Dear lover
By the time we fall in love i would hope that you will have already learned my name, but just in case you havent i will tell you. My name is danielle lauren shorr. danielle like some ancestor i never met, lauren because my mom liked it, and shorr like the beach. I like the beach. No more like love the beach. Maybe almost as much as i will love you. I like the sand between my toes, the way the wind blows through my hair and makes it an ugly mess, i like the way pigeons search for any trace of food like its all one man for himself and this is the hunger games. I like food. But at first i might be embarrased to eat in front of you, i can attribute this to my history of insecurity and that ******* belief that girls are supposed to order salads on dates. But fear not. Because i hate spinach and fries with extra cheese are my favorite, and soon enough i will learn to embrace it. I will always want to embrace you. To hold you, to be close to you, i have an overwhelming need for touch. But a slight fear of intimacy. I will be afraid at first when you try to get close to me, i will put up my guard and attempt to hide my battle scars and everything i dont want you to know about me yet, ive been hurt before. And i know im not the only one on this earth who has been. But when i tell you that i want to get to know you i am telling you that i want to memorize every part of you like the way i used to stay up at night as a kid memorizing lines of books. I love to read. I love getting lost in the words that someone else wrote that so closely manage to speak to me. I want you to speak to me. When you are struggling or lacking in anyway i will assure you with 100% certainty that things will be okay. I will pull you out of pits of depression with every muscle, bone and limb i have in my body, i have not always been comfortable in my own body. And thats been a cause of my own depression. So when the day comes when i give myself to you, i am hoping that you will remember that every part of me is devoting itself to learning you, i want to learn you. I want to trace the lines of your skin, connect the dots with your freckles or birthmarks, play silly little games and hope you let me win, i will let you in. But only if you let me. And theres parts of me that arent my brightest, i will have days where i will be unable to see anything but darkness, i want you to hold me regardless of what i say, or my stubborness, i am stubborn. I am a taurus. When we fight i will be a bull, strong in my pride and unable to see any other side of the argument, i will tell you this right now: give up. unless its important. I want to feel important. I will want to be included in every part of your existence and when I’m not i will get annoyed and ******* and demand to be the center of your universe. I will act like this because i want to feel like i matter. Like i am matter on this earth so important that if i disappeared even for a mere second the earth would crumble and fall into pieces. And if i crumble and fall to pieces, i only ask one thing of you. Do your best to help me back up, im not asking you to put me back together but to try your best to keep me from breaking even more. And when you break, know that i will be here to comfortyou. To hold you. To tell you that i love you. to make you laugh at the most innapropriate moments about the most innapropriate things, to make life seem a little less painful, and a little more bearable. I will do my best to help you stay your best. And if we end up not working, it will be okay. Because nothing will matter more than the love i gave to you when it was good and if in the end it doesnt go the way we thought it would, well, we'll be okay. But if it does. If this love stays, know that i will love you and give you every single day i have, i will make you remember why you decided to fall in love in the first place, i will make sure to make you feel okay, i will always make sure you're okay. if you're having a bad day, I'll be right there with you. I'll be here now and forever.
Sincerely your future lover.

When I was twelve years old 
(Twelve, for crying out loud!)
A woman messaged me, informing me of a modeling deal that I could be a part of. 
She had me call her on Skype and pose in my underwear in front of the camera.
I was going to be a bikini model.
The woman's screen was black. 
She told me to do innapropriate things to my body.
"I am just checking out your potential." 
So I did them, because this girl thought I was good enough to be a model.
And when I was twelve Years old, nobody thought I was good enough for anything, myself included.
Only after the call ended did I realize that there was no modeling deal,
And that it wasn't a ******* the other end.

When I was thirteen years old, 
A boy messaged me and showed me the type of attention I never recieved.
He called me beautiful and sweet and asked to see my face. 
The boy called me over video chat and began to touch himself in innapropriate ways in front of me. 
I didn't like it.
I shut my eyes and listened to music and lyrics in my head.
Half an hour was wasted of him telling me to lift up my shirt and me shaking my head no. 
I finally did it, and then I shut off the camera,
Because I did not want this boy to tell me I am beautiful or that he enjoys my breast shapes.
I just wanted to be left alone.

When I was fourteen, I got tired of being so alone. 
Another guy messaged me and asked if we could be friends...
I really wanted a friend.
He asked if we could hang out as friends.
So he picked me up and we went to the mall and shopped around like friends,
And when he told me to get in the dressing room with him,
I thought it kind of strange but i did so anyways.
Maybe this is what friends do! 
But my "friend" began to touch me and kiss me like no one ever had before,
And I did not like it,
And I told him no,
But he did it anyways,
And I suddenly did not like this friendship, anymore. 

To get that rotten taste out of my mouth,
I kissed a new guy
And this guy kissed me way too fast and too much 
But I told myself that I wanted to kiss him so that it wouldnt feel as bad. 
And when he took off my clothes and told me to touch him in places that I hadn't touched anyone before,
I told myself that I wanted to, so I wouldn't feel as bad. 
I told myself that I was overreacting when he kissed me rough and I cried into his mouth.
I told myself that I loved him when he threw me onto the floor when I finally said no. 
I told myself the only way for him to love me back would be to do what he says with no questions asked. 

When I was fifteen, in order to stop myself from slicing my skin into bits or binge eating at one in the morning,
I snuck out my bedroom window and met up with a twenty-something man 
Who told me we were going to go see a movie.
The movie turned out to be seen in his bedroom and we didn't watch very much of it. 
I snuck back in through my window hours later
With bruises and marks covering my neck,
And no matter how much I brushed my teeth,
I could still taste his lips on me. 

The safest thing I have learned in life,
Is that guys go after vulnerable girls,
And I guess I am one of them.

To all the teachers who have let me down, to the teachers who made me feel isolated and alone for all the teachers who made me lose faith in the education system and caused me to believe that my strengths werent nearly as large as my weaknesses, to the teachers who have made me feel like my only purpose for living was to get good grades. I want you to know how you made me feel.
To the health teacher sophomore year who during the ****** education unit ignored my inquiries about safe *** in same *** relationships and then proceeded to tell me that my questions were innapropriate and that i was too young to be asking that, i want you to know that hearing that was a slap in the face to me. Hearing that sent 16 year old me so far back into the closet that i couldnt see any ounce light. I could not see a reason to be hopeful because you deemed my sexuality as wrong and made me feel like i was alone, i want you to know that it took me 2 years after that to understand that my feelings were not something to be ashamed of and it took me a week and google to find the responses to the questions you refused to answer.
To the chemistry teacher who told my counselor that i am a ******* addicted drug user and never even had the nerve to ask me why my hands shake, i want you to know that i have a disorder called essential tremor and my shaking is something that took me years to embrace. I want you to know that your assumptions stole the years of confidence i had built up in the acceptance of my disability and made me feel targeted and insignificant, if only you had simply just asked me then you would have saved me the loss. To the same teacher who made me sit out in the hall for the whole hour long class period because i talked while you were talking, i want you to know how ****** that feels. To any teacher who sends students in the halls, know that there is nothing worse than isolation and that making your students sit out in the hallway wont do anything but make them feel the pangs of loneliness and embarrasment.
To the spanish teacher with the bad temper who always took the time to complain and point out my mistakes, i want you to know that it never helped me learn anything and for someone who preaches tolerance amd respect i think its ironic that you made students feel so bad to the point where theyd leave your class crying. I want you to know that i tried my hardest to get your approval and never got it at all. But even though there have been those who have let me down, there have also been those who have brought me up. There have been those who have pulled me out of the deepest of slumps and showed me how to be brave.
To the math teacher who was more like a mother to me, a really cool one at that, who had awesome taste in music and understood that intelligence is not defined by grades, i want you to know that even though i hated math, walking into your class always made my day a little bit better. I want to thank you for understanding me and teaching me to try even when my attitude was ****. Im lucky to have met you because if i hadnt, i wouldnt have so much motivation.
To the theatre teacher who i met before highschool even started, i want you to know that you are the person who guided me to where i am today. And even when i cant find the words to say how i feel, you always know how to lead me to them. You were like a father to me when my own father was sick and for that i will always be appreciative.
To the theatre teacher who i can say without a doubt saved my life, who brought my out of the darkness and helped me see light, who understood all of the issues going on in my life, i owe my life to you. Meeting you was something that i am forever grateful for. You always know how to make me feel better and less alone and when i feel like im falling down you always help pick me back up. You're the only teacher who can see when im not okay and the only one who i can share with why im feeling that way, you're the only teacher that still manages to inspire me everyday and make me laugh at the same time. Thank you can't even begin to explain how much you have changed my life.
Ive learned that teachers have a bigger impact on kids than we think, they can affect them so much even in even the little things, ive learned that the things that teachers do can either inspire or haunt you for the rest of your life and its important that teachers understand that school is not the only thing in a students life, its important to understand that in just a day a teacher could either save someone or break someone. Empathy is the most important key that a teacher should hold because if you can make someone feel less alone, then youre doing it right.

there are just some things
you don't forget.

the time you get stitches on your chin when
you are four and the amount is double that
a result of your careless brother sitting your back and
your face meeting the ground with too much force
you aren't afraid though
you lay quiet as a doctor sews you back to one piece
this is bravery at its finest

the boy with the angry voice and heavy hands
teaches you to cower

the first panic attack with the salted swelling of your breath, the invisible hands wringing your neck into a knot you cannot untie,
the drenched palms and the pinching of your skin to bring you back down to earth
you think you are dying,
you aren't
you wonder if this will happen again,
it will

the dark of your uncle's funeral
your family's tears compiling next to the plate of poppyseed bagels that nobody eats
there is a silence that everybody seems to avoid and the sound of your unexplainable innapropriate laughter accompanying grief

your first kiss in someone's back bedroom and your body turning on vibrate mode
ringing with excitement, a smile numb from it's inability to escape

making out on the top of the movie theatre stairs at the mall on Fridays

the time you sneak out to meet up with older boys, the thrill coming from the risk
you trade tongues at 1 am and make it back in bed before mom and dad notice

the blacked out memory of your first time, in between his cartoon printed childhood sheets
you are fifteen and the **** and alcohol in your system make it harder to remember clearly
it is less of an event and more just a blurry moment

the nights with cough medicine and a handful of crushed pills up your nose and how it easily could have been too much

the halloween party with the dimmed lights and the red cups
the hammock in the back and the black basement couch and
her wrists the week after everyone found out what had happened on it
the word **** tied on to the back of her jeans for the rest of high school along with her self-destruction

the kid who threw himself in front of the train we all took to get to the city

the quiet in the school hallways the week after the drive-by

swallowing the word cancer and feeling every wall of your stomach turn ash

watching your father lose his hair like little pieces of the future

cursing out your chemistry teacher 6th period and being sent to the principals office
then loudly cracking your knuckles during saturday detention

eating ice cream in Haley's bed after finding out he cheated on her
telling her it will be okay and believing it

laying in bed for three days straight and ignoring any words of reassurance
depression settling comfortably inside your bone marrow

the comfort in his eyes and a sense of understanding nobody else had

your purple bedroom walls and
your purple bedding and
your purple curtains and
the pile of innocence disguised as stuffed animals sitting in
the corner of your room

every book you've ever loved

every song that's made your heart lunge

every human you ever thought of as you were falling asleep

every night you spent awake counting

every day you wasted spent waiting

every time you thought you wouldn't make it

every time you did.

I long for touch
Not by means of sexuality
Not innapropriate deviance
I long to hold your hand
Rest my head on your shoulder
Is that strange of me to say, best friend?
I love you so much, as in means of friendship
I'm in friend love with you.
Can i sit close to you?
You can put your arm around me
We can snuggle
You can run your fingers through my hair.
But society sees a ****
That is not what i am
I enjoy human company
Especially the company of my best friends
So i will hold your hand
And fall asleep on your shoulder
Because i love you friend
I long for touch.

I will try
So ***-
So very hard,
To be reserved.
At least
More so.
Because the ****-
The things I say can be quite innapropriate,
And highly unbecoming
Of a young woman to say.

So sick of being told whats right.
David do this David hold tight,
Patience is an apparent Virtue,
One that has severly missed its cue.

My lust is innapropriate,
Offensive to voice or dream.
My lips are somehow sordid,
Cursed detested and unclean.

Just give me one minute where disdain is not allowed,
Where my life is not abysmal,
Where my love is always allowed.
Where I can be me complete and proud.

Everyday I grow older,
Waiting for it to be safe.
Pleading for my affection to be of public taste.
Frankly so far too many years have gone to waste.

“You deserve this.”
A statement that crosses my mind not commonly
But always occurs at the most innapropriate of times
How is it that I don’t owe you anything, and yet you owe me so much?
Certainly since I’ve given so much in the past, I may call in my debts now
Is that not how these things work?
I know the answer.
So why is it so hard to say
“You do not deserve this.”

Planet is just Plane with a T....

And they say the best way to hide a secret is to hide it in plain site..
Yeah right... Next your gonna be telling me Disney is trying hypersexualize our kids by flashing them innapropriate images on the screen..
Oh wait. Here's mickey mouse putting his **** in the cheese to create the holes for swiss cheese.. copy and paste 👇 disney=😈👎

https://www.bitchute.com/video/T5zFJLaYKOpU/

greg comes down. he stills lives with his mother at 52,
and is perpetually clutching a coors banquet in his left hand, and his pinky is contorted in a grotesque fashion. his eyes are black without expression, and everything he says is sincere, but laughs at innapropriate times.
He helps us dig the ditch for the bones of the dog in the backyard,
it died when it was attacked by the Great Dane which was subsequently euthanized. He had the idea to put the carcass in a trash bag and now it stunk and the body was a frothing mess of decay.
We laid the bag in as he ****** on his coors banquet.
"GOD REST ITS SOUL"
he said.
we said a prayer; it seemed appropriate. and after the dog was buried, he got in his car, totally drunk and drove back to his mamas.
The stereo blasted Pink Floyd "Wish you were here" on vinyl, and it happened to be 2am. Someone puked on the floor and I promptly went to bed whilst someone ****** in the kitchen. I don't know how I got there, but I was spoonfed yogurt in the night while some random girl ****** me off. good dreams, and hot nights. my shoes sat in the corner staring at the sin. & I made sure to say goodnight     in the morning
as I drove off to Los alisos on the corner of Jeronimo and El toro