It’s a box full of green dots destroying what was once called my self esteem
You wanted me when the lights were out
And guidance was my enlightened words now not found
I picked you up
And shoved myself instead of you
I picked you up
And tired as I be; after I think and feel and believe and disregard all at once
I laid exactly at that railroad of crushing trains
Striking so furiously my heart
And each time that train gets closer
My insecurities become like the forsaken minorities
Of the land waiting to avenge their vanquished souls
Wanting revenge on the land lord
And the land lord is lured into lowering lives of dislexyical comments like leaves leaving a tree not because they have to but because they have the power to self-destruct
It’s not us that we fail to continue
Its our ability not too
Our will to stop
Our moments of clarity
In which nothing is clear
And clear is the day you come up to me and explain the complexity that is your affect and the regret that is my whole existence
And clear is the day in which I find the answers to life wrapped in papers fallen on grounds of religious beliefs with my name on top
A note for majd
A majd for all the notes you keep inside in the ample spaces between your teeth and total loss of diction
Like dictating decimations you strike words of explosions
Like nuclear weapons it’s not the fall of reason that kills me
It’s reason that eases my falling
And I fall into senseless diversions
Diverging through divisions of disintegrating poems
Determining what we don’t know
And knowing what we cannot determine
All words are not words but simple signs
Of my breakdown
And all breakdowns are not breakdowns but mere stimulation of the senses; a kick start …

Why can't I be a pair of scissors?
Cutting my way through unneeded pieces of paper
Creating shapes of something I hide inside
And even if I don’t pick the colors of my forms
I form a voice of the colors shaping my opinionated margins
yes
my margins are opinionated because if the side lines weren't there
The court would not exist would it?
And if the benches didn't exist
Well you wouldn't have a team would you??

Why can't I be the voice of truth
Roaming around people
Perpetrating through human voices
And righteous leaders now fail to exist…
And existence would be simple
And simple would not be impossible
For your complexity drives me through alleys of doubt
And routs
I take for a mistake
I'll never love you as much as I do now…
Look at me
He says to the slightly misguided princess
Now rubbing the dirt of her red converse
Conversing here and there,
Diverse attitudes thrown upon her face;
Like she's delightly unpleased with you
And jovially laughing upon her anger
And angry as I be, I cannot but look into those eyes
On phone screens
And wallpapers
Creating walls of papers
For my heart shaped scissors to cut through
And create a notion of change ill never arrange
But what would be the master conductor of it all
Is my deranged heart

Why can't I be just another teenager
A stranger
So as to say she would never get to know me
And I will just be feeling the exact same thing I am feeling now
Why can't I be just another teenager that is fooled by politicians?
Consumes the blooms of colerly glooms in rooms
Posters and fumes of dark metal flumes
Like the night wasn't enough to empty rage reflecting upon stars

The product of man
The lifelong process of spending money to get money
Call this the circle of life, the cycle of human beings
Creating asylums and cages and pentagons
To get out of their own
I build my empire upon your thrown
I breathe the last exhaled strokes of oxygen you have thrown
I conclude whatever you hypothesized
And size doesn’t matter
For matter scatters when the seed is not firm
A seed becomes a tree
And a tree becomes me
And I become this land
And this land is not free
Farmers affirming formulas upon frightened fortune tellers
Fortune was never destiny
Fortune was the future fought for
Lets fight ow man…ow trees
Lets fight

Why can't I just be her eye lashes?
So I could stare into her honesty all day
Prepare myself to contract and kneel to protect her delicacy from dust
Open widely as I represent a sense of her pleasure
And shut when my heart shatters on her melancholy
As my tender touches console her frail eyes

I don’t want to be just another majd
Another shidiac of the family tree
Those existential moments embellished with a thought of her smile
Sponsored by a scent on my hands
I hand out the clarity she hands out to me
I unknot the ties you created with a simple smile
The grins are so thin with the upper lip of nonexistence
Yet the content descent upon thee
Like the holy rain that has never been experienced by the uninvolved
We humans do not experience
We humans create experiences
Expressions show upon our faces as we agree upon our work
Or decide to disregard
Disagree with the outcome of thoughtless days of planning
I plan to be something more than what I am
I plan to be something she wants me to be
And go passed that to something bigger
I plan to be the savior of my earth
Yet be the only earth that could give water to her smiles
I plan to be the director of revolutionary wars
Yet the warrior under the flag of her eyes
I want to be whatever she wants me to be
In twine with what I plan to be
And a bit more than that…
And a bit more than that…

The darkening lights
Just keep flickering my mood
Leaves me curious
Wondering if those Millie seconds of darkness
Could bring me what I have lost in those long days of light
And what if those days of tranquility where bad for my health
And healthy as I be; I lay down today with nothing on my mind
But all the answers I cannot find
And on my way to perform my daily errands
I realized that you have become one of them
Like them pills my grandmother pops every two minutes
Or else she'll suffer from back pain, headaches, seizures and heart crashes
My medication is necessary…

My medication lies between your wondrous eyes
The dazzling looks of a challenger
A challenger to the world
And if not the world in your heart stays and survives
Then the universe in your eyes sure looks up to me
The dormant universe
The dormant world and when did we become this arrogant?
And when did we become this inconsiderate of each other
The fear just keeps on evolving in our minds and hearts
Till were ripped apart
The part I'm talking about
Is not the part I want to refer to
It's like I'm preparing
My life for sharing stocks
And stock markets just keep coming through
Hello, my name is Majd
And I came to the world from the world
And I can't fix either..the source or the being
My being is when I exist through papers
And papers exist on her tongue
Bumping into lips of eccentricity
I'll show you nothing of my flaws that’s my biggest one ever
I'll show you nothing of my flaws not because I'm in love with you
But because I'm mad
I'm different types of mad
I'm mad when my mother wakes me up 30 minutes earlier
I'm mad when my school is not my school yet it becomes a thing I go to every morning
I'm mad when my friends are not my friends
But they become a part of me
And you are a part of me
And this is the type of mad I am about you
I'm mad because I can't be whatever you want me to be whenever you want it
I'm mad because I can't be your entertainment, your consolation, your girlfriend, and your brother all at once
Though I try
Though I try

I came across a golden gem today
The ones you leave behind in my mind
But this time it was different
This time it wrote:
If you found a crystal keep it"
Care for it and seek its guidance
Do not turn it into a ring or jewelry
And don’t let your little urge of turning it into something it's not get over you"
So I did
I'm not in love with you
I'm just mad
I'm just mad that I cant be whatever you want me to be whenever you want it
But I try though
But I try…

Emlékeim mint egy templomrom...
És annak kövei a harmatos fűben
Piros-sárga levelek közt hevernek,
Élvezik az őszt, szeretik az öregembert.

És minden szép és csendes! Mintha
Szentlélek szállott volna le e tájra,
S megáldaná minden levélkéjét; s minden
Kedves emberét, melyet szeme látja.

Halkan és félbehagyottan; a szoba
Apró fények csillanására feléled,
És narancssárgán sugárzó falaiban
Hazaérő lakosokat melenget.

Szeretlek ősz, szeretlek téged...
Lelkemet elringatod; majd fölkelted álmából,
Ébredezzen, mert nem élünk hiába; s egy
Arany lánggal ég a remény, mert nem késő még.

A remény utolsó sugarát mentve
szálljon a nép a Földről fel,
Istenünk mondta hogy ha elesik szív,
itt nem ülni, itt tenni kell.
Vándorló képek és látomások
közepette tiszta vízként látom
igédet: bízok a kezedben s
mesteremnek adom a lelkemet.
Mert mondja embernek az Isten:
Küzdjél!
Küzdj, míg összerogyott lábad **** téged
a föld felett; küzdj míg van kiért,
s van miért még élni testedben.
S ha szíveden nyíl csattan s hasít
húsodba keményen, el ne vérezz s merj
nézni félelmednek szemébe:
így bízz a Szentlélekben.
Mert lesznek még majd jobb napok;
mikor az élet úgy dönt, ma nem harap;
s hagy téged élni a sors,
ha eddig nyugtod nem maradt.
Ha kétség támad elmédben s
álmodban zúz a valóság,
tépd szét az érzetet,
hagyd azt porladni lábadnál.
Ez van az Úrtól embernek, ha már
saját erejében nem hisz teremtménye:
remény és erő a felkeléshez,
végtelen szeretet és löket az újrakezdéshez.