"jumbling" poems
(and I cannot live
from with-out)
<>
a poem in appreciation to Rossella Di Paolo
<>
I, too:
- am an embryonic work in progress,
well into my seventh decade, with no ending in sight
I too,
live in the house of poetry, the address likely differs,
but suspect the innards of the houses differs little,
the decor, quite similar
- my house shrewdly requests a rethinking,
noting, it lives my artifice,
with in & with out
Then, we are a We:
- my cavities house her, She, Poetry is of Ruth (1) born,
- Poetry, She, reminds me, ”whither thou goest, I will go”
This duality:
- where the haunting of words providential,
emanate, both inhabiting & inhibits my breathing
She, a fearsome creature, a fearful-something,
for it tears me and shreds tears its demands be wrung
from with in to with out
She, Poetry:
- leaves me gaping, hollow, fills me with
depressurizing boreholes exposed to the elements of
externalities of an admixed atmospheres, that nature demands be refilled, fresh in, stale out,
for which the artifice trick is knowing which is which
when Poetry’s birthing:
- chest pounds, heart-rate beats heavy metal,
abdomen contracts, there then, no languid in my language,
no help untangling the alpha-bet jumbling,
product of the screams of pushing,
squeezing it forth*
*you’re hoping to quick-catch newly formed combinations,
for if you fail, a poem
noisily crashes to and through the floorboard cracks,
where poetry’s chaotic glinting etes
maliciously glimmer~winks at me
with a sarcastic thank you*
*“ah, too bad, another creation stillborn,
gone to rest, biting the nether dust,
without hope of resuscitation…”*
just another unfinished work in progress
periodically
a survivor clean caught, transcribed, edited to be finished,
amniotic fluids cleared,
poem resurrected
blessed with eternal life,
readied to be shared and delivered,
affirmed
and you say to no one and to everyone:
this poem will be our poem,
wither it goes, ascending, descending,
all live in the house of poets,
one house,
many apartments,
each poem a god,
and
my God will be our God,
your God, my God,
in the House of Poetry
Jun 21, 2023
Jun 21, 2023 at 5:55 PM UTC
A pass in the hallway,
Talking to no one else,
Jumbling up wrdos and pounricnation,
Then willing to spend hours on the phone...
Oct 14, 2014
Oct 14, 2014 at 9:48 PM UTC
In a strange mood - see/write art
in a strange way, disorganized but straight on,
light tinted magenta, issuing, in frothy large pours, from my mouth,
knowing what to say, and the meaning too,
I can more than walk, can write, on water,
where all can read weeping, Mary-miracles of seeing, living words,
themselves, on light waves lapping in a
shifting rotunda vision, color reorienting spatial senses.^
in a strange, strange stitch, seasonal spirits and witches,
Chagall, Baez, Dylan Thomas, Donovan, Richie Havens
doing their knitting in my brain, from Montmartre to the Midwest to Monterey,
painters and poets in lockstep head-messing with me,
imperfect clarity but still one voice,
see/write art,
so went and caught the wind, going gently into night
to banish the hodgepodge of uncertainty from inside out.
knowing well you don't understand fully, but jumbling tumbling
verses are sliding off my rusted tongue as fiddlers fly above,
roughened words, hewn from a paper cup, spilling diamonds uncut, imported from Sarajevo, Montparnasse, the Lower East Side.
wretched me, in the hour I first believed, this amalgamated conception conceded,
seceded from my mind into your palate for a tasting,
tho neither drugged, nor deaf and dumb, just slammed poetical-like, this write is
all I have to portend is your affections, your attentions, to yours, am beholden.
a ***** well respected man in daylight,
the hidden references accuse,
woke up to see Wednes-day Caesarian born,
askance glanced at the prior passages of the night before,
when my palate clefted,
when eyes chose not to distinguish
between right and lefted,
in the nightlight,
a ***** man disrespects language convection/convention,
and lays before you activating stanzas and his mind, prone,
but always the truth, speaking,
the visions, leaking, mind to eye,
recombinant, into our minds eye.
^ http://www.guggenheim.org/new-york/exhibitions/on-view/james-turrell
Rather than write extensive notes on the many references, inspirations in this poem, if there is a line that intrigues, ask me
Aug 28, 2013
Aug 28, 2013 at 2:49 PM UTC
I have this really amazing friend,
Her name is Radha.
She's great, she deserves the world ♡
She once witnessed me in pain
And she said to me,
"Fairy, get a pen and a book and just start writing.
Anything that bothers you.
Anything you wanna talk about but can't find words to say.
Anything you want out of you,
just write it..."
I admired her approach; it's really great!
'Cause I do write, and it does help...
It helps me to listen to myself clearly,
Without my brain jumbling up my thoughts,
And without my heart shaking in my chest.
But what if she knew,
About the things I write about...
About the things that I constantly think about,
About the things I dream about,
The things I ache about?
What if she knew,
**** even the things that I laugh about,
About the things I can't say out loud,
About the things I burden this site about..?
What if she knew?
-fir.m
Jul 27, 2022
Jul 27, 2022 at 12:36 AM UTC
An anarchist atom
Assaults the atmosphere
With anger and aerial arson
Bringing, begetting
Brutal and ****** battles
In my brain
Initiating chaos
With charges
Of chemicals.
A disection, distortion
Diversion of dedication
And direction
Causing eruptions
Emissions
Of erratic, electric elements
Of ego.
Ferocious fires form
In filaments, firmaments
Feeding the fantastic
Forces
Which grow and gain
In greatness in gravity
Grave, gory, gorgeous
Gloom.
Henceforth hidden horrors
Harrowed in a hollow heart
Instantly interact with
Intimate ideas
Initiating irregular, irrational
Irreversible
Irrelevant
Intimacy
Jealousy
Jumbling of jinxes
And laws of the jungle
For kicks
Leading to lies
Leaving love for loneliness
Loss.
A massive moral meltdown
In my mind
Negating, neutralising
normality
Orchestrates an open
Onslaught of order
And ordinary
People's principles
To pursue passion
And perfection
In a poetic periphery
Quite queer to some
And quaint to those
Not acquainted with
Rushes of ramblings
Received and reciprocated
Or radical ridicule
Of rascals.
Synapses send,
Signal every sinew
Simulating similar signs
But transmitting treacherous
Tingles
Teasing, trapping thoughts
In terror, temptations
To commit treason
Unforgivable, unforgettable
Us
Vivid and vibrant
But also very
Woeful
Wishing we were wild
And willing to walk
Our wishes make wonderful
Wells of
Youth
And creative zest.
Feb 24, 2013
Feb 24, 2013 at 11:09 AM UTC
My desire:
When you danced your way
into my life,
you brought with you
a light;
one which illuminated
the scene around it.
A world -
which was previously
burdened
by imperative darkness -
now exposed to my sight.
Your magnificence
consequently
revealed
the beauty in my own world:
one which I had forgotten,
one which I had
closed the doors upon -
deeming happiness
impossible to find.
I suppose,
what I'm trying to say
is:
you are the light of my life.
But somehow,
those words don't serve justice.
None of my words
serve
justice
to how I feel for you.
Those
nights,
the
music,
mood,
dancing -
are what
I imagine
my heaven
would be.
We could be anywhere -
I could have
nothing
to my name
except black lipstick
and a tenacious heart -
whenever
I'm with you,
I know it's the only place
I need to be.
I wish I could tell you
how you take me
out of this world -
but habitually,
I find it
difficult
to communicate
the music of my heart.
Perhaps,
it's because
alongside
my poor choice of words
and
jumbling of sentences;
whenever
I look into your eyes
the only thought
I can be sure of,
is that
you have the most beautiful face
I have ever seen.
And when you smile -
forget anything
I had on my mind -
your smile
is the kind you read about;
one that makes people
want to do right,
one that
melts away worry;
one
that makes people
fall in love.
Jul 3, 2017
Jul 3, 2017 at 5:43 PM UTC
His smile warms me, as I melt into his embrace...
Leaning into him, my head on his chest,
Drifting to the lull of his heartbeat as he caresses my hand...
His head on mine... Jumbling my thoughts...
He sings in choir, his voice lulling my mind into a peaceful sleep ...
Nov 20, 2017
Nov 20, 2017 at 7:40 PM UTC
Congruent paths never perfectly intersect at any length, But are almost always nearly identical.
We may be parallel but the world has set us completely at odds.
Miles separate the **** near touching lines.
Aspirations and dreams is spreading the distance between me and you.
But those same goals and desires is what's keeping us even closer.
These trails that have already been tread, keeping intentions at a minimal.
Cascades of doubt breeze through the plains of blond wheat.
Slightly obscuring any trace that point A has left going to point B.
My animal like nature will soon arch our parallel lines.
Jumbling up any existence of any path previously taken.
All except for one.
Yet here I am, again waiting for that day that our lines will converge.
Hopelessly waiting for our worlds to be much more symmetrical.
Jul 13, 2011
Jul 13, 2011 at 1:27 AM UTC
my loose hair hides in the pockets of my clothes
calves and elbows jumbling tiredly along the gravel path
that leads to the road
that leads to the only quiet place
left in a city
the strands close their eyes individually so i can dress
the blinds are plastic
and it's too bright to nail a blanket over them
so i make pancakes
and sleep
blond hugs the black of my coat and declares illness
washington doesn't have a secretary of commonwealth
which means the question is blank
Jan 30, 2011
Jan 30, 2011 at 8:54 PM UTC
The flavor of lemons is bitter -
That’s why I don’t need the mints;
I locked away your blue sweater
With the lint still on the pillow.
I looked into the sea and saw the stars
Saltier than the tears and the lemon ****
We shared in the tearoom on that last Sunday –
There is a dry blue rose in the closet all pressed and crumbling.
Blind agony stumbles in frustration; your presents are my poison -
Now the porcelain needs dusting, the Valentines are jumbling.
May 8, 2012
May 8, 2012 at 2:32 PM UTC
The feathery touch
Of your skin
Is so sincere and warm
My blood starts throbbing beneath.
The bond between
Our hearts
Is strongly entwined
Obtaining a new truth.
Your breath,
Your touch,
Your gaze,
All drive me sanely mad
I no longer choke
On my own loneliness
Because you are my new clarity,
Igniting a flame in my soul,
Jumbling the insides
Of my stomach
In some chaste way.
I'm naive to your potency,
The fool...
Letting your love
Stain my heart
With no regrets.
Jan 9, 2016
Jan 9, 2016 at 10:19 PM UTC
From body to box,
Sunday brought back the reminder that death,
is the only thing permanent in this world.
Tears burning a hole in my heart, thinking back of days
in which I was dying to die,
and what for?
I have yet to figure out why we
live, or what I'm supposed to
do. The complication of that thought
processing through my anxious mind
drives monsters in my stomach
and brain
to start tearing their ways out.
Leaving each new finger print
a face to forget, and each new sent
one to remember.
I'm confused,
as to why we bury what we love under
dirt, but really
why the box?
Why not let our remains be the sprout
to courageous wildflowers and
sweet nectar.
The past four years have brought change in
everyone, and everything loved. Battling with myself
for rights and wrongs and unknown
crumbling pavement.
Haunted with "Where will I go when I die?"
Who's to say when I'm dead, because by my definition
that was April 18th.
These questions
and jumbling
blurred
thoughts
pour out of my eyes, mouth, nose, and ears
Imitating some sort of overflowing volcano
of insanity.
Nov 12, 2013
Nov 12, 2013 at 9:23 AM UTC
There is no easy way out.
Finding solace in cigarettes,
malice in each intent.
When we kiss and flash,
I taste snow and ash-
slippery, salty blood lust.
4 a.m galaxies and gold speckled chains.
The thud in your lungs and the flood in my veins.
Adjusting my pace simply to make space
for the passing of strangers I'll quickly erase.
From my celestial mind and my unaligned spine.
While these battered boots pitter patter
atop the gum splattered streets,
Where I silently succumb to an alarming defeat.
You,
jumbling and juggling my thoughts-
they cling like sweaty icicles in the their last dying breath.
You, me, we.
Naked on a patch of empty mattress
Everything too symbolic to possibly process
Standing solitary in unison
beneath the draining translucent sink above
a degree too warm, my skin blushing on accident-
insides tangled and squirming
when that warm wet hand wrapped itself so delicately
around an unremembered segment of skin .
a stray fingertip racing up my thigh,
my throat clasping at the shudder
as i glance into those boring brown eyes
"I don't **** people I respect."
But this was a truth that was too soon broken,
I was disguised, misguided and easily cloaked when
the eyes I knew from a childish fluke
swept me
into a bed of nails that i thought
would protect me
you, me, we-
behind a rubber duck shower curtain
in the spotlight of the stage
where the x's had been taped
i was made certain a foolish damsel in distress
to each falsified caress.
but in those last fleeting moments
where the memory's page
starts to curl and break
you reached your arms out to me
and like damp sheets in the breeze of my body
we take our final plunge for all to see
and we lower to our knees
to scrub the smudges in between.
Nov 17, 2011
Nov 17, 2011 at 10:03 AM UTC
in the doorway
the floorspace between
your feet and my
jumbling path
i've become deaf to
whatever ways of love i used to know
in all the terrain that surrounds me
the only way is up
up towards your eyes
up towards the stars
i'm lost in the electricity
of each clever sound sliding from your
lips i can't quit
wrapped in your arms i become
mesmerized by your heartbeat
your chest is my pillow
your skin is my lullaby
you are the peace
that sings away my anxiety
your soft shoulders hold
a freckled galaxy
i love to find constellations
as you slowly breathe
i love to kiss each speck of soft pigment
and press my cheek against
all my favorite parts of you
i'm smitten with your skin
and up towards
your smiling moonlight eyes
i love to catch you watching me
i love to watch you loving me
Jul 25, 2013
Jul 25, 2013 at 1:58 PM UTC
Grade school:
Doing anything to become popular.
Hurting those I would later find out were my true friends.
Uttering words that would
Cut deeper than any blade could.
Depression:
Something I now claim was just a phase.
(What a farce)
High school:
Struggling,
To give a ****
To find new friends,
To keep the old.
Struggling,
To hold onto those I loved,
Watching them slip through my fingers.
Depression:
No one knew.
My mask?
Perfected.
Social anxiety:
My mask starts to crack.
The crazy starts to show.
My friends,
They start to leave.
College:
Finally, I am myself.
New job.
New friends.
Understanding.
Life is good.
Forgetting:
The obsessions,
The anxiety,
The depression.
You:
Slowly deteriorating.
Obsessions,
Creeping back.
What are you doing?
Are you with her?
Did you even care for me?
Yes,
No,
Only for a short while?
How to become better,
To look better,
To think better,
To act better,
To be more talented,
To be more like her,
To be better than her,
To be good enough for you.
You.
The anxiety:
Consuming my mind.
Jumbling it up,
Unable to think,
Or rather to many thoughts to think through.
Depression:
Sinking in.
Ideas of ending it all,
Surfacing,
(Once again.)
Mask starting to form.
And I thought I was getting better.
Jan 9, 2014
Jan 9, 2014 at 12:37 AM UTC
Tell me things I want to hear,
Whisper sweet nothings in my ear.
Voice like velvet, smooth and fine,
Ask me softly "Will you be mine?"
Cradle me close hold on tight,
This is the day its time for flight.
Into the unknown come on lets go,
Jumping down the rabbit hole.
Tumbling, jumbling,oh what fun!
And to think our adventure's only begun.
Come with me and you'll see,
All the possibilities.
Break these chains, come be free,
Away from our old enemies.
Share with me all you are,
Take a chance we'll go far.
Oct 11, 2010
Oct 11, 2010 at 7:20 PM UTC
this composition
(not this one)
but the p r o c e s s
a within discovery
so radicalizing
composing himself
this body, this breadth,
this work, of untangling,
slight light shapes,
enfusing, suffusing,
even parts defusing,
but all a
cold fusion,
of body,
of breadth
some, unguarded, tumbling,
some, guarded, jumbling,
all shockingly emergent,
most shocking
to himself, this
decomposing of
composing,
his body, his breadth,
t his process,
t his work,
t his hymn,
this of him,
body and breadth
Nov 21, 2014
Nov 21, 2014 at 2:38 AM UTC
So it begins,
that song comes on.
It's not attached to any one event,
no breakup or loss.
It's just intrinsically sad.
It doesn't way upon the soul,
or displace the mind.
It causes a sadness,
not like a madness or depression.
It's too clean for that.
I'm not implying that they are *****
or bad.
No, they are just torn and tattered,
much like the old blanket they make you want to bury yourself in,
to hide where daylight will never seep in.
Rather this sadness is crystalline,
a pure movement of emotion.
A product of dark and shimmering beauty,
much akin to tears,
the ones that roll slowly down one's cheek
as the song goes on.
This sound,
this jumbling of frequencies,
an phonemes.
Words that mean so little upon listening,
but so much upon LISTENING,
and melodies played upon a machine.
This song about choices,
about struggling, about strength.
This perfect sound,
this glimmering song,
is life.
Jun 23, 2013
Jun 23, 2013 at 10:20 PM UTC
i cannot
and will not
sit here and speak to you
in metaphors and similes
like he did to me
because i know that you will not even come close to understanding
but neither am i gonna sit here
and zip up my mouth and lock it up
just to throw away the key and keep quiet.
but again,
i also cannot
and will not
speak to you in simplicity because
it is NOWHERE near that simple.
i am speaking nonsense
and you probably think that i'm just
jumbling letters together to create words
and having them just roll off of my tongue
but i swear to you that i'm not
i'm trying to make sense
i swear
but my thoughts aren't quite coming together
so maybe i'll just talk until they do
this is quite ironic actually
because i may be rambling,
but my feet are really, really cold.
Apr 2, 2014
Apr 2, 2014 at 7:10 PM UTC
an electric pulse
a scattered bomb
an itching, aching alarm
lost in the reverie
a music-less melody
fumbling, jumbling
a messy rumbling
god-given grace and appeal
fortune & fame, i must steal
solemnly endowed
no way to figure out
hidden, her secret must never come out
Dec 5, 2012
Dec 5, 2012 at 5:23 PM UTC
Your'e going to have to try harder than that,
way harder.
The words you say just
go right through.
I've heard them a million times before,
and how could I not?
With all the guys I've been with
it's hard to remember who's-who.
Was it John or Drew
that gave the bear for Valentine's Day
or was that at the fair or zoo?
But anyways, it doesn't matter now.
It's you and me,
right now,
in my room
and even though you're a different guy,
there's nothing new.
I mean, I wish this time could be special,
but it's not.
I don't feel like it is,
and I don't have a girlfriend
to call and share my thoughts.
Well, maybe I should just give up on this
because I'm staring you down
and you're probably wondering
what my thoughts are
jumbling around.
I'll just say nothing-again.
Any you'll say "okay",
and I'll hope to God I'll be just that the next day,
because I want you to try harder,
I'll try harder to-
But I have to start with me,
not you.
Jul 13, 2012
Jul 13, 2012 at 4:23 PM UTC
My body pushed you down
as our weight carried
by gravity like a leaf
falling and swinging,
gentle, slowly, we dance
with my existence all over
you like a balloon filled
with air, and you pulled me,
into you, down your throat,
until little doubts, our escape,
choked you, as you removed
the sheets of innocence
around your lace, from your arms,
down to your pants
opened the zipper, you’ve let me
in, into you, deeper, then out,
same pattern, same routine,
growing music, little moans
like birds humming at night
with coldness covering warmth,
bodies burning, igniting time,
we held hands, jerking, jumbling,
our fingers played, lips stir,
no more butterflies in stomach,
but stones swallowed settling,
and there was you, and I,
dreams we have created,
evaporating with sweat,
oozing with fluids, swelling,
spilling all over the bed
like tiny dews from cold glasses,
we were both cold, like ice,
but we melt, touch by touch,
over and over again.
May 19, 2014
May 19, 2014 at 4:19 AM UTC
I am the jumbling
the mumbling man
escaping gas of thoughts that pass into the night.
I burn the midnight sun that oils the gatling gun that chats incessantly and I believe that this is me.
I am conquistador
Quixote wanting more
I am the situation needing close examination somewhat of an exclamation mark
I am the dark.
Dec 27, 2013
Dec 27, 2013 at 11:46 PM UTC
Can you tell me what are colors
When all is dark as far as I can see?
Can you describe to me what are feelings
When every day and minute
Pass as cullers of my emotions
Leaving only their mark
All the shades of confusion
Amidst the searing pain?
Just because you can’t see scars
Doesn’t mean
I’m not all cut up inside,
Tearing at my insides
To get out of myself
Because the world
Is not just black and white
But all kinds of hues
Of malign and sinister,
Jumbling my thoughts
About what is or isn’t,
Blurring fact and fiction
In everything I learn,
And if I can’t find clarity
In the HD of reality,
And you can’t ever
For me construe or define
All that lacks definition and meaning,
This flowering happyguuurl
Will never fully unfurl…
APAD13 005 - © okpoet
Jan 5, 2013
Jan 5, 2013 at 10:18 AM UTC