While my engine burns
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Jan 14, 2018
Jan 14, 2018 at 3:58 PM UTC
Engineer
It seems as though we all live in separate worlds.. In that case I'm hitchhiking through the galaxy, won't you come with me? Hitchhike through this galaxy with me! We'll see new and old worlds, hear some odd dialects, remember to bring your guide and babel fish and if we are lost we musn't panic! We'd all love to be hitchhiking through the galaxy, so come on! Hitchhike through the galaxy with me!!
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Jun 27, 2014
Jun 27, 2014 at 2:38 AM UTC
Hitchhike through the galaxy with me
Wake up pleasured, I feel it as you lick my Stiffness awoken from sleep, "ARRR, Your tongue feels rough, but I like it woken Pleasured from my sleep. I open my eyes turn my head to the side There you are still asleep, panic on a face, As what is under the sheets still pleasuring Me more, just one more minute, NO.... Under the sheets I do look woken by pleasure But  not any more. There are two pussy's I see as I look under the Sheets, one shaved, one hairy and its the hairy One licking while looking at me. I am pleasured, but animal style, this cat is out The door. Violated am I, never to tell the woman I love, that another ***** has pleasured me nearly Releasing the milk that would have made it purr.
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Jun 1, 2015
Jun 1, 2015 at 6:46 PM UTC
Morning Pleasure
One of my favorite quotes is; "For a star to be born, there is one thing that must happen: a gaseous nebula must collapse. 

So collapse. 
Crumble.
 This is not your destruction. 

This is your birth." - n.i. I used to think that my mental illnesses were all there was to me. I was just made of panic attacks, and anxiety, and terrible flashbacks. They trampled my mind, consuming me until I couldn't breathe. The anxiety was the person who was going to break into my house while I'm sleeping if I'm not facing the window. The panic attacks are the cars that will crash into my mom while she's out if "I love you" isn't the last thing I say to her before she leaves. The flashbacks are the tears that stream down my face at night when my thoughts cannot be controlled. Most of the time I can't get a handle on my moods, but I still manage on with the day. Sometimes I'm too afraid to step out of my house, but I still do because I have school. At times I think that I have until the end of the day, and that's when it's all over. I will take every last pill that's supposed to help me. But I don't. I walk past the cabinet. I take four pills in the morning and five at night. I'm terrified that everyone will leave me- almost everyone has. But that is something that is still with me. I'm not over that yet, I'm not sure I ever will be, but I'm fighting. I try to push those thoughts out if my head. Right now, I'm still that nebula who's in the middle of collapsing. But one day, I know I'll be that star. I will be reborn into the girl I'm supposed to be. The girl I will be. Because one day, I will light up the sky. Yes, somedays the sun will shine brighter than I do, but I will continue to be a sparkle in the sky.
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Jun 17, 2014
Jun 17, 2014 at 9:15 PM UTC
The Collapsing Nebula
One of my favorite quotes is; "For a star to be born, there is one thing that must happen: a gaseous nebula must collapse. 

So collapse. 
Crumble.
 This is not your destruction. 

This is your birth." - n.i. I used to think that my mental illnesses were all there was to me. I was just made of panic attacks, and anxiety, and terrible flashbacks. They trampled my mind, consuming me until I couldn't breathe. The anxiety was the person who was going to break into my house while I'm sleeping if I'm not facing the window. The panic attacks are the cars that will crash into my mom while she's out if "I love you" isn't the last thing I say to her before she leaves. The flashbacks are the tears that stream down my face at night when my thoughts cannot be controlled. Most of the time I can't get a handle on my moods, but I still manage on with the day. Sometimes I'm too afraid to step out of my house, but I still do because I have school. At times I think that I have until the end of the day, and that's when it's all over. I will take every last pill that's supposed to help me. But I don't. I walk past the cabinet. I take four pills in the morning and five at night. I'm terrified that everyone will leave me- almost everyone has. But that is something that is still with me. I'm not over that yet, I'm not sure I ever will be, but I'm fighting. I try to push those thoughts out if my head. Right now, I'm still that nebula who's in the middle of collapsing. But one day, I know I'll be that star. I will be reborn into the girl I'm supposed to be. The girl I will be. Because one day, I will light up the sky. Yes, somedays the sun will shine brighter than I do, but I will continue to be a sparkle in the sky.
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8
They said Don’t wear leggings Or a shirt that shows your cleavage Because you need to be covered up You’re a distraction They said Don’t use your period as an excuse For male teachers to let you go to the bathroom Because you’re not fooling anybody They said Don’t shave your head Boys can You can’t and don’t And won’t because we’ll suspend you They said Watch the length of your skirt The colour of your hair The shoes and makeup The piercings And they call that fair They said Come to us if something is wrong if you’re feeling bullied if you feel unsafe I guess they don’t remember asking my friend and I if we heard of anyone in our year with suicidal tendencies They asked us because We were the sensible ones The bright ones We couldn't have been depressed. I guess they didn’t see my panic and my hand squeezing my wrist. Because school Is not a place Where you can express who you are School is not the place where you feel safe It's a battle ground on the outside of your comfort zone. School isn’t about education Its a challenge, competition Its a measurement of your capabilities But what if you don't excel? You’re called out for not being good enough You're humiliated. Mocked. You get looked down on Judged Embarrassed And you don’t get your Degree As if a degree explains who you are What you’ve been through How much you’re worth As if a degree Measures the capacity Of your heart And your knowledge And a teacher can share your grade Make a joke and smirk Cause they think you’re not worth it And they can laugh and yell and call your parents Who don’t think you’re any better. Because year after year they’ve been led to believe that you’re easily distracted that you don’t do what you’re told that you’re rebellious Because even if you showed respect to the hypocrisy That you can't help but notice, They still won’t understand that you're just fighting for what you believe is right, for mutual respect. Because that’s not what you were thought. You were thought to raise your hand when you want to speak. And even if you made a valid point You would still get lectured on putting your hand up when you want to speak. Discipline put first. And that is my definition of school
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May 16, 2016
May 16, 2016 at 4:45 PM UTC
School
They said Don’t wear leggings Or a shirt that shows your cleavage Because you need to be covered up You’re a distraction They said Don’t use your period as an excuse For male teachers to let you go to the bathroom Because you’re not fooling anybody They said Don’t shave your head Boys can You can’t and don’t And won’t because we’ll suspend you They said Watch the length of your skirt The colour of your hair The shoes and makeup The piercings And they call that fair They said Come to us if something is wrong if you’re feeling bullied if you feel unsafe I guess they don’t remember asking my friend and I if we heard of anyone in our year with suicidal tendencies They asked us because We were the sensible ones The bright ones We couldn't have been depressed. I guess they didn’t see my panic and my hand squeezing my wrist. Because school Is not a place Where you can express who you are School is not the place where you feel safe It's a battle ground on the outside of your comfort zone. School isn’t about education Its a challenge, competition Its a measurement of your capabilities But what if you don't excel? You’re called out for not being good enough You're humiliated. Mocked. You get looked down on Judged Embarrassed And you don’t get your Degree As if a degree explains who you are What you’ve been through How much you’re worth As if a degree Measures the capacity Of your heart And your knowledge And a teacher can share your grade Make a joke and smirk Cause they think you’re not worth it And they can laugh and yell and call your parents Who don’t think you’re any better. Because year after year they’ve been led to believe that you’re easily distracted that you don’t do what you’re told that you’re rebellious Because even if you showed respect to the hypocrisy That you can't help but notice, They still won’t understand that you're just fighting for what you believe is right, for mutual respect. Because that’s not what you were thought. You were thought to raise your hand when you want to speak. And even if you made a valid point You would still get lectured on putting your hand up when you want to speak. Discipline put first. And that is my definition of school
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