Big Nig & Patty McJohnson lived with their 4 children in a modest house near the Empire State Building and each rainless day Patty would hang laundry over the side of a cliff in their yard that adjoined the steepest part of the Grand Canyon. One day, as Nig was trimming a bush, the Eiffel Tower began to lean scarily towards the McJohnson garage. "Hurry Todd!" Nig yelled. "I need duct tape! The big roll!" Quickly Todd & Nig encircled the tower with a wide swath of tape. "That will keep her from falling!" Nig proclaimed. "What happened?!" Patty asked. "The Eiffel Tower almost fell on our garage!" Todd exclaimed, still slightly out of breath. "We secured it with duct tape!" Later, after 23 hurricanes passed over their house, one after another, a volcano erupted, spewing a wave of lava 67,000 feet high. Fortunately Nig had prepared 2 dozen extra-big sand-bags to divert the flow.

God ****** God ****** God ****** depression is  a *****, like why TF this **** gotta sneak up on me like this, **** I'mma go to bed and not sleep I guess I'll lay with my lonesome till 3am and listen to my heart beat while I think ignoring the voices in my head telling me things like i’d be better off dead like as if despite  the fact I wish my ticker would stop ticking
But it won't, I wish I could c u t my own heart out with a knife but that's sounds boring so I dont I wish a niger could cry a nigers burdens away  but a.nigg*rs tear ducts are dry so I guess ill roll a joint and burn it away and then when I run out I'll break out the razors is in a slice in a way that will make the sane wonder how but what the **** is it to you who are you to say that I'm important to you who are you to say that I'm a lovely human being just ****.off please, i didn't ask your assistance no offense just leave me to my being because I disagree I wish you would ask me if I thought that I was as important I wish you'd ask me if I thought I was lovely cuz I'd say no I'm autistic trash and to me that **** is ugly cuz despite what I can do I can't do most of it ******* I thought I was a man, well I guess I was born with most of it I just want to ******* die no letter no notes no reasons why cuz I told you when I told you then I told you again did you think that was a lie  you must have presumed that it's a cry for attention are you out of your ******* mind don't worry its okay to make the jokes it doesn't hurt at all it's okay to mock me it doesn't phase a bit,  but I guess you will you  learn to shut your ******* mouth when you find my body its wrist slit  but I guess it's kind of my fault because I smile every time they ask me if I'm fine god ****** god ****** god ****** Depression is a ***** like why the **** this **** got to sneak up on me like this

BIG NIG'S DISASTER PREPAREDNESS - Big Nig & Patty McJohnson lived with their 4 children in a modest house near the Empire State Building and each rainless day Patty would hang laundry over the side of a cliff in their yard that adjoined the steepest part of the Grand Canyon. One day, as Nig was trimming a bush, the Eiffel Tower began to lean scarily towards the McJohnson garage. "Hurry Todd!" Nig yelled. "I need duct tape! The big roll!" Quickly Todd & Nig encircled the tower with a wide swath of tape. "That will keep her from falling!" Nig proclaimed. "What happened?!" Patty asked. "The Eiffel Tower almost fell on our garage!" Todd exclaimed, still slightly out of breath. "We secured it with duct tape!" Later, after 23 hurricanes passed over their house, one after another, a volcano erupted, spewing a wave of lava 67,000 feet high. Fortunately Nig had prepared 2 dozen extra-big sand-bags to divert the flow.

Uhh,..Young Ston, What up..
Shoutout to my hustling **** ******..Shoutout to my hustling gangstas..Uhh, Shoutout to all my hustling ****** ******, Shoutout to all my ****** real ******, aye..

/OFTR, We ****** Hustlers man & , (we handle our business, Yeah2)..Aye we some ****** real ****** & we (handle our business4),Our business Yeah..OFTR we ****** Hustlers man , Aye we some real ******..****** young ******, , but we (handle our business4) our business..(Yeah we handle our business2).. Handle (our business2)..,OFTR, we gangstas..we ****** hustlers man Yeah we stay high all day. ,but (we take care of business, Yeah2)..we take care of business man.. Handle (our business3)..we some ****** real ******, but (we get to business, Yeah3)..We ****** Hustling young ******.. (young real ******2)..gangsta (thugging..real ******3)...Yeah,OFTR, We ****** Hustlers,man..(We handle our business..3) (Yeah we handle business3) man...we (handle business,2)..our business (we handle..our business..2)(our business2)..***** (Yeah we bout our business4)..We some ****** Hustling (Thugging..gangsta ******3)..OFTR..(****** young ******3),..but we bout our ****, Yeah we ****** (Hustling Gangsta young ******3),We gangstas *****..ONLY FOR THE REAL..
Aye Yeah..
(we handle our business4)..handle (our business3)..Aye we some ****** Hustlers man Aye, Yeah (We bout our business2).Yeah we (take care of business2).. We take care of (our business..2)business..We busy

We bout our business, Yeah we handle business man, We some Thugging ******, we some gangsta ****** & (we stay ****** *****2)..Aye, but we all on our **** man, Yeah..We ****** Hustlers *****, Yeah (we handle our business2)..(our business3)..Yeah..Uhh
I wake up in the morning I gotta Thank God, & I gotta get (back to ryhming, back to grinding2),back to taking care of business..my business *****,Aye, they say stick to what you do best & stick to what you know man..& stay true to yourself, don't let these devils confuse you & mislead you  to the wrong path my *****..

Aye, hard work doesn't go unnoticed & that's real talk, this is real game from a younging, don't be scared to learn something from me, don't be a fool man, I know they don't know too much about me, The Young ****** Disciple, but I'm one of the realest rappers that's still alive tho dude, Fo sho,I'm the best rapper in Atlanta OFTR, we our own league dawg..& I'm the commissioner, we will never fall, we stand tall, & We forever gone ball, stay strong, & keep grinding.., Yeah, we take care of business..
Yeah..We bout our business..

/We ****** Hustlers, ****** (young ******,2) that (handle our business,2..)(our business2)..Yeah we take care (of business3), Yeah/2
Aye we getting to business..man , I'm making these hoes famous just for one night my nig,I'm macking on these hoes,like the 70s, then I'm (back to business2) man..I handle (my business2),yeah, my ***** I'm too much , too handle, I'm too much to control,Young Ston *****..(too much2).. Man
I got the full control of my music..I got the control now Kendrick,..Uhh,I'm proving all of them ***** *** critics so wrong now man..They made a big mistake dobuting on a young *****, a ****** Hustling Thuggin Gangsta,ayo The system created a monster that's about to go off like Godzilla on my city dawg, I'm causing alot of chaos my *****,no regrets
Fo show dude ..Ohhwoah..Uhh.

Shoutout to my hustling **** ******..Shoutout to my hustling gangstas..Uhh, Shoutout to all my hustling ****** ******, Shoutout to all my ****** real ******, aye..OFTR
We ****** Hustlers.. ONLY FOR THE REAL
mufucker
Yeah..

Young Nig Termite held back laughter as his bride Gloria Cronkite unhitched 3 horses from the coach. "There Nig, I hope you're happy now. I nearly perforated my ***** reaching up so high," she whined. "That'll make things easier for me tonight in our marital bed: just you, me and 2 hobos," Nig replied. "Two hobos?" Gloria questioned. "Why two?" Nig thought a moment: "Because we agreed two was plenty."

We gone (live life up2)...(we gone live it up2)..(Live it up2)...we gone (live life up2)..We gone (live it up,2) We gone live life Yeah, we gone live life up, we gone live life Yeah, (we gone live it up2)..live it up..we gone (live life Yeah2)..(live it up2)..Aye, (we gone live life up3)..***** we gone live it up, Yeah ***** we gone (live it up3)..***** (we gone live life up,  Yeah2)..(we gone live it up3)..live life up,..Aye live life up,..Aye (live it up2)..

Everybody come through ***** lets turn up,lets burn up,Blaze (not just one2)..blaze the whole pacc up **** we got alot (more coming2)..to smoke no we don't ever run out, we living life Yeah..we live life up *****, we gone (live it up2)..live life yeah..Uhh..
If you coming through, Yeah bring your crew with no drama, no guns allowed at all..What up Snoop Lion..,Uhh,if you coming through bring some bottles too, come through & let all the ******* burn up wit the marijuana, come through wit no violence, tonight we will be having no problems none at all dawg,we living it up man..,

(***** We gone../live life up2../)2..

Tonight is gonna be so amazing,..Uhh,.
Only Real ****** invited to my crib, Yeah Only Real gangstas & down chicks, thats (bout it2), man, Aye we (living life up2)..we didn't usta live life at all dawg, we didn't have much fun, I was slaving for America till, I said **** a 9 to 5 bru, & became my own boss OFTR Yeah, just for that Imma (live it up..3)..Yeah Imma live life now.., Yeah tonight I'm living it up, Yeah living it up,I'm  living life how I want,..live it up, Yeah,live it up my *****,..
Let's jam..(Aye, we gone (live life up2) Yeah2)..

/we gone po up, Yeah we gone roll up, & post up my nig..Uhh, we gone (live it up2)..Yeah/2
Aye, (we gone (live life up3), Aye,Yeah2)..
/We gone (live it up4)..Yeah/3
Live life up my nig..

Whats good , bad lil mama bring yo **** *** over, Yeah come through & bring some of your friends over too, come hang chill & let loose wit a real gangsta Young Ston, Imma show you what's real Babygirl,make sure you bring some lingerie wit ya..Uhh, Imma teach you alot of new things boo, I can tell you ain't been wit a ****.. (Like me before2)..Never before,.. Aye my life is a critically acclaimed motion picture & it ain't even  been released yet **** having a Oscar nomination, ***** I'm still a winner, Aye don't ever compare me to somebody else , nobody man, unless it's a real one,
Yeah man we turning up, some even throwing up, some even on the floor pissy drunk ****, my crib gonna look a mess in the morning but its all good along as everybody have fun.. (Yeah2)..
We (living life up *****2)..(live it up3)..Aye

(***** we gone live life up2)..live it up..(***** we living life up3)..we living life Yeah..(we living life up2), live it up, (yeah, we living life up3)..Uhh..

Ain't no drama, Ain't no problems we drinking, & we blazing marijuana, Ain't no drama, ain't no problems ***** we poing up & smoking that good marijuana,..Ain't no drama, Ain't no problems (we just drinking & blazing marijuana2)..,Aye..
Ain't no drama, Ain't  no problems my *****(we just living it up2)..We just having fun,..(Yeah live it up3)..Live life *****, Yeah..Uhh Live life up..
Young Ston

(Ain't no drama, Ain't no problems..2)
We living life Yeah..
(Ain't no drama, Ain't no problems..2)
We living it up my *****..Yeah.
(Live it up*2)..man, Uhh

ONLY FOR THE REAL ENTERTAINMENT

Uhh..,Young Ston, OFTR..
They say I'm crazy, They say I'm lazy,..they call me crazy, they call me lazy,..Ayee,Yeah..They say I'm crazy, Yeah they say I'm lazy, Uhh, they say I'm crazy..I'm amazing, They say I'm lazy, I'm amazing, They say I'm crazy, They call me lazy, They say I'm....
Crazy..(I'm amazing7)
They say I'm crazy..they call me lazy, They call me crazy..They say I'm lazy..They say I'm crazy, ***** I might  be..Uhh..Yeah..I'm (amazing2)..
(so amazing2)..amazing

Uhh, No Kanye West **** tho dawg, Good Morning tho, Yeah the birds is chirping so loud in the Atown, but I ain't worrying or stunning them hos, no,no..,Ayo, I'm wit my big brothers we mobbing, & we rising up to the top without selling our souls, **** all of that Occult ****, forget about being a Freemason, I'm keeping it hundred, & they only keep it 33 percent, them ******* so scared to even ever show they faces true colors & rep they gang man while they out in public,.. Not me Imma stunt Yeah,..Imma stunt for OFTR *****,..Imma scream my gang so loud to the top of my lungs, Yeah ***** Imma shout..While I'm smoking on some crazy amazing bud mane, I'm  spitting facts from my spirit & soul man, ayo them ******* *** rappers ain't who they say that is noo, not (really2)..homie, they only betraying us mane, Yeah they so fake man, they so gay Yeah freaking faggets, stay the **** outta my face & stay the **** away from me homie, before yo body be filled with maggots..

Aye, I builded my own corporation by just having hope man & praying Yeah..I'm motivating all of my young ****** to stop, following after these **** ******, they ain't keeping it true they rapping lies, & that's not the code. Ayo even the president & his whole committee stay lying to us too, we as the people need to do something together soon, so lets overthrow these false prophets & fake leaders as soon as possible dawg, Uhh..
**** the government, **** America, man I'm going in,.. noo OFTR we won't stop, Noo we can't stop,man.. We can't be stopped either my nig..Uhh, **** Society, **** the police, **** everybody that's hating, **** all the fakes too homie, Aye man **** a friend, **** having a ol lady too homie noo I don't need all of those distractions around me Aye..
Imma always stay true to myself mane..Yeah ***** (Yeah2)..Uhh I got my family, &  I will  ride on any ***** ***** who ever disrespect one them & shoot some **** up,Yeah , that's what my Daddy taught me my *****...Uhh,Yeah..I'm riding to the end for OFTR man, OFTR we all stars..we so amazing,..Yeah we (so amazing3)..

Aye man yeah these ****** stay hating, they hate me..Why because I'm amazing, so amazing.. Aye man, yo ***** wanna come over to my place get faded & get ******..Uhh Imma beat her up..I Chris Brown dat **, call her a Uber then send her *** home packing,.. ain't no sleep overs wit me *****  Noo , you should already know that OFTR noo we don't love these **'s, noo we don't trust em too..Uhh
I be too busy to be sexting & picking up my phone but ***** **** I do give out the best quickies tho **,Yeah..I'm on my grind for the whole day, Noo I can't sleep, Yeah I'm doing whatever I gotta do to feed my family & developing my business into a multi billion dollar industry, but I ain't bending over or ******* ****, forget that sweet Starship type ****.., Yeah **** all of dat , OFTR we got our own agenda man, keeping it real & funky, everyday, Yeah Uhh..I'm getting so stronger everyday..I'm smoking on that strong Hulk smash ****, please don't interfere wit me or else you will be MIA, Aye mane..,I'm so amazing..Uhh.
I'm on my sonic Flow, I'm going so fast, I'm rolling some more grass while I drive man, I been drinking too ****, my ***** I might even crash,..Yeah I'm crazy but you can't call me lazy mufucker, you just looking in from the outside man, who the ******* think you is..Uhh


Only my Heavenly Father can judge me mane,
(Nobody else , Noo2)..*****, Yeah Young Ston a King , Yeah..Uhh Young Ston a g, Yeah Uhh.., Young Ston the man **,..I keep going in, & I ain't pulling out, let's go..Uhh..Yeah
They say I'm crazy, they call me lazy, but they don't know that there is a weapon that's been inside of me, bout to get me so paid *****..so paid Yeah..Yeah..(I'm about to get paid man2)..(I'm about to get paid Yeah3)..
/Yeah..(so paid2)/3..I ain't being (no slave2)..man..Uhh

They say I'm crazy,...
They say I'm lazy, they call me crazy, they call me lazy, they say I'm lazy,..They call me crazy..Uhh..***** I'm amazing, Yeah..(I'm amazing2)..Yeah ***** (I'm amazing3)..Yeah ***** (I'm amazing3)..I'm so amazing, Yeah..

I'm amazing everybody when they doubted on me my *****, They  said I couldn't do nothing but just be a problem, well **** they was right about one thing, Yeah I didn't have a job for a long time  mane..young *****, I usta just sit around the house dream about my future & write hits all day long mane,..Aye but I always had a plan to go out to get what is mines homie..Aye this world so **** evil they gott a ***** like me set up for failure already but I will achieve, & smoke a J wit Farrakhan to discuss being invole  in the Future Revolution for my people..Aye Yeah man..

These demons won't block my vision, man they underneath me Yeah dawg, Yeah I like to roll up Yeah I like to drink alot my ***** , so what, I live my life so you should live yours..Uhh my ***** live it up..Uhh,Yeah Young Ston these busters said I would never ever make it too the big leagues but now they all following after my foot steps  mane.. dawg these succers all around me, & stay tweeting me asking for a **** handout bru, hell naw get the **** up outta my zone, Im not ever associating myself or ever  doing business with ***** *** fakes,..Yeah..Aye.. ***** ***** stay on yo route, don't hop in my lane dude..

You lames copying after each other in Atl mane & I'm doing my music my own way ****, I was the greatest already without nobody even knowing about me, Imma living legend, I prosper forever Yeah, Uhh..Young Ston I'm amazing , so amazing, Yeah ***** I'm amazing, so amazing.. So amazing, so what they can call me crazy dawg, I'm so far away from the haters mane, I'm so elevated, Yeah they can call me crazy all they want ,but no they can't call me lazy, because *****..I know what I am..

I'm amazing Yeah Cuhz.. (I'm amazing3)...Yeah (I'm amazing3)..(Yeah I'm amazing3)..I'm (so amazing2)....
Ayee..Yeah they  say I'm lazy, They call me crazy, They call me lazy, they say I'm crazy,..
/*****.., Yeah (I'm amazing2)../4
Haaaa,(so amazing3)..I'm (so amazing3)..
***** I'm amazing, Yeah ***** I'm crazy,but I ain't even 5 steps close to being lazy..Uhh I'm amazing.. (So amazing4)..Young Ston

Uhh..Young Ston,..
The ****** Disciple. ..OFTR..Yeah this is Only For The Real dawg..Yeah only for (my real ones,Yeah2)..Yeah..(Ohh3)..Let's do it...Lets go..roll up..yeah roll mo..(Ohh3)..Yeah let's go..
Uhh..(I just do what I do Yeah2)..I do what I do man..(I just do what I do *****2)..keeping it gangster & trill man..(Yeah I do what I do man2)..Yeah..(I do what I do..Yeah2)..I just do what I do..Yeah..I do what I do *****..I just do what I do..Oooo,..(Yeah2)..keeping it gangster & keeping it trill.. Ohh,..(I just do what I do Yeah2)..I just do what I do man,..Yeah I do what I do *****,..(Yeah I do what I do man2)..I just do what I do *****..keeping it gangster & keeping  it trill..yeah, yeah..keeping it gangster & trill man..that's what I do Yeah,..(thats what I do man,..Yeah2)..keeping it gangster & trill man, Yeah...
I do what I do man, I just do what I do man, I just do what I do..(Yeah, keeping it gangsta & keeping it trill2)..,thats what I do..Yeah I do what I do..Yeah..I just do what  I do Yeah..

Yeah I'm staying gangsta , Yeah I'm staying trill *****..Please excuse me, Yeah I might slip up & say ignorant **** sometimes homie,.. Lord please forgive me..Uhh, I'm changing up hip hop mane, Noo it will never be the same, Yeah its under my control now lames, Aye these ***** *** rappers under mind control, by Satan, they programed to deceive us, they so full of mischeif,yeah they rapping lies to ya just to be famous, so don't follow what seems cool, because they are the white mans trap.. Yeah it's just an illusion dude to fool you, just be yo self dawg, look up to Jesus..

Uhh..(I just do what I do  Yeah2)..I do what I do man..(I just do what I do *****2)..keeping it gangster & trill man..(Yeah I do what I do man2)..Yeah..(I do what I do..Yeah2)..I just do what I do..Yeah..I do what I do *****..I just do what I do..Oooo,..(Yeah2)..keeping it gangster & keeping it trill.. Ohh,..(I just do what I do Yeah2)..I just do what I do man,..Yeah I do what I do *****,..(Yeah I do what I do man2)..I just do what I do *****..keeping it gangster & keeping  it trill..yeah, yeah..keeping it gangster & trill man..that's what I do Yeah,..(thats what I do man,..Yeah2)..keeping it gangster & trill man, Yeah...
I do what I do man, I just do what I do man, I just do what I do..(Yeah, keeping it gangsta & keeping it trill2)..,thats what I do..Yeah..I do what I do..Yeah..I just do what I do Yeah..

My dude, just do you, keep it gangster & keep it trill always dawg..Ooo,..I'm wit my family heading to the top of the food chain homie..Yeah we so hungry eating up anybody that try to interfere wit the gang game plan mane..OFTR..We all real gangsters, we move in silence, but still be making alot of noise, like Jeeper Creepers..Uhh
We don't die man, we just get bigger & stronger & multiply *****.., we all one, we are own army & government..we fully armored..
Yeah OFTR, we keep it so trill, Yeah we keep it so gangster man..,Yeah we underrated but still is the best Yess.., I just want peace yeah man, but don't ever try to take advantage of me..Aye ***** ****** keep thinking **** sweet wit me then yo *** will get busted like a soft ***** in jail man & I mean what I say no facades about me, **** policts homie..Uhh

1..2..3 more versers that I got in me to spit, but Imma keep this song short,..Yeah..This is more than just about nothing, what up to Wale & The whole DMV my nig.. & Shoutout to Shy Glizzy yo man, we gotta collaborate one day, but if you don't wanna, then its cool homie, Yeah it is what it is,..Imma still keep it g wit ya..
Noo, I won't steal yo chain, Imma just keep moving along & just mind my business mane..Ayoo..
I got 1,2,3 pre rolls stuffed that I ain't even had to touch,yo woman came over & did it for me dawg.. Because Imma ****,Yeah..& she prepared bowls for me too, because Im gangster..Uhh..
I just do what I do keeping it gangster & keep it trill, like a real ***** should..Lets go..Ohh Yeah..

Uhh..(I just do what I do  Yeah2)..I do what I do man..(I just do what I do *****2)..keeping it gangster & trill man..(Yeah I do what I do man2)..Yeah..(I do what I do..Yeah2)..I just do what I do..Yeah..I do what I do *****..I just do what I do..Oooo,..(Yeah2)..keeping it gangster & keeping it trill.. Ohh,..(I just do what I do Yeah2)..I just do what I do man,..Yeah I do what I do *****,..(Yeah I do what I do man2)..I just do what I do *****..keeping it gangster & keeping  it trill..yeah, yeah..keeping it gangster & trill man..that's what I do Yeah,..(thats what I do man,..Yeah2)..keeping it gangster & trill man, Yeah...
I do what I do man, I just do what I do man, I just do what I do..(Yeah, keeping it gangsta & keeping it trill2)..thats what I do..Yeah..I do what I do..Yeah..I just do what I do Yeah..

(I do what I do, Yeah3).., & nobody else can do what I does, Noo, never they **'s, they weak,they soft, even if I send them a verse they could never be Young Ston,..Noo, they can never be down in my gang, Noo they can't smoke or drink wit me, not even yo broad, because she's had you..yo she's infected wit a ***** ***** syndrome.. So noo I don't want the **, for real dawg, Yeah that's for sure..Uhh..
I'm (keeping it trill *****2) & I'm (keeping it gangster2).. Yeah like I should,Yeah that's for show,..Yeah I'm (keeping it trill *****2) & I'm (keeping it gangster2)..like that's all I know..that's real, & that's for sure...Oh..
I just do what I do, Yeah I do what I do..I just do what I do,..(I do what I do2)..I just do what I do..
OFTR (Yeah ******3)..Yeah..Young Ston

sleepless nights
sleepless night
sleepless nigh
sleepless nig
sleepless ni
sleepless n
sleepless
sleeples
sleeple
sleepl
sleep
slee
sle
sl
s
sl
sle
sl­ee
sleep
sleepi
sleepin
sleeping
sleeping a
sleeping al
sleeping alo
sleeping alon
sleeping alone
sleeping alone.

where are you when i need you most?
when the day has reached it's twilight
and the bitter night creeps through my house.
the pitter-patter of little feet has become
the stimpy-stomping of little monsters.
the chitter-chatter of nig-nig-nagging
is constant in my ear.
oh, heineken, heineken, heineken.
were you but a woman, i would flee this world
and steal you away as paris took helen.
we would spend day and night in each other's embrace.
i would sing praises and songs in your honor
and the world would stand back and marvel
at the love between us.
but, you are not a woman, but still i long for
the feel of your firmness in my hand,
your wondrous good taste chasing worry away.
i would drink you and all of your companions
and dance/prance/stumble to the bathroom
as if in heaven.
the pitter-patter would turn to clinking of bottles.
the chitter-chatter would turn to clicking of caps.
but alas, i am merely dreaming and sober.
and tonight you are in the hands of another.
tomorrow, i will venture and seek you out.
oh heineken, you will soon be mine.
mine all mine, the world will tremble with my
drunken laughter.

My ***** are big,
So I smoke a cig,

And dig like a nig

I was knockin' back icy, Iron City brewskies & havin' lesbian flings
after curing my chronic arthritis with the toxin of paper wasp stings
I was eager to know how the Pope strung love's curative bee strings

a minor amnesia - nonetheless it happens,
there's another word for it...
skleroza: spontaneous forgetfulness...
this fickle creature that's memory...
thankfully i have a stash of about 5 major memories
that i like to revisit...
play them over and over in my head...
since... i'm not on the crux of death...
well... since i'm not...
i have become more prone to exercise
the freedom of memory than i might want
to watch a movie...
trouble comes when i'm not my own d.j.,
in a car... heading toward... ******* IKEA...
in Enfield... where the phlegmatic crew of
dodo are this close | | to learning the arithmetic
of time...
a song on the radio... Belinda Carlisle...
circle in the sand...
in between talking with my father...
                  nothing metaphorical about that...
- so you know how old bob marley was
when he died? 36...
- you think he would still be touring?
well... he wouldn't need the money...
**** jagger does it for the joy...
          
i can't write narratives...
it's not like we're estranged...
but... it's complicated...
i think this is one area of my life i will keep
off-limits when writing...
i can be as honest about ******
as i can be about horses...
the narrative never took place...
believe me...
we talked about a range of things...
morgage

then when we came home an hour
later than expected...
she (dearest mother)
was probably drinking alone...
throwing little tantrums of me and father
alone time...
well... not to mention he was absent
from the most crucial years of my life...
from 4 till 8...
how does the ugly side of immigration
look like? brain-drain...
we: the diaspora members...
away from the motherland...
for the "better life"...
i too am playing catch-up...
how did ol' Leo frame it?
every happy family is the same...
but every sad family is sad uniquely:
in it's own unique way...

   get Wittgenstein to sort this
tautology... i'm not going to bother...
come to think of it... it's not even
a tautology... a tautology would be more
focused on thesaurus rex...

we had a conversation about football
and music... re-mortgaging...
even Bowie remained true to music...
he probably didn't tour...
but still made new content...
singing about mortality and ****...
i think i'm having this playback moment
in my head...

but then this song came on the radio...
magic fm... belinda carlisle...
circle in the sand...
all of a sudden i had this urge to listen
to a song, that song reminded me off...
oh hell... exactly: what was it?
the search began with: 'the message'...
mc-****-fartery...
      round and round...
jokes aside... i had to listen to belinda's
song on earphones once more
before the "revelation"...

  it seems obvious... "now"...

nik ******* kershaw - the riddle...

exactly... how did i get "the message" wrong?
two strong arms... blessings of Babylon...
blah blah: toe-tying-riddle...
almost like good luck is expected...

come to "think" of it...
a revelation... even though there's that monotheistic
focus on the patriarch...
puppet... strings...
missing *******...
i'm having a hard time not thinking
that ha-shem... the nameless father of hey-zeus
and the ha-ha-mighty blah-lah-al
are not... primarily... feminine gods...
well... conjured up from a ****
rather than a working 'ed...

they're irrational... and can be reduced down
to... the three heads of Cerberus...
they are never really depicted...
worded sleuth pulp fiction harlequin traps...
most artists?
oh **** me... even the ****'ites would agree...
get your eyes to focus on something...
that's how much i dare to admire Islam...
from the ****'ite perspective...

what ******* topic is this?
i was about to pour myself another drink
and this thought like a blitzkrieg came
flushed from a ******* in the universe
where all the gods and nothings
congregate from indigestion and
constipation...
a ******* miracle: a diarrhoea moment...
of sorts...
the monotheistic veneer... of "patriarchy"...

what?! she wants a ring of gold
and my ******* too?
how about a tent's worth of a kippah
on my ******* tonsure?
a man would require a screwdriver...
a hammer... nails... screws...
it would make sense to have many
involved... than this pressure of solipsism...
vampire... succubus... leech...
a ****** hail mary...

**** speak...
                    so great... the technological advances...
atheistic secularism...
but there's a ******* grid-lock to mind too...
no a ****** dam...
a rich cognitive custard...
it's just that: a cognitive custard...
like Moses rekindling a belonging concept
along the lines of being lied to:

monotheism hardly serves man...
i can find appeals to the illusion it presents...
but... hardly...
looks like the "plenty of fish in the sea"
metaphor is drying up the concept
of a "catch"...

the conversation with my father are
off-limits in my purpose of writing in the first
place... unlike a Knausgaard...
i'm the drinker... he's the teetotaller...
he's the workhorse i'm the... chicken-scratcher:
if i had ink...
but i'm also probably ten beaks pecking
resounding at this... grand... oh my god...
******* piano of QWERTY...

genius idea... what?
qwerty... because the orthodox memory erosion
of the alphabet is of any use?
suddenly everything has to **** me off...
it has to be dipped in still water...
it has to be believable...
monotheism is concretely a religion
designated for the preservation of women...
why my *******?
oh... because if you don't have it...
i can... ******* at a leisurely pace?

that a woman can ******* without inhibitions...
while i have to be shamed?
*******, *******...
i don't even have enough slander to express
what my heart reacts to these days...
i don't have "hurt" feels...
i have... agitated feelings...
thank you for waking me up from my numb...
apathy...
but what do i hear? "hurt feels"...
****'s sake... those people don't even recognise
what feeling is supposed to feel like!
they're all french footballers... "hurt" all of a sudden...
wow! so...
"hurt" is translated into the parameters of:
feeling per se?
imagine my shock finding out that
apathy has dulled "i.q." to so little that...
you must be hurt to feel...
you can't be spontaneously agitated...
you must be hurt...

bring out the hot horseshoes...
let's have some fun branding these *******-waggling-
***** aside...

just wait for the breeders to wake up
to having children that turn into freely-arranged
agents of will...
i'm passing through a decade where there's
boasting...
but sooner rather than later...
there will be some hidden mention
of those... pickled-cabbage:
why do the 'indus find pickled cabbage
"funny"?
not eating beef sounds pretty funny...
or like that "proverb" from Morocco:
there's no water, in the desert...
then... what... the... ****... are... you...
"doing" in this, here... land of replenished
roots?!

******* camel jockeys...
what do "they" call them, proper?
sand-*******...
it would take a Bengladesi to get
smart notes on the caste "system"....
Aryan has no origin in Europe...
it probably originated in Indian when
they first came across Persians...
who are... oddly... "pale"...
but have not bartablondine aspects
of their ****** expressions...

ivory skinned like an Iranian or a ***-
without a suntan?
"you" wanted trenches...
here's my designated plot...
"you" wanted ******* to overshadow
real.. culprit-esque concerns...
the jealousy of a woman
knows not bounds...
most especially when a father-son
privacy is engaged with...

   if i ever encountered male jealousy...
it was always rare...
almost never...
         but female jealousy? anything...
everything to belittle the opposing "authority"...
ha-shem... the jealous deity of women...
blah-lah-al of...kept secrets stashed in the niqab...
allure of the ******* eyes...
come on...

****** ******* mary:
that matriarch of sold foetuses and
walking abortions...
at least there was something adventerous
in conceiving the existence of Loki...
of Thor...
there's nothing... original about the point
of monotheistic gods...
that there are three...
is Islam the truest of religions?!
they had a Sunni ****'ite schism... didn't they?
once again:
i want to believe in something:
to give me momentum...
give be a willing acceptance to excuse...
an overarching stressor of incredulity...
and a... "what life"?

well... existence is...
out of every instance: a persistence to:
instance... a persistence...
that's... existence... ex-
out of...
and stance...
dis-ease... a negation of ease...

there will be plenty more of those car
journey listening to magic fm...

an "original": whether mind, or thinker...
that mythology of evil that the Nazis provided...
******* Armani suits and boots...
or whoever designed them... Hugo Boss...
what are we left with,
to mind matters of collectivism?
the evil of censorship instigated by...
halfwits and ******* haemophiliacs?

a myth of evil that could be...
galvanised... momentum and emblem...
what's on offer... currently?
grey-suits and...
expectations: that it's the "21st century"
something magical is about to happen...
what's the difference between the 20th century
and the 18th century?
the 19th century...
so what's the difference between
a pebble, a cliff edge and a mountain?
don't know... a river? a lake?

that same **** different cover excuse
like some wonderful was going to happen
in the 21st century...
like there was a promise...
where is this **** coming from?!
oh yeah... but it's the 21st century...
i was hoping for gravity to ******* and turn all:
short-circuit awry...

i can pretend... for a while...
but after that while passes... i turn into a real mystery
of a door **** gone berserker...
are there these societal expectations
to simply **** **** the next...
blow the next... ******* origami of OXFAM
purple-fest whimpering "dead-doughnut":
although i'd cry... if it was a stray dog
from the streets of Seville...
******* camel-jockeys...

  it's not even a inhibited play on pronouns:
there's no: "they"...
i thought the trans-lobbyist covered the plug-hole
of cognitive-****...
there is not "us" or "them":
gender neutral is me...
armed with a strap-on ***** on my ******* forehead...
a bit like... that hebrew practice of...

so i had me a "friend: a fwend...
maybe that's cornish for something in velsh...
you know how word salad sounds?
on a persistence?
sure... a son of divorce...
what am i? his ******* uncle?
his mother undermined the concept
of al dente spaghetti...
we're talking fractions of people...

people eat ****... leave the universal utility
of pork aside...
mind you: not water in the desert...
and not piggy too...
the leather shoe... the belt...
it's not exactly kosher... is it?
i have this backlog of a peoples...
at least a priest only attracts confessions...
i'm not at knife point
easy... for this triad to work?

if my fwend mentioned cognitive custard...
but the concensus of word salad
is socially broke on the norm...
so blah blah boo'yah assortment...
enriched strawberries...
juicing much later...
i can understand cognitive custard... pie...
but a word salad?
that's.... what doesn't deviate from
solipsism... this solo "project"
of "you and i"...

                       psychiatry is persisting to be
deemed a branch of
the Hippocratic oath....
but it's not...it's pseudo-"medicinal"...
it's hyped-up... idon't remember
that junction in a life...
hardly worth lived... just lived...
of my 20s... what mea culpa stressor of
those psychopaths?
currents under the broken wheel of...
attempts at supressing..
momentum? this whole ******* "flake"
of barrage?

by word salad you're implying i
have, speak... low i.q....
    non-hieroglyphic suede...
non-answerable... past replica...
woe wow salad...
but how i understand it...
a cognitive custard...
well... thinking is messy:
you ******* dim-wits!
        ought-i: thought...
i don't like being ridiculed...
or expected to her a less i.q. than what's...
nuanced at a ****** favouritism... Balkan-esque...
seriously... *******: before i ****** someone...
ugh attached to that: wind... now there's a purpose...

yeah... so what's what?
this is the least of my "concern"?
well... as they say in the west...
as long as the brain-drain happens...
we can forget about keeping the native 9 to 5ams...
sort of... but hardly... justifiably...
less than expectedly...
capitalistically boast: not exhausted...
sort of...

i can understand cognitive custard...
meddle some more...
word salad?
your ******* ****- nig-
of sorts is speaking your language better than me?
******* sour crass of a native's ***!
*******...  and you deserve it.

A dope gangsta is when you can slang dime sacks
Everyday of the week
While his honey-dip struts her stuff
Making sure she's at her absolute peak
If I ever get caught
I'll spend some more time at the central booking house
Hopefully, my homie will stick to his alibi
That's if he's able to, use all of his nous

You've got a head you can't think with
An eye you can't see with
***** you can't play with
Your neighbours an RRR hole
And your best friend is a total pussie

My britch loves to slip my Charles Dickens
Into her wet and shaved vertical smile
It's always a different position every night
And she always creates, a smile on my dial
She don't ever scream, when I slide it into her chocolate starfish
She’ll take one for the team, ya know what I mean?
You just wish ya momma was just like mine
Who never minds ya licking her dish, ever so clean

You've got a head you can't think with
An eye you can't see with
***** you can't play with
Your neighbours an RRR hole
And your best friend is a total pussie

Back home where every man is a potential enemy
Every woman a potential ***
There is not one hip-hop star today
Who has original street cred, you know
They're not street, they're just five star suite
Sleeping with girls who think they’ve got hot figures
At least I've walked the walk and everybody knows
I ride for my *** smoking, motley crew of nig-gas

You've got a head you can't think with
An eye you can't see with
***** you can't play with
Your neighbours an RRR hole
And your best friend is a total pussie

Uhh..God bless all the real ones mane..
ONLY FOR THE REAL ENTERTAINMENT..

Aye (I'm pimping3)..pimping..Uhh,Yeah..(I'm pimping4)..(pimping..I'm pimping..I'm pimping3)..Uhh,Aye
..(I'm pimping4)..Yeah mane..Uhh..(I'm pimping3)..pimping,..
Young Ston..Only For The Real mane,..Yeah
(I'm pimping4)..pimping
/(I'm pimping2)...the industry like Bishop Don Juan mane,Yeah/2
Yeah,..(I'm pimping3)..like the bishop....Yeah mane..(I'm pimping3)..pimping, like Bishop Don Juan homie..Yeah, I'm pimping the industry, they ain't gone play me..(I'm pimping2)..like the Bishop.. (I'm pimping2)...like Fifty..(I'm pimping2)..the industry just like Don Juan mane, (Aye Yeah I'm pimping3)..I'm..(pimping2)..like Kat Williams....,Yeah mane,aye..(I'm pimping2)..Yeah mane..Aye

Ain't nobody gone play me, they better not even try to homie, ****, I'm way smarter than what I look like mane, I'm too wise to be another industry puppet aye..ain't nobody around me, ******* **** or falling in the white mans society trap..We all surpassing the **** ****,..
/yeah..(I'm pimping3)/2
Like   Bishop Don Juan my *****,..
/yeah..(I'm pimping3)/2
Like Fiffty..
I **** so hard, like DJay.., I'm the Mack mane call me Goldie.., no free me, because I'm never getting caught homie, I'm dodging the police..like, El Chapo mane.. **** the laws homie.Imma **** my nig..dawg..I grew so fast at a very young age,**** I had to why wait...Yeah I had to get my **** together sooner than later mane. No more kidding around homie,..Aye, I wanted to put all of my depression under my feet so I could get  my mind right mane, so I started smoking the pacc at 15 mane, I was kinda going down the wrong street, God had to correct me, Thank you so much Heavenly Father, you always pleases me..Ayo..
I'm pimping the industry like Bishop Don Juan mane..Aye..


Aye (I'm pimping3)..pimping..Uhh,Yeah..(I'm pimping4)..(pimping..I'm pimping..I'm pimping3)..Uhh,Aye..Yeah
(I'm pimping4)..pimping
/(I'm pimping2)...the industry like Bishop Don Juan mane,Yeah/2
Yeah,..(I'm pimping3)..like the bishop....Yeah mane..(I'm pimping3)..pimping, like Bishop Don Juan homie..Yeah, I'm pimping the industry, they ain't gone play me..(I'm pimping2)..like the Bishop.. (I'm pimping2)...like Fiffty..(I'm pimping2)..the industry just like Don Juan mane, (Aye Yeah I'm pimping3)..I'm..(pimping2)..like Kat Williams....,Yeah mane,aye..(I'm pimping2)..Yeah mane..Aye

Yeah.., I'm pimping the game, while these other musicians too ***** & afraid to spit the truth mane, but not me homie, its my job to let my ****** know whats real, instead of influencing them in a back of a hearse man, Yeah..
Im feeding yall ****** life instead of death, so listen clearly,.. Yeah *****, I'm preaching , Yeah I'm preaching (Yeah2)..Only The Holy Spirit coming through me..Only wisdom coming, outta my mouth mane,..,Im blessing the street ****** with knowledge, Aye.Yeah..
OFTR no false claiming my gang or you will get delt wit discreetly mane, if you know what that mean, just stay lo key away from me.
..Yeah OFTR,.
I does this for my family, we standing tall against, Satan Yeah..(I'm pimping3)..pimping.. Like Kat Williams..Aye,

Yeah..I'm pimping the industry like Bishop Don Juan mane..(Yeah*2)...
I'm pimping.. Uhh, This is my story,..,show & tell, so I'm only telling yall real ****..let's get it man..Yeah..Aye..
I'm pimping...

(Yo3)..let's go..Ohh stunning
(I'm stunning4)..Aye, Yeah..(stunning2)..
(I'm stunning5)..stunning..Yeah ..stunning..
..(I'm stunning2) when they said I wouldn't, stunning.. (I'm stunning2)..stunning..(I'm stunning2)..when they thought I couldn't..I'm stunning..Yeah stunning..
(I'm stunning4)..when they thought I wouldn't..(I'm stunning..3)Yeah stunning.. (I'm stunning4)..when they said I couldn't..
/(I'm stunning3)..Yeah stunning/2
(Stunt3)..forget a doubter, get yo money, Yeah dawg,..(stunt2)..on them ***** made busters..(stunt2)..prove em all wrong..Uhh Yeah dawg

OFTR my ***** we camed from the bottom, now we here stunning no Drizzy Drake ****, I write my own lyrics, Yeah man, its so easy homie,Uhh,Yeah  I can write a song up real quick in under 5 minutes my nig, so if you need a verse , hit me up then dawg, I know you see it, Yeah I know they can see me now,..Aye
They doubting while I'm  believing, & cheifing, they so blinded by all of the **** ****, they so confused mane Ayo  forget going the ***** made way towards the fame, Imma boss player Imma real gangsta, Imma Outlaw Yeah Imma true player..so forget ******* up to Satan
Cuhz I only worship Jesus,Yeah mane, all of my prayers goes to the Heavenly Father & that's it Yeah..
(I'm stunning2)...the right way without bowing down to the white man..Aye

Yeah (I'm stunning2)..I'm..(shinning2)
brighter than a new pair of white forces,Yeah.. I'm stunning Im shinning brighter than a diamond (Yeah2)..mane
So what, they gotta say about me now homie ****,they can't say...(nothing2)..Aye, I'm stunning, I'm shinning brighter than the streets lights at night, man yo..
These ***** *** artist should be sponsor by Little Debbie, they some sweet ***** ******, all in they feelings, they ain't even from these streets my *****, they false claiming.. They all bout to get (bang2)..mane for real, Aye..

Noo, they can't see me, I be hurting they eyes, that's how bright..(I shine2)..Aye, I prove them all wrong my *****, I had no job, I usta to be posted up at my home *****, I stayed in my room *****, in my zone *****, I felt so all alone *****, I only had my family but Thank God for them, they taught me not to trust having friends homie, because friendships never last, its alot of snakes out here yeah, so watch out, keep yo eyes peeled man..Yeah..

Forget having a girlfriend to my *****, Noo, I don't got alot of time here to be spending my time waisting it wit a nasty *****..Uhh man just keep sending me more beats & Imma eat em up then **** hits out mane, Young Ston..***** Yeah I'm stunning on them..man I'm demanding my respect, Aye I'm way stronger than Superman, I go so hard , Yeah I'm the man, I go in , no I can't quit, Yeah..(I'm that *****2)..that you don't ever wanna disrespect, Aye stank ******* stay the hell away from my face, aye don't be all in my space in my way, Yeah..*****, Aye..
If you ever had something bad to say about me, you'll gonna be sorry, Yeah I bet you will you regret it, Yeah *****..(I'm stunning2)..for the little kids that ain't ever had nothing..

Aye, look up to me young *****, stop crying & stop pouting pick yo head up stop looking down man, keep running towards the end of the race, even when you are in last mane, keep pushing forward lil homie, don't give up, don't give in..just keep moving.. (Yeah2)..life  is a big test so if you just put forth in a little effort into succeding it in well in the end dawg, yeah when the end comes man you will win & its all gonna get better, Yeah..
So stay strong younging..Uhh, Young Ston yeah Imma 90s baby, but I spit ether tho homie, ain't no competing wit my lyrics *****..Aye Yeah you can compare me to Moses yeah I write scriptures, yeah I speak what the people need man, for real Yeah..



Ohh stunning
(I'm stunning4)..Aye, Yeah..(stunning2)..
(I'm stunning5)..stunning..Yeah ..stunning..
..(I'm stunning2) when they said I wouldn't, stunning.. (I'm stunning2)..stunning..(I'm stunning2)..when they thought I couldn't..I'm stunning..Yeah stunning..
(I'm stunning4)..when they thought I wouldn't..(I'm stunning..3)Yeah stunning.. (I'm stunning4)..when they said I couldn't..
/(I'm stunning3)..Yeah stunning/2
(Stunt3)..forget a doubter, get yo money, Yeah dawg,..(stunt2)..on them ***** made busters..(stunt2)..prove em all wrong..Uhh..Yeah dawg


Stunt, prove em all wrong Yeah..(Stunt3)..on them..(stunt3)..Yeah man, we stunning,Let's (stunt2)..We stunning, (stunt*3)
Ohh..Yeah

SUDDENLY Nig McPeters took the wig off his dead mother's head and threw it out the bus window. The passengers were shocked because the bus was struck by lightning. "This is God's doing!" Nig exclaimed as large gerbils attacked his ****** with the ferocity and ferociousness of 23 billion clones of Richard Gere. Later on, after several years had gone by, Nig became the wealthiest man ever to exist anywhere after stealing 12 trillion winning lottery tickets. "You are blessed by God," Nig's ex-lesbian neighbor and lover said 7 months before her ****** exploded from a hand grenade hidden in the rear part of her bikini *******.

This is last part continuing.... Anyways like I was saying I said I'm cocky yes.. Not conceeded there is a diff... Ok I got Greek in me.  You know anything of Greeks .? Their cocky people lol fact is I don't think highly of me . I don't think I'm hott or **** or even best man for any woman fact is I don't feel good enough for any woman.. I feel low like I'm not good enough . but I know I am To God and in working on confidence funny thing is I will be cocky at times I guess Maby overconfidence lol either way who I am like it or not just me...  Anyways I love cuddling with a woman... I call one queen because calling her hunny or love is to plain and human like . I wanna call mine woman queen and let her know she's mine queen... Letting her know that!!! I believe in true romance and true forgiveness when lovers mess up.. Because if u can't forgive your lovers or even others that's not love at. All.. That's not giving noone a chance or benefit of doubt.... But I am true hopeless romance guy lol. I believe it's not about money u can show your lover or your car or house I want one who will love me in a t.p when I'm dead broke with no car job and I'm depressed not one who will give up on me. One who will believe all I say even if its hard to believe at times.. And one who will come to me for ??s instead of others behind me because i can't do that... I seek all openess its who I am... And I'm type OK I ask alot of ?s I've always been like that not from me accusing or not believing u its because since a boy I always asked mummy why? Why mum? I just wanted simple truth answers!!! It's me so I dont mean to hurt ones when I ask ?s its who I am with half human inside of me...... I grew up Baptist still am... I got ina fight over a dear friend of me and me dads who lives around here not saying name keeping him protected. But he was cutting down black people one day kept calling them. Nig..... So I flipped out spoke up against him in front of all people at the pool me flipping out led me to fall in pool and ****** me foot for sticking up to racism. . don't forget I don't hate  the racist just the ideology... So yes now me and guy are cool and guy changed ways *** of me and don't say nor believe that no more... Also more about me no I'm not bragging so u kknow just giving u truth who I am.. The guy who set me up people wanted him dead.... I forgave him. Ran into him at a drug program I think God brought him to me for purpose... Because he said BRANDON I'm so sorry I set you up, I shook his hand and forgave and hugged him and knew why he did it!! See same guy who set me up got busted months before me for ****** dealing cops gave him choice.. Jail prison for ten years. Or set me and 22 peeps up! He choose to see his daughter and set me up.  He was addict as me so I understood and forgave him
Hugged him shook hands... Saw him once twice after that.. But point is I'm not bragging I'm telling u what and who I am friends.... A man who believes in love and forgiving... I have 2 older bros... Ones 33 ones 31 ones in Colorado by grand junction ones in Florida west palm area... O love to wear native rings turquoise necklaces rings .. Also don't care anymore used to be ashamed of this from stigma people got about it... But elsa was first girl I told this to *** I trust her she thinks I don't but I do.I told her elsa ( I lived in a trailer when I was younger for a good while) and I was so embarrassed to tell even best friends that not *** people of trailer park but *** me own pride. Man's downfall.... And because stigma of quote trailer trash but u know what??? Those trailer trash and people in the projects and poor with hardly no money are the most wonderful souls and beautiful people I know. .....  This is me and me own life! God bless love all of u!

Oh PS lol throwing this out here about the number nine
Mine number
It means completion in all religions across the globe+ fun fact
Oh in not materialistic either not who I am
Not all about technology I just want a queen who will write me actual love letters and pick up the old fashioned phone and call me *** I wanna connect to ones voice and soul... I'm alll about connecting souls... And I don't just hold hands like men do limp wise I wanna lock fingers to feel ones spirit connect to me!!!

Seeing the world tune out to their phone and computers when they got a lover right in front of them drives me crazy to see... Just me and who I am old fashioned hopeless romantic!!!

.confined to: on the nigh... look... no surd in sight... no white night... do i need to say a certain word? no... but do i need to write it? well... if you want to take an escapade outside of the realm of dyslexia... sure.

i'm a wordsmith,
i tend to listen...
   better written down
than left
to a simple
conversation...

      ******'s aryan...
how else
to fudge so many
extra letters into
the word

          nigerian?

or maybe it has
something to do
with reading a book
review
by trevor phillips...

a book entitled
white fragility...
by robin diangelo...

               akin to that...
ha ha moment...
   when you spot
the vowel-catcher
aspect
of the tetragrammaton
and the, base,
for laughter...

can't seem to hinge
laughter on any other
consonant, other than
the H...

           sure: in hebrew that
amounts to saying
in English: the the the...
point?
    closure...

was i ever wrong in saying,
and abiding by
a non-dialectical
observation:
   a jazz record sounds
best...
   on vinyl...

jazz on a bus...
  a ring to it, doesn't it just
have it, the missing G
in a word like:
the Niger river...

oh right, that song...
not Oliver Costello's
oliver army...
rhymes with trigger...
on 1585AM radio...

they didn't hush
the word...
as would be the case on
FM radio...
i think that's
the right frequency...

i spent an hour sitting
in a car in a car park
outside the vets...
a cat in a car is like
a man about to fly
in a space-shuttle...
   the windows steamed-up
like that *** scene
from the movie Titanic...

billy joels':
we didn't start the fire...
belgians in the congo...
apocalypse now,
             heart of darkness,
joseph conrad...
         more like:
belgians in england...
          these days...
belgians in portugal...
        
the added G...
****... at least i'd be identified
with a Latin word
for black...
flag pole... the north pole...
******: grr...
         just one more word
you can add to speaking
a foreign tongue...

1 hour... sitting in a *******
car...
   can i drive one?
no! but i can ride you a horse...
how's that?

i had to lazily fathom
my... inability to dream,
or feel anything profound...
like making baby-steps
in a ******
that's supposed to be a heart...

well... if everyone is going
to be so ******* honest...
suicidal thoughts?
  oh, plenty of them...
   it's the only way to
contemplate mortality,
overshadowing an aspect
of god to send out Samael...

        well...
seeing how i ate the pain
of the four knuckle burns
from a cigarette
and enjoyed it?
           yeah...
that's weird:
     having the capacity
to enjoy pain...
                 it's like:
i want to feel what these
****-sodden *******
of a 14 year old girl
feel like...
     when cutting....
        the sad truth being:
               burning leaves
       you with tattoos...      

still, lazily budding with
a variant of sado-masochism...
           if there's pleasure
to be gained from...
   over-exposure to
the nerves...
           being recipient
of a...
                        impetus?

the fear of clenching
your teeth before
falling alseep...
in fear of a quasi-epileptic
spasm...
     fun days, and night...

hello the Chernobyl
winds...
             that year...
when the local park
experienced a curiosity...
when an atomic wind
passes?
  strips of trees...
roughly 10 metres
unaffected...
   rought 10 metres
decaying or...
speeding up from spring
into an autumnal
allure...
                  
  and this... this wasn't even
in Ukraine...
     head further,
north, across the border...

why i've come to enjoy
pain?
       a male ****** was
only ever so-so...
          what...
having to pull back
the *******...
   revealing the perfect
*****-****...
         because of two
protruding veins
being the reason for
not being given the:
             snippet treatment?

a hour, sitting in a ******* car...
apparently i gave off
a stench of a brewery...
filled the car with
toxic fumes of
the previous night's
whiskey consumption...

and i look at gambling
and think...
   yeah... i gamble...
i take a liter of whiskey
with me to bed...
chances are: i'll wake up
the next day... 3:1 ratio of me being
right about that...

     so...
   racism... race realism...
   very racist of me,
i somehow managed
to "bribe" a black girl
   with my up-stairs
doing it in the dark
on a leather sofa in a bedroom
while entertaining
a few guests who
managed to bother
a birthday part of me...
"bribed" her by providing
a decent stealth of cocktails
and cedric IM brooks',
notably the song
satta masa ganna...

   i do appreciate that classical
music lasted for
let's figure this out...
Vivaldi (1678)
Bach (1685)...
   vaughn Williams (1872)...
roughly 300 years...
        jazz?
             how long was that?
i'm not going to check,
i want to be guided by
some variant of ignorance
in... making general statements...
50 years?
           nig(g)er dropped
the ******* trumpet!

before it was rap,
it was a rhapsody...
            and i have...
0 colonial ancestry in me...
so... of course i'm not
excused...
         but you're just black,
while i'm a ******* flag pole...
and the people
most acutely aware to
any verbal transgressions?
they're the ones who
have no ******* puddle
for a soul behind the facade
of a smiling face.

racism contra race realism...
hmm...
       sounds like something
from an existentialist menu
that's... *******...
          hot... like a bagel
from a brick lane bakery!

never to be a convert
to rap, 'ere...
                reggae...
anything by culture
or isreal vibration...
who's who and who isn't
culturally appropriating
what?
         bunch of ******* schizos,
trapped on Jamaica,
thinking the Ethopians
are the 13th or is it the 14th
tribe is Juda?

i'm just a ******...
   shying away from
a Germanic heritage...
  ****... i'll just have
to butcher mein deutsche
for the, tickling thrill of it all!
and speak anglo-sax!

Nig McJanuary took his aunt's hand and placed it in the oven. “She
was a good woman whose hand will supply a delicious treat for my
23 frogs.” Several scary years after that Nig was accused of being a
“blasphemous pervert” by a gay Catholic bishop who was drunk on
marijuana. Nig began to hate marijuana a lot because he was so sad
that the bishop was his dad and so 1 Wednesday, while his 7 hyper-
fat step-sisters were having harmless abortions, Nig bent a steel bar
with his green front teeth to impress a dentist who turned into a gay
homosexual right in front of everybody who was there in the bright
waiting-room having their front teeth harmlessly extracted and then
the dentist violently exploded because he was torn between 2 queer
lovers from Algeria or some other ****-hole place where morons eat
mice, fleas, Cheerios & frog rectums for breakfast, lunch & supper.

Wide awake in a room
swallowed by darkness,
my body is cloaked
with the haunting grasps
of a memory.

A recognition of a bruise,
though the damage is spectral,
the revival of the thought
hurts my corporal vessel.

Causing apparitions of a dark figure,
slowly emerging to my body.
trying to hold me as it envelops
its ghastly form.

It whispers words
that took long to forget,
blurring my mind
as images conspire around me,
rebirthed in the flames in which
i burned them to death.

Slowly, i weaken
until i am fully constricted,
giving in to the thought,
to the figure, to the memory.

Falling asleep.

Tt trying to st ay awak e   but
i  d rath errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr fall asleep
            t haan to be haunted
  for  theeeerest of the nig h  t                                     .

SUDDENLY Nig McPeters took the wig off his dead mother's head and threw it out the bus window. The passengers were shocked because the bus was struck by lightning. "This is God's doing!" Nig exclaimed as large gerbils attacked his ****** with the ferocity and ferociousness of 23 billion clones of Richard Gere. Later on, after several years had gone by, Nig became the wealthiest man ever to exist anywhere after stealing 12 trillion winning lottery tickets. "You are blessed by God," Nig's ex-lesbian neighbor and lover said 7 months before her ****** exploded from a hand grenade hidden in the rear part of her bikini *******.

I don't write love songs no more
You then ask what is this for
I said that I really don't know
But either way would you come home
                               come home
                                                       come home
                                                            ­        
....Yeah yeah yeah yeah
Yeah yeah....

Baby I got it and no not ironic
The way that I see you go way past the logic
All of the girls in they summer dresses
Got me rappin' without none of the stresses

Blessings on blessings I'm countin' them: Chance
Sonnets to hip-hop that modern romance
Fly me to China, I teach you Setswana
Drinking that wung zai 'cause batho ra tshwana-

Pink: pretty girls like trap music
Think: of who got dat music make movements-
That's me, that's real, any other nig gotta deal
got 'em feels, give 'em tissues, take no issues, under heel-

Step on 'em: let 'em know that I'm only one
Tell on 'em: got the screenshots say I'm the one
Did on 'em- right **** I hit 'em with dat beat
Pretty picture model sisters never follow though like you

See I got you boo
Like no one else luh you

Some people want it all
But I just want you

Yeah, I got you boo
Like no one else luh you

I also got dem views- and ****-
all of dem views's you


                                              *

What was the joke that we thought was so funny?
Can I hear it again? Can it touch me at night
and make me feel again?

There has been so much **** I been through my entire life you couldn't understand half of it because you played your role in it as well I pray to God that I have grown up to become wise because otherwise I would have been weeping in my tears over here soul If I sat here and told you the beginning ****** and ending you would think it's pointless for me to do that but that's what happens when you give someone your heart. Two years I wasted. It meant nothing to me lie after lie excuse after excuse I don't even know if you could be honest to yourself. How can you say you love me when you love another girl twice as much. How can you say you want to be with me forever when you practically started a family with another girl. I may not be good at dividing but I'm hella good at adding. I just don't see why you did it. But at the same time I don't understand why boys do half the stuff they do. But yet "these girl ain't loyal" I had your back like like I thought you had mine. So how you think you can just creep back into that locked door and apologize to take me back. 'Naw boo' you had your chance now I'm gone so don't come looking back for love. You hurt me like no other nig** did but it's all good because imma keep on moving be classy and graceful. I don't let no one put fear in my heart neither let me down. I do me 100% I smile, I frown. I sit with my head down but I never let my crown fall. So while you out her "riding and flexing" as what is said nowadays I'm sitting with my legs crossed because that's what a real queen is. I'm not the one that's going to lie to you and tell you that I miss you because there's no more loving me.