I can't....

Can't help these feeling

consuming me as

you assume about me,

presume to understand.

Listen sweetie -


I never had a choice

I wasn't right in my thinking.

In my reasonings left us both with

unrequested guilt.

Unanswered questions , doubted,  

misguided-  non-understanding,

abandoned-  my un- abandoned disgust,

regretfully  mistaken stolen moments,

regret  deeply for not being there,

being  not there even now....


Left a ache inside

for so long-  I still cry,

I cry for myself  too though.

It hurts to loose so much

to have nothing but questions,

doubt

wondering

wonderful  bliss,  mind erased...

blissfully  -

no more thinking,

shaking crying,

blissful aint blessed when I had to forget.

don't speak or talk.. keep it in

deep inside

no one

tell no one.....

I was trapped,

taken,

thrown,


beaten & shaking.....

In my mind....

In my head- i felt no pain...

Lied to myself...  lied about you.... about me....  about "it"......  about US.

******,

*******!!!

Lying to me,  lying to you,

lying   lying    lying  

so much lying....

lying,  drowning,  dying,  lying,   crying,  lying.......

PLEASE!!!!


how can they have lied- liars lying as i laid dreaming....

demons, screaming.....

I cried, screamed, dreamed & longed for this day

Fought & still fight for this day

A day where you'd know!

Where you unsheathe that sword-

Placed-  deep in my heart, deep into my soul...

Did you know?  

Did they tell you-

who I was?  

Couldn't you of guessed?


Your eyes- my eyes


Your hand's - my hands


Your smile - my smile


Your laugh - its me!!!


I'm you

Your blood

My blood.

Didn't you notice  

didn't you see


all me in you?


I knew from the moment your face
looked deep into my face


your shape

my shape

my mirror

your mirror.

Twin yet not  - -  

Mother╰♥•♥╮ Daughter

finally:

One -  Whole

and

Together !


I Always Loved & Love You!

Dear child of mine  -

╰♥•♥╮JANNELL  ╰♥•♥╮

Always Me Ayeshah

**** **** real its crazy how you grow up so fast and all you really have is a memory of your past so you say to yourself is this real is this how i'm suppose to feel and you think of all the **** that you been through the good and the bad and you say wow what a life i had i came from  nothing and i went to something ive cried tears of joy and tears of pain ive suffered and ive conquered and ive feared, feared the worst feared the best feared life feared death feared nothing feared something and im still in fear seventeen years and i feel i know a little to much growing up in the world was and still is hard but i know that im still going to continue to make it im still going to continue to try i can't give up after all the **** ive been through im going to show every one that told me i couldnt make it i can im going to prove all my enimes wrong i also know in order to keep succeeding in this life that i have to pray have faith and paitcence bt in order to do that first i have to believe in me
                                                 LOVE JANNELL