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"inability" poems
My hands have betrayed me. Once the means to write pages, Now my hands are only dead weight. My hands won't pick up a pen. Or even type short, Choppy sentences. They dangle at my sides And find refuge in my hair, Leaving me bleeding. Like my hands, My mouth has declared itself My enemy. Once the passageway for words To explain myself, My mouth is now as useful as a broken bridge. With nothing of value to say, It talks And sings anyway. It opens without my permission But stays closed whenever I try To scream meaning. The inability to illustrate Or translate my mind And my soul Is not an unfamiliar ordeal. But it's lonely on the outside And frustrating looking in. It seems I'll always feel like an alien.
0
Jun 6, 2016
Jun 6, 2016 at 3:38 AM UTC
Communication Disconnection
"the inability to to construct a future."
0
May 27, 2019
May 27, 2019 at 12:48 PM UTC
Depression
It's a darkness that surrounds you. It covers your eyes, And swims in your ears. To keep you from seeing light, Or hearing laughter. Instead you see everything In a dull and dark way. Colors are no longer vibrant, And lines seem to be blurred. There is no more beauty in a sunset, Or majesty in the ocean. It's just water now. And every sound is muffled now. You can't differentiate your favorite song From any other anymore. The sound of laughter is more bitter than sweet. Every song is the same bleak humm. And laughter just makes me wish I was deaf. The darkness even dulls touch. A kiss doesn't make your heart beat fast anymore. And contact seems nauseating. A kiss is just a reminder That nothing good lasts. And most other interaction makes my skin crawl. But now the darkness is in your brain. In here, sometimes it's not dull at all. Sometimes the darkness Takes the shape of a monster. A monster that whispers terrible things And just gets louder when you try not to listen. Sometimes the darkness Feels like war inside your mind. But yes, again, the darkness is dull. Sometimes there is no monster, No war, And no yelling at all. Sometimes when the darkness gets in your mind, It becomes a silence. I can't make out a clear thought, Because all there is Is silence. The darkness takes the shape Of death. The silence, the nothingness of death. And it becomes part of you, Making your mind nothing but silence And nothingness. But the worst part about the darkness Is my inability to communicate its existence. I can't make anyone understand The many shapes it can take. How it can be torturous and loud But comfortable just the same. It's easy to talk about the monster, Because it's something foreign and Something present. But everything else, The dullness of senses And the silence it becomes, Can't be expressed. Because in these forms, The darkness is absence of life. It's absence of color, Sound, Touch, And thought. And it's so hard to paint a picture Of something that isn't even there. I can paint a picture of a monster With ****** teeth and devilish eyes. But I cannot paint the nothingness The darkness so often is. And to me, nothingness is the most dangerous. I can fight a monster. But I cannot fight nothing. Nothingness will swallow you. It will take over your senses And thoughts, And eventually will to live. Life is colorful. Life should be loud. Life should be funny. And sometimes painful. But when the silence, The nothingness arrives, There is no color. There is no sound. No laughter. Or even pain. There is no life at all.
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Nov 18, 2015
Nov 18, 2015 at 3:45 AM UTC
Hello darkness my old friend
It's a darkness that surrounds you. It covers your eyes, And swims in your ears. To keep you from seeing light, Or hearing laughter. Instead you see everything In a dull and dark way. Colors are no longer vibrant, And lines seem to be blurred. There is no more beauty in a sunset, Or majesty in the ocean. It's just water now. And every sound is muffled now. You can't differentiate your favorite song From any other anymore. The sound of laughter is more bitter than sweet. Every song is the same bleak humm. And laughter just makes me wish I was deaf. The darkness even dulls touch. A kiss doesn't make your heart beat fast anymore. And contact seems nauseating. A kiss is just a reminder That nothing good lasts. And most other interaction makes my skin crawl. But now the darkness is in your brain. In here, sometimes it's not dull at all. Sometimes the darkness Takes the shape of a monster. A monster that whispers terrible things And just gets louder when you try not to listen. Sometimes the darkness Feels like war inside your mind. But yes, again, the darkness is dull. Sometimes there is no monster, No war, And no yelling at all. Sometimes when the darkness gets in your mind, It becomes a silence. I can't make out a clear thought, Because all there is Is silence. The darkness takes the shape Of death. The silence, the nothingness of death. And it becomes part of you, Making your mind nothing but silence And nothingness. But the worst part about the darkness Is my inability to communicate its existence. I can't make anyone understand The many shapes it can take. How it can be torturous and loud But comfortable just the same. It's easy to talk about the monster, Because it's something foreign and Something present. But everything else, The dullness of senses And the silence it becomes, Can't be expressed. Because in these forms, The darkness is absence of life. It's absence of color, Sound, Touch, And thought. And it's so hard to paint a picture Of something that isn't even there. I can paint a picture of a monster With ****** teeth and devilish eyes. But I cannot paint the nothingness The darkness so often is. And to me, nothingness is the most dangerous. I can fight a monster. But I cannot fight nothing. Nothingness will swallow you. It will take over your senses And thoughts, And eventually will to live. Life is colorful. Life should be loud. Life should be funny. And sometimes painful. But when the silence, The nothingness arrives, There is no color. There is no sound. No laughter. Or even pain. There is no life at all.
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90
*Don't allow yourself to feel "dumb" or "stupid" based on your inability to achieve something you care little about. -Joseph B Schneider*
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Oct 30, 2014
Oct 30, 2014 at 2:44 AM UTC
Quote #4
No.1 I have a fear of heights and I'm okay with that because I fall for you every day which keeps me close enough to the ground that I feel safe. No.2 The dark. I do not like the inability to see, imagine being trapped in a space with no light, nothing to reach for but just a void of emptiness. You cannot find a place much darker than a blackened, hallowed heart. There are no signs of life, with no trace of light. Yet you still managed to find your way around it, walking aimlessly as if you knew where to go. I was afraid of the darkness within, until you lit a flame inside Of me, trying to send a signal fire to my sanity. No.3 spiders, nothing poetic I just think they are creepy. Eight legs of hell and they have no need on my life! No.4 I imagine being on an island stranded alone knowing no-one could find me, while I sit there huddle next to a tree with no reason to move forward. I feel a warm touch press on my shoulder. I open my eyes, everything seems different the white scattered sand is now my bed. waves which held me back from moving forward, now my blanket which seems to feel heavier than a tsunami of depression and deep thoughts. I lay there stuck being buried by the sand and drown by waves. Being held down by my past and worries of my future. two hands lifted all the weight off me, I looked up and there she was, she grabbed me by the... No.5 my heart is beating faster and faster as I run an endless marathon. My palms get sweaty, it gets harder to breathe as if I was trapped in space with no air tank. I try to push through I will not let myself drop out of this one so early. I have a fear to love, not of love but to love. I want to find it but I'm too afraid of letting myself become vulnerable as if I'm joining a war with no gun just my heart hoping not to get shot down but be accepted with open arms. I have scars and battle wounds from past wars. But for no reason, you lent a hand to patch me up. You showed me not all wars are worth fighting Alone, so we joined hands and walked strong. I am afraid to love, I am not afraid to say I love. I am afraid to say I love anyone who isn't you.
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Oct 19, 2017
Oct 19, 2017 at 10:10 PM UTC
My 5 biggest fears
No.1 I have a fear of heights and I'm okay with that because I fall for you every day which keeps me close enough to the ground that I feel safe. No.2 The dark. I do not like the inability to see, imagine being trapped in a space with no light, nothing to reach for but just a void of emptiness. You cannot find a place much darker than a blackened, hallowed heart. There are no signs of life, with no trace of light. Yet you still managed to find your way around it, walking aimlessly as if you knew where to go. I was afraid of the darkness within, until you lit a flame inside Of me, trying to send a signal fire to my sanity. No.3 spiders, nothing poetic I just think they are creepy. Eight legs of hell and they have no need on my life! No.4 I imagine being on an island stranded alone knowing no-one could find me, while I sit there huddle next to a tree with no reason to move forward. I feel a warm touch press on my shoulder. I open my eyes, everything seems different the white scattered sand is now my bed. waves which held me back from moving forward, now my blanket which seems to feel heavier than a tsunami of depression and deep thoughts. I lay there stuck being buried by the sand and drown by waves. Being held down by my past and worries of my future. two hands lifted all the weight off me, I looked up and there she was, she grabbed me by the... No.5 my heart is beating faster and faster as I run an endless marathon. My palms get sweaty, it gets harder to breathe as if I was trapped in space with no air tank. I try to push through I will not let myself drop out of this one so early. I have a fear to love, not of love but to love. I want to find it but I'm too afraid of letting myself become vulnerable as if I'm joining a war with no gun just my heart hoping not to get shot down but be accepted with open arms. I have scars and battle wounds from past wars. But for no reason, you lent a hand to patch me up. You showed me not all wars are worth fighting Alone, so we joined hands and walked strong. I am afraid to love, I am not afraid to say I love. I am afraid to say I love anyone who isn't you.
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5
Let's hold out hope for the crippled. Hope for the crippled? No thanks, this crip doesn't need your hope. This crip needs you to stop. Stop labeling me. Stop feeling sorry for me. Stop pitying me and my 'poor life' Just ******* stop! No, really, I'm okay. I don't need you. I don't need you or your miracles. Don't tell me God works miracles And to hold out hope Because maybe one day I'll walk Or maybe I'll get to see from both eyes Because God works miracles But you're too busy fixing what isn't broken that you forget If I was truly made in his image this crip doesn't need healed. This crip doesn't need your prayers or miracles. This crip doesn't need your God or your salvation. This crip doesn't need your hope. Poor soul, she's diminished by her disability. Diminished by my disability? The only thing I'm diminished by Is your inability to understand That before anything else I am human. I make mistakes and have flaws. I feel, probably more than most, And sometimes those feelings get in the way. I empathize but I am done sympathizing. You say my wheelchair is a blessing in disguise. Why can't it just be a blessing? A blessing that comes with lots of lessons. Some that I learn the hard way and some that come easy. But this wheelchair doesn't need a reason To teach me (or you) a lesson. Sure, it frustrates me when a wheel breaks or I fall on a broken sidewalk But it teaches me humility and patience. And there's no reason to disguise that this wheelchair is a blessing. So, please take your hope and pity Your guilt and salvation elsewhere Because they're defeating the purpose. They're detracting from the point. I am not diminished by my disability. I am not to be quieted or pitied I am not your reason to feel guilty I am not a burden I am human.
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Dec 16, 2014
Dec 16, 2014 at 1:37 AM UTC
Human
Let's hold out hope for the crippled. Hope for the crippled? No thanks, this crip doesn't need your hope. This crip needs you to stop. Stop labeling me. Stop feeling sorry for me. Stop pitying me and my 'poor life' Just ******* stop! No, really, I'm okay. I don't need you. I don't need you or your miracles. Don't tell me God works miracles And to hold out hope Because maybe one day I'll walk Or maybe I'll get to see from both eyes Because God works miracles But you're too busy fixing what isn't broken that you forget If I was truly made in his image this crip doesn't need healed. This crip doesn't need your prayers or miracles. This crip doesn't need your God or your salvation. This crip doesn't need your hope. Poor soul, she's diminished by her disability. Diminished by my disability? The only thing I'm diminished by Is your inability to understand That before anything else I am human. I make mistakes and have flaws. I feel, probably more than most, And sometimes those feelings get in the way. I empathize but I am done sympathizing. You say my wheelchair is a blessing in disguise. Why can't it just be a blessing? A blessing that comes with lots of lessons. Some that I learn the hard way and some that come easy. But this wheelchair doesn't need a reason To teach me (or you) a lesson. Sure, it frustrates me when a wheel breaks or I fall on a broken sidewalk But it teaches me humility and patience. And there's no reason to disguise that this wheelchair is a blessing. So, please take your hope and pity Your guilt and salvation elsewhere Because they're defeating the purpose. They're detracting from the point. I am not diminished by my disability. I am not to be quieted or pitied I am not your reason to feel guilty I am not a burden I am human.
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46
This little man that I know with money in his sockets and routine in his pockets has self proclaimed that he is a tight *** When I envision a *** such as this, I imagine a bundle -- of securely aggregated, perfectly sharpened number two pencils. The businessman just shy of adulthood and too tired to remember –even the beginning of his of disclosure, denied his struggle to acclimate a multifarious lifestyle, appropriately suggested in the form of a triangle, and a circle, both of which embody polar opposing adaptations of humanistic routine. The two shapes: The circle, denies the break in motion by imposing a constant cycle of diligent compression, there is no room for pause only steady flow and relentless drive. This influence of life impression slows down the heart, body, and soul while speeding up time. This particular commitment accommodates the dry colorless beings that embrace and accept boxed imprisonment. Traditionally, the triangle denotes rhythmic patterns that elevate and drop to a point in which imposes a healthy reflective pause: progression, reflection, balance. As stated, as a provincial approach, a regular triangle flat on its base, peaking at the top represents a healthy, solid life routine. In contrast, the triangle can be flipped upside-down introducing an entirely new dynamic, composed of flat-lined monotony, tapered off to a regressed realm of destruction, regret and disorder. Despite the uniqueness of the standard triangle model to the man in question, it is important to compare the negative reflection, for it applies to the entirety of this investigation. We used to be lovers, he and I. We shared my giant pillow-top that I bought on the black market for a meager two-hundred fifty. -- A mere steal at that rate. We occasionally exchanged ideas, mainly about ethical concerns related to globalization and the environment. I attempted to give him a cooking lesson once, but that failed, indefinitely. The bust was not my doing, but simply, a great disinterest on his part; or better yet an inability of not being better than me at something. Everything has gotten so crowded.
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Jan 18, 2010
Jan 18, 2010 at 1:17 AM UTC
something that happens.
This little man that I know with money in his sockets and routine in his pockets has self proclaimed that he is a tight *** When I envision a *** such as this, I imagine a bundle -- of securely aggregated, perfectly sharpened number two pencils. The businessman just shy of adulthood and too tired to remember –even the beginning of his of disclosure, denied his struggle to acclimate a multifarious lifestyle, appropriately suggested in the form of a triangle, and a circle, both of which embody polar opposing adaptations of humanistic routine. The two shapes: The circle, denies the break in motion by imposing a constant cycle of diligent compression, there is no room for pause only steady flow and relentless drive. This influence of life impression slows down the heart, body, and soul while speeding up time. This particular commitment accommodates the dry colorless beings that embrace and accept boxed imprisonment. Traditionally, the triangle denotes rhythmic patterns that elevate and drop to a point in which imposes a healthy reflective pause: progression, reflection, balance. As stated, as a provincial approach, a regular triangle flat on its base, peaking at the top represents a healthy, solid life routine. In contrast, the triangle can be flipped upside-down introducing an entirely new dynamic, composed of flat-lined monotony, tapered off to a regressed realm of destruction, regret and disorder. Despite the uniqueness of the standard triangle model to the man in question, it is important to compare the negative reflection, for it applies to the entirety of this investigation. We used to be lovers, he and I. We shared my giant pillow-top that I bought on the black market for a meager two-hundred fifty. -- A mere steal at that rate. We occasionally exchanged ideas, mainly about ethical concerns related to globalization and the environment. I attempted to give him a cooking lesson once, but that failed, indefinitely. The bust was not my doing, but simply, a great disinterest on his part; or better yet an inability of not being better than me at something. Everything has gotten so crowded.
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7
The floor is a mess, clothes and papers scattered about. No need to look at the rest, please do not shout. She's lost what mattered most, him, her, them, they. The shine her tousled hair, lost, and gray clouds are her vision okay? So please do not judge her inability to leave bed, or her waist that's shrinking by the day. Please just think about what you just read, and fix her the right way.
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Aug 11, 2014
Aug 11, 2014 at 11:01 PM UTC
Unkept Bedroom
Sleeplessness Brought to you by sparkling espresso in a can I have underestimated you yet again, oh humble coffee bean But back to work Eight tabs open, going back and forth It's nothing short of a miracle if any given task is given more than a minute of attention at a time Muscle spasms, trembling, fascinating Overwhelming urge to mindlessly flex the muscles I don't have Fake machissimo brought about by exhauation? Or the exhileration of having to complete 8 projects in a day While simultaneously trying to grasp a breaking down of my mind which hasn't happened since...forever Hmm These are the prime conditions to breed a taxing marathon of productivity Or a chain of costly impulsive decisions to perpetuate procrastination. Signs that someone is going crazy range from ****** to inability to stick to a single topic to excessive use of run on sentences "How meta, acknowledging your insanity deconstructs the very notion of it if you normalize it within yourself and just look as everyone else as crazy! Ha.ha." That made no sense, i don't think. I like using big words to make myself sound smart you can make anyone believe anything if you use big words also it scares those Hippopotomonstroesquipedaliophobixlcs Grumble grumble Good night/morning/whatever
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Feb 21, 2013
Feb 21, 2013 at 11:55 PM UTC
Sleeplessness
I wake up and eat some eggs, a yogurt, and a few slices of melon in an attempt to change my life after all it is that or death I won't hold my breath It's a beautiful day to head to the mall with a friend I really know where this is going Hmm I like that shirt Oops, this store doesn't offer plus size On to the next.. I really like these jeans.. Forty five dollars for sizes sixteen and up What a mess! Since I refuse to let Lane Bryant **** my wallet in the *** I decide to head to Barnes and Noble instead I accidentally bumped into a lady and her baby stroller as I walked past and she mumbled "Fat ***** under her breath Yes that's what she said I didn't even turn my head Because that's what the lady said and that's what society says and instead of trying to explain it's just easier to walk away it's the self hatred after I dread So I buy a whole pizza and eat the entire ******* thing and it is beyond delicious though the guilt I feel afterwards wasn't worth it and vomitting that **** up was viscous Even when I was a little girl I dreamed of being thin I dreamed of being a model I dreamed of having a flat tummy Just to fit in I didn't like the belly I had or the fat in my cheeks I was the only kid in gym that could never climb the rope and that began a string of anxiety attacks that would last for weeks The doctor calls it insulin resistance which leaves me with the inability to lose weight but I shouldn't have to explain to anyone my condition I just shouldn't have to explain not to mention the ovarian disease that cripples me to my knees which so happens to be genetic and mimics the blood of a diabetic leaving me incurable a medical mystery not to mention infertility so for me children are just a dream Although I tell myself that I am beautiful and that I am intelligent and that I am funny and that I am a hard worker and that I am successful and that I am caring and that I am loving and that I am daring and that I am the best **** friend a person could ever have To a stranger I'm just a "fat ***** and you know what? That makes me really ******* sad
0
Apr 23, 2014
Apr 23, 2014 at 9:10 PM UTC
The Diary of a Mad Fat Woman
I wake up and eat some eggs, a yogurt, and a few slices of melon in an attempt to change my life after all it is that or death I won't hold my breath It's a beautiful day to head to the mall with a friend I really know where this is going Hmm I like that shirt Oops, this store doesn't offer plus size On to the next.. I really like these jeans.. Forty five dollars for sizes sixteen and up What a mess! Since I refuse to let Lane Bryant **** my wallet in the *** I decide to head to Barnes and Noble instead I accidentally bumped into a lady and her baby stroller as I walked past and she mumbled "Fat ***** under her breath Yes that's what she said I didn't even turn my head Because that's what the lady said and that's what society says and instead of trying to explain it's just easier to walk away it's the self hatred after I dread So I buy a whole pizza and eat the entire ******* thing and it is beyond delicious though the guilt I feel afterwards wasn't worth it and vomitting that **** up was viscous Even when I was a little girl I dreamed of being thin I dreamed of being a model I dreamed of having a flat tummy Just to fit in I didn't like the belly I had or the fat in my cheeks I was the only kid in gym that could never climb the rope and that began a string of anxiety attacks that would last for weeks The doctor calls it insulin resistance which leaves me with the inability to lose weight but I shouldn't have to explain to anyone my condition I just shouldn't have to explain not to mention the ovarian disease that cripples me to my knees which so happens to be genetic and mimics the blood of a diabetic leaving me incurable a medical mystery not to mention infertility so for me children are just a dream Although I tell myself that I am beautiful and that I am intelligent and that I am funny and that I am a hard worker and that I am successful and that I am caring and that I am loving and that I am daring and that I am the best **** friend a person could ever have To a stranger I'm just a "fat ***** and you know what? That makes me really ******* sad
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63
Dear Kailey, Polyamory was not our downfall I changed as a person Much quicker than I anticipated So I can imagine it felt Catastrophic to you Polyamory was not our problem But it did highlight the ones we had The reason I left you Primarily was due to codependency But more than that It was your inability to compromise I told you I needed space You said you needed me And that was the end of that conversation When we tried to create boundaries To help our adjustment to poly What you gave me were rules And when I tried to alter them slightly You told me I was not compromising I made my own mistakes too Neither of us are perfect And I'm not writing this to hurt you This is for me alone Because I've been blaming only myself Since that night your parents took you home Because you were blaming me Or too harshly blaming yourself It's not as black-and-white as that This is not an attempt at Relinquishing myself of blame This is a bare acknowledgement For me That I am not bad Even if I've done bad things And I am not responsible Solely For your pain I am sorry for my part in it But I cannot And will not Let this responsibility weigh me down alone Because I matter too And it wasn't easy for me either But it's OK To love and care for someone Without being in relationship with them
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Aug 3, 2018
Aug 3, 2018 at 4:11 PM UTC
Letters to My Exes #1
Devilish blue eyes, frozen gaze. Influencing me against my will, Submitting into dropping defenses. Overcome with an inability to escape, I become bound by those piercing eyes. Sapping once kinder thoughts, Replaced by detached isolation. Shuttering at the crack of the whip, Blindly I walk to death. Carved flesh ammunition against You, weakness exposed. Lacerations to the heart exchanged, Milky fog clouds my oppressor. Pieces held together by hatred, One blow away from cracking. Further into broken self. All freedoms come at a cost.
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Jun 4, 2015
Jun 4, 2015 at 10:32 AM UTC
Blue Eyed Devil
A wind chime old and rusting on your grandmother’s porch The song not as clear as it once was The new tune so softly eerie that to a passerby it seems just fine Waking up five minutes before your alarm Sitting on your bed, wide awake Just watching the time tick pass, minutes of your life Until you’re past the time to go In the idle of traffic, you become aware Of all the movement around you Babies whine, horns honk, people sing Yet here you are What are you doing? Are you doing anything at all? Your bed is a coffin, dusty from the days you don’t open it at all The sunlight is foreign to your eyes People prance around you, basking in its glory They don’t even blink at your inability to see the light. In the cemetery, Gravestones surround you, Bodies of the lost and souls of the ****** You can’t help but resonate somewhere deep inside your soul. Not that you wish to be dead, no. Just that it seems you already are.
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Mar 24, 2017
Mar 24, 2017 at 11:45 PM UTC
My BPD Has Turned Me Into A Ghost (a.k.a. Borderline Ghost Disorder)
"Do not love half lovers Do not entertain half friends Do not indulge in works of the half talented Do not live half a life and do not die a half death If you choose silence, then be silent When you speak, do so until you are finished Do not silence yourself to say something And do not speak to be silent If you accept, then express it bluntly Do not mask it If you refuse then be clear about it for an ambiguous refusal is but a weak acceptance Do not accept half a solution Do not believe half truths Do not dream half a dream Do not fantasize about half hopes Half a drink will not quench your thirst Half a meal will not satiate your hunger Half the way will get you nowhere Half an idea will bear you no results Your other half is not the one you love It is you in another time, yet in the same space It is you when you are not Half a life is a life you didn't live, A word you have not said A smile you postponed A love you have not had A friendship you did not know To reach and not arrive Work and not work Attend only to be absent What makes you a stranger to them closest to you, and they strangers to you The half is a mere moment of inability, but you are able for you are not half a being. You are a whole that exists to live a life, not half a life." --Khalil Gibran
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Jul 14, 2016
Jul 14, 2016 at 12:14 AM UTC
Untitled
I project my stillness onto babies. a still baby creates an environment that yawns apart a dog’s inability to reflect. for each instance of a father’s quietude said father gains a brother.
0
Jan 24, 2014
Jan 24, 2014 at 1:10 PM UTC
nephew
sometimes i wonder if god keeps a record of all the times i have been left, all the times i have been unable to leave. i wonder if he thinks to himself, "when will she learn?" as if he feels my heartache too. i picture god with a furrowed brow, hunched over a typewriter, beginning me again and again, a mountain of crumpled paper at his feet. but somehow - he always ends up at the same point in the story where i am all ****** palms and half-hearted hallelujahs propped up on bruised knees. spitting up blood & teeth at his feet screaming, "IS THAT ALL YOU'VE GOT?" but he doesn't answer. and i catch myself wondering if the silence is his way of punishing me for making a deity out of you. after all, the bible says he is a jealous god. i could've sworn there was a verse somewhere that said you weren't allowed to love anyone other than me. but now that i think about it, i probably took it out of context. if i could add a parable to those already existing, it would be how your chest felt like church under my head, and how i thought to myself, "this is how it would be if he loved me back." or how you fled my bedroom like a crime scene. i am still bleeding. i won't tell you how many times i cracked my heart in half trying to be what you wanted. how my lips on your skin felt judas. now i am waiting for god to begin me once more, hoping he'll leave you out of the plot this time because i don't think i could stand to lose you again. see, rumor has it he knew you'd leave and has been trying to make it up to me since before we'd even met. my song is one of repentance. the wood finish from abandoned pews rotting under my fingernails. i made sacrifices you didn't ask for. i have never known whether my inability to abandon people is more a strength or a weakness but so far everyone i've ever loved has turned into an exit wound, and myself into a flickering no vacancy sign. - m.f.
0
Jul 31, 2014
Jul 31, 2014 at 6:04 PM UTC
the patron saint of painted smiles
sometimes i wonder if god keeps a record of all the times i have been left, all the times i have been unable to leave. i wonder if he thinks to himself, "when will she learn?" as if he feels my heartache too. i picture god with a furrowed brow, hunched over a typewriter, beginning me again and again, a mountain of crumpled paper at his feet. but somehow - he always ends up at the same point in the story where i am all ****** palms and half-hearted hallelujahs propped up on bruised knees. spitting up blood & teeth at his feet screaming, "IS THAT ALL YOU'VE GOT?" but he doesn't answer. and i catch myself wondering if the silence is his way of punishing me for making a deity out of you. after all, the bible says he is a jealous god. i could've sworn there was a verse somewhere that said you weren't allowed to love anyone other than me. but now that i think about it, i probably took it out of context. if i could add a parable to those already existing, it would be how your chest felt like church under my head, and how i thought to myself, "this is how it would be if he loved me back." or how you fled my bedroom like a crime scene. i am still bleeding. i won't tell you how many times i cracked my heart in half trying to be what you wanted. how my lips on your skin felt judas. now i am waiting for god to begin me once more, hoping he'll leave you out of the plot this time because i don't think i could stand to lose you again. see, rumor has it he knew you'd leave and has been trying to make it up to me since before we'd even met. my song is one of repentance. the wood finish from abandoned pews rotting under my fingernails. i made sacrifices you didn't ask for. i have never known whether my inability to abandon people is more a strength or a weakness but so far everyone i've ever loved has turned into an exit wound, and myself into a flickering no vacancy sign. - m.f.
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53
Aegri Somnia Vana (Latin): a sick man's dreams; hallucinations In the country of the blind, the one eyed men are kings So condemn what you don't understand **C  O   N    S     U      M        E** It's more alluring to feed the machine **C  O   N     F      O       R        M** Is your life the masterpiece you dreamt of painting? From out of the depths, Comes Father Time to devour your /follie de grandeur Your blissful ignorance Your wishful thinking **O   B    E     Y** It's all I can do to preserve a calm mind Or try But I'd rather play follow the leader I'm plagued by my cognitive processes It haunts me And my inability to bring luminescence to the infinite shadows swirling around me Don't you know by now your essence of life manifests in the vibrancy of your frequency? Philosophy or logic It's a Love > Fear dichotomy
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Jun 27, 2013
Jun 27, 2013 at 7:56 AM UTC
Aegri Somnia Vana
When you say insomnia, people think you’ve had too much caffeine. That it’s something you’ve eaten that day. That maybe you’re just a little stressed. Those people do not have insomnia. Insomnia rolls off the tongue. It is a noun. It is four vowels and five consonance. It is staring at your ceiling at four o’clock in the morning praying to God that maybe you’ll sleep tonight. Insomnia is knowing ahead of time that you aren’t going to sleep tonight. It is drinking four cups of coffee at 1:30 in the morning because your eyelids are so heavy they feel like anvils are holding them down. It is seeing shapes and figures in the dark that aren’t there. Insomnia is dying a little inside every time you see the sunrise. It is watching the moon reach it’s pinnacle and sink beneath the earth. Insomnia is your mind working at the speed of light and taking sixty years. Insomnia is running a triathlon without training. It is wondering how long your body can take the stress before folding in on itself. It is wondering what the hell is wrong with you that you can’t function like a normal person. Insomnia is taking pills that almost make your waking nightmares look like children’s play compared to your sleeping nightmares. Insomnia is having waking nightmares. It isn’t the inability to focus. It isn’t easily fixed. It isn’t something you deal with. It isn’t caffeine or something you ate. Insomnia isn’t just a noun. It’s a disease.
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Jul 12, 2013
Jul 12, 2013 at 2:35 AM UTC
help, i can't sleep.
Swept into a space too small to hold me. His eyes put me there at first glance. The containment welcome as I had to catch my breath. Mesmerized by the shape of his features! Oh what a beautiful man he is. Everything about him screams alive. Swept into his land of him and the pleasure he gives. Held close by his attention and sweet words. His allure carefully crafted with his heartless soul. Mesmerized by his amazing mouth and touch. Oh what a beautiful man he is. Everything about him screams desire. Swept into his land of lies and deception. Confusion is abound as I hit the ground. No longer blind to his games and fake love. Mesmerized by my inability to make truth real. Oh what a beautiful man he is. Everything about him screams need. Swept into his land of pain and sorrow. Reality is so hard to maintain in my mind. His web woven in captivating moments. Mesmerized by the memories of us in love. Oh what a beautiful man he is. Everything about him screams mine. Swept into his land of closure. My feelings slowly matching the reality I despise. The need for him fills every inch of me. Mesmerized by how weak I've become. Oh what a beautiful man he is. Everything about him screams player. Swept into his land of done. He won't give any part of him to sooth me. Nothing he has is for me as he is over it. Mesmerized by my lack of composure. Oh what a beautiful man he is. Everything about him screams deception. Swept into my land of reality. He is gone and I am so alone. Cut off from the ability to find new love. Mesmerized by my denial of his lack. Oh what a beautiful man he is. Everything about him screams ouch. Becky Jo Gibson 2-26-16
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Aug 24, 2016
Aug 24, 2016 at 3:32 PM UTC
Oh What A Beautiful Man He Is
Swept into a space too small to hold me. His eyes put me there at first glance. The containment welcome as I had to catch my breath. Mesmerized by the shape of his features! Oh what a beautiful man he is. Everything about him screams alive. Swept into his land of him and the pleasure he gives. Held close by his attention and sweet words. His allure carefully crafted with his heartless soul. Mesmerized by his amazing mouth and touch. Oh what a beautiful man he is. Everything about him screams desire. Swept into his land of lies and deception. Confusion is abound as I hit the ground. No longer blind to his games and fake love. Mesmerized by my inability to make truth real. Oh what a beautiful man he is. Everything about him screams need. Swept into his land of pain and sorrow. Reality is so hard to maintain in my mind. His web woven in captivating moments. Mesmerized by the memories of us in love. Oh what a beautiful man he is. Everything about him screams mine. Swept into his land of closure. My feelings slowly matching the reality I despise. The need for him fills every inch of me. Mesmerized by how weak I've become. Oh what a beautiful man he is. Everything about him screams player. Swept into his land of done. He won't give any part of him to sooth me. Nothing he has is for me as he is over it. Mesmerized by my lack of composure. Oh what a beautiful man he is. Everything about him screams deception. Swept into my land of reality. He is gone and I am so alone. Cut off from the ability to find new love. Mesmerized by my denial of his lack. Oh what a beautiful man he is. Everything about him screams ouch. Becky Jo Gibson 2-26-16
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A widespread condition related to nutrition is lactose intolerance that is in essence the inability to digest and assimilate the milk sugar-lactose-the substrate that is acted upon by lactase- the specific enzyme over a period of time. This may happen suddenly and generally at any age most unexpectedly. Lactose intolerance is caused by the absence of the enzyme lactase that breaks down lactose to the simple sugars- glucose and galactose. The condition may be secondary,  congenital, or developmental. Secondary lactose intolerance invariably has its occurrence related to a gastrointestinal infection and its disappearance is linked to the causative factor’s correction. This type of intolerance- (certainly a nuisance) is reversible if we are a bit careful. Congenital lactose intolerance, an inherited form of intolerance, is a rare genetic  abnormality that one can unearth soon after an infant’s birth. This need not cause any fear as it lasts only half a year. Developmental lactose intolerance also known as primary  intolerance is one wherein the enzyme synthesis is progressively less during childhood and this persists into adulthood. Gita Ashok 24/10/2011, 2 pm
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Oct 24, 2011
Oct 24, 2011 at 4:58 AM UTC
Lactose Intolerance
sound of waves crashing against shore she says it’s the tone in your voice sound of waves crashing against shore he asks what tone are you referring to what are you hearing sound of waves crashing against shore she says i’m an artist too you don’t have to tell me sound of waves crashing against shore he explains i was simply affirming my vocation in order to elucidate why i perceive another way sound of waves crashing against shore she says you don’t need to pose or differentiate for me you are so ******* self-absorbed sound of waves crashing against shore he answers self-conscious possibly not self-absorbed i think it is intelligent to question everything to suspect all we see think we know maybe a greater mystery than any of us realize exists beyond all our beliefs sound of waves crashing against shore she says i think it’s time for us to stop talking sound of waves crashing against shore he says why can’t you make it easy why must everything be a fight sound of waves crashing against shore her ****** becomes a deep dark narrowing tunnel he is trapped in thinning air smells like ocean sound of waves crashing against shore her voice detached distant disaffected says fine sound of waves crashing against shore he questions fine? find? line? sign? can you hear me? anyone hear me? sound of waves crashing against shore she purposely ignores his panting gasping shrieking sound of waves crashing against shore later she tells the surgeon who performs the extraction then the police detectives who conduct the investigation she had no idea he was lost in there sound of waves crashing against shore unanimous jury finds her guilty she screams out at courtroom he was a self-absorbed dreamer this is all wrong sound of waves crashing against shore the judge declares mistrial dismisses case based on prosecution’s inability to refute so-called artist’s willingness to enter of his own volition sound of waves crashing against shore late at night she feels his voice whisper circulating through her body haunting her sound of waves crashing against shore
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Oct 17, 2010
Oct 17, 2010 at 8:47 AM UTC
sound of waves crashing against shore
sound of waves crashing against shore she says it’s the tone in your voice sound of waves crashing against shore he asks what tone are you referring to what are you hearing sound of waves crashing against shore she says i’m an artist too you don’t have to tell me sound of waves crashing against shore he explains i was simply affirming my vocation in order to elucidate why i perceive another way sound of waves crashing against shore she says you don’t need to pose or differentiate for me you are so ******* self-absorbed sound of waves crashing against shore he answers self-conscious possibly not self-absorbed i think it is intelligent to question everything to suspect all we see think we know maybe a greater mystery than any of us realize exists beyond all our beliefs sound of waves crashing against shore she says i think it’s time for us to stop talking sound of waves crashing against shore he says why can’t you make it easy why must everything be a fight sound of waves crashing against shore her ****** becomes a deep dark narrowing tunnel he is trapped in thinning air smells like ocean sound of waves crashing against shore her voice detached distant disaffected says fine sound of waves crashing against shore he questions fine? find? line? sign? can you hear me? anyone hear me? sound of waves crashing against shore she purposely ignores his panting gasping shrieking sound of waves crashing against shore later she tells the surgeon who performs the extraction then the police detectives who conduct the investigation she had no idea he was lost in there sound of waves crashing against shore unanimous jury finds her guilty she screams out at courtroom he was a self-absorbed dreamer this is all wrong sound of waves crashing against shore the judge declares mistrial dismisses case based on prosecution’s inability to refute so-called artist’s willingness to enter of his own volition sound of waves crashing against shore late at night she feels his voice whisper circulating through her body haunting her sound of waves crashing against shore
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You Sir, Are An Electrician! **technocrat — noun a proponent, adherent, or supporter of technocracy.** This city boy was expert at Turning the lights on, Unlocking the front door, Putting new batteries in flashlights, And calling the handyman to "Please come upstairs" When the degree of diving difficulty was a Positive number. Also, Freezing the semi-permanently the DVR, Triggering alarms, Killing car batteries, Making laptops question Human sanity, Tearing up when reading, "Some Assembly Required!" Raised in a city of experts, He was unskilled in things electric, Becoming apoplectic, When a device had an On/off switch that ignored him. Somewhat famous he was, For engaging the inanimate, In a verbal dialectic, Which included words highly phonetic, But unsuitable for children's ears. She was raised in rural pastures, Corn fields used for hide n' go seek, Riding goats after school Just for fun, Familiar with innards of Deus ex machina, a/k/a Minor engine repairs, and Doing what he called, Making reparations. IOS7, heaven. Cabling laptop to external devices, Icing on the cake, Dis and reassembling a German coffee maker, Did not require calling an 800 number. She never read an instruction sheet Without pleasurable laughing at Japanese English. He was unashamed of his skilled Unskilled characteristics, For such is the way of the world In the human kingdom, Some of us two handed, some of us, bi-standers. But upon occasion, He would bemoan his fate, Decry his inability to survive On a post-apocalyptic Earth, Like the people on tv and movies. Periodically he would grow morose, Listless, at his inability to adapt to a Point Oh world. Uncomprehending Icons and symbols whose meaning Were wholly unintuitive, He secretly ashamed of his need for technological ****** She would sense his frustration, Wipe away his inner condensation, Climbing into his lap, Whispering the following: **You sir, are an electrician of words, a verbal technocrat,** Plumber of the depths where Few fear to tread, explorer of the head, Restorer of human paintings unmatched, Without your ilk, this world would be unbearable, Your heart's warming silk Comforts bodies and souls, Speaking from experience personal. Then, she flicked his On/Off switch, On.
0
Oct 31, 2013
Oct 31, 2013 at 2:43 AM UTC
You Sir, Are An Electrician!
You Sir, Are An Electrician! **technocrat — noun a proponent, adherent, or supporter of technocracy.** This city boy was expert at Turning the lights on, Unlocking the front door, Putting new batteries in flashlights, And calling the handyman to "Please come upstairs" When the degree of diving difficulty was a Positive number. Also, Freezing the semi-permanently the DVR, Triggering alarms, Killing car batteries, Making laptops question Human sanity, Tearing up when reading, "Some Assembly Required!" Raised in a city of experts, He was unskilled in things electric, Becoming apoplectic, When a device had an On/off switch that ignored him. Somewhat famous he was, For engaging the inanimate, In a verbal dialectic, Which included words highly phonetic, But unsuitable for children's ears. She was raised in rural pastures, Corn fields used for hide n' go seek, Riding goats after school Just for fun, Familiar with innards of Deus ex machina, a/k/a Minor engine repairs, and Doing what he called, Making reparations. IOS7, heaven. Cabling laptop to external devices, Icing on the cake, Dis and reassembling a German coffee maker, Did not require calling an 800 number. She never read an instruction sheet Without pleasurable laughing at Japanese English. He was unashamed of his skilled Unskilled characteristics, For such is the way of the world In the human kingdom, Some of us two handed, some of us, bi-standers. But upon occasion, He would bemoan his fate, Decry his inability to survive On a post-apocalyptic Earth, Like the people on tv and movies. Periodically he would grow morose, Listless, at his inability to adapt to a Point Oh world. Uncomprehending Icons and symbols whose meaning Were wholly unintuitive, He secretly ashamed of his need for technological ****** She would sense his frustration, Wipe away his inner condensation, Climbing into his lap, Whispering the following: **You sir, are an electrician of words, a verbal technocrat,** Plumber of the depths where Few fear to tread, explorer of the head, Restorer of human paintings unmatched, Without your ilk, this world would be unbearable, Your heart's warming silk Comforts bodies and souls, Speaking from experience personal. Then, she flicked his On/Off switch, On.
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single mother pale, Chekhovian her social status an anachronism the length of her skirt another dollar bills bring sustenance while the ends that are ever so failing to meet remind her of an inability to cope in every single way every single day
0
Dec 13, 2011
Dec 13, 2011 at 12:49 AM UTC
Mumsy Onesie
I was a shirt filed with straw and rags. Pants that hang loose. Jeans cuffed pinned uncomfortably. Nothing to think of; a hat filled with straw. The inability to walk. Pinned to a board. Hickory oak. Chest disproportionate to a small waist. Sleeves flung in the wind. Left standing still; a face motionless. Pinned to hickory oak. A shadow left in an empty field, the boundaries of a checkerboard shirt. The insecurity of straw hands. Pickett fences to the feet of crows, Still she'd visit often. Distance cut short by dark heavy wings. She'd caw in my silence, Not knowing the ability to smile I stood against purpose. She refused to run, poking fun at my hat. The clothes that hung loosely in the wind, scurf tied tightly around my neck. Feeling her ***** the strings of my chest. Strands of straw filled by her need to find a home. Was there anything there at all before that moment. Becoming shelter to the way she pried.
0
Mar 22, 2017
Mar 22, 2017 at 7:11 AM UTC
Scarecrow