"kue" poems
perjalananmu pasti cukup melelahkan, bahkan menjadi buta pun bisa melihatnya dengan baik. ini, disini, rebahkanlah kekhawatiranmu yang semakin hari menjadi gusar dalam doa-doa yang tabah. akan kuganti dari setiap amin yang kamu titipkan pada malam diam-diam. hati yang kemarin kamu pertaruhkan untuk menemukanku dalam mereka laut yang kesulitan kamu pelajari siapa Tuhannya, yang telah bersusah payah kamu coba taklukkan.
tidak apa-apa. tenggelamlah sesekali, mungkin lima, teguk pilunya, dan pelajari dengan bijak. pada akhirnya, jiwamu yang diberi nama manusia akan piawai membawa diri. paling sedikit, penjaga yang tahu kapan dan untuk apa waktunya sepadan dengan raga yang tersedia.
aku akan menerima sebutan sialan, menyebalkan! dalam hidup bagai keputusasaan jarum dalam jerami dengan senang hati, malah. setidaknya, kamu adalah pelaut yang cukup handal karena aku, dari jatuh-bangun-tenggelam-terbentur-salah nama dan angkatan telepon yang kesalnya harus diangkat.
bahkan, syukurku akan terpenuhi menjadi sebuah tetes melengkapi lautanmu. aku adalah satu tetes yang akan cukup membuatmu rumpang kapan saja, yang akan kamu kejar dengan bodohnya kapan saja. katakan saja terdengar ganjil. siapa peduli. aku tidak akan menjadi mudah karena aku adalah pembalut kulit dan hati terlukamu dan akan selamanya menjadi tugasku.
namaku lebih dari sebuah harap. aku tak akan pernah dan ingin menjadi harap, sebab payah adalah nama kedua dari harap. aku adalah, “kamu bisa mempunyai bagian besar dari kue ini.” atau, “tentu saja. aku punya alasan untuk mengemudi dengan hati-hati dan kembali.”
namaku sederhana.
sederhana dan akan selalu nyaman.
setelah hari itu yang penuh prasangka dan tanda tanya dari dunia yang kamu kenal dan tidak.
namaku adalah seorang pelindung dan pahlawan yang gigih nafasnya, nama yang ketika rindumu akan lapar dan kehausan menemui pelepasnya.
aku adalah kemenangan dan hadiah kemurahan hati.
rumah.
Jan 18, 2019
Jan 18, 2019 at 8:53 AM UTC
Ulang tahun singkat ku
Ingin ku rayakan di Surga-Mu
Yang indah penuh warna pelangi
Yang panjang, ku harap bagai usia ku
Ku yakin kamu tak kan tau
Hari ulang tahun ku
Namun, melihat senyummu dari jauh
Adalah hadiah terindah di Hari Ulang Tahun ku
Kue tinggi tidak ada
Lilin pun tak menyala
Hanya ku tusuk di atas tanah
Ku ucapkan harap ku selamanya
Feb 18, 2012
Feb 18, 2012 at 10:58 PM UTC
The birches are mad with green points
the wood’s edge is burning with their green,
burning, seething—No, no, no.
The birches are opening their leaves one
by one. Their delicate leaves unfold cold
and separate, one by one. Slender tassels
hang swaying from the delicate branch tips—
Oh, I cannot say it. There is no word.
Black is split at once into flowers. In
every bog and ditch, flares of
small fire, white flowers!—Agh,
the birches are mad, mad with their green.
The world is gone, torn into shreds
with this blessing. What have I left undone
that I should have undertaken?
O my brother, you redfaced, living man
ignorant, stupid whose feet are upon
this same dirt that I touch—and eat.
We are alone in this terror, alone,
face to face on this road, you and I,
wrapped by this flame!
Let the polished plows stay idle,
their gloss already on the black soil.
But that face of yours—!
Answer me. I will clutch you. I
will hug you, grip you. I will poke my face
into your face and force you to see me.
Take me in your arms, tell me the commonest
thing that is in your mind to say,
say anything. I will understand you—!
It is the madness of the birch leaves opening
cold, one by one.
My rooms will receive me. But my rooms
are no longer sweet spaces where comfort
is ready to wait on me with its crumbs.
A darkness has brushed them. The mass
of yellow tulips in the bowl is shrunken.
Every familiar object is changed and dwarfed.
I am shaken, broken against a might
that splits comfort, blows apart
my careful partitions, crushes my house
and leaves me—with shrinking heart
and startled, empty eyes—peering out
into a cold world.
In the spring I would be drunk! In the spring
I would be drunk and lie forgetting all things.
Your face! Give me your face, Yang Kue Fei!
your hands, your lips to drink!
Give me your wrists to drink—
I drag you, I am drowned in you, you
overwhelm me! Drink!
Save me! The shad bush is in the edge
of the clearing. The yards in a fury
of lilac blossoms are driving me mad with terror.
Drink and lie forgetting the world.
And coldly the birch leaves are opening one by one.
Coldly I observe them and wait for the end.
And it ends.
2.5k
The birches are mad with green points
the wood’s edge is burning with their green,
burning, seething—No, no, no.
The birches are opening their leaves one
by one. Their delicate leaves unfold cold
and separate, one by one. Slender tassels
hang swaying from the delicate branch tips—
Oh, I cannot say it. There is no word.
Black is split at once into flowers. In
every bog and ditch, flares of
small fire, white flowers!—Agh,
the birches are mad, mad with their green.
The world is gone, torn into shreds
with this blessing. What have I left undone
that I should have undertaken?
O my brother, you redfaced, living man
ignorant, stupid whose feet are upon
this same dirt that I touch—and eat.
We are alone in this terror, alone,
face to face on this road, you and I,
wrapped by this flame!
Let the polished plows stay idle,
their gloss already on the black soil.
But that face of yours—!
Answer me. I will clutch you. I
will hug you, grip you. I will poke my face
into your face and force you to see me.
Take me in your arms, tell me the commonest
thing that is in your mind to say,
say anything. I will understand you—!
It is the madness of the birch leaves opening
cold, one by one.
My rooms will receive me. But my rooms
are no longer sweet spaces where comfort
is ready to wait on me with its crumbs.
A darkness has brushed them. The mass
of yellow tulips in the bowl is shrunken.
Every familiar object is changed and dwarfed.
I am shaken, broken against a might
that splits comfort, blows apart
my careful partitions, crushes my house
and leaves me—with shrinking heart
and startled, empty eyes—peering out
into a cold world.
In the spring I would be drunk! In the spring
I would be drunk and lie forgetting all things.
Your face! Give me your face, Yang Kue Fei!
your hands, your lips to drink!
Give me your wrists to drink—
I drag you, I am drowned in you, you
overwhelm me! Drink!
Save me! The shad bush is in the edge
of the clearing. The yards in a fury
of lilac blossoms are driving me mad with terror.
Drink and lie forgetting the world.
And coldly the birch leaves are opening one by one.
Coldly I observe them and wait for the end.
And it ends.
1.4k
ingin kuhancurkan diriku yang lalu
ingin kuhardik lulu yang kemarin
ingin kumaki kelakuanku dulu
berfoto di kamar kuning
memegang kue tar
diberi kaus kaki telur dan pisang
gelang merah dan tosca
masih kaku
tapi senang
lain dengan sekarang
rambutku tidak karuan
mataku seperti dihajar satpam
bagbigbug karena keadaan
malunya, di rumah cindy
aku nangis di rumah cindy
May 22, 2021
May 22, 2021 at 5:28 AM UTC
i pour my feelings for him
into cake batter
stir for thirty second
slide it into the oven
and let it rise
when it comes out
it smells like sugar and spice
and everything nice that i want but cannot have
so i stuffed it down
i swallow memories whole
hope they don't find their way back again
my stomach is starting hurts
maybe that's just the ache from my gut
from all this longing
i've never been able to tell the difference
Sep 1, 2019
Sep 1, 2019 at 12:40 PM UTC