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"painlessly" poems
I fell asleep To the smell of antiseptic, Sterilizer, biogesic, And the cold touch of metal Rods that only seem To grow colder With the touch of hospital Left in the student's Ward - a whistle Permeates the silence Of seniors Painlessly sleeping away Hours upon Hours until graduation - A coming of age - An escapism from past papers And teachers who have Themselves given up On them. And the lights you See are as bright And as empty as those blinking Feebly In that of the school doctor's Office, one not really Blinking more of Washed, and supported Wobbling by daylight Seeping in through peeling blinds, Unable to see too much - The headaches and stomachaches Have rendered him numb To the feeling. And lunch comes And out blows the whistle to Signify the end Of playtime for The young ones, start Of playtime for The older ones, Whistle blowing muffled By the septic tank glass Doors of this sacred outhouse, Wards muffling the cries of children As they flee the quadrangle, Once mad, twice elated, Still innocent, untired, Not needing to fake sick And rest their heads softly Upon thin soft beds with Towels wrapped haphazardly Behind their backs, Nostalgia, it was Laughter, I swear it was louder When we used to run, When our eyes lit up like The sun petering in through The doctor's orifices, When our bruises and bumps Smelled like betadine, Not sleep And cups of sterile water downed To mask the scent of Fake cough syrup, And cuts gotten from fiddled syringes, Bruised ankles Bent over undersized beds, And not running over Uneven pavement, Ankles brushing tablecloth, Schoolbag, Basketball and frisbee, And the screaming. Oh, how I miss The screaming.
0
Jan 15, 2015
Jan 15, 2015 at 9:55 AM UTC
Infirmary, Cutting Business Class
I fell asleep To the smell of antiseptic, Sterilizer, biogesic, And the cold touch of metal Rods that only seem To grow colder With the touch of hospital Left in the student's Ward - a whistle Permeates the silence Of seniors Painlessly sleeping away Hours upon Hours until graduation - A coming of age - An escapism from past papers And teachers who have Themselves given up On them. And the lights you See are as bright And as empty as those blinking Feebly In that of the school doctor's Office, one not really Blinking more of Washed, and supported Wobbling by daylight Seeping in through peeling blinds, Unable to see too much - The headaches and stomachaches Have rendered him numb To the feeling. And lunch comes And out blows the whistle to Signify the end Of playtime for The young ones, start Of playtime for The older ones, Whistle blowing muffled By the septic tank glass Doors of this sacred outhouse, Wards muffling the cries of children As they flee the quadrangle, Once mad, twice elated, Still innocent, untired, Not needing to fake sick And rest their heads softly Upon thin soft beds with Towels wrapped haphazardly Behind their backs, Nostalgia, it was Laughter, I swear it was louder When we used to run, When our eyes lit up like The sun petering in through The doctor's orifices, When our bruises and bumps Smelled like betadine, Not sleep And cups of sterile water downed To mask the scent of Fake cough syrup, And cuts gotten from fiddled syringes, Bruised ankles Bent over undersized beds, And not running over Uneven pavement, Ankles brushing tablecloth, Schoolbag, Basketball and frisbee, And the screaming. Oh, how I miss The screaming.
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75
A Softer Way to Die We live and study life We pray that somehow God changes his rules. No one wants to die No one wants to follow Those complicated laws; I mean no lie-ing - no steal-ing no *** - before marriage no Fornicate-ing, no kill-ing No lust-greed or defil-ing the earth. Amen. All we can do now is try to find " A softer way to die". Pick your battles... There are many ways to die. I asked, God why? When mom threw a "Monkey wrench" in my world Answering - "We all have to die" I immediately winked at God... Thinking to myself ( not I) . Gave him a little nudge; Sidebar God : I said to God Adamantly "I do not want to die" "Can you change the rules "? I never heard back from him On that subject.. I went to him again God "Can you at least Keep me with a mom- I said "So that I won't be an Orphan like Shirley Temple" ? He did get back to me on that And Mom is Alive and well Plan A. ( living forever) Still not executed. Once again contemplating Thoughts on how I want to die. I could not think of a pleasant way To die, none that seemed appealing. Nor any options that would be fun. hmmm, eat myself to death. Playing chicken with the train, Might prove thrilling. As time grew nigh My thoughts continued ....On a softer way to die. Childhood gone, middle age gone' Old age approaching fast and furious Destroying me like a sudden Approaching hurricane... This storm knocked out my lights Memory gone now.. Forgetting my life- my loved ones Forgetting my friends, Children,and foes alike Forgetting my wrongs - my sins and accomplishments all. Everything's gone. So now What do I do ?... How can I rewrite my life,Take account.. Of that which I remember not. The realities of my existence Has been wiped out from The Forest Fires burning In my minds eye. Have no recordings of Who loved me or of who I shall never forgive. How will I know that I ever even lived. Taking my dark blank pages into The after life- My shadowy Existence ends. I feel no pain I Have no thoughts, Have nothing to contemplate. For I have asked to live forever Or that I die a,softer way Forgetting to eat Forgetting to drink- Forgetting to swallow Forgetting to breath... Forgetting this life- I close my eyes and fade away. painlessly © Vicki Acquah
0
Oct 14, 2015
Oct 14, 2015 at 7:49 AM UTC
A Softer Way To Die
A Softer Way to Die We live and study life We pray that somehow God changes his rules. No one wants to die No one wants to follow Those complicated laws; I mean no lie-ing - no steal-ing no *** - before marriage no Fornicate-ing, no kill-ing No lust-greed or defil-ing the earth. Amen. All we can do now is try to find " A softer way to die". Pick your battles... There are many ways to die. I asked, God why? When mom threw a "Monkey wrench" in my world Answering - "We all have to die" I immediately winked at God... Thinking to myself ( not I) . Gave him a little nudge; Sidebar God : I said to God Adamantly "I do not want to die" "Can you change the rules "? I never heard back from him On that subject.. I went to him again God "Can you at least Keep me with a mom- I said "So that I won't be an Orphan like Shirley Temple" ? He did get back to me on that And Mom is Alive and well Plan A. ( living forever) Still not executed. Once again contemplating Thoughts on how I want to die. I could not think of a pleasant way To die, none that seemed appealing. Nor any options that would be fun. hmmm, eat myself to death. Playing chicken with the train, Might prove thrilling. As time grew nigh My thoughts continued ....On a softer way to die. Childhood gone, middle age gone' Old age approaching fast and furious Destroying me like a sudden Approaching hurricane... This storm knocked out my lights Memory gone now.. Forgetting my life- my loved ones Forgetting my friends, Children,and foes alike Forgetting my wrongs - my sins and accomplishments all. Everything's gone. So now What do I do ?... How can I rewrite my life,Take account.. Of that which I remember not. The realities of my existence Has been wiped out from The Forest Fires burning In my minds eye. Have no recordings of Who loved me or of who I shall never forgive. How will I know that I ever even lived. Taking my dark blank pages into The after life- My shadowy Existence ends. I feel no pain I Have no thoughts, Have nothing to contemplate. For I have asked to live forever Or that I die a,softer way Forgetting to eat Forgetting to drink- Forgetting to swallow Forgetting to breath... Forgetting this life- I close my eyes and fade away. painlessly © Vicki Acquah
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86
A moment in time and space, a white scar against a fawn hand indigo iris inside a colorless eye, and burning rose into pale cheeks. This was permanence, before it was torn apart by its own user, in anxious desperation for the imminent future, which promised absolutely nothing to her. And they wondered why she couldn’t get on with the others. More to be seen and less to be heard, a quiet life to be lived out, alone; painlessly.
0
Mar 23, 2022
Mar 23, 2022 at 5:27 PM UTC
Blindness
Who am I? I don’t see who I thought I was in the reflection of this mirror. I see a girl with faded lines at her mouth, the remnants of her laughter. I see the crinkles at the corners of her eyes; her eyes used to smile. Her mouth is a straight line, her laugh only a memory. Her eyes are tired and glazed, uninterested and unfocused. Where did that girl go? I feel her inside, I want to smile and laugh, But I don’t have the strength to try. Everything is a task, an arduous task that I cannot attempt Lest I fail, for then the pain of failure adds to my pile of emotions. I am exhausted; I cannot feel anything anymore. Why can’t she try to return? I have saved every last drop of pain, stored it in my soul. No one should have to feel pain, I’ll feel it for them. Everyone should be happy, even if I am taunted by their joy. She knows that I have reasons to be happy, she makes me aware. But happiness is energy better offered to the “common good”. How did I lose her, anyways? She was adventurous, that girl I used to be; she had ***** so to say. She let herself feel freely, falling in love painlessly, easily. That love turned against her, threw away every definition of trust she knew. I had to protect her, hide her from the pain. So I put on my armor, and stood strong in her place. When did she disappear? She stayed hidden for a while, a warmth trying to break my cold heart. She’s the smile that cracked my stone face, if only for a moment. But she was pushed away to make pain easier to handle. She got tired of trying to make me feel emotion. She’s still there, deep down, but she hasn’t put forth any effort in a long while. What will bring her back? The fleeting moments of giggles and cuddling, The warmth of a hand over mine, The strength of two arms enveloping me in a hug, The patience of a voice that brings her out of me; Love. Love will her back to me.
0
Feb 13, 2014
Feb 13, 2014 at 3:08 PM UTC
Lost
Who am I? I don’t see who I thought I was in the reflection of this mirror. I see a girl with faded lines at her mouth, the remnants of her laughter. I see the crinkles at the corners of her eyes; her eyes used to smile. Her mouth is a straight line, her laugh only a memory. Her eyes are tired and glazed, uninterested and unfocused. Where did that girl go? I feel her inside, I want to smile and laugh, But I don’t have the strength to try. Everything is a task, an arduous task that I cannot attempt Lest I fail, for then the pain of failure adds to my pile of emotions. I am exhausted; I cannot feel anything anymore. Why can’t she try to return? I have saved every last drop of pain, stored it in my soul. No one should have to feel pain, I’ll feel it for them. Everyone should be happy, even if I am taunted by their joy. She knows that I have reasons to be happy, she makes me aware. But happiness is energy better offered to the “common good”. How did I lose her, anyways? She was adventurous, that girl I used to be; she had ***** so to say. She let herself feel freely, falling in love painlessly, easily. That love turned against her, threw away every definition of trust she knew. I had to protect her, hide her from the pain. So I put on my armor, and stood strong in her place. When did she disappear? She stayed hidden for a while, a warmth trying to break my cold heart. She’s the smile that cracked my stone face, if only for a moment. But she was pushed away to make pain easier to handle. She got tired of trying to make me feel emotion. She’s still there, deep down, but she hasn’t put forth any effort in a long while. What will bring her back? The fleeting moments of giggles and cuddling, The warmth of a hand over mine, The strength of two arms enveloping me in a hug, The patience of a voice that brings her out of me; Love. Love will her back to me.
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37
Gazing, grazing, wailing aimlessly Shifting upon the consciousness, I graze the astral plane painlessly Facing, hearing, being I am the light I am the dark Energy fuels the drive Deeper goes the heart Endlessly through the wormhole I strive Finishing thoughts as if they weren't even alive They are They are truly here, upon my spectrum Our spectrum In this mere state do I experience such an alarming, yet calm appifany What was before is me What is now is me What will be future is me As insane as it seems Time seems simple As I indulge the energy, straight to my heart, then temple Soul and all Ego is at fall Walk with us on the journey Your mind be mine My mind be's yours The the equality of fuel that is burning The worlds around us are turning Never the best are we? No All there is, is searching Walk with us through the symphony of harmony No hurting you, no harming me
0
Jun 11, 2014
Jun 11, 2014 at 11:41 AM UTC
A White Hole
Mosquitoes never lie,at least when they come close you know they want you.Even if its just for a moment. Mosquitoes never lie,immediately they painlessly insert their mouth into you,you know its just you and them,no third party involved And for that moment its just you both,you gain nothing from the mosquito except its presence,it gains a food source Then as swiftly as it came it goes,leaving behind an itch and a realization..... Oh wait Mosquitoes do lie, Just like you
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May 22, 2014
May 22, 2014 at 5:41 PM UTC
Mosquitoes never lie
Slivers of unintended new experiences Stuck painlessly into our feet Moving along the same splintered wooden dock We both have trodded before Too safely to have carried any scar tissue But now our earth touchers resemble Porcupines that when touched Refuse to release our quills But offer a story or two to remember we've been here before instead Of losing the memories we've gained. And when we finally pick the wood out it fashions into a fence gate that opens up to New stories new experiences New feelings new apprehensions Just new New looks on a new face wrapped in gift wrap So I have to make it Christmas to open them up without buying anything but just by giving the gift of presence as presents. And anything more is another present under the tree It's nice to know that sometimes when you plant trust It grows into honesty Honestly it's refreshing It's a test of moral strength and how far you can carry the torch. In the Olympic sport of courting
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Nov 5, 2012
Nov 5, 2012 at 12:44 AM UTC
new
an intrepid image of consistency to living painlessly floats aimlessly through an adjacent sea of complacency that finds way to drift further from shore. worries of capsizing and baptizing in this ocean of social chastising leaves me coming back for more. descending the sail paints images of pale skys clouding progression, shadowing the sun’s oppression to shining through the cracks, dreams reflect the water of sailing to shore and never coming back, the table in cabin covered with cigarettes butts and empty bottles, leaving stains of black on the whispering floorboards that sways with the current that restores more contentedness to being lost at sea. but, I wake up to reality sea sick MJB
0
Jul 21, 2015
Jul 21, 2015 at 7:47 PM UTC
Sea Sick°
Boredom bored some, but for the rest of us it became a lifestyle. The rest of us, who spend so much money and time, on objects and gizmos... Just to while away our lives. And, on comfort! If we're going to do nothing, we've at least got to be comfortable while we do it. We've gotta work though, gotta hustle. The trick is finding that tipping point... The Grand American Treasure: To find the least amount of labor, for the greatest amount of leisure! So let's climb that ladder Make money! Get paid! So we can quickly and painlessly, whittle away our days.
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Apr 15, 2021
Apr 15, 2021 at 2:06 PM UTC
The Rest of Us
The rain falls against the Face Each drop like a tiny bomb -SPLAAAAAAASH -KABOOOOOOM Its features made smooth by its school of thought - Dum Dum Dum they strike and insist never miss Blasts of kettle drums mingled with the Staccato All sounds brought forth from the Technicolor Heartbeat The clouds watch Face as it pours -Anything to make us pure again What cure is there -Purify -Pacify -Rely on social norms We know what you need Media never had it quite right There was no fight only Acquiescence The slow acceptance Eyes can be fooled and these clouds are -Not convinced The fractured Block inside the Face offers no place for peace for minds Thoughts race behind the clouds and fall behind the march -Hey wait up -NO LIE DOWN It only rains when they lead the parade and this charade is growing tired Block is slowly picking up the pieces -Reconstruction A better tomorrow A new today Clouds watch the world on stage A play that never stops Actors get off and paradigms shift enough to crumble any mountain and drain any sea So the clouds rain painlessly to each passerby even though they get wet.
0
Jan 3, 2010
Jan 3, 2010 at 8:31 PM UTC
Technicolor Heartbeat
you want to run away, you want to feel free, feel wanted, feel a sense of belonging. you want to go somewhere that people won't judge you for the aching words you cry out at 3 am, or forget about you simply because you find bliss in life's simplistic beauty. you want to travel the world and meet people who do too, meet people who's smiles don't outmatch yours but instead make it brighter. you want to feel like the most careless and careful person out there, you want to feel like you matter, feel like it doesn't matter if you don't. you want someone, anyone, to decode some of the nonsense your messy brain paints pictures of and maybe someone to splatter some of their own onto your canvas too. you want to argue with someone in an aggresively calm way, and you want to find someone to make you hurt so painlessly that it's beautiful. you want to find and utilize every gift you were born with and to take up useless hobbies that will make you feel alive. but most of all, you want to find someone, something, somewhere, to help you rediscover what it feels like to not just exist but to actually live.
0
Dec 19, 2014
Dec 19, 2014 at 1:35 PM UTC
never run away // kurt vile
I forgot part of the question what was it? Learning history your she was too young, so was I need a good grade...am at the coffee shop...drank the coffee....ate the cookie wasted time on FB the question WAS It pulls on me and someone puts on Death Metal and there's this gutteral gravely synthesized voice and (what was the que--) being pulled, resisting, but it's too strong and I'm in floating in memory....the question to answer I have to slit my chest open and let some of the contents run free as I ... it wasn't all books and pencils and how dare you ask such a question my life wasn't a hallmark card she was only 10 and she was my best friend so that means I was only 10 My learning history--how can I even think...we had a psychic bond we did a test and it showed and she was a little chubby with golden skin and her father was creepy and he left out his copies of Hustler for me to see and told me beauty was in the eye of the beholder but to **** a ten year old that is vile I remember...a day or so later, going over to her house where she showed me what she brought home from the hospital (chalk and teachers, and winning jelly beans for knowing state capitals) and she had coca cola in her fridge and all the latest appliances from Sears because her father worked there, like a push button phone and a washer/dryer with a digital display and clocks, too, like that and when she told me what happened it was like being electrocuted painlessly for about three hours and I had to leave because...books. drawing things and teacher don't give a **** about anyone and today, children are much more protected and people talk about things but then (my learning history? I remember desks, and boards and being nervous) and how can a grown man take a ten year old he knows and tell her they were going to find someone and instead stop the van, just looked like her father's van (today we are doing long division) demand she goes into the back of the van and take off her pants and stick his tongue in her mouth and then kick her out bleeding so she ran to a vet and they called the ambulance (and she never came back to school) and I started piling on more clothes, layers. You can't show those ... what is happening to you and my learning history I can first give you this caked in blood and no, it's no longer bleeding, thought it was I have unearthed something there was something in the way and that's why I couldn't answer the question
0
Dec 22, 2013
Dec 22, 2013 at 10:15 PM UTC
Write about your learning history
I forgot part of the question what was it? Learning history your she was too young, so was I need a good grade...am at the coffee shop...drank the coffee....ate the cookie wasted time on FB the question WAS It pulls on me and someone puts on Death Metal and there's this gutteral gravely synthesized voice and (what was the que--) being pulled, resisting, but it's too strong and I'm in floating in memory....the question to answer I have to slit my chest open and let some of the contents run free as I ... it wasn't all books and pencils and how dare you ask such a question my life wasn't a hallmark card she was only 10 and she was my best friend so that means I was only 10 My learning history--how can I even think...we had a psychic bond we did a test and it showed and she was a little chubby with golden skin and her father was creepy and he left out his copies of Hustler for me to see and told me beauty was in the eye of the beholder but to **** a ten year old that is vile I remember...a day or so later, going over to her house where she showed me what she brought home from the hospital (chalk and teachers, and winning jelly beans for knowing state capitals) and she had coca cola in her fridge and all the latest appliances from Sears because her father worked there, like a push button phone and a washer/dryer with a digital display and clocks, too, like that and when she told me what happened it was like being electrocuted painlessly for about three hours and I had to leave because...books. drawing things and teacher don't give a **** about anyone and today, children are much more protected and people talk about things but then (my learning history? I remember desks, and boards and being nervous) and how can a grown man take a ten year old he knows and tell her they were going to find someone and instead stop the van, just looked like her father's van (today we are doing long division) demand she goes into the back of the van and take off her pants and stick his tongue in her mouth and then kick her out bleeding so she ran to a vet and they called the ambulance (and she never came back to school) and I started piling on more clothes, layers. You can't show those ... what is happening to you and my learning history I can first give you this caked in blood and no, it's no longer bleeding, thought it was I have unearthed something there was something in the way and that's why I couldn't answer the question
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48
It is copyright © Leonard Cohen 2006 and Jacket magazine 2007. Takanawa Prince Hotel Bar Slipping down into the Pure Land into the Awakened State of Drunk into the furnance blue Heart of the one one one true Allah the Beloved Companion of Dangerous Moods– Slipping down into the 27 Hells of my own religion my own sweet dark religion of drunk religion my bended knee of Poetry my robes my bowl my scourge of Poetry my final circumcision after the circumcision of the flesh and the circumcision of the heart and the circumcision of the yearning to Return to be Redeemed to be Washed to be Forgiven Again the Final Circumcision the Final and Great Circumcision– Broken down awhile and cowarding in the blasting rays of Hideous Enlightenment but now finally surrendered to the Great Resignation of Poetry and not the kind of Wise Experience or the false kisses of Competitive Insight, but my own sweet dark religion of Poetry my ***** prize my sandals and my shameful prayer my invisible Mexican candle my useless oils to clean the house and remove my rival’s spell on my girlfriend’s memory– O Poetry my Final Circumcision: All the pain was in fearing and ignoring the girl’s voice and the girl’s touch and the girl’s fragrant humbling girlishness which was lost three wars ago– And O my love I love you again I am your dog your cat your Cleopatran snake I am bleeding painlessly from the Final Formless Circumcision as I push up your dress a little way and kiss your miraculously lactating knee And may all of you who watch and G-d forbid! are in a suffering predicament as I go sliding down to Love– may you speedily be embraced by the girlishness of your own dark girlish religion
0
Sep 14, 2020
Sep 14, 2020 at 12:46 PM UTC
Takanawa Prince Hotel Bar by Leonard Cohen
It is copyright © Leonard Cohen 2006 and Jacket magazine 2007. Takanawa Prince Hotel Bar Slipping down into the Pure Land into the Awakened State of Drunk into the furnance blue Heart of the one one one true Allah the Beloved Companion of Dangerous Moods– Slipping down into the 27 Hells of my own religion my own sweet dark religion of drunk religion my bended knee of Poetry my robes my bowl my scourge of Poetry my final circumcision after the circumcision of the flesh and the circumcision of the heart and the circumcision of the yearning to Return to be Redeemed to be Washed to be Forgiven Again the Final Circumcision the Final and Great Circumcision– Broken down awhile and cowarding in the blasting rays of Hideous Enlightenment but now finally surrendered to the Great Resignation of Poetry and not the kind of Wise Experience or the false kisses of Competitive Insight, but my own sweet dark religion of Poetry my ***** prize my sandals and my shameful prayer my invisible Mexican candle my useless oils to clean the house and remove my rival’s spell on my girlfriend’s memory– O Poetry my Final Circumcision: All the pain was in fearing and ignoring the girl’s voice and the girl’s touch and the girl’s fragrant humbling girlishness which was lost three wars ago– And O my love I love you again I am your dog your cat your Cleopatran snake I am bleeding painlessly from the Final Formless Circumcision as I push up your dress a little way and kiss your miraculously lactating knee And may all of you who watch and G-d forbid! are in a suffering predicament as I go sliding down to Love– may you speedily be embraced by the girlishness of your own dark girlish religion
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56
This disconnected census is masterfully oblivious there is no comfort in listlessness while drowning in indifference Chemically imbalanced any chance at repentance in any single instance is subtly dismissed as I crush my heart inside my fist while feigning interest.
0
Oct 25, 2013
Oct 25, 2013 at 1:45 PM UTC
Painlessly Wounded
Staring into hazy eyes I slowly start to realize that you are several leagues away, and now I understand~ Tried to solve the mystery went looking for some history I'd dive back down if just to see and stir the sleeping sand. We drown out all the pain we feel far-away things seem not as real but there's a ton of brokenness on the bottom of the bay weighted well to keep it down in hopes that time would surely drown the misery which hangs around to cloud the dreary day. I didn't know just what you felt the searing fire, the burning welt the scars of life, of loss and such which numbed your spirit, hurt so much and wounds so deep, they should have bled attended to, would heal~ instead they linger painlessly, you've said in places way too deep to touch. I feel the tug upon my fin and draw a breath of water in and surface here to find I've been caught up in love's illusion. you nearly dried me in the sun and here I'm thinking 'so much fun' but like all fish, I've come undone awakened, our delusion. I'll never truly understand for I'm a fish and you're a man I swim in garbage, not my plan it's only your pollution. there is no way a fish will drown I'll let the current take me down just one more gem in Neptune's crown and that is my solution. I make my bed there in the deep and on my watch, I rarely sleep the nets they drag for memories, I keep them all from catching~ the one's you've drowned there in a heep the painful one's I'd rather keep and as I swim this sea of bleep none will be for snatching.
0
Nov 10, 2013
Nov 10, 2013 at 2:00 AM UTC
Bottom Of The Bay
Staring into hazy eyes I slowly start to realize that you are several leagues away, and now I understand~ Tried to solve the mystery went looking for some history I'd dive back down if just to see and stir the sleeping sand. We drown out all the pain we feel far-away things seem not as real but there's a ton of brokenness on the bottom of the bay weighted well to keep it down in hopes that time would surely drown the misery which hangs around to cloud the dreary day. I didn't know just what you felt the searing fire, the burning welt the scars of life, of loss and such which numbed your spirit, hurt so much and wounds so deep, they should have bled attended to, would heal~ instead they linger painlessly, you've said in places way too deep to touch. I feel the tug upon my fin and draw a breath of water in and surface here to find I've been caught up in love's illusion. you nearly dried me in the sun and here I'm thinking 'so much fun' but like all fish, I've come undone awakened, our delusion. I'll never truly understand for I'm a fish and you're a man I swim in garbage, not my plan it's only your pollution. there is no way a fish will drown I'll let the current take me down just one more gem in Neptune's crown and that is my solution. I make my bed there in the deep and on my watch, I rarely sleep the nets they drag for memories, I keep them all from catching~ the one's you've drowned there in a heep the painful one's I'd rather keep and as I swim this sea of bleep none will be for snatching.
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48
Twisting painlessly, yet uncomfortable under these wings of angels and Mary, Him and His cross No feeling of love, no feeling of help No relief from the tormenting thoughts twirling under the duress of nothing Words waning into the void in the back of my mind and in time, singing empty silence of the devoid Lost, staring at the ceiling as one would read a book tuning out the world and focused on symbols written on parchment Turning pages with my eyes, reading each line Each chapter different Learning, speaking to you with ears open, seeking your words out of the sky Yearning, burning desire that leaks into my pores, causing motionless sweat Hurting, the chapter that is reread with despair and I read with emotions splayed for those to see who would dare look into my eyes in my moment of private consultation? For if you so choose to look without breaking my silence, you would see the strings attached to my chest, playing my mind like a puppet tugging my heart with each excruciating word that runs through my mind a pain like a scar; too much to bare but you press it anyway And as I sit in this room, thinking such things near tears and ready to disappear I realize that these spread angel wings are not for me and the ****** is ****** no longer His son is the one that loved us as proof that he hangs no longer But He doesn't cry for me, and these prayers go unanswered These screams of love have yet to cease, and we aren't any closer Half a country away from your touch and your love seems much farther away to me then the touch of angels on a endless sea where the Holy child sleeps in Heaven above
0
Dec 25, 2011
Dec 25, 2011 at 1:18 AM UTC
You are Further than Heaven
Twisting painlessly, yet uncomfortable under these wings of angels and Mary, Him and His cross No feeling of love, no feeling of help No relief from the tormenting thoughts twirling under the duress of nothing Words waning into the void in the back of my mind and in time, singing empty silence of the devoid Lost, staring at the ceiling as one would read a book tuning out the world and focused on symbols written on parchment Turning pages with my eyes, reading each line Each chapter different Learning, speaking to you with ears open, seeking your words out of the sky Yearning, burning desire that leaks into my pores, causing motionless sweat Hurting, the chapter that is reread with despair and I read with emotions splayed for those to see who would dare look into my eyes in my moment of private consultation? For if you so choose to look without breaking my silence, you would see the strings attached to my chest, playing my mind like a puppet tugging my heart with each excruciating word that runs through my mind a pain like a scar; too much to bare but you press it anyway And as I sit in this room, thinking such things near tears and ready to disappear I realize that these spread angel wings are not for me and the ****** is ****** no longer His son is the one that loved us as proof that he hangs no longer But He doesn't cry for me, and these prayers go unanswered These screams of love have yet to cease, and we aren't any closer Half a country away from your touch and your love seems much farther away to me then the touch of angels on a endless sea where the Holy child sleeps in Heaven above
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32
dew drop demons heavily falling off the leaves                                                            then landing on my cheeks                          where the absent of tears is present electric strands twisting in the clouds                                             making loud noises illuminating my face                   and shaking loose the self knotted noose the birds are calling to me,                                chirping quietly watching with beady black eyes,           responding to my cries and lamentations as I fall to my knees, no longer running,                                                                      ready                                                                  my wails turn into whimpers as their wings began to whisper                                   the raindrops start to quiver,                                                               dampening my already worn skin cuts from branches and thorns burn                                              and my clothes are torn I can hear them in the silence                       as they take flight              then gently land in my hair and on my bare skin,                                                their little claw like fingers grasp I'm surrounded in sight by bright black wings                                       circling my vision                           they begin twisting into shapes I've never seen                eradicating me                                  and I go home,                                                       painlessly.
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Feb 20, 2014
Feb 20, 2014 at 10:55 AM UTC
Netherworld
dew drop demons heavily falling off the leaves                                                            then landing on my cheeks                          where the absent of tears is present electric strands twisting in the clouds                                             making loud noises illuminating my face                   and shaking loose the self knotted noose the birds are calling to me,                                chirping quietly watching with beady black eyes,           responding to my cries and lamentations as I fall to my knees, no longer running,                                                                      ready                                                                  my wails turn into whimpers as their wings began to whisper                                   the raindrops start to quiver,                                                               dampening my already worn skin cuts from branches and thorns burn                                              and my clothes are torn I can hear them in the silence                       as they take flight              then gently land in my hair and on my bare skin,                                                their little claw like fingers grasp I'm surrounded in sight by bright black wings                                       circling my vision                           they begin twisting into shapes I've never seen                eradicating me                                  and I go home,                                                       painlessly.
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28
How should I recite my life? Was it a full sentence or was it parted in two? Did it entail big words or meaningless clichés shouting carpe diem? Did it have depth or did length bare it out? Did it trip on punctuations or did it flow painlessly? Which parts lingered on tongues? What orders did it give? Did it fade among greater paragraphs or was it magnificent? How should I recite my life? Should I clothe it in borrowed metaphors or should I simply read it out loud, word by word, stress the culminations, the loud parts, give extra sound to the little words? Was it a meaningful sentence? Will it linger on and get carried in the mouths of men? Will it serve as a citation for great living; or will it simply be forgotten as the sentence ends, the last syllable is whispered and the full stop is finally engraved.
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Dec 14, 2013
Dec 14, 2013 at 3:58 AM UTC
I wish to be read and remembered as I am forgotten
I’ve been fighting. Fighting, struggling, and lashing out at the faceless, formless thing that chases me ever since I can remember. I’m so very angry now, tonight, all day, – technically a lifetime…whatever. Angry and tired, I sit with my hands on my knees and my head bent, rocking…weak but wishing to be strong; held captive but wishing to be free; alone and afraid, wishing for comfort and courage. I am sad as hell and I have no one in real life to talk to because no one cares or understands and whatever I know that it’s my “fault” that I don’t have the support system in place when I am in dire need of it…which would be now. I know that I **** Got. It. I am a bit on the ‘not-lucid’ side tonight and a wishing I was drunk! It is so hard to stay sober and I am starting to doubt the worth of it. There is a part inside who has been researching how to die…quickly and painlessly. Last Friday it was an overdose of medication (I won’t say what med it was because it is now in the past and I don’t need some well-intended person yelling at me OH MY GOD THAT COULD **** YOU in all caps - sometimes we are still in quite a fragile state.) I write this because I feel like those of you who have been a part of this journey with me should know what’s going on. This is what’s going on: I do not feel better. I do not have a good support in place here. Shame. On. Us. We have not done a good job at getting this done. I have continued to pretend like everything is fine when there everything is so very un-fine. not-fine…so very opposite of fine. I can’t cope with the frustration and invalidation tonight. I can’t cope with the screaming. I am not coping at all. I’ve tried. I can’t. I am struggling right now, tonight, to make it minute to minute. I’m not sure what I’m doing. I feel like I am fighting a losing battle and I have no coach. And I do not feel better.
0
Nov 14, 2013
Nov 14, 2013 at 6:56 PM UTC
I can't cope
I’ve been fighting. Fighting, struggling, and lashing out at the faceless, formless thing that chases me ever since I can remember. I’m so very angry now, tonight, all day, – technically a lifetime…whatever. Angry and tired, I sit with my hands on my knees and my head bent, rocking…weak but wishing to be strong; held captive but wishing to be free; alone and afraid, wishing for comfort and courage. I am sad as hell and I have no one in real life to talk to because no one cares or understands and whatever I know that it’s my “fault” that I don’t have the support system in place when I am in dire need of it…which would be now. I know that I **** Got. It. I am a bit on the ‘not-lucid’ side tonight and a wishing I was drunk! It is so hard to stay sober and I am starting to doubt the worth of it. There is a part inside who has been researching how to die…quickly and painlessly. Last Friday it was an overdose of medication (I won’t say what med it was because it is now in the past and I don’t need some well-intended person yelling at me OH MY GOD THAT COULD **** YOU in all caps - sometimes we are still in quite a fragile state.) I write this because I feel like those of you who have been a part of this journey with me should know what’s going on. This is what’s going on: I do not feel better. I do not have a good support in place here. Shame. On. Us. We have not done a good job at getting this done. I have continued to pretend like everything is fine when there everything is so very un-fine. not-fine…so very opposite of fine. I can’t cope with the frustration and invalidation tonight. I can’t cope with the screaming. I am not coping at all. I’ve tried. I can’t. I am struggling right now, tonight, to make it minute to minute. I’m not sure what I’m doing. I feel like I am fighting a losing battle and I have no coach. And I do not feel better.
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4
I am the hunter before the harvest. The new day's dry thirst of something fresh Turns for the worst in the want for flesh. A single dose could not be enough. Counting the seconds prove to be tough. Constant yearning reaches starvation. A wick of drool blackens to old ink. The horrendous hunger writes a tale Originating straight from my mouth. Past pleasures are painlessly gloated, And the wrong feelings were forgotten. An addict to the intervention, Convenience replaced true affection. Kept in the corner, left out to rot. Stripped all your honor, left out to die. Above all, you deserved a swift death.
0
Jan 12, 2015
Jan 12, 2015 at 12:54 AM UTC
You in the Corner
I write this letter to you With my last drop of ink I write to express myself I write to help you understand Each letter, each curve Each line that I make I write with my last drop of ink I want to tell you these things I want you to know me for me I write to explain I write for personal gain With each stroke that I painlessly wrote With each second it took to write this I write for you I write for me I write for us... I write with my last drop of ink
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Nov 27, 2014
Nov 27, 2014 at 7:29 AM UTC
My last drop of ink
Everything is temporary Your hurt Your home Everything Except for me You'd smile while I cried The unwavering voice Of everything being alright It was boldly defined love The ability to assure the paranoid Of their biggest fears escape Permanence You dug the word love into my frame A sink hole impossible to rearrange Or place anywhere other than my chest It tattooed me painlessly Our promises etched into my rib cage We were an ecosystem within ourself Our commitment a maze only we managed to navigate I was so accustomed to your hand in mine I'd began to think our roots had entwined Our respiratory patterns had synced Or was it that your breath shallowed Like my own From the deforestation leaving me to sink As I watched you turn from man to stone Lighting the match burning our home You dropped so many hints Just hard enough not to break Me But in the shards of glass and ruin All I could see was your flaunted happiness And my disintegrating memory My inability to feel alone Without feeling lonely And I don't exactly know what I want Other than little less empathy And a little more apathy And possibly a day of recovery Spent in sobriety I only know that I'm tired of crying to sleep Over a man that says I'll love you like he'll stay And cries when he leaves My ribs promises want to scream A congratulatory You Broke Me But in my deterioration I'm stuck with only a memory You were the only one that told me I smelled amazing after a cigarette, And that is why the time I spent with you I could never regret But you'd always hated that I smoke Because you said I took our time and shortened it But that's now proven irrelevant Because I can't shorten what's meant to be permanent But the ashes of your disappearance Now fall on your conceptual forever And within a matter of minutes we were consumed by the great inevitable.
0
Jun 29, 2014
Jun 29, 2014 at 3:57 AM UTC
Inevitable
Everything is temporary Your hurt Your home Everything Except for me You'd smile while I cried The unwavering voice Of everything being alright It was boldly defined love The ability to assure the paranoid Of their biggest fears escape Permanence You dug the word love into my frame A sink hole impossible to rearrange Or place anywhere other than my chest It tattooed me painlessly Our promises etched into my rib cage We were an ecosystem within ourself Our commitment a maze only we managed to navigate I was so accustomed to your hand in mine I'd began to think our roots had entwined Our respiratory patterns had synced Or was it that your breath shallowed Like my own From the deforestation leaving me to sink As I watched you turn from man to stone Lighting the match burning our home You dropped so many hints Just hard enough not to break Me But in the shards of glass and ruin All I could see was your flaunted happiness And my disintegrating memory My inability to feel alone Without feeling lonely And I don't exactly know what I want Other than little less empathy And a little more apathy And possibly a day of recovery Spent in sobriety I only know that I'm tired of crying to sleep Over a man that says I'll love you like he'll stay And cries when he leaves My ribs promises want to scream A congratulatory You Broke Me But in my deterioration I'm stuck with only a memory You were the only one that told me I smelled amazing after a cigarette, And that is why the time I spent with you I could never regret But you'd always hated that I smoke Because you said I took our time and shortened it But that's now proven irrelevant Because I can't shorten what's meant to be permanent But the ashes of your disappearance Now fall on your conceptual forever And within a matter of minutes we were consumed by the great inevitable.
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55
mangled jangled in the space of race he looked purple shadowed with wide eyes and wonder unafraid of escape he still stayed locked in a love affair need and greed lust and bust time ticked painlessly wrinkles grew rich obscurity haven until at last a resurrection. Now he creates art and happiness riding into the sunset of verses where sense and nonsense merge in a mystical aura. © Marshall Gass. All rights reserved, 5 days ago
0
Nov 10, 2014
Nov 10, 2014 at 1:58 PM UTC
blue tone tongue
Maybe it wasn't sporadic, but I saw the outbreak coming nonetheless and this complication isn't remedied painlessly Until I finally fell and landed perilously where I'm not even wanted but feel somehow that the pain belongs to me and I belong to it Its mine and I'll keep it; oceans could be deeper. You can't float lifeboats on land But when the wind becomes black ink, and I can't lean against the running trees; I block my face and chase after them and while I know I think in metaphors and not similes, I like to think I lie and I'm only myself, darkly and simply realistic
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Feb 3, 2013
Feb 3, 2013 at 5:26 PM UTC
Darkly and Simply Realistic
(no,) it's not horror by convention. the walls are bare of bugs (and indeed there are walls. bugs too, though not the sort to pester) i've not been abruptly taken or shaken or prodded by torturous instruments of men or the mind. for garish light i am able to adjust (though i'd prefer it dim) i make no note of odor or obtrusive presence, and so it is in my familiar crevice. where joints come painlessly unhinged (connected still by blood and tissue) like the child's game with mismatched shapes (this square simply won't fit in this tube) (limbs irrevocably misaligned) and there i'll float, when i've drifted to the depths of a space that can't be removed (aware and unable)
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Apr 26, 2013
Apr 26, 2013 at 2:13 AM UTC
when i slip away