thinking about what to write..... *idea hits

& she looked so amazing walking out of her house with the beige dress I had bought her for her birthday the month before.
“Hey my handsome prince, where are we going today?” she said.
“Well my love, for our anniversary we will be planning out our dream date together… how does that sound?”
“You always have the best ideas, lets go to “the spot” and write the ideas down…… but first, can we stop by a 711? You know how we get when we’re on high caffeine and full of ideas. I feel like we deliver them more properly, plus I just woke up an hour ago so I could use it”
“Sure thing babe.”

I always wondered how she could say the right things at the wrong times… although all went bad, her words always picked my knees up from the ground when I took the wrong turn.

At this time, I don’t think I’m at my best, but I know that if I lead the road while holding her hand, she’ll know exactly where to turn when I swerve off road.

This moment is special and I’m currently watching her move her head around to our favorite song on the train going to Pearl.

May 27, 2015// WHY DOES THIS GIRL ADD SO MUCH ******* CREAMER IN HER COFFEE *** SHE IS GOING TO DIE OF OVER CREAMING…. THAT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE AND IT ALMOST SOUNDS WRONG… DAVID YOU’RE WEIRD… 2:04 Pm.

-David Bojay

I could see the places we were passing on the train from the reflection in her eyes. I never thought I could see the world in someone’s eyes. I can feel the tilt of the earth when she changes emotion and her eyes change in shape.

“Dream Date List // May 27, 2015”

1. Go to Downtown Dallas
2. Art museum
3. Ice cream trucks
4. Meditate at Klyde Warren in the middle of the field
5. Go for a walk Downtown and try to get on rooftops
6. Get on green lane and go to Deep Ellum to get serious pizza

“Babe are we almost there? I forgot where the stop was..”
“Yes my princess, we’re almost there”
“I’m so ******* hyped dude ***, I like how I can call you dude and feel comfortable like… dude….dude… dude dude dude nothing can tear us apart dude. I love you dude. **** too bomb dude. Dude you’re daddy as ****. Dude. Dude…. See? Our bond is one of a kind and we’re both kind of crazy. I wonder where we’ll be in 5 years”

“To be honest, we’ll probably be in a loft in New York doing a lot of drugs and on Spotify. That would be “goals as ****” don’t you think?”

“Boy hell nah you got me ****** up we are both going to work and make that mullah baby!”

Nothing could crack our humor.

2:54 Pm, May 27, 2015

DAVID DUDE, YOU MADE IT WITH THIS GIRL YOU LOVE… SOMEONE CAN HANDLE YOUR CRAZINESS.. DUDE WHAT THE ****… SHE’S LIKE….. LSD??? CLOSE. WAIT… NO… SHE CAN’T BE COMPARED.. **** I’M SO YOUNG, AND SHE IS TOO. THERE’S SO MUCH MORE TO EVERYTHING….
ART
MEDITATION
WATER
ENERGY
BREATHING
PROTEIN BECAUSE GAINZ AS ****
BOOKS
CONSCIOUSNESS
QUANTUM PHYSICS
PSYCHOLOGY
MONEY (**** THAT)
PASSION
NATURE

THERE’S SO MUCH MORE TO ALL THAT, I AM ONLY 17 AND SHE IS TOO

-David Bojay


We stepped out the train and I had waited for her to get out first because my mom always told me to always let the lady go first…. and so I did.

“You hungry?” I asked
“Not really… but I will be after we smoke this..”
“Did you really just…. you know us so well it’s almost kind of alien of you.”

We were walking towards the elevator and I was talking about how I was about to ******* the other night to the thought of her grabbing my **** at my old church while everyone was praying… we both worked a different way and we thought the idea was…. doable.

lights blunt
“It’s funny how we’re so annoying to each other yet we can’t get enough of eachother… I guess you the one huh?”
“David, to be honest… you’re too much for me sometimes… but holy **** I always want you around…. you’re such a sick ****.”

starts to laugh

“Dude… babe… do you feel that? I THINK THOSE ARE FEELINGS I FEEL TOWARDS YOU AYYYY”
“You’re ******* lame” HAHAHA.
“Come here..”
smack smack muah muah **
“Ugh you always kiss me at the wrong times… I ALWAYS GET WET AT THE WRONG PLACES… SEE THIS IS WHAT I MEAN BY YOU BEING A SICK ****”

Time goes by so fast when you want it to last forever. Whenever something feels so good, the impossible is wished and you want the delusion of “forever” to be actualized.

“Remember that time you told me I could never be able to make you *** in under a minute?”
“Uhmm yes… you can’t…”
puts hand under my pants
begins to stroke aggressively

The view was breath taking… or was she just taking my breath away.
“The Reunion Tower is so small compared to the others, but I guess it has a better view?” I thought to myself while she was jacking me off.

“TOLD YOU I COULD HAAAAA, YOU OWE ME HEAD NOW”

“*** I DIDN’T EVEN FEEL IT COME OUT WHAT THE ****…. MY **** NUMB”

3:48pm, May 27, 2015

YOUR PAIN IS MINE NOOOOOOW
THIS SONG IS SO GREAT
WE ARE SO CLOSE
WE ARE ON EARTH
GROUNDED
WE ARE HERE
TODAY
RIGHT NOW
LOOKING AT CIVILIZATION IN “MODERN IN TIMES”
IN 20 YEARS THIS WILL BE SO OLD
TECHNOLOGY IS ADVANCING SO FAST FOR HUMANS TO FULLY UNDERSTAND THIS
WHY ARE THEY KILLING SO MANY TREES
MAYBE PEOPLE LIVED LONGER BACK THEN BECAUSE THEY HAD MORE OXYGEN TO BREATHE
MAYBE OXYGEN IS LIMITED TO EVERY INDIVIDUAL AND SOME OF US JUST TAKE DEEPER BREATHS AND THAT’S HOW WE DIE YOUNGER
I DOUBT IT BUT ****… I’D BE DEAD AS **** ALREADY BECAUSE MEDITATION
WE ARE HERE
IN THE NOW
WHICH IS TECHNICALLY THE PAST NOW
NOW
NOW
NOW
TIME IS…. I DON’T EVEN KNOW

-David Bojay

Walking towards the art museum, we had talked about how men are just like animals, they target women with big *** and *******. We share information like if we were Gods communicating.
In my opinion, we are Gods… we are put in a person's life at a certain “time” and we deliver messages from a higher consciousness to them and they do the same. I think it’s fate, we need eachother. We need to communicate.

“David, throughout all the fights…. I ******* love you so ******* much and I appreciate you so much for listening…. I’m trying to tell you how I feel when you already know, I just thought it’d be romantic…. I’m such a fool for you… in the gayest way possible.”

I looked at her and smiled… she already knew what I was saying. It’s like if we could communicate with our eyes.
As we walked into the art museum, we noticed everything was so productive. The art spoke to us in a language on our eyes could try to understand and our minds could read if we really looked at it.

“Do you think it’s possible to understand art David?”

“Art is like a human, it never really stops changing. It renews itself like how our cells do. It has purpose, and that is to keep the world alive. To make life worth it in the moment, and the moments gather and moments put together is called “LIFE”. I think. Art is every subject you know blended into one. It can only be understood if you choose to box it in a place where it can’t breathe. Let it breathe. Let it flow through your mind like how blood flows through your veins.”

Every painting spoke to our minds and the more we observed, the more our minds opened and let the angels and demons of the art dimension live in our heads.

“I’m getting pretty hungry now?”

“Pizza my love?”

“Yes please.” **holds hand

// 4 minutes until green lane arrives //

“You guys happen to have any spare change? I’m just trying to get something to eat, I’ve been out here sin..”
“Look man, I don’t really care about your ******* story, I don’t believe it.”

Nobody needs to explain anything if they need it that bad, it’s yes or no and if they do explain, they’re lying to you.

Arrives at Serious Pizza

“What would you like darling? Anything you want, I got you.”

“Oooooook mister big ballah.”

“Shiiiiiet you already know.”

As we were eating, I noticed how unafraid we were to eat infront of eachother. The days, people are so afraid to be themselves and act scared because they’re afraid they won’t be accepted by how they really are. You have to find comfort within yourself before anything.

“Are you full yet?”

“Yeah I’m pretty ******* full, you want to head back to the park and chill?”

“Yes, plus we still have to meditate over there remember?”

“Oh yeah, well let’s dip.”

As we get to the park we find a spot and just sit for a while without saying a word. Sometimes silence is needed when the world around you is being noisy.

“Cross your legs and close your eyes, remember not to name the sounds you hear and to just let every emotion settle in, let it sink, and let it go. Practice your deeper insight and just relax.”

During meditation, being comfortable is key because if something is bothering you, the practice will be interrupted.

// 20 minutes pass //

“We’re so small, but it’s crazy how you and I are the change.”

Our conversations really put us in the right mindstate and that’s what made our spiritual sides really connect. We are one and together pain is numb.

phone rings

“David my mom said I have to go home….”

“Already?”

“I know babe… sorry. We’ll schedule something this week for sure.”

Getting on the train we both realized how tired we were and how the high wore off.

Together our love could break barriers, they might as well not even exist. Barriers are just limits created by someone who was too afraid to give it their all… to unleash their full potential.

“Hey, want to read a poem I wrote for you?”

“Why would you even ask?”

“Ok here we go, I’m still not finished but you’ll get it…”

“The world is there for you
My arms are open
These envelopes are yet to be sent
When the leaves fall don't change your mood
You've been one since the start
Don't die on yourself over someone or a situation you can control
Your strength is the equivalent of that of a bull
Love will come and go
But self love stays and I hope you love yourself just as much as you dream a guy will love you as much as I did
Look at the waves clashing for you
Admire the sky that's falling for you
******* yourself for the eyes on you
But stay strong for they are not all pure intentions
Feel free to test but not enough to cause relations“

“ I want you to know that your words are imprinted in the deepest parts of my heart and that they’ll remain there for the rest of my life my love, we will prosper through the thick and through the thin of this life we judge so much when we try to understand it. David I love you so much and I hope you never forget that.”

“ I won’t princess, I promise you that I won’t.”

silence for the rest of the train ride

7:57 Pm, May 27, 2015

TODAY WAS ******* GREAT
DAVID
YOU ARE IN LOVE
HOW DOES THAT FEEL
HOW DOES IT FEEL HUH?
YOU ARE 17
YOU ARE A DREAMER
YOUR DREAM CAME TRUE
I’M WATCHING HER SLEEP RIGHT NOW AND IT FEELS LIKE IF I’M IN A MOVIE

OKAY WE’RE ALMOST HOME…

-David Bojay

“Wake up baby, we’re here.”

“Dude I’m so glad we’re home, I’m tired as ****.”

“Tell me about it… get up… the doors are opening.”
We were holding hands on the way to the car and telling each other jokes, time finally felt still.
The sun was close to setting so we sat on the curb and just watched the sky sink into the ground… at least that’s how it looked like from a distance.

We stood up and walked to the car, I opened her door and let her sit down before I shut the door.

I stood there for 3 seconds looking at her through the window… she blew me a kiss and I stood there and smiled.

Walking towards my door I had to face the truth… I opened the door….


the seat was empty, my heart was too.
I hope she’s resting easy.
I hope her spirit was with me today, I knew it was.
The delusion felt so real, so so real.
My mind sees what it wants, I talk to the air as if it was you.
I spread my love, as if you were there to grasp it.
I hope you know I miss you, so so much.
I don’t know where I’ve been, and I don’t know what I’ve been getting myself into.
Your ghost is so beautiful.
I wish you were alive to celebrate our anniversary.
We did everything you wanted to do…. I mean… I did everything you wanted to do on our anniversary.
Today was in memory of you my darling, I’ll prosper if you guide me.
I’m really good at pretending you’re alive, I wish it wasn’t all just an illusion, I wish I wasn’t so ******* crazy.
I wish you would’ve never ******* died.
I’m dead inside, but my breathing is split in half so we can share my life.
I hope I prosper.
Why did you have to leave?
I miss you.
Baby.
Dude.
Whenever you decide to come back, I’ll be waiting and we’ll relive today… forreal this time.

8:23, May 27, 2015

DAVID
YOU’RE SHAKING WHILE YOU ARE WRITING THIS
YOU ARE CRYING
YOU ARE CONSCIOUS
YOU ARE ALIVE
SHE IS PASSED
DAVID
WHY ARE YOU SO CRAZY
YOU SEE HER AND SHE’S DEAD
SNAP OUT OF IT DUDE
I CAN’T MAN
DUDE
PLEASE
NO
I CAN’T
DAAAVVVIIID
PLEASE STOP CRYING
THIS SHEET IS GETTING WET
DAVID
I THINK YOU SHOULD GO HOME AND GET SOME SLEEP
DAVID
YOU WILL BE OKAY
YOU WILL PROSPER MAN DON’T GIVE UP
PLEASE… DON’T

- David Bojay




I love you so much.

Be cautious were you lay
Because often we betray
She said she loved me
But every action she ever portrayed
Was erased
When I found out she was kissing another on the lips
While his hands found a home on her hips

If kisses were wishes
puckered lip squishes

bewitching your skin
as they begin

just like a kite
they start to take flight

dancing through skies
on nature's sighs

magic unseen
sweetly convened

into the heavens
wishes now leavened

to enrapture just you
the kisses accrue

Sitting on trains plastered in rainbows
Hues of the fairest gray periods
Heart tired
Eyes glued
My grandmother always said not to stare...

I got caught in the naps of his hair
His 6 foot awesomeness
Maybe he's texting about business
His holiday arrangements...
Maybe his locs long for her

Maybe he tells her she's amazing
That he cant wait to see her
He'll kiss away her fears
Install the mirage of his emotions
Hold her, rub her back
3:00 am "you're beautiful"
Dreams of morning oral soliloquys...

Awakened by his agenda
She's remissed she couldn't wake earlier
To spend those last moments glancing out
Into the moments paradigm
To play a lil' house within his eyes ...

Suddenly
A faint streak of saliva on her cheek
muah
He's off...

She walks into the lavatory
Wondering why the hell the bathroom light's on...

LP

I've thought of you
In many ways;
Many complexities
On many days.

I've contemplated your meaning
To my life and the world.
To the universe and beyond,
Through flatiron and curls.

Through tumbling and leaping
Through broken leg and pain.
Through cold winter months
Through sunshine with rain,

Where you opened my eyes
Like the first time you opened yours,
To see what's beyond
Rainbows and other worlds.

You made me cry when you entered THIS world
I've often had tears
Of pain for your suffering
And your glorious new peers.

I think of you often
Over all these tough days
Of life on the planet
Where most is in haze.

Where struggles bring us light
To see far beyond
The sensory input
Such meaningless glum.

You now are much grown
You've gain more than I.
You're far more than I dreamed;
I sit here with sigh

Of relief that you're here
That you've grown to this soul.
With comfort to see
You'll learn more than I'll ever know.

That you'll make your mark
Not judged my a man,
But by whom you are within,
Your soul, your biggest fan.

Stay true to that spirit
Connected to all
Know your worth,
Realize your call.

You've nothing to prove
You are whom you are
And in 1997,
Your mom and I literally made a new star.

You ARE our universe, Carly Grace Bowles.

Happy Birthday!  I so much love you.

Yes. I know I'm early. Lol

Muah!!!!

Before the football game we fought, today after work i was still in tears i **** you not. She wants a break and some space. Still loves me but i may be replaced. Its funny how i wouldn't eat after she said so. the smile looked so real but i have already known. kisses were real but now it may not happen again. these wounds are not to be cured, no ones there and sooner or later i sob till i begin to slur. Tears happening non stop. all this struggle now shes gone in to a new spot. I'd smell her hair when she had laid on my chest, play with the hair and lose my breath. stunned by the beauty and remind her to shut off her lights. Put your glasses away babe you may break them and im a snap chat you kisses for good night. ( left cheek, right cheek, lips, nose nuzzles, forehead muah) these tears are not stopping and now my hearts pounding. babe please lets get back, now that your gone i eat not cuz im hungry but my heart tells me howd you feel. i keeps the lights on and my glasses on the bed because it reminds me what we had. this hurts its so real. i miss your love and miss the Joyce but i fail and drown alone in these tears. Please baby imissyou and iloveyou alottle, i promise to do  what i can and for sure i am as if right now no man. I am in TEARS and the nightmare and fear came true.

Sitting within sounds of the preacher preaching
And people seated just to hear the word of Jesus bleeding
Blends my concoction of thoughts into fumes
Of congregational broth
Inhale tears and thankful praises to the heavens
Uncontainable, yet liberation brief
"Page 90 of your hymnal please"
Be "Joyous and triumphant" in your seat

And one time she was the sea
And he was the sky
Flowing like holy water breathing in God's
Heavy slumber
Destruction is imminent my dear
Who bringth this down?!
"Not I!"  
So singth Judas to Jesus
To easeth wavering spirits
Jesus' wayfaring spirit searching
For the kiss of the Demon

-Muah-  

Earth shattering purse of the lips  
Alarming all these cardinals
Like we already needed a pope.
The creed, the creed, the creed,
Messiah on High, The Bread of Life,
"Stop it. Tell me where Jesus was in these streets."

And I saw and I lived, but I wasn't.

Never bore the political hues of these streets
Every corner stirring up a new beef on these streets
Everyday I had to walk through these streets
"Who you be? Who you be?"
Hands itching through their soul for the heat.
Another life in the grave.
Buried,  
Obsolete,  
For this dingy old hood
Night and day people slinging for the "cure"
"Get this money. Get this money. Man, I gotta get this money."
"Get the honeys. Get the honeys. Man, I gotta get the-" bleep
Lost my very first love to these streets.

Jump out the car,  
New resolve,  
Lost my cousin to these streets.

He died, seconds after taking the leap.  

So I believe, Jesus was in those streets
And told him as a changed man
To "Come and be with Me."

Forgiveness.

And the day you gave me ten naira,
With love;
And made the most delicious fufu with okra on Christmas day,
With more love;
And sold all your crates of soft drinks just so we could feed,
With inexplicable love;
And although you would baby this man and annoy me! Gosh!
All with undying love;
I deserve no other mother but you,
And I love you, mummy.
GOD bless you everyday of your selfless life. Live forever, mummy. Muah!!

Happy Mother's Day to Mama Dada <3

I've always wanted,
But never believed...
That I'd feel so much;
And deeply need.

That I'd hold such beauty,
Body and soul...
In these beaten arms
That'd grown so cold.

Then you gazed at my spirit;
You held my ****.
You wanted me in you,
In or out of my socks;)

Yet it's not only your desire,
That draws me near.
That quenches my thirst
While drying my tears.

It's not your gaze
Into my heart.
Nor your laughing
When I have to ****.

It's not the late night
*******.
Nor watching each other sleep
As we sit aching.

It's not the look
That's in our eyes,
As we hold crackers and slices of bread
In between our asscheeks and thighs.

It's not the *******
On a desk.
Or the the craving kisses
Upon **** and *******.

It's not your hair
Ticking my face.
Or even your lines
That I love to trace.

It's not all that, but ALL that;
And more, you see?
It's the dream that you'll realize
How much you need me.

As I need need you
Like a breath needs the air.
Like birds must sing
To show the world
There is beauty and care.

Like music is nothing
Without sound.
Like tears still fall
From hearts of broken clowns.

Like water must flow,
From mountains to sea.
Like with too much *****,
You have to ***. ;)

Like stars must shine,
When clouds are gone.
Like I see your beauty
And it is my song.

For the song of us
Is a warm breeze that blows;
It's my longing
For you to know...

That you always wanted,
But never believed...
That you'd feel so much;
And deeply need.

That you'd hold such beauty,
bodies and souls;
As ours are together,
Fire inside us burning
Far hotter than coals.

For you to know passion
Of a love that'll never die.
For you to know and love yourself,
Never, ever having to hide.

For your dreams unseen to awaken
As you've awakened mine.
For you to marry a mind and soul
Of your own kind.

Of someone who longs
To dance with you in bars;
Or naked in moonlight
Atop our car.

Whose whisper "I love you"
Takes your breath away.
And gives it back
With a kiss and "I'll stay".

I want you to know
This feeling inside.
The one that has capture
Even that I try to hide.

That aching; the craving.
That glorious yearn.
That causes a smile,
Without which you'd burn.

To know you felt
Such a beautiful thing,
I'd bow to your beauty;
I'd offer a ring.

So if you can love me,
A heart trampled, a mess.
The love sweet gal, my friend.
Experience all I see in you, my lovely angel, Jess.

Muah XO

PS--another beautiful, soul touching, **** would be nice;)

Know I love you, Brb.

I WANNA SAY SORRY AHEAD OF TIME FOR THIS POORLY WRITTEN POEM. Lol

Hey steph wats up
I was gonna jot something down that would make u tear.
But i dicided to spare you, but let me make one thing clear.
since ur moving away and trust me that sux.
im gonna make u feel sad cuz I GIVES NO ***. (lol)

Big deal ur moving its not like i care.
But some things ill miss are ur eyes and that STARE.
Ur smile is ok, i guess thats cool too.
And THAT *** OH! THAT ***, girl wat that *** do?. (****)

GOOGZ!
YOUR FACE, I LIKE THAT ****!

Your as cool as they come steph, what else do i say
I wish for you all the best,    EVERYDAY!!!!!
Keep urself focused on what u wanna do
I know ull help alot of people problems even the KOOKOOS!

"I admire the strength u have and the courage u have shown"
"In facing all your hardships and troubles that youve known"

I stole that one.

Love ya googz its not goodbye cuz goodbye insinuates "forgetting"
Its SEE YOU LATER.         XOXOXO MUAH