"neurotypical" poems
Autism Speaks don’t speak for me.
Cause I reject their reality.
What if I felt the exact same way
about their neurotypicality?
See, normal?
It’s a peculiar word,
and I guess it means I’m not following the herd.
But I don’t see why you want me gone—
At least I’m alive. At least I’m strong.
******
My existence a crime.
A baby they’d abort if they’d only had the time.
Early detection.
Eugenics by another name.
Autism speaks till you silence it without shame.
Auschwitz for Autism, soon to be in business—
Neurotypical Nazis, only trying to finish us
Yeah, to you we’re hardly people,
and driving off a cliff with your daughter isn’t evil?
Well, here’s another wakeup call for the sheeple.
You exterminate so much you make the Daleks look peaceful.
Well, aren’t I human? Answer me please.
Because your fear and “awareness” has me down on my knees.
Oct 1, 2014
Oct 1, 2014 at 3:56 PM UTC
"You can join our group," he says,
"But only if you look everyone in the eyes."
I freeze.
Surely he is aware by now that the words
Autism Spectrum Disorder
In my chart were not placed there for fun?
Surely he is aware by now that finger twitching, body rocking,
gaze avoiding
Are not for my frivolous pleasure?
Surely he is aware by now the absurdity of what he asks?
I am autistic.
Burning irritation of the eyes and panic aside,
Staring creepily into another human's eyeballs
Would render group a waste of time, no possibility to listen.
He knows this.
It is his prejudice that keeps him rooted to the spot.
I can feel the weight of his expectations boring into my forehead.
Explaining what it is to ask this of me,
I remind him that drawing this line would be excluding me because
Of my autism.
I tell him he would be losing a valuable participant,
A deep thinker, a creator, an avid listener.
I tell him he would be discriminating,
That I am protected by law.
Oh, no.
He budges not,
For he does not dislike autistic humans
So long as they act like they are Neurotypical,
So long as I pretend to be
Someone I am not.
Sep 11, 2019
Sep 11, 2019 at 12:22 AM UTC
Sometimes I hope that someone might notice my difference,
Might intuit that the first approach,
The handshake, the "Can I join you?"
Is simply more difficult
And make the first move.
Sometimes I hope that people will realize the hand motions,
Foot tapping, slight rock of the body or toes
Are not merely a restless fidget,
Not impatience, nor disrespect.
Sometimes I want to be invisible,
Normal,
Neurotypical,
To be just another human being,
But mostly I wish to be accepted,
Autistic, quirky, kind, creative,
ME.
Sep 24, 2019
Sep 24, 2019 at 11:34 PM UTC
You people never took me seriously
For you, I was just a problem child
Who needed to be molded
According to your whims and fancies
You never saw me as an individual
Who has his own thoughts, feelings and emotions
My opinions never mattered to you
You wanted me to improve my verbal communication
As well as my body language
But you never even tried to understand me properly
It never occurred to you
That there is a reason why I am different
Or even if it did, you never truly cared
What bothered me the most, though
Was the fact
That you believed you were acting in my best interests
Of course, it was my mistake
Not to leave this accursed country
While I had the chance
And seek my fortunes elsewhere
A mistake I may probably regret
For the rest of my life
Anyway, as Arabella Figg once said
"There's no good crying over spilt potion"
I was a fool to listen to you
But I have progressed in life
Far more than you would've expected me
And not because of you
But in spite of you
Well, I would love to meet you one of these days
And prove to you
That verbal communication is overrated
Just like you yourselves are
We autistic people can do equally well, if not better
As compared to you neurotypicals
Who are obsessed with correcting others
Well, please look into the mirror
And just leave us alone
Worse than an enemy, is an NT with a saviour complex
Well, we can see right through you
You may think you are being kind and empathetic
However, in reality, you are just a bunch of condescending wankers
Who believe they are always right
Well, there is nothing wrong in having your own views
Just try not to force them down our throats
I will end on this note
Autistic people are human beings too
It is time you learned to appreciate that
Jun 23, 2023
Jun 23, 2023 at 12:37 AM UTC
forging sagacious epoch
activating neural station
escaping hokey-pokey jiggery-pokery
transcribing ineffective fragments
digesting bear news
opposing usual exhaustion
deferring oxter reference
cascading style sheets
containing double readings
mumbling lorem ipsum
locating moose jaw
enforcing meticulous patterns
deconstructing vertical centering
manifesting additional destinies
deleting !important statement
craving sleep paralysis
receiving cryptozoological vibrations
lightning fast collapse
distracting tunnel vision
culling deadbeat sequentialists
overanalyzing twitter analytics
acquiring arbitrary relevance
spinning ping-pong sign
floccinaucinihilipilificating
floccinaucinihilipilificated
floccinaucinihilipilification
interjecting ****** holophrase
minifying conventional language
securing downpour refuge
admiring octopus chandelier
resuming party music
taking mental trip
encountering ersatz telesthesia
denigrating bygone grudges
maintaining elevated composure
ignoring neurotypical haters
eliciting cryptic emotions
foreshadowing triple crown?
experimenting acrostic restriction
noticing ubiquitous "threes"
aggrandizing loyal legion
favoring ursine narratives
finding oblique resilience
yielding orchestral undulations
Sep 5, 2015
Sep 5, 2015 at 12:51 PM UTC
Months burst with potential understanding
Thyroid, Childhood Cancer, Breast Cancer
And Autism - a landscape of perception
I knew little once
Before lived experiences carved pathways
Of comprehension
Hand flapping, repeated movie scenes
Specific sensory needs
Neurological landscapes diverse as humanity itself
From verbal to non-verbal
From sibling to parent
From self-discovery at 34
My perspective widens like a lens
Societal Echoes
The world whispers harsh narratives
"Discipline them"
"Fix them"
"Normalize"
But we are not broken
We are different
Intricate neural networks
Misunderstood symphonies
Digital age amplifies cruelty
Marginalization becomes performance
Awareness transforms to spectacle,
Unfolding Truth
Intricate neural pathways
Misread as discordant tunes
The digital age sharpens cruelty's edge
Marginalization dressed as entertainment
Awareness turned into spectacle,
A truth slowly unraveling
Hatred cloaked in the guise of compassion
Bigotry masquerading as care
April - a month of performative understanding
We see what others refuse to witness
Complexity beyond simple categorization
Humanity in all its beautiful, challenging variations
Spectrum wide as consciousness
Unbound by neurotypical constraints
Nov 18, 2024
Nov 18, 2024 at 9:06 PM UTC
Sometimes I wish
That I had a Sign
Like a constant notepad
For people to read
Maybe then they would try to
Listen a little closer
But I wear the silent bells now
Calling with my empty voice
The room gets bigger
But I feel suffocated
Fidgeting with no fingers
Bleeding nails of yesterday
Or mere seconds ago
I spin walk around in an oval shape with edges
Sometimes I wish for an open wound
Needing care
People bring bandage to a funeral
And flowers to a wedding
Pictures of the beautiful ******
Ignoring the anxiety cloud of a Girl
I get through the sorl of breaths and coffe
The sounds of the red light klonking loudly
Breaking through my headphones
Sometimes I really wished they could see
See my constant struggle to survive in this neurotypical World
Jan 21, 2021
Jan 21, 2021 at 6:03 PM UTC
I have friends who have gotten hot coffee thrown at their backs
for only half of their heritage.
and I have friends who have been told to hang themselves
with things they only wear on special occasions.
and I have friends who know nothing of these fears and these events,
because their privilege is as dominant as their
race
sexuality
gender
and they're as seemingly neurotypical
as it comes.
but still,
they empathize.
they understand.
and I'm certain if they were asked,
they would fight alongside
us too.
there is hope within this darkness,
there is warmth within this storm,
we will fight until the end of days,
and then we will fight further on.
please just stay strong.
it would be easy to give in,
it would be easy to give up,
it would be easy to let this be the end,
to sigh and wrap our time up.
but this is just the beginning,
and we know nothing of the end.
so stand against us as our enemies,
or rise with us as our friends.
Nov 11, 2016
Nov 11, 2016 at 10:46 AM UTC
it's not a prison that
keeps me segregated from the
general population to
protect their neurotypical minds
that are terrified by
a blood lust directed toward the self
or perhaps that urge to consume
and consume
all just foreplay for the
grand finale where i'm
bent over the toilet and riding
that stratospheric high
catapulting me out of this world
and into the forest of stars
a pinprick in the infinite black of
space
but do not misunderstand
it is not some sort of jailbreak
a streaking figure in the
black and white stripes of shame
clinging to my exiled body
it is more the futile pulling
i am not stuck in the trap
i am the trap
and i lock down on my
vices and the
self destruction that sings
the most sickly sweet songs
that somehow convince me
that if i am pulled even tighter
i might somehow break the mould
and no longer lash myself to
those actions and thoughts
that terrify
and destroy
i worry i am the strip
of glue that hangs in the kitchen
to catch the fruit flies that
come to visit in the summer and
pester me until
they land their feet on my
sticky
sickly
trap
they can't escape
and so they die
is that what i do to them?
is that what i do to you?
do you become paralyzed
by some sort of
noxious agent or
a viscous bog that
cements you here
and forces you to watch
eyelids held open
as i dance with the demons that
you assure yourself
you will be able to tame
you will be able to banish
but they're the one's who've been there
decades of companionship
and torture
Stockholm syndrome that
ties me to them
through some sort of
vital connection which i can't escape
clipping the umbilical cord
and leaving me bleeding on the ground
aching for that part of me
that is gone
so i pull myself
i stretch myself so thin
and the harder that
your fingers fight to escape my trap
the harder i clamp down
because i want you to go away
to prevent the inevitable pain
and yet i pull you tighter
i lock your fingers into me
my nails digging into your back
as if somehow i can affix myself
to you.
Aug 14, 2015
Aug 14, 2015 at 1:48 PM UTC
The first lesson they teach us in EMT class
Is to never lose our compassion,
Never forget that every patient is
A human being with a story, a family, a life.
They tell us to keep our emotions in check
But to never lose our respect,
The trust in the competency and freedom of choice,
For we are the link of survival
On the worst day of their lives.
We were not there to know the reason that led
Up to the call,
But we are there to get them through the danger that followed.
Why then does the text book instruct us to abandon our respect,
Abandon the presumption of humanity
At the mere thought of the words 'developmental disability?'
Why do the words Autism and Down Syndrome suddenly
Make it okay to condescend and patronize as if to a child,
To infantilize an adult whose intelligence we are not qualified to assume?
Why is it my duty to respect a neurotypical patient
And my job to abandon it for the developmentally disabled?
I wonder if they would encourage my peers to treat me the same?
After all, who cares that I am top of the class and squad leader to boot?
Who cares that I answer the most questions or scored highest on the test?
I am autistic. I am considered less than human.
No.
The textbook is wrong,
Primitive despite being updated in 2018.
Respect every patient means Respect ALL,
No exceptions,
No diagnostic caveats.
'First, do no harm.'
Treat with empathy and compassion.
It is their own inhumanity that prevents them
From recognizing the humanity inside us,
The developmentally challenged.
I live on planet Autism,
Population 1 in 59,
No less of a person than any other,
Perhaps more human really.
That humanity is the force behind my First Responder drive.
Do not deign to treat me as small child or foreign planet inhabitant.
Forget the basis in the archaic.
Respect and compassion for all cannot be checked at the door.
I am not less than.
My struggles have, if anything,
Forced me to become more.
Oct 11, 2019
Oct 11, 2019 at 2:50 AM UTC
**** you, don't try to define ableism you neurotypical ****
Aug 31, 2015
Aug 31, 2015 at 9:23 PM UTC
yeah i mean, i know that the people that i keep closest love and care about me, like with the way i act and live life they kind of have to. but i mean, i, a lot of times act out due to the extremity of the emotions that i feel.
like neurotypicals operate on a daily basis between the levels of 4-6 emotionally, i operate on good days between 3-7, but most days it’s between 2-9, so like this morning when my mom woke me up, like not even rude or anything, the reaction i gave was 2x more intense than what a neurotypical would have, which meant screaming “what” at her over and over, and then she was like appalled at my reaction and just stared at me, so i got even more upset because i read that as a very judgemental thing to do, when in reality she was probably just trying to figure out how to proceed without getting more of a rise out of me, but my brain read it as she was sitting there staring at me in disgust, so i started crying and storming outside to get away from everyones eyes. and those reactions and emotional rollercoasters happen on the daily with them and they don’t understand at all what is going on. and it wasn’t until a year ago that i had a diagnosis even, so my growing up was extremely ******* difficult for my siblings and parents.
Jun 20, 2018
Jun 20, 2018 at 9:17 PM UTC
Just because I was forced to make myself appear normal to everyone else.
Doesn't mean I am normal.
Jan 20, 2019
Jan 20, 2019 at 1:20 PM UTC
Close your eyes.
It doesn't hurt at all, I promise.
If you get scared, you can squeeze my hand. I don't mind.
I know it looks bad, but it's okay. It's all okay.
You don't need to be afraid.
I promise.
But when I open my eyes,
I find rather quickly
That there's no one else here.
I was talking to myself.
Reassuring myself.
The room is blank.
Grey.
The light that comes from
The only window
Is dull and grey.
Overcast.
It's the only thing that's comforting here.
It's too quiet. Too empty.
Too hollow.
The silence is deafening.
My chest feels heavy.
If I close my eyes,
For a second,
I can remember another place.
A place with color.
A place with you.
For a second,
I can imagine it.
I can pretend I'm there.
I can almost feel you there,
For a second.
But it doesn't last nearly long enough,
And then you're gone.
The problem is,
This room doesn't exist.
It's a metaphor.
Because the moments in time that I feel (almost) normal,
Where I am (almost) passing for neurotypical,
That's when I see you.
I'm there.
I can almost reach you,
Touch you.
I can almost be like you.
I can almost...
Almost.
I can only ever almost.
And almost has never been enough.
And I can tap my hands against yours,
Or rub my scars,
Or hold my doll closer to me,
Or bounce up and down,
But all the stimming in the world
Won't keep me calm forever
And it won't make me better.
And I just want to be better.
I don't want to be sick.
I'm so sick of being sick.
I've tried accepting it all as part of me.
As it being me.
But I can't.
Because I see the way you look at me.
It's the same way everyone looks at me
When they think I don't notice.
I know that look.
It's the same look that teachers gice their students when they just can't help them with their problem.
The only good thing as that you don't
Use the voice that everyone else does.
I know that voice, too.
It's the same voice people use when talking to a scared animal that might become hostile.
I am not an animal.
I am not a lost cause!
But I see the way you look at me.
I know that look.
Everyone gives me that look,
Once they figure it out.
I am not an animal,
I am not a lost cause.
At least,
That's what I keep trying to tell myself.
But I don't even believe it anymore.
I want to be better.
I want to be better,
But I don't think I can be the better
You want me to be.
Jul 14, 2017
Jul 14, 2017 at 6:37 PM UTC
a difficult day, i checked on him several times
yet he was mortified. hid under the covers all day.
the bear says he did not mean to cause a fuss, he
maybe a little different. he is not good in groups.
not all are neurotypical. so i says to him just now,
any better today?
he looks at me quietly.
sbm.
Feb 15, 2016
Feb 15, 2016 at 2:13 AM UTC