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"locker" poems
I feel like I am neurologically deficient That a lot of my brain cells are missing Like a punch drunk doped up punk boxer A pimply muscle bound ***** on steroids Hanging out at my old high school locker No shocker that I am no medical doctor But I always thought I’d be just a bit better I guess on average I am a little bit smarter But the bar is set so low that it requires Very little to grow and go over it, you know In comparison to the other young men I may be grandstanding and one upping them But when it comes to grand scheme of things When compared to past people Who shared my glorious dreams Like Percy Shelley and John Keats Like Ginsburg and the other Beats I think I am drifting of course just a bit Lest we all forget the **** cut the crap to fit in it Maybe I’m okay few travel this way anyways So who’s to say if I’m doing it the wrong or the right way But I still feel like my brain needs a chemical treatment A diet with more nutrients and sufficient Supplements Because I’m feeling neurologically deficient
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May 24, 2015
May 24, 2015 at 4:19 PM UTC
Feeling Deficiant
Goats eat and **** the grass of ramparts, stupefied cannons sit, garrisoned sentries primed for nights of buccaneers, seared by centuries of sun. Down shadowed cobblestoned ramps, fortified shutters covet rifle forend and barrel, wresting rumored slave rebellions from the locker of history, while languid waves whisper indifferently a roll call of human cargo, chattel displaced, cast to the sea. Here history sways to sounds of brown skinned children at play in breakers, laughing, shrieking, thrashing, buoyed by time to this vaulted brick reverberating chamber, here a window’s light is cast beckoning vision past the beach, to seek the horizon Icarus like, to fly towards beauty in terror where an azure sky conjoins a turquoise bay. Copyright © 2003 Gary Brocks
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Aug 26, 2018
Aug 26, 2018 at 5:14 AM UTC
CARIBBEAN FORTRESS MUNITIONS ROOM
We were teammates We suited up We showed up We weren't stars But we rolled in the dirt With the best of them Our blood ran red Like the rest of them Our sweat tasted salty As the most athletic of them Wounds and bruises Ached like the most Stalwart of them We were Bulldogs! We anted up our Gifts and talents to Forge a winning season A flair for humor Wry observation, Encouragement, fortitude And intelligence were as Valuable as speed, Agility and strength We all pined for the Affection of cheerleaders, Bandmembers and the Adoration of fans We equally joined In the chorus of locker room banter And honored the Confidence of camaraderie Such intimacy bares We endured thankless Adversity, while wending through anonymous toil As brothers We grudgingly drank From the vile cup of defeat And passed the chalice Of victory among us To share the savory Taste of triumph As champions The Duke of Wellington Said “the battle of Waterloo Was won on the fields of Eton” I trust my teammates and Not forgotten friends Tasted sweet victories of Happiness and success As they coursed through Their prodigious fields of life And at games end I hope their heart swelled With pride to know they were A beloved and Valiant Bulldog David Irving Korsh #75 BCSL Champion 1973 Rutherford Bulldogs Well done Valiant Bulldog God bless and Godspeed Music Selection: Bruce Springsteen Thunder Road 5/5/18 Puyallup jbm
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Aug 2, 2018
Aug 2, 2018 at 2:58 PM UTC
Valiant Bulldog
<Loud as you can say it> I am Outlaw!          -call me Pirate! I live such freedom,          all souls admire it! The awful God,         has judged my soul, Weighs his measure,           I'll pay my toll! <In a high-pitched voice> The sailor's way,         path unknown, Stars are clouded,         nothing shown? The sea's are high,         a storm is here, Davey Jones' Locker,         my home is near. <Loud again, yell it> There is no heaven,         there is no hell, Life on seas,         the seas they swell, Fish scales on arms,          scales on my legs, Heart born free,          dread-locked and dregs! I am Outlaw!           -call me Pirate! Lost lives redeemed,           some should admire it, The ship upended,           all hands to drown, In Davey Jones' Locker,           a peaceful sound... <In a high-pitched voice> The sailor's way,         path unknown, Stars are clouded,         nothing shown? My time has ended,         fate is near, Davey Jones' Locker,         my death is here. <Loud again, yell it> I am Outlaw!          -call me Pirate! A man of valor,           some do admire it. I am Outlaw!           -call me Pirate! A dreadful life,            though some desire it. I am Outlaw!           -call me Pirate! To Davey Jones' Locker,           my deeds require it. I am Outlaw!           -call me Pirate! I AM OUTLAW!           -CALL ME PIRATE! I am Outlaw!!           -call me Pirate! My life on the ocean,           my God inside it.
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Aug 21, 2016
Aug 21, 2016 at 11:56 PM UTC
The Pirate's Ballad
<Loud as you can say it> I am Outlaw!          -call me Pirate! I live such freedom,          all souls admire it! The awful God,         has judged my soul, Weighs his measure,           I'll pay my toll! <In a high-pitched voice> The sailor's way,         path unknown, Stars are clouded,         nothing shown? The sea's are high,         a storm is here, Davey Jones' Locker,         my home is near. <Loud again, yell it> There is no heaven,         there is no hell, Life on seas,         the seas they swell, Fish scales on arms,          scales on my legs, Heart born free,          dread-locked and dregs! I am Outlaw!           -call me Pirate! Lost lives redeemed,           some should admire it, The ship upended,           all hands to drown, In Davey Jones' Locker,           a peaceful sound... <In a high-pitched voice> The sailor's way,         path unknown, Stars are clouded,         nothing shown? My time has ended,         fate is near, Davey Jones' Locker,         my death is here. <Loud again, yell it> I am Outlaw!          -call me Pirate! A man of valor,           some do admire it. I am Outlaw!           -call me Pirate! A dreadful life,            though some desire it. I am Outlaw!           -call me Pirate! To Davey Jones' Locker,           my deeds require it. I am Outlaw!           -call me Pirate! I AM OUTLAW!           -CALL ME PIRATE! I am Outlaw!!           -call me Pirate! My life on the ocean,           my God inside it.
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65
****** A word I have heard a thousand times A thousand different ways But has always sounded the same, Like ignorance A word that has never left me feeling worthless Or unloved Just misunderstood Even when followed by being thrown into the bathroom stall of a Girl's gym  locker room Or by the few friends I had left helping me clean up my battered face and the hide the bruises I have always been proud of the term ****** because even though it was said to be offensive I was being acknowledged as me But when the word was spilled by the woman who once rocked me to sleep till I was no longer scared The woman who has always protected me It was then that all the pain I ever should have felt Took a hold of my heart and ran it up to my throat until the pain leaked from my eyes I was angry I was sad And I was scared Because I knew that word was always followed by violence And I didn't think that I would be able to walk with my head held high from this one My face turned red and my blood turned cold and I watched my father defend me Finally I stopped him and I looked at her And I said yes, but I'm your ******
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Sep 9, 2014
Sep 9, 2014 at 1:12 PM UTC
Misunderstood ******
one day i was talking to my little sister. she asks me if i was ever depressed. i tell her yes. her eyes widen and her lips are mouthing 'why?' 'babe, i'm transgender.' 'is that it?' so i begin to explain to her the things i feel. i tell her how everyday i can't wait to get home and slice open this body i don't know with a razor from a convenience store. i tell her i don't know how to act like a girl for mom and dad, but apparently i do a **** good job because they don't notice i'm not. i tell her that for fourteen years i've wanted to cut my hair short and never have to wear a skirt to church again. i tell her about the pain and fear of going into a public bathroom. i tell her about the looks the kids at school give me and the shoves from behind about the **** binders and the locker rooms. i tell her that i don't know what they want me to be, and if i can be it. i tell her all i want is to be called 'he' and feel like they mean it. she pauses and gives me a look that says even though she's too young to understand, she does. 'i've always wanted a brother.'
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Apr 25, 2012
Apr 25, 2012 at 8:16 PM UTC
I'm Transgender.
(a brief love story) 1/ The morning sun warmed the dew from the opening rosebud; a bee visited the fragrant heart of the rose; the breeze tumbled a petal to the water, drifted the pale petal across the surface of the water. You surprised me gently. 2/ I thought - hoped - the emotional baggage was safely in the locker, just for once, just overnight, but like a Houdini homing pigeon it escaped, it came back. Like a smart missile locked in on thought patterns it found the target, penetrated the armour, and suddenly just after midnight I knew how Cinderella felt, her new world ****** back through the vortex, as the life we call real returned.
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Nov 4, 2016
Nov 4, 2016 at 3:40 PM UTC
Dos Besos *
I've been painted pink the instant the doctors Wiped me of red. I looked like the boys I knew - our differences a Color palette provided by Mommy and Daddy. I was their little girl, their princess who wished Her hair would stop growing, Lest she be locked in a stone tower. I didn't mind the dress so much then, Not when it was the only difference between me And them. Magic mirror before me, is wrong all I'll ever be? I shut my eyes, unable to stand my body bare. My knight, your skin simply is not right. I've read the mirror never lies. Mommy and Daddy are yelling About my butch haircut. Our little girl the **** they say. I did it myself. Mommy still buys me dresses, Daddy tells her to spend the money on Therapy instead. Daddy asks about boyfriends, Mommy tells him I don't have any because I Hide my ******* I tell them I'm all wrong. They agree. We're talking about two different things. I don't change for gym anymore. The girls are secretly relieved I won't be there To cast a wandering eye in their soft bodies. I'm relieved I won't be in the wrong locker room. Mommy and Daddy don't like me Telling them who I am. I've finally found my way out of the tower and The king and queen are upset because their Princess never made it home, just the knight. My little girl, Mommy cries. I follow the point of Daddy's finger to the door Until I'm on a bus bound for somewhere else. I shift from Pangea into separate pieces. Finally I have space to breathe. Needles, knives, pills bend my body to my will - It took Michelangelo three years to build David. Mommy and Daddy believe me to be A delivery man. They are expecting to sign off On a television set, yet when they see me Idle in the doorframe there is a hesitance, a hope. But most of all there is silence. Mommy cannot speak, her hand curls like a gasp Around her mouth. Daddy begins to cry, his eyes pale and blue. I am hugged. They don't say sorry, but I hear then whisper. My little boy, they say. My little boy.
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Mar 12, 2014
Mar 12, 2014 at 8:33 AM UTC
FtM
I've been painted pink the instant the doctors Wiped me of red. I looked like the boys I knew - our differences a Color palette provided by Mommy and Daddy. I was their little girl, their princess who wished Her hair would stop growing, Lest she be locked in a stone tower. I didn't mind the dress so much then, Not when it was the only difference between me And them. Magic mirror before me, is wrong all I'll ever be? I shut my eyes, unable to stand my body bare. My knight, your skin simply is not right. I've read the mirror never lies. Mommy and Daddy are yelling About my butch haircut. Our little girl the **** they say. I did it myself. Mommy still buys me dresses, Daddy tells her to spend the money on Therapy instead. Daddy asks about boyfriends, Mommy tells him I don't have any because I Hide my ******* I tell them I'm all wrong. They agree. We're talking about two different things. I don't change for gym anymore. The girls are secretly relieved I won't be there To cast a wandering eye in their soft bodies. I'm relieved I won't be in the wrong locker room. Mommy and Daddy don't like me Telling them who I am. I've finally found my way out of the tower and The king and queen are upset because their Princess never made it home, just the knight. My little girl, Mommy cries. I follow the point of Daddy's finger to the door Until I'm on a bus bound for somewhere else. I shift from Pangea into separate pieces. Finally I have space to breathe. Needles, knives, pills bend my body to my will - It took Michelangelo three years to build David. Mommy and Daddy believe me to be A delivery man. They are expecting to sign off On a television set, yet when they see me Idle in the doorframe there is a hesitance, a hope. But most of all there is silence. Mommy cannot speak, her hand curls like a gasp Around her mouth. Daddy begins to cry, his eyes pale and blue. I am hugged. They don't say sorry, but I hear then whisper. My little boy, they say. My little boy.
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54
Something about the woven leather Reminds me of sandals you once wore, In the garden enjoying the sun. Your shorts and that old cotton vest the one that was probably once white, but Nanny wasn't around to do your whites anymore, and so it grew greyer as your hair grew whiter. The sun's rays danced through the waves of your hair and into the garden, Filling it with light, shining down upon plastic flowers planted among coloured stones. Smells of stale cakes from bargain stalls and the sugar from flat lemonade in murky cups wafted out the back door and clashed with that overpowering cooking smell as you sat in your sun lounger and baked yourself in vegetable oil, cooking your Irish skin to a crisp! The flower patterns of your walls in the garden and cast iron patio furniture, The plastic mat that covered the carpet and always managed to trip us, The halogen heater in the parlour and blanket on your knees, The clumps of bullseye sweets in your locker and Quality Street tin of empty wrappers, The damp and stale smells of the kitchen in your care, The holy pictures and moving Jesus on the stairs, The bath marbles we loved to play with and how they'd smash upon collision, And the pink, silk quilt that enveloped your bed, They're all pieces in the mosaic that illustrates your memory now and they'll never be broken. I've glued them so tightly together it's as strong as your jaw! Your jaw, always known to make eyes water when you'd turn during a goodbye kiss on your cheek and crush our noses! Even when we tried to approach with caution! But oh what anyone of us wouldn't give to feel that again, just to say goodbye and think we'd be over to the Bluebell to see you again. So now I sit and look at the woven leather on my sandals and remember all the details, all the memories that are woven together to make you. Sometimes I wish I could click the heels together. Bluebell Bluebell Bluebell And be back in that garden, once more.
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Sep 20, 2016
Sep 20, 2016 at 5:41 AM UTC
Grandad Kinsella's Sandals
Something about the woven leather Reminds me of sandals you once wore, In the garden enjoying the sun. Your shorts and that old cotton vest the one that was probably once white, but Nanny wasn't around to do your whites anymore, and so it grew greyer as your hair grew whiter. The sun's rays danced through the waves of your hair and into the garden, Filling it with light, shining down upon plastic flowers planted among coloured stones. Smells of stale cakes from bargain stalls and the sugar from flat lemonade in murky cups wafted out the back door and clashed with that overpowering cooking smell as you sat in your sun lounger and baked yourself in vegetable oil, cooking your Irish skin to a crisp! The flower patterns of your walls in the garden and cast iron patio furniture, The plastic mat that covered the carpet and always managed to trip us, The halogen heater in the parlour and blanket on your knees, The clumps of bullseye sweets in your locker and Quality Street tin of empty wrappers, The damp and stale smells of the kitchen in your care, The holy pictures and moving Jesus on the stairs, The bath marbles we loved to play with and how they'd smash upon collision, And the pink, silk quilt that enveloped your bed, They're all pieces in the mosaic that illustrates your memory now and they'll never be broken. I've glued them so tightly together it's as strong as your jaw! Your jaw, always known to make eyes water when you'd turn during a goodbye kiss on your cheek and crush our noses! Even when we tried to approach with caution! But oh what anyone of us wouldn't give to feel that again, just to say goodbye and think we'd be over to the Bluebell to see you again. So now I sit and look at the woven leather on my sandals and remember all the details, all the memories that are woven together to make you. Sometimes I wish I could click the heels together. Bluebell Bluebell Bluebell And be back in that garden, once more.
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27
you know that famous saying "notice me, senpai" but heck, you're younger. that makes me your senpai. we could be a romance-comedy manga or anime. so let's make a plot twist together. how about i write this on a piece of paper, and drop it into your locker? " "notice me" - senpai "
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Nov 29, 2015
Nov 29, 2015 at 2:04 AM UTC
"notice me" - senpai
dear Jackson, i saw you again today with her. i was going to talk to you until she pulled you into a kiss and so i left it to another day dear Jackson, i saw you again with her but this time she was looking away and you looking at her, and i wondered what were you thinking about? dear Jackson, she wasnt with you today so i sat next to you and you told me you had an argument with her so i gave my condolences and you said not to worry dear Jackson, you were by yourself again today but came to me you seemed really down and so i offered you strawberry milk you smiled, and thanked me i know she hates strawberry milk dear Jackson, you were with her again today smiling this time and laughing she had a banana milk in her hand as did you and so i left dear Jackson, i didnt see you today i wondered where you were as i sat on the bench drinking my strawberry milk dear Jackson, she was screaming at you today and you screamed back she stormed off leaving you alone as you sat with head in your hands and i drank my strawberry milk dear Jackson, i gave you another strawberry milk and you thanked me with a small grin and we sat there drinking and enjoying eachothers company dear Jackson, you should smile more it really suits you its just a shame that today you smiled because of her dear Jackson, there was a strawberry milk in your locker and she said it was from her and you accepted it and kissed her forgetting she hated strawberry milk dear Jackson, its been 5 months since weve spoken and i sit here every day wishing and drinking my strawberry milk as you smile together i was going to talk to you, but whats the point.
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Feb 7, 2017
Feb 7, 2017 at 8:06 AM UTC
strawberry milk
dear Jackson, i saw you again today with her. i was going to talk to you until she pulled you into a kiss and so i left it to another day dear Jackson, i saw you again with her but this time she was looking away and you looking at her, and i wondered what were you thinking about? dear Jackson, she wasnt with you today so i sat next to you and you told me you had an argument with her so i gave my condolences and you said not to worry dear Jackson, you were by yourself again today but came to me you seemed really down and so i offered you strawberry milk you smiled, and thanked me i know she hates strawberry milk dear Jackson, you were with her again today smiling this time and laughing she had a banana milk in her hand as did you and so i left dear Jackson, i didnt see you today i wondered where you were as i sat on the bench drinking my strawberry milk dear Jackson, she was screaming at you today and you screamed back she stormed off leaving you alone as you sat with head in your hands and i drank my strawberry milk dear Jackson, i gave you another strawberry milk and you thanked me with a small grin and we sat there drinking and enjoying eachothers company dear Jackson, you should smile more it really suits you its just a shame that today you smiled because of her dear Jackson, there was a strawberry milk in your locker and she said it was from her and you accepted it and kissed her forgetting she hated strawberry milk dear Jackson, its been 5 months since weve spoken and i sit here every day wishing and drinking my strawberry milk as you smile together i was going to talk to you, but whats the point.
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57
The hanky he was sobbing into was crusty, ***** unwashed, unclean; yet strangely comforting to a little boy, as he cried he made his way to a culvert behind the school, some place the other kids couldn’t see him crying, it was more comfortable being near rocks -next to that watershed for some reason? He looked down at his antagonist, the scaly-green feet, they made him cry harder, he lamented… “Why have I been tormented so?” “Who gave me these feet? Who made me this way, lizardly, scaly, an animal no?” “What class am I, what species? Are those toenails, claws or a disease?” “The way I’m treated makes me sad. Where is my mommy, where is my dad? “Did I come from an egg? Didn’t we all? Why do they pick on me, make me feel so small?” “My feet are reptilian even I can see that!” “Am I part lizard? Are there horns on my back?” “I can’t hide in sneakers ‘cause the claws tear them apart.” “Not great at math, language or art.” “They always pickin’ on me, today it’s in the schoolyard.” “That is why I sit here on the rocks crying with my ugly feet and sullen heart,” “Cannot run fast so no baseball, basketball or soccer…” “The other kids tried to stuff me in my own locker…” “One mean little girl even threw a dead mouse at me!” “But I’m only part lizard as far as I can see?” “My English teacher says that my words are like a bird song” “If I talk like a birdie along with monster’s feet, no wonder I don’t belong!” “Even still, to be so mean to me, I know that it is wrong…” “ONE DAY I WILL SHOW THEM ALL, THESE FEET THEY HAVE A PURPOSE!” “MY WORDS OF SONG AND FEET OF MAGIC COMBINE A COSMIC CIRCUS!” “I am no freak of nature, no forest Pan or Satyr…” “It is not the way I look, my clothes or feet that matter…” “It is what is in my heart and mind, the things I do that truly count…” “For those things that make us different, for they are tantamount…” “Seven heads, seven stages, seven fables, seven sages” “Seven stars and seven wonders and seven heavens that we’re under…” “And all those things they say are great and marvelous about us…” “Will one day be written in the book by Great Old Uncle Taautus!” *
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Jun 9, 2016
Jun 9, 2016 at 10:29 PM UTC
Scylla’s Son
The hanky he was sobbing into was crusty, ***** unwashed, unclean; yet strangely comforting to a little boy, as he cried he made his way to a culvert behind the school, some place the other kids couldn’t see him crying, it was more comfortable being near rocks -next to that watershed for some reason? He looked down at his antagonist, the scaly-green feet, they made him cry harder, he lamented… “Why have I been tormented so?” “Who gave me these feet? Who made me this way, lizardly, scaly, an animal no?” “What class am I, what species? Are those toenails, claws or a disease?” “The way I’m treated makes me sad. Where is my mommy, where is my dad? “Did I come from an egg? Didn’t we all? Why do they pick on me, make me feel so small?” “My feet are reptilian even I can see that!” “Am I part lizard? Are there horns on my back?” “I can’t hide in sneakers ‘cause the claws tear them apart.” “Not great at math, language or art.” “They always pickin’ on me, today it’s in the schoolyard.” “That is why I sit here on the rocks crying with my ugly feet and sullen heart,” “Cannot run fast so no baseball, basketball or soccer…” “The other kids tried to stuff me in my own locker…” “One mean little girl even threw a dead mouse at me!” “But I’m only part lizard as far as I can see?” “My English teacher says that my words are like a bird song” “If I talk like a birdie along with monster’s feet, no wonder I don’t belong!” “Even still, to be so mean to me, I know that it is wrong…” “ONE DAY I WILL SHOW THEM ALL, THESE FEET THEY HAVE A PURPOSE!” “MY WORDS OF SONG AND FEET OF MAGIC COMBINE A COSMIC CIRCUS!” “I am no freak of nature, no forest Pan or Satyr…” “It is not the way I look, my clothes or feet that matter…” “It is what is in my heart and mind, the things I do that truly count…” “For those things that make us different, for they are tantamount…” “Seven heads, seven stages, seven fables, seven sages” “Seven stars and seven wonders and seven heavens that we’re under…” “And all those things they say are great and marvelous about us…” “Will one day be written in the book by Great Old Uncle Taautus!” *
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38
Rising from the sand at low tide, The shipwreck’s spars, brown wet, decaying Reaching like skeletal fingers, grasping For one last piece of the breaking daylight Tentacles of seaweed, woven Wrapped around decaying planks Anchoring it firmly To Davy Jones’ Locker Barnacle encrusted planks Lie twisted, turned, unnatural Frozen in a final plea of mercy Before white tipped monsters Crashed across the bow, Splitting, tearing masts Sending it to the murky depths
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Aug 3, 2015
Aug 3, 2015 at 3:12 PM UTC
Shipwreck
Citrus trees, tomatoes, and fertile soil Garliconiongingersoy and ant spray Contentment Cigarettes and hate Aqua Net White school paste Bitter slimy spinach and blue ditto ink Confusion Cigarettes and hate Cigarettes and hate Baseball glove Mown grass Fresh popcorn Sadness Cigarettes and hate Cigarettes and hate Cigarettes and hate Cramped, stale cars Claustrophobia and Cat litter Loneliness Cigarettes and hate Cigarettes and hate Cigarettes and hate Cigarettes and hate Petroleum Locker Rooms and Perfume Indifference Cigarettes and hate Cigarettes and hate Cigarettes and hate Cigarettes and hate Cigarettes and hate Smoggy skies Salty beaches Beer trucks at each end of the block Love And... Blessed... Divorce
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Nov 20, 2011
Nov 20, 2011 at 3:13 PM UTC
Life, in Smells, Part One
I know from my past, gym class From locker rooms, I learned fast That lots of guys have winners But my sausage is from Vienna. I got a little bump, a tiny little lump, Like a hamster has taken a dump. Nothing bulges my shorts at the crotch. Not much there for anyone to watch. But our society puts the emphasis On just how big your business is. If you have a tiny peter, my friend Many kinds of applause will end. Go read the writing on the walls, Because you will inherit the catcalls And no matter how much you moan They come through no fault of your own. Regarded as less than a man; sick Or perverted to have a small **** As too often I have been told Since as a kid and not very old Amid laughter and cruel jests I have learned a big **** is best. No matter it’s something I can’t change, Apparently a small ***** is strange. In time I left behind those taunts As I left behind adolescent haunts. The pain has become only a taint; The scars of bullies with no restraint, But I am sure I never will fully be Free of their thoughtless bigotry As I reach the age of an old codger Dealing with life with a not so jolly roger.
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Oct 3, 2015
Oct 3, 2015 at 10:11 PM UTC
***** ENVY
All day, every day I'm terrified of you. Again and again your fist makes contact with my skin. Broken spirit, heart, will, pride. Be happy because you broke me. Can't you just smell the pride seeping off of you     as you beat me up again. Can anybody see me? Help me? Dead.     I'm dead. **** Everyone looks the other way. Nothing wrong happens in their worlds. Even the teachers. Fear seeps into my bones when I see you in the halls. 'Fuck you!' I scream in my head, but can never get the words    out my mouth. *** you whisper, in a way that cuts deeper than any scream. Go away. Please. Get bored of me. How can someone be this awful? Help me. It was stupid of me to fight back, because I can't breath after you kick me in the stomach. Just make my life a living hell, please    be my guest. Justice is **** Keep an eye on me, in case I start to get    happy again. That could be a problem. Key word: Target. Love is foreign now. Lonely is not. My days are black. Are you happy now? Maybe your life is **** so you have to make    my life the same. Never has someone hated me so much    just for being alive. Nice welcome to high school. "Oh who would ever give a **** about you?" Obviously, no one. Please... Please... People, why can't you see me?! "Queen ***** I call you. "Queen of the rats" you call me. Running, running, running again. Running in vain for you will only get me later. Sometimes I can avoid you, or manage to get away with     only a shove or an insult. Stay and beat me if you want, if it makes you feel better    because I am giving up for now. "Tomorrow, today won't seem so long" I tell myself. Tell me help is coming. Underdogs always win in the end right? Under your power is not where I thought I would be. Vacant are my eyes, for you have driven my soul away. Vandalized locker, I know it was you. When will I be safe? What did I ever do to you? Xanax would be perfect to OD on. You're a monster… But you have all the power. Zero Bullying Tolerance, that's    ********
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Oct 10, 2011
Oct 10, 2011 at 8:10 PM UTC
Zero Bullying Tolerance
All day, every day I'm terrified of you. Again and again your fist makes contact with my skin. Broken spirit, heart, will, pride. Be happy because you broke me. Can't you just smell the pride seeping off of you     as you beat me up again. Can anybody see me? Help me? Dead.     I'm dead. **** Everyone looks the other way. Nothing wrong happens in their worlds. Even the teachers. Fear seeps into my bones when I see you in the halls. 'Fuck you!' I scream in my head, but can never get the words    out my mouth. *** you whisper, in a way that cuts deeper than any scream. Go away. Please. Get bored of me. How can someone be this awful? Help me. It was stupid of me to fight back, because I can't breath after you kick me in the stomach. Just make my life a living hell, please    be my guest. Justice is **** Keep an eye on me, in case I start to get    happy again. That could be a problem. Key word: Target. Love is foreign now. Lonely is not. My days are black. Are you happy now? Maybe your life is **** so you have to make    my life the same. Never has someone hated me so much    just for being alive. Nice welcome to high school. "Oh who would ever give a **** about you?" Obviously, no one. Please... Please... People, why can't you see me?! "Queen ***** I call you. "Queen of the rats" you call me. Running, running, running again. Running in vain for you will only get me later. Sometimes I can avoid you, or manage to get away with     only a shove or an insult. Stay and beat me if you want, if it makes you feel better    because I am giving up for now. "Tomorrow, today won't seem so long" I tell myself. Tell me help is coming. Underdogs always win in the end right? Under your power is not where I thought I would be. Vacant are my eyes, for you have driven my soul away. Vandalized locker, I know it was you. When will I be safe? What did I ever do to you? Xanax would be perfect to OD on. You're a monster… But you have all the power. Zero Bullying Tolerance, that's    ********
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christmas lights have a smell as does freedom, hatred, and ugliness of heart headaches have a smell, clarity has a smell home smells like new wood and sand, both growing up and childhood smell like smoke, fear smells like my sister's old bathroom sleep smells like my mom's perfume love is warm and smells like sleep anxiety smells like Pure Sport Old Spice deodorant, work smells like a gym, familiarity smells like the locker room when the trash hasn't been taken out, lost love smells like grass on the lakefront, nostalgia smells like a cappucino, comfort in isolation smells like the fur of a dog, purpose smells like a church, platitudes smell like mildew, tears smell like rotten wood but joy smells like that too, jubilation smells like a fire crackling, discomfort smells like that attic smell when the Halloween decorations are taken out, new beginnings as well as things we leave behind smell like airports and morning dew, risk smells like a hot tub, liberty smells like a public pool, a broken heart smells like the mountains, but a healed heart smells like them too.
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Nov 30, 2015
Nov 30, 2015 at 11:33 PM UTC
smell
Someday a man will look me in the eyes and I will not see myself reflected in his pupils, but the best version of myself. The tangled parts of me I’ve kept buried deep within coursing veins, pieces even I don’t understand but can be unraveled by his hands only. My ******* will not be symbols of my ability to **** but will offer warmth and support, a nuzzling ground fit for only his temples and the warm wet mouths of our children. My hips won’t just offer smooth curves of lust and temptation, but will prove strong enough to survive all the wrong paths I took in finding him. My *** won’t be bragged about in locker rooms nor silenced by sharp thrusts and stabbing bites. It will be real. That thing they call love with entangle us together in unison and we will be equals, making love to pouring rain dancing barefoot through emotional hallways of our future. Someday a man will look me in the eyes And see me as I truly am.
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Nov 23, 2011
Nov 23, 2011 at 4:11 PM UTC
A Real Man
There are three types of heartaches Heartache #1 The heartache where you were never loved back. He’d look at you and smile but you know the sparkle in his eyes isn’t because of you. He’ll hug you goodbye but you can smell the scent of her perfume as you snuggle your head into his neck. He would turn away and you’d look at him as if he was the most celestial being you’ll ever see and you’ll remember, the way you look at him, is the way he looks at her. Heartache #2 The heartache where you strive to make their life a living hell. You’ll break his heart and realise when it’s too late that you’ve broken yours in the process as well. So while he is sitting next to you because he has no other choice, you hum the song that he dedicated to you just loud enough for him to hear, and you’ll know it’s driving him mad. And you’ll wear the shirt he said he loved on you as you pretend to run into him, whether it’s walking casually in the hallway or chatting with someone who happens to be right near his locker. You’ll find a new boy to smile and laugh with and you’ll know he is in the distance watching, remembering how he used to be the one that got that smile out of you. Heartache #3 The heartache that never goes away. The one with the mesmerising blue eyes and smug smile that could devour your soul in a heartbeat. It’s the restless nights of talking about all your fears, dreams, insecurities; everything that makes you, you. It’s the way you let yourself be vulnerable as he touched your naked skin. He’ll hold your hand and make promises he never intended to keep. He’ll make you believe every word he says is true. He’ll make you see that planting flowers in your lungs is so much better than destroying yourself. But he’ll fail to tell you that once those flowers die, you wont be able to breathe.
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Jul 21, 2016
Jul 21, 2016 at 11:03 PM UTC
Heartache
There are three types of heartaches Heartache #1 The heartache where you were never loved back. He’d look at you and smile but you know the sparkle in his eyes isn’t because of you. He’ll hug you goodbye but you can smell the scent of her perfume as you snuggle your head into his neck. He would turn away and you’d look at him as if he was the most celestial being you’ll ever see and you’ll remember, the way you look at him, is the way he looks at her. Heartache #2 The heartache where you strive to make their life a living hell. You’ll break his heart and realise when it’s too late that you’ve broken yours in the process as well. So while he is sitting next to you because he has no other choice, you hum the song that he dedicated to you just loud enough for him to hear, and you’ll know it’s driving him mad. And you’ll wear the shirt he said he loved on you as you pretend to run into him, whether it’s walking casually in the hallway or chatting with someone who happens to be right near his locker. You’ll find a new boy to smile and laugh with and you’ll know he is in the distance watching, remembering how he used to be the one that got that smile out of you. Heartache #3 The heartache that never goes away. The one with the mesmerising blue eyes and smug smile that could devour your soul in a heartbeat. It’s the restless nights of talking about all your fears, dreams, insecurities; everything that makes you, you. It’s the way you let yourself be vulnerable as he touched your naked skin. He’ll hold your hand and make promises he never intended to keep. He’ll make you believe every word he says is true. He’ll make you see that planting flowers in your lungs is so much better than destroying yourself. But he’ll fail to tell you that once those flowers die, you wont be able to breathe.
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Dearest Reader, My name is Margot Dylan, and I'm a pariah. On the 16th of April, I told my mother that I was gay. She threw the clay mug that I made for her before she found out I was gay, against the floral, peeling wallpaper mess of a wall, in our kitchen. The decaffeinated peppermint green tea left a wonderful aroma that almost cleansed the room of the stench of 'lesbian'. I met Dylan Dunham a few days after that, and, a few days later, she was the first girl that I ever loved. Dylan wore a red flannel jacket, and was a butch and sometimes a bitch-but I loved her even at her tomboy cruelest. Dylan smoked a cigarette that smelled like lonerism, and she looked at me like she didn't care. My heart skipped a beat, as cliche as it sounds, whenever she would remove the cigarette from her mouth, exhale, and look at me as smoke traveled up her face. I looked at her and knew that she was everything that I wasn't, and everything that I wanted. Dylan was Dianne, before and after school. Dylan was Dianne, who wore floral dresses and lipstick and who ditched her butch clothing in her locker before leaving. Dylan was Dianne, who was straight and who thought Tyler Wesson, from church, was cute. Dylan was Dianne, who had a short hair cut because of track and field, because she explained that she ran a faster time with less hair. Dylan was Dianne, who didn't associate with me before or after school because her parents knew that I was gay. During school hours, the only thing Dylan did keep from Dianne was the lipstick. I was envious of the cigarette because of it's burgundy stains. We would stand in a stall, as she looked across from me, after each drag. She frequently offered her cigarettes, but I refused because I only let love **** me. If she ever brought alcohol, sometimes she'd kiss me. I told her that I loved her and she said, "I know." The only thing that Dylan kept from me was my heart, before she started to smoke cigarettes in the bathroom with Annie Way. I wish you the best moments so they can overcome the worst, Margot Dylan
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Jul 31, 2014
Jul 31, 2014 at 1:50 PM UTC
July 31st, 2014
Dearest Reader, My name is Margot Dylan, and I'm a pariah. On the 16th of April, I told my mother that I was gay. She threw the clay mug that I made for her before she found out I was gay, against the floral, peeling wallpaper mess of a wall, in our kitchen. The decaffeinated peppermint green tea left a wonderful aroma that almost cleansed the room of the stench of 'lesbian'. I met Dylan Dunham a few days after that, and, a few days later, she was the first girl that I ever loved. Dylan wore a red flannel jacket, and was a butch and sometimes a bitch-but I loved her even at her tomboy cruelest. Dylan smoked a cigarette that smelled like lonerism, and she looked at me like she didn't care. My heart skipped a beat, as cliche as it sounds, whenever she would remove the cigarette from her mouth, exhale, and look at me as smoke traveled up her face. I looked at her and knew that she was everything that I wasn't, and everything that I wanted. Dylan was Dianne, before and after school. Dylan was Dianne, who wore floral dresses and lipstick and who ditched her butch clothing in her locker before leaving. Dylan was Dianne, who was straight and who thought Tyler Wesson, from church, was cute. Dylan was Dianne, who had a short hair cut because of track and field, because she explained that she ran a faster time with less hair. Dylan was Dianne, who didn't associate with me before or after school because her parents knew that I was gay. During school hours, the only thing Dylan did keep from Dianne was the lipstick. I was envious of the cigarette because of it's burgundy stains. We would stand in a stall, as she looked across from me, after each drag. She frequently offered her cigarettes, but I refused because I only let love **** me. If she ever brought alcohol, sometimes she'd kiss me. I told her that I loved her and she said, "I know." The only thing that Dylan kept from me was my heart, before she started to smoke cigarettes in the bathroom with Annie Way. I wish you the best moments so they can overcome the worst, Margot Dylan
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I walk into school, and find your unique Blue glowing outline amoungst the average outlined people. i lean on your locker as you tell me how the last episode of the walking dead ended. as i listen to your unique voice i taste buttered popcorn. it wasn't an unusual event. It wasn't till the day, I walked into school, And i saw you, you were sick and your voice was raspy. but my brain refused to accept, that it was you. because you were lacking a ring of colour. and your voice tasted of caramel, and not of buttery popcorn, and i asked you where your, colours went, it wasn't till then did i realise, that i was not normal. and thats when i was told, that i had synesthesia.
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Jun 3, 2013
Jun 3, 2013 at 6:14 PM UTC
Synesthesia
I. This year I've done nothing remarkable, because that wasn't on my syllabus. But, I did learn how to make conversation with an empty locker, because you weren't one of the students who'd had gone off on Exchange. II. This year I've done nothing worth remembering, because my timetable had no place for memories. But, I did learn how to inject meaning into moments were there were none, because you weren't one of the poems in my last English paper. III. This year I've done nothing for my soul, because I'm just a candidate number. But, I did learn how to learn how my examiners think. Past papers are the future, and you aren't one of those questions that I'll get full marks for again. IV. And this year, time will pass itself, killing everything but my memories, but my final grades. V. And this year, time will have passed itself, having killed everything. Even my memories. Even my final grades. VI. As everything becomes everything again, the year next; with another you, with another syllabus.
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Dec 30, 2014
Dec 30, 2014 at 12:43 PM UTC
Yearbook.
Young Liam loved Orange and liked to wear ties. To his firehouse friends He was one of the guys. He had his own locker a slicker and hat. He also had cancer, and a bad one at that. From early on in his life he fought neuroblastoma ; An invasive tumor a metastatic carcinoma. His family who loved him labored to save their dear little child Prince Liam the Brave. He faced surgery bravely, engaged in his fight.. He endured radiation Chemo and knife. When many a New Yorker complains about stress, Prince Liam was stoic When put to the test. Then just before Christmas he suffered a relapse He became neutrapenic- His immune system collapsed. With blood in his ***** And a spot on his lung Liam grew weak. his defenses undone. An Amethyst stone he received from a friend was his talisman of hope that he held to the end. The worst part of the journey was when hope was gone. Then Liam lay, still and silent in his mother's arms. There are brave fire fighters Who’ll be fighting back tears Brave Prince Liam has died, He lived only six years There are many old people still avoiding the grave Who know less about love Than did Liam the brave We will gather together In St Francis’ nave To remember the life of Prince Liam the brave i
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Dec 29, 2011
Dec 29, 2011 at 8:18 AM UTC
Prince Liam, the Brave
Art class was a given A bird course as they say But, our teacher had gone awol You could say he flew away They found him at a campsite Cross legged on a mat Naked, drinking cool aid And talking to his cat He snapped while teaching concepts beyond the grasp of teenage kids Who only wanted to pass time and be on ebay making bids He taught them about structure about lines and Bernard Frize and now he's in the forest sitting naked with the trees Pastels, crayons and chalk sticks littered where he sat sitting naked, drinking kool aid and talking to his cat the kids, they drove him crazy never doing what he told Instead they sat and doodled while the teacher...well...unrolled they didn't draw the things he asked didn't study all the masters instead they were more intent on creating art disasters he came to class equipped one day to show them some van gogh instead they all got up And told him he could blow he snapped and left the class room never stopping at the door he went to his apartment and picked the cat up off the floor he went down to the locker he took his tent back to the car he was going to go camping he wasn't going to a bar he drove up to the campsite made his kool aid, grabbed his cat took his clothes off and got naked and sat down upon his mat this is where they found him seven days since he walked out he's now painting in nice place where there's lots of staff about most days he sits in silence in his jacket, sleeves behind zonked out on medication to help him find his mind they give him lots of kool aid but his cat he does not see he just paints with all his fingers making pictures of a tree once he was a teacher of a bird course teaching art now he gets all his excitement drinking kool aid from the cart in his mind there are da vincis claude monets and rembrandts too but, on paper he paints tree limbs in black and grey and blue...
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Jul 15, 2013
Jul 15, 2013 at 11:42 PM UTC
The Art Teacher
Art class was a given A bird course as they say But, our teacher had gone awol You could say he flew away They found him at a campsite Cross legged on a mat Naked, drinking cool aid And talking to his cat He snapped while teaching concepts beyond the grasp of teenage kids Who only wanted to pass time and be on ebay making bids He taught them about structure about lines and Bernard Frize and now he's in the forest sitting naked with the trees Pastels, crayons and chalk sticks littered where he sat sitting naked, drinking kool aid and talking to his cat the kids, they drove him crazy never doing what he told Instead they sat and doodled while the teacher...well...unrolled they didn't draw the things he asked didn't study all the masters instead they were more intent on creating art disasters he came to class equipped one day to show them some van gogh instead they all got up And told him he could blow he snapped and left the class room never stopping at the door he went to his apartment and picked the cat up off the floor he went down to the locker he took his tent back to the car he was going to go camping he wasn't going to a bar he drove up to the campsite made his kool aid, grabbed his cat took his clothes off and got naked and sat down upon his mat this is where they found him seven days since he walked out he's now painting in nice place where there's lots of staff about most days he sits in silence in his jacket, sleeves behind zonked out on medication to help him find his mind they give him lots of kool aid but his cat he does not see he just paints with all his fingers making pictures of a tree once he was a teacher of a bird course teaching art now he gets all his excitement drinking kool aid from the cart in his mind there are da vincis claude monets and rembrandts too but, on paper he paints tree limbs in black and grey and blue...
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