spend half the time ~zonin'~
the other half honin' skills
stack my thrills
******* laced
in your face
queens come first
but don't worry b,
you still a king to me
now sing for me
and trust me,
when I give love
it don't lack in lustin'
could be you me and cleo
folding out for a trio
now it's time to bust it
...

ohhhhhhhh

the more outlandish and exotic the settings
the further apart the tides shift
the more real, the closer it gets



distance distilled into fallow tracts of once wild shores
despite crestfallen dips
high rising peaks




if you look through my window
what would you see?
perhaps the skein of illicit thoughts
tangling into Rapunzel hopes
or a latent emissary of a semi shocker prophecy
if you had but the merest inkling
of the unaccountable depth of warrior blood
coursing headlong for acquaintance
of fulfillment of spectacular intimacy




scrolling endless
rough, the visions
the significance of this equation
waiting to balance
upon the sills of petulant time
dares little panacea
for it is itself bound by hand and foot
chugging along the eyelashes of fate's decree




can I look through your window?
will I see a casual draping of Indian cloth
behind the deliberate anger that is you?
you cannot know how widely your tutelage
dripped steady
into a ready soul, ready for it all




often, how the mind does play tricks
it sometimes feels as if insouciance
plays center court on stilts
while I grapple confused, patiently
the large view may soon present itself



and I dream so of you
a ten minute watch on my shift
of medium term offering



I run away to the dreams within this packed arena
a still room
half in gentle shadows
she let me in
she told me you'd be here soon
to make myself at home
sweet rose incense in the inside courtyard
lulls my senses

I hate to feel scared
I almost hide away and lock myself
into a tiny closet or the bathroom
a strange room and I'm alone
I wonder where you are
all is ready
hot tisanes on a lacquered tray waits
the hand of one to come
seeming Bento boxes prepared so elegant
heartbeat high anticipate
goof guff, goof guff
shall I leave rather?


drowsy falls upon my eye
I settle down on settee
curl up by the slanted sunrays
throughout the patio door
fountain spritz of droplets
on nature's grey slate flat stones
lids flicker down, fall away
gentle, gentle, fall away
deeply away
relaxed


(a while..)


a light tap on the shoulder
fright awake!
who is that??
shudder into conscious reel

oh
ohhhhhhhh..................
I am here...........with you


disbelief floods my every pore
and rising slow, unsteady
and I smile at......... u

craSH land ing in your
hand or
somet..h...i.n..g...
somepalm or plane
your fingers figured
EVERYTHING was
in theirange

"
i NEED the  cement
to   stack   the bric
ks  more  even  [][]
"          
        -she said

like self-construction
is in her-interests:
like she SPOftenKE
of scaf fold & ropes
& renov(icaine)ation????
instead of
numbness, running, & vacations
OHHHHHHHH THE GREAT PATRON SAINT
of r u   n a    w   a    y    s
is suddenly b-come-ing brave!!

Ohhhhhhhh I
Didn't give a ****
And I shouldn't give a ****
So I don't give a ****
And I'll never give a ****

Why?....... Why must you hurt me?
What did i do to deserve THIS!!!!!
THIS OF ALL THINGS POSSIBLE IN THE WORLD!!!!
Just.... Just why?
I gave you my life, my feelings, my emotions, hell even my heart.
But you had to hurt me this way.
Of all things.... Of all things in this world...
You hurt me in the most in this hellish way that i thought was impossible.
What did you have to do to think up this?!?!?!
What insane, unearthly, thing did I do to you to..... to......
Ohhhhhhhh ***** it!!!!
F%$# you world!!!!!!
You have already walked on, beaten, and killed all of my emotions!!!!
I will not let you destroy my last emotion!!!
HATE!
Hate is all i have left for this world.....
I'm not going to be emotionless!
This last emotion of mine i will let it fester, ferment, become putrid, and bile!!!!!
I will find were you hurt the most and strike you down!
But for now oh dreadfully morbid world of mine....
Eat well, be happy, and sleep well at night.
So you won't here me coming when your happy, and blissful, and oblivious..... To the hurt that happened around you.
Just be ready for my moment of redemption....
Cause guess what world.
Its gonna hurt like a B$%@#!!!!
Good Night.

I look deep into the woods

"Play with me!"

Dumb looking kid waves at me.

Then she kicks me over and rolls on me and starts punching. Biting.

I run. "Who was that"

I search for myself. My real self.

I see tears               from a girl

"These isn't fair" what?

Depression. Got no time for that.

I run.

I see a fading image of a girl. This time she's with many friends.

When she reaches her hand to them- when it almost touches, they disappear. Every single one.

She cries.        I run.

Oh. Who's that?

Me? That foolish kid?

With crowds of friends?

Best friends?

Is she dumb? Doesn't she know that they will once go away?

Especially.... she knows.... that friend......... the one she liked so much, almost loved.......

Will leave her.... like told before.....


Foolish! Foolish! Idiot! What are you doing there!

What am I doing? I'm suppose to be looking for myself!

Oh.



Ohhhhhhhh.....






That's me.

this humid morning
seems to be making me
seems to  me....
so take a deep breath
down your lungs
let me feel your eyes  turn me
oh
bright smile
always seemed to
have made me-
oh
it seems to me-

so drink of your cup of sin
and tell me in the morning
"why are  you making me sad for?"
ohhhhhhhh

seems to me
you found delight
in your own skin
but i thought you said you'd never-

never-

and now i forget

Ohhhhhhhh.......
I do daclair ,
the enchanting one thayer,
yes you the one
reading me!
My huckleberry
it means the world to me
thank you for taking the time to read
you make me real

and Thankfully
my dear
I do give a damm

Ok then ,you don't remember them....
Oh I see let's
Pretend....
No ....I see it clearly ...
Used to be love ....used to be....
You and me .....
I believed .......
You
...used to be ...
Us against them ....
Now there is  no
"We"
Or was it just me....?
and you never really cared !?!
Oh ohhhhhhhh.
Ok I see .....
THAAAAAAAATS
Why you don't really remember us...
It's because there never really was.....
You just used me.....
Till I broke......
And now for  me
Every day  becomes another painful memory

Your mission ???????
You can't handle.
You wanna try ????
Uuugh    ohhhhhhhh K
So there's a place
Takes no space yet it's real
You can't feel it directly
You can see it digitally !
Allagorically...
The concept will elict difficulties
Set aside ample time to digest
In a safe place
Close your  eyes
Figuritively role them back 180 degrees from vertical
And horizontal plain
Hope fully you're comfortable
And if nothing went wrong you should be in awe
Of the view   .....
Watch what you do....
Welcome to you......
Focus please take a reading of your compass
Stay on task and don't ask questions
Of you may not come out of this
Look to the tempral lobe
In there youll see the hippocampus....
See
Do you see a door that reads
episodic memories are formed and indexed here?
Good this is where you want to be to accept this mission
...
Ready ???
Here it is
This place is the network center
Where every word you
(The collective you and all that
And those that make you "you "
Persona ,the dreamy you
The critical in self awareness you)
Have thought or said .
What I need you to do is read all of them in chronological order
While feeling the emotions you see attached to them .....
When you find ones that wronged or hurt any one
Fix them.....
K ? See you when your done
..........
Want me to lock you in?
What ?
You can't ?
I know
And you shouldn't try

Let it go
And live
My love.........
Life becomes the past so fast
And we're different
So of course you are gonna make
Mistakes
F... Em if they can't fixem