DING **** MY KIDNAPPER IS DEAD, THAT IS WHY I ALLOWED TED BUNDY

TO TAKE ME YEAH, I WANTED TO KIDNAP MY KIDNAPPER

HOPING THE SPIRIT WORLD CAN **** MY KIDNAPPER, OH YEAH

I KNOW IT’S ****** HARD, CAUSE, THE SCHITZOPHRENIA, WAS GIVING ME THE ****** YRGE

I FOUND IT HARD TO RID THE URGE, SO I MADE TED BUNDY’S GHOST TIE ME UP

BUT THIS MADE ME FIGHT MY FATHER, AND FORCE ME ON MEDICATION

WHICH MADE THE NICEST MAN, BUT MY KIDNAPPER KEPT COMING BACK

DING **** I WANTED MY KIDNAPPER DEAD, I KNOW I ANNOYED A LOT OF PEOPLE

TRYING TO GRAB THEM OH YEAH

I GRABBED A FEW SCHOOL MATES, AND THAT IS WHY I WAS TREATED LIKE A YEAH MATE YEAH KID

I WANT TO GET REOFORMED, BUT A VOICE SAID, NO YOUR NOR REFORMED

AND I WORKED AT THE RAINBOW, HELPING THE MENTALLY ILL

AND I FELT LIKE A HAPPY CHIRPY COOL KID GOING TO THE BEACH AND BUSHWALKING

AND WORKING IN THE RAINBOW KITCHEN, AND NOBODY WANTED TO TEASE ME

CAUSE I HELPED TO GIVE THEM A MEAL, I WAS A COOL KID, AND VERY VERY CHIRPY

AND THEN IN 2002, I FELT REALLY CRAZY, THE PARANORMAL SHOVING VOICES IN MY HEAD

WHICH WAS, I WAS THE KID, KILLED BY THE ******, THE AMERICAN ****** KILLED A KID

BUT I SAID I DREAMT IN THE REAL WORLD, SAYING THE KID HE KILLED WAS ME

I STOOD MY LITTLE KIDNAPPING KID, OUT ON THE LONESOME, THE ****** KILLED MY CRAZY KIDNAPPER

I AM NOT GAY, I RESPECT GAYS, BUT I AM NOT GAY

I AM NOT A PHEDAPHILE, HAVING *** WITH KIDS IS REPULSIVE

I AM NOT A CUDDLING KOOMARRI MAN, CAUSE THEY GET KILLED, I LIKE TO SAY THAT AT LEAST GAYS, HAVE A REASON

THE KOOMARRIS, ARE TOTALLY GEEKY, AS THEY CUDDLE UP TO YA

I AM NOT GAY, HE SAID, I JUST LIKE TO CUDDLE MEN, NOT THAT THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG WITH GAYS

I AM NOT GAY, I MADE MY CHOICE, TO BE A ******

LIKE A ******, WHO PARTIES ALL THE FUCKEN TIME, LIKE A ****** BABY YEAH

PARTY WITH ME, AND YOU AS WELL YO DUDE

BUT TED BUNDY, ISN’T HASSLING ME NO MORE, I AGREED TO **** MY HOOLIGAN WHO GRABS KIDS

AND IN JUP[ITER, I AM PREPARED TO SUFFER, FOR EVERY KID, AS CRONUS DOES DO

TED BUNDY NOW HAS ME ******* TO THE LAMP POST ON JUPITER

I PREFER THIS, RATHER THAN CUDDLING ******* KOOMARRI MEN

PRESUMING THAT I AM GAY, I AM STRAIGHT, MY PROBLEMS WERE WATCHING REALLY BAD KIDNAPPING ON TV

AND MY LAST TWO LIVES KIDNAPPED AND KILLED AT AGE 8 GREAME THORNE ANDS PATRICK DUNBAR

I HAVE KILLED MY KIDNAPPER AND LEFT MY LITTLE DADDY’S SHY BOY WITH DAD, ON CLOUD 9

SO I CAN ENJOY BATTLING THE YOU AND YOUR BROTHER AREN’T LIKE US VOICE

BY DRINKING A BOTTLE OF COKE, I AM A COMPUTER **** KID

I WANT TO LOSE PAT’S VOICE, BUT WE HAD FUN TOGETHER

I WANT TO LOSE HIS VOICE, BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO HEAR THESE DELLUSIONS

OF HIM BEING A TEASING GAY MAN, CAUSE YOU HAVE TO BE CAREFUL TO TEASE NORMIES

THE WAY I USED TO TEASE THE MEN, WHETHER YOUR GAY OR NOT

PEOPLE PRESUME THAT YOUR GAY, AND PUNCH AND **** YOU

BULLYING LEADS TO KILLING, BRIAN ALLAN DOESN’T WANT TO BE KILLED

SO HE PREFERS TO GET RID OF HIS SHY BOY THE BRIAN ALLAN WAY

CAUSE I HATE, THE IDEA IN HINDSIGHT OF BEING A LITTLE YOUNG DUDE LIKE THAT

IT WAS ALRIGHT WHEN I WAS YOUNG, WELL CRAWLING THROUGH DRAINPIPES

AND RIDING OUR BIKES, AND PARTYING IN CLUBS WAS COOL

BUT THE KIDNAPPING OR THE GAY ACTIVITY, REALLY AIN’T FOR ME

I AM STILL DOING WHAT I USED TO DO, THE IMAGINATION BIT

ART AND DRAWING, I WANT TO KIL MY KIDNAPPER AND HAVE TED BUNDY TIE HIM UP ON JUPITER

AQND LEAVE MY DADDY’S LITTLE SHY BOY AS I SAID ON CLOUD 9 WITH DAD

WE HAVE TO STAND ON OUR OWN TWO FEET

OH YEAH MY, HEART IS A PUMPING, AND MY LEGS ARE FIT

I WANNA STAND ON MY OWN TWO FEET

I DON’T CARE WHAT MY VOICES SAY

I PREFER FOR MY VOICES TO SAY BE AN ARTIST, BE A WRITER, BE A YOUTUBE PARTNER, BE A BUDDHIST

I DON’T WANT TO HAVE ANY PART OF MY DADDY’S LITTLE SHY BOY IN ME, EVER AGAIN

MEDICATION, REINCARNATION, I AM COOL, HOW ABOUT A LITTLE CELEBRATION

STOP THE CALLING ME WOOSEY, IN MY HEAD, CAUSE, IT’S FUCKEN DOWNGRADING YOU BIG *******

I FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE AROUND GAYS, DOESN’T MEAN I HATE THEM, I HATE BEING TOLD I AM STILL GAY

******* ****, *******, I AM NOT GAY

DING **** MY KIDNAPPER IS DEAD AND MY LITTLE SHY BOY IS UP THERE WITH DEAR OLD DAD

I AM A MAN WHO ENJOYS PARTYING, YEAH MATE YEAH, I AM NO ****

you see before i moved to canberra i moved to woodberry, woodberry, a place where

if you have a mental illness you are declared CRAZY, you see i was hearing voices

when my brother was joking around with me, the voices were saying, your a **** and your crazy

you don’t belong in this world, i know i belong in this world, i love life so much, but all the time

i was hearing voices saying you are a yeah mate yeah kid buddy, ya know a nerd, and you don’t belong

anywhere on earth, it was a crazy country town, you see i remember getting a taxi to school, getting bullied

in the taxi, which made the voices go completely crazy, dad kept on saying don’t be shy brian, i never liked that

but in hindsight, he was trying to get me to have fun, you see i used to in sort of a way never telling lies

oh well, that all changed when i moved to canberra, but i needed a way to calm the voices, of we don’t like you

you don’t belong in this world, i know i belong in this world, i am a lover of life, you see i remember hearing that

same bully say to my brother kidnap yourself buddy, cause you realise you are from that family, he just wished

i was aware, but all my life i have been hearing voices, maybe it was me pooling my pants, i don’t do that anymore

you see, what i don’t understand, why can’t people respect me when i say i am a nice guy, and that is what lately people can’t

respect that i wanna move on, i have had more teasing than anyone, i need a break, but as soon as i moved to canberra

the voices left my head, but when they gave me wee and locked me in the storeroom, oh well, the voices started up again

and every time i got teased by anyone, a voice came into my head saying, i might kidnap in a minute, i remember a voice saying

i am going to bash you up, i hated every negative voice that cam into my head, my mum and dad liked how i never told lies but

i needed to get on with my brother, so i played with him, but what i didn’t understand was dad was suffering with my constant yelling

and he probably went to his grave thinking what he was doing back then was wrong for me, i am reformed now, and i am on medication

there are voices in my head saying, take brian’s pension away from him he’s not like me, i said as a joke, and give me superannuation

but i at that stage, very much of a ******, i hate this other voice saying, you are the only one who is getting hassled, i never hassled

anyone like these voices are hassling me, i understand paul berenyi if he is dead hassling, because i was staring at him, i used to stare

at everyone, but i am trying to get reformed, i used to stare at my family as well, and that is why dad lost his cool, saying i don’t want to be cool, how weird is that

you see, i hated being treated like a man to a tease, because it was ******* me, i was starting to think that these voices were just voices, but outside the

charnwood inn some dude grabbed me, i struggled and ran up the stairs, you see when daniel pederson died he got inside my head to make me a big man

too uncoil for his family, but i don’t really like being a big man or a big young dude or a big kid or a different person, you see when i was at school i said

i was different, but that was just school talk, it’s hard being treated like a different person, like tonight, i was walking over to the sink to do the washing up

and i felt fatigued and i felt fatigued when i bought the garbage out and the voices were saying, you are easy to tease, i don’t want to be easy meat

i want to reform my brain enough, you see there is a movie group i went to as well as a writing group but i can’t socialise because of the buses and

my blasted voices, there was this other voice saying as i said, i want to be normal, the voice would say be like us then, i don’t want to be treated like my brother anymore

i am like one person and that is brian allan,

No you are still a young dude, even though


My stupid old mate from school, always treats me like a young dude
Even if he knows I will prefer to be a cool kid to the adults
And I mean the mature adults, because the young dudes he means
Are too immature for me, I know I am a man, and I ain!t too shy to be a man
And my friend needs to fucken get a life
Because screams out of his house saying, no your still a little young dude, man
Your not a cool kid anymore, man, blah blah blah blah
This drives me c r a z y, because I am in my 40s I am not young
I am a middle-ager who loves life, and I mean real life
Not this crazy life you see at the local malls
My friend from school is sitting there saying over and over again
Your still a young dude, mate, and he says that 100 times
Your still a young dude, your still a young dude, your still a young dude
FUCKEN SHUT UP, I want to be together, and not sit at the mall
Seeing this spontaneous atmosphere, structure works better
If you are structured, your mind is better, and my old school friend says
Be a little young dude, be a little young Dude, be a little young dude
I am a man, and I want people to be normal, not fake normal
Treating me like a shy person coming through
Cause I ain't a shy person, so mate, while your sitting there saying
I am still a little young dude, think about me, I am a real man
A creative man,  don't drink, I don't smoke, and I don't do spur of the moment ****
So stop saying your still a little young dude, aren't young, I am a man
******* and leave me the **** alone, I ain't young anymore
You are driving me crazy trying to keep saying i am a little young dude
And when I go out and be a cool kid, he will say, 'laughing'
Yeah come on and try and be a cool kid to the families, come on
You see mate, you are shy, and the only way you are like us
Is if you watch me, and that is the only way, you aren't a normal man
So now mate, you are a little young dude, and then my school friend
Says to the townsfolk, don't be his kind of cool, cause he is still a young dude
And he will say after that, hang on and them say after I don't respond
No your a little young dude, and when my father yells our get ****** mate
And then he pushes his mouth side to side, thinking oh a little kid, he is
And then this friend says get ****** me, moving his mouth side to side saying the same
Then when i go out, he will say, no, your not like us, buddy, no your not like us anymore buddy, you are still a little young dude, oh baby, yes, you are still a little young dude, who
Really hasn't a pressure in the world, then I get up and work in the house
Or I will go and do something that is part of life, he will say no, don't muck with him
Anymore townsfolk, cause he is still a little young dude, yeah still a little young dude
And when I look at him, he will look at me and smile, to me I saw the little shy boy thing
As he is treating me like a cool person, cause I don't know what cool is
But really he is trying to stop me from being a creative person, and them I look
Around, he says, no, buddy, your still a little young dude, b. u. d.  d.   y
Your too shy to be like us, buddy, and I said, I am a man, because
He is the one who is too shy, cause he has no fucken class, dudes
You see if ignore him, my mind is full of the old men trying to call me a coward
And when they can't get it through to me, the young men will call me a ****
And I went around saying, I am not a little baby shy boy, you guys aren't like us, man
Then my friend says, no, your still a little young dude, man
You are too shy to be like us, buddy, your still a little young dude,,buddy
It's enough to drive you to drink and I did, at that moment I was so *******
At him saying to me, your still a little young dude buddy, I drank myself stupid
And it didn't fucken stop, my school friend sat there in his house
On the other side of the town, sat there smiling, saying, your a little young dude buddy
And then let out a very big smile, and your still a little young dude, your
In an imaginery little world, too afraid of the real world
I sit and think about it, what is the real world anyway, there is no real world
It's a world which is part imaginery and part real
And as long as you balance it well, you'll be so cool
But, at this moment in time, I ain't a young dude, I am a middle aged man with
A heart of gold, and when I go out, I see two kids playing at the shops
And then they leave, and they both say, your still a little young dude
And I say, no, dudes, I am a real real man, with a heart of steel
I don't get a license, cause for me, it's so unreal
The force is trying to give me cancer, but,no kind sir
I am too smart for that, uh
Then my friend came up to me and said, you are still a little young dude with no friends
Whose a little young dude with no friends, your a little young dude with no friends
Then you go to the local shops and you see kids hassling his their dad
For money to buy sweets, the father doesn't want to, he wants to be together
Cause that way, he will wonder whether, he wants to stay with his kids
Or does his kids act like little wimps,
And in the background, his friend says this, listen everyone as a young dude will say
Everyone he is a little young dude guys sure mate
And then he lifts up his leg and shows them off to his friend
And then says your still a little young dude, don't try and be like us
You see dude, the real world is so tough, so stay inside being a little young dude, ******
After about 5 minutes of trying to push everyone together
He will put his foot down on the floor, your still a young dude, don't try and be like us
Your not a cool kid, or a cool man, and I said no, *******, I am a man
Your are just mucking with the men, ya stupid ****
Then he will put his foot on the floor and say again, your still a little young dude
You are too shy to be like us, buddy boy
I told him I am a man, I go on holidays and I work and I try to find something around town
Cool to hang around and be civilized, but I aren't a little young dude, mate, I am a big man
Then my friend said, no you are a little young dude, buddy
And before I say I am a man, another person says that there a man
And then says, no your a little young dude buddy, what's your fucken problem
You stupid little ******* monkey, you and your friend ain't like us
Let's muck with these two losers and treat them both like people we want to muck with
And my friend got really hyped up over it, and said, that I am a little young dude
And then I told him that I ain't a young dude anymore, but he said, yes you are
You are a young dude, and I told my friend to leave me the **** alone
I don't want to be a young dude, I want to be a man, who wants to be together
You are keeping me with you, no I don't want to be a little young dude
I am not shy, I know the shopping centres have heaps of hustle and bustle
And I know that everyone will move down the coast if it was cheap
And I also know that it has to be expensive because it's the only way they will make money
I know that the labor party helps the poor while liberals help their poor wallets
I don't want to stay down with this crazy friend who keeps stomping his foot down on
The floor and says your still a young dude, your not like us, he says with a really wingey voice, and he does that for about 15 minutes and the men say, leave him alone mate, he is not a man, he is still a little young dude, buddy boy, he will never be a young dude again
While you are thinking that, he sits in his house saying good mate, be a young dude
But then he will stomp his foot right on the ground, and say, your still a young dude
You see, I don't want him to treat me like a brother, cause I don't **** people off
I don't need people to treat me like a shy boy who knows nothing
And then he says to me, no your still a little young dude, mate
And I go f......u......c.........k, leave me alone mate, I am not young anymore,  nobody his ******* with me, so shut it

The cows graze in their pasture
Subservient to their master
Who doesn’t move faster
To help avoid disaster
So the cows are on their own
To deal with snow
Those all alone
Completely froze
Yet those who know
To use the warm glow
Of company that showed
Survive temperature lows

The cows used to solitary grazing
Now begin embracing
To fight cold air they’re facing
That is life erasing
While frost is lacing
The grass once worth tasting

The winter refuses to yield
As snow builds in the fields
The cows’ cohesion is revealed
As they protect their veal
And forget to steal
To connect and heal
During this ordeal

In times of inclement weather
The cows huddle together
Like someone pulled a lever
That won’t stay locked forever
So eventually ties are severed

As summer comes
The dumber numb
Thinking they won
Soaking up sun
Knowing winter is done
They divide into ones

A flow line
Of the bovine
Slow grind
Shows flies
Grow wise
With no size
They devise
To go for eyes
Cows go blind
In their mind
And cannot find
Their herd in time

Pretty soon the irritating fleas
Give them mad cow disease
As they don’t look to please
But put the good on their knees
While they’re hiding in trees
And biting with absolute ease
Seeing the absence of immunities
From their lack of community

The lost independent
Weather defendants
Become repentant
When they hear encroaching
Thunder clouds approaching
The cows become hectic
From a storm electric
Their formation eclectic
So they feel unprotected
But a fence was erected
So they can’t join the dejected
And this lonely life they elected
Is sadly reflected

The lasso angler
Hassling wranglers
Unmasked as stranglers
Bring the herd together
As they pull a lever
That’ll stay locked forever
As the cows’ heads are severed
And the horns in their head
Stick around once they’re dead
As we eat what they were fed
While they made their own bed

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the life of patrick youngspeer


young patrick youngspeer, is a very nice kid, but in one year he lost his dad

and that made him devastated and patrick was so determined to keep his dads

spirit alive, he went on a trip all over outer space, but the problem was his dad

didn’t want this, and held his mouth saying to patrick, don’t do what you used to do, buddy

because i really hate being known as the old digger of the block, i hated being called the

great big old fogie, just to protect my son patrick, but patrick who was so devious and cunning,

like a little kid at as pre school, and patrick’s dad was really worried, he went down to try and find

where his next life will be, but patrick wesn’t sure he wanted his father to move on, oh well, he wanted him

to reincarnate, bur not move on, oh well, maybe move on, but patrick wants to meet his father’s next life

one of these days, but mr youngspeer hated the idea of meeting his first born son patrick more often than the others

but patrick wasn’t getting what he wants, so on the street, patrick youngspeer, yelled to his schizophrenic paranormal voices

****** oathe i am a cool kid, your a yeah mate yeah kid, cool kids do, what i do, yeah, only yeah mate yeah kids do what you do, yeah

and mr youngster said, nobody’s teasing you patrick, so why are you worried, and patrick said, they are trying to take my beliefs away

when i am powerful enough to reincarnate people from death to new life, but mr youngspeer said, no, i need to reform him, because he is

looking at the meat on the kids legs, on the youtube clips, but patrick said, i am not, i am keeping up to date with dead members of my family

i am not taking this further, i know it sounds weird, but just to christians points of view, and patrick, who is a nasty writer, and over half of his

pieces of writing, were rubbishing christians, one online dude on writers cafe, over the internet said, patrick should stop hassling christians

because it is a lovely religion, but despite patrick apologising to this lady, and the fact that patrick not meaning it,she told patrick that he was a

very nice person, and patrick went on to write songs and stories and after his mother went on a holiday to visit her sister josephine, who was a

healthy person, never smoked, never really did drugs, was diagnosed with lung cancer and patrick felt bad for his aunty josephine,he decided

to write a little poem for her

my aunty jo, my aunty jo

i really feel for you aunty jo

you don’t deserve what god brought to you

i really feel for you aunty jo

i might be a tad naughty and led you astray

i might have never given you a chrissy card today

but i care for you, oh my aunty jo

i care for you a lot, my aunty, yeah

i don’t want to see you die, jo, i thought you were too healthy

i know that you could beat this, so i will pray for you, yeah

i will pray for the powers of athena will come down and whisk and whisk and really

really whisk your lung cancer, away

you see i know yiou have grandchildren, who don’t want to see you go, love

you see, though i don’t want her to suffer but i don’t want us too either

please save my aunty jo, from this awful cancer shock

i want you to cure my aunty jo, miss athena, please save her now

she is too nice to die, the world ain’t ready to lose my aunty jo mate, no, athena please cure her now

please save my dear aunty jo

and as patrick was finishing  his poem, his father brought to planets together to make sure aunty jo will be alright, by releasing athena’s magic

and he did this with patrick youngspeers help, you see what a fabulous team we have trying to keep the family alive, but the only way mr youngspeer

will help his son like this, is to be dead but now his dad is dead, patrick is helping with his spiritual healing, and patrick said, drink plenty of coke, (party juice)

to save the workl, yet again, eventually mr youngspeer said, i don’t care if you don’t work, help people with me, because nobody really cared for you, nobody cares

unless you converted to christinailty, patrick said, don’t **** me into your christian ways, you fucken christians, i am your cosmic friend, but this christian said

i want to go up to outer space to help my father, patrick said, we are not ready to see the back of you yet aunty jo, and mr youngspeer said, no patrick, we ain’t

ready to see you go, no way, you see my pal, patrick youngspeer is based on my life

The material objects
Shaped like global projects
Not for manufacturing
But for hassling and crackling
Like lightning and spiking
The mind with a nail
That flies through the air
As the red runs through hair
It leaks unto the face and reeks
As it's covered with white sheets
Pray deep, and live sweet
No way you'll get over this
The ship is sailing, and leaving a blip
Isn't what's written in the script
Criminals are staring licking lips
Even if the mind remains infinite
The body is super finite and timid
Primitive is a definitive
Description of the gifts
And the derivative flows
From the mouth of gold and souls
Which were sold and outgrown
But kept in a small room
Without a bit of sun to groom
The seed which needs to feed
On the principles of the weak
Desperation within these times
Lead me to be confined between
The power of the lack of minds

The flights are so carefully and unanimously chartered
In the end it's the poor and uninformed who are martyred
Nothing but cattle to be led towards the slaughter
The carvers are waving their hands as they swarm us

All I hear are screams
Passing through the dreams
Into the realms of the sickening
Men dribbling magazines
Into darkened hands and things
While straddling the fencing
Their hands start shaking
As the body follows quaking
Falling from the shrieking
Of the thunderous blows
Impacting the whole globe
Earthquakes, hurricanes, and snow
Blizzards leaving us as gizzards
Our sons are molesters and
Our daughters are strippers
Wondering where this'll get us?
Further from the better
Deeper into comas and
Commas can't break the fact
That we're under attack
From those whom hold a badge
And those whom hold a strap
Underarm wishing due harm
Pressing onto triggers
While avoiding the alarms
Silent killers voicing their opinions
As fortune tellers hold their charms
Wailing "you're too close to sun"
As the youth run to grab their guns

The flights are so carefully and unanimously chartered
In the end it's the poor and uninformed who are martyred
Nothing but cattle to be led towards the slaughter
The carvers are waving their hands as they swarm us

Insanity is what's referred to as
The common suffering man
Media wants you to cram
Misinformation into your head
With dread you step and
Inch into the abyss
Never to remiss on the strips
Of truth locked in consciousness
The involuntary thought processes
Destruct free will in segments
From 60 minutes to 30 seconds
Intentions are clandestine
Yet you feel you're destined
To earn respect when they'll spit
On your grave, after they dissect
And get off on the fact
That they ripped away your mask
And put you off track because
They feared the soul you had
You want to have it back
But they're not having that
The suits in the dark rooms
Would rather mentally doom
The fool, and save bullets for troops
To shoot, tracing blood under boots
The plan is so smooth
Because you play by their rules
From fast cars to ****** jewels
The thorny crown is on you

hi dudes




i am enjoying watching neighbours at the moment because it teaches that people don’t trust

anyone who ever messes with kids, yeah, i dealt with it, i didn’t know it at the time but i dealt with it

at the time i thought they were rich ****** but i have to be careful as i can’t seem to get past this

i am just in the same boat as steph, you see she was worried about losing her son, and me, i wanted

to be with the cool kids down the mall, now, dudes, i haven’t caused many problems lately and i am ready

for and nonsense teasingt, i think that neighbours is being thorough in showing how people who hassles

children get treated, once a man looked at me weird just for sitting next to his daughter and he said mate

kids are innocent and then said i know all about ya, it taught i will never be a father or family man and people

tell me to stop looking at their babies, with the words, get ya fucken eyes off my baby, when i ain’t looking at their

fucken baby, young teenagers tell me to stop staring, but they just don’t want me staring, i don’t think they knew me

but steph is being tortured in her mind by situations that make her crazy, especially when you can’t change the past

and steph, as well as me, should be left alone to get better, you see what these people who tease you don’t realise

is, steph as well as me are dealing with, finding it hard to get past their past, especially when i was being teased like

being given wee, nobody wanted to party in nightclubs with me, or a goofy friend with anger management issues,

you see i am never going to have kids

nobody wants me because i am ugly and they can’t trust me

it’s worst for steph cause her issues with kids were close to her

you see i got grabbed outside the charnwood inn and i ran through civic saying FUCKEN STOP HASSLING ME

steph is feeling the same way, but she hears green sleeves, over and over and dudes, she is getting teased by a ****

yeah you heard me right, A BIG RICH ****, she got a phone call saying it was charlie, but it appears not, and then

another woman who is also is a BIG RICH ****, had a son Charlie, and she said she wanted the extra and then

she came back and said she never asked for it, and there was no Charlie, and yes, she was a BIG RICH ****, don’t ever

think that kind of teasing is cool, because it ain’t, remember what hannah montana said, everybody makes mistakes

everybody has those days, and NOBODY’S PERFECT,   you see i would like to see steph do a bit of buddhist positive suffering

to show the world, how many problems the mentally ill deal with each today, if she loses her job, who cares, it teaches the crowd that

mentally ill people are just getting treated like hobos, you see, ya know, no matter what i did, people do many worst  things than me

like armed robberies, and some people **** kids, me or steph never killed them, you see if we saw steph suffer a bit on the show

it teaches the world how awful people who have a mental problem and a past have to deal with it, you see my writing is good

still mentally ill, my art is talented, still mentally ill, i get reviews i don’t like i a man said i was ******* but i think my shows are cool

and i have a very chronic mental illness, perhaps i have to wait till my next life to get jobs or have fun with kids, oh well,

but i am grateful to channel 10 are using steph to show how mentally ill people suffer

i know what i did, but i am doing art and theatre go to poetry slams do shows on youtube

go to the christmas carols watching parades on youtube, and i helped mentally ill people have a meal when the BIG RICH *****

have forgotten about or teasing, you see the country we live in don’t give a flying **** about the mentally ill, the teasers start the problems

of the person by doing a harmless little tease, only to BIG FAT RICH *****, steph from neighbours is the mentally ill’s skate goat

my advice to you, don’t go to people’s homes  all it might send your voices going haywire, i am happy that channel 10 is using steph

to show the world what mentally ill people are going through, and instead of seeing steph go back to the psych ward, how about

the world gives her a case manager and loads of activites like bowling and golf, they do it on the family sitcoms, i just am so tired of

channell 10 are so blind when it comes to mental illness, the mentally ill need community care on the show neighbours, ok

ANYTHING FOR A HOME




THE GOVERNMENTS DON’T CARE FOR THE MENTALLY ILL

THEY DON’T GIVE A ****

YA SEE THIS HOMELESS MENTALLY ILL MAN WAS CAMPING ILLEGALLY

CAUSE HE HAS NO HOME TO GO TO

I THINK IT’S WRONG, WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TOO

SEEING ONE OF THE POOOR AND SUFFERING

GET INTO TROUBLE FOR ILLEGAL CAMPING


UMMMMMMMMMM MAKE THIS POLICE MAN LEARN UMMMMMMMMM

THAT DISCIPLINE LIKE THIS IS WRONG UMMMMMMM PLEASE

INSTEAD OF ARRESTING THEM, GIVE THIS GUY A HOME WITH ROUND THE CLOCK CARE


UMMMMMMMM SO NO PERSON CAN NICK HIS STUFF


UMMMMMMMMM HE SUFFERS MORE THAN THE COPS


UMMMMMMMMM  HE NEEDED TO BE LOOKED AFTER MORE

UMMMMMMMMM  HE DIDN’T DESERVE TO DIE



UMMMMMMMMM   THESE POLICE MEN WERE JUST DOING THEIR JOB, WELL YEAH MATE UMMMMMMMMMM

UMMMMMMMMMM HE HAD NOWHERE LEFT TO GO, UMMMMMMMMM I LIKE MENTAL PEOPLE UMMMMMM


THEY MIGHT LOOK DIFFERENT, UMMMMMMMM THEY ARE ALRIGHT AND FUNNY


UMMMMMMMMMM HE NEEDED TO BE CRIVEN TO A HOME FOR THE HOMELESS

UMMMMMMMMMMM RATHER THAN SHOT, NO THERE IS NO EXCUSE, FOR POLICE DOING THIS

UMMMMMMMMMMM THEY ARE HASSLING THE MENTALLY ILL, IT’S SO WRONG UMMMMMMMM

UMMMMMMMMMMM, I DON’T WANT TO SAY THINGS OUT OF TURN, BUT UMMMMMMM THESE POLICEMEN WERE IN THE WRONG

UMMMMMMMMMMM  THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR KILLING IN EVERY STRETCH OF THE IMAGINATION

UMMMMMMMMMMM IF HE REALLY CARES, THEY WOULDN’T HAVE SHOT HIM DEAD

UMMMMMMMMMMMM SORRY IF I AM TOO HARSH, BUT BUDDHA SAYS KILLING IS WRONG, UMMMMMMMMMM

UMMMMMMMMMMMM NO, BUDDHA, ATHENA, AND CRONUS, WHO IS ME, DOESN’T EXCEPT THIS

UMMMMMMMMMMMM GIVE THIS HOMELESS MAN A MICROPHONE, ON SATURN SO HE CAN RAT OFF THE POLICE THAT KILLED HIM

UMMMMMMMMMMMMM  SOMETIMES IT’S GOOD TO BE HARSH, UMMMMMMMMM IF YOU SEE THE KILLING OF THE HOMELESS


UMMMMMMMMMMMM IT’S JUST NOT ON, BUDDY, IT’S JUST NOT ON UMMMMMMMM UMMMMMMM UMMMMMMM UMMMMMM

I HOPE THE POLICE AREN’T PROUD OF WHAT THEY DID, IT’S WRONG TO ****, THE MENTALLY ILL

UMMMMMMMMMMM  DISPITE WHAT YOUR REASONS MAYBE UMMMMMMMMM I AM TOO NICE, FOR BEING A FIGHTER

UMMMMMMMMMMMM BUT THIS ******, CHILLS ME TO THE SPINE UMMMMMMMM UMMMMMMMM UMMMMMMMMM

UMMMMMMMMMMM PLEASE, GIVE THIS MENTALLY ILL HOMELESS MAN A PERFECT FAMILY IN HIS NEXT LIFE

UMMMMMMMMMMM IF THERE IS ANY SUCH THING AS A PERFECT FAMILY

UMMMMMMMMMMM LET THIS DEATH, MAKE THESE POLICEMEN SQUIRM LIKE I DID, BUT I NEVER KILLED NOBODY

UMMMMMMMMMMM  HOMELESS, HOMELESS HOMELESS, I SAID IT 3 TIMES, TO STATE THE REASON WHY HE WAS CAMPING

UMMMMMMMMMMM IT’S BECAUSE HE WAS SUFFERING, HE WAS HOMELESS, HE WAS HOMELESS HE WAS HOMELESS UMMMMMMM


UMMMMMMMMMMM UMMMMMMMMMMM UMMMMMMMMMMM KILLING SHOULD BE WRONG UMMMMMMMM PEOPLE SHOULD BE GIVEN PROPER GUN TRAINING

UMMMMMMMM IT’S WRONG TO ****, IT’SC WRONG TO **** UMMMMMMMMM UMMMMMMMMM UMMMMMMMM UMMMMMMMMM

bzzz bzzz goes the cell phone
               ****
it reads
My reply

Shush, we're not talking
about you. Movie n wine
at home later? Maybe
jacuzzi?

bzzz
               Mmm ill call u love. Im
               tired and cant be out late.
               I have work 8am to 7pm :\
wow, ain't that lame
to which I say

:-\ ok

a few minutes later on
and I text again

I love you. Im sorry for
being sulky. I just miss
you and really just want
to see you.

there it goes again
               I miss you too i love you
               so effing much

:-( only 2 days but its felt
like an eternity

               Agreed
and then poetry
gets the better of me

My love. You leave me an
empty vessel when you
are away. A ship without
sails. The sun without a
sky.

Her reply comes
               Hunny :)
followed up quick
               Im going to make this an
               early night
Ouch that hurts
Caught me off guard
Do I be sad?
Or do I be smooth?

I cant even talk you into a
quick yogurt session? Ill
drive. Just there and back.

my phone rattles back
               Im grumpy tired and
               waking up early lovebaby
shoot quick

And I can put you to bed
w a smile on your face :)

               Be a little more specific
               :)
oh god
and here comes the barage

A back rub, a massage. A
head rub, a hug. A kiss, a
squeeze. Lets just say
that this lil finger went to
market.
And as Ive said, I just
want to see my baby. So I
apologize if Im being
pushy. Ive missed you
more that ever this last
day.

               Hehe lovebaby *** youre
               adorable

Adorable enough to get
you to agree to a quick
trip to yogurt or
something? Pretty please
w a cherry on top?

               Youre.sweet and tempting
               like.a cherry :) lovebaby
               lets watch the snow fall
               one day

Well then have a lil taste
of the cherry. It promises
to have you home by
11:45 :-)

               Gah golly u make this
               hard
And here it goes
full blown
oh god
oh no

Say yes and it wont be
hard. Say yes and know
you made me the
happiest boy ever. Say
yes and know you get to see
your love. Say yes and
know that my eyes will
twinkle like your own
personal stars tonite. I
miss you :-(

               Jack. I love you
One more desperation push

I love you too baby.
What have you got to
lose? And Im sorry Im
hassling you. I really
really miss you.

and then the minutes drag on
a few and then ten
maybe a few more and

Im sorry, Ill stop. I hope
you have a good nite.
Sleep well love. I miss
you.

and then
there it is
               I love you

I love you too baby. Im
sorry for being crazy.

and time stretches on
the beats grow long
and in reply*
               Ill call u whn im home

MY HOOLIGAN IS READY TO BE LAID TO REST



YOU SEE, I TOLD YOU ONE DAY, THAT I USED TO FANTAISIZE ABOUT

TAKING A KID, BECAUSE, I LIKED THE LOOK OF THEIR MOO COWS ON FRONT KNEE

AND THE SHIPS ON THE BACK KNEE, AND I USED TO GO OUT AND GRAB THE KIDS

YA KNOW SCARING THEM, AT THE MALL, AND I CAME UP TO A FORT, IN LAKE GINNINDERRS

AND SCARED SOME KIDS INTO THINKING, I WAS GOING TO KIDNAP THEM, AND I WAS GOING TO THE

TOILET TO WAIT FOR A KID, AND I MIGHT HAVE ONCE BEEN KNOWN AS A PHEDAPHILE TO PEOPLE

BUT I AM REFORMED, NOW, YOU SEE, I USED TO FANTASIZE, ABOUT TYING THEIR MOO COW AND SHIPS

AND SQUASHING THEM TO THE GROUND, I WAS MENTAL, AND REALLY, I HATE THESE VOICES TRYING FOR

ME TO KEEP THESE THOUGHTS IN MY HEAD, I WAS A REAL MEAN DUDE, I WALKED AROUND SCARING KIDS,

MY ADULT DIDN’T WANT TO DO THIS, MY KID DIDN’T WANT TO EITHER, AND BECAUSE I COULDN’T HANDLE DAD’S

DISCIPLINE PATTERN, IT WASN’T HIS FAULT, BUT HE KNEW NOTHING ABOUT THIS, I HEARD THIS VOICE SAYING

DON’T EVEN TRY TO MESS WITH BIG BAD BRIAN, HE’S NOT LIKE US, NO WAY, NO FEAR, ONE KID, SAID I WAS ONE OF THEIR MOB

AND DAD THOUGHT I WAS NICE, CAUSE BACK THEN I WAS A COWARD, WHO NEEDED HELP TO GET WHAT I WANT IN LIFE,

YOU SEE I GRABBED THESE KIDS, BECAUSE, OF MY LAST TWO LIVES TRAGICALLY TAKEN AT AGE 8, AND THE KIDS

WHO KILLED MY LAST LIFE AFTER GREAME THORNE, WHICH WAS A CAT, WHERE I WAS RUN OVER BY A SCOOTER

I WAS GRABBING KIDS EVERYWHERE, I FELT A REAL BUZZ BY DOING THAT, YOU SEE I GOT AN ERECTED ****

FROM IT, I WANT YOU TO KNOW, THIS COULD EFFECT ME HELPING PEOPLE IN THE FUTURE, BUT AS I REMEMBER

WALKING AROUND THE TOILETS WITH ROPE AND GRABBING KIDS AND THIS MADE THEIR PARENTS MAD, I DIDN’T AND

STILL DON’T KNOW, WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED, IF I CARRIED OUT THIS FEAT, MATE, I WANT THIS, WHICH IS MY HOOLIGAN

TO BE LAID TO REST, IT IS WRONG TO DO THIS, I WASN’T GETTING WHAT I WANT OUT OF LIFE, SO I TOOK IT OUT ON THE KIDS

BY HASSLING THEM BY TYING UP THEIR MOO COWS WITH THEIR SHIPS, THEY SCREAMED SAYING AHHHHHHH!, THE CRAZY PERSON

HAS GOT ME, I SAID, YEAH, I AM A CRAZY PERSON, AND YOU ARE COMING WITH ME, SO COME HERE KID, AND WE WILL COOK

YOU ON THE STOVE, AND HAVE FRESH TASTY KID FOR DINNER, I WANT TO BE A KIDNAPPER, NOTHING MORE AND NOTHING LESS

AND EVERY TIME I SAW KIDS ANYWHERE, I WOULD CHASE THEM, YA KNOW FOLLOWING THEM AROUND, MAKING THEM JITTER

ONE KID SAID, TO ME, WHY THE **** ARE YOU FOLLOWING, AND I THINKING IF I LOOK CRAZY, I WILL LOOK LIKE I AM TRYING TO SCARE HIM

BUT REALLY I WAS PLAYING A SMALL GAME WITH THEM, TRYING TO GRAB THEIR MOO COW AND SHIPS, AND TIE THEM UP TOGETHER

AND I WAS HAVING A FIELD DAY, I AM COMMITTING NO CRIME, WELL, THAT IS WHAT I THOUGHT THEN, DAD MIGHT HAVE THOUGHT HEV WAS HELPING

BUT BY TRYING TO HAVE THE LAST WORD, MADE ME FEEL REALLY HYPED UP WITH GRABBING KIDS, I AM NOT BLAMING DAD, ACTUALLY, I AM BLAMING

NOBODY IN HINDSIGHT, IT WAS MY SILLY SCHITZOPHRENIC DELLUSIONS, THAT ARE THE REAL CULPRIT, YOU SEE, THINKING IT’S ALRIGHT TO GRAB OR

SCARE YOUNG CHILDREN, I FEEL MY HOOLIGAN, CREEPING BACK INTO MY BODY, BUT, HE WAS A DELLUSIONAL HOOLIGAN, AND I HATE WHAT THAT HOOLIGAN DID

IT MAKES TED BUNDY A GOOD GUY FOR DYING AND KIDNAPPING ME, BY MAKING ME TIE MYSELF UP, AND FANTASIZING ABOUT TYING BRENDAN UP AND

MAKING BRENDAN HYPE ME UP, BY SHOWING HIS BIG ADULTS KID LEGS, WITH HIS MOTHER AND FATHER, EVEN IF I WENT TO JAIL, FOR A WEEKEND

AND I WENT TO PROBATION HEARINGS FOR 1 YEAR, I LEARNT THAT KIDNAPPING KIDS CAN BE FATAL FOR ME, SO AS I LEFT THE PROBATION FOR THE LAST TIME

I DID MY FAMILY PERSON THING, BY GOING TO GLEBE PARK ALA CARTE, TO LISTEN TO THE MUSIC, BUT I LEARNT, CANBERRA HATED ME FOR THE KIDNAPPING THOUGHTS

AND THIS MADE ME SCARED TO EVER GRAB ANOTHER KID AGAIN, AND MY PARENTS PUT ME ON MEDICATION, AND I AM STILL ON MEDICATION, AND

THE THOUGHTS WERE GOING AWAY, BUT I DID VOLUNTEER WORK AS YOU KNOW, AT THE RAINBOW, COOKING, VACCUMING, AND ALSO CREATIVE WRITING

AND THAT LASTED 3 YEARS, AND MIND YOU, I ALSO DID A BIT OF BUSH WALKING, KOSCIUSKO AND JERVIS BAY, TUMUT AND MANY OTHERS, I WAS A REALLY

POSITIVE PERSON, AND THE PSYCHIATRIST, TRIED TO REDUCE MY MEDICATION, WHICH WAS A MISTAKE, I KILLED MY CAT, THINKING IT WAS THE DINGO THAT

KILLED AZARIA, I DON’T WANT TO BE JUDGED FOR THIS, I WAS SICK AND PLACED ON THE FAT DRUG, THE FAT DRUG, GIVING ME NO ENERGY, SLOWLY KILLING ME

AND GIVING ME NASTY LOOKUPS EVERY TIME I TRIED TO WORK, AND I WORKED AT AINSLIE VILLAGE, AS A HOUSE CLEANER, BUT LOOKING AT MY HOUSE, I WAS LIKE

ANY MAN, DOES A GREAT JOB HOUSE CLEANING FOR OTHERS, AND LETTING HIS OWN HOUSEWORK SLIP, I DON’T WANT TO GET EVICTED, BUT I AM GETTING HELP

IN CLEANING, BY DUO SERVICES, MAYBE OTHER POOR PEOPLE CAN GET THE SAME SERVICES, CAUSE I GET SPRING CLEANS AS WELL, GIVE OTHER PEOPLE A HAND

I GOT FUNDING, BUT WHY CAN’T YA RICH *******, INSTEAD OF COMPLAINING ABOUT POOR PEOPLE’S HOUSES, TRY AND HELP THEM CLEAN IT, DON’T BE RICH *****

BE THEIR FRIENDS, NOW, INSTEAD OF BEING A HOMELESS ***, I AM A WRITER AN ARTIST AND A YOUTUBE ENTERTAINER, I AM DEALING WITH MY VOICES

BUT THE FEAR IS THERE, CAUSE I UPSET A LOT OF DUDES, I AM SORRY, THAT I AM NOT PERFECT, EVERYTHING I DID IN THE PAST, IS IN THE PAST

OK, ONE GOOD THING THAT CAME FROM MY CHILDHOOD, WAS THE D OF E AWARD SCHEME, I GOT BRONZE AND SILVER, AS WELL AS MY MATES GETTING ****** WITH ME

MAKING ME FEEL I WAS A SCHOOLIE, WHETHER THEY WERE JUST BEING NICE OR NOT, I STILL THANK THEM,

OK BYE DUDES

But Why, and whom does it affect?

Where is it, that the actions will reflect?

When will answers show themselves, when concludes the test?

"I've been wondering for too long!" I protest.



Will I reach, a desired level of clarity?

Will the feat, be much more than a dare to me?

...Curiously I spy forward...


My head's an over-animated scoreboard, emphasizing the score of the opponent


Yet.. Today is a new day.

If the chance is taken, isn't there a possibility that I too fall prey?

True, just like the cat that was killed, or so they say.

Maybe it was just a tale of a tail, given from those too scared to change direction.

Those who follow suit now live in a certain detention, without mention, or ever expanding into the next dimension.  

But what if they had taken the next step?

The conclusion of the saying was something I could not accept,

Now using the unknown as fuel, I leapt..

Not knowing if I could make it

My head was perplexed, riddled with anxiety, I didn't know if I could take it!


With a thump,

My eyes opened up,

Revealing a new reality.

I was guided by faith, and truly believe I've touched on a divine sense of spirituality.

I let go of the naysayers and everyone that had tried using hassling methodologies,

Because I took a necessary leap of faith, in order to better me.


If I failed, I would die trying,

but at least with false beliefs I would not be confined.

Before my eyes, a natural goldmine, beauty previously undiscovered.

I had trusted myself and have never felt so full of wealth, now standing in the land of the lovers.

Everything and everyone had a bright and shiny aura, radiating bliss.

Had I known such a place of magnificence exists,

I would've trusted my intuition more, rather than certain people, and came when we were kids!

Alas, in the midst of all this thinking, I don't even want to be blinking my lids,

Because I no longer want to miss any, of *this.

What matters is right here and right now,*

It's seems I've ascended, like I'm on a cloud..

No negativity here, I don't think that it is allowed!

Because this is a new land of possibility

I haven't even moved yet but I'm so glad I didn't retreat!

Then something tickled my legs, right by my feet, looked down and was surprised to see,

A short-haired cat, walking elegantly.  In disbelief I watched it so free, when it popped in my head,

"Are they still talking about me?"

.. Had this cat really just used telepathy??

I wondered if I had been living a dream, and then the cat turned back and winked at me..

Opening wings with dreams in eyes...
U were chasing the life in the skies,
Cutting the path through clouds...
Hassling around within the crowd,
U melt me to be thyself.

Tracking the light...
You discover the knight,
Breaking the bones of grief...
U choose to feel relief,
As u melt down to be thyself.

Punching the dark shadow...
Glitters help you outglow,
Unlocking the hidden soul...
U scroll through to achieve goal,
As u melt down to be thyself.

Achieving the new bonds..
You rise thyself from the ground,
Bypass the self healing...
Crystalline body is all you feeling,
As u melt down to be thyself.

November is a month
i dread, all the marking...
all the words ..... ideas
clutter up in my head....
all the hopes and ambitions
weigh heavily on my back.

the first day, my birthday
hip hip hooray!!!
then a rushing, pell mell
downward track
of red pens and meetings
going on and on and on

planning, prepping, late night stressing

then, when not at work,
not shirking, just not working
hoping to give the brain a rest
am bombarded...
like i am ******* in cheer
...continual messages of
christmas is near....
coffee and carols,
shopping and angels
harking, harking,
joy to the world, fa al lalala...
Santa queues
truly not an Ebeneezer
but Christmas teasers
in November make me grey
around the gills
fish out of water
lamb to the slaughter

and running on empty,
always empty,
just want one day...
when the world
would stop hassling
and just go away

no end of year parties...
prentending to be hale and hearty
with all sorts of colleagues
and academic smarties
no presentations of budgets..
thinner than last
no we could not fast
this area, to be on line
no it's alright, it will be just fine
while sculling copious amounts
of cheap, cheap, nasty  red wine.
no hangover from said feast...
no,  you be the one to corner the beast.

no more standing with mothers and others
watching children in a god awful christmas play
and clapping and chatting while little bettsy
recieves an award for knitting a sleeve
and george gets one for adding fourhundred and forty

please, please show me the door.....

not to mention hayfever,
daylight savings and more

but all this seems trivial...
when I consider
the blight of my life...
in the stakes of annuity.

the month of November has a great heart
Movember...a charity of moustache art
has an fanatic in my big, bluff,bloke
for a month he curries and cares for the
caterpillar  that grows on his lip...
a fuzzy flecked monstrosity
with the mange and a weird flip.

November a month of avoiding
the succour of contact....
with that thing,
my toes curl now
thinking of it....
tho I try not to react
(after all charity begins at home)
november november
truly you are the ***.

last year he bought
the ****** thing a comb



yet in the end
you are but a month
and it seems I survive you
year after year
thank god for take away meals
and long cold beers....

crushing dabs
like Brits with ****
ragging on the braggarts
for being *******
mastering fascism
like I’m in a classroom  
learning to bridegroom
and lower the boom
eating shrooms
faster than a pig truffling
feathers ruffling
feet shuffling
feeling the scruff again
as I rub my chin
and I begin mashing the rascals
and stashing the raffle wins
like at Bingo hassling
the troll doll queen
bout to bring this to a ring
and sing to all ya’ll songs
of wax and things…..

So many letters I've written you that I will never send
So many words that I have left unsaid
So many times I've tried to explain how much I regret that goodbye
So many calls that you won't answer, no matter how much I try
So many tears i've shed while you've been gone
So many songs I sing about you that you will never hear
So many kisses i've been missing
So many hugs i've been needing
So many hours i've been waiting
So many minutes I could have spent with you
So many thoughts hassling me through the days
So many shots i've been taking
So many memories I can't forget
So many cigarettes I've been smoking
So many regrets
So many hopeless nights
So many sleepless weeks
So many pills to get me up in the mornings and put me to bed at night
So many wishes that weren't granted
So many scratch offs that I lost
So many ways I see differently
So many months that have gone by without seeing your face
So many possibilities that you don't feel this way
So many doubts going through my mind
So many lies on lies on lies
So many confessions of my love for you
So many, but never enough
So many changes i've gone through, but my love never strays
So many people in this world to pick and choose
So many eyes with different perspectives
So many lips with different tastes
So many kinds of love, but I still long for your familiar face

OUR LIKE US, BRIAN, ONE OF US


YOU SEE WHEN I WAS YOUNG I WAS KNOWN AS A LITTLE SHY BOY

WHO TRIED TO LIVE MY LIFE, BUT I FOUND IT HARD, BECAUSE I HAD DELLUSIONS

OF BEING TIED TO A STAKE, AND KILLED, ALL BECAUSE I WAS A TAD SHYER THAN

THE OTHER KIDS, IN FACT, I WANTED TO BE AS NICE AS PIE, BUT I HAD THESE

WEIRD PSYCHIATRICAL PARANORMAL DILLUSIONS, WHICH MADE ME **** MY FAMILY CAT

AND BE CARTED OFF TO THE PSYCH WARD, AS WELL AS GRABBING KIDS LEFT RIGHT AND CENTRE

ALL OVER CANBERRA IN THE 1980s, YOU SEE I HATED PEOPLE TEASING ME, AND I THOUGHT PEOPLE

WANTED TO SAY THAT I WAS STILL BEING HASSLED, I DON’T WANNA BE HASSLED DUDES, THEY JUST

WANNA SAY, I AM HASSLING BRIAN, THAT SOUNDS SO RAD, AND DESPITE HOW MUCH HE TRIED, DAD NEVER HELPED ME

HE SEEMED TO GET CRANKY MORE THAN ANYTHING, , THAT WEIRD VOICE OF YOUR LIKE ME AND MUMMY BRIAN

AND YOUR ONE OF THE ADULTS BRIAN, IS FUCKEN DOWNGRADING, DAD THOUGHT HE WAS HELPING, BUT INSTEAD

HE DOWNGRADED ME TO BEING SHY, PLEASE, NOBODY PUSH ME DOWN TO BEING SHY, NO MATTER HOW COOL IT LOOKS

I KNOW I WAS LIKE A SHY HOOLIGAN WHEN I WAS A KID, LIKE PLAY COOL FOR LITTLE FAMILY KIDS WHEN I WAS WITH MY MATES,

I STILL COULD HAVE BEEN CURED FASTER IF DAD WASN’T AS ANGRY WITH ME, BUT HOPEFULLY DAVID AND LISA CAMPBELL

CAN CALM THE SOUL AND MAKE THEIR DAUGHTER A NORMAL KID, AND HER PREVIOUS LIFE OF MY DAD, CAN WASH DOWN

ALL OF HIS OLD FOGIE NONSENSE FROM HER SPIRIT, BUT DAD WASN’T PERFECT, MUMS NOT PERFECT, MY BROTHER ISN’T PERFECT

I AM NOT PERFECT, MY OLD SCHOOL MATES AIN’T PERFECT, EVEN IF I A LOOKING AT KIDS MOO COW AND SHIPS, I AM NOT GOING

TO HARM THE KIDS, I LIKE KIDS, BUT IN THE 80s, I WAS MORE STUPID, THAN 2013, MUMMIE DEAREST, AND I HATE BEING LOCKED

IN A PSYCH WARD WITH THE CRAZY PEOPLE, EVEN IF I HAD VISIONS I WAS A CRAZY PERSON, CAUSE I FOUGHT MY DAD AND TEASED MUM

ONCE I PUT A RUBBER SPIDER ON MUM, BUT MUM AND DAD, WERE HAVING ISSUES, WHICH MADE THEM BE TWO SHY ADULTS, THEY HELPED ME

BUT THEY WERE TWO SHY ADULTS, THE ONLY HELPING THEY DID, WAS GIVE ME A HAPPY FAMILY, BUT THEY ARE NEGATIVE ABOUT MY FUTURE

WHICH DRIVES ME CRAZY, I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE A JOB, IN ANOTHER CITY, BUT, MUM IS TOO HELL BENT, ON NOT FUNDING, BECAUSE SHE WANTS

ME TO FEND FOR MYSELF, I DON’T WANT THESE YOUNG DUDES TO WIN THEIR BATTLE WITH ME, I HATED THOSE YOUNG DUDES, THEY ARE GETTING

INTO MY HEAD, IN THE FORM OF MY MATE PAT, SO DAD, GO TO WORK ON THE FUTURE AS ELIZABETH CAMPBELL, LEARN DAD LEARN, BETTY

I FELT KIDNAPPED WHEN I WAS ON RISPERIDAL, WHERE THE CHIPS KEPT ME IN OLD FOGIE TERRITORY, AND MY CARER ANDREW WANTED ME CONVERTED

OVER TO HIS WAY OF THINKING, AND I POINTED OUT JOHN THE BAPTIST BEING AN EVIL MAN, HE WAS, BUT DON’T TELL MUM.

I LOVE BEING CREATIVE WITH ART AND WRITING AND YOUTUBE ENTERTAINING, AND I LIKED THE COMFORTABLE LOUNGES IN NIGHTCLUBS AS I DANCED

TO SONGS LIKE JOEY FROM CONCRETE BLONDE, MY MATE DITCHED ME, I DANCED TO TINA ARENAS  I NEED YOUR BODY, AND OTHER GREAT SONGS

BUT I STILL LIKED LOOKING AT THE MOO COW AND SHIP FORMATIONS ON KIDS LEGS, BUT I LIKE KIDS

I FEEL KIDS HATE ME NOW, BECAUSE, I REPORTED KIDS TYING THEMSELVES UP ON YOUTUBR, DUDE, THAT CAN BE DANGEROUS FOR THE KID, IT CAN

ENCOURAGE HOOLIGANISM AND PHEDAPHELIA, AND I CARE A LOT MORE ABOUT KIDS SAFETY, IF ANY PHEDAPHILE OR HOOLIGAN, SEES KIDS SUFFERING

AFTER BEING ******* ON YOUTUBE, THEY WILL START TO LURE THE KIDS INTO THEI CARS,

STOP TYING YOURSELVES UP ON YOUTUBE, LITTLE DUDES, IT AIN’T COOL, AND I AM SPEAKING AS THE PRINCE OF COOL

YOU SEE THE REASON WHY I WENT TO THE HOSPITAL, DUDES, IS MENTAL HEALTH SAY I AM WELL, AND I WASN’T GETTING ANY HELP, BUT BOTH TIMES

I ACCEPTED HELP, PLEASE MENTAL HEALTH, I AM WATCHING STORIES ABOUT DELLUSIONAL BEHAVIOUR ON YOUTUBE, PLEASE DON’T FUCKEN FALSE HOPE

ESPECIALLY IF I HIT BIG TIME AGAIN, AND I WILL, I ALWAYS WANT A CASE WORKER TO KEEP ME OUT OF THE CRAZY PSYCH WARD


H       E       L       P       M       E        D        U       D      E      S

you see just because you suffer from bad teeth and need to see dentists a lot of your time, it still can just mean you are reforming your body, like i have an infection in my mouth which is totally powerful and i am taking cephalexin every 12 hours till the capsules will run out, and if you pay attention to that, you can live longer, and i am not
saying in one life, like you need to drink coca cola to improve your cosmic energy
you need to eat junk food, because it helps you understand how healthy you are
you need to understand buddhism, right, so if you look after yourself right, without
worrying about your past health issues, you can have a healthy future life pattern
and improve the quality of your life, you see the world will be better if people didn't obsess about weight loss, and when they get an ache they say, why is god hassling me
no, the only way for people being turned into robots, is for people to understand each
other, we still have a long way to go, my dad's next life is a girl, but i reckon she is healthy because dad was healthy cosmically, you are not healthy if you think boys are better than girls but it's good to have a joke about it, that is healthy
i am on seroquel and serenace as well as this new drug, i believe in taking prescribed drugs because it helps with the future cosmically, and force me to be very fit
they said i might need to go to hospital if i have drowsy eyes, but he has to say that, because it is his job, i find out, if i take this medication by the right dose, it'll run smoothly, and athena is the god of love and war, the war on people suffering health problems and love being the idea of helping in this field of expertise

I was quite proud of the weather today.
It was better.
You know, better than yesterday.

I didn't have to tilt my head in shade for that perfect lighting.
Or settle for the insecurities of a mess.
It was that perfect.
Somewhat like those yellow limes I often confuse for that ball I use for stress.

And then there was that centered daisy thing which completely complimented my skin,
Hassling it's persuasion of confidence in a glaze
Reiterating it's point like those quins I met yesterday.
Today was just about everything, but perfect.

I went from that almost comfortable feeling, to nothing.
To nothing, when I had to imagine that cute outfit I helped her pick out yesterday...
Being ripped off, for her to be ******.

I went from that warm weird feeling, to nothing.
To nothing, when she got a call...

"Hey,
Sure,
I'll be right there."

And at that point...
I realized I was simply that to her.
The piano guy.

I was quite proud of the weather today.
It was better...
You know, better than yesterday.

Today I wanted to tell her.
Although it was yesterday...
Today I wanted her to know for sure.

And suddenly...
That centered daisy thing began to shallow.
And at that point...
At that point I realized.
I was nothing.

Tender, tiny dollar bill-
you give my time such worth.
Give my life to buy a thrill
And a box put under earth.

My gravestone sits over there;
paid a pretty penny.
Manages to look so fair
Surrounded by so many.

The car I drive is so nice
For my ride to the yard
Do not ask of me the price
Lest your dignity be marred.

My golden watch is better;
Reminds of time well spent.
Paid off the hassling debtor.
Lived at work to pay the rent.

it happens all the time, that feeling of reading a saturday newspaper supplement; had i mentioned that i find the journalistic medium of writing, the most obnoxious? the most tiresome, the most wearisome, the most, how should i say: *******? i don't which i detest more, the politicians, or the journalists... i never seem to ever pick the "right" choice... it's the politicians with their lies, but it's also the journalists with their social-media "attention" to detail that bugs me... who are these people, who are they?

and it only comes in the shape of an article
you're never too old. or are you?
who are these cardinals, bishops and monks
of the "writing" class fooling?
      i ****** well hope there's an inquisition
coming...
   i'm just tired of a culture that only celebrates
but *one form of torture / execution...
crosses have become so unimaginative that
they had to become necklaces...
              yawn...
                     but these (cliche) bourgeoise opinions
are worse than torture...
         women: bare legs, provocative dancing,
zara, bouncy hair, selfies, macron age-gap bf,
getting drunk, hats (ascot esp.),
                    sheepskin car coats,
             slogan t-shirts;
men: hassling d.j.s, messy hair,
              trainers,
                                ear­rings,
     earphones, live gigs, the "mate",
                           flirting, visible *******...
who, are, these, people?
      i don't begin to think that a rebellion against
the bourgeoisie came from this sort
of laziness, this sort of "attention to detail",
but then again, hyacinth bucket could
annoy anyone with a stern armour of metal...
who are these people?
              i've just been watching clouds at night
with the hazel coated sheen of the moon
scuttering the intruding mountains of
quicksilver sheen cauliflower...
listening to some trafficking moral debate
while in amsterdam everyone partied...
and thinking: you know, i might have seen
my psychiatrist for free, a world renowned
(can't remember her name) -
    but i found that seeing a ******* to be
much more effective...
slave? was she a slave to me?
  frankly, more like a psychiatrist...
         after all, i'm no quasimodo in posture...
and yet the biggest idiot in our company would
get a ****, and i: supposedly the type
that got off on conversation...
   seems i was never dumb enough for a casual
****** encounter...
      pity? what pity, what self-wallowing
could i ever be up to? it's the perfectly sighted
comic affair...
               it's no conspiracy that the feminists
have become so undesirable they imported
a load of north african ****...
            what?!
            that's not the case, who else would ****
'em if not the ***** replacement machines
of nigra flesh? someone has to,
                   overwise everyone goes ballistic!
i already have to ladies by my side,
ms. amber, a scotch fiery red head,
  and sophia, a dark maiden from rhodes,
with curly hair...
                      and it's not so much what they
do with my nether regions, as what they do
with my ego... that other phallus...
                    it always aims at a north korean
army march... prompt, intact,
  with nicely ironed shirts, trousers and
other aspects of the uniform...
          then again, it was never a case of limp
when drunk and with the transcendental
experience passing the madonna-***** complex
with a *******...
     always that glorified one-dimensional
experience of corpus (ad) dare corpus...
            i have no qualms, no inhibitions,
you'd be surprised at the notion of un-inhibiting
certain receptors of quickened gratification,
walking into a room with about 12 of them,
staring at you like they might just circumcise you
with their lips, and eat your liver while
selling your kidneys on the blackmarket...
  and yes, i like my latin,
but latin as the cliche reminds us: is not dead...
latin is not dead, it's simply derived from
the vulgate,
     lingua latina est vivus, in plebei, ergo
   est non mort; and that's the usual ****-it you
apply to reviving the origins of:
               still writing in a latin alphabet!
         if latin was dead, i'd be writing in runic!
dead my ***... ever seen a baboon with
haemorrhoids try to sit still?
           had about four ****-cheeks on him,
****** decided to hang upside-down from
a tree... and no, two weeks in kenya were not great,
i don't know how those whiteys did it,
i spent most of the time in a shade,
  4 hours in an air conditioned room,
          3 hours prior to falling asleep on the balcony,
and probably drank my bodyweight of liquids...
so yes, i have a "moral" conundrum regarding
prostitution, esp. after visiting amsterdam...
**** me, beats sessions with a psychiatrist...
my mental illness? christianity,
  and how i found it hard to mantra mea culpa
+ quia propitius ero iniquitatibus eorum et
       peccatorum illorum iam non memorabo...
which is a staggering combination
  of... "symptoms".

The city is a jungle.
Streets run like
ravaged rivers
polluted by strange people,
plastic cups,
unread newspapers,
and other pieces of clutter.

The cruel king crow
cawed at the awed
cod fish cad.

Foolish feathered fiend
fawned and preened
as he walked the
cool cat scene,
while his fishy friend
stopped to bend
and tie his
loose shoelaces
up again.

Meanwhile
not even
one tenth of a mile
down this road
a feline ****
snuck up
and jack slapped
a fat cat
*** hat that
was hassling
his sister Jaguar.

The streets howled
As pigs prowled,
stressed and tense
strangers vented
misdirected anger
at random passersby,
like one unsuspecting
fly by bird guy
who was running on
a caffeine high.

Then there is me,
observing this city,
dumb jack ***
with a fat ***,
who thinks he
understands
what he sees.

Our skin is like disaster
With radiant ***** of hope
Nested on the precipice
Leaning into death

And death leans into me--
The leaning is preferred to picking beaks or bullets
Because it's the pressure that makes daisies and lovers out of clay

Like a little kid pushing playdough through a plastic toy

And you can lie and cling to meaning
When the hemorrhaging starts
Say: the kid is pushing me through a heart-shaped hole
I hope at least he's having fun
But there is no child in there
And no one wants to feel like a *******'s pen

And I'm scared of what my pen might say,
If pens could talk

But then again, at least I can imagine it. **** on that for a minute, it's a funny thought.

But no, I was never awkward.
Because I only go in one direction
Crossing ether with ether til there's flowers,
Smacking my palm's meat against a tree trunk to confirm that yes, it is hard.

But I know I was low. Oh, I'm so sure I was low!
Bending under the weight of weightlessness to become way too scared of letting go.
This all must be someone's fault,

But we don't know.

So pick your spruce tips in the spring.
You're right, the flavor was bright and citrusy
A nice snack indeed, filled with vitamin C

And eat your food from cans, it's quite a certain thing.
Maybe you're eating from your own stomach,
There's no way to really tell.

Yes, you're giving birth inside yourself--
True, osteoblasts rove bones
And ribosomes fold proteins while you fold your clothes

And the passion with which you make love is noted.
And I am pregnant I am pregnant I am pregnant like the sky
I can't bear to tell you any more,
Please stop hassling me with all your questions.

Are you really made of stone, deep down in there?
With soft tissues between, yes I am, yes we are?
She seems to want to know.
Wants to say that she's glad to know
And she's scared like you
That we are kissing cousins
That our veins go in circles and circles... don't go nowhere

But what if they do?
Can we talk about something else,
Maybe put something on TV
Slide photons into our eyes and mash up matter in our mouths
And I'll watch you fall asleep and see your chest rise and fall
And we can paint a house
And we can be in love,
Oh yes we can.

Hassling pissants after breaking my face open

The world is blood red.

And the only thing protecting my eyes are my eyeglasses.


Stiffing and short changing beautiful women is only fun if they're just as willing to play along.

I could teach you how to play guitar,

we could write a song together.

And maybe even spend some time outside once the weather gets better.

Dark globe watch hang in the Hightower
Oe'r our captain sail on the lovely towers of oceans
Tumultuous frenetic was once a lad's new order
Squall, riders patient beyond the thee
The form on thee light that stared in the other boy who hated that boy's shadow
The breadth of heights
The heights of breaths
Dancing with the girl from Phoenix's ashes, blue coruscating hassling eyes took us from raging terrapins
Dark Globe Watch keep us in the memory of Aeolian
Get out of my dreams
Take me in your arms, I'm really regretting this one
Imagine how you would regret if searching truth was the absence of lust
But, the bloodlust can be heard in a soldier's company

Being told "get over it" because that person refused to say "I'm sorry" or admit they are wrong. You told them how they made you feel and they seen nothing wrong with what they said or did.
Trying to blame it on you because they'll say you're sensitive. Tell you you're the problem because they refuse to own up.
Call you entitled as a poor kid becoming an adult working for everything. Left alone and they'll call you a narcissist because they can't get to you so they try to get others to see you differently.
Already use to being alone makes you care less what others think. You stop seeking approval. Doing your own thing all this hassling and negative remarks are from people that use people act like it's their right to do so.

I am not an alcoholic
I just want to drink
But everybody is pushing me not to drink
I know that I said I was an alcoholic
But I didn’t want to be as evil as I looked
But the natural fact is I am not like
Those other alcoholics
Because they fight I don’t fight
Because I am a nice person
I just was trying to express myself
But people kept wondering what is wrong
With me
I was trying to say I am fine
And there was nothing wrong with me
But I fought my dad
Why not, he believed in strong discipline
That I didn’t like it
I loved to party with the guys
Over at Belconnen high school
And going to pubs
And playing pool and dancing to all the
Greatest songs that I grew up liking
I was nothing like my fucken dad
I know he was nice but
I just didn’t understand why he hated
Me being like my school friends
Which I liked because they respected me
And drank with me but one stole from me
But mate I cut down because I wanted him to leave me alone and not because I was an alcoholic
You see I loved drinking with some friends
They made me feel cool
But what about the friends who rob from me
Who call me Woosey
Who try and run me down
Who try and bash me up in the club
Who tease me as they walk past me
Sitting in the pub
I just wanted to party
Get down and boogie
But everybody thinks they were in the right
But I was alright
I was fine
I know I was a tad violent
But that wasn’t the alcohol
That was other people
I gave up alcohol and tried Coca Cola and chocolate and it made me hypoactive
And I could drink it at family events
But I should’ve stuck with beer
Because of the toothaches
And being judged for doing that
I ain’t an alcoholic
I am a nice man who wants a drink from time to time
I am only having a champagne to toast my good times at art
But I am not an alcoholic
It is other people who hassled me
Over nothing that is important
I am Brian Allan and I ain’t an alcoholic
It is just other people hassling me
How would you feel if you felt you couldn’t explain yourself to people you love
About who is to blame the alcohol or the
People
The people is my vote
They just wouldn’t leave me alone
Drinking was my friend
Not like other people
I was being teased it was horrible
Woosey being run down by a car
And being yelled at of being nice to a kid
Laughed at inside a club
Money stolen by stretching it out
I HATED IT ALL
I am no alcohol
It is those people who need to change not me
I couldn’t even my mum saying I wasn’t like happy drunks
But she had to deal with an alcoholic father it isn’t her fault
I was like the younger friends
I even drank at the sports events
I had fun there nobody hassled me
But one player hated my comment
So I thought I won’t do that
But I am no alcoholic just a man
Who needed a break