"neediness" poems
say goodbye to the bucolic summer
the rafts of winter are upon the banks of your desire
please placate the wild streets of abandonment
let the edges of your neediness
take you into independence
i am less dense than a fly
and more round than the sky
i am a shade too dry for some people's liking
are you wanting a more permanent vacation
the icing on the cake is the real equation
immediate desires all forsaken
our love is worth practicing non-anticipation for
if you kiss me now i’ll be forever liberated
if you show me how
i’ll take you to the 9th dimension
seventeen floors above the world
and we are standing on
an indefinite embankment
i am intimidated by your perspicacity
as the persimmon sun sets upon the horizon
Jul 23, 2018
Jul 23, 2018 at 3:01 PM UTC
Sunday's newspapers
come on Saturday,
coupons spill out
torrentially.
weekend manna
from
publisher's hell.
makes my breathing heavy,
from studious inspection,
so many needs unmet.
I fall to pieces
every weekend,
securely knowing,
I'm lacking in
so many things,
feeling my
insecure neediness
keenly.
my Target is
feverishly simple,
solution oriented.
no can find any discounts for
new rhythms,
new rhymes,
life high fivers
to satisfy,
adhere,
and revere,
that would be my
Best Buy.
but I'm clipped,
the coupons, not.
Nov 18, 2013
Nov 18, 2013 at 4:37 PM UTC
Here it goes again,
Here it comes again,
The articles about
Psychopaths
And the accusatory tone
Twisting behaviors
Twisting actions
To sound toxic
To sound dangerous
To stamp a big red label on my skin,
Screaming
"AVOID THIS ONE AT ALL COSTS"
While I sit and weep.
But these articles
Blog posts
People fleeing from me
Left and right
Are lies, right?
Tell me, please,
Tell me,
Someone?
My anxiety and need to be reassured
Roots from my PTSD,
And my neediness and wants for attention
Is normal for my upbringing,
Right?
And writing poem after poem
About how much I care for you,
And making playlists
With songs in it
That make me think of you,
Is just a sign that I care,
Right?
I don't want to be
A psychopath.
I don't want to be
A toxic person,
I don't understand
How telling someone you love them,
Is bad?
But these articles say that showering someone
In constant attention and praise
Means you're a psychopath.
And these blog posts
Are telling me that poems and gifts and music,
All means you're selfish and unfeeling.
But I don't want to be,
I care so much, I love you so much.
I'm afraid
Of who I am.
Sep 27, 2016
Sep 27, 2016 at 8:34 PM UTC
*Movements become sensual while we dance
I am feeding my addiction again
Consistent eye contact creates a trance
Intoxicating escapes will begin
Our bodies act as if we are alone
My fingertips gently touching your cheek
Physical neediness is what I've shown
Sexua1 tension I actively seek
A continual hunger consumes me
I ache for clothing to cover the floor
Ice completes my gratification plea
As emotions are chosen to ignore
Ero+ic pleasure occupies my mind
Fighting the love my heart attempts to find*
© Christopher Chronister. All rights reserved.
Jun 1, 2015
Jun 1, 2015 at 3:49 PM UTC
we share this space
we share this union
but i cannot be further away from you.
your faults make me cringe
your dependancy on praise exhausts me.
the narcissist is in you
feeds the bitterness in me.
i had hoped that you would come to take me away
and now i am sailing this boat alone.
i hate it when people ask
how i am.
cause i cant tell them,
the infinity of depair
you bring upon me.
they all bask in your glorious smile,
and your casual demeanor.
but they never see
the insecurity
the neediness
the demands
the dissapointments
the sulking
the depression
the anger
the violence
the fear i feel around you.
so i fight against a ghost,
lash out at the wind.
and i grow ever more lonely.
cause you are too stuck in your own pain,
to see me slipping away.
Jan 26, 2010
Jan 26, 2010 at 11:05 PM UTC
2am Friends
winter has set the boundage, bars of chill, escape-urge killers,
self-imprisoned by our ruthless timidity, that both comforts yet,
worse violates our truthful, unwanted inadmissible-neediness by
purging the touches and the knowing kindage, this then,
this preface, your reminding of-as-of-yet untouched,
half-invitational, half-regret, half-cursed, whole red need for
2am friends
to fill the void that poems can n’ere fill
1/1/18
Jan 1, 2018
Jan 1, 2018 at 11:36 AM UTC
Mirrorball - “the fabrication of our performance”
a life long struggle to accept who I am,
of course, lose, and lose again, and
the fabrication of our performance now
inherent in every excuse and mirrorball
revolving asking, no, laughing, at our
vanity, as we endeavor, enabled by the
paucity of ego, the neediness of weakness’s
to catch, keep, hold each single flickering
light spot in our open, slick palms forever
we fabricate our performance of daily living,
modifying our measurements to match output,
only a human cannot wake only to fall within
each daily tabulation without thinking, once:
*I am a hero, worthy of acknowledgement, just
look at my hands! see how many spots of
light I can claim as mine! the mirrorball turns
and turns paying no mind to the worshipers
below, until some sorrowful fool confesses,
fools fail, fools fail, turning the dervish off,
the white flag of ego darkened, once more...*
we are all false poets, false prophets, occasionally confessing
7:34 AM
Sat Jul 18
The Year of the Virus, Corona
Jul 18, 2020
Jul 18, 2020 at 8:03 AM UTC
( or also entitled : Just How Much ******** Are You Prepared to Believe)
Confidence - grandiosity
Hope - Delusion
Ambition - grandiosity + delusion
Love - Co-dependency
Unrequited Love & romantic hopes - Erotomania
Sexuality - Hypersexuality
Happiness - Manic mood
Sadness - Depression
Shock - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Emotional - Bipolar
Fear - Paranoia/psychosis
Distrust - Suspicion ( e.g paranoia)
Loneliness - Neediness
Needing connection to others - Co-dependant
Existential doubts - suicidal
Spiritual awakening - psychosis
Sarcasm - Aggression
Loner - socially-withdrawn
Messy - self-neglectful
Angry - dangerous/violent
Faith - dangerous Religisiosity
dubious combination
of some of the above : Schizophrenia
Note : All of these need drugs to 'cure' them so the drugs companies can make a fortune & pay you a premium. Where did you think the money for your salary came from?
Jul 7, 2015
Jul 7, 2015 at 10:38 AM UTC
...on my self-worth:
*I am worthless, or close to it
I twist my self-worth to depend on the people I care about, so the smallest, most unintentional slight is taken with too much sensitivity
I don't deserve to be cared for
I am ***** and bad
I am at fault*
...on my relationships:
*I trust people I shouldn't too quickly, and people I should, not enough
I am emotionally needy, seeking constant reassurance that someone cares
At the same time, I push people away, testing their caring
Relationships with my parents are superficial
Relationships with my young siblings...were strained; now, they are better, but I am still unsure about how they really feel toward me*
**...on my views about ***
*** is easily used for power
*** is easily made to be about control
*** is painful and causes guilt
*** is a way to make people want and/or need you, to make them want to be close to you*
...on my life in positive ways- what strengths have I gained?
*+For all my emotional neediness, I am pretty self-sufficient- I know how to run a household and take care of a family
I am compassionate and empathetic
I am not broken, even with all I have been through- this shows me that I am strong
I know how not to parent*
Jun 4, 2014
Jun 4, 2014 at 9:50 PM UTC
there are vanilla scented candles
and plaid scarves,
acrylic paints of every ******* colour
and wool socks,
a closet full of pretty dresses
and a bookshelf full of good reads
but I’m not happy
there is laughing
there is smiling
there is feeling good
sometimes
but I’m so unsatisfied
with what I’ve got
though I seem to have just about
everything
I have a good mother
I have friends that care
I have blankets
I have good teeth
I have rubber boots
some people say I have nice legs
I have compassion
I have the drive to create
I have trees
I have long hair
some people say I have kindness
I have a bus pass
I have a new job
I have flexibility
I have enough money
some people say I have talent
but I’m unappreciative
and hard on myself
still
there are booked gigs
and improv shows,
interesting conversations
and instruments,
trees and leaves and twigs
and pinecones,
the sky,
the zoo,
the cafes
but I get insecure most of the time
there are long hot baths
and biting nails,
then painting nails,
then repainting nails
and biding time,
then hating time,
then being okay with time,
there are long stares in the mirror
sometimes glares
sometimes there are puffy eyes
there is frustration
in my fingers
in my head
in my voice
at the piano
on stage
being vulnerable in a crowd of cool actors and musicians
fear of being seen
fear of being unseen
fear of doing it WRONG
fear of looking stupid
looking ugly
looking pathetic
sounding stupid
sounding ugly
sounding pathetic
there are dreams of leaving
this city
this head
these people I have known
for what seems like forever
there are dreams of healing
and loving my skin
and the natural amount of fat
that is underneath it
there are dreams out there
there are so many of them
that I’m afraid to wish
that I’m afraid to think of
from caution of them not happening
from caution of disappointment
and loneliness
and neediness,
then purposelessness
there is wanting
and wanting
and wanting
something better
I don’t know what
just something better
but waiting
and waiting
and waiting
for it to come to me
instead of
trying
and going
and getting
it myself
Apr 14, 2013
Apr 14, 2013 at 4:30 AM UTC
sitting here
staring at these boring beige walls
with someone staring back at me
as I try to put my thoughts into words
don't sound stupid
no desperation
no neediness
no attention
being analyzed is an interesting thing
because you can feel the ****
of knowledgable eyes in your brain
so your walls go up
stop staring at me
because help doesn't exist
when you don't want it
and there is no cure
for the monsters in my brain
tearing
ripping
clawing at my psyche
whispering
sweet nothings into my subconscious
bland, practiced words stream out of my mouth
bubbling over with the dull tone of indifference
boredom
and ultimately,
cringe-worthy sadness.
if only you could actually understand
that the monsters are my friends
their darkness inspires me
reminds me of the heaven
found six feet below my own heels
now I'm standing,
with a rehearsed smile on my mask
and a hollow 'thank you'
before I return to the beige walls
Jun 4, 2013
Jun 4, 2013 at 6:41 PM UTC
I got your **** right here darlin’
My jaw is the hardest workin’ part of my body
And it never ceases to ***** chomp
Like premature bear trap
I mean lover,
I’ll sing you songs under the covers while you sleep
And wake you up
While standing over you lookin’ possessed like a bad horror film
The light from outside blinds you and blacks out my front
And maybe you won’t ever talk to me again
Been known to do that
Scare people off
With everything I do
This aint neediness love,
I just get so excited when you talk to me
Like a kid ready to run his mouth about his day
Me?
I’ll ***** talk your head off
And dance naked in the daylight before I leave
Make you coffee and eggs in the morning because
I can never sleep
Two eggs over easy, a sausage, and some hash browns
I call it my *********** continental
Please laugh for me one more time before I go
Thought there’d be more humor in my breakfast
That’s when you tell me that you can never be with somebody who can never take life seriously
Woman,
I’ll take you so seriously
Like the clap and the ***** we might’a traded
I don’t put people on pedestals because
I like things I can actually reach
Actually hold at night while they fall asleep
Let’s make a baby
Name him Norman
You know I am serious
About the name
not the baby
I’m not a father figure even though my figure aint good for much
Got it in sad clown college
It’s the one people go to when they want to make people laugh
Not because they want people to be happy
But because it’s the only way to get anyone to like them
Just when you tell your friends later
About that one time that I was your lover
Remember
I never wanted to be anywhere close to the best you had
I only wanted to be your favorite
The guy who can make you laugh and moan at the same time
And pluck your heartstring like a frustrated lullaby
The only guy who can actually make your breakfast *****
And then write you poetry
Jul 30, 2011
Jul 30, 2011 at 11:51 AM UTC
When I get lost I depend on you
to help me find my way but lately
I can't see because of the weight
of what I'm missing.
Will it ever cease?
For a while your love was enough;
**** it should still be enough but
my brain’s imbalance
is ******* me over with
constant neediness of something,
like a craving for citrus or salt…
I’ll try anything to make
the need go away
and I already have.
Many work well but not for long,
others work fast but aren't as strong,
The best work fast and leave no trace,
but ask for more, and more,
and more until without
you just might die,
and with,
you're just getting by,
the deceptive little *******
will eat you up in the end,
while you chase the need
and wish you could go back
to where you didn't know
what you know now.
but would it matter?
They say to be partial to only one
is fortunate. I don’t buy it.
I try to replace the one with
combinations of 3 or 4
but **** they will never do
for me what one did.
I won’t say what one is for me
but you know what one is for you,
and if by chance
your one is more than one
I pray God have mercy on you
because fighting one battle
is battle enough.
Have you ever considered that
to be clean means to live
every day for the rest of your life
with complete knowledge that
you will never, ever, as long as you live
feel as good as you did the first time?
I give in once in a while,
then go cold and sweat for a week.
You know you’re ******
When the suffering is worth it.
Aug 1, 2012
Aug 1, 2012 at 12:14 AM UTC
putting faith in another human being
creates in me a fear so vast and enduring
it's hard to fit it in one imperfect lifetime
trust distorted by the history of things
done to and by us in the name of love
creates a doubting monologue in my head
that manifests in unattractive neediness
a seemingly bottomless hunger
for the reassurance of your touch
I fervently covet
your singular devotion
show me you'll do anything
to silence this non-believer
with love so constant
and unreserved
I feel it
from the outside
in
Apr 26, 2016
Apr 26, 2016 at 9:21 AM UTC
when he looked at a woman he searched for qualities that attracted him because he wanted to desire her yet this tendency created an imbalance or disadvantage he was rendered weak to a woman’s beauty or whatever traits he idealized self-realizing this propensity he looked away from women years of disappointment neglect changed him he became afraid of women gynophobic
when she looks at a man she searches for qualities she is critical of because she wants to be impervious to his power she is suspicious of all men their upper body strength penchant to be in control misperception of women as property misogyny emotional immaturity neediness to be mommyed selfishness insensitivity or over-sensitivity depending she wants to be treated with equal respect a loving nurturing relationship she is suspicious of all people their alternate realities passive aggressive behavior co-dependence craziness
he sees her then looks away she suspiciously notices nothing happens they go back to their separate homes alone always home alone grown calm in resignation yet disbelieving of this destiny saddened by this fate both worry about the future she looks at her face naked body in the mirror her stomach churns feels a sad sickening remembers a time when she was more carefree he puts one foot in front of the other then walks tries to remember who taught him to walk how many times did he fall who taught him to laugh where did his sense of humor go
he sees her thinks she is lovely resists the urge to turn away he smiles says hello she notices nervously smiles her shaky voice articulates louder than a whisper hi
Jul 6, 2010
Jul 6, 2010 at 9:47 AM UTC
Bravely,
I lift my chin,
jugular exposed.
There'll be no fear,
this storm becomes me.
Facing ****** memories,
your essence beads upon dead skin
& cobwebs tangle inside a broken soul;
Seeping out from buried deep within, you return,
with neediness that hunts my flesh & steals nights away.
Our dramas of yesteryears playing out to a shadowed audience.
As howls resound under a blue moon; Let the bite be quick, my death
complete.
Aug 25, 2012
Aug 25, 2012 at 3:52 PM UTC
Ample armpit hair whipping in the wind.
We were forced to deify ourselves vicariously through stems of trees, millions of years old, hugging the moss.
Sick of piles of coins in innumerable quantities.
Sick of contrived smiles
Sick of listening to convoluted phrases shrouded in rhetoric from quivering lips, drooling with neediness and existential despair.
Sick of you.
Sick to our very core
The torch burns.
The chorus churns:
Awakening, awakening, awakening.
Embrace, embrace, embrace the embryonic ember.
No neon lights, no abstractions, no overarching laws.
We are the Pagan Icons
And we do
what we must.
Mar 17, 2014
Mar 17, 2014 at 8:35 PM UTC
Churning like the vast expanse of ocean laid at my feet.
All the distance and space of things,
Breaking like the wake inside of me
Like the ache inside of me,
Screaming..
Wait your drowning again
My head spins and my lungs
Burn at every want of breath
At every needing, at my neediness
At surviving day after day
Painfully aware of my slow sinking
Pretending I don’t care, about happiness
At my relentless pleas and prying
Into the gray spot of morality inside of me
Thinking an echo over and over
That I don’t miss my sense of belonging
Longing…
And yearning with every water molecule
In my physical body that you would reach out
Or say you want me.
That I could escape this rip tide and
Hide in dry sand, or your hands
Could pull me up and save me,
Lately the waters colder
And I’m older I’m harder, I’m patient,
Impatient…
I’m tougher , I’m jaded. I hate it
I hate me, I hate this
water rushes as I hit my knees..
Today I can't save me
Adrenalin spikes, heart's pounding
today's the day
today… I’m drowning.
Apr 29, 2013
Apr 29, 2013 at 11:59 AM UTC
An ever-growing list of things that I can't fix
a set of scribbles on a blank lined page
a lifetime of regretful (in)decisions
a stack of unstamped postcards that I swear I meant to send
my clinginess, my neediness
a drawer full of unused paper clips
two eyes that work too well to see what lies beneath the skin
a mouth that I may never learn to tame
two ears that someday soon will cease to hear
a cluttered, clumsy, cumbersome soul
two hands with scars and calloused fingertips
a mind that only ever thinks of you
two legs that don't know where the hell to go
and
a heart that's only satisfied when beating next to yours...
And this is all I have to give to you.
Sep 29, 2014
Sep 29, 2014 at 4:48 PM UTC
All my mind
Asks for is more
More commitment
More love
More attention
More sweetness
More passion
More action
More more more
The greed never ends
I hold down myself to refrain
From the inner neediness
Lock away my weakness
Knowing I'm only fooling myself
Because in the end
I still hear its pleas
But darling please know
I love you so much
And that is why I'm greedy
Because I fear your absence
I fear a life without you.
Mar 24, 2014
Mar 24, 2014 at 12:36 PM UTC
Why did you feel like you had to prove something to everyone? Innocence isn't bad you know. You were going to wait. But you were just so **** eager to prove your point. Perhaps a bit of it was spite. You felt over sheltered, so you overcompensated.
You have bad hair and bad taste in boys.
Still you shouldn't have broken up with him via text. Twice.
Making the third time by phone call wasn't a bad idea.
You have small ***** Get over it.
Stop being so insecure. Do things by yourself. You’re prone to codependency and neediness is not a good look for you
Invest in a pair of cute thigh highs. Delete your ****** blog. Get your eyebrows waxed (it doesn't hurt that bad).
While I have your attention - **DON'T ******* FAIL CHEM!!!** You end up retaking it with the same teacher whose face resembles that of a rat.
Enjoy being a social butterfly because it'll get old quick. Also beer is gross so you didn't miss much at parties.
You'll grow into your skin.
Mar 5, 2014
Mar 5, 2014 at 9:12 PM UTC
I know my worth,
I have stood in the way
Of vitriol and shame,
Shrugged away pride
And ego and burned off
So many imperfections
To leave a man still flawed
But peaceful and true,
A man who loves and seeks
That selfsame love in return,
A man who will die he hopes
Of old age in the arms of his woman
After a life of love and joy,
But
If she does not see his love for what it is,
If she sees need as neediness,
Then death still will find me,
Still see my value and my worth,
But find me waiting nonetheless
Alone
Dec 10, 2023
Dec 10, 2023 at 7:16 PM UTC
silence is golden
and yet we despise it
"awkward silence"
there's an epidemic sweeping this country
where we can't leave people alone
and always want to
talk
talk
talk
some more
just innocently
dividing your attention
to fulfill our neediness
to temporarily close a void within us
but we won't be satisfied with just one distraction
oh no
it will continue for as long as we live
forever being indifferent
towards your preference of solitude
Feb 26, 2015
Feb 26, 2015 at 1:07 AM UTC
You have no idea the irk
Created by those terms,
The judgement inherent in
Laying out my perceived weakness
Is offensive,
All the more when weakness
Neither becomes me nor is
Found within me
It makes the obvious response
Rise to my lips,
To cease to reach out
In love or in help,
To prove to you my worth by
Withdrawing the very demonstration
That led to the accusation at hand
But with withdrawal of
Reaching out comes
Withdrawal of part of me,
Part of my expressed love,
And therein lies the rub,
For if I share not how I feel or that
Sharing is unaccepted,
Then where is the actual point?
Of us?
Dec 12, 2023
Dec 12, 2023 at 7:26 AM UTC
here's the thing
about self mutilation
it kills me
slowly softly
gives me what i need
and here's the thing about self mutilation
the red neediness
the cold pane from windows
raining outside
raining inside
i'm covered in it
i'm covered in red
red covering
my red
smeared
across my eyelids
dripping from the scar tissue
and scars to be made,
this year
and next year and next year
yes.
self mutilation
how I've missed you
Oct 22, 2011
Oct 22, 2011 at 3:01 PM UTC