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"hesitancy" poems
Your love rains down                                        from the shower head. Sharp needles of fire                                                                                   dousing cold feet.                                    It feels like daggers,                                                and wouldn't be so, if I hadn't lingered for so long, in my frigid hesitancy.
0
Feb 15, 2016
Feb 15, 2016 at 11:01 PM UTC
Cold Feet
Note: This is a running conversation between Dom Scruffy Lobo and me (his submissive - bunny) From the Dom Each day I grow more in love with You Each day I feel your presence Each day you submit yourself to me Each day without hesitancy How could I be so lucky To have found a boy so sweet How can I grow this bond Until we one day meet The Wolf preys on bunny A dance to do eternally This Wolf devours His bunny With love so merrily All-in-all love so complex But still love so simplified To be near you And hear you moan To Me you give your life. From the submissive I wish I could tell You what Your love means to me But that right now is an impossibility There aren't enough words in any language that's known To quantify these feelings You have grown i wish i could tell You how much I love you But that is also something I cannot do In the language of dragons and fairy and magic The words might be lost, truly tragic But listen to my heart as it speaks to yours I know Yours hears the right words by the score The magnitude is greater, greater than great The intensity of our love i just can't narrate But trust and believe i'd give my life up for You Trust and believe serve and obey i'll always for You.
0
Jun 16, 2021
Jun 16, 2021 at 5:22 PM UTC
How much do I love?
It was a link like the one between bonds , Irreplaceable and impeccable. Bestfriends , what they said they were. When together , they gained a definite optimum. Fancied by the crowd , But deep down pitied by all. Hearts pumped with the same rhythms , The same hesitancy and same agitations. Bestfriends , what they said they were . A bit drowsy , a bit shattered What to consider next , Was her only possible quest. But sooner or later , She will perceive the certainty , That it was no more than a witless sanction , Bestfriends what they said they were.
0
Jan 20, 2018
Jan 20, 2018 at 9:13 AM UTC
Bestfriends.
Another scar to bear And another pain inside. Nothing for you to see, It's hidden behind my eyes, But I do hurt, and myself I revile, After these long months of living as a friend. Victory, Victory, Victoria So this is what's become of us. Another scar, Something my words did not intend, Neither of us safe from their path. We both played our part precise, We, the engineers of our own demise. You, with waiting to play your cards, Unfortunately you played it too close, you played too far. How long is a guy supposed to wait Before he wises up, Before he realizes he will not catch the bait? You tell a guy just want to be friends, twice, And you know what, he thinks he gets the point. You built your walls up too high To try and prevent a painful ending, And instead we never got to start. Victory, Victory, Victoria So this is what's become of us. Another scar, Something my words did not intend, With neither of us safe from their path. We both played our parts precise, We, the engineers of our own demise. It seems as if I paint it all your fault But we both played our parts. I waited patient and tried to be The best friend and what I thought you needed, And when you mentioned your friend Thought I was an "interest"ing guy, I walked into it with my head held high And both eyes staring open wide, Refusing to let myself see What you really did mean. Victory, in honesty, I could only wait so long, hating to be alone, And Victory, in honesty, I never thought I'd be singing this song, Victoria, as things wound and rewrapped themselves So quickly after I picked out a new course. And to you again, how long do you Expect a guy to sit tight and wait? It's a lonely life to watch a girl live life Until she finds she is ready to date. And as for the poems you quoted at me, Only one was written about the new "she". If only you'd taken the time to see what The upload date would surely tell you, A different story on who the subject Of that second poem was, Of who I wrote that other poem for - Or maybe you prefer now not to know So neither of us has more reason to hurt Beyond the fact that I never showed you that poem. So Victory, Victory, Victoria This is what's to become of us. Yet another scar to bear, Something from my words I never did intend, With neither of us safe from their path. We, the players, acting our parts precise, We, the engineers, the designers of our own demise.
0
Oct 1, 2012
Oct 1, 2012 at 2:03 PM UTC
A Hangover Of Proximity And Hesitancy
Another scar to bear And another pain inside. Nothing for you to see, It's hidden behind my eyes, But I do hurt, and myself I revile, After these long months of living as a friend. Victory, Victory, Victoria So this is what's become of us. Another scar, Something my words did not intend, Neither of us safe from their path. We both played our part precise, We, the engineers of our own demise. You, with waiting to play your cards, Unfortunately you played it too close, you played too far. How long is a guy supposed to wait Before he wises up, Before he realizes he will not catch the bait? You tell a guy just want to be friends, twice, And you know what, he thinks he gets the point. You built your walls up too high To try and prevent a painful ending, And instead we never got to start. Victory, Victory, Victoria So this is what's become of us. Another scar, Something my words did not intend, With neither of us safe from their path. We both played our parts precise, We, the engineers of our own demise. It seems as if I paint it all your fault But we both played our parts. I waited patient and tried to be The best friend and what I thought you needed, And when you mentioned your friend Thought I was an "interest"ing guy, I walked into it with my head held high And both eyes staring open wide, Refusing to let myself see What you really did mean. Victory, in honesty, I could only wait so long, hating to be alone, And Victory, in honesty, I never thought I'd be singing this song, Victoria, as things wound and rewrapped themselves So quickly after I picked out a new course. And to you again, how long do you Expect a guy to sit tight and wait? It's a lonely life to watch a girl live life Until she finds she is ready to date. And as for the poems you quoted at me, Only one was written about the new "she". If only you'd taken the time to see what The upload date would surely tell you, A different story on who the subject Of that second poem was, Of who I wrote that other poem for - Or maybe you prefer now not to know So neither of us has more reason to hurt Beyond the fact that I never showed you that poem. So Victory, Victory, Victoria This is what's to become of us. Yet another scar to bear, Something from my words I never did intend, With neither of us safe from their path. We, the players, acting our parts precise, We, the engineers, the designers of our own demise.
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66
Punctuation marks the hesitancy in this conversation and I can't help but dwell on words resting unspoken between commas, ellipses and apostrophes;the Spaces between letters where sounds sleep, vibrations strike empty chords and fall short of expression.
0
Feb 24, 2015
Feb 24, 2015 at 7:52 PM UTC
Words Unspoken Speaking
It's not because I don't love you, because, I do. But you see it always starts out the same. I learn about you from a friend when he tells me your name, how much he loves you, all the wondrous things you say and that I need to get to know you; today. The next time I visit that friend, you're there. I try to play cool, desperately trying to hide how much I really care. But inside I'm pulsing, racing, unable to think of anything except when can I get you alone and when can I make you sing. After all I've heard so much about you; hated by those that don't matter and loved by those that do. So when it's time for me to leave you come along without hesitancy and at home we get to know each other, when your arch your spine for me like you did for your last lover. I hint at deep intentions when I ask you to move in; promising nights in each others arms, my love and undivided attention. “I have room for you in my life” I'll say, but despite this all I still might give you away. It's not that I won't miss you when you're gone, but, the problem is I'm a traveler; a vagabond. I move on, and on and on, frequently meeting new faces that hold a wonder for truth; and they remind me of me the me before you. And so, my darling, it isn't that I don't love you, I do. But I've met someone new, and this someone needs you.
0
Jun 6, 2011
Jun 6, 2011 at 11:07 AM UTC
Give and Get Books
DEAR PENPAL PEOPLE, the sun is beautiful--isn't it?:) come back no more retrieve those times free those ends skirting down the space literal meanings of known overflow in motions of waves I would never say then them be tunes symphonious to the ear splendid in fear of eternal reveal she in disguise no more comes to a life snatched in daze taken by hand fight or flight said the drag to the glass hesitancy in the eyes of guilt and rebel Mars my heart flutters for the leave into the dark a step between the light and the dark no seconds no thirds on duty bark turn the black and show the white hue for a selfish moment for a stare for a blue in the tremble memoirs are written upon floors for the remember yet found in not an adequate resemble lose me once then carve the doors awake my feet lie on logs of take and not fakes make up my soul make up my mind its not late for another chance another mistake she in the adds she in the lines she for an escape maybe untouched by those neither by these cut my slate bring me to the reals forever sealed for my eyes surreal not for once not for dear the sun brushes feather for the sight to near an end of oceans to look up mercy on the seas one jump to **** her gear --------ravenfeels
0
Apr 16, 2021
Apr 16, 2021 at 5:20 PM UTC
Sun Brushes
Tantamount to the crawlspace where your emotions are dissembled, is the animalistic focus in your pointed gaze, Sketchy eyed with jerky limbed motions, As elusive as you are always around, Or so it would seem, Their eyes fall upon you, no doubt, You are a vision, That I do not and have never questioned, There is a fundamental lack of hesitancy in your days, lately you have looked let down, Thinking of you, occurs outside the restraints of time, I would like to be everything with you.
0
Aug 26, 2018
Aug 26, 2018 at 12:36 PM UTC
Do you?
Where desire is an endless distance... 'He sleeps...I steal his brush, Dip it red and wet, Painting on his chest; A mosaic of Love My heart's mirror; I carry him Beneath my breast, His Love The first and last Of my awakening heart'... Writing him... It was the softness of his hand That held my breath against my will Nestling in the curve of my arm; My heart fluttered in his warm smile As the mocha of his sight drenched me... Smiles echoed on the canvas Of tomorrows, suspended in each Syllable that flowed like manna from heaven; My fingers abandoned their hesitancy Outlining his face, Memorising... I faltered; Breathing in the shimmer of what is real; His smile whispered a promise, As his voice echoed my own In an unwritten poem... Poetry... Lily white, she wakes near the night river, The red mantra of Summer's rain, opens The rose to shadow; Cradled in awakened smiles, The touch of twilight intoxicates visions of fairy-tales, Like somber hues of unbuttoned fragments... Heartbeats, Soaked to the hollow of ******* Tucked in the deep comas of the lotus moon; Her silver light, Seamless, Dreaming silks and milk tender... A whispered name... Hands steeped in honey, Moving slowly through deep-red, Echoes of dream; Stillness, Swallowed, As hours burn pale candles, Frozen eternal in spangles and lace... Her wings wrap his pain in song; Feather light, A kiss of sweet enchantment, Beyond the delicate tick-tock Of destiny's hourglass; A verse vertigo Set free by the bleeding of her pen... Reflections..... This soft everlasting kiss Nourishes the weeping within, Showering each cold-shadow with warmth; He sings in my skin, Where we go in midnight's colours My body, a pebble on his mountains; Immersed in an endless sky; Miracles flourish Embraced in our endless beginnings.........
0
Aug 23, 2012
Aug 23, 2012 at 2:12 PM UTC
Endless Beginnings:
Where desire is an endless distance... 'He sleeps...I steal his brush, Dip it red and wet, Painting on his chest; A mosaic of Love My heart's mirror; I carry him Beneath my breast, His Love The first and last Of my awakening heart'... Writing him... It was the softness of his hand That held my breath against my will Nestling in the curve of my arm; My heart fluttered in his warm smile As the mocha of his sight drenched me... Smiles echoed on the canvas Of tomorrows, suspended in each Syllable that flowed like manna from heaven; My fingers abandoned their hesitancy Outlining his face, Memorising... I faltered; Breathing in the shimmer of what is real; His smile whispered a promise, As his voice echoed my own In an unwritten poem... Poetry... Lily white, she wakes near the night river, The red mantra of Summer's rain, opens The rose to shadow; Cradled in awakened smiles, The touch of twilight intoxicates visions of fairy-tales, Like somber hues of unbuttoned fragments... Heartbeats, Soaked to the hollow of ******* Tucked in the deep comas of the lotus moon; Her silver light, Seamless, Dreaming silks and milk tender... A whispered name... Hands steeped in honey, Moving slowly through deep-red, Echoes of dream; Stillness, Swallowed, As hours burn pale candles, Frozen eternal in spangles and lace... Her wings wrap his pain in song; Feather light, A kiss of sweet enchantment, Beyond the delicate tick-tock Of destiny's hourglass; A verse vertigo Set free by the bleeding of her pen... Reflections..... This soft everlasting kiss Nourishes the weeping within, Showering each cold-shadow with warmth; He sings in my skin, Where we go in midnight's colours My body, a pebble on his mountains; Immersed in an endless sky; Miracles flourish Embraced in our endless beginnings.........
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66
Almost by Michael R. Burch We had—almost—an affair. You almost ran your fingers through my hair. I almost kissed the almonds of your toes. We almost loved, that’s always how love goes. You almost contemplated using Nair and adding henna highlights to your hair, while I considered plucking you a Rose. We almost loved, that’s always how love goes. I almost found the words to say, “I care.” We almost kissed, and yet you didn’t dare. I heard coarse stubble grate against your hose. We almost loved, that’s always how love goes. You almost called me suave and debonair (perhaps because my chest is pale and bare?). I almost bought you edible underclothes. We almost loved, that’s always how love goes. I almost asked you where you kept your lair and if by chance I might ****** you there. You almost tweezed the redwoods from my nose. We almost loved, that’s always how love goes. We almost danced like Rogers and Astaire on gliding feet; we almost waltzed on air ... until I mashed your plain, unpolished toes. We almost loved, that’s always how love goes. I almost was strange Sonny to your Cher. We almost sat in love’s electric chair to be enlightninged, till our hearts unfroze. We almost loved, that’s always how love goes. Keywords/Tags: Almost, love, lost love, loss, lost, relationship, relationships, hesitation, procrastination, hesitancy, vacillation, near, near miss, nearly, close call, miss you, missing you, missing, loneliness, lonely
0
Jan 6, 2022
Jan 6, 2022 at 8:54 AM UTC
We almost loved (that's always how love goes)
beside your brother-in-law, they placed you in the ground. they buried you by my great grandparents in an unpopulated town. by early September, the grass was cold; but they made a spot for you, so they wouldn’t be alone. dressed in black, i took a step forward; i grasped some courage, then reached for a rose. there were tears in my eyes; there was hesitancy in my step. they lowered your coffin as i took a deep breath. i swear i tried; i tried to be strong. but i remember you healthy, and now you’re just gone. so here i am; i’m faced with a choice: cry quickly, move on, & live, or socialize and listen, & try to forgive. they’re all here, grandma, your friends and your family; they came. you have no idea how great an impact in these lives that which you have made. i didn’t tell you that i’d been halfway lying, about the mistakes that i’d made. i regret not sharing my poems with you. i’m sorry for the excuses i always made. i’m sorry that i didn’t just sit with you to visit and crochet; i tried too hard to be busy until it was just too late. and i live with that regret everyday. grandma, i miss you. i love you. i know where you are lain. your beautiful soul is flying with angels, but your body’s in this dying grave. unrelenting overthinking causes a heart to stop its beating, and this gut-wrenching under-eating has got to STOP. my stomach’s bleeding from the constant hunger to feel needed. to be heard & to live in peace…once more. because grandma, i went back to your grave on September 7th this year, but i could not find your site. and i started to cry as i wandered aimlessly; to try to lay down the letter to you that i started to write. they told me that you’re better off now, but i’m not so sure i can go on living like my heart didn’t get torn out. my hands shake as i hang my head in shame because i cannot bear the thought of someone looking at me and finally noticing that i am broken..and hurt. frankly, i ache inside because, though i was there when you were buried, i know not where you lie. i forgot to pay too much attention to the site of your grave. maybe it’s because i was afraid to admit that this would turn out to be a familiar place, a desperate space, an earth-shattering, sob-crying, soul-dying, terrifying thing! grandma, i am afraid. because this…this is where you are lain. © Melissa Carlson 2015
0
Nov 12, 2015
Nov 12, 2015 at 8:23 PM UTC
Where They Laid You
beside your brother-in-law, they placed you in the ground. they buried you by my great grandparents in an unpopulated town. by early September, the grass was cold; but they made a spot for you, so they wouldn’t be alone. dressed in black, i took a step forward; i grasped some courage, then reached for a rose. there were tears in my eyes; there was hesitancy in my step. they lowered your coffin as i took a deep breath. i swear i tried; i tried to be strong. but i remember you healthy, and now you’re just gone. so here i am; i’m faced with a choice: cry quickly, move on, & live, or socialize and listen, & try to forgive. they’re all here, grandma, your friends and your family; they came. you have no idea how great an impact in these lives that which you have made. i didn’t tell you that i’d been halfway lying, about the mistakes that i’d made. i regret not sharing my poems with you. i’m sorry for the excuses i always made. i’m sorry that i didn’t just sit with you to visit and crochet; i tried too hard to be busy until it was just too late. and i live with that regret everyday. grandma, i miss you. i love you. i know where you are lain. your beautiful soul is flying with angels, but your body’s in this dying grave. unrelenting overthinking causes a heart to stop its beating, and this gut-wrenching under-eating has got to STOP. my stomach’s bleeding from the constant hunger to feel needed. to be heard & to live in peace…once more. because grandma, i went back to your grave on September 7th this year, but i could not find your site. and i started to cry as i wandered aimlessly; to try to lay down the letter to you that i started to write. they told me that you’re better off now, but i’m not so sure i can go on living like my heart didn’t get torn out. my hands shake as i hang my head in shame because i cannot bear the thought of someone looking at me and finally noticing that i am broken..and hurt. frankly, i ache inside because, though i was there when you were buried, i know not where you lie. i forgot to pay too much attention to the site of your grave. maybe it’s because i was afraid to admit that this would turn out to be a familiar place, a desperate space, an earth-shattering, sob-crying, soul-dying, terrifying thing! grandma, i am afraid. because this…this is where you are lain. © Melissa Carlson 2015
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2
My legs around his waist, My mouth embracing his taste, Our kiss fire-fuelled and chaste, Moving to an unseen frantic pace, Pleasure ripe upon his glowing face, All hesitancy disappears without a trace, A game of pleasure but it's not a race, Consideration of clothes treated like lace, At the point of ****** i break like an overflowing case, Starfilled vision-until I awake in the heat of his space.
0
Jul 31, 2014
Jul 31, 2014 at 6:31 PM UTC
First it was lust
once you experienced love, you tasted the clouds. "is it the true taste of love?", she ponders then, all she knows was a jolly certainty. because of him. now, all she knows is a gloomy hesitancy. because of him.
0
Nov 25, 2017
Nov 25, 2017 at 7:11 AM UTC
Love?
"I don't care if it's a joke in your eyes." She said with no hesitancy and a certain sharpness in her voice. Her softness faded and boldness came over. Her stare was razor sharp as though she could **** someone but it was also disciplined more than impulsive. It wasn't rage, it was fire; fierce and courageous that l hadn't ever seen her dress in. She looked intimidating but strong. She looked daunting but fearless. "There is a limit to jokes, I do joke around and it is fun to a certain point. But there are words and actions I will not tolerate and that is my personal choice. My boundary. I don't care if I love you or if you are my friend. I don't care if you are the closest person to me or the farthest. I will not let your actions or words compromise on my self respect anymore. It is my self value that I stand by. Your actions, words do not define me. The way you treat me does not bring down my worth and neither does it matter to me anymore. I am not a reflection of who you treat me. I know who I am now, I know what I stand by. I am not afraid of losing you or afraid to be seen as a person who overreacts" She stepped in closer, sending a shiver down their spine. "This is my self respect, value, and boundary - accept it or leave"
0
Feb 26, 2018
Feb 26, 2018 at 8:01 AM UTC
Prose: Boundaries
I should’ve known the way you warmed your palms against my back that you would kiss me, but at least your trembling lips covered the hesitancy of mine, tortured into timidity by the guy who pushed himself into me demanding that I like it. You touched me with a reverence I didn’t deserve as I remained tangled in reservations of certain caresses, positions, and the possible suggestion of *** in my bed. You nestled your chin in the curve of my neck instead and while you slept on the prospect of contentment, I cried for trust you would expect from me, a wrecked reject **** victim who believed that maybe she was a tease who would continue to displease any man willing to lay her. I made you leave when I saw the sun’s rays, but relief didn’t stay behind.
0
Mar 12, 2015
Mar 12, 2015 at 6:18 PM UTC
Atychiphobia
The Pregnant Unknown trails softly behind us: Love’s secret voice whispering, even begging us to surrender hesitancy, that precarious net new lovers hold while wading barefoot in shallow waters… …this tide gently pulls us further, Love offers us the gift of buoyancy over its fearful depths as we pass in and out of each others arms… Angels and demons on either side, guiding us, but they can only see so far – oh, the power we hold! We are both: pillars anchored separately in Love and that space in between where we mix beyond praise and premonition, outside of time, yet we unfold. Embolden by your spirit, your imperfections revealing your vulnerability, framing your beauty and humanity, my own dawn with blinding clarity and stories untold. Complete and overthrown by this Mystery peeking from behind our fear, dancing through our fresh eyes, we are Here mirroring in Love’s infinite womb.
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Mar 10, 2013
Mar 10, 2013 at 3:27 PM UTC
The Pregnant Unknown
I am twisting these Words simply because of the intricacy that can be held by muttering together letter after letter The language formed The communication I was going to ask if you remembered that time, but I know better You know You remember When the winds were blowing hard And we were to go our separate ways And there I was pounding my fists within my chest Wailing out How badly did the desire stained liquid quench feeling of lust want to escape Built up inside of me Dying to break out To be fed You knew it You knew I loved you You stood there Waiting patiently gallantly No you wouldn’t interpose anything And the little fists within me would keep beating and pounding too afraid to break the rhythm they had formed You stood tall It was winter I think Or perhaps late fall Definitely not early spring though Because I know too well The scent of spring And the feeling And the time didn’t match with that Your eyes glimmered Secrets within I so smitten So afraid to interpose upon you So afraid To stand tall Not wanting to burst our friendship With anything more But the desire had become too much Insatiable with a simple hug or smile You stood there Only waiting Yet I didn’t know it then And after the years When it all clicked in I remember your gallant way of standing And even now Sometimes you smile at me You smile at the deeper root within me You see the grounding connection between us You feel it too But you see my weaknesses And without doubt My fears as well I wish I could show you my strength Although I know you know It exists And rather mundane now For the time for these thoughts has passed And now they are just meaningless specks On the image Of our youth And I know you know that I feel I have to prove it And I know you know I know you know That it is unnecessary Sorry for my hesitancy But that time of year has come again The rain The wind The dividing factors Pulling away at my skin At my scarf And I can ever so clearly remember the prudence The day And I realized Perhaps For just once So I can fill my gut With the fulfillment That you know How deep I go So... Please, Don’t smile, I love you
0
Nov 6, 2013
Nov 6, 2013 at 3:29 PM UTC
don't smile, i love you
I am twisting these Words simply because of the intricacy that can be held by muttering together letter after letter The language formed The communication I was going to ask if you remembered that time, but I know better You know You remember When the winds were blowing hard And we were to go our separate ways And there I was pounding my fists within my chest Wailing out How badly did the desire stained liquid quench feeling of lust want to escape Built up inside of me Dying to break out To be fed You knew it You knew I loved you You stood there Waiting patiently gallantly No you wouldn’t interpose anything And the little fists within me would keep beating and pounding too afraid to break the rhythm they had formed You stood tall It was winter I think Or perhaps late fall Definitely not early spring though Because I know too well The scent of spring And the feeling And the time didn’t match with that Your eyes glimmered Secrets within I so smitten So afraid to interpose upon you So afraid To stand tall Not wanting to burst our friendship With anything more But the desire had become too much Insatiable with a simple hug or smile You stood there Only waiting Yet I didn’t know it then And after the years When it all clicked in I remember your gallant way of standing And even now Sometimes you smile at me You smile at the deeper root within me You see the grounding connection between us You feel it too But you see my weaknesses And without doubt My fears as well I wish I could show you my strength Although I know you know It exists And rather mundane now For the time for these thoughts has passed And now they are just meaningless specks On the image Of our youth And I know you know that I feel I have to prove it And I know you know I know you know That it is unnecessary Sorry for my hesitancy But that time of year has come again The rain The wind The dividing factors Pulling away at my skin At my scarf And I can ever so clearly remember the prudence The day And I realized Perhaps For just once So I can fill my gut With the fulfillment That you know How deep I go So... Please, Don’t smile, I love you
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85
this poem may trigger and is entirely, as the title suggests, vile A black room in faded blue light night time party We have drugs and alcohol and nice men for your individual company I drift between all conversations he insults my intelligence he’s so much smarter than me he can prove it without trying and I really believe it A black light lit room he’s been waiting for time to stroke my ego and then put me down I let him My hesitancy is to be expected he's older, he knows more than I could I wouldn’t want to wait my whole life for something I can get now He’s so much smarter than me I am so beautiful worth forehead kisses and lingering touches deserving of his attention So we touch and writhe and then again, later there’s no real witnesses and I feel cared for Then morning light comes and he informs me he did not so I am obligated for round 3 In the bathroom while the shower runs freezing cold over me I messed up, please stop but I must have not been too scared because I only asked and didn’t leave His fist pulled at my scalp and he told me I liked it made me tell him I loved him "You’re never going to get this anywhere else You’re going to come back to me” I'm shaking too hard to hold myself up I’m crying, stifling it into my arm I’m trying to shut up but it hurts and I can’t think "Shut up You want me to come, don’t you?” I want it to be done
0
Jan 6, 2014
Jan 6, 2014 at 10:51 AM UTC
Vile
I’m finally going to get on that platform on the 18th of next month, for a first-time, one-time performance. The once, seemingly impossible will come fully true, which seems like a lot narratively. It’ll be like leaving home—but we’re crashing out. Moving on to other plot points, big topics and intense missions. We’re all caustically optimistic. Although there’s a cellular-level pull to move on we can’t help but feel a hesitancy to jump into our multifarious futures. We’ve never been improvident. In my personal pool of experience, when I feel alone, friendless and unseen, this unintelligible fear noise arises and I'm tempted to tap out. But I never have. . . Songs for this: walk but in a garden by LLusion What Dreams Are Made Of by Evann McIntosh I Like You (A Happier Song) [feat. Doja Cat] by Post Malone
0
Apr 10, 2025
Apr 10, 2025 at 5:23 PM UTC
antonyms
feeling trapped is a constant it comes in sweeping waves that engulf my very world— i struggle to keep my head above the suffocating surf that is my mind i try to find solace in the ceasing seas of assailment— for in that moment my battered soul will know relief relief, however, is a funny thing it comes in deluding dewdrops of temporary bliss— i admire the enticing beauty that is brought to me if only for the moment i try to ignore the crystal-clear reflection that is my perennial hesitancy— for in that moment my composure evaporates beneath the afternoon sun -hcd
0
Jun 27, 2016
Jun 27, 2016 at 4:08 PM UTC
0 6 / 2 7 / 1 6
You wormed your way into my room through tendrils Of smoke curling through my hair You sat on my bed as if you belonged there, and Who was I to tell you any different? This is not a hate poem; this is a coming-to-terms with my own emotions. We kept the lights off, a deliberate foreshadowing. I could feel you sinking lower into my sheets, The conversation didn’t bother itself to become memorable. You said you were six feet tall, I’m still not sure if that’s true. I made you stand up to compare, but didn’t garner much, Other than what it feels like to have your breath gently flow towards My perked face, to have your hands withering at your sides before Stretching out, over my torso. We sat back down. Conversational squares Emerged. You kissed me, like I knew you would, without hesitancy or Any questions at all. I had a few, but your lips stemmed them, and I figured Your body was answer enough. It was. At least the first time. It felt good. You were good. Especially to me. You wound your way throughout my body and stroked my worries Into oblivion. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted it. We both did. But looking back, I wish there had been questions. I wish you hadn’t known that I would give myself to you. Just like all the other girls before, just like all the ones after and during. Nothing that happened was wrong. I came away from the night with A new sort of tingling and a spreading smile and endorphins that Seemed to bounce from side to side within me. But I still wish I had been special. – Not what happened, but me. This is my greatest downfall.
0
Apr 10, 2013
Apr 10, 2013 at 11:28 AM UTC
Untitled
You wormed your way into my room through tendrils Of smoke curling through my hair You sat on my bed as if you belonged there, and Who was I to tell you any different? This is not a hate poem; this is a coming-to-terms with my own emotions. We kept the lights off, a deliberate foreshadowing. I could feel you sinking lower into my sheets, The conversation didn’t bother itself to become memorable. You said you were six feet tall, I’m still not sure if that’s true. I made you stand up to compare, but didn’t garner much, Other than what it feels like to have your breath gently flow towards My perked face, to have your hands withering at your sides before Stretching out, over my torso. We sat back down. Conversational squares Emerged. You kissed me, like I knew you would, without hesitancy or Any questions at all. I had a few, but your lips stemmed them, and I figured Your body was answer enough. It was. At least the first time. It felt good. You were good. Especially to me. You wound your way throughout my body and stroked my worries Into oblivion. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted it. We both did. But looking back, I wish there had been questions. I wish you hadn’t known that I would give myself to you. Just like all the other girls before, just like all the ones after and during. Nothing that happened was wrong. I came away from the night with A new sort of tingling and a spreading smile and endorphins that Seemed to bounce from side to side within me. But I still wish I had been special. – Not what happened, but me. This is my greatest downfall.
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Remember when we cannot remember anymore, the Sun shining through windows sealed shut, when we talk about it we do not talk about it, we call it with a different name: aberration. I cannot remember you anymore so small and languid in this life. Everything pales in comparison -- offered by chance, filled with hesitancy as if obligation, emptied by coming into the fullness of it, saying it as a plump word with the same accuracy of knives tucked within the soft recess of the kitchen counter that same day, you were different as any other when we cycled through Alexandrite Street, the world new again like we were born in the similar moment splintered by much less of a force waiting outside the black gate of the home, and so much more of a name slipping away from the cliff of my chafed lip onto your body's sustained pit, the drop barely an indent, only as if of limited exertion but possibly a weight for us to solder through and through. I told you I could never indulge into the fray and hold armaments of it, but twice-told this battle I can fit in: you, my accoutrement for war, hallowed you are in excess of flow and march through rain and light smiling through opened windows with a blank circle of lightness that is your face held close and memorized before taking the commute home, force-equipped with time's persistent pleading and our untoward compliance like a reciprocal of stiffness: you are the wall of your home and I, a suspended pendulum with a dumb clockhand      in a stalemate.
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May 21, 2016
May 21, 2016 at 1:35 PM UTC
Gridlock
Remember when we cannot remember anymore, the Sun shining through windows sealed shut, when we talk about it we do not talk about it, we call it with a different name: aberration. I cannot remember you anymore so small and languid in this life. Everything pales in comparison -- offered by chance, filled with hesitancy as if obligation, emptied by coming into the fullness of it, saying it as a plump word with the same accuracy of knives tucked within the soft recess of the kitchen counter that same day, you were different as any other when we cycled through Alexandrite Street, the world new again like we were born in the similar moment splintered by much less of a force waiting outside the black gate of the home, and so much more of a name slipping away from the cliff of my chafed lip onto your body's sustained pit, the drop barely an indent, only as if of limited exertion but possibly a weight for us to solder through and through. I told you I could never indulge into the fray and hold armaments of it, but twice-told this battle I can fit in: you, my accoutrement for war, hallowed you are in excess of flow and march through rain and light smiling through opened windows with a blank circle of lightness that is your face held close and memorized before taking the commute home, force-equipped with time's persistent pleading and our untoward compliance like a reciprocal of stiffness: you are the wall of your home and I, a suspended pendulum with a dumb clockhand      in a stalemate.
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I can feel a poem rising at the tip of my fingers tonight. I can feel them revolting, buzzing with anger; demanding to be heard. And so I tie my hair back, pick up my pen, ever the docile servant to my emotions. What do you wanna talk about, I ask them? The buzzing stopped short, for the first time with some hesitancy, they answer we don't know. And so we sat in companionable silence, with pen held. A hundred fluttering thoughts, but none I can connect to form a poem. Write down, they say, write what we have always wanted to say, and so I let my emotions glide my fingers over the page, scribbling my brain out of the story, letting heart play to its fullest content. And so heart wrote the softest words, And in silence my brain slept.
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Mar 31, 2017
Mar 31, 2017 at 5:12 PM UTC
When feelings take over
***~for my poet friends who will understand exactly the nature of our ailment/adventure~*** it begins when once poem titled, which, a first clue, nothing more, a mumbled prophesy, an arrow to duration & direction home but unknown, a one-way stop sign neatly lettered in the smallest sized letters with the disclaimer above you sojourn to an uncultivated land, not sown. you travel to places “finding out what you don’t want to know, what you don’t want to find out,” no guide, no well trodden path, no cultural prescribed woke diktats, you are, taken unwilling more than you lead, where endings surprising, unforeseen, return tickets never offered for sale pick words, more likely, they pick you, the only constant your rapid metabolism, a winter snow blow, swirling churning, even midst the most languid, sultry southern summer day mind the mind. mind the ground frozen until a tiny tickle trickle verse becomes a full-on ground melt, wet and soggy, ******* you into a rice-rock-hard pellet-poem thriving, you observe your own drowning in a 6 inch deep wet paddy the bottom line, the net net, summary judgment you commenced with urgent hesitancy for the risks are great now, pen dagger chest pointed, you, ****** in crosshairs, your own graven idol image having found out what you don’t want to know, having found out what you don’t want to find out find myself weeping, fists holding my head, communing with floorboards oak hardened, groaning acknowledging, this, this, THIS*** *this discovering, uncovering, this is why I write, this is why I dare not write anymore!* 12/13/2019 ~~~~~ postscript Friday the 13th, 3/26 ~~~~~~~ or why I cannot stop…
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Dec 14, 2019
Dec 14, 2019 at 10:42 AM UTC
2019: For My Poet Friends: Writing is Finding out what you dont want to know, what you dont want to find out. (James Baldwin)
***~for my poet friends who will understand exactly the nature of our ailment/adventure~*** it begins when once poem titled, which, a first clue, nothing more, a mumbled prophesy, an arrow to duration & direction home but unknown, a one-way stop sign neatly lettered in the smallest sized letters with the disclaimer above you sojourn to an uncultivated land, not sown. you travel to places “finding out what you don’t want to know, what you don’t want to find out,” no guide, no well trodden path, no cultural prescribed woke diktats, you are, taken unwilling more than you lead, where endings surprising, unforeseen, return tickets never offered for sale pick words, more likely, they pick you, the only constant your rapid metabolism, a winter snow blow, swirling churning, even midst the most languid, sultry southern summer day mind the mind. mind the ground frozen until a tiny tickle trickle verse becomes a full-on ground melt, wet and soggy, ******* you into a rice-rock-hard pellet-poem thriving, you observe your own drowning in a 6 inch deep wet paddy the bottom line, the net net, summary judgment you commenced with urgent hesitancy for the risks are great now, pen dagger chest pointed, you, ****** in crosshairs, your own graven idol image having found out what you don’t want to know, having found out what you don’t want to find out find myself weeping, fists holding my head, communing with floorboards oak hardened, groaning acknowledging, this, this, THIS*** *this discovering, uncovering, this is why I write, this is why I dare not write anymore!* 12/13/2019 ~~~~~ postscript Friday the 13th, 3/26 ~~~~~~~ or why I cannot stop…
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