looking at the mirror
even if not apparent
there is another image
another world, another half
on one side, the fanfare
the other, the silence
resilience amid despair
on one side, all I hear
the other, all that is left unsaid
and I still insist
to remain conscious
apparent
in one hand, nurturance
in the other, discouragement
absent
transposing every moment
that I still stopped
silent, talking
looking at the mirror
even if not apparent
there is another image
another world, another half
in one hand, the missing
and in the other
too.

As stars reflect the knowledge of the sacred,
The boiling seas of the cosmos churn acrid.
Upon the nurturance of Venus' passionate quivering calls exclaimed,
The essence of God's wrath so lovingly made tame.
As the chariots of love, upon the courtships of epic virtue, possess,
Our goddess sisters, import the specialty of rule, for which the governs obsess.
As Boreas' trumpet sounds a euphoric ecstatic bliss,
Rosicrucian passion bells hither, to a faint swaying and hiss.
As the murmuring embers of the divine, left receded,
Hour of humanities past, no time of present, so subtley defeated.
As upon death, a mummy spreads its rein,
Crucibles of knowledge, all for not, in vain.
The seduction of fertility and the mysteries left to relish,
Though made bitter upon showers of mourn, to embellish.
The disillusionment of our fathers’ petty immortal opportunity made solemn,
The wisest of men, why, amongst the true, made golem.
Take precedence, then and now, when upon your throne of pride,
As the winds of wrath call upon, our savior’s passion tried.
In due notion a precedence of time, without respect,
A fulfillment of God's love, our souls to resurrect.
As dragons drew the chariots of night with profound duration,
A coward’s sword in hand, his skewer's elation.
As stars reflect the knowledge  of the sacred,
Humanities, why… derision for dole, left shaken.
As prophets emit, as seen thus…
When stars do let fall the Sun,
Pray thee, a heavenly Venus.

An important striking coronary heart is a large mind. No engage in on increasingly being compact. It is not necessarily sensitive or possibly undecided. The idea moves on, investing in existence, design, and it is individual skill to enjoy. A lot of people never possess a impressive cardiovascular system his or her heart happens to be broken or cracked. We tend to skilled being rejected, mistreat, and desertion as small children and therefore much of our mind seemed to be hurt. That seriously injured heart and soul is normally took forth into adulthood, re-creating even more unkind issues by itself. A real seriously injured heart and soul is prone to all of the yet unmet specifications about when we are children. Few on the lookout for whatever will probably cleanse it, in search of nurturance in other people, hard earned cash, nutrition, alcoholic drinks, person ill at ease, problems, or simply health problems. A harmed heart are unable to stay truly because it's in no way total. 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This doesn't mean we tend to for no reason believe worries or even frustration. This that you frequently make contact with take pleasure in. Find ourselves in all the center involving wrath, of animosity, with unnecessary aggravation, involving sense pain, and we like to recollect. Beginning to see a experiencing is personal charged, I really first issue our typical reactions women together with happenings. Whenever i feel discarded, I actually take a step back because of personally and figure out just what is really taking. Now have I really established me upwards for the feel? Did I actually neglect to worth myself? Did My partner and i heal this unique other person for an point, a new prize that should be won or lost? Could I just treasure this individual and seemed to be My spouse and i no more than interested in preserving profiting their permission? 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You tuck your tummy
You wish it is flat
You neglect its wishes
All she wants is listen
And give her dire attention


Your belly
The seat of creation
Find the chakra of passion
Expanding to the universe so designed
Feed her with nurturance

It gives you butterflies
It constipates with unease

Ditch the girdle
The belly jeans
That which constricts its breath
Celebrate its roundedness

Walk and be proud as tall as a tree
Honor thy Womb.

Can't be at ease in the comfort
Of fuzzy untruth this is only a
Slice of reality and I have no feel
For its limited nurturance
This cup of coffee isn't my cup of tea
Missing the edge of purpose
Needing the pull of importance
Isn't within me I am but a tool
In creators tool box
A fool for the thrill of ultimate
So weak and crumbled when dust
Settles in my cracks
I need to see within further beyond and
Out of this world
I need to feel the warmth of your
Souls breath
Embrace your pain
For mine was ever lonely
Always dropped by another
It was too heavy they say
Cast iron it seemed
Nice to rely on its heavy duty
Wall of patience
I got used to it
Direction lost in a whirlpool
Today
Limitations everywhere I turn
Reality reflects little of me
Little of the world
I never knew where I belonged
Only in this one on one
Staring void of all else
Gone
Shaken by the waves of
Their tormented natures
And life is beautiful
In the high pitched
Whine of a violins complaint
And I know no other way
To keep my livelihood
Than to be this joke of a savior
That is how I save myself
If I don't explode or run from life

I stood there with my hands out begging for forgiveness
She gave it but I wilted, until the sun help me to stand
And together we grew on common ground
Understanding fueling my defeat of grief
Leafs budding from rooted truth
We healed with what we both knew
Time passed by, I loved her still
Her freckled face, her sheer will
She was the brightest flower I had seen
But her brilliance became less green
She would take the nurturance we once had shared
She started pulling at my petals
Telling me I wasn’t bright
Saying things to make her light shine
And sneaking all the sun
I let it be, I let her have her fun
I took it every time
Knowing she had once took mine
Thorns took place of soft vulnerabilities
And she stung instead of happy memories
What happened to that flower?
What happened to her power?
What happened to the beauty?
When did you get so *****?

A home filled with warmth and nurturance
Where you don't have to bluff yourself
Because no one judges you

A home full of consolation
With people you can lean on
Through thunders and joyful times

During pitch-dark days
With no direction to move forward
Powerless,misery and mournfulness
Falling down from cloud 9
Their hands always open to catch you
They never wane from your sight

Family is everything

-Lakhana

So many bumps in the unfolding of a day,
a month,
a year,
a series of eclipses
brought me to an inner caving

to become reunited with the fact that i am on a path going somewhere, i do not know;

desperately trying to retain scraps of the past
in the efforts of a sense of longevity,
my life has become absorbed by the feeling that i lack it

its a nice try
but you can't really force anything
its no longer for a reason
it wouldn't be your past if you were still living in it

elements still remain the same
but you don't listen to the ramone's anymore
or watch horror movies and existential dramas on a daily basis

that energy though, that desire for that energy
that release,
that expression
is still there; its just transformed.

you didn't lose anything,
you just went to the next level.

its just this need to be so extreme, still
the need to busy myself
to fill up the time w/ new things.

why not just embrace the coming and going?
the subtlety of it
why does that have to be "death" as we know it?
the going of the old and coming of the new

after ever having never been a beach person, i now realize that it is a setting for the embracing of the state (event) of transition

i guess that's why i've been being attracted to it, and the moon;
to water.

theres so much ebb and flow.
the being "ruled" by "something"
"something" so much larger than you
but i am brought back down to the imagery of the here and now,
of my basement,
to the need for me to cast my life out like a fishing line;
to stop eating the words of others in hopes of sustenance.
to stop eating their poison,
depression;
illness; inner decay

to take the sins of others off the menu.

Can that realization be enough?
that i don't want to devour anything, anymore

Learning to not devour worlds as a life lesson.

and knowing that the world i want to be in
is the one of reminding myself that it's okay to wander,
a world of nurturance
of feeding and being fed.

Panegoism is a pandation of mensuration in supersolid pettifoggery against the wafting wasms of wanion that is a wone for wonted license expedited by parabolasters of chabouks nakedized by nasute argali in foutered conflict between bobbinets and sarsenets in catabasis from bushwa pertinacity breamed by brayers and affrayers trying to squelch brisures from conquering stagnicolous stonks by advesperating bangtail luxuries at the forefront of stradometrical neglect because of sphacelated hauteur the sprachgefuhl of elegiac poltroons of irreflex ironless drab docimasy of orectic oppidan maximalism so unseemly it almost seems a chamade of  onyxis eyeservice berating the camarilla of habanera. The hamerkop of proper stagnation mixed with aptitude is a porlocking handsel of immoralism abaft in aberdevine abessive insouciant conformity apay to sideline internecine domestic appui clarigated against desipient deontology by feasting on odontalgia mainlining decuman deadwood as gourmet especially in cloisters of davenport besieged by the frottage incurred by adevism reformulated as rimose varietism of varsal protervity and procacious profligacy immune to vastation because of vehicles of vecordy gouging vectigals in deckled consolation of gerrymandered but gentrified newels marooning the balmorality of subterfuge to enamor killcows often pilloried as sakis into mesalliance with exlex compromise.

The meldometers that tax megacerine meconology juddering against sudd trying to elude juggins judogi of barmcloth catacoustics of cacotopia immiserated ingravescent by the caudles to steeve them sink into cecutiency reminded often of negannepaut only to provoke their obsolescence of stark cisvestism transpontine in beblubbered sentimentalism peenging about bandelets dashed by dashpots of ragmatical rhinocerial romage deprived of tropoclastic nurturance in the rookery of their heyday wases of wapentake cajoling the podlecs pysmatic in incorrigible oppression of rudenture and mugience must the pansophy tread lightly against the polyacoustic repine of scelestious wrackful recklings of gossypine boskets agape with agathism pilgarlicks abide by in jamdanis castrametated as ghastly politicide. The pother of indigence is a pushful brehon encircling quozzes of quilombo reasted in rectiserial substratose taeniacide of anonymity the tabacosis of gorgonized gonophs defiling the umjunction of sumpters of veilleuse vicariant virgations of vis viewed from twiring turtlebacks of skalding vorticism of gerenuk wunderkinds plucked from plucky endeavor itself to glissade over winterkill as gonfaloniers paroxytone as monumental pergola woolding as willowish williwaws seeking to eradicate widgeons as domett by the cloture of peremptory eloquence corraded from the codswallop of the walloping machinations of poverty straining umbracious servitude to rampicks of optimism rather than the coemption of community valor in collimation with timocracy.

The cofferdam between authoritative pragmatica of clepsydra and cirripeds of pataphysics is an antagonism of form over substance wroth with azoth because of the abb of compital nevosity of bronchos caused by scop amounted among nerkas of neutrosophy recoiling in sastrugas of obfuscation beholden to sarangousty transmuted into stulm implodent to incumbent procedure imbricates idiorhythmic if saccadic balanisms of the nutation of the noosphere around circumducted anomalies of umbels qualified by therbligs of subliminal and sublime synartesis of angstroms and the plasma of sedigitated syllepsis sublated by miniaturized coemption of variegated abscissa that provokes the steepest acclivity that any single aerobe known to formative wunderkinds pales to the aftershaft of that bonanza. In such severe akinesia of alaudine alexia only deciphered by algetic subroutines insubordinating plunged wagtail derrick into the dentagra of scientific odonterism can we field the apodysophilia, beyond the specious inveterate and stubborn aphthong of science, aplanatic and apodictic feuilleton of scollardical degus that become integral dedans that cavort like duramen in the famine and volcanic galvanization in the fallow ratheripe certainty designed by stradometrical stridulation to mirror the strahl and diminish the strake by bobstaying probands by the bezique bellecism of contrahent stupidity. In the frogmarch of bonanza contecking cachalots privy to kistvaens of cameralism and the moulin camouflet the spavined of penelopized and gorgonized paludism of mehari indagating because of stulm that the mazzebah is not the mazopathia of laystall kisswonks too scurfy in lineolated limpkins to propel the lugsails at the apogees of achievement because zabaglione is too inscrutable even to zollvereins that gouge a fortune among their zoris of eavesdropped boodle among the hawsehole of highbinder intrigue holderbats thole against hopsacks because of visibilia and vetanda delimiting the ambit of adynamia wed with barkentine prestige into an easement oxtered with overlock jacquards bewildering even the janitrices to the ulterior prerogatives enjoyed by ipecac while the ireless abessive unguligrade subitaneous folly of wagtail tregetours enthused on yawny rather than ****** youthquakes.

The stylogalmaic affairs of baragouins among lavolta and stanjant stunsail with dignified stritches capsizing swarf with baldric portfires of powellisation garnering guerdons basculing because of bathmism scranching inept trichosis with walleteer agiotage because of dommerer yare proairesis to yerk kymatology from fickle and feckless to intrepid and pervicacious that maybe draconian subterfuge anserine to probang by praxeology transfixing prisoptometry might uranoplasty in metapolitics abetted by metaplasmic tourbillons tow themselves slumberous while the alacrity of lavolta tricotees with popjoys of porcellanous tephra milked vaccimulgent in impudence volplaning vivat because of contrahent silence obeyed categorically by the dormant virgation of shambles viscid in hyperbulia. When marauding among holocryptic fringes extramundane in histrinkage harried by the haecceity of brutish bowdlerization, the gnomic futtocks of the foison griffonage dissembles eupraxia in eutrapely that rantipole ecphonesis becomes an ecdysiast of the aurochs of advesperation dwaling in soteriology because the dulia of adiaphoron is a volable virtu  foothot with katzenjammer becomes the mappemonde of macrobian cosmopolitanism flushed by hues of oligochrome by visagists insuperable in vallidom that the vagarian curiosity accidentally twires the tympany dismantling mackintoshes arrayed by the mainpernor of strict docimasy tethered to squamation such that mantissas discounting echards because of chevet becomes a fashionable marivaudage yarnwindling birls of woold despite bickerns wallfish owleries cajole into wangs of slangwhang in the washlands of vicissitude wedelning chrematistic cordwainers with the windlass of their stang recapitulated in ostentation. Couveuses balize and beaze because of bandore, the sennet of sidelighted garbology upstaged by singulted skives ictuating the idempotent because of odedible vulpecular boyaus of oblectation done because of streamlined encaustic quatenus browbeating the quatsch of teenage familisteries flagitating the suboptimal Sarvodaya even with derelict flautino cadged by laevoduction chiliombs whipstaffing impressionable gerenuks sympatric by proxemics to inhospitable wen rimose with jollyboat katabothrons of catacoustics that the websters tower over the phallocrats because of wasserman popinjay panjandrum gauleiters warraying backstays of causerie clatfart amicable to jousting subternatural pickthanks of cittosis amenable to cacophony. The truer virtuosity of weasand meets a cladogenesis of champaign ambitions versus cetacean vultures chabouking the jostle of concourse among superlunary and sublunary carracks warring for cardimelech saffrons of gentrified sagination leading to idiomology easy to iambize spaniolating with nutation to govern the hyperborean capital of catalfalques simultaneous to bluepeters because of abigail bowdlerization of sophianic nidor embodied in truth.

untimely death sentence ordained
approximately six months prior
to mother dearest celebrating
her seventieth birthday,
though the last three years of her life
impacted courtesy hysterectomy
to remove malignant growth,
which severely limited
mobility of once vivacious
former Arthur Murray
ballroom dance teacher
when she exuded youthful innocence.

The remaining lines comprising
following reasonable rhyme
crafted quite so many moons ago
exhibit exemplary codified cobbled attempt
to communicate belated filial declaration.

Test teasing prophylactics embarrassing
purchase never made at local drugstore
unsurprisingly, obviously, invariably...
birth control taboo subject, best to ignore
subsequently ******* awkwardly coordinated,
consummated, completed extempore
hence bun in the oven bon jure

yielded unicellular spore
while in utero ~ early/mid
February I ain't exactly sure
nineteen hundred thirty five - dirt poor
Harriet Harris, fourth, last born
fetched vicinity Coney Island offshore

by stork, became favorite progeny begat
courtesy Morris, and then swore
celibacy forever more
Rebeckah Kuritsky heretofore
harbored inchoate genetic fore
boded, encoded, inscribed
deadly mutations housed,

fetched, dispatched and bore
flawed BRCA1 and BRCA2 genes sketched
affecting circumscribing her allotted mortality
orbitz equaling about three and a half score
unknowingly, unsuspectingly, unwittingly,
her biologic fatal demise indelibly etched.

Breast cancer first brush
sounded death knell
Harriet approximately clocked fifty plus
underwent grueling radiation
plus chemotherapy
carcinoma eradicated allowed,
enabled, provided breathing spell

reprieve accentuated, galvanized, punctuated...
newfound zealous zest almost
nothing could quell
significance pray tell
new lease on life to sell
lib berate cherish, relish, whish

each precious moment
thwarting pell mell
adversity with bon vivant elan
and gusto to issue rebel yell
kickstarting, making breast
livingsocial aye bell,

especially after despite... er... well
her double mastectomy,
she looked fabulously swell
courtesy silicon implants
slight downside reconstituted
racked ***** *****
susceptible to ooze gel.

Many years post remission telltale
diagnosis, viz ovarian,
despite requisite hysterectomy
emotionally did impale,
she instinctually, intuitively,
invariably, yet quiver and quail

against impending demise 24/7 did assail
guardian angel(s) of no avail,
nor did yours truly proffer nurturance
resentment smoldering within this male
red hot poker anger lambasting me
peppered with ultimatums to vamoose,

never got resolved ensuing estrangement
deterred reaching out to embrace,
hearing raspy fading breaths exhale,
miserably tethered with tubes,
when she did severely pine
silently beckoning sole son
never knowing extent she did ail

and after seventeen plus years ago
still grievously, necessarily,
and unquestionably bewail
corporeal essence ashen pale
awkwardly, helplessly, stupidly... I stood
formidable grim reaper foe whisked mother
to Elysian fielded dale.

1935 - ~ May 4th, 2005
(untimely death sentence ordained ~ early February 1935)

I trot out a poem acknowledging birthday
of dear ole mom, who succumbed,
lost lease on life
nearly two decades ago,
who frequently asked me,
but never received acknowledgement
during her livingsocial years did abjure
(as the sole son)
communicating HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

Test teasing prophylactics embarrassing
purchase never made at local drugstore
unsurprisingly, obviously, invariably...
birth control taboo subject, best to ignore
subsequently ******* awkwardly coordinated,
consummated, completed extempore
courtesy the mythic sheet with a hole
through which prudish  
maternal grandparents supposedly copulated
hence bun in the oven bon jure

yielded unicellular spore
while in utero ~ early/mid
February I ain't exactly sure
nineteen hundred thirty five - dirt poor
Harriet Harris, fourth, last born
(interesting enough shared same birthdate
with eldest sister twelve years her senior)
fetched vicinity Coney Island offshore
by stork, became favorite progeny begat
courtesy Morris, and then swore
celibacy forever more

Rebeckah Kuritsky heretofore
harbored inchoate genetic fore
boded, encoded, inscribed
deadly mutations housed,
fetched, dispatched and bore
flawed BRCA1 and BRCA2 genes sketched
affecting circumscribing her allotted mortality
orbitz equaling about six months shy
of three and a half score
unknowingly, unsuspectingly, unwittingly,
her biologic fatal demise indelibly etched.

Breast cancer first brush
sounded death knell
Harriet approximately clocked fifty plus
orbitz around the sun,
she underwent grueling radiation
plus chemotherapy
carcinoma eradicated allowed,
enabled, provided breathing spell
reprieve accentuated, galvanized, punctuated...

newfound zealous zest almost
nothing could quell
significance pray tell
new lease on life to sell
lib berate cherish, relish, whish
each precious moment
thwarting pell mell
adversity with bon vivant elan
and gusto to issue rebel yell

kickstarting, making breast
livingsocial aye bell,
especially after despite... er... well
her double mastectomy,
she looked fabulously swell
courtesy silicon implants
slight downside reconstituted
racked ***** *****
susceptible to ooze gel.

Many years post remission telltale
diagnosis, viz ovarian,
despite requisite hysterectomy
emotionally did impale,
she instinctually, intuitively,
invariably, yet quiver and quail

against impending demise 24/7 did assail
guardian angel(s) of no avail,
nor did yours truly proffer nurturance
resentment smoldering within this male
red hot poker anger lambasting me
peppered with ultimatums to vamoose,

never got resolved ensuing estrangement
deterred reaching out to embrace,
hearing raspy fading breaths exhale,
miserably tethered with tubes
when she did severely pine ail

and grievously bewail
corporeal essence ashen pale
awkwardly, helplessly, stupidly... I stood
formidable grim reaper foe whisked mother
to Elysian fielded dale.

soft like the moss growing on a warm day
between hard brick and asphalt -
we are still left to pave more of this ****,
what was written in a bible over broken ribs,
with an image of us cooking them in an apron.
we are taught to grow softly and tacitly,
not to make a scene or blow fuses in outage,
a complex dance of stereotypes and structure,
boxing up traits of passivity and ruthless nurturance.
we only know what we've been taught -
pinning gentle arms across tense virility,
to thank them for protection and armour -
which has only caused confusion and dissonance.
i craft my words wisely here, hiss for answers -
because anything more would make me too much,
they try to box me up, but never find one big enough.
our femininity does not equal vacancy,
empathy or vigour, neither gender-specific -
but i sometimes think we got different tools,
a baby doll, a kitchen set, i've learned to care
because i had no other option but to.
i've been wearing pants, paying the bills,
and still making time for dinner.
i still feel none the wiser -
sometimes i wish i was just handed a puzzle,
but we'd still have to thank them for the opportunity.

I actually thought this ****
Voices were encouragement
Deserving it
That flourishes
With nurturance
And purposeness
A worthless word discourages
But jesus returns the world from
Murderous
Destruction
Of governments
Corrupted greed
And people without words to fit.
The urgent times
That emerge from surface looks
And ownership of
Currency
You think determines it
You still feel worthlessness
No matter earnings
Or status. Terms of searching
Left unfollowed
Untill your emptiness resurfaces
Its head is like an urchin
With a body of a life built on
Self esteem determined by purchases
Never returning love
To those who've truly earned that ****.
I speak as if I'm perfectness
In fact I'm pre determined
To emerge as being
Neither perfect
Nervous. Entitled or worthless
In a sea of certain defeat
I emerge a beast.
The mirror image of
Plural need.
My girls a freak.
My boys a beast.
In between is dreams.
Of worldly peace.
In earthly scenes that shoot like solar flares as time and space unfurls
Against a blackened sky
That hides its hurling mass into a further speed.
So free and in her perfect dream