Boastful cat
Saturn rain
Night is dull
Dull blades still slay
City craves rustic sway
And these white houses
Are the grave
(Thunder brings a night of lust
Christmas lights are empty trust)
Should've been a raindog time
But the clouds had fate for eyes
Someone shot a feverish arrow
And laughed as I went blind

Pink room
Red womb
Blackened heart
***** spoon

Opened my eyes -- The mirror fooled and did tricks on me -- Pelicans and temporary ghosts -- Like a pleasant phantom come to visit -- Until it reared its ugly head and showed its face -- It took all my grace -- Swan lake -- Sky high -- Pace and word -- Makes clear as it distorts -- No war and peace -- Foes and cohorts -- Just everything you've adored and everything they'll abhor -- And nothing more -- Should have put thoughts on paper -- Couldn't hold a pen -- Three days of geometric chaos -- And a lifetime of no symmetry -- Should have never reentered the cave -- Shadows on the walls -- Filled with tattooed luck -- Now I'm Cecilia in a bathtub -- Waiting for the inevitable -- With demons on my shoulders -- Incubi atop me -- Genies above me -- Elves behind me -- Dirt below me -- And cult claws on my walls -- Stuck in symbol-land with constant mock cymbals -- TV laugh-track plays every step I take -- Sterile and over-sensitive -- Can't ever get numb -- Screaming babies and French sirens -- Eureka's ball court -- Xibalba's darkhouse -- Doomed to rot -- Would've aced the other tests -- Eating glass -- Metnal mental -- Raggedy Ann -- .Extravagant *** -- Yellow wallpaper on every face -- Painted blue for sacrifice -- Puppet overnight -- Trying to gut truth -- But so far the mystagogues have webbed tongues -- And the angels all have angles --

It’s hard for me to grasp that I live in a world that is indifferent to my existence and there is no absolute truth.

It’s hard to navigate it.

There are things that I simply cannot control and every decision I make is plagued with uncertainty; there is no right answer, just consequences.

Sometimes, the consequences are clear. Other times, they’re not, and manifest much later.

You think you want something, but you don’t. And the only way to find out, is to do it.

You do it. You decide to give it a proper chance.

It’s not going as you hope.

But, you invested so much time and energy into it, it might not be worth throwing it all away.

But then again, maybe it might.

And by the time you do, you’re thinking you should’ve done it months ago.

So much time wasted.

Now, it’s time to try something new. But what?

You don’t trust yourself very much, because what you thought you liked, you didn’t actually end up liking. Or finishing, even.

You wasted too much time and you’re not getting it back.

If you’re going to invest time and energy into something, shouldn’t you know if it’ll be worth it?

But you don’t know.

So then, you don’t try it.

But then you realize, you should have.

And you wasted all this time doing nothing.

Back to square one.

You can’t have reward without risk.

But how do you know which risk to take?

I guess that’s why it’s called a risk, right?

But, not every risk yields a reward.

Sometimes, your best isn’t enough, right?

I mean, not everyone can be rewarded, right?

Some people are rewarded with wisdom.

But wisdom doesn’t get you very far in this world.

Sometimes, knowing too much does more harm than good.

Some people were ****** from the beginning.

You may not have been ****** from the beginning. But you haven’t left your comfort bubble.

Because you don’t trust your decisions.

Your battle is metnal.

You never feel ready.

You never feel good enough.

But you know you have to do something.

But you don’t know what.

So, you prepare yourself for something you think you might want.

But you prepare too much, to where you don’t end up doing it.

But if you under prepare, you’ll kick yourself for not preparing enough.

You should’ve waited a little longer.

Why didn’t you wait one more month?

You should’ve read that book.

Back to square one.

You’re not really religious, but you pray.

You know no one has the answers, but you ask other people that have been in your shoes.

You visit psychics.

None the wiser.

You have the answer.

But you’re festering in your own confusion.

Back to square one.