"incontinence" poems - Hello Poetry

*This is one of the racier "Memories" poems by the great Barry Hodges, my alter ego. It might well make you come involuntarily in your ****** How happy was I once with the wind in my hair Wandering o'er the dales with joyousness unmeasur'd, In the sweet long passed innocent days of platonic love When stolen gropes and kiss were to be treasured. But all good and true things come to a sad close And my poor first love lies in her grave so sorrowfully Having been crushed to death by a runaway steamroller Before I managed to go all the way quite thoroughly. What a waste of delightful teenage flesh was that Yet perhaps I had a narrow escape from the derangement Which might have been mine had our trysting Led to a semi-permanent matrimonial arrangement. For I recall one afternoon in the old ABC cinema In the delighful Yorkshire spa town of Harrogate, Sitting next to my gorgeous love in the back row, Exploring her not so very private parts on a hot date. How I cursed the management's niggardly folly In not showing a film with hot romantic blood But saving pathetic pennies by putting on Daffy ******** Duck and Elmer ******* Fudd. But yet I perserved with my digital explorations Unaware that the throbs my fingers felt were no dream But darling Elsie laughing like a proverbial drain At Daffy's hilarious anatine adventures on-screen. 'Twas then I began to wonder about the viscous liquid I had hitherto imagined was Elsie's lovejuice flowing *(dear, dear reader, cease your perusal of my tale forthwith if you are of a nervous disposition or prone to food up-throwing)*. It was only a careful examination of my sopping knuckles In the dimly lit gents after old Daffy's film was done and dusted Which revealed that my dearly beloved had leaked Big time out of both ends, leaving my fingers well encrusted. O to think that, but for Daffy, I might have been lumbered With a different kind of bird for whom double incontinence Was a way of life (thus, the fatal steamroller she encountered The very next day was a blessing from kindly Providence).

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Aug 16, 2015

Aug 16, 2015 at 5:07 PM UTC

edna-sweetlove

Memories of Harrogate and the Yorkshire Dales

*This is one of the racier "Memories" poems by the great Barry Hodges, my alter ego. It might well make you come involuntarily in your ****** How happy was I once with the wind in my hair Wandering o'er the dales with joyousness unmeasur'd, In the sweet long passed innocent days of platonic love When stolen gropes and kiss were to be treasured. But all good and true things come to a sad close And my poor first love lies in her grave so sorrowfully Having been crushed to death by a runaway steamroller Before I managed to go all the way quite thoroughly. What a waste of delightful teenage flesh was that Yet perhaps I had a narrow escape from the derangement Which might have been mine had our trysting Led to a semi-permanent matrimonial arrangement. For I recall one afternoon in the old ABC cinema In the delighful Yorkshire spa town of Harrogate, Sitting next to my gorgeous love in the back row, Exploring her not so very private parts on a hot date. How I cursed the management's niggardly folly In not showing a film with hot romantic blood But saving pathetic pennies by putting on Daffy ******** Duck and Elmer ******* Fudd. But yet I perserved with my digital explorations Unaware that the throbs my fingers felt were no dream But darling Elsie laughing like a proverbial drain At Daffy's hilarious anatine adventures on-screen. 'Twas then I began to wonder about the viscous liquid I had hitherto imagined was Elsie's lovejuice flowing *(dear, dear reader, cease your perusal of my tale forthwith if you are of a nervous disposition or prone to food up-throwing)*. It was only a careful examination of my sopping knuckles In the dimly lit gents after old Daffy's film was done and dusted Which revealed that my dearly beloved had leaked Big time out of both ends, leaving my fingers well encrusted. O to think that, but for Daffy, I might have been lumbered With a different kind of bird for whom double incontinence Was a way of life (thus, the fatal steamroller she encountered The very next day was a blessing from kindly Providence).