I once heard of name,
Am I death?
Because I never heard of it twice,
I never played the game,
I left it to the rest,
I don’t think it’s right that even the dead lose their life,
What is a legacy, if summarized,
Where’s the integrity if gun aside,
Hearing the melodies of summer nights,
Hennessey and jealousy mixing; some will die,
Memory was therapy, now it is Cherokee,
Longevity became cellularity, no longer a friend to prosperity because the scars attached reiterated a son cry,
This all started with a name,
If I’m escaping parliament, how is it logical to feel obligated to my last?
I tried to explain this to my class,
But I wasn’t named “teacher”,
Instead; a preacher,
And I Practiced what I expressed so that part of me; in the past,
Pardon me for showing class,
I did it because of past,
They taught me to see trash,
I taught me to see the math,
They measured success with material, to validate time,
I expressed choice, I measured it by what constituted the spiritual to validate mind,
These structures are constituted by thoughts that no longer serves a purpose,
With all this baggage, it’s inevitable to replace our self,
I feel innovative because I express what we forgot, they act like they never heard of this,
All this action and acting… it’s inevitable to mistake ourselves, un-appreciate, and deviate to a state in which we hate our self,
Personally speaking, I don’t take advice from people less successful to me,
Your thoughts aren’t medicinal if the archetypes that are habitual aren’t transmuting from distressful to a state in which you are happy to be,
That advice just isn’t attractive to me,
It’s more like I’m back tracking to find the root cause of what’s blinding your perception so that I can heal your expression by removing the thought of neglection and oppression so that you are able to think free,
And I don’t mind…
In the process, I’m judged and crucified,
I’ll reiterate; my intentions are to love and unify,
We’re stagnant because of choice,
If there’s silence in the voice, I throw a nudge to refine, that’s freedom for define, I’m bringing the awareness of choice so that it’s possible to decide on what we personally do with life,
I was stabbed in the back and forgave that,
I was stabbed again and almost resorted to my decision making tactics from way back,
Then came another stabbing that had me lying on the floor,
I got up, but couldn’t find my way back,
Then came a love, she needed an eye,
She took that and saw her way out, I let her go,
Leaning on a wall, I bumped into another,
I gave her my other because she’s a passenger; hetero,
Love comes in trinities; currently dependent on sound,
It was all I had to give; then debt arose,
The next love that came just wanted to hear her name,
I chanted Satchitanada, and that became a death note,
In trials and tribulations I resorted to love and nurturement,
I call this an understanding,
I created this path, there was no one to follow in this century,
If you can’t comprehend that then there’s no possible way for you to understand me,
I never had a plan B, I was dependent on faith,
Independent from wave, I road the waves,
I had to experience what others had experienced, and had to remember myself along the way if I ever wanted to see some type of change,
I played the game and had to retain the focus of me, when I attained the focus to see, all this weight pilling, I was losing my ability to breathe; I was getting hostile,  frustrated, thinking about choosing to lose my ability to breathe,
And it’s because I solidified the W to attract enough attention to reiterate me, if I died I’d be apart of the past with the others; they’d appreciate me, saying my name, expressing a memory lane that would bring change the moment you speak…my name and that’s change,
My arrogance seeks credit, convincing ourselves that we’re victims is easy to me,  
It was difficult for me to exist in this world,
That’s why I decided to live,
That’s how I kept my lid,
That’s why I continue to give,
If I’m bringing truth and love, then this awareness becomes easy to see,
I don’t care about no dollar *****,
I don’t care about your opinions on Donald Trump and Obama; Mister,
I care about our species and our galaxies picture,
I care about the success in reaching the state of nirvana and the help from seven sister’s ,
The Pleiades,
Believe in me,
I heard of a name once,
Does this make me dead?
If so, then my rebirth was captured in everything you just read…
Notice the name.

I don’t know if 1 +1 = 2,
If I had to count I’d point at you and you,
I don’t know how to subtract one but if one person leaves I’d be pointing at the one I didn’t lose,
I don’t know how to learn from a book,
I thought knowledge was attained through experience;
How did that turn into labeling kids with disorders; as if the archetypes that are non linear were mysterious,
We call our kids special,
Treat them different,
As if that type of nurturement were helpful;
Baffled, because these types of accusations exploit a misunderstanding that’s serious,
He learned about friendship through Toy Story,
He learned about friendship through war stories,
His imagination gave life to toys; they created the picture after that,
His application made a child a boy; a missing picture was aftermath,
He promised to never forget the love he gave before moving,
He had an obligation to forget the meaning of love before duty,
Friendship was movie,
Friendship was duty,
We may learn different; but are we truly?

We used to take these things slow,
We was too young, we used bowls,
Blunts only came with the shows,
High only came without goals,
Now I don’t even have bros,
And this was the life that I chose,
Love was up under the nose,
Had to let go, I couldn’t show,
Experiences hurt me the most,
What is a home, I am alone,
Finding my life in a post,
It’s cutting close…

Eyes closed; I feel uncomfortable in the physical,
**** me please; I find normal in the mystical,
I don’t mean to be dark but its the psychedelics that make life livable;
Jedi flipping with acid and molly,
The fungi was just a treat,
Confronting thoughts nowadays because earlier we didn’t meet,
Something went wrong; I.e. unbalanced,
Destiny discrete; to meet was an unbound chance,
And I couldn’t time it,
Now every word spoken is a time I didn’t speak,
I try to stretch my mind to find the other reality,
The gravity of this situation is projecting real without me;
Whatever happened to Chinese philosophy,
The time in which I was I and death was life and opportunity expressed divine in a time frame where we were destined to be...

Color me your color baby,
I know where you are,
Cover me your love is fading,
We shouldn’t have been too far,

I’m not happy with the results,
Ignorance is the reason I accept it,
Nothing’s expected, but I’m praying that I eject the next second,
I can only be respected after neglection,
I’m better off expressing a resurrection,
Left too early and life says it’s right,
Lead loaded caskets; well I’ll continue to write,
Left hand can be now, tomorrow’s my right,
Wait…
Happy nation, living in a happy nation,
“where the people understand andd dream of perfect man”;
WAIT...
Where’s my patience; I’m living in a happy nation,
We the people understand andd dream a perfect plan,
And I keep waiting for being to become our way in…

I want to be quiet, this is a crash,
I’m lacking nutrients; that’s my validation on why I’m thinking bad,
I’m thinking pessimistic; “She’s the best I nevver hadd” or “I swear I’m always thinking sad”,
This is the illusion, and I ain’t alluding,
I never picked a side my friend.

I took a breath to channel my inner jedi,
Lili was a witness, however she’d  disagree,
I told her , “we are god”; she had a different belief,
I stopped that ****, the fun guy was keeping me head high; I told her I accepted her the moment she accepted me,
There was a sudden relief,
I was expressing a lesson and received a blessing in the form of treat,
Now I am stuck in disbelief,
Because I literally experienced my mind and became a Jedi,
Existence itself only validated one thing, and that is the existence of me.

We are one as if the sun had forgotten how to set.
Forgetting forgets now what else have I forgotten too forget?

Born heavy as adorned many: objectivity lifts ready existance carried more steady with the fist than a switchblade as to fist crave: yall just manisfest id shame when you spit back like all my family here to spit crack bone in been gripped back when at grown taught to **** Macks;
I'm the R to the Mack Marck M heavy to my fam born carried since Nas dropped the bomb that Eminem levied in so to spit back, like ghost spittin the **** shittin at all emcees here to spit back:
only time you'd get a note outta me relative is when i'm posing for death: like tupac menacing his pelvis still for the ****** levy in neglection in pics wack;
i spit bone quick when it comes to being notorious in a jacuzzi playing sega and super nintendo **** be in disrespect to ever understand that i don't spit thick back.

i flow sick that before i flow spit that between to post ****:
I pose **** to even to boast fits forgotten what the Ohmegaus finds the rest as undereducated life in being in the sun.
Ghost spittin future written past to see all the conjugatives relative like ****** games on the run:
games on the fun like extension big sides as big sizes like chasing dreams again straight to the the sun is what we've become.

unfinished...

this ain't motherfucken games, and you know id through wish-epic

I remenise my pain
How it was lined up
Grew up misleaded
by my own mom though
don't like her
because I was mistreated
So how was I wrong?  
I never asked for birth
She act like it's my fault
when i ask why she starts getting ralled up
She never cared that's my lesson
She wished me dead through a message
False love and neglection
Want attention get regected
I don't hate her
I forgive her apology
even though she never said it

I am but a small flower,
Waiting to be noticed and seen,
Longing and yearning by the hour,
Like everyone else in this place of green.

I am but a Forget-Me-Not,
Please give me lots of love and affection,
Because that is what I require a lot,
For I cannot take rejection and neglection.

I am but a Bleeding Heart,
Care for me and I will bloom only for you,
But if you have enough of me and depart,
I shall wilt and become one with the morning dew.

Chronic neglection
Leads to apathetic acceptance
Of mediocrity
In all forms

The crippling feeling of an emotional blizzard
Hitting all at once
Anger at him for neglection
Somber that I wasn't worth his attention
Frustrated that I wasted longing and desire on him
Timid that he ccould blatantly disregard me so easily
Defeated that I anticipated for something to happen

The sirens,
They always make it seem worse,
But not this time!
Relief was felt in the house,
They knew,
Reality kicked in,
She wasn't walking away from this one!
That eerie silence,
The calm before the storm,
Then,
Panic, tubes, masks,
Certainly not the norm,
Nosey neighbours,
Sandwiches,
Condolensces exchanged,
The prying looks,
The stuff she took,
The pity about her age,
Saddened mingled anger at her actions,
Neglection of left over siblings,
Endless feelings of blame, and guilt,
The stupid, senseless ramblings,
But letting go, in just a while,
She'll leave this house for ever,
Her self destruction, struck a blow..



(c) eileen mcgreevy 2009

Time for reflection
No more neglection
More self-affirmations and satisfaction
Deep beyond all that tainted my inner beauty
I shed the covers all at once
Revealing the butterfly inside
Soaring and levitating,
Saying goodbye to gravity
Looking at my mirror image, and smiling
Beautiful and happy,
That is what I am
Sun is shining once again
And this time I am the reason
The reason behind my own smile
Confident about the future,
At peace with the past,
Content with the present
Happy for being me
Loving myself,
And if I ever want a poem,
This poem will be a dedication
To myself
I am everything I need,
And if what I need is love,
Then love is what I shall receive.
I control my fate and happiness,
And if loving myself makes me happy…
Then I love myself, and I am not selfish
I am simply satisfied and glad.
Thank you, for being me.

I'm addicted to this pain
Addicted to you
Addicted to the stain
Addicted to misuse
The neglection you give me?
I'm addicted to that too
I'm addicted to the abuse you give me times three
I'm addicted to forgiving your mistakes towards me
Addicted to being tired of this suppression
Addicted to this thing called depression
Addicted to the blade
that cuts into life
Addicted to no longer being a hero in the strife
I'm addicted to people with an extensive diction
I'm addicted to being an addict with an addiction

Crystallized cards and bleeding hands
Empty minds and dull reflections
Desperation spread accross the lands
People divided into seperate sections
Skins burnt crisp by brands
Bodies braking down by neglection
Time without the flowing sands
Faith lost in crucified interception

A greasy cage, painted with chipped, faded gold,
Houses an individual whose identity is fastened by chains,
Silver chains rusty with the squeaks of a rat
Whose tail is pinched by the linked fingers.
The prisoner is taunted, with heavenly lights,
By one empty corner of the prison’s ceiling,
Partially freed to dream
Stars melting
On her skin,
Warm ice

Years ago, she had shredded and torn apart her wool blanket.
Its remains are piled in the far right corner
Collecting neglection and dust.

No one ever knew
What it was like to be a ****
They never felt the unnerving sensation
Of the lingering touches and kisses
No one knew
How one's skin stings
From trying to scrub away
How ***** and disgusting they feel
They don't know
How it crushes a *****'s heart
To be used but not remembered
How it's hard to find company
Who sees you for who you are
And not for your body
They don't know
How it's hard to live
Upto the society's restrictions
They judged but they were not aware
Of how this bítch was molded
They don't know
But still they criticized
They don't see
The gaping hole left
Within this ****'s personality
They don't feel the pang of rejection
The pain of neglection
The sting of false accusations
They never listened
Their criticism never faltered
No one thought about the bìtch
No one cares for the whôre
What matters was that she destroys
And then get destroyed by her protagonist
They want a fairytale
And there's gotta be a villain.

Here we go with more minerals

What have I done to myself

Yes I understand its bad for my health

It's just that I am infatuated with the body's chemistry

My entire existence is just bonding

I feel like a walking science project erupting

When I can't sleep I drink a little diphenhydramine

I lost myself with no where to hide

My mind is everywhere its gone for a ride

Another unsolved mystery from the land of the free dream

Don't pay any attention to me

Just a lowlife in the depths of debt

I do not charge here just free exhibiting

Skipping through scenes for a sneak peek

To avoid nasal congestion I'll spray some oxymetazoline

Drinking distilled spirits that cause impair judging

I can see my heart beat through my stomach

To release endorphins I swallow a blue dolphin

Walking distance between realms when I poison my stomach with fungus

Do you hear that?

The loudest noise in the room

Close your eyes and sync with my scripture

These poetry particles are my brain acupuncture

Cloak yourself like that alien predator

Rest in a piece of earth Grandpa I'll speak to you on the Ouija board later

They told me death was only the beginning

That means the last stage of a human being is not an ending

Life is to live. die. and repeat

I know these poems don't make sense

Everyone can read

Everyone can write

I'm more into making my readers feel
the words just right

Summon a tingle at the tip of your spine

I can not draw you a pair of graphs of paragraphs

Maybe assist you with your own parallel habitat

Adrenaline rush when my deficit attention disorder attacks

I can't speak a spoke of words and I'm stuck

Cold sweat and I'm out in the sun

Take this serum to compress your depression

Don't forget your coupon for the governments vaccination

Frying pneumonia for tonights digestion

This isn't a rap

This isn't a flow

This is not even poetry I'm not Edgar Allan Poe

I'm just like you looking for acceptance in a world of neglection

The day I turned thirteen was the day all innocence in me was lost.
The day I turned thirteen was the day something in me changed;
The day I turned thirteen was the day I became "deranged"...

They point their fingers and look at us with:
Hatred and Malice in their eyes,
Upon us all they suspect foul play-
But what they don't realise is if they mess with one they get the full creme brulee.

We're different, we're aliens on this strange planet Earth.
But that's no justification for:
Neglection, Cruelty and Abuse;
It's no wonder some of us start tying our own noose...

You think that you know us, but you haven't seen it all,
Not the good times, the bad times, the party - or the brawl.

It's a tragedy to think that on the 13th birthday of any young teens life,
He 's marked forever with the
Badge of Shame;
And is then until death the subject of blame.

Anyone who knew her last name knew the fire she set in the heart of the expresser. I called her Bri, girl wonder, the original poetic queen by her own words. She called me her poetic god when I was first getting off of my feet in expressive poetry.
I took it slow, like a freeze-frame of which I’m not too proud of. If I may, I’d like to sort of explain what was happening in my position.  A beautiful day, cirrus clouds, December Alabamian weather. I was leaving, never to return or try my hand at our love again and all I wanted to do was show love to the one who’d declared she would desire it from me.
Insane.
Insane for thinking that a request of which as simple as it is can rearrange the very fabric of time would be accepted into the universe and granted to me as a blessing and a step forward in lively progress. My last wish was a simple kiss.
But it wasn’t meant to be.
Why? Why something so harmless as a that would put so many barriers before itself in an effort to avoid it is beyond me, but what I do know is that it haunts me to know that I missed my opportunity and let out an emotion of neglection, and I hope she didn’t create a feel of aggravated rejection In her heart, for that wasn’t my intention.
She, my dancing queen, right? Shier than the sun at two A.M, too self-conscious about the smallest detail yet still flawless, true poet by accident yet a poet all the same.
This woman’s worth, like Maxwell. The worst like Jhene Aiko. But my ribbon in the sky like Stevie Wonder, basically a symphony of emotion that I played a part in. I, a master of ceremonies in her play of life as she expressed herself and wrapped me in layer upon layer of unknowing intimacy.
Why? Why do I always fall for your type?
Why did I fall for you?
I can’t explain without uprising the controversy in my heart, the controversy growing in my soul,
Love.
What I believe we were trying to achieve before the divide, the main reason I sit on the couch listening to love songs and counting my losses as they compare to my blessings and curse the time that brings turns in events, buildings to the ground, men to their knees in submission to the will of it.
Love
What I would’ve said if I’d had time to show more of it. You are the ocean to my sea creature, the grasslands to my herbivore, the nature to my nature, a perfect fit through connection.
Thick lips, wide hips, dark chocolate skin with a clueless soul, I was the gateway in progress, the channel for the guided ship. You made me find myself better, closer, more accurately, and I will never forget you for it.
Not everyone is meant to keep in contact, but our souls are entwined within a universe all their own, a dance floor to you, a laptop and forum for me, completely customizable, and a warm embrace where our worlds collide and create the aftermath, the afterlife, of which all shall witness the greatness of such a creation.
The abdication of a king, the separation of a natural pair, the things that we must live through, so if you remember me, When you remember me, think of the possibilities, the unknown realm that we never explored.
Brianna
The heat of the fire I kindled in my heart, the girl who left the mark of possibility and opened my mind.
My first queen, my billionth girlfriend, but first pending love. I gave her her credits and accolades once more.

The neighbors left my dog alone
in the cold, dark, rain.
They do not care it is insane.
My empathy is still the same.

This is not how it has to be.
I hear his silent plee.
Together it is as we are one, I, him & we.
A neglection of abandonment I see.

They should wrap him in a blanket &
Keep him warm.
Cover him from the wind & storm.
Compassion is what will form.
With love bonds a new life is born.

I stare; I gaze, but do not conceive
The paintings pure horizon is in the presence of deceit
But please, repeat your outlook
Your pointless dictation of controversy
Disease, you preach from your foul perch
Upon this mound of impatience and matrimony
Your bride is but grievance

Internal rage without reason, but false is the tale
I read the writings wrapped in weakness
Such empty words, wrenched and creedless
I shed silence in a script of declaration
I steal the very breath of this restless plague
Impotence derives from but a faceless fractions cost
The few and the fallen, the tempted and the lost
They all perish at a point
We too, will perish.

Locked in the abyss of conflict

Trapped, forever sinking into the depths
Slowed to a crawl,
From a drop dripped too far
This overflowing vile of greed
Must find a way to be released

Separate secrets reveled, remain so softly undone
Will we ever stop thinking in time to realize we should run?

Neglection’s ghost concealed,
Under the sun
You cannot hide from the sun’s scrutiny from above.

I'm not a crazy person.
I swear I'm not
I just get really sad
& I do whatever I can to grab the slightest bit of your attention.
I want to see that you care as much as I do.
But you get mad.
And ignore my existence
I get more sad
Craving more of your affection
You continue to throw every bit of me into the abyss

Gave you nothing less than perfection,
i received neglection
no affection ,just thoughts and depression my lesson learned by the taunting aggression,
my obsession is caressin my helpless quessin,
pressin  my deepest thoughts, tryin to harbor my lost,
tryin to hold my cost, a price of heart is stolen,
every second of the day im second quessin my life,
stuck in thoughts frozen..trying to let go...
reflection is whom im  opposen, im posen a threat,
not understanding my loneliness,  so...
im holding this, thoughts and feeling,
picturing a day on bended knee,kneeling, tellin you
my feeling, the feelings is true, you turn my  helpless why? into hopeless when..i dont wanna be your friend,i wanna meet worlds end, show you i am more than a
kiss nd hug,
im more than a,
i don't know shoulder shrug,
im more than a
then i am a here and will never be a never was,
i go the length, in 1 year, tell you I do, cause no matter what you do,
ill stick around as long as you want me too,
ill be that ***** stick witcha , snap picture in the background, tellin you every second i happy for you,while  slowly killin liver,
i know you can be better with me, but you with another *****, so
i let it goo, but let it linger, aint no ring on my finger, but  there's one in my heart if you could've looked alil deeper...you would seen how you left it alil bit torn apart.
its ok i worn the lost, i learn to floss, but heres no body like you, and im just cooping with an inevitable loss.

BY: Emmanuel JV Hernandez
5/6/14

You walk in to my dreams as though I never ever lost you.
All your faults and doubts have left us and i feel ineffable to be embraced by your presence.
You do not touch me. You wouldn't.
You know well you have touched me enough.
My heart sacredly reads the language of despair you flash me with a subtle look.
Ive always known your scared. You know this too that is why you are here.
My love is strong for you.
You see the gift of tragedy in my eyes you left with me.
The neglection was not apart of your plan.
The recognition of this hurts you in your gut. I try to mask the truth. I am confident i can achieve this. I want to protect you.
You feel wrath towards experience and dimensions but they are you.
Your inability to carry out your intentions has imploded and holds you to me.
It was always pain that bound us Barbara, wasn't it.
I drop the maternal cloth I made in your absence.
All wounds are exposed. Your stare is strong.
You look at your work at a distance. How else?
I feel your nervous but I know your just as brave.
Your taking it in slowly.
I know you are getting closer to yourself now like you said last time.
I only wish light for you.
I promise.

Stress
Is like a million mad-mans running at you with guns

Anxiety
Is like standing in front of a crowd having to say a speech but nothing will come out and everyone looks at you in frustration. They're waiting and all you can do is shake.

Depression
Is sitting a room of happy people who are laughing, you're laughing too but you feel numb. Like your laugh is really a scream for help as you are stuck in a well slowly drowning.

Insecurity
Is wanting to become invisible

Neglection
Is wanting to be seen

Strength
Is what you have if you can smile convincingly even with one or more of these situations

Enter at your own risk.
Into thee unknown abyss.
Seduction of the sun kiss.
UNGRANTED wish & fate with a twist.
Darkness & shadows with echos that fade.
You I will follow a choice that I made.
Music draws me in this time.
Lures me through steals my reflection.
Violating my essence.
Coldness clings.
Never got the message.
Fear it brings. Captivating & haunting.
Intriguing but taunting.
Trapped & hyponotized & paralyzed.
Irresistable & unescapeable to occupy.
I fall & tumble through this bubble.
Without bearing or direction.
I choose a path with further neglection.
Lost without a guide.
My uncertainty never subsides.
No one was ever on my side.

Love & protection.
Not hatred, fear, & neglection.
Respect, trust, honesty, & loyalty.
Not self centered royalty.
Devotion, understanding, & consideration.
Not meaningless flings of infatuation.
Open relationships with a wandering eye.
Is that what you want in a guy?
I want to be loved & cared for.
Not betrayed, used, & scared by.

Neither one of us is brand new. We both been dropped, broken, and shattered a time or 2wo. But what gives me hope the most is the fact that I stick to you. Just a reflection of loveless neglection... figured you stick it through.. But then you found then you found your glue. And i found my heart... You found out it was in pieces and it was missing a part. The irony of it all is yours heart's in worst condition. That's when i learned my mission. You mend a broken heart and your healing has just begun. So it's best to love love and crackle under the sun. But all in all im glad i found you. Im glad you found me and im you had glue... Adhesion...

C'est la vie they said, but every moment they departed with the beautiful, delightful phrases that has mysteriously managed to distance itself from the that is you, you have failed again to realize the potential in you. You placed the burden in your mind, in the isolated chamber of yours, as if it's possible for you to fill in every inch of your sullen skeleton, you would. You have come to expect something that is living beyond the border of reality and in order for that to take into effect, the neglection of the genesis behind the seed of our life has to take place. Reality and truth, are the two things that have always been abandoned by greed and dishonesty that have been infesting our minds ever since we are doomed to feel the wrath of karma. We are the author of our own destiny and if we want to be happy, we should take control of the ship and for that to happen, I need a company to face the music and you are the reason that the ship is still afloat as it takes two to balance it. Everything is absurd but love.

I was born under the sign of

The Forgotten

Destined for dusty shoe boxes: Cut up photographs, Desecrated loves

I am: Nameless
          Voiceless
          Faceless

Because I bought into my fate for the cheap price of:
neglection and bitterness

Inaction is my parasitic friend
                   My spoiled lover
                   My favorite excuse

I have too much
But
Not enough
And
I am too much
But
Not enough
And

I was born under the sign of

The Forgotten

and

This is my anthem

Enter at your own risk.
Into an unknown abyss.
Seduction of the sun kiss.
An ungranted wish.
Fate with a twist.
Darkness shadows, echos fades.
You I want to follow.
A choice I made.
A occupy my time.
Gather my thoughts.
Be greatful for what's mine.
Reflect on what I bought.
Music draws me in to bind unfought through each chime.
Coldness clings to the voice that sings.
Fear & haunting is not what it brings.
Intriguing & capitvating trapped in a hypnotic trance.
Irresistable & unescapeable ****** in.
In a personal bubble. I fall & tumble.
A uncontrollable cycle.
I trip & stumble. Without bearing or direction.
I chose a path with further neglection.
Without a guide.
My heart openwide.
My uncertainity subsides.
Through the foggy light I glide.
Parallal to default to seek what I sought.
Senseless relent it was there I was sent.
Calling me to it.
Fragmented bit by bit. Reforming a whole to the other side. Teleported through a watery tide. Plasma fluid like sewage.

As I take in all the long days
I ask myself is this really how home tastes
the wrong place I feel like I've been in after I've escaped
to the top of the mountains where I seemed to fit it
feel the feeling that resides within
every since I was a young kid
before I knew I ever had a mission
pure bliss.. before I knew how to truly even listen
before I had to witness the struggles of life and emotions bubbling over due to the lack of having a mic.
I remember when nothing seemed right..
the world seemed hopeless
before my dreams were ever spoken
before they were even approaching the open mind
this feeling is just so divine
hoping that I can flow with the motions of this climb
was blind until I uncovered the treasury that was buried beneath the time
the truth it changed my mind indefinitely
severing all the ties to everything I've ever learned and assuming it was lies until I earn the piece of mind to believe it with my own eyes
I've been shown a disguise most of my life
projected by someone else's perception
perpetuated by misconception
and mental expansion neglection..
it's simple... I stand to correct all the lies that disconnect
me from acceptance and perfection

Why do i crave  for help but refuse to open up why do i feel like i have to be strong and never open up. I feel as if i have to take this world on all by myself. But lord you say i dnt have to so i ask that you lend me your help because i feel all alone and i cant do this myself. I feel unworthy i feel angry i feel depressed i feel so lonely even standing around people who are willing to help. break me lord god  let your presence  be felt. Because i feel like that old book collecting dust on the shelf that no one wants to read! Even with your calling o father i feel as if i will never succeed . I feel like everything is coming agaisnt me and trying to drag me down.  Why cant i scream out for help lord why cant i make a sound. What is keeping me from you lord what is holding me down. Show me the way lord god remove this grey cloud.  Blind me lord god to this world let me only look to you. You say that  you will help well im relying on you to.  You say you will change me from the inside out then why on the inside do i feel all this doubt. Why cant i express myself in the way that you would. Why does everything i say and do seem to be absolutely no good.  Lord i am trying my best but maybe thats not enough. I get over one problem and then theres another to back it up. Is my life just a struggle and im just supposed  to be tough. You say to look to you when times get rough. Well im staring you down i am yelling at you from the top of my lungs i cant do this alone lord god yes ive had enough! When will you come through and shower me with the truth. When will i walk in your will and do what you have  called me to. When will your joy in me overtake this doubt this anger and depression and shine through  me like a light at the intersection!  Lord im tired of feeling like im so unworthy and feeling rejected. You say no matter what i do to you i am always accepted. Then why won't that sink in my heart and why wont my mind accept it. Why was i born in this world and only feel neglection. I am broken lord god and i just have to accept it.  And im solely looking to you father god kuz i know that only you will fix it!