I cried unconsolably in public once.
I don’t remember why.
But people walked right past me.
Kind of like the gods when I cry to the sky.
Sometimes, I try to pray.
I’ll talk to the empty room, secretly hoping something’s listening.
I’ll cry to an empty room, hoping something is listening.
But then, I realize, the room is empty.
And my tears are falling to an indifferent world.
My tears are falling to an indifferent god.
My pain is mine alone.
And then I cry, because no one can hear me.
I cry, because I feel stupid for thinking anyone can hear me.
And then I cry harder because I come to the realization
that if someone is listening,
They’re on an invisible plane, walking right past me, watching me cry.
Sometimes, I’ll scream at the ceiling in my room.
I’ll scream, “Why, why why?”
At the things in the sky.
And I curse it. I curse every god I know.
I taunt them to take me.
I curse and scream at my existence and their ineptitude
Because I secretly hope something is listening.
Because if they take me, it means something is listening.
And if someone was listening
And I died
it means I was never alone.
But then I realize I’m pleading with an empty room.
And then I cry, because no can hear me.
I cry, because my cries for death were met with indifference
And then I realize,
That humans don’t want my pain
And the things don’t want it either
And then I realize,
That I’m either totally alone
Or just another thing, prone to cry
To the things in the sky
Oct 10, 2020
Oct 10, 2020 at 2:26 AM UTC
I don’t want to die, but I’m indifferent to live.
I don’t want to join this cult.
But, I don’t want to leave.
They say we need purpose
But what if I was chosen not to have one?
What if my purpose is to make others feel better for having one?
At least they’re not me.
I don’t want to die, but living is not fun
It’s just navigating through things without a map, with no solid truth
And every decision affects you, except you don’t know how
And every decision is haunted with a “what if”?
And every decision is plagued with a “I should have…”
The gods won’t save you.
Psychics don’t know.
And the wise haven’t traversed your waters.
None the wiser.
Oct 10, 2020
Oct 10, 2020 at 1:05 AM UTC
It’s hard for me to grasp that I live in a world that is indifferent to my existence and there is no absolute truth.
It’s hard to navigate it.
There are things that I simply cannot control and every decision I make is plagued with uncertainty; there is no right answer, just consequences.
Sometimes, the consequences are clear. Other times, they’re not, and manifest much later.
You think you want something, but you don’t. And the only way to find out, is to do it.
You do it. You decide to give it a proper chance.
It’s not going as you hope.
But, you invested so much time and energy into it, it might not be worth throwing it all away.
But then again, maybe it might.
And by the time you do, you’re thinking you should’ve done it months ago.
So much time wasted.
Now, it’s time to try something new. But what?
You don’t trust yourself very much, because what you thought you liked, you didn’t actually end up liking. Or finishing, even.
You wasted too much time and you’re not getting it back.
If you’re going to invest time and energy into something, shouldn’t you know if it’ll be worth it?
But you don’t know.
So then, you don’t try it.
But then you realize, you should have.
And you wasted all this time doing nothing.
Back to square one.
You can’t have reward without risk.
But how do you know which risk to take?
I guess that’s why it’s called a risk, right?
But, not every risk yields a reward.
Sometimes, your best isn’t enough, right?
I mean, not everyone can be rewarded, right?
Some people are rewarded with wisdom.
But wisdom doesn’t get you very far in this world.
Sometimes, knowing too much does more harm than good.
Some people were ****** from the beginning.
You may not have been ****** from the beginning. But you haven’t left your comfort bubble.
Because you don’t trust your decisions.
Your battle is metnal.
You never feel ready.
You never feel good enough.
But you know you have to do something.
But you don’t know what.
So, you prepare yourself for something you think you might want.
But you prepare too much, to where you don’t end up doing it.
But if you under prepare, you’ll kick yourself for not preparing enough.
You should’ve waited a little longer.
Why didn’t you wait one more month?
You should’ve read that book.
Back to square one.
You’re not really religious, but you pray.
You know no one has the answers, but you ask other people that have been in your shoes.
You visit psychics.
None the wiser.
You have the answer.
But you’re festering in your own confusion.
Back to square one.
Oct 8, 2020
Oct 8, 2020 at 1:24 AM UTC
I can taste dimension
inhale the milky way
make love to euphoria
and kiss dream puddles
I can paint the streets with nostaglia
scorch desire
melt in freedom
inject silence
I give life to distortion
brew imagination
frost my fires
reject fear
Nov 5, 2014
Nov 5, 2014 at 10:00 PM UTC
Planets are like islands in an ocean of infinite space
Nov 4, 2014
Nov 4, 2014 at 2:55 PM UTC
He plagues her mind at the most inconvenient of times
Like when she listens to her favorite song
Or sprinkles stars in the ocean
When she melts tornadoes and paints the sky
She secretly wishes
that someday
She could be his inconvenience too
Nov 4, 2014
Nov 4, 2014 at 1:26 AM UTC
Heavy with dew the branches converge
And when it is night these creatures emerge
With diligence they saunter through crevices of flesh
And feed upon bewilderment wherever it’s left
While the moon jeers at the sun for attempting to hide
Hymns of laughter and silhouettes of creatures collide
They flourish the sky with a euphoric light
And cast a spell amongst the silence of night
The creatures thrash against skin to announce their goodbyes
But what shall we call them? We shall call them fireflies
Nov 4, 2014
Nov 4, 2014 at 12:42 AM UTC