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Martin Narrod Apr 2014
12 Monkeys
17 Girls
127 Hours
2 Days in New York 2012
2 Days in Paris 2010
2001 A Space Odyssey
360
A Beautiful Mind
A Bridge Too Far
A Few Good Men
A Single Man
A Perfect Getaway
A Serbian Film
A Very Long Engagement
A.I.
Absolute Power
Adaptation
Airborne
Air Force One
Airplane 1
Airplane 2
Albert Nobbs
Alex Cross
Alpha Dog
American Beauty
American Gangster
Amorres Perros
Amour
Anchorman
Andy Warhol's Bad 1977
Andy Warhol's ******* 1964
Andy Warhol's Eat 1964
Animal Kingdom
Annie Hall
Anti-Christ
Apocalypse Now Redux
Apollo 13
Arachnophobia
Apt Pupil
Armageddon
Babel
Backdraft
Bad Company
Bad Education
Badlands 1973
Barton Fink
Basquiat
Before Night Falls
Being Flynn
Beneath Hill 60
Beyond the Black Rainbow
Billy Madison
Biutiful - Spanish
Blade 1
Blade 2
Blade 3
Blade Runner Final Cut
Blades of Glory
Blood Work
Blue Valentine
Breach
Broken Arrow
Born on the Fourth of July
Boyz in the Hood
Bullet
Bulworth
Brothers
Caddyshack 1 & 2
Career Opportunities
Carlos The Jackal The Movie
Carne by Gaspar Noe - French
Cashback
CB4
Charlie Wilson's War
Chelsea Girls 1966
Cherry
Chinatown
Ciao Manhattan ft. Edie Sedgewick 1972
Cinema Paradiso
City of God
Clear and Present Danger
Closely Watched Trains - Czech
Contact
Corpse Bride
Courage Under Fire
Crazy Stupid Love
Dark Shadows
Dave 1993
Daybreakers
Days of Heaven
Dazed and Confused
Dead Presidents
Defiance
Desperately Seeking Susan
Despicable Me
Detachment
Die Hard Quadrilogy
**** Tracy
***** Harry
Django Unchained
Dogtooth - Greek
Dogville
Doubt
Dracula, Bram Stoker's
Dragonheart
Dream House
Drive
Drop Zone
Dumbo
Dune Extended Edition
Ears Open, Eyeballs Click
Easier With Practice
Easy Rider 1969
Edward Scissorhands
Empire of the Sun
Encino Man
Enter the Void by Gaspar Noe
Eraser 1999
Eyes Wide Shut 1999
Face Off 1997
Fallen
Fantastic Mr. Fox
Fast Times at Ridgemont High
Fight Club
Fill the Void
Fish Tank
Fitzcarraldo
Five Minutes in Heaven
Flickan 2009 - Swedish
Flubber 1997
Folks!
Forbidden Planet 1956
Fracture
Friday 1995
Friday After Next 2002
Frost Nixon
******* Amal - Swedish
Full Metal Jacket
Funny Farm 1988
Funny Games
Fur- An Imaginary Portrait of Diane Arbus
G.I. Jane
G.I. Joe Retaliation
Gangs of New York
Gangster Squad
Garden State
Get Rich or Die Tryin'
Ghostbusters 1
Girlfriend
Girl, Interrupted
Glengarry Glen Ross
Gomorra - Italian
Great Expectations 1998
Greenberg
Grindhouse Death Proof
Grindhouse Planet Terror
Groundhog Day 1993
Grumpy Old Men
Grumpier Old Men
Gummo
Gus Van Sant's Last Days
Half Nelson
Hannibal
Havoc
Haywire
Heartbreak Ridge
Heat
Hell on the Pacific 1986
Hesher
Hitchcock
Holy Rollers
Hook
Honey I Shrunk the Kids
Hyde Park on Hudson
I Am Curious Blue
I Am Curious Yellow
I Heart Huckabees
I Stand Alone by Gaspar Noe - French
If Looks Could **** 1991
I'm Not There
In Bruges
In The Line of Fire
Inglorious Basterds
Inland Empire
Innerspace 1987
Innocence
Interview With the Vampire
Jacob's Ladder
James Bond - Diamonds Are Forever 1971
James Bond - From Russia With Love 1963
James Bond - Goldfinger 1964
James Bond - Never Say Never Again 1983
James Bond - On Her Majesty's Secret Service 1969
James Bond - Thunderball 1965
James Bon - You Only Live Twice 1967
Jane Eyre
Jeremiah Johnson 1972
JFK
Joe Versus the Volcano
Johnny English 2
Julien Donkey-Boy
Juno
Just Cause
Kapringen aka A Hijacking - Icelandic
Ken Park
Killing Season
Killing Them Softly
Kindergarten Cop
Kingpin
Koyaanisqatsi
Krippendorf's Tribe
Kiss the Girls
La Vie En Rose
Last Night
Last of the Dogmen
Leon: The Professional
Leonard Pt. 6
Les Miserables
Lie With Me
Life of Pi
Lincoln
Lions For Lambs
Little Children
Lord of the Rings Trilogy BR Extended
Lord of War
Lost Highway
Love and Other Drugs
Love in the Time of Cholera
Love Liza
Lovers of the Arctic Circle
Mad Max 1979
Mad Max 2 1981
Mad Max 3 1985
Major Payne
Malcolm X
Man on Fire
Manhunter
Maverick 1994
Meet Joe Black
Melancholia
Menace II Society DIrector's Cut 1993
Mesrine 1 Killer Instinct - French
Mesrine 2 Public Enemy - French
Milk
Minority Report
Mission Impossible Ghost Protocol
Mister Lonely
Money Train
Moonrise Kingdom
Moulin Rouge
Mr. and Mrs. Smith
****** By Numbers
Munich
My Sassy Girl 2008
Naqoyqatsi Life As War
National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
National Treasure Book of Secrets
Never Cry Wolf
Never Let Me Go
New Jack City
New York I Love You
Night on Earth 1991 - Italian
Nixon
Not Fade Away
Notes on a Scandal
O Brother, Where Art Thou
October Sky
Olympus Has Fallen
Ondskan - Swedish
One False Move
Out of Africa
Outbreak
Palmetto
Paris Texas Criterion 1984
Passenger 57
Paths of Glory 1957
Perfect Sense
Peter Pan
Philadelphia 1993
Pinocchio
Pirate Radio
Platoon 1986
Pleasantville
*******
Project X 1987
Proof
Quiz Show
Rabbits
Revolver
Robocop Trilogy
Robot and Frank
Rolling Stone's Gimme Shelter
Romance and Cigarettes
Romeo and Juliet 1996
Sahara
Saving Private Ryan
Schindler's List
Searching For Bobby Fischer
Secretary, The
Seven Years in Tibet
Sgt. Bilko
Shame 2011
Shine
Shooter
Shopgirl
Sid and Nancy
Sin City
Sky Captain and The World of Tomorrow
Skyfall
Slackers
Sleepers
Sleeping Beauty 1959
Sleeping Beauty 2011
Sleepy Hollow
Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
Somewhere
South Central
Sphere
Spread
Spy Game
Stand Up Guys
Stay
Summer Hours - French
Sweeney Todd - The Demon Barber of Fleet Street
Synecdoche, NY
Syriana
Talk To Her - Habla Con Ella
Taken 1 & 2
Takers
****
Taxidermia
Tetro
Thank You For Smoking
That Thing You Do!
The Adjustment Bureau
The Age of Innocence by Martin Scorcese 1993
The Bad Lieutenant - Port of Call New Orleans 2009
The Basketball Diaries
The Beach 2000
The Believer
The Beverly Hillbillies
The Black Dahlia
The Blue Lagoon 1980
The Book of Eli
The Boxer
The Constant Gardner
The Conversation
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
The Darjeeling Limited
The Dark Knight
The Dark Knight Rises
The Day of the Jackal
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
The Fifth Element
The Flock
The Flowers of War
The Fountain
The Getaway
The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo 2011
The Golden Compass
The Good Shepherd
The Good The Bad and The Ugly
The Goonies
The Green Mile
The Grey
The Help
The Hudsucker Proxy
The Hurricane
The Hurt Locker
The Ice Storm
The Ides of March
The Illusionist
The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
The Impossible
The Informers
The Invasion
The Iron Lady
The Island of Dr. Moreau
The Jackal
The ****
The Killer Inside Me
The Kingdom
The Legend of Bagger Vance
The Lost Boys
The Lost Boys The Tribe
The Lost Boys Thirst
The Machinist
The Mask
The Man Who Fell to Earth 1976
The Master
The Mechanic
The Money Pit
The Naked Gun 1
The Naked Gun 2
The Naked Gun 3
The New World
The Pelican Brief
The Place Beyond the Pines
The Prestige
The Queen
The Raven
The Reader
The Red Balloon
The Right Stuff
The Road
The Rock
The Rocketeer
The Rules of Attraction
The *** Diary
The Saint
The Shawshank Redemption
The Silence of the Lambs
The Skin I Live In - Mexican
The Soloist
The Talented Mr. Ripley
The Thin Red Line
The Town
Transformers Trilogy
The Tree of Life
Tron Legacy 2010
The United States of Leland
The Usual Suspects
The Way Back
There Will Be Blood
There's Something About Mary
Three Days of the Condor
Three Kings
Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy
To the Wonder
To Rome With Love

Tombstone
Total Recall 1990
Trainspotting
Trash Humpers
True Lies
Two Lovers
Two Weeks in September(Brigette Bardot) 1967
Tyrannosaur
Unbreakable
Uncle Buck
Unforgiven
Unleashed
Unstoppable
V for Vendetta
Varsity Blues
Vertigo
Vicky Christina Barcelona
Videodrome
Virtuosity
Wag the Dog
Wake Up Ron Burgundy The Lost Movie
Walkabout
Wall Street 1987
Wall Street 2010
Wanderlust
Water World
Wayne's World 1 & 2
We Are The Night
War Witch
We Need to Talk About Kevin
Weekend by Jean-Luc Godard - French
Weekend 2011
West of Memphis
What Doesn't **** You
What's Eating Gilbert Grape
When Harry Met Sally
Where the Wild Things Are
White House Down
White Material Criterion 2009
White Oleander
Who is Harry Nilsson?
Wolf 1992
Womb
You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger
Zardoz 1974


Documentaries & Music Videos


BBC - Life in Cold Blood
BBC - Planet Earth
BBC - Rolling Stones Crossfire Hurricane
BBC - Great Bear Steakout
BBC - Ice Age Giants
BBC - Insect Worlds
BBC - Life on Earth 1979
BBC - Lost Cities of the Ancients
BBC - Operation Snow Tiger
BBC - Penguins: Spy in the Huddle
BBC - Polar Bear: Spy on the Ice
BBC - Richard Hammond's Miracles of Nature
BBC - The Life of Birds
BBC - Wonders of Life
David Blaine Collection
**** Proenke Collection - Alone and Solitude, The Frozen North
Encounters at the End of the World 2007
Nanook of the North
National Geographic Wild Kingdom of the Oceans Giants of the Deep: Whales
Shine A Light - The Rolling Stones
Vladimir Horowitz - Der Ietzte Romantiker
Vladimir Horowitz - Live in Vienna 1987
Vladimir Horowitz - The 1968 TV Concert
Whale Adventure with Nigel Marvin
Erin Hankemeier Apr 2014
There was a time when men were kind
When their voices were soft
And their words inviting
There was a time when love was blind
And the world was a song
And the song was exciting
There was a time
Then it all went wrong
I dreamed a dream in times gone by
When hope was high
And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving
Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid

No song unsung
No wine untasted

But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
And they turn your dream to shame
He slept a summer by my side
He filled my days with endless wonder
He took my childhood in his stride
But he was gone when autumn came
And still I dream he'll come to me
That we'll live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather
I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed
The dream I dreamed.
"I Dreamed A Dream" from the hit movie Les Miserables is about a woman, Fantine (Anne Hathaway), who was with a man and had a child with her. But he left Fantine and his daughter, Cosette (Isabelle Allen/Amanda Seyfried). Fantine was a factory worker, until she got thrown out. It was then, she turned to prostitution to keep her young Cosette alive. She did not want to go this far, but she felt that she had no other choice. She explains how she thought Cosette's father loved her, but it turns out he did not, now she has to pick up the pieces. She dreams the dream of love, hope, and happiness - but she feels so hopeless.

This is a song where each audience member has their own perspective of the song, but what I wrote above is MY point of view, so PLEASE keep negative comments to yourself... Thank You, and Enjoy the lyrics! :)
Erin Hankemeier Apr 2014
On my own
Pretending he's beside me
All alone
I walk with him till morning
Without him
I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way I close my eyes
And he has found me

In the rain the pavement shines like silver
All the lights are misty in the river
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me forever and forever

And I know it's only in my mind
That I'm talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say, there's a way for us

I love him
But when the night is over
He is gone
The river's just a river
Without him
The world around me changes
The trees are bare and everywhere
The streets are full of strangers

I love him
But every day I'm learning
All my life
I've only been pretending
Without me
His world will go on turning
A world that's full of happiness
That I have never known

I love him
I love him
I love him
But only on my own
"On My Own" is a song from the hit movie Les Miserables. This song is about a girl, Eponine (Samantha Barks), who has fallen head-over-heels in love with a boy, Marius (Eddie Redmayne). Unfortunately, Marius has fallen in love with another girl, Cosette (Amanda Seyfried). Marius begs Eponine to help him find Cosette, but because she hates to see Marius unhappy, she does what she is asked to do. She sings this song out of lost love... Later in the film, she ends up taking a bullet for Marius and she dies in his arms.
David Nelson Nov 2013
"Master Of The House"

My band of soaks, my den of dissolute's
My ***** jokes, my always ****** as newts
My sons of ****** spend their lives in my inn,
Homing pigeons homing in
They fly through my doors,
And they crawl out on all fours

Welcome, Monsieur, sit yourself down
And meet the best innkeeper in town
As for the rest, all of 'em crooks:
Rooking their guests and crooking the books
Seldom do you see
Honest men like me
A gent of good intent
Who's content to be

Master of the house, doling out the charm
Ready with a handshake and an open palm
Tells a saucy tale, makes a little stir
Customers appreciate a bon-viveur
Glad to do a friend a favor
Doesn't cost me to be nice
But nothing gets you nothing
Everything has got a little price!

Master of the house, keeper of the zoo
Ready to relieve 'em of a sou or two
Watering the wine, making up the weight
Pickin' up their knick-knacks when they can't see straight
Everybody loves a landlord
Everybody's ***** friend
I do whatever pleases
Jesus! Won't I bleed 'em in the end!

Master of the house, quick to catch yer eye
Never wants a passerby to pass him by
Servant to the poor, butler to the great
Comforter, philosopher, and lifelong mate!
Everybody's boon companion
Everybody's chaperone
But lock up your valises
Jesus! Won't I skin you to the bone!

Food beyond compare. Food beyond belief
Mix it in a mincer and pretend it's beef
Kidney of a horse, liver of a cat
Filling up the sausages with this and that
Residents are more than welcome
Bridal suite is occupied
Reasonable charges
Plus some little extras on the side!
(Oh Santa!)

Charge 'em for the lice, extra for the mice
Two percent for looking in the mirror twice
Here a little slice, there a little cut
Three percent for sleeping with the window shut
When it comes to fixing prices
There are a lot of tricks I knows
How it all increases, all them bits and pieces
Jesus! It's amazing how it grows!

(Oh, sorry love
Let's get something done about that)
I used to dream that I would meet a prince
But God Almighty, have you seen what's happened since?

Master of the house? Isn't worth my spit!
Comforter, philosopher' and lifelong ****!
Cunning little brain, regular Voltaire
Thinks he's quite a lover but there's not much there
What a cruel trick of nature landed me with such a louse
God knows how I've lasted living with this ******* in the house!

Master of the house!
Master and a half!
Comforter, philosopher
Don't make me laugh!
Servant to the poor, butler to the great
Hypocrite and toady and inebriate!

Everybody bless the landlord!
Everybody bless his spouse!

Everybody raise a glass
Raise it up the master's ****
Everybody raise a glass to the Master of the House!


Writer(s): Jean Marc Natel, Herbert Kretzmer, Claude Michel Schonberg, Alain Albert Boublil
Copyright: Productions Bagad, Alain Boublil Music Ltd., Boublil Alain Editions



Gomer LePoet ....
I had  the wonderful experience of seeing Les Miserables performed by the local community playhouse actors this past weekend. what a performance :)
Erin Hankemeier Apr 2014
There, out in the darkness
A fugitive running
Fallen from God
Fallen from grace
God be my witness
I never shall yield
Till we come face to face
Till we come face to face

He knows his way in the dark
Mine is the way of the Lord
And those who follow the path of the righteous
Shall have their reward
And if they fall
As Lucifer fell
The flame
The sword!

Stars
In your multitudes
Scarce to be counted
Filling the darkness
With order and light
You are the sentinels
Silent and sure
Keeping watch in the night
Keeping watch in the night

You know your place in the sky
You hold your course and your aim
And each in your season
Returns and returns
And is always the same
And if you fall as Lucifer fell
You fall in flame!

And so it has been and so it is written
On the doorway to paradise
That those who falter and those who fall
Must pay the price!

Lord let me find him
That I may see him
Safe behind bars
I will never rest
Till then
This I swear
This I swear by the stars!
"Stars" by the hit film Les Miserables, is about an officer, Javert (Russel Crowe) who is in pursuit of a convict, Jean Valjean (Hugh Jackman) who has run away to protect a young girl Cosette (Isabel Allen/Amanda Seyfried) as a death wish from the girl's mother, Fantine (Anne Hathaway). He believes that it is what God wants for him to find Valjean and make justice. He will not rest until Valjean is back behind bars where Javert thinks he should belong. Javert compares his situation to the stars in the sky because stars have order and light. the stars hold their place in the sky, Javert believes that every person has their place in society. Javert will not rest until he puts Valjean back behind bars, he swears by the stars.
Tanvi Bird Dec 2014
Progress

4:26 am. Got out of bed.

Feeling really low again. Envy at my sister's good fortune and new friends. She is getting ahead, she is in a good place- but we are not and I am definitely not. Everything in her life presently makes her happy except me. She never trusted me because I dated G. Now I don't trust her either. I don't want anything from her. I finished the story. She didn't edit. She hasn't offered me anything from her end. "Jotted down some notes" is all she said. She did that in college with all her professors, and got As. It isn't fair. See, she does things whenever she feels like it and IF. And she doesn't trust me? I stopped asking her to do anything. If she wants to she can. I did my part.

I don't know where my life is taking me. I am working ******* little ropes that come at my direction-- but I am not even sure if they are worthwhile endeavors and if they will turn into anything. I just know I have nothing else.

I consider contacting my ex, F. Why him? He's the only one messed up like me. L is married with a beautiful baby and that woman he left me for, G is probably already married by now to that other stunning girl. But F will always be alone.

He doesn't want me. Why should I contact him? I had told myself I won't contact him until I at least got a full time job. He's an Ivy League P.H.D scientist at Penn researching the brain, traveling, making intelligent beautiful friends, and doing triathlons successfully (of course the smart ones are successful at many things). However, he still has trouble finding the "one". He's ******* 37. No one is ever good enough for him. I wasn't good enough for him. *******. He's broken like me. No, he ignored me. I won't contact him. ******* can contact me if he wants to.

I realized I have no friends. None at all. I used to think I had so many friends. Mostly men that just follow me around for a while and then leave me when they realize they aint getting this *****.

There's K, but he's J's ex's friend- so our friendship is limited. There's my sis S, who I meet once every other month, but she doesn't always respond to messages (and I rarely text her anyway). There's Je- she and I meet twice a year and we don't really connect anyway. She has other best friends and I am not really in that circle.

Cas- she is academically successful(valedictorian) and has a job, but frankly she is a bit slow. Can't explain it. Plus she bailed at me about the apartment thing and strangely she doesn't like me to meet her other friends in intimate settings, she just likes meeting people one by one. Like she's met my friends and got some of their numbers, but for some reason has never provided me an opportunity to meet hers. Maybe she feels awkward introducing me since she and I met online? Since she's not philosophical or an intellectual, I don't understand the point of meeting more than once a month if it's just me and her. I like her, but she always seems high without actually being high. I feel like I have to go out of the to meet her, but she doesn't have any energy at all.

Ro- the verbally abusive drunk? Let's face it. It's a mutually beneficial- two lonely people who have no friendship compatibility uplift each other relationship- but he's actually of the the more interesting to talk to people . Then there is Chr who just flirts all the time and fights. I swear his ex wife drilled some holes into his brain. He's just rude. He acts nice, but he's ******* nuts inside. Then there are those occasional people that text you Happy New Year. When I was in a relationship, I was so consumed by it that not having friends didn't matter. I have no friends. I am completely alone. Always have been. In law school, in elementary school, in middle school- I was always the only one who sat alone.

I like sad music. I just listened to the Hollywood version of Les Miserables- one of my favorite all time literary pieces and the beautiful Selena Gomez' new single Heart Wants What it Wants. I love to hear singing melodically, softly, simply of their pain. Every single singer in that musical has a painful story. The innkeepers in their desperation, Javert, of course Fantine, Jean Valjean, and the most relatable Eponine. And the sound of the violin. And the harp.

5:13 am. Let's talk progress.

Today I finally had the trial tutoring session. It was Algebra 2. The girl who is my tutee, she is sweet and extremely hard working. As and Bs in Algebra 2 weren't enough for her. I prepared extensively. My own Algebra 2 teacher was terrible in high school. He flirted with the pretty girls and bragged about himself. I got As for nothing. We spent most of the semesters on the same one or two chapters. I've always wanted to good at everything, to redo and master everything. Maybe this is my chance to become good at everything I **** at.

I am teaching myself before I teach her. I am supposed to be proficient. I had to begin on a surface level pace today. She and her mother both seemed happy. I touched on all her first semester topics. Next week is the second trial session. I will learn more and teach her in depth. If all goes well, she will end up being my client and I will be assigned more tutees. If only I could make a full time job out of this- I totally would. Each session pays well. Of course, the first two sessions I give are complimentary. After that.

This is a gamble. If I don't get enough clients- I will still have to manage the ones I have, invest a lot of time into studying for assignments, and then still make enough money to qualify as full time- then I will be scrambling. I can't imagine possibly getting between 6-8 hours of tutoring every day, since most people get out of work after 5pm and I have to travel around for sessions. I hope it's possible. I would work very hard.

My plan is to ace this Algebra 2 tutee preparation. I have a week to make myself more of an expert.

I have to go to more networking events. Sign up for Asian Film Festival & World Affairs. Meet people. Get connected. Make friends.

Keep reading current events, legal issues, technological advancements, and foreign news.

Re-reading my previously written Step 1- Embodying Positively helped me by reminding me to trudge forward and remain strong and positive, for both my own sake and the sake of the people in the world.

6:02 am.

I am going to do a second 5k this December. My first one ever was last month. Second one in December will be progress. I've got to start practicing again.

I gave up sugar instead of meat for Advent. I felt it was much harder, but more rewarding. Today is my third day of the no sweets diet. I did have sweet iced tea and a pretzel with sweet cream cheese, but I will stop those too. I might allow myself to have just one iced tea a week- moderation is more effective than going cold turkey and messing up. This is a huge accomplishment as I am a sugar addict. I look pretty fit, except a little tummy that goes up and down and only noticed by closest family members and friends.

I need to be fit for my health, to be the best I can be, to be fit, for a future potential job in the FBI or PO.  I only get up once a night to *** now. Some nights I used to *** 6 times a day. Is that an indicator of future diabetes or what? Consuming a lot of sugar can lead to a lot of internal diseases including infertility and cancer. If I can give up sugar for one month, I may try to keep doing it. Wow.

6:27 am. Go to sleep, T. Good night moon. Good night stars. Good night Mercury. Good night everyone.

.........

12/16/2014

Went to an Asian Law Society event last week. Made a couple friends, excited to be a member and get involved. Also met a guy, hope he's Catholic so my parents will accept the relationship if I decide to go out with him. He's emotional, Korean American, and verbal- a Gemini. Interesting but probably just as crazy as me. I am looking forward to getting to know him.

Just finished my weekly career discussion group, this is my second week in attendance. I was about to give up on the group, but John one of the members, who is a runner (and I think out of work firefighter), reached out to help me by emailing my resume around to different people he knows. He's the reason I decided to keep coming until I find a job. We shall see what happens. I have a tendency to jump around to things and not see them to fruition, but I am working on developing strong skills.

Today, I am feeling grateful. I live in a generation in which globalization is both a positive and negative thing. However, today I feel positive despite all the problems. There are so many opportunities, and I just have to figure out to unlock the how.
Rose Nov 2011
snow in october
we’re all in a dream
words are the flakes we gather,
to form one spectacular scene of serenity
there will never be another feeling like this.
ice cold coming through our boots and the chap on your lip
take it grab hold
embrace the miserable october snow
En el alba de callados venenos
amanecemos serpientes.

Amanecemos piedras,
raíces obstinadas,
sed descarnada, labios minerales.

La luz en estas horas es acero,
es el desierto labio del desprecio.
Si yo toco mi cuerpo soy herido
por rencorosas púas.
Fiebre y jadeo de lentas horas áridas,
miserables raíces atadas a las piedras.

Bajo esta luz de llanto congelado
el henequén, inmóvil y rabioso,
en sus índices verdes
hace visible lo que nos remueve,
el callado furor que nos devora.

En su cólera quieta,
en su tenaz verdor ensimismado,
la muerte en que crecemos se hace espada
y lo que crece y vive y muere
se hace lenta venganza de lo inmóvil.

Cuando la luz extiende su dominio
e inundan blancas olas a la tierra,
blancas olas temblantes que nos ciegan,
y el puño del calor nos niega labios,
un fuego verde cerca al henequén,
muralla viva que devora y quema
al otro fuego que en el aire habita.
Invisible cadena, mortal soplo
que aniquila la sed de que renace.

Nada sino la luz. No hay nada, nada
sino la luz contra la luz rabiosa,
donde la luz se rompe, se desangra
en oleaje estéril, sin espuma.

El agua suena. Sueña.
El agua intocable en tu tumba de piedra,
sin salida en su tumba de aire.
El agua ahorcada,
el agua subterránea,
de húmeda lengua humilde, encarcelada.
El agua secreta en su tumba de piedra
sueña invisible en su tumba de agua.

A las seis de la tarde
alza la tierra un vaho blanquecino.
Vuelan pájaros mudos, barro helado.
Arrasen nubes crueles el cielo sin orillas.

Pero en la noche el agua gime.
Un cielo de metal
oprime pecho y venas
y tiembla en el ahogo el horizonte.
El agua gime entre sus negros hierros.
El hombre corre de la muerte al sueño.

El henequén vigila cielo y tierra.
Es la venganza de la tierra,
la mano de los hombres contra el cielo.
¿Qué tierra es ésta?,
¿qué extraña violencia alimenta
en su cáscara pétrea?
¿qué fría obstinación,
años de fuego frío,
petrificada saliva persistente,
acumulando lentamente un jugo,
una fibra, una púa?

Una región que existe
antes que sobre el mundo alzara el aire
su bandera de fuego y el agua sus cristales;
una región de piedra
nacida antes del nacimiento mismo de la muerte,
una región, un párpado de fiebre,
unos labios sin sueño
que recorre sin término la sed,
como el mar a las lajas en las costas desiertas.

La tierra sólo da su flor funesta,
su espada vegetal.
Su crecimiento rige
la vida de los hombres.
Por sus fibras crueles
corre una sed de arena
trepando desde sótanos ciegos,
duras capas de olvido donde el tiempo no existe.

Furiosos años lentos, concentrados,
como no derramada, oculta lágrima,
brotando al fin sombríos
en un verdor ensimismado,
rasgando el aire, pulpa, ahogo,
blanda carne invisible y asfixiada.
Al cabo de veinticinco amargos años
alza una flor sola, roja y quieta.
Una vara ****** la levanta
y queda entre los aires, isla inmóvil,
petrificada espuma silenciosa.

Oh esplendor vengativo,
única llama de este infierno seco,
¿tanta fiebre acallada,
surge en tu llama rígida, desnuda,
para cantar, sólo, tu muerte?
¡Si yo pudiera,
en esta orilla que la sed ilumina,
cantar al hombre que la habita y la puebla,
cantar al hombre que su sed aniquila!

Al hombre húmedo y persistente como lluvia,
al hombre como un árbol hermoso y ultrajado
que arranca su nacimiento al llanto,
al hombre como un río entre las llamas,
como un pájaro semejante a un relámpago.
Al hombre entre sus fines y sus frutos.

Los frutos de la tierra son los fines del hombre.
Mezcla su sal henchida con las sales terrestres
y esa sal es más tierna que la sal de los mares:
le dio Adán, con su sangre, su orgulloso castigo.

¡Si pudiera cantar
al hombre que vive bajo esta piel amarga!
El nacimiento,
el espanto nocturno,
la vasta mano que puebla y despuebla la tierra.

Entre el primer silencio y el postrero,
entre la piedra y la flor,
tú caminas. Te ciñe un pulso aéreo,
un silencio flotante,
como fuga de sangre, como humo,
como agua que olvida.

Llamas petrificadas te sostienen.
Caminas entre espadas,
casi invisible
bajo el temblor del cielo liso,
con un paso, un solo paso tierno,
un leve paso de animal que huye.

Tú caminas. Tú duermes. Tú fornicas.
Tú danzas, bebes, sueñas.
Sueñas en otros labios que prolonguen tu sueño.

Alguien te sueña, solo.
Tu nombre, polvo, piedra,
en el polvo sediento precipita su ruina.

Mas no es el ritmo oscuro del planeta,
el renacer de cada día,
el remorir de cada noche,
lo que te mueve por la tierra.
¡Oh rueda del dinero,
que ni te palpa ni te roza
y te deshace cada día!

Ángel de tierra y sueño,
agua remota que se ignora,
oh condenado,
oh inocente,
oh bestia pura entre las horas del dinero,
entre esas horas que no son nuestras nunca,
por esos pasadizos de tedio devorante
donde el tiempo se para y se desangra.

¡El mágico dinero!
Invisible y vacío,
es la señal y el signo,
la palabra y la sangre,
el misterio y la cifra,
la espada y el anillo.

Es el agua y el polvo,
la lluvia, el sol amargo,
la nube que crea el mar solitario
y el fuego que consume los aires.
Es la noche y el día:
la eternidad sola y adusta
mordiéndose la cola.

El hermoso dinero da el olvido,
abre las puertas de la música,
cierra las puertas al deseo.
La muerte no es la muerte: es una sombra,
un sueño que el dinero no sueña.

¡El mágico dinero!
Sobre los huesos se levanta,
sobre los huesos de los hombres se levanta.

Pasas como una flor por este infierno estéril,
hecho sólo del tiempo encadenado,
carrera maquinal, rueda vacía
que nos exprime y deshabita,
y nos seca la sangre,
y el lugar de las lágrimas nos mata.

Porque el dinero es infinito y crea desiertos infinitos.
Dame, llama invisible, espada fría,
tu persistente cólera,
para acabar con todo,
oh mundo seco,
oh mundo desangrado,
para acabar con todo.

Arde, sombrío, arde sin llamas,
apagado y ardiente,
ceniza y piedra viva,
desierto sin orillas.

Arde en el vasto cielo, laja y nube,
bajo la ciega luz que se desploma
entre estériles peñas.

Arde en la soledad que nos deshace,
tierra de piedra ardiente,
de raíces heladas y sedientas.

Arde, furor oculto,
ceniza que enloquece,
arde invisible, arde
como el mar impotente engendra nubes,
olas como el rencor y espumas pétreas.
Entre mis huesos delirantes, arde;
arde dentro del aire hueco,
horno invisible y puro;
arde como arde el tiempo,
como camina el tiempo entre la muerte,
con sus mismas pisadas y su aliento;
arde como la soledad que te devora,
arde en ti mismo, ardor sin llama,
soledad sin imagen, sed sin labios.
Para acabar con todo,
oh mundo seco,
para acabar con todo.
Shrinking Violet Jan 2015
My sister grumbles
when I say less miserables
Diable!
I tremble
when I think of less miserables.
In Les Misérables
everyone needs a bit of a scrub.
Jean Valjean takes a gamble
to steal a loaf or die without preamble,
and when it comes down to it,
he really only took a sample bit.
But he was caught
and sent to the docks
and ****! His life went down in shambles...
So when you think your life's a jumble
and no one cares so much as a rumble,
take a breath and then think back to
the fates of all those more and not less miserable than you.
Am convinced "Les Misérables" is an ironic title.  blah blah blah Is it bad that I cheer up when I realise that at least I'm not living in 19th Century France.

"Les Misérables (pronounced /leɪ ˌmɪzəˈrɑːb/ or /leɪ ˈmɪzəˌrɑːb/ i.e. lei miserahb )is a French historical novel by Victor Hugo, first published in 1862, that is considered one of the greatest novels of the 19th century."
James Amick Jul 2013
Rubber bracelets adorn her wrists like she just strolled out of a punk concert (like she just strolled out of middle school) , she picks the scabs of playground ostracism till they look as though they were ripped into her self esteem yesterday.

In her mind, they were.

I find her burying her face between her knees during an ice breaker activity.

The quadruple piercings on one her ear portend an imagined mosh pit, but she digs her own as she cradles herself against the wall.

Her arms are bowling alley bumpers, she throws them up around her head to protect them from the familiar miasma that pervades every inch of her whenever she is in a group of more than three.

Gutterball.

She let me in her room last night. She invited me to share in solitude w/ a good book. I brought a tattered poetry anthology. She said I could sit next to her in her bed; I took a seat at the head, she sat coiled in the far back corner against the wall, legs tucked in against her body.

She was an injured rabbit, her burrow of blankets and books only gave her so much shelter.

She eats alone at breakfast amongst the group.

She starves herself. Her blood fills her stomach as the ulcers feed her imploding hunger that half glasses of chocolate milk cannot

She was dared to eat five gummy bears, and I swear by my own scars that she was about to bawl, eyelids pulled back by the judgmental demons she sees every day in the mirror, they chastise her for the chocolate milk, but her desperate hunger wins this battle. Barely.

Her headphones are like sunglasses shielding her eyes from meeting gazes with another.

I’m sorry Sarah, no matter how hard you push your spine against the bricks you will not phase through them, you are stuck with us here for five weeks my dear, and it is only day one.

I’m sorry that all I know of you is that your name is Sarah and that your last name begins with an R, I think. I haven’t had the guts to look back at the group text message our counselors sent out to check your last name because that would be closer to stalking than I feel comfortable going.

I’m sorry that I notice how your wrists and ears contradict the smile you stitch across your face just before you hide it behind your hair, and that I notice the absolute terror in your eyes as you stare at the mass of your peers before you.

I’m sorry that noticing makes me believe that I know you at all.

I’m sorry for how they all gawk at how adorable you are when more than three people give you their attention. I can only imagine how flush your cheeks become.

But I would think that you stopped blushing years ago. The permanent outflow of blood from your aorta to your face coagulated long ago, leaving your face with a perpetual hue of dull purple. Your body doesn’t know what to do with all the excess embarrassment.

I think you compensate by blood letting.

The only bracelet you wear that suits you is of the Deathly Hallows. A tiny silver stencil on a blue piece of twine. It’s blue like the four A.M. sky.

I think it gives you strength.

Sarah, your arms are not an invisibility cloak. While your hair may hide your face and your bracelets your scars, the world will see you.

It’s ironic that the very things you use to protect yourself bear your self-loathing like a family crest.

Class time. She darts to the back corner desk like a painted swordtail to a coral shoal, she curses her opaque scarlet hue, she thinks it ugly but the reef can still see her beauty behind the jagged outcroppings of her fragmented self-esteem. It shines through and refracts off the water, viscous like teenage judgment, and we see the spectrum of her beauty.

She’s a cognitive science major. She looks for a road map through her own thoughts in the curriculum, turn left at her fear of eating in front of others, bear right at her boyfriend of four months. She tries to make herself two dimensional at the lunch table, arms strapped to her sides like a straight jacket.

She jokingly told me to stop whistling about dreamt dreams and the French Revolution, she said it would make her cry. So I stopped.

I’ve never read Les Miserables, but I’ve sung enough about dreamt dreams to know that Life can fill your lungs like a zeppelin and can resonate through your mouth like Notre Dame just before Sunday mass if you only let it.

Let Life build a cathedral inside of you Sarah. The bricks are yours for the taking, and we are all standing here beside you with mortar at the ready.
That Mexican hunger of memory,
That 7- 10 evening shift,
Campesinos de Chihuahua,
Sinaloans de Durango,
Day laborers:
Organized Labor’s stubborn cohort,
Largely ungovernable,
With Union Label conspicuous in absence.
Labor Unions:
Largely dead in America,
Except for SIEU, of course,
Making astonishing strides in unskilled circles.
SIEU: The Future of the American Labor Movement,
Eugene Debs rolling over in his grave again.
But I digress.
Mexican gardeners:
Doing most of southern California’s
Weekly landscaping these days.
Tree-trimming in evening twilight,
Certainly an extracurricular
Earning activity these days.
“Hustlers Only” need apply.
Adding five or ten or twenty,
Cash on Tio Sammy's barrelhead,
Mexican tree trimmers, already exhausted from
A workday that began at 6 AM.
And isn't it a pity?
A moment’s lack of concentration,
Distracted, perhaps, by *****-spirit former selves,
Sipping that last shot of afternoon tequila.
Cue Jay & the Americans:
“In a little café on the other side of the border.
She was giving me looks that made my mouth water.”
Distracted, a chainsaw arcs carnelian.
ReCue Jay et al: The chainsaw
“That belonged to JOSE!
Yes I knew. Yes I knew. Yes I knew.”
Severing his right shoulder deltoid,
A butchering to say the least,
Requiring, at least, three weeks “en casa.”
Tres semanas
Without Labor,
Consequently,
Without Capital,
No wage-slave salt lick.
“No dinero” for bread and butter.
Bread and butter?
A consummation devoutly wished for.
And dead certainly,
Better than Guns or Butter?
That Hobson’s choice.
No Padron LBJ are you,
Down along the Pedernales
Texas Hill Country, west of Austin.
Conjuring up both Guns and Butter?
You can’t have both.
Which is why we laboring folk
Always opt for the former,
Knowing instinctively that
A full-flush, spurting military-industrial complex
Means full employment and good times,
Except, of course, for the soldier boys.

“Y los sueños.”
Bourgeoisie entrechats.
I hear America still singing, faintly now.
A shrinking middle-class siren song--
Just a little something--
Some small baited hook--
Some chum bucket for Les Miserables;
Swarthy aspirants.
“Y los sueños.”
Our hunger of memory,
That once booming American 20th Century;
Horatio Alger:
Alive & kicking in the new millennium.
TOD HOWARD HAWKS Mar 2020
LES MISERABLES

Are we all not in the cast of Les Miserables?
A bishop, a thief, a ******* so beautiful she
sells herself to save her child. An obsessed
gendarme so full of rage he does not know it
is he himself whom he is seeking. A loaf of
bread to spread among his family. Twenty
years he spends in hard labor because he
cannot bear to see his child die. I cry. What
is this book about, I shout? Does not everyone
descry that he is she, that all are one? Here,
says the bishop, you forgot to take the other.
It is not silver that changes this man. It is
love. It is always love, the precious mettle
of the heart.

Copyright 2020 Tod Howard Hawks
A graduate of Andover and Columbia College, Columbia University, Tod Howard Hawks has been a poet and human-rights advocate his entire adult life. He recently finished his novel, A CHILD FOR AMARANTH.
En el fondo del pecho estamos juntos,
en el cañaveral del pecho recorremos
un verano de tigres,
al acecho de un metro de piel fría,
al acecho de un ramo de inaccesible cutis,
con la boca olfateando sudor y venas verdes
nos encontramos en la húmeda sombra que deja caer besos.

Tú mi enemiga de tanto sueño roto de la misma manera
que erizadas plantas de vidrio, lo mismo que campanas
deshechas de manera amenazante, tanto como disparos
de hiedra negra en medio del perfume,
enemiga de grandes caderas que mi pelo han tocado
con un ronco rocío, con una lengua de agua,
no obstante el mudo frío de los dientes y el odio de los ojos,
y la batalla de agonizantes bestias que cuidan el olvido,
en algún sitio del verano estamos juntos
acechando con labios que la sed ha invadido.
Si hay alguien que traspasa
una pared con círculos de fósforo
y hiere el centro de unos dulces miembros
y muerde cada hoja de un bosque dando gritos,
tengo también tus ojos de sangrienta luciérnaga
capaces de impregnar y atravesar rodillas
y gargantas rodeadas de seda general.

Cuando en las reuniones
el azar, la ceniza, las bebidas,
el aire interrumpido,
pero ahí están tus ojos oliendo a cacería,
a rayo verde que agujerea pechos,
tus dientes que abren manzanas de las que cae sangre,
tus piernas que se adhieren al sol dando gemidos,
y tus tetas de nácar y tus pies de amapola,
como embudos llenos de dientes que buscan sombra,
como rosas hechas de látigo y perfume, y aun,
aun más, aun más,
aun detrás de los párpados, aun detrás del cielo,
aun detrás de los trajes y los viajes, en las calles donde la gente orina,
adivinas tos cuerpos,
en las agrias iglesias a medio destruir, en las cabinas que el mar lleva en las manos,
acechas con tus labios sin embargo floridos,
rompes a cuchilladas la madera y la plata,
crecen tus grandes venas que asustan:
no hay cáscara, no hay distancia ni hierro,
tocan manos tus manos,
y caes haciendo crepitar las flores negras.

Adivinas los cuerpos
Como un insecto herido de mandatos,
adivinas el centro de la sangre y vigilas
los músculos que postergan la aurora, asaltas sacudidas,
relámpagos, cabezas,
y tocas largamente las piernas que te guían.

Oh conducida herida de flechas especiales!

Hueles lo húmedo en medio de la noche?

O un brusco vaso de rosales quemados?

Oyes caer la ropa, las llaves, las monedas
en las espesas casas donde llegas desnuda?

Mi odio es una sola mano que te indica
el callado camino, las sábanas en que alguien ha dormido
con sobresalto: llegas
y ruedas por el suelo manejada y mordida,
y el viejo olor del ***** como una enredadera
de cenicienta harina se desliza a tu boca.

Ay leves locas copas y pestañas,
aire que inunda un entreabierto río
como una sola paloma de colérico cauce,
como atributo de agua sublevada,
ay substancias, sabores, párpados de ala viva
con un temblor, con una ciega flor temible,
ay graves, serios pechos como rostros,
ay grandes muslos llenos de miel verde,
y talones y sombra de pies, y transcurridas
respiraciones y superficies de pálida piedra,
y duras olas que suben la piel hacia la muerte
llenas de celestiales harinas empapadas.

Entonces, este río
va entre nosotros, y por una ribera
vas tú mordiendo bocas?
Entonces es que estoy verdaderamente, verdaderamente lejos
y un río de agua ardiendo pasa en lo oscuro?
Ay cuántas veces eres la que el odio no nombra,
y de qué modo hundido en las tinieblas,
y bajo qué lluvias de estiércol machacado
tu estatua en mi corazón devora el trébol.

El odio es un martillo que golpea tu traje
y tu frente escarlata,
y los días del corazón caen en tus orejas
como vagos búhos de sangre eliminada,
y los collares que gota a gota se formaron con lágrimas
rodean tu garganta quemándote la voz como con hielo.

Es para que nunca, nunca
hables, es para que nunca, nunca
salga una golondrina del nido de la lengua
y para que las ortigas destruyan tu garganta
y un viento de buque áspero te habite.

En dónde te desvistes?
En un ferrocarril, junto a un peruano rojo
o con un segador, entre terrones, a la violenta
luz del trigo?
O corres con ciertos abogados de mirada terrible
largamente desnuda, a la orilla del agua de la noche?

Miras: no ves la luna ni el jacinto
ni la oscuridad goteada de humedades,
ni el tren de cieno, ni el marfil partido:
ves cinturas delgadas como oxígeno,
pechos que aguardan acumulando peso
e idéntica al zafiro de lunar avaricia
palpitas desde el dulce ombligo hasta las rosas.

Por qué sí? Por qué no? Los días descubiertos
aportan roja arena sin cesar destrozada
a las hélices puras que inauguran el día,
y pasa un mes con corteza de tortuga,
pasa un estéril día,
pasa un buey, un difunto,
una mujer llamada Rosalía,
y no queda en la boca sino un sabor de pelo
y de dorada lengua que con sed se alimenta.
Nada sino esa pulpa de los seres,
nada sino esa copa de raíces.

Yo persigo como en un túnel roto, en otro extremo
carne y besos que debo olvidar injustamente,
y en las aguas de espaldas cuando ya los espejos
avivan el abismo, cuando la fatiga, los sórdidos relojes
golpean a la puerta de hoteles suburbanos, y cae
la flor de papel pintado, y el terciopelo cagado por las ratas y la cama
cien veces ocupada por miserables parejas, cuando
todo me dice que un día ha terminado, tú y yo
hemos estado juntos derribando cuerpos,
construyendo una casa que no dura ni muere,
tú y yo hemos corrido juntos un mismo río
con encadenadas bocas llenas de sal y sangre,
tú y yo hemos hecho temblar otra vez las luces verdes
y hemos solicitado de nuevo las grandes cenizas.

Recuerdo sólo un día
que tal vez nunca me fue destinado,
era un día incesante,
sin orígenes, Jueves.
Yo era un hombre transportado al acaso
con una mujer hallada vagamente,
nos desnudamos
como para morir o nadar o envejecer
y nos metimos uno dentro del otro,
ella rodeándome como un agujero,
yo quebrantándola como quien
golpea una campana,
pues ella era el sonido que me hería
y la cúpula dura decidida a temblar.

Era una sorda ciencia con cabello y cavernas
y machacando puntas de médula y dulzura
he rodado a las grandes coronas genitales
entre piedras y asuntos sometidos.

Éste es un cuento de puertos adonde
llega uno, al azar, y sube a las colinas,
suceden tantas cosas.

Enemiga, enemiga,
es posible que el amor haya caído al polvo
y no haya sino carne y huesos velozmente adorados
mientras el fuego se consume
y los caballos vestidos de rojo galopan al infierno?

Yo quiero para mí la avena y el relámpago
a fondo de epidermis,
y el devorante pétalo desarrollado en furia,
y el corazón labial del cerezo de junio,
y el reposo de lentas barrigas que arden sin dirección,
pero me falta un suelo de cal con lágrimas
y una ventana donde esperar espumas.

Así es la vida,
corre tú entre las hojas, un otoño
***** ha llegado,
corre vestida con una falda de hojas y un cinturón de metal amarillo,
mientras la neblina de la estación roe las piedras.

Corre con tus zapatos, con tus medias,
con el gris repartido, con el hueco del pie, y con esas manos que el tabaco salvaje adoraría,
golpea escaleras, derriba
el papel ***** que protege las puertas,
y entra en medio del sol y la ira de un día de puñales
a echarte como paloma de luto y nieve sobre un cuerpo.

Es una sola hora larga como una vena,
y entre el ácido y la paciencia del tiempo arrugado
transcurrimos,
apartando las sílabas del miedo y la ternura,
interminablemente exterminados.
Joe Cole Aug 2015
Do You Hear The People Sing

Do you hear the people sing?
Singing a song of angry men?
It is the music of the people
Who will not be slaves again
When the beating of your heart
Echos the beating of the drums
There is a life about to start
When tomorrow comes

*The opening verse from the greatest song from Les Mis, a song so full of emotion and passion that it can make the hairs on your arms stand up or bring a tear to your eye. If you've never heard it then find it on YouTube
Cyril Blythe Nov 2012
Plunge, colder+deeper, illuminosity, shame, boats,
fear, family, disappointment, roots, train,*

Lights,
Camera,
Action:


When you told me, “no”
you called me “******”
and you became the Quarterback
you used to be.

You refused to watch
my musicals because football
“What real men do, boy”
ran in your blood.

So, I swore never to forgive
the blood that named me
your son because you threw
a pass and I didn’t have hands.

Winter was cold and the stage
was warm, unlike pigskin goose bumps
or Gatorade that you tried
to force onto my hands.

Then you finally came
to watch me sing
in Les Miserables and
you wept, warm tears.

“Proud of you, son”
you cried, and we wept
and my cold heart thawed
because of bloods warmth.

**Lights
Camera
Scene.
victor tripp Sep 2013
this misery is like none I've ever known  walking on these cobblestone streets lost without someone to care or shelter of a home.paris the city of lights  has turned its back on me and locked deep within is  a yearning love that nobody else can see.this cold pouring rain is not a good environment al that has been suffered was self induced and not heaven sent the world I know has a place that will open wide and this waif fortune has a kind smiling face that will cause this woman in the streets cast adrift to follow a new path home.
ZL Sep 2014
if my purpose was to live
my job has not begun.

if my purpose is to die.
my job here is done.

the world tells me to have fun;
but I feel nothing; I've grown numb.

may death come soon;
MAY KINGDOM COME!
Sputnik Andrade Jul 2013
Tal vez soy un pedazo de madera.

Un tronco que antaño fue encina, y ahora es nada más un pedazo del todo que me componía. Las agujas del pino que sigue en pie me caen en la cara, se sienten como arañas, pero son agujas que el pino deja caer sin mala intención. Las bellotas y las piñas de mis hermanos gigantes rebotan en medio de la noche. Caen miserables como yo yazgo miserable. Se cubren de tierra como yo me cubro de tierra. Y guardan silencio.

Tal vez soy una avenida en silencio.

Pavimento apaciguado y asfalto abandonado. Las pezuñas tranquilas de un venado pródigo me acarician por un momento, un brevísimo momento, el momento en que cruza de un campo a otro, de una arboleda a la otra, de ese mundo a mi izquierda y de ese otro a mi derecha. El frío cala hasta los huesos, las piernas se mueven ligeras mientras huyen de la luz; me extiendo ancha y larga como una carretera. Izquierda y derecha.

Tal vez, y esto es más factible, soy una decisión.

Me desdoblo en múltiples ramificaciones, opciones, alternativas, dilemas; me encuentro en una encrucijada para después encontrarme frente a otra encrucijada. Mi elección, en el primer segundo de que es pensada, me desarma y me vuelve a armar. Las piezas parecen estar en el mismo lugar pero no lo están. Mi pie, el primero en adelantarse, ya no me pertenece; mi mano se entrega a ese nuevo mundo sin miedo, y mis codos, mis rodillas, la nuca helada. La casi-luna ampara mi marcha.

Pero más seguramente soy solamente el cielo nocturno.

Aparentes pequeños puntos rutilantes, aparentes nubes quietas, aparente Luna Llena; un lienzo de apariencias, de tonalidades difuminadas, nunca de colores concretos, un manto oscurecido por las mentiras, por las verdades calladas, que se dicen en susurros a un centímetro de la oreja pero que se confunden con el sonido del viento, con las hojas de las árboles que bailan, con las nubes que corren febriles. Soy un sólo ojo atento. Siempre muy abierto. Soy el testigo del tronco de encina que abre los ojos y me mira, de la avenida aplastada por el mutismo, de las decisiones que se formulan detrás de los pulmones y no en la boca.

Y hablan todos: “Y la única sensación era el peso del cielo en mi frente. Te preguntaba que era todo aquello y me respondías con una quieta mirada.”

“No siento,” decían, “pero me muerdo los labios”.
Ottar Feb 2014
Promises are made to be broken,
as a stereotype that is a mere token,
that I will leave with you,
where am I going too, that you can not be
with me?

No where and everywhere all at once,
there is much, I see I could put in poetry,
but I promised, my self, among my many selves,
that I would pull out of my computer and off of the shelves
the three stories one hundred and fifty thousand six hundred and forty two words
in total
on the whole
and add and edit and add and review, maybe change a genre, just for you a
possible future reader or critic.

There are dark unknown shadows when and where I go, where I'll stop to sleep
oh I don't know, I will travel far but maybe end up no where I know, I hear there is
a snow storm coming, best to stay indoors, which I seldom do no matter what
Ms. Nature has in store.

If I find time on my hands, don't mind the ink pains or blood stains when I do,
for it'll mean, I am bored or I miss all of you I may be gone a month or two,
I could be radical and call it a sabbatical but I still have to go to my day job, so lets
plan on meeting by March 31st, I may get a burst of inspiration and what is the
worst that could happen is I write a poem or two, read all you written, and leave
footprints and refuse behind so that you'll know "I have been" and left a mess
for you to clean
while not trying to be obscene, um I mean make a scene.

As well I have some paperwork to do, which make cost me time but if IT, I  do
not do, IT will cost me more, emotional currency is more dear than bitcoin,
could you spare a few? (Emotions I mean if I run out, leaving me drained,
stuck in the DOWN spout?)

I will be listening to music while a way, Great Big Sea inspires me, anything Celtic,
Mumford and Sons, Good For Grapes, and the sound track to Les Miserables,
some classical music and the odd opera piece, no seriously I mean ODD, and then
there is all that jazz... I am really not going, I hate goodbyes, I will be writing
quite close even, Nearby.

I would blow you a kiss and say "mwahh", if you did not take that as an advance,
and if you would be so kind as to blow one my way, I will put it near to my heart
so it keeps beating away.
This is a good thing, message me and I will return a note, it just might be the thing that reminds to breath... and no this is not a New's Year Resolution...it is a revolution based on a revelation
Where Shelter Jul 2017
maelstrom meltdown on Third Avenue**

<•>

the crushing came from nowhere external,
walking calm, southbound on Third Avenue, 7:00am,
found myself lost, slumped up against an unopened bank

copious weeping an acceptable addition to the malignant,
maelstrom meltdown turmoil, turbulence,
such tumult that weighed so-heavy that my disordered confusion recognized no boundaries of shame,
all chaos fission fussing into fusion

new friends, passerby's all, asking, even pleading,
offering water, coffee, solace with milk, counseling kindness,
the inexplicity, thereof, a suited man, so normally workbound;
the timidity, to inquire what's wrong, fearful of an answer's danger,
the enormity, thereof, worse, the hollowness of any responsive words

there lay I, till the police asked me to move along
or be arrested; I moved on for was I not already arrested?

my vortex, center of a swirling eddy,
a wind whipped maelstrom whirlpool,
shortly to consumed, bedlam no more, and the blood in me revererbrates that mournful prayer music of my child that cohabits,
never departs or wavers,
n'ere ceases or changes,
Les Miserables
"Bring Him Home"
supplanting the desperation of a living sin,
mine own breathing sounds

as I said,
the crushing came from nowhere external


<•>
for Steve and Tonya
"Bring Him Home"
(from "Les Miserables" musical)

Valjean
God on high
Hear my prayer
In my need
You have always been there
He is young
He's afraid
Let him rest
Heaven blessed.
Bring him home
Bring him home
Bring him home.
He's like the son I might have known
If God had granted me a son.
The summers die
One by one
How soon they fly
On and on
And I am old
And will be gone.
Bring him peace
Bring him joy
He is young
He is only a boy
You can take
You can give
Let him be
Let him live
If I die
Let me die
Let him live
Bring him home
Bring him home
Bring him home
Alysha L Scott Oct 2014
By the tedious twists of fury,
the miserables love to scurry

But in their dance, a farce by chance
In love am I, with the miserables
merry.
M Clement May 2015
Writing,
Reflecting the inmost being, or simply what's wallowing at the top of the subconscious.
Consciousness, divinity, split pea soup shredding through me.
Mental perceptivity and **** beads: better out than in, I always say.
Check yourself before you Shrek yourself.
Green Onions tell me in grocery stores, "It's never Ogre."

I once thought the world to be flat. Maybe you thought that, perhaps you didn't.
Fluid change of though patterns strike at the heal of the what wasn't.
Wasps leave me be. I drained the pool where I used to be.
He told me the other day; he told me nothing.

Hugh Jackman's nasally in the Les Miserables film.  That doesn't rhyme with anything, it's just true.
Weeeeee
Yenson Jan 2022
Call me dour and unimaginative
even say in foggy vistas
that I am numb and thick-skinned
but without mendacity
I duly hand on heart thus proclaim
I just cannot at all relate
to these croaky periphrastic fantasies
of weak disenchanted ghosts
who cursing their opaque transparency
in vacuous bland plasma
crave sojourn in howling and bawling
begging attention and validity
excusez moi mon petite les miserables
but your fantasies
neither resonates nor romanticize
in the sublime realities
of those who walk on solid terra firma
and despite ghostlore
do still see themselves in the dark
and know to keep things real
Sam Conrad Dec 2013
258 days,

March
Man, march was two steps forward and one step back for us.
Several things happened in March
Heidi still wouldn't shut up
I think I admitted to you I was having flashbacks of her when I was with you,
I'm sure that didn't feel too great for you. You couldn't blame yourself (did you? I'm so sorry)
There were times when I kissed you I had to stop and look into your eyes
You're beautiful, were then, were now, when I looked, it cured my flashbacks
So that's where the whole thing happened where you were like
"What?" and I told you you were "just beautiful" ...you were just beautiful. So wonderful.
Things going well!
But... ... ...
Second week of March, I come over one evening, stayed till dark
We're allowed up in your room, hooray! You kept the door open so we wouldn't get in trouble
That night,
You had on Chicago the Musical, playing on the TV in your room
In hindsight, the plot is quite clever and I'll probably watch it someday soon as I'm crying over you
...anyway
Yes, I'm cursed with a memory that good...
I didn't like musicals. I put up this silly front and told you I thought they were too fake.
I was a little mean. I just told you that if you liked musicals though that was okay...
Except it turns out in the future I didn't let it be okay
Anyway, Joanna came upstairs, we just picked another movie...
I'm pretty sure I said "I really would rather not watch a musical, something else would be fine"
Ended up...
Playing Halo with Andrew in between making out
Until I left around 8:15
But I forgot my phone charger there
Came back to pick it up, but this information is insignificant
... ... ...
So third week it is, we go out to see the AYP / AYS Spring Side-By-Side Concert
Just so happened to play selections from Les Miserables
You sung really beautifully
And all my stupid self could do was look at you like I wanted to tape your mouth shut
Leaned away from you a little, you were on my left, I leaned on my right arm
I even remember which row and seats we were sitting in
I remember how you asked what was wrong
I told you "nothing" and I couldn't say more

Sweet girl, I have to stop this story right now because at that moment, I knew very well how stupid it was that I was doing that to you. I realized I got extremely defensive over the stupidest **** in the world, but I couldn't get over my stupid reaction. So I just quit talking. But I was quite bothered. But I couldn't help it. But it was so ******* mean.

Reminiscent of how I treated Heidi...how I did that to you. Heidi would hurt me and I didn't want to hurt her so I just gritted my teeth and told her it was nothing. Over time it got worse and I got angry over the dumbest ****, before I finally gathered the courage to break up with her.

I knew that I loved you exactly as you were, but you got the leftovers from my ****** relations with her and I'm so ******* sorry I did that to you, that I coaxed you to change, that I ruined something that made you happy for you

If I could go back to March I would, I would beat the absolute **** out of my past self for what I did...
Los jóvenes homosexuales y las muchachas amorosas,
y las largas viudas que sufren el delirante insomnio,
y las jóvenes señoras preñadas hace treinta horas,
y los roncos gatos que cruzan mi jardín en tinieblas,
como un collar de palpitantes ostras sexuales
rodean mi residencia solitaria,
como enemigos establecidos contra mi alma,
como conspiradores en traje de dormitorio
que cambiaran largos besos espesos por consigna.

El radiante verano conduce a los enamorados
en uniformes regimientos melancólicos,
hechos de gordas y flacas y alegres y tristes parejas:
bajo los elegantes cocoteros, junto al océano y la luna
hay una continua vida de pantalones y polleras,
un rumor de medias de seda acariciadas,
y senos femeninos que brillan como ojos.

El pequeño empleado, después de mucho,
después del tedio semanal, y las novelas leídas de noche, en cama,
ha definitivamente seducido a su vecina,
y la lleva a los miserables cinematógrafos
donde los héroes son potros o príncipes apasionados,
y acaricia sus piernas llenas de dulce vello
con sus ardientes y húmedas manos que huelen a cigarrillo.

Los atardeceres del seductor y las noches de los esposos
se unen como dos sábanas sepultándome,
y las horas después del almuerzo en que los jóvenes estudiantes,
y las jóvenes estudiantes, y los sacerdotes se masturban,
y los animales fornican directamente,
y las abejas huelen a sangre, y las moscas zumban coléricas,
y los primos juegan extrañamente con sus primas,
y los médicos miran con furia al marido de la joven paciente,
y las horas de la mañana en que el profesor, como por descuido,
cumple con su deber conyugal, y desayuna,
y, más aún, los adúlteros, que se aman con verdadero amor
sobre lechos altos y largos como embarcaciones:
seguramente, eternamente me rodea
este gran bosque respiratorio y enredado
con grandes flores como bocas y dentaduras
y negras raíces en forma de uñas y zapatos.
Charmed by
Thou magic
Words

Energy

Presence
The man I shall love
That I do

Silent pounds
In my chest
love borne

I'll make a
Natural bridge
To diminish distance
To soothe this
Wrenching
Poignant
Despair

Utterly broken
I
Love
Thy
Heart
In Goodness

les miserables lost

Pleiades
Clusters
Faith

Brave mankind:
Women are lovely soft and deep
Yet we have writes
no more to split

Thy bond is mine
To let you know
You dwell
ma belle
In shadow torn
Behind the veil

Forevermore
~~~~~
Imagined by
Impeccable Space
Poetic love
~~~~
Yo, señor, soy acontista.
Mi profesión es hacer disparos al aire.
Todavía no habré descendido la primera nube. 1
Mas, la delicia está en curvar el arco
y en suponer la flecha donde la clava el ojo. 2

                    Yo, señor, soy acontista.

¡Azores y neblíes, gerifaltes, tagres, sacres, alcotanes, halcones
acudid a la voz del acontista!
y enderecemos nuestras garras a la conquista
de las nubes, volubles como los corazones... 3
y -cual los corazones- inmutables.

                    Yo, señor, soy acontista.

También he sido juglar en los mesones.
Revendedor de bulas.
Tañedor de laúd.
Y tragador de fuego y engullidor de sables.
Y bufón en las ferias.
Damas de los castillos a catar diéronme frutos de acendrada virtud:
¡noches de bendición!
Otras noches fueron bien miserables.

                    Yo, señor, soy acontista.

También me he entretenido en cosas serias:
conocí al asno de Buridán 4
y al propio Buridán, que estuvo en la Tour de Nesle 5
(alguna vez fui con él,
pero me devolví de la poterna)
y vi ahorcar en Montfaucon 6
a Messire Enguerrand de Marigny.
Poco en letras leí... 7
mas sí he bebido buenos vinos, paladeado vianda tierna,
y comido del mejor pan.

                    Yo, señor, soy acontista.

Mi profesión es hacer disparos al aire.
¿Todavía no habré descendido la primera nube? 8
También soy jugador de dados
y tengo mis ribetes de asesino.
Presumo haber -en lontana ocasión- hurtádome los vasos sagrados 9
de ya no sé qué iglesia, abadía o convento.
(Creo que han sido mías varias esposas de Jesús,
cuyos votos de castidad y su amor al esposo divino
fueron plumas al viento
y golondrinas migratorias que soltaron su vuelo desde la Cruz...)
¡Azores y neblíes, gerifaltes, tagres, sacres, alfaneques, halcones:
acudid a la voz del acontista!
Y enderecemos nuestras garras y nuestros picos a la conquista
de las nubes volubles como los corazones... 10
y -cual los corazones- siempre iguales.

                    Yo, señor, soy acontista.

También resulto un poco lento y un mucho largo en las mis relaciones...
Juzgo que hay caso de fantasía en mi rapsodia:
pero ni yo soy Tácito, ni aquestos son Anales...
¡Tampoco he de cantar la palinodia
ni de irrumpir en monótonos trenos!

                    Yo, señor, soy acontista.

Nada más. Nada menos.

Y tengo sueño y tengo sed, señor. ¡Salud! ¡Y abur! señor, ¡abur! Y hasta otra vista.
Sam Conrad Nov 2013
I still remember.

(Sweet girl, for your own good, don't read this, please...)

You may not remember, but I still remember.
I remember it all like it's happening again,
I can see the same pictures,
The same views,
The views from all those times,
When I hurt you.

You may not remember,
When we went to see the Akron Youth Orchestras,
At our High School on March 23,
When the Youth Philharmonic played selections from Les Miserables,
When you were singing along to beautifully,
When I was embarrassingly rude.

You may not remember,
But I remember the time I called you in the Spring,
When it was 45 degrees and pouring rain,
When I got mad about something that didn't even matter,
That I made you so upset you ran away from home,
Then suffered horribly in that rain.

You may not remember,
But I remember just after, when the rain dried up some, the next Sunday,
When it was still 45 degrees outside but not pouring rain,
When you and I went for a walk in the cold to go explore,
When we got a little too excited up on that hill, I think you know what hill,
When my fingers noticed the scabs on your arm, how you kept your sleeve pulled down.

You may not remember,
When we came back home, when I saw for sure, when we were on the famous sink-hole couch,
Oh, the look on your face, my heart sunk through the floor, because I knew what I'd done,
That you'd cried awake at night when you lied about being okay, just to make me happy,
You had cut yourself as punishment, when only I deserved punishment.
I still see the look on your face, wrapped in my arms, to my left, I still feel you shaking...

You may not remember,
That evening, how we talked for 4 hours,
How we just held each other, when we both felt so horrible,
When I was dying for hurting you, when you were dying from the pain,
How we both cried together, how I made you promise to never again,
Made you promise to never cut again, if I'd hurt you or left you, because I knew was a monster
(who would hurt you again)...
I still hear your sobbing when you and I were in each others arms in the kitchen...

I remember many more things,
They haunt me more than memories,
Because memories are the recalling of an event,
Recalling of how bad or good it was and nothing more,
But I'm cursed to recall everything as if they are photographs in an album, CDs on a shelf,
I see it all, I hear it all, I feel it all, and I have no goals except to tell you I'm sorry over and over and over...
el pobre butch butchanam pasó sus años últimos
cuidando a una tórtola ciega y sin querer ver a nadie
en solidaridad con el pájaro al que amaba y cuidaba
y a veces aleteaba en su hombro dejando caer
un dulce sonido a naranjos azules girando por el cielo
a demonios de pie sobre un ratón
a monos de piedra sorprendidos en el acto de hacer
"oh tórtola" decía butch butchanam. "amas la ceguera
y yo convertí mi corazón en ceguera
para que vueles alrededor de él y te quedes"
pero lo que debe desaparecer
todo lo que se masca come chupa bebe o saborea,
venía con el crepúsculo y tristeza para butch
tristeza para butch.
el cual:
soñaba con el desierto sembrado de calaveras de vaca
los castillos de arena instantánea o polvo rápidamente
quieto en tierra
los oleajes (como de serpiente) del tiempo en Melody
Spring
y los antepasados que ya no conocían el dolor ni el dolor
de la muerte
y hablaban un idioma lento amarillo feliz
como un lazo de oro en el cuello
noches y noches soñó butch butchanam
hasta que supo que iba a morir
enfiló su cama hacia el sur y se acostó de espaldas al cielo
y dejó escrito en la tórtola que lo enterraran de espaldas
al cielo
y aquí yace de espaldas al cielo mirando todo lo que baja
y sube en Melody pueblo de miserables que:
degollaron la tórtola la asaron la comieron
y comprobaron con cristiano horror
que los miraba desde el plato
con el recuerdo de sus ojos
Sethnicity May 2015
It’s
In my story
just an obserVation
Another standard deviation
to Whittle Words for the World around
Wound like Fickle filament of Fire bulb wire.
the Vapor trails of Vehement Volcanoes Venting
A parent le miserables dat carousel and Care to Sell excel Lance
While lamp lighting a way to free-dumb with Lyrical Trance
Gripping Gravity concentrated illuminated
SusStained on moments of brilliance
Burst stardust nova eXperience
We LackLustorLove
and rise above
emo poverty
evergreen
Bloom!

Poet Trees…
Samantha Jan 2013
By Les Miserables

There was a time when men were kind
When their voices were soft
And their words inviting
There was a time when love was blind
And the world was a song
And the song was exciting
There was a time
Then it all went wrong
I dreamed a dream in times gone by
When hope was high
And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving
Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid

No song unsung
No wine untasted

But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
And they turn your dream to shame
He slept a summer by my side
He filled my days with endless wonder
He took my childhood in his stride
But he was gone when autumn came
And still I dream he'll come to me
That we'll live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather
I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed
The dream I dreamed.
Aa Harvey Apr 2018
The Phobophobia Collection – P is for Phobophobia


I’ve got 99 problems and my woman does not exist… so she ain’t one.
I’ve got 99 problems now my woman is gone.
I used to have one hundred problems
And only one that mattered;
But now the only thing I have got,
Is this feeling of feeling shattered.


I have dreamed of not having insomnia,
For what literally seems like forever.
I truly can’t be happy,
Rain or shine or any weather
And whatever the occasion I am down in the dumps;
Found this manic personality and man it *****!


Oh look; I have met a beautiful woman.
Oh my!  She must be my true love!
She said hello!
Oh she must be the one!

But now she is talking to somebody else,
On her stupid phone…


Thank you life; I really taught myself a lesson,
To never even try to be happy,
I will never have a family,
So I’ll fetch myself some rope
And a broken pen
And a rose for my rose,
To remember me when…


I woke up depressed again…
I did not go to sleep this way.
I had an amazing nightmare last night,
But all memory of it has gone away…


Half way through a conversation,
Or when I pass through a threshold,
I sneeze like I have a cold,
But I am not ill, or so I have been told.
Where are my keys?
What was I talking about?
What the Hell!?
Where was I going?
Did I put the food in the oven?
Or did I leave it out?
Did I lock the door?
I will check once more,
Then I will check it again and again
And again to be sure.


They say I mask my sadness,
With my pathetic attempt at what I call humour;
But I refuse to listen!
And laugh like a mad man,
As they spread their vicious rumours,
About…my precious!


If I had an imaginary friend,
I guess that she would have to be a Princess,
For she could only ever exist, inside my head
And she would eventually leave, because I am so very boring.
I have no desire to speak to men,
Because their conversations only leave me snoring.


Why do you look so les miserables?
I was born this way!
I have apathy to faking smiles;
Get out of my way!
I have to leave this planet,
There are far too many people.
There is a call for you…
I don’t want to speak, I can’t take the trouble.
I foresee a future and it will only be evil,
Asking “How the Devil are you today?”
I sarcastically reply, oh yeah…I am great!  
With no smile on my face
And my dark empty eyes…
How I hate human beings…
Donnie Darko had it right.


Send me a new broken engine,
So I don’t have to speak to them again…
But…I want to be your friend…
Well I want to get to the bitter end…
But I want to be your girlfriend…
Believe me you are all better off if I am dead;
Rather that, than have to deal with me and my lack of empathy.
So much empathy!  
It is killing me!
Hannibal Lector’s got nothing on me…


I guess I had better stop writing this truth,
For I don’t want you to see my ugly face or my mania.
My body’s dysmorphic disorder is no stranger than I am;
But there is one in the mirror.
Who is that arrogant, narcissistic man?
I will self-diagnose…but I will not type into Google ‘Thanks’.


The past is still the present
And I guess I am agnostic when it suits me,
But I want to go Heaven!
I don’t believe a thing
And I am sick to death of my repeated reincarnations.


My entire existence is flat-lining;
So worthless, like everything,
And I feel so tired, like, all of the time
And I can’t even rhyme,
So I repeat the same lies.
So tell me what is the point?
There clearly is no point…


Stop writing this garbage,
Nobody wants to read it.
I don’t even want to have to write it,
But I am enslaved and completely compelled…

I guess in a while,
I will reach the finish…

Oh my God…
What is this fresh Hell?


(C)2018 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.
Defender la alegría como una trinchera
defenderla del escándalo y la rutina
de la miseria y los miserables
de las ausencias transitorias
y las definitivas
defender la alegría como un principio
defenderla del pasmo y las pesadillas
de los neutrales y de los neutrones
de las dulces infamias
y los graves diagnósticos
defender la alegría como una bandera
defenderla del rayo y la melancolía
de los ingenuos y de los canallas
de la retórica y los paros cardiacos
de las endemias y las academias
defender la alegría como un destino
defenderla del fuego y de los bomberos
de los suicidas y los homicidas
de las vacaciones y del agobio
de la obligación de estar alegres
defender la alegría como una certeza
defenderla del óxido y la roña
de la famosa pátina del tiempo
del relente y del oportunismo
de los proxenetas de la risa
defender la alegría como un derecho
defenderla de dios y del invierno
de las mayúsculas y de la muerte
de los apellidos y las lástimas
del azar
                  y también de la alegría
Static crackling ecstatically; manic pop
Transistor hissing and spitting; sideboard atop
                                      First when there’s nothing…
                                      But a slow glowing dream…

Pirouette such as whirling dervish makes
Adolescent prancer twirls; leg warmer fakes
                                      All alone I have cried…
                                      Silent tears full of pride…

Breathless incantation; future forged in dance
Performance fascination; leap upon the chance
                                      What a feeling...
                                      Bein’s believing…

Neon flashes bedeck wrists and bonce
Peers laughter flash like fire; a ponce
                                      Take your passion…
                                      And make it happen…

The music shields, deflects. Antacid; taunts abate
Rhyhmic dreamer energized; blind to all the hate
                                      Pictures come alive…
                                      You can dance right through your life…



As Bergen-Belsen ghost yet still aware
Lost dreamer segues silently on fetid air
                                       Bruised and battered, I couldn’t tell what I felt…
                                       I am unrecognizable to myself…

Shuffling as garish Geisha; white but not with paint
Breathless as fifties bombshell; heaving sick and feint
                                      At night I could hear the blood in my veins…
                                      It was black and whispering as the rain…

With steel partner; straight firm and slim of hip
Rigid in rigor’d waltz; moving labouredly with drip
                                      I walked the avenue, ‘til my legs felt like stone…
                                      I heard the voices of friends, vanished and gone…

Faithless rusting engine combusts toxic blood
Failing sack of sinew lies where dancer stood
                                      Night has fallen, I’m lyin’ awake…
                                      I can feel myself fading away…

Monotone white noise; assuring beep
Dancer dreams in endless sleep
                                     There was a time when men were kind…
                                     There was a time when love was blind…

©pofacedpoetry (Billy Reynard-Bowness – 2018 – All rights reserved)

Acknowledgements:

1. Flashdance… what a Feeling (1983 – Giorgio Moroder, Keith Forsey & Irene Cara)
2. The Streets of Philadelphia (1993 – Bruce Springsteen)
3. I Dreamed a Dream (Les Miserables – Claude Michel Schonberg, Herbert Kretzmer & Alain Boubil)
The difference 40 years can make in a gay dancers life....from dream to nightmare in the ***/AIDS crisis, inspired by the music and news of the 80's and 90's
Dulce Jesús de mi vida,
¡qué dije!, espera, no os vais:
que no es bien que vos seáis
de una vida tan perdida.

Pero si no sois de mí,
yo, mi Jesús, soy de vos,
porque quiero hallar en Dios
esto que sin Dios perdí.

Mas ya vuelvo a suplicaros
que de mi vida seáis:
que si vos no me la dais,
no tendré vida que daros.

Deseo daros mi vida,
y sin vos no es daros nada,
porque con vos va ganada,
cuanto sin vos va perdida.

Muérome de puro amor
por llamaros vida mía:
que la que sin vos perdía,
ya no la tengo, Señor.

Pues vuestra piedad me adiestra
como a oveja reducida,
quiero llamaros mi vida,
aunque he sido muerte vuestra.

Vida mía, en este día
me habréis de hacer un favor;
¡oh, qué bien me va, Señor,
con llamaros vida mía!

Luego que vida os llamé,
a pediros me atreví,
porque el regalo sentí
que en vuestro brazos hallé.

Y es que jamás permitáis
que otra vida sin vos tenga:
que no es bien que a vivir venga
vida donde vos no estáis.

¡Ay Jesús! ¿Cómo viví
sólo un momento sin vos?
Porque si la vida es Dios,
¿qué vida quedaba en mí?

¡Qué cosas tuve por vida
tan miserables y tristes!
¿Es posible que pudistes
sufrir cosa tan perdida?

Pero sospecho, mi Dios,
que fue permitirlo así,
para que viesen en mí
qué sufrimiento hay en vos.

Pero no lo habéis perdido,
¡oh soberana piedad!,
pues conozco mi maldad
por lo que me habéis sufrido.

Porque sé de aquel vivir,
como si Dios no tuviera:
que quien menos que Dios fuera
no me pudiera sufrir.

¡Qué de veces os negué
por confesar mi locura
a la fingida hermosura,
donde no hay verdad ni fe!

Si la vuestra en la cruz viera,
¡ay Dios y cuánto os amara!
¡Qué de lágrimas llorara,
qué de amores os dijera!

No sé, mi bien, qué os tenéis,
que todo me enamoráis,
o es que, como abierto estáis,
mostráis lo que me queréis.

Amenazado de vos,
parece que no os temí,
y lleno de sangre sí;
decid, ¿qué es esto, mi Dios?

¡Oh qué divinos colores
os hace esa sangre fría!
¡Oh cómo estáis, vida mía,
para deciros amores!
Tened presente el hambre: recordad su pasado
turbio de capataces que pagaban en plomo.
Aquel jornal al precio de la sangre cobrado,
con yugos en el alma, con golpes en el lomo.

El hambre paseaba sus vacas exprimidas,
sus mujeres resecas, sus devoradas ubres,
sus ávidas quijadas, sus miserables vidas
frente a los comedores y los cuerpos salubres.

Los años de abundancia, la saciedad, la hartura
eran sólo de aquellos que se llamaban amos.
Para que venga el pan justo a la dentadura
del hambre de los pobres aquí estoy, aquí estamos.

Nosotros no podemos ser ellos, los de enfrente,
los que entienden la vida por un botín sangriento:
como los tiburones, voracidad y diente,
panteras deseosas de un mundo siempre hambriento.

Años del hambre han sido para el pobre sus años.
Sumaban para el otro su cantidad los panes.
Y el hambre alobadaba sus rapaces rebaños
de cuervos, de tenazas, de lobos, de alacranes.

Hambrientamente lucho yo, con todas mis brechas,
cicatrices y heridas, señales y recuerdos
del hambre, contra tantas barrigas satisfechas:
cerdos con un origen peor que el de los cerdos.

Por haber engordado tan baja y brutalmente,
más abajo de donde los cerdos se solazan,
seréis atravesados por esta gran corriente
de espigas que llamean, de puños que amenazan.

No habéis querido oír con orejas abiertas
el llanto de millones de niños jornaleros.
Ladrábais cuando el hambre llegaba a vuestras puertas
a pedir con la boca de los mismos luceros.

En cada casa, un odio como una higuera fosca,
como un tremante toro con los cuernos tremantes,
rompe por los tejados, os cerca y os embosca,
y os destruye a cornadas, perros agonizantes.
River Jun 2017
These days I don't look at the calendar,
These days I don't watch the clock
These days I don't have money,
But I'm alright,
Just doing me

These days I don't worry about no one but myself
These days I don't people please
I just walk forever,
Trying to get away from what's killing me

In December I left my job
I couldn't take the bullying anymore
I was sick of the minimum wage,
The sparse hours
No matter how much I tried my best,
My coworkers looked down on me,
I was the only one who wasn't a struggling single mother,
Maybe they were scared that I thought I was better than them

In December I would keep singing the song
I dreamed a dream from the Les Miserables soundtrack
I was so stuck
But then there was Christmas break
For three days
And I felt so free!
That I just knew I couldn't go back

But now I see it's the last day of June
I have no idea what I'm doing next
It's scary as hell
To be a blank canvas,
To be so aimless
What am I going to do with my life?
I wish a lightning bolt would strike me from heaven
And tell me what I'm supposed to be
It's been six months of doing nothing,
But within this intermission,
I feel myself healing...
Deeply.
Estación invencible! En los lados del cielo un pálido
cierzo se acumulaba, un aire desteñido e invasor, y hacia todo
lo que los ojos abarcaban, como una espesa leche, como una cortina
endurecida existía, continuamente.
De modo que el ser se sentía aislado, sometido a esa
extraña substancia, rodeado de un cielo próximo, con el
mástil quebrado frente a un litoral blanquecino, abandonado de
lo sólido, frente a un transcurso impenetrable y en una casa de
niebla. Condenación y horror! De haber estado herido y
abandonado, o haber escogido las arañas, el luto y la sotana. De
haberse emboscado, fuertemente ahíto de este mundo, y de haber
conversado sobre esfinges y oros y fatídicos destinos. De haber
amarrado la ceniza al traje cotidiano, y haber besado el origen
terrestre con su sabor a olvido. Pero no. No.
Materias frías de la lluvia que caen sombríamente,
pesares sin resurrección, olvido. En mi alcoba sin retratos, en
mi traje sin luz, cuánta cabida eternamente permanece, y el
lento rayo recto del día cómo se condensa hasta llegar a
ser una sola gota oscura.
Movimientos tenaces, senderos verticales a cuya flor final a veces se
asciende, compañías suaves o brutales, puertas ausentes!
Como cada día un pan letárgico, bebo de un agua aislada!
Aúlla el cerrajero, trota el caballo, el caballejo empapado en
lluvia, y el cochero de largo látigo tose, el condenado! Lo
demás, hasta muy larga distancia permanece inmóvil,
cubierto por el mes de junio y sus vegetaciones mojadas, sus animales
callados, se unen como olas. Sí, qué mar de invierno,
qué dominio sumergido trata de sobrevivir, y, aparentemente
muerto, cruza de largos velámenes mortuorios esta densa
superficie?
A menudo, de atardecer acaecido, arrimo la luz a la ventana, y me miro,
sostenido por maderas miserables, tendido en la humedad como un
ataúd envejecido, entre paredes bruscamente débiles.
Sueño, de una ausencia a otra, y a otra distancia, recibido y amargo.
Todos sabemos que nada ni nadie habrá de ahorrarnos el final
sin embargo hay que vivir como si fuéramos inmortales
sabemos que los caballos y los perros tienen las patas sobre la tierra
pero no es descartable que en una nochebuena se lancen a volar

sabemos que en una esquina no rosada aguarda el ultimátum de la
envidia
pero en definitiva será el tiempo el que diga dónde es
dónde y quién es quién

sabemos que tras cada victoria el enemigo regresa buscando más
triunfos
y que volveremos a ser inexorablemente derrotados vale decir que
venceremos

sabemos que el odio viene lleno de imposturas
pero que las va a perder antes del diluvio o después del carnaval
sabemos que el hambre está desnuda desde hace siglos
pero también que los saciados responderán por los
hambrientos

sabemos que la melancolía es un resplandor y sólo eso
pero a los melancólicos nadie les quita lo bailado
sabemos que los bondadosos instalan cerrojos de seguridad
pero la bondad suele escaparse por los tejados
sabemos que los decididores deciden como locos o miserables
y que mañana o pasado alguien decidirá que no decidan

sintetizando / todos sabemos que nada ni nadie habrá de
ahorrarnos el final
pero así y todo hay que vivir como si fuéramos inmortales

— The End —