Yo its two thousand fifteen
And i still aint seen
No ******' progress
I wonda why i gotta keep a gat
And a vest


Fools aint playin' no more
I see the govs ready to score
They say pain is temporary
But how? When its so many in the cemetery

Loved ones and fallen ones
Im still eatin' bread crumbs
Off the floor tryna find the key to unlock the door

To my mind but im blind
Ask the Lord for sunshine

MY moms aint feelin' me
But i got my homies
N a pistol with me

I see visions at night
Im dead at least thats what my undertake said
******* homie?? Im feelin' lonely
My mind playin' tricks on meeeee



Next day i feel under the weather
Hopin' it'll get alittle better
Day dreamin' about last night
Still thinkin' its the reaper in my sight

Shake my head stand tall but i aint scared
So my family sends the preacher through
And tells me to tell him what im goin through
He said i need to go to church
But thats *******
Im havin' a spiritual fit
Cuz i just cant cope all that biblical ****

He says im wrong
I say **** him
And i grab the ****
Playin' ol gangsta *** songs
NWA ICe cube n Eazy E
Its soo sweet
Turn it up check the bass in the beat

As i fall asleep damnnb homie
My mind playin' tricks on meeee





Yo now im sleepin'
Here he comes the demon peepin'
Is it me?
Or my conscious speakin' to me?

Evil thoughts conflictin' war
All my enemies i see them in gore
Then of a sudden i ask the lord
What the **** am i hear for??
Tears running down mamas cheek
I wake up but i cant speak
Peep through the ******' window
Take another hit of the indo
I see myself lookin' at myself
Layin' in a casket

I drop the blunt then a flew
Try to rush and look for my crew
But they dead too
Walk througj the shadow of death
Take a deep breath
As my consciousness left
Suddenly I woke up in a scream
Touch myself n seen my cream

On the dresser i fill refresh sa
Im in a cold sweat
Called up my homies?
They right by me
And i said got **** homie
I had a bad dream
But all this time my mind
Was playin' tricks on meeeee

Triumphantly raised colorful flagpole insignia dynasties
of this country and that country and other country
destroying each other territorial
like rabid animals and house pets.  
Atomic bomb cat food will feed us full
in fallout by the end!
Meeeee-oww!

To the ******* who once was my bestfriend but has now forgotten about me

Your tan skin and sweet smile was once my daily sunshine
A reason for me to wake up in the morning and be energetic in school
Your laugh pokes at my heart like a ring-less three point shot in a basketball game
I watched my heart become the ball
You shot through rings of fire
That kept burning and burning
But I played your game
Like you played me
Because you were once my best friend
But now you’ve forgotten me

You were once my daily sunshine
And now my daily hell.

I used to open Facebook and see a message notification
Your name in bold letters with a simple "Yo"
And a smile emoji
And sometimes you'll tell me
"Notice meeeee"
With five Es in the me

Now I open Facebook and see no message notification
Your name in light letters with a seenzoned "Yo"
And a smile emoji
I'll archive our thread
And I'll try to forget about you
But when you go online
I always tend to notice you

I see your name on the active list
And see your posts as you tag them
And not me.

You used to send me random lyrics
And made me listen to random music

You used to tell me
"You can count on me like one, two, three
I'll be there"
But when I needed you
I did count on you like four, three, two
But you did not come
You were not there

I did not even see your shadow when I asked for help
I never saw you by the audience during my performances

I've stopped watching your basketball games
Because I am done watching you
Shoot my heart through rings of fire
Watching it break on the same court where you taught me to play

I've stopped messaging you on Facebook
Because I am clearly just another message you have already read

And I was just another friend
You have already forgotten.


19:09 - 19:28
7 April 2017

If I had thirty-nine eyes
I'd drop a tear from each one
Onto the tip of each arm
Of the aloe I love so much right now.

It is the teacher
I am the student
It lives so freely
I watch
Perfectly

Can you come teach me
Maybe I'm
Unlearned enough
To have your tenticals
Come and
Free meeeee

What can we feed meeee

I scampered inside as I peak into the light. Slowly, the door's ajar and what I see is not pleasing in the eyes... it even almost made my heart die! This is outrageous! Only a monster could do something atrocious. I curse this culprit who stole my FOOD and pledged to not forgive </3

The felicity that brought me. Mirthful emotions kicked me. The whole world and just me! Who else should it be? But this point (!) betrayed me. Sluggish, decelerate grievous thing punished me. Why WIFI , why do you have to double-cross meeeee?! :( [Kneeling on the ground with a spotlight effect lol]

This is what I call prosperity. Alone yet jubilant. Not when  pealing, ring, clunk, thud or a thump disrupts. "Hellooooo, earth to people! I'm trying to get some SLEEP here! Seriously?!"

-A

8/11/14

You say actions speak louder than words
so why can you not hear my body screaming?
screaming for attention that you might turn your head.
notice me!
my wounds bleed,
drops staining the floor and you still refuse to see,
your little girl is dying, she needs you.
pounding on your door, open up!
notice me!
pounding results in pulsing headaches,
pulsing headaches result in pain.
pain is happiness, but only when self inflicted.
I cant play this game with myself any longer,
I call out for you,
notice me!
time is running out,
my mind paces I feel it might never stop.
Voices growing fainter with every slice of this metal demon.
Soft breezes whisper,
nooooticccee meeeee
the breeze stops,
I can no longer hear the cries from with in the depths of my soul...
**you noticed me

if i die...can i decide where to go...
this gurl put a knife in mii hand
for me to hold...and i see..tht this..girl
looks exacly like me...where i am..
is so cold...every where i go..this
girl shows...in through the door..
i go..it close..uhmm yea and this
gurl everyone knows...to me
she keeps holding on...dark glass
all around..but i can still see my image...
so ig this girl i believe is me...****** in the
1 degree...in this book i see....the author is
this girl and the illistrator is meeeee.....

I have an addiction
Oh how i wish it was a work of fiction
I cannot wait to feel my blade
Every time it touches my skin i feel saved.
Sweet bliss, until i am entranced
Twisting, turning, and weaving. Our dance.
We speak only to each other.
Not caring for any other.
Alone, but not alone, with our toxic love.

It makes me feel whole
When i am alone
And i have no home
And live in isolation
It is but a small trade, take and give some.

What is blood and pain,
When you want to be saved?
What sacrifice is too much
When all you want is to be loved.
Toxicity doesn’t matter
When you just want to stop getting sadder.

I CANT
I CANT STOP
THE BLADE
ITS TOO MUCH
THE BLOOD IS ALL AROUND ME
FALLING FALLING
DRENCHING THE GROUND
I NEED HELP
The liquid, it makes a repulsive sound.

AHHHHHHHHHH

ring around the rosie
pocket full of posey
raining raining
we all come back another day

Help meeeee
The insanity is CONTROLLING my brain!
I’m not sure if i already said this
But I’m going IIIINSAAAANEEEE
HA HA HA
I’m gone . . .
But not for long!!!

How can i truly be gone
When this pain just keeps c-c-c-cutting
me . . . off
HA the sky is full
But love is bull
And affection is null
While my mind i duel.

Obsession, Depression
Are wondrous traits.
One will bleed love
The other, hate

There i am, in the hellish hearts
Tortured in agony, becoming art.
Please just
. . .
Just leave me alone
. . .
Alone in the dark

Alone with my heart.

How shattered,
With blood splattered
Crimson on my skin, I’ve been slathered
Trying to put back the pieces that have been scattered.

Am i sane?
Am i still in control of my brain?

Sometimes i feel on charge, the leader.
Other times i feel weak
Looking through my eyes like windows, watching meekly.

Is music an escape?
From my pain?
Is it too late?
Have i lost my brain?

I just want to see the stars.

TS Eliot said, “Paris is a strong stimulant.”
It is - but it has nothing on Manhattan.
If Paris is a Café Crème espresso at a café-en-terrasse under the stars.
Manhattan is a ‘Black Tie Bawls’ cocktail at The Crown bar (the skyline!).

We were going to relax - in Manhattan,
instead, keep those seat belts fastened.
Lisa said, one night, “Want to go out for a bit?”
Since then, I’ll admit, our nights have been lit. 

We have ten days, and we’ve decided to try every Michelin-starred restaurant we can (there are 68 in NYC). So far, we’ve been to Eleven Madison Park, Le Bernardin and Per Se. This was Lisa’s idea.

The food is delicious - if you like a corn-flake with something on it or a steak the size of a bouillon cube ($250 per person with cocktails and dessert). As we left ‘Per Se’ I asked, “Can we get something to eat now? I’m starved.” I was only ½ kidding.

It’s MY idea to visit every beautix rooftop bar in Manhattan (there are exactly10). So far, we’ve been to, ‘The Peninsula,’ ‘230-Fith’’ and ‘NoMad’ - we’ve only been at these tasks for three nights.

We’re doing other things too. We’re going to Broadway shows (& Juliet, the Great Gatsby, Oh Mary!, Wicked) and to see Idina Menzel (Wicked, Frozen) in concert and a John Oliver and Seth Meyers comedy show next Monday. We do these, as in - Dinner, show, rooftop bar.
OH, and we’re dancin’ like we’re sentient - no cap.

Our sordid troup, is Lisa and Dave (her boo), Charles & Ms Charles, Lisa’s folks (Karen and Michael) and Lisa’s little sister Leeza and Meeeee. Luckily, we have one of my Grandmère’s conglomerate, executive secretarial minions (François) booking reservations for us. He’s got ‘contacts.’

Yeah, we’re drivin’ full speed towards summer’s end - “fo-shizzle” (to quote Snoop Dogg). We figure we can rest, a few days, in New Haven.
Wasn’t Snoop fire at the Olympics?
.
.
dance club songs, for this one:
One Kiss by Calvin Harris & Dua Lipa
Lipstick by Kungs
Espresso by Sabrina Carpenter [E]
Levitating by Dua Lipa
.
.
slang…
café-en-terrasse = terrace cafe
Black Tie Bawls = (cocktail) Blavod black *****, lemon, and Bawls energy drink.
beautix = top drawer, rizz
No cap = no lie
fo-shizzle = for sure
fire = great, a standout
[E] = explicit

Last Christmas I gave "him" my heart
     But the very next day
  He ignored me ,,,
Why does this haveeee to happen to meee
       Thought I was someone special
      Special Lalaallalalalalalalallalala
          I'm hiding from you cause you don't feel the sameeee
           Wayyy Oh nooooo
         lalalalala      Oh lalalalalalal
        I thought you were someone to mee
       Like a friend that I knew
          I guess I need a shoulder to cry on nowwww
         Who could that beee
                    That nice person for meeeee
             I'll  never give anymore gifts (arts and crafts)

I can't help but feel as though I've lost you
And deep inside I know this all will pull through!
The way we were, I miss it all too much to,
Ever leave you!
I miss your smile, the ways you would hold onto,
Meeeee, and breathe so peacefully!
We used to laugh, and hold on to the love, cuz,
We knew the pain was bad, I knew we'd make it past!
I tried so desperately for you to see me, your brain is moving fast, ohhh
I asked, to relax, but all you saw was future plans,
I sat there very still, and right in front of you!
Why can't you see that all we really need,
Is our own company and one on one conformity!
Just take it slow with me,
Stop thinking 'bout all that we need!

I need your patience and I need you to see more of me, not just what you've been seein, or wanting me to be and,
I can not see you, all there ever is, is anger held up,
I miss the way we came up, the way we used to talk about us, ohhh
Nowadays, I look into into your eyes and see, a roadblock keeping me from reaching out and being sweet!
Why can't you see, all that I've been tryna bring us? Some peace and ease, to bring us back to something better!

Dear mom and dad after my birthday,

Why do I have to write a thank you note for every **** person that gave me a gift? She got me crayons, of course I am gonna write her a thank you note. He got me a pair of white socks that are too small. Why would I write him a note? What would that even say??
Dear Jim-Bob,
I love these white socks that are too small for me! They will look very nice in my trash can and I will make sure to see them off as the garbage truck drives them away!
Lots of love,
Your niece :)
Can they just accept the fact that the absolute best thanks they will get will be my exclamation of “Oh my gosh! I forgot to put that on my wish list and you got it for meeeee!!!!”?

On av free fall,
Faster, faster, faaaaaaster!
Then you catch me,
Sloooooow meeeee doooooownnnnn, with your love.

In the flames I met you
And, we were too afraid to turn all we loved into ashes

So we let go

But baby I bleed
And, I seek
And, I need

Is it just me
Or, was I only a muse for you

Just a girl to use for you

Glitter dust

You come to me in my dreams

You tell me this isn't what I think
But have you asked me?

Do you really want to know...
Who you are

Or, will you run before your told

I bleed, I seek, I need

The wounds run deep

But bonds forever untold
You'll always feel me...

Feel meeeee

Sweet precious sky
Teardrops at dawn

Smeared colored eyes
Are gifts you give to me

Look what you've done to us

You called me here
So here I come

Two flames ever burning, ever more

We will always beeeee

You will always feeeel meeeee forevermore

Skies at dawn is what we'll look for

Me, me, me,
Mmm, me, me, me,
Ma, me, me moo, mo,me.

Then me me me , ma mo me me
A me mo, me me me me.

ME, ME, ME
ME, ME, ME,
MEEEEE, EEEEE, EEE.

Til me,me me me,
A me me me.
Lo me, ma ,mo,mo me.